Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 6 · Section 37 – Section 45
§. 37. Of inſtructing children ſo ſoone as they are capable.
Hitherto of the Kindes of nurture. The Time thereof followeth.
| In handling the time of II. The Time of nurture. Nurture muſt be begun betimes. good nurture, I wil ſhew | 1. When it ought to be begun. |
| 2. How long it ought to be continued |
1. Parents ought to begin to nurture their children ſo ſoone as they are capable of any inſtruction. Euen as young birds are taught by their dammes to flie ſo ſoone as their wings can carry them. bPro. 22. 6.Traine vp a childe (ſaith Solomon) that is, while he is young and tender: and againe, c& 13. 24. foreign maneinde in Picl foreign mane facere, id eſt, mature.He that loueth his childe nurtureth him be times. Thus was Samuel ſent when he was very young to be trained vp vnderunder Eli, (1 Sam. 1. 24.) and Solomon was inſtructed by his father when he was tender, (Pro. 4. 3.) and Timothy was taught the Scriptures d2 Tim. 3. 15. foreign. Puer recens natus. Reaſons. 1. Euils preuented.from a young childe, or infant.
There are both priuatiue, and poſitiue reaſons to preſſe this point. Priuatiue, in regard of the miſchiefes that may be preuented thereby. Poſitiue, in regard of the good that may be gained thereby.
1. Many are the euils which children by nature are prone vntounto, euen as ranke ground is ſubiect to bring forth many weeds: for eGen. 8. 21.the imagination of mans heart is euill from his youth: and fPro. 22. 15.fooliſhneſſe is bound in the heart of a childe. If therefore they be not well nurtured betimes, what can be looked for, but the fruits of euill, and folly. But timely nurture will preuent ſuch fruits, and be an excellent preſeruatiue againſt their owne naturall corruption, againſt Satans temptations and againſt the allurements or diſcouragements of the world
2. Continuance in euill maketh children obſtinate, and 2. Continuance in euill maketh inflexible. 1 Sam. 2. 25.inflexible therein. Elies ſonnes being ſuffered to goe on in wickedneſſe till they came to ripeneſſe of yeeres, would not afterwards harken to the voice of their Father. What creature can be tamed, if it be not begun with while it is young?
3. When children firſt begin to be capable of inſtruction 3. Young children moſt pliable.they are moſt pliable to follow the direction of their parents as is euident by the ordinary courſe of nature in all things Clay, wax, and ſuch other things while they are ſoft receiue any impreſſion: twigs while they are tender are bowed any way: birds and beaſts are eaſily tamed when they are young: corne ſowne betimes bringeth a timely and plentifull harueſt.
4. That which in childhood is learned, is longeſt retained: 4. What firſt learned beſt remembred. Prou. 22. 6. Quo ſem…leſt imbuta recens ſeruabit od… rem Teſta diu. Hor.Traine vp a childe in the way he ſhould goe, and when he is old he will not depart from it. A veſſell longeſt keepeth that ſauour with which at firſt it is ſeaſoned: and by experience we may note old men beſt to remember the things which in their childhood they learned: yea by well educating children from their infancy much labour may afterwards be ſpared: for conſtant vſe of vertue bringeth it vntounto a law.Si liberis ab ipſis ſtatim initijs leges optimas imponamus, minimum poſthac laborabimus. Conſuetudo ipſa virtutis in legem tranſiet. Chryſ. in 1. Tim. Hom. 9.
Obiect. To teach children while they are young, is but as to teach a Parrot or ſuch like vnreaſonable creatures: they may learne what is taught them, but they cannot conceiue it.
1. Anſw. Though children hauehave not ſo deepe an apprehenſion while they are young, as they hauehave when they come to riper yeares, yet ſo ſoone as they are capable of inſtruction, they doe much better conceiue what is taught them, then vnreaſonable creatures can doe.
2. Though that were granted, yet it would not thereupon follow, that it is better not to be taught while they are young. For, firſt it is better that they ſhould be framed and ſquared to a good courſe, before they can diſcerne betwixt good and euill, …hen be ſuffered to runne on in euill, till they get an habit …herein; which after it is got, will hardly be caſt off. Secondly, by teaching them before they can well conceiue, their apprehenſion is much helped. What may be the reaſon that …hildren of kings, and great men are commonly of more vnderſtanding at 12. or 14. yeares of age, then poore and meane …ens children at 17. or 18. but that they are ſooner, and beter inſtructed? Thirdly, as by age their vnderſtanding commeth to more and more ripeneſſe, they will more and more …nceiue that which at firſt they did not ſo well vnderſtand. Then ſchollers firſt learne their Latine rules, they learne them …eerely by rote, without vnderſtanding the meaning of them, Obſequentes facite filios veſtros ab infantia, attendentes ne in vos poteſtantem habeant praeter veſtram ſententiam. Conſtit. Apoſt. l. 7. c. 4.…t afterwards come to make very good vſe of them. Where… children are to be inſtructed betimes euen for the benefit at may be after reaped, as corne is ſowne in winter to receiue …op the harueſt following: and to preuent the miſchiefes at may fall out, leſt they get head ouer their parents againſt …ir minde.
§. 38. Of mothers peculiar care in nurturing young children.
By the way let mothers eſpecially note this point of timely nurture, as a point in peculiar appertaining to them. The bCompare 2 Tim. 1. 5. with 3. 15.grandmother Lois, and mother Eunice, firſt taught Timothy, cProu. 31. 1.Bathſheba taught Salomon when he was young. Oft doth Salomon warne children d& 1. 8. & 6. 20.not to forſake their mothers teaching.
Whereby he implieth that mothers ſhould teach their children eſpecially while they are young: which duty ſo belongeth to a mother, as eProu. 29. 15.Salomon laieth the blame, and ſhame of the neglect thereof vponupon her: on the other ſide the honour of well nurturing children redoundeth eſpecially to the mother. To this purpoſe is it, that the f1 King. 15. 2, 10.particular names of the mothers of the kings are recorded in Scripture: intimating thereby that mothers were a maine cauſe of the piety, or impiety of ſuch children. Salomon and Abſolom had both one father, but diuers mothers. May we not well thinke that Salomons mothers care to inſtruct him was an eſpeciall meanes of his piety: and that Abſoloms mothers neglect of this duty, was ſome cauſe of his impiety? It is expreſly noted of Ahaziahs mother, that ſhe was his counſeller to doe wickedly, which made him ſo wicked 2 Chro. 22. 3.as he was. Home-experience confirmeth as much: for if father and mother be of diuers religions, moſt of the children will follow the mother. For while children are young, their mother is moſt in their ſight: ſhe feedeth, ſhe apparelleth them, ſhe tendeth them when they are not well, (when the Shunemites childe being ill, ſaid to his father, my head, my head, he ſaid to his ſeruant, carrie him to his mother.) Her precepts therefore 2 King. 4. 19.and practiſe in that reſpect are beſt heeded by the children, and ſhe hath the beſt opportunity to perſwade them to what ſhe liketh beſt: ſo as what they learne in their younger yeares, commonly they learne of their mothers: and that which then they learne, for the moſt part ſticketh moſt cloſe vntounto them, and is longeſt retained by them, as was noted *§. 37.before.
I hauehave not thus in particular preſſed this point vponupon mothers, as if I exempted fathers from all care of nurturing their children in the beginning: for in my text the Apoſtle named Fathers: and Salomon ſaith, that his father taught him eue… while he was tender: and Dauid felt the ſmart of neglecting hi… other children. It is therefore (as hath before beene proued) a ioynt duty belonging to both. Fathers therefore muſt doe their beſt endeuour, and ſee that mothers doe theirs alſo, becauſe he is a gouernour ouer child, mother, and all.
§. 39. Of letting ſlip the beſt time for nurture.
Contrary is the negligence of moſt parents, who let the beſt yeares wherein their children are moſt docible paſſe ouer in wantonneſſe, vanity, and folly: and ſo loſe that which can neuer be recouered againe, moſt precious time. Hence is it that when they goe about to reclaime their children, they finde them exceedingly peruerſe and head-ſtrong: much like to a ſtrong bigge arme of a tree, which if a man goe about to ſtraiten, he cannot eaſily make it bow: and though it bow, yet will it not continue to ſtand as he would hauehave it: nay it may be that it will rather breake then bow much. Such a branch was Adoniah. It is apparent that in his childhood he was not well nurtured, for his father would not diſpleaſe him from his childhood.1 King. 1. 6.
The fathers putting off this duty to the mother, and the mothers putting it off to the father, is a great cauſe of the neglect thereof. Were both of them perſwaded that it belonged to them both, and in that reſpect would to their power be helpfull each to other, children would much better be inſtructed.
§. 40. Of parents continuing to nurture their children.
As parents muſt begin betimes to nurture their children, ſo they muſt hold on therein, as long as they retaine any gouernment ouer them: yea ſo long as they remaine to be parents vntounto them. Some difference there may be in the manner of performing this duty: for children are to be vſed as children: and they who are growne in yeares, and of riper vnderſtanding, accordingly to be dealt withall: yet ſtill muſt parents hauehave a care of their well doing. The word vſed in my text and tranſlated Children, is a generall word which in Scripture and other foreign.writers is vſed to ſet forth all ſort of children, of what ſexe, of what age, of what degree ſoeuer they be. In handling the duty of children we *Treat. 5. §. 62.ſhewed, that children owed a ſubiection to parents ſo long as they liued together: wherefore by the rule of relation, ſo long alſo an authority remaineth in parents ouer their children, and accordingly they ought to hauehave a fatherly care for their good. On this ground Eli did well in admoniſhing 1 Sam. 2. 25. Iob 1. 5. Hoc faciebat ille beatus vir, non ſemel, aut ſecundo, neque vno anno, aut duobus, ſed ſic faciebat Iob omnibus diebus vitae eorum. Orig. in Iob lib. 1.his children after they were maried: his fault was that he went not farre enough in doing his duty: ſomewhat he did, but not all that he ſhould and might hauehave done. Iob is commended for the care he had ouer his children when they were growne in yeares: for day by day he ſent for them and ſanctified them: and that after they had ſeuerall houſes of their owne, and dwelt apart: and this all their daies.
For the performance of that which is now vrged, parents muſt ſo carrie themſelues from time to time towards their children, as they euer keepe the reines in their owne hands, and Direction.retaine a power to curbe their children as they ſee occaſion. They may, as their children grow vp in yeares, ſlaken the reines more and more, but neuer let them cleane goe, and caſt them looſe on their childrens necke.
§. 41. Of parents folly in letting goe all their power ouer their children.
Contrary is their folly who put themſelues in their childrens power, and let goe all their authority ouer them. Many Aegrè reprendas quod ſinis conſueſcere. Hier. ad Laet.parents that hauehave thus done, hauing by wofull experience found the miſchiefe and inconuenience that hath followed thereupon, hauehave much repented their folly, and vſed meanes of redreſſe, but all too late. For a miſchiefe is much more eaſily preuented then redreſſed. All the power that Dauid had could not hold in Abſolom after he was permitted to hauehave 2 Sam. 15. 1.horſes, and chariots, and men at his command. If Dauid, as he begun, had continued to keepe him within a compaſſe, and ſtill held him vnderunder, all the treaſonable plots which he put in execution, might eaſily hauehave beene preuented. Our times afford too many examples of parents folly in this kinde, and of the miſchiefes following thereupon.
Of Time of nurture thus farre. The meanes thereof follow.
§. 42. Of adding admonition to inſtruction.
The meanes of helping forward the good worke of nurture III. The means of nurture.are eſpecially two.
1. Frequent admonition.
2. Due correction.
Both of them are implied in this text: one in the word tranſlated admonition, which (according to the notation of the foreign. See Treat. 1. §. 120.Greeke word) is a putting of a thing into the mind, an vrging and preſſing of it: the other in the word tranſlated nurture.foreign. See Treat. 1. §. 119.
Now both theſe are to be ioyned together, as being very helpfull each to other. For admonition without correction is like to proue but meere vanity: and correction without admonition will be too much auſterity.
The dutie which the firſt of theſe ſetteth forth, is this,
Parents muſt oft whet inſtruction vponupon their children: they Annuncia, praecipe, impera, ſuade eis, &c. Aug. de ſalut. docum. cap. 29.may not thinke it enough to tell their children what they ought to doe, but to inſtruction they muſt adde admonition: and, as it were, beat into their childrens heads the leſſons which they teach them: that ſo they may make a deeper impreſſion in their hearts. Thus ſhall their inſtructions be like the words of the wiſe which are as nailes faſtened, or faſt knocked Eccl. 12. 11.in: they remain firme where they are once faſtened, and cannot eaſily be pluckt out: for as many blowes doe knocke a naile vp to the head (as we ſpeake) ſo many admonitions doe ſettle good inſtructions in a childes heart, and cauſe that the heart be eſtabliſhed in that which is taught, eHeb. 13. 9.which is a thing to be laboured after. The generall exhortation of being f2 Tim. 4. 2.inſtant in ſeaſon and out of ſeaſon may be applied to this purpoſe: but more pertinently that gDeut. 6. 7. foreign Acuit. in Piel acuit valde, vel frequenter. Metaphora ducta à gladio, qui dum acuitur ſaepius impellitur ad cotem. Vatab. in annot. in hunc loc. vide Treat. 1. §. 120.direction which is in particular giuen to parents of whetting Gods words vponupon their children.
To this purpoſe is it that Solomon vſeth to double his inſtructions, and vrge them againe and againe, as hPro. 1. 8.heare the inſtruction, forſake not the law: i& 2. 1, 2. Direction.receiue my words, hide my commandements within thee: incline thine eares, apply thy heart, &c. yea of the repeateth the very ſame precepts.
The apprehenſion of children is fickle, and their memory weake: if they be but once, or ſeldome, or ſleightly inſtructed, that which is taught will ſoone ſlip away, and doe little or no good.
For the better performing of this dutie, parents muſt thinke of the beſt meanes they can to faſten their inſtructions vponupon their children: and obſerue their inclination and diſpoſition, and ſee with what they are moſt moued. Conſtant exhortations, and powerfull perſwaſions are compriſed vnderunder admonition, which in their kindes, as occaſion requireth, are to be vſed.
§. 43. Of parents weariſomneſſe in inſtructing their children.
Contrary is the practiſe of thoſe parents who ſoone waxe weary in inſtructing their children. The Apoſtle laieth it downe as a generall caueat in good duties that we wax not Gal. 6. 9.weary: if in no good thing we muſt wax weary, ſhall parents wax weary in doing good to their children? Yet how many be there that hauing once taught their children, thinke they hauehave done dutie enough in that kinde: if their children will take it, they may. They are loth to take too much paines in often vrging the points which they hauehave taught them.
Thus that teaching vaniſheth away: and ſo it falleth out, as we ſay in the prouerbe, as good not at all as neuer the better. This is one point wherein old Eli failed: for he gaue very good inſtruction to his children: but becauſe he there ſtaied, neither was that accepted of God as a ſufficient diſcharge of his duty, nor were his children any whit bettered thereby. If this were a fault in him notwithſtanding his children were come to yeares of diſcretion, and to ripeneſſe of vnderſtanding, how much greater is the fault in thoſe whoſe children are but young?
Obiect. If a childe take not inſtruction at firſt, he is but of an vntoward and peruerſe diſpoſition: all the paines that can be taken will be loſt.
Anſw. It may be childiſhneſſe rather then peruerſneſſe, or ſome imperfection, rather then obſtinacy. Conſidering the neceſſity of good nurture, no paines may be thought too much. There is more peruerſeneſſe, and vntowardneſſe i… ſuch parents as wax weary in doing this dutie, then in ſuch children as at firſt are not wrought vponupon: for this is a means ordained of God to cure this vntowardneſſe.
§. 44. Of parents reprouing their children.
The other meanes of helping nurture is correction.
| Which is of two ſorts; | Verball, | by | Words. |
| Reall, | Blowes. |
The former is reprehenſion: and it muſt alwaies goe before the latter, which is moſt vſually and properly called Correction.
Reprehenſion is a kinde of middle thing betwixt admonition and correction: it is a ſharpe admonition, but a milde correction.
It is the rather to be vſed becauſe it may be a meanes to preuent ſtrokes and blowes, eſpecially in ingenuous, and good natured children (for bPro. 17. 10.a reproofe entereth more into him that is wiſe, then a hundred ſtripes into a foole) and becauſe it may be vſed, when it is not ſo meet to vſe ſtrokes and blowes: as when children are growne to man-age.
The many good fruits which the holy Ghoſt noteth to proceed from due reproofe doe ſhew that it is a dutie whereof parents ought to make conſcience as they deſire to promote the good of their children: and ſo much the rather becauſe many good fruits redound to the parents that reproue, as well as to the children reproued. In regard of their good who are reproued, it is ſaid, cPro. 6. 23.Reproofes for inſtruction are the way of life: they cauſe d& 15. 32.vnderſtanding; and make e& 15. 5.prudent. In regard of their good who reproue, it is ſaid, f& 24. 25.To them that rebuke ſhall be delight (that is, much comfort and matter of reioycing, ſo as they ſhall not need to repent what they hauehave done) and a bleſſing of good ſhall come vponupon them, that is, either a bleſſing of good men, who will bleſſe, praiſe and commend them: or a bleſſing of good things, and that from the Lord who will reward them for this conſcionable performance of their dutie.
VponUpon theſe grounds gGen. 9. 25. & 34. 30. & 49. 4.holy men hauehave not ſpared to rebuke their children as there was occaſion. Though h1 Sam. 2. 23. Eli dum filijs moleſtus eſſe ſeuera increpatione recuſat, & illos & ſeipſum …na perdidit, Chryſ. in 1 Tim. hom. 9. 1 King. 1. 6.Eli did ſomewhat in this duty, yet becauſe he was not more ſeuere therein, …he brought deſtruction both vponupon himſelfe and his children.
The direction noted §. 40. and 47. and Treat. 4. §. 35. may be here applied.
§. 45. Of parents cockering their children.
Contrary is their too much doting on children, who are …oth to giuegive them a foule word. Dauid (though otherwiſe a …very wiſe man) herein manifeſted much folly, for he diſpleaſed …ot Adoniah at any time in ſaying, why haſt thou done ſo? and like enough it is, that alſo he ſo cockered his other rebellious ſonne Abſolom. Note the fearefull iſſue that followed thereupon both to father and children. Though their father would not diſpleaſe them, yet they cared not to diſpleaſe their father, yea to grieue his heart, and vex his ſoule. The like may all fooliſh doting parents looke for at their childrens hands. For firſt parents by neglect of this dutie highly diſpleaſe God: therefore in iuſt reuenge will God giuegive their children ouer to Omnia quae deliquerint filij, de parentibus requiruntur qui non erudierint ſilios ſuos. Orig. in Iob. lib. 1.diſpleaſe and vex them. Secondly, neglect of reproofe is a meanes to make children rude, preſumptuous, rebellious, and ſo careleſſe to pleaſe their parents. Yea all things where in children offend through want of education ſhall be required at their parents hands.