Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 5 · Section 28 – Section 38
§. 28. Of childrens obedience to their parents commandements.
I. What lawfull commandements ſoeuer parents giuegive to their children, they muſt be ready to the vttermoſt of their power to obey. dEpheſ. 6. 1.Obey your parents, ſaith the Apoſtle to children.
Parents, by vertue of their place, hauehave power and authoritie to command: Children therefore muſt obey, or elſe that power is to no purpoſe.
To demonſtrate this by ſome particulars:
1. If a parent call his childe, or ſend for him, he muſt readily A childe muſt come at the parents call.come, yea though he know not the occaſion. Eli was in place of a parent to Samuel, whereupon the childe ſuppoſing that Eli called him, b1 Sam. 3. 5, &c.ranne to him once, and againe and againe. c& 16. 12.Dauid when he was ſent for by his father out of the field to be anointed King, knew not the occaſion, yet came. dGen. 49. 1.The twelue ſonnes of Iaakob, though men growne, yet called for by their father, aſſembled themſelues together before him.
2. If a parent be diſpoſed to ſend his childe any whither, or of A childe muſt goe at his parents word.any errand, though it be farre off, and may ſeeme ſomewhat troubleſome, yet he ought to goe, and doe it. The *§. 27.forenamed example of eGen. 28. 5.Iaakob, the example alſo of f& 37. 14.Ioſeph (being ſent to ſee whether it were well with his brethren) and of the g& 42. 2, 3.tenne ſonnes of Iaakob (being ſent by their father into Egypt,) and of h1 Sam. 17. 17,Dauid (ſent to viſit his brethren in the hoſte) are in this caſe commended by the holy Ghoſt. Of Dauid it is noted, that i20.he aroſe vp early and went as Iſhai had commanded him: which ſetteth forth his ready obedience.
3. If a parent require his childe to attend vponupon him, he muſt A childe at command muſt attend vponupon the parent.alſo doe that. When Abram was going vp to the top of Moriah his will was that his ſeruants ſhould tarrie behinde, and that his ſonne Iſaak ſhould attend him, and carry the wood for the ſacrifice, and accordingly Iſaak obeyed.Gen. 22. 6.
4. If a parent inioyne any taske, or commit any buſineſſe to A child muſt do the meſſage his parent will hauehave him doe.his childe, he ought faithfully to performe it. This kinde of faithfull obedience is commended in dGen. 50. 5.Ioſeph, in the eIer. 35. 8.Rechabites, and in f1 Sam. 17. 20.Dauid, with many others. Ioſeph, by reaſon of his great place, might not goe out of Egypt, yet to performe that which his father inioyned him, he asked leaue. The Rechabites were tempted to breake their fathers charge, yet they would not. Dauid when he was ſent by his father, from the ſheepe which were committed to his cuſtodie, was carefull to leaue them with a keeper: 1 Sam. 17. 20.and againe, when a Beare at one time, and a Lion at another came verſ. 34.to the flocke, he put his life in hazard to preſerue the flocke: all theſe circumſtances are thus noted, to ſet forth the great care that theſe children had to diſcharge that charge which their parents had committed to them.
§. 29. Of childrens diſobedience to their parents commandements.
Contrary is a rebellious diſpoſition in children, manifeſted by theſe and ſuch like practiſes,
1. By refuſing to be at their parents call; or comming (as we ſpeake) at leiſure, and making their parents wait for them.
2. By a lazie, ſluggiſh pretending of vaine and friuolous excuſes, when their parents would ſend them of an errand, like that ſluggard, who ſaith, aProu. 22. 13.A lion is without, I ſhall be ſlaine in the ſtreets. Such pretences are as b& 10. 26.vineger to the teeth, and ſmoke to the eyes.
3. By ſcorning to wait on their parents; and in that reſpect they will ſlinke out of doores, and abſent themſelues, when they imagine their parents will vſe their ſeruice in that kinde: they forſooth will not be their parents ſeruants: and impious conceit.
