Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 6 · Section 1 – Section 11
§. 1. Of the heads of Parents duties.
EPHES. 6. 4.
And ye Fathers prouoke not your children to wrath, but bring them vp in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
NExt to childrens, follow Parents duties, which the Apoſtle layeth down in this fourth verſe: where he noteth,
1. The duties
2. The parties
1. That are to performe the duties, Fathers.
2. To whom they are to be performed, Children.
| The duties are ſet downe, | 1. By prohibition. |
| 2. By precept. |
The prohibition noteth out one extreme, which is ouermuch rigour, (Prouoke not to wrath)
The inference of the precept vponupon the prohibition noteth out another extreme, which is ouer-much-remiſneſſe.
The precept it ſelfe enioyneth to parents three duties.
1. To nouriſh children, namely with food, apparrell, and other like neceſſaries (Nouriſh them.)
2. To nurture them, namely with good diſcipline (In nurture.)
3. To inſtruct them, namely in the waies of God (And admonition of the Lord.)
| Nature | teacheth | Vnreaſonable Creatures | to doe the | Firſt |
| Ciuility | Reaſonable Men | Second | ||
| Piety | Chriſtians | Third. |
To theſe heads may all the ſeuerall points which I ſhall deliuer concerning parents duties, be referred.
That Parents may the better diſcerne how one dutie followeth another, I will proceed in this order.
| 1. The fountaine of all duties, | ſhall be declared. |
| 2. The ſtreames that iſſue thence, |
The ſtreames ſhall be diuided into two riuers.
In the firſt are thoſe generall duties that are continually to be done.
In the ſecond, ſuch particular duties as are to be applied to the ſeuerall ages of children.
There are two principall generall duties.
1. Faithfull prayer to God.
2. Vpright walking with God.
All the particulars may be compriſed vnderunder this one head, A prouident care. And this hath reſpect,
1. To the Infancy of children,
2. To their Youth,
3. To the time of their placing forth,
4. To the time of parents departing out of this world.
§. 2. Of that LoueLove which parents owe to their children.
The Fountaine of parents duties is LoueLove. aTit. 2. 4.This is expreſly enioyned to them. Many approued examples are recorded hereof: as bGen. 22. 2.Abrahams, c& 25. 28.Iſaacks, dIbid.Rebekahs, and others.
Great reaſon there is why this affection ſhould be faſt fixed in the heart of parents towards their children. For great is that paine, paines, coſt, and care, which parents muſt vndergoe for their children. But if louelove be in them, no paine, paines, coſt, or care, will ſeeme too much. Herein appeareth the wiſe prouidence of God, who by nature hath ſo faſt fixed louelove in the hearts of parents, as if there be any in whom it aboundeth not, he is counted vnnaturall. If louelove did not abound in parents, many children would be neglected and loſt. For if parents look not to their children, who will? If none looke to them, they muſt needs periſh: for they are not able to helpe themſelues. As God by nature hath planted louelove in all parents, ſo Chriſtians ought euen for conſcience ſake, to nouriſh, increaſe, and blow vp this fire of louelove, that they may thereby be made more forward to doe eueryevery duty with cheerefulneſſe. The more feruent louelove is, the more readily will eueryevery duty be performed.As I hauehave heretofore laid downe LoueLove a fountaine of wiues, husbands, and childrens duties; ſo muſt I continue my courſe, and ſet it forth as the fountaine of parents duties. For the Scripture hath noted it as a dutie belonging to all and eueryevery of them: and therefore I might not omit it in any of them. Yet let not any thereupon thinke, that the ſame point is oft handled, and repeated againe and againe. For according to the ſeuerall parties, and the ſeuerall relation they hauehave to others, there are ſeuerall fruits of louelove: euen as the ſame moiſture of the earth cauſeth ſeuerall and diuers fruits, according to the ſeuerall kindes of plants that receiue that moiſture. Compare the ſeuerall places, where this generall duty of louelove hath beene handled, and you will finde the manner of handling to be different, and to afford new matter.
Obiect. As too much fire is dangerous, ſo too much louelove.
Anſw. True. Wherefore as in other things, ſo in this, the golden meane muſt be kept. No dutie ſo holy and neceſſarie, …ut may be peruerted. Let the extremes be auoided, and the meane will better be kept.
§. 3. Of the contraries to louelove.
The extreme contrary to louelove in the defect is want of naturall Want of naturall affection in parents.affection, which is reckoned in the aRom. 1. 30. Tit. 3. 3.catalogue of notorious …nnes. Though louelove of children be by nature engrauen in mans heart, yet many cleane put it out through couetouſneſſe, …ſt, vaine-glory, ſuperſtition, idolatry, and other vices: whereby it commeth to paſſe that in ſtead of the good which they …ould doe for their children, they bring much miſchiefe vponupon …hem. Some ſpare not the pretious life of their children. Among theſe, barbarous idolaters doe moſt exceed in this kinde of vnnaturall cruelty, ſacrificing their children, and offering them vp to deuils. To this the great bloud-sucker Satan of old brought not only the heathen, who being ignorant of God did ſeruice to the diuell, but alſo the b2 King. 16. 3. & 21. 6. Ezek. 16. 20.Iſraelites to whom Iehouah the true God made himſelfe knowne, and expreſly cLeu. 18. 21.forbid this cruelty, and that d& 20. 2.vnderunder paine of death. Behold how ſuperſtition and idolatry blinde the eies of men. *Purc. Pilgr. in Americ. cap. 7. & cap. 11.They who hauehave beene among the Sauadges in Virginea, Florida, India, and other like places teſtifie that ſuch cruelty is vſed to this day. And it is rendred as a maine reaſon why, notwithſtanding ſuch ſpacious places as they hauehave, they increaſe no more in multitude, becauſe many of their children from time to time are offered vp in ſacrifice.
Reaſonable men herein ſhew themſelues more vnreaſonable then vnreaſonable beaſts, which doe what poſſibly they can to preſerue their young ones.
Though not ſo high, yet too high on this ladder of vnnaturalneſſe Haters of children for piety.doe they climbe, who hate their children, and that (which maketh the ſin to be out of meaſure ſinful) for piety and integrity; as many Popiſh and profane parents, who hauehave children truly religious: and in that reſpect ought ſo much the more to be loued.
The extreme in the exceſſe is too much doting vponupon children: Doting on children.as they doe who ſo vnmeaſurably louelove them, as they make reckoning of nothing in compariſon of children. Euen God himſelfe is lightly eſteemed, his worſhip neglected, his word tranſgreſſed, all dutie to others omitted, their owne ſoules forgotten thorow care of children. Is not this mee… apiſh kindneſſe? for Apes kill their young ones with hugging. This is no louelove, but plaine dotage. But what may be ſaid of thoſe that are ſo helliſhly enamoured with their children as to commit inceſt or buggery with them?
§. 4. Of Parents praying for their children.
The firſt and beſt ſtreame which iſſueth out of the forenamed fountaine of louelove is faithfull and feruent prayer. This extendeth it ſelfe to all things, at all times, thorowout the whole courſe of the childes life. It is the firſt and it is the laſt dutie which parents ought to performe to their children: 1 Theſ 5. 17. foreign.euen that which they muſt doe without intermiſſion; Pray without ceaſing.
Though praier be a generall dutie which all Chriſtians owe Praier a peculiar dutie of parents.one to another, yet after a peculiar manner doth it appertaine to parents: and of all others they are moſt bound to it. For the promiſe which God maketh to a parent is extended to his ſeed and children, as theſe and ſuch like Scriptures ſhew, bGen. 17. 7.I will be thy God, and the God of thy ſeed: cDeut. 5. 29.That it may be well with them and with their children: dAct. 2. 39.The promiſe is vntounto you, and vntounto your children. Parents therefore with moſt aſſurance of faith may call vponupon God for their children. For Gods promiſe is the ground of faith: ſo farre as Gods promiſe is extended, ſo farre our faith may and ought to extend it ſelfe. Hence hath ariſen the commendable cuſtome of childrens asking Treat 5. §. 9.their parents bleſſing: which intimateth a deſire that parents would pray for Gods bleſſing on them.
This dutie of praier muſt be performed before parents hauehave children (that they may hauehave ſome, as eGen. 25. 21.Iſaak, f1 Sam. 1. 10. Paulam antè votis quàm vtero concepiſti. Hier. ad 1 aet.Annah and others did eGen. 25. 21.) and ſo ſoone as children are conceiued, eſpecially if they obſerue them to be quicke in the wombe (as gGen. 25. 22.Rebekah did) and againe when they are borne (as hLuk. 1. 64.Zachariah did) and thorowout the whole courſe of their life (as iIob. 1. 5.Iob did) and when they are going out of this world, and leauing their children (as kGen. 27. 4.Iſaak did.)
There is no one thing wherein and whereby parents may doe more good for their children, then in and by true praier. God hath ſanctified praier as a meanes to receiue all needfull bleſſing from himſelfe the fountaine of all bleſſing. If therefore Gods bleſſing be of vſe to children (what Atheiſts are they that beleeue it not?) then alſo is praier by which it is obtained.
§. 5. Of vices contrary to parents praying for their children.
The very neglect of this dutie is a ſinne contrary to the dutie Parents neglect of praier.it ſelfe: and many parents there be that ſtand guilty of this ſinne. Some thinke it needleſſe to pray for a childe before it be borne, not conſidering that in ſinne it is conceiued. When it is borne they referre this dutie to the midwife, whereas it properly appertaineth to the father. After it is growne to any ripeneſſe, they put it off to the childe to pray for it ſelfe. And when they are on their death-bed, they thinke it enough if they can pray for their owne ſoules. Such parents ſhew little true louelove to their children: but leſſe faith in God.
But what may we ſay or thinke of ſuch impious parents as Parents imprecations againſt children.feare not to make fearefull imprecations againſt their children? God oft in wrath and vengeance heareth ſuch imprecations to the woe of parent and childe: whereby he ſheweth his great indignation againſt them for the ſame.
§. 6. Of parents endeauouring to be righteous that they may leaue Gods bleſſing to their children.
Another generall branch proceeding from parents louelove to their children, is, that for their childrens ſake they endeauour to walke vprightly before God, and to pleaſe him. This I doe the rather note, becauſe I finde the reward promiſed to righteous parents to be extended vntounto their children aPſal. 1. 12. 2.The generation of the righteous ſhall be bleſſed, ſaith Dauid. And Salomon, bPro. 20. 7.Bleſſed ſhall his children be after him: and againe, c& 13. 22.The good man ſhall giuegive inheritance vntounto his childrens children. dDeut. 5. 29.This motiue is therefore vrged by the holy Ghoſt to prouoke parents vntounto all righteouſneſſe.
Thus doth the Lord extend the reward of righteous parents vntounto their children to ſhew his great good liking, and high approbation of righteouſneſſe. Reade for this purpoſe, 1 King. 11. 34. & 2 King. 10. 30.
1. Obiect. eEzec. 18. 20.The righteouſneſſe of the righteous ſhall be vponupon himſelfe.
Anſw. That is meant rather of a mans perſonall righteouſneſſe, and grace it ſelfe which is not communicated to children, then of the fruit thereof: That faith in Chriſt, feare of God, obedience to Gods word, or any other perſonall grace which is in righteous parents, ſhall not iuſtifie or ſaue their children. For the iuſt ſhall liue by his owne faith. Yet this hindereth Hab. 2. 4.not but that the benefit and bleſſing of righteous parents may fall vponupon their children according to the extent of Gods promiſe.
2. Obiect. By experience we finde it verified, that the children of ſome righteous parents are curſed: and the Scripture giueth vsus many examples thereof: as gGen. 4. 11.Cain, h& 9. 25.Cham, i2 Sam. 18. 15.Abſolom, and others like them.
1. Anſw. Such children by their vnworthy, and degenerat cariage make forfeiture of Gods couenant and k1 Sam. 2. 30.ſo depriue themſelues of the benefit thereof.
2. Anſw. Many good reaſons may be giuen why God ſhould ſometimes alter his courſe, and with-hold his bleſſings from the children of his ſeruants. As
1. Leſt Gods gifts and bleſſings ſhould otherwiſe ſeeme to come rather by naturall propagation from the parent, then by free donation from God.
2. Leſt parents ſhould thereby be drawne to neglect the meanes of good education.
3. Leſt children alſo themſelues, truſting too much to their parents righteouſneſſe, ſhould take too much liberty, and waxe licentious.
4. Leſt Gods free election ſhould ſeeme hereby to be reſtrained.
3. Obiect.
If this be ſo, what motiue can it be vntounto parents to labour after righteouſneſſe for their childrens ſake?
Anſw. Though God doe reſerue in himſelfe a freedome to order his bleſſings as it pleaſeth him, and to beſtow them vponupon whom he will: and thereupon ſometimes bleſſeth the childe of a wicked parent (inſtance l2 Chr. 28. 27.Hezekiah) & denieth his bleſſing to the childe of a righteous parent (inſtance m2 Sam. 13. 14, 29. Relinque bonam filijs memoriam magis quàm diuitias multas. Baſ ſerm. in Scrip. loc.Ammon) yet in that it is a very vſuall courſe with him to extend his bleſſing (according to his promiſe) to the children of the righteous, it is a ſtrong motiue to ſuch as deſire the good of their children, the rather for their childrens ſake to endeauour after righteouſneſſe: for thus doe they vſe the meanes which by Gods word is warranted and ſanctified for procuring Gods bleſſing to their children. Leaue therefore a good memory to thy children rather then much wealth.
§. 7. Of the prepoſterous courſe which couetous and vniuſt parents take for the good of their children.
Contrary is the courſe of ſuch parents as by vnrighteous meanes thinke to prouide well for their children. For many doe not only too carkingly, and diſtruſtfully moile and toile to ſcrape together great maſſes of money, or great ſtore of land, or other ſtockes for their children, neglecting duties of piety and mercy, but alſo by vniuſt and wrongfull courſes defraud others to make their children rich. So common is this vndue courſe of prouiding for children, as thence hath ariſen this prouerbe, Happy are thoſe children whoſe parents goe to the deuill. A curſed prouerbe. For what other thing can it intend, but this, that they who feare not God, nor take care for their owne ſaulation, will hauehave moſt reſpect to the outward eſtate of their children, and be moſt carefull to make them great, and rich in this world? Wherein note how many waies they bewray their notorious folly.
1. They preferre the outward eſtate of their children before the eternall ſaluation of their owne ſoules. Yea and before God himſelfe.
2. They place the happineſſe of their children in the goods of this world; aPro. 23. 5.then which nothing more vaine.
3. They make themſelues drudges to their children, and ſo debaſe themſelues below that dignity which by reaſon of Gods image on them, appertaineth to them.
4. They with much paines, care, griefe, and feare are long gathering that which their children in ſhort time moſt riotouſly and prodigally will lauiſh out.
5. They make themſelues vaſſals to Satan and ſeeke by him to be made rich: whereas indeed bTro. 10. 22.it is the bleſſing of God that maketh rich. Thus they take a wrong courſe to get wealth. If it be ſaid that many are thus made rich, I anſwer, that as cHoſ. 13. 11. Ne liberos praetexas. Qui enim filium fecit, & te fecit: qui etiam tibi occaſiones nutriend praebet, & filio praebebit vitae ſubſidia. Baſil. loc. …it.God gaue a King to Iſraell, ſo he giueth wealth to them, in wrath: and in wrath will he take it away.
6. They bring Gods curſe into their houſe, and leaue it vntounto their children: So as theſe are the riches that are reſerued to the owners thereof for their euill. Let not therefore care for children draw thee to any coueteous or vniuſt courſes: but know that he who made thy ſonne made thee alſo, and he who affoorded thee meanes of nouriſhment, will alſo affoord thy children ſufficient ſuccour.
§. 8. Of Parents prouidence for their children.How farre parents prouidence extendeth it ſelfe.
The head, whereunto all the particular duties, which parents owe to their children, may be referred, is A prouident care for their childrens good. This extendeth it ſelfe to all times, and to all things.
To all times, as to the infancie, youth, and man-age of their children: and that not only while parents liue, but after their departure.
To all things, namely, tending both to the temporall good of their children, and alſo to their ſpirituall good.
Children are of the very ſubſtance of their parents, & therefore ought parents ſo farre to ſeeke their childrens good as their owne.
The patternes of holy parents recorded and commended in Scripture, doe liuely ſet forth this prouident care.
But this generall we will exemplifie in the particulars: and in order declare how parents muſt prouide both for the temporall, and alſo for the ſpirituall good of their children in eueryevery degree of their age.
They who at any time in any thing are negligent and careleſſe of their childrens good, offend in the contrary to this generall dutie. The heinouſneſſe of which offences will appeare in the particulars.
§. 9. Of a mothers care ouer her childe while it is in her wombe.
The firſt age of a childe is the infancie thereof. I will therefore firſt ſhew how therein parents muſt procure the temporall good of their children, and then their ſpirituall good.
The firſt part of a childs infancie is while it remaineth in the mothers wombe. Here therefore the dutie lieth principally vponupon the mother: who ſo ſoone as ſhe perceiueth a childe to be conceiued in her wombe, ought to hauehave an eſpeciall care thereof, that (ſo much as in her lieth) the childe may be ſafely brought forth. (*Grauidae corpora curare debent. Mens item earum quietem deſiderat. Quae enim procreantur à matre in cuius aluo continentur, alimentum capiunt, vt à terra ea-quae gignantur ex ea. Ariſt. Pol. lib. 7. The heathen Philoſophen, by light of nature, obſerued this to be a dutie; and preſcribed it to mothers.) A mother then muſt hauehave a tender care ouer her ſelfe when ſhee is with childe: for the childe being lodged in her, and receiuing nouriſhment from her (as plants from the earth) her well-being tendeth much to the good and ſafetie of the childe: but the hurt that commeth to her, maketh the childe the worſe, if it be not a meanes to deſtroy it. Why was the charge of aIudg. 13. 4.abſtaining from wine, ſtrong drinke, and vncleane things, giuen to Manoahs wife, but becauſe of the childe which ſhe conceiued?
In this caſe there is a double bond to make mothers carefull of themſelues.
1. Their owne,
2. Their childs good.
Husbands alſo in this caſe muſt be very tender ouer their wiues, and helpfull to them in all things needfull, both in regard of that dutie which they owe to their wiues, and alſo of that they Iudg. 13. 11, &c.owe to their children. Why was Manoah ſo deſirous to heare himſelfe the forenamed direction which the Angell gaue to his wife? and why did the Angell againe repeat it to him, but to ſhew it belonged to him to ſee her obſerue it?
They who through violence of paſſion, whether of griefe, or Contrary.anger, or through violent motion of the bodie, as by dancing, ſtriuing, 1. To miſcarry through negligence.running, galloping on horſebacke, or the like: or through diſtemper of the bodie, by eating things hurtfull, by eating too much, by too much abſtinence, by too much baſhfulneſſe in concealing their deſires and longings (as we ſpeake) cauſe any abortion or miſcariage, fall into the offence contrary to the forenamed dutie. If women were perſwaded that in conſcience they are bound to the forenamed dutie, they would, I thinke, be more carefull of themſelues. For if through their default, they themſelues or their childe miſcarry, they make themſelues guilty of that miſcariage: if both miſcarry, they make themſelues guiltie of the bloud of both; at leaſt in the court of conſcience before God.
But they who purpoſely take things to make away their children 2. To make away a childe in the wombe. Omne quod formatam animam à Deo accepit vindie abitur ſi iniuſlè interimatur. Conſtit. Apoſt. l. 7. c. 4.in their wombe, are in farre higher degree guiltie of bloud: yea euen of wilfull murther. For that which hath receiued a ſoule formed in it by God, if it be vniuſtly caſt away, ſhall be reuenged.
So farre forth as husbands are careleſſe of their wiues being with childe, denying them things needfull, they are acceſſarie to the hurt, which the woman, or childe taketh, guiltie of the ſin, and liable to the iudgement.
§. 10. Of prouiding things needfull for the childe, ſo ſoone as it is borne: and of crueltie contrary thereunto.
The next degree of a childs infancie, is while it is in the ſwadling bands, and remaineth a ſucking childe. In this alſo the care eſpecially lieth vponupon the mother: yet ſo as the father muſt afford what helpe he can.
The firſt dutie here required is, that ſufficient prouiſion of all things needfull for a childe in that weakneſſe be before hand prouided. What the particulars be, women better know, then I can expreſſe. For me, it is ſufficient, to lay downe the dutie in generall: which is commended vntounto vsus in that worthy patterne of the Virgin Marie, who though ſhe were very poore, and forced to trauell farre, and brought to bed in a ſtrange place, where ſhe was ſo little reſpected, as ſhe was not afforded a place meet for a woman in her caſe, but was faine to content her ſelfe with a ſtable in a common Inne, yet ſhe prouided for her childe. For it is ſaid, She wrapped him in ſwadling clothes, Luk 2. 7.
Contrary is the practiſe of ſuch lewd and vnnaturall women, as leaue their new-borne children vnderunder ſtalls, at mens doores, in Church porches, yea many times in open field. It is noted as a point of vnnaturalneſſe in the Oſtrich, to leaue her eggs in the earth, and in the duſt: in which reſpect ſhe is ſaid to be hardned againſt her young ones, as though they were not hers, Iob 39. 14, 16. Much more hardned are the foreſaid lewd women. The Eagle is Iniquiffima volucris Aquila dicitur, quiae taedio nutriendi pullum quem genuit, ipſa fugat. Tales parentes ij ſunt, qui liberos ſuos infantes exponunt. Baſil. Hexam. hom. 8. Necare videtur qui partum abijcit, & qui publicis locis miſericordiae cauſa, quam ipſe non habet, exponit. Digeſt. l, 25. tit. 3. §. 4. 1 Pet. 2. 2.counted an vnnaturall bird, becauſe ſhe thruſteth her young ones, which ſhe hath brought forth, out of her neſt. Are not then ſuch mothers much more vnnaturall? They oft lay their children forth in publike places, for others to ſhew that mercy, which they themſelues hauehave not. The Ciuill Law iudgeth this to be a kinde of further.
§. 11. Of giuing ſucke to children.
Among other needfull things, the milke of the breaſt is fit for …oung babes, and with it they are to be nouriſhed. I thinke none …oubt of the equitie of this. It hath in all ages, and in all coun…ies, beene accounted the beſtfood that can be for young babes. The metaphor, which S. Peter vſeth, taken from young infants in theſe words, As new-borne babes deſire the ſincere milke of the …ord) confirmeth as much. So doth alſo the deſire which ſuch …nfants hauehave to the milke of the breaſts: and the abilitie, and …omptneſſe which is in them to ſucke: and Gods prouidence in …uſing a womans breaſts to yeeld forth ſuch milke: and the conſtant manner of nouriſhing little infants after this manner, commended in the Scriptures: and (to conclude) the naturall inſtinct which many vnreaſonable creatures hauehave thus to nouriſh their young ones.
They who on meere curioſitie (where no vrgent neceſſitie requireth) try whether their children may not as birds be nouriſhed without ſucke, offend contrary to this dutie; and reiect that meanes which God hath ordained as the beſt: and ſo oppoſe their ſhallow wit to his vnſearchable wiſdome.