4. By refuſing to doe what their parents inioyne them to doe, and require at their hands, like cMatt. 21. 30.the younger ſonne, that went not to worke in the vineyard at his fathers command. Such children for the moſt part offend herein, as through pride thinke the buſineſſe inioyned to them too meane, and baſe to doe. Had Dauid, or the daughters of Reguel beene of this minde, the one would 1 Sam. 16. 13, 21. & 17. 15.not hauehave returned to his fathers ſheepe, after he was anointed to be King ouer Iſrael, and after he had beene called to the Court; and the other would not hauehave watered their fathers ſheepe, eſpecially Exo. 2. 16, 17.among ſuch rude and bioſterous clownes, as without all reſpect to their place and ſex, would driue them away.
§. 30. Of childrens obedience to their parents inſtruction.
II. Such wholſome inſtructions as parents giuegive their children for the well ordering of their cariage, children ought conſcionably …o obey: a point which aPro. 1. 8. 9. & 4. 1.Solomon much preſſeth: My ſonne, ſaith …he, heare the inſtruction of thy father, and forſake not the law of thy another, &c. And to moue children the rather to doe ſo, he ſets before them bPro. 4. 3.his owne example, ſhewing that he required no more of them then himſelfe had performed. cExo. 18. 24.Moſes, though growne to yeeres, and a prince among his people, teſtified his obedience to his father in law hereby.
1. Parents hauehave an expreſſe commandement to inſtruct their Reaſons. 1. Parents ought to inſtruct.children (as we ſhall *Treat. 6.after ſhew.) Great reaſon therefore that their children heare and obey them therein. The good inſtructions of any one are to be regarded, much more of parents.
2. Great wiſdome may be attained thereby: for the deſire that §. 26, &c.parents hauehave of their childrens good, maketh them giuegive the beſt 2. Children get much wiſdome thereby.directions they can vntounto them, euen what themſelues hauehave learned of others, or obſerued by their owne experience: in this reſpect, Solomon ſtileth him dProu. 13. 1.a wiſe ſonne that obeyeth the inſtruction of his father: and reſembleth the fruit and benefit thereof, to eProu. 1. 9. & 4. 9.acomely ornament, to chaines, and bracelets, and to a crowne of glory.
3. Much ioy and comfort is brought to parents by ſeeing 3. Much ioy is brought to parents.their children obſerue their inſtruction: for fProu. 10. 1.a wiſe ſonne maketh a…glad father. Now this is a thing which children ought to aime at, gProu. 27. 11.to reioyce their parents heart. Eſau is taxed for hGen. 26. 35.grieuing his parents.
Contrary is their proud and fooliſh humour, who thinke they need no inſtruction, their parents are too iealous of them, they are wiſe enough of themſelues; if their parents would but let them alone, they ſhould doe better: thus they ſhew themſelues impious againſt God, rebellious againſt their parents, and iniurious to themſelues. Such were i1 Sam. 2. 25.Elies, and kGen. 19. 14.Lots ſonnes. Now note the vengeance that fell vponupon them.
§. 31. Of childrens patience to their parents reproofe.
III. The obedience of children muſt further *Treat. 3. §. 47, &c.The reaſons alledged, and the directions giuen concerning a wiues ſubiection to her husbands reproofe, may fitly be applied to this part of childrens obedience. Here therefore the ſame order is obſerued, and the ſeuerall points confirmed by proofes pertinent to children.extend it ſelf to their parents reproofe: and that by patient bearing all manner of reproofes, and by amending what is iuſtly reproued. That ſhame, whereof the Lord ſpeaketh, which ſhould be in a childe, Num. 12. 14.when her father hath ſpet in her face, that is, by ſome outward ſigne manifeſted his anger, implieth a childs patient bearing of a parents reproofe. This patience in a childe muſt be manifeſted to his parent, whether his reproofe be milde or bitter, iuſt or vniuſt. In this reſpect a childe muſt more conſider the perſon who reproueth, then the matter or manner of the reproofe. Iaakobs reproofe of Ioſeph, for his dreames which came of God, was vniuſt: Gen. 37. 10.the manner of vttering it, with many ſhort pauſes, and that interrogatiuely, implieth ſome tartneſſe: yet ſuch was his patience, as we read not of one diſcontented word that he gaue. But moſt memorable is the patience of Ionathan in this kinde. His father Sauls 1 Sam. 20. 30, &c.reproofe of him was directly vniuſt, and out of meaſure bitter: yet with what patience did he beare it? all that he replied was to make ſome little apologie for Dauid: he replied nothing againſt his fathers opprobrious ſpeeches.
Great wiſdome may be learned by this patience: for ſo may a Reaſon. Wiſdome learned.childe better iudge of his parents reproofe, whether it be iuſt or no. Though it be vniuſt, yet thereby may he obſerue what is diſpleaſing to his parents: at leaſt he may obſerue his parents infirmitie, and ſo know the better how to carry himſelfe towards them.
Contrary is the practiſe of ſuch children, as vponupon eueryevery reproofe of their parents are ready to * anſwer againe. Our parents See. §. 6.are wayward, ſay they, who can beare them? If none elſe could beare them, yet ſhould children: for parents ordinarily beare ſuch waywardneſſe, and vntowardneſſe at their childrens hands, eſpecially while they are young, as none elſe would or could.
Queſt. If a parent be miſtaken in a matter, and vniuſtly reproue his childe, may the childe make no anſwer?
Anſw. Yes, he may, ſo he doe it mildly, reuerendly, and ſeaſonably: not too peremptorily croſſing or thwarting his parent.
Obiect. Chriſt tooke vp his mother very roundly for reprouing Luk. 2. 49.him vniuſtly.
Anſw. Chriſt as God-man was greater then his mother, and in that reſpect with authoritie blamed her for her vniuſt reproofe. The Virgin Marie was not ignorant thereof, and therefore was ſilent.
§. 32. Of childrens readineſſe to amend what is iuſtly reproued by their parents.
If a childe be iuſtly for his fault reproued by his parents, See Treat. 3. §. 48.both conſcience toward God, and obedience to his parent, requireth that he readily redreſſe that which is amiſſe. Vnleſſe amendment of the thing iuſtly reproued be added to patient bearing of reproofe, that patience can be no better accounted of, then diſſimulation, and plaine mockage. When the father Exo. 18. 17.in law of Moſes told him, that what he did was not well, he forthwith amended it.
But contrarily many lewd and vngracious children continue to goe on in their wicked courſes, though their parents againe, and againe rebuke them for it. Iuſt was Elies reproofe of his children, but yet no amendment followed. Now note the inference made thereupon by the holy Ghoſt, They obeyed 1 Sam. 2. 25.not the voice of their father, becauſe the Lord would ſlay them: whereby is implied, that to deſpiſe the iuſt reproofe of parents is an euident ſigne, and forerunner of Gods heauy iudgement. Salomon calls the childe which will heare no rebuke, a Scorner, Pro. 13. 1.which noteth out a moſt obſtinate ſinner that cannot be reclaimed, and in that reſpect is ſcorned of the Lord.Pro. 3. 34.
§. 33. Of Childrens ſubmiſſion to their parents correction.
IIII. Correction is a reall reproofe, a reproofe in the higheſt degree, euen the ſeuereſt kinde of reproofe: ſo as by ſubiection hereunto great tryall of obedience is made. By the ſame meanes muſt a childes ſubmiſſion to his parent in this kinde of reproofe be manifeſted, as in the former: namely,
1. By bearing patiently the correction which his parent ſhall giuegive him.
2. By amending readily that for which he is iuſtly corrected.
The former of theſe is noted by the Apoſtle as a ruled caſe, a matter not to be denied, in theſe words, aHeb. 12. 9.We hauehave had fathers of our fleſh which corrected vsus, and we gaue them reuerence. One ſpeciall part of this reuerence is a patient ſuffering: therefore he inferres thereupon, ought we not to be in ſubiection? &c.
The latter is ſet forth by Salomon vnderunder an effect which followeth vponupon the performance thereof: for hauing aduiſed a parent to correct his childe, he addeth this reaſon, bPro. 29. 17.He ſhall giuegive thee reſt, yea he ſhall giuegive delight vntounto thy ſoule: how can this reſt, and delight be giuen, but by the childes amendment of that for which he is corrected? A parent taketh no delight in the paine, and ſmart of his childe, but in the fruit that followeth thereupon. As a childes tranſgreſſion is cGen. 26. 35.a griefe, and vexation to the parent, ſo his amendment cauſeth reſt and delight. Now this effect followeth not ſimply vponupon correction, but vponupon the good vſe thereof which is made by the childe. It lyeth therefore in the childe, and ſo lyeth vponupon him as a dutie, to giuegive this reſt and delight to his parent by amending the fault for which he is corrected, as he brought griefe to him by prouoking him to vſe correction. Thus ſhall neither parent repent the inflicting, nor the childe repent the induring of correction.
That a childe may attaine to this degree of obedience, he Direction for well vſing correction.muſt duly conſider both the Cauſe whereby his parent is moued to correct him, and alſo the End which he aimeth at therein. The cauſe is the dPro. 13. 24.louelove he beareth to his childe. The end which he aimeth at, is his childes c& 22. 15.good. If theſe motiues worke not obedience, what can?
§. 34. Of refuſing, or abuſing correction.
Contrary is diſdaine on the one ſide, and obſtinacie on the other. Diſdaine, when children ſcorne to be corrected by their parents: and in that reſpect when by all the meanes they can vſe, they cannot auoid it, they will mutter and murmure, fret and fume, rage and raue againſt their parents, and deſpiſe and hate them for it. Obſtinacie, when they will be no whit bettered thereby, but ſtill runne on in their leaud courſes, and rather waxe the worſe for being corrected. This may be counted the higheſt pitch of a childes rebellion: for this is the laſt meanes which a parent can vſe to reclaime his childe from deſperate courſes. If this preuaileth not, the law of God requireth, Deut. 21. 18. &cthat a parent ſhould giuegive vp his childe into the hand of the Magiſtrate, that he may be put to death.
Hitherto of the diſtinct branches of childrens Obedience.
The Extent thereof followeth.
§. 35. Of childrens conforming their iudgements to their parents.
The extent of childrens obedience is only implied in this Epiſtle to the Epheſians, but it is expreſſed (Col. 3. 20) in theſe words, Children obey your parents aforeign.IN ALL THINGS. A large extent, but not ſimply to be taken without any limitation: for the Apoſtle himſelfe noteth a reſtraint in theſe words, bEph. 6. 1. foreign.In the Lord. So farre forth as children tranſgreſſe not any of Gods commandements in obeying their parents, they ought to obey. This is to obey in all things, in the Lord.
*Treat. 3. §. 63, 64, &c. The extent of childrens obedience.The extent of childrens duties being the very ſame that was of wiues duties: and the reſtraint alſo the ſame, that order which was there obſerued ſhall here alſo be kept. Only other proofes more pertinent to childrens place, ſhall be brought to confirme thoſe generall propoſitions which may be applied to any inferiours. Many generall reaſons there alledged for proofe of the propoſitions ſhall here be omitted. Wherefore compare this place with that.
Thus we ſee that parents authority is very large: there is no reſtraint of it but Gods contrary command, whereof a childe muſt be aſſured, if he refuſe to obey his parent in any thing.
It is not enough for a childe to ſay I hauehave thus long, and in thus many things obeyed my parent, I hope in ſome things if I hauehave mine owne will, I may be excuſed. No: All things compriſe more then many things. Wherefore Many are not enough. And though Gods will be exempted, yet is not thine owne will exempted: though thou maieſt doe nothing againſt Gods will, yet thou oughteſt to doe many things againſt thine owne will, if it be contrary to thy parents.
Two things are to be laboured after by children for attaining to this extent of obedience in all things.
1. They muſt labour to bring their iudgement and will to the bent of their parents: to thinke that meet and conuenient for them to doe which their parents will hauehave them doe. Though Iſaak thought it ſomewhat ſtrange that he ſhould Gen. 22. 6, 7.carry wood vp to an hill to offer ſacrifice where was nothing for a burnt offering, yet it being the will of his father that he ſhould doe ſo, he thought it meet enough for him to doe ſo.
This ſubiection of iudgement and will is to be yeelded in all the particular caſes of obedience which were *§. 13. 14. &c.before propounded, as in their calling, mariage, apparrell, allowance, &c. So as children are to thinke that kinde of calling, that particular match, that apparrell, and that allowance to be meeteſt for them, which their parents thinke meete.
If the iudgement be perſwaded of the meetneſſe of a thing, Reaſon.and the will inwardly brought to yeeld vntounto it, outward obedience will more readily and cheerefully bee yeelded thereunto.
Contrary is the ouerweining conceipt which many children Childrens ouer-weining conceit of their owne iudgement aboue their parents, cauſeth much miſchiefe.hauehave of their owne iudgement and will, who thinke they can better diſcerne what is fit and meete for themſelues, then their parents. They imagine their parents to be too ſtrict and preciſe, or too ſuſpicious and iealous, or too couetous and worldly. This maketh them take what callings, what matches, what apparrell, what allowance they thinke beſt; whence many miſchiefes ariſe, which would all eaſily be auoided, if they would lay downe that preſumptuous conceit, and labour to obſerue the forenamed direction.
§. 36. Of childrens yeelding to practiſe at their parents command, ſuch things as in their iudgements they cannot thinke very meet.
2. Though children cannot in their iudgements thinke that which their parents require to be the fitteſt and meeteſt, yet being preſſed thereto by the peremptory command of their parents, in practiſe they ought to yeeld vntounto it, ſaying to their parents as Peter to the Lord, Neuertheleſſe at thy word I will doe this, Thus did aGen. 27. 6. &c.Iaakob yeeld to Rebekah: he thought by doing that which his mother bid him, he ſhould ſeeme a …ocker to his father, yet ſhe vrging him, he did it.
Queſt.
May not a childe, yeelding better reaſon then his parent, refuſe to doe what he thinketh vnmeet, or at leaſt for…eare to doe what he is commanded, till he be better informed …f the meetneſſe thereof?
Anſw. With reuerence and humility he may render his reaſon why he thinketh it not meete, and deſire his parent not to vrge it vponupon him.
(This did bGen. 43. 3.Iudah one of the ſonnes of Iaakob, and is not blamed for it:) and parents ought in ſuch a caſe to yeeld to their children (as cVerſ. 11.Iaakob did.) But yet if in things indifferent, parents be otherwiſe minded then their children, and will hauehave their children yeeld to them, they muſt yeeld.
For, 1. In in different things the command of a parent is a warrant to the childe, by reaſon of this extent (all things:) ſo as the parent may ſinne in commanding that, in doing whereof the childe may not ſinne. Who can cleare Rebeckah of ſinne in commanding Iaakob to deceiue his father? yet I take it, that Iaakob cannot iuſtly be blamed for obeying.
2. Children doe thus manifeſt an high eſteeme of their parents, and very great reſpect towards them: they ſhew how deſirous they are to pleaſe them, and how fearefull to offend them. When the will of parent and childe conſent, there is no ſuch triall.
3. By this meanes peace and louelove is better preſerued betwixt parent and childe: a parents anger is ſtopped, the effects thereof auoided, and many other miſchiefes preuented, which oft fall out when inferiours refuſe to yeeld to their ſuperiours who hauehave authority ouer them.
Contrary is their prepoſterous peremptorines who will doe A fault for children to be too peremptory -againſt their parents command.nothing againſt their own mind & will, though their parents require it neuer ſo much. This phraſe (fGen. 43. 5. If thou wilt not ſend, we will not goe downe) which Iudah vſed to his father, though in a good cauſe, was too peremptory for a childe. They who obſtinately refuſe to doe thoſe things which are againſt their owne minde, muſt needs come ſhort of this extent, Obey in all things. Yea they ſhew that what they doe is rather for their owne ſakes becauſe they like it, then for their parents ſake. What obedience then may that be thought to be? Yet this is all the obedience which many children will yeeld. If they thinke not that which their parents require to be meet, nor faire, nor foule meanes ſhall moue them to doe it; whereby many children doe much prouoke their parents. Let ſuch children know, that it is eueryevery way more ſafe for them at the inſtant command of their parent to doe that which they conceiue to be vnmeet, then peremptorily to diſobey their parents, which is more then vnmeet, euen vnlawfull.
§. 37. Of the reſtraint of childrens obedience.
The reſtraint of childrens obedience is expreſſed in this clauſe, in the Lord: which phraſe affordeth a neceſſary limitation Heb. 12. 9. foreign.in obeying their parents, who are but parents of our fleſh, men and women, ſubiect to erre in their commandements, and to require ſuch ſinfull things as their children may not with a good conſcience performe. The limitation then which the forenamed clauſe (in the Lord) affordeth, is this,
Children muſt performe no other obedience to their parents, then may ſtand with their obedience to God. The reaſons rendred by the Apoſtle proue as much: This is right, this is well pleaſing to Epheſ. 6. 1. Col. 3. 20.the Lord. But to obey parents againſt the Lord is neither right nor wellpleaſing to the Lord.
If therefore parents command their children to doe any thing See the two paire of cautions annexed to like limitations of a wiues obedience, Treat. 3. §. 51. & 52. and apply them to theſe 1 Sam. 19. 11. &c. limitations of childrens obedience.which the Lord hath forbidden them, they ought not to doe it. On this ground did Michal well in ſuffering her husband Dauid to eſcape out of the handes of Saul her father. I iuſtifie not her manner of carying the matter, with vntruths, and falſe tales; but her refuſing to yeeld to her fathers minde and will is iuſtifiable, and that in two reſpects.
1. In that the difference was betwixt her husband and father. Now eGen. 2. 24. & 3. 16.by Gods law a wife is to yeeld to her husband rather then to her father.
2. Becauſe ſhe knew her father ſought to ſlay him: if then ſhe had deliuered him into the hands of her father, ſhe had made her ſelfe acceſſary to murder. In this latter reſpect Io…athan alſo did well in refuſing to fetch Dauid at his fathers 1 Sam. 20. 31, 32.command.
Thus if a father command his childe to goe to Maſſe, to forſweare himſelfe, to marry an Idolater, to ſteale, to lie, or to commit any other ſinne forbidden by God, the childe ought not to obey: thoſe things cannot be done in the Lord.
Againe if parents forbid their children the doing of any neceſſary duty commanded of God, the childe ought to doe it notwithſtanding the parents inhibition. We may well thinke that Ahaz who ſet himſelfe ſo violently to deface the holy things of God, to prophane his ordinances, and to ſhut vp the doores of Gods Houſe, gaue ſtrait charge to his ſonne that he 2 Chr. 29. 3. &c.ſhould not repaire them againe; yet Hezekiah ſo ſoone as he had power did repaire all.
If a parent forbid his childe to goe to the Proteſtants Churches, to heare a Sermon, to pray in a knowne tongue, to giuegive iuſt weight, and meaſure, to ſpeake the truth when he is called to witneſſe it, with the like; he muſt be of Daniels minde, Dan. 6. 10.and notwithſtanding that prohibition, doe the things which God requireth.
§. 38. Of childrens ſinne in yeelding to their parents againſt God.
Contrary to this limitation is on the one ſide a flattering eie-ſeruice in many children, who care not what they doe, be 1. Eie ſeruice.it good or euill, lawfull or vnlawfull, ſo they may pleaſe their parents thereby: and on the other ſide a ſlauiſh fearefulneſſe, 2. Fearefulneſſe.which maketh them ſo to dread their parents as they feare not God at all: they will rather chooſe to ſinne and ſo prouoke Gods wrath, then doe any thing whereby their parents wrath may be prouoked. It is a brand ſet vponupon euill kings that they a½ Kin. 22. 52.walked in the waies of their fathers, and mothers: and did wickedly b2 Chr. 22. 4.as they counſelled them. Wherefore the following and obeying of their parents in euill was ſo farre from extenuating their ſinne, as it did rather aggrauate the ſame. The preferring of father and mother before the Lord Chriſt ſheweth that ſuch a childe is cMatt. 10. 37.not worthy of Chriſt: In compariſon of Chriſt dLuke 14. 26.Father and mother muſt be hated. But that vndue and vnchriſtian-like reſpect of parents aboue Chriſt, is it that maketh ſo many young Papiſts, young ſwagerers, ſwearers, Motiues to prouoke children to prefer God before their parents.liars, deceitfull perſons, and lewd liuers.
For auoiding the two forenamed extremes let thine heart be filled with a true feare of God, and withall conſider the difference betwixt our earthly parents and our heauenly Father. They are but parents eHeb. 12. 9.of our fleſh, he is the Father of ſpirits. fLuk. 12. 4, 5.They can but touch the body, he can caſt body and ſoule into hell. They are but a while ouer vsus, he for euer. Their authority is ſubordinate to his, his ſupreme & abſolute of it ſelfe. They can giuegive but a light temporary reward; he, an eternall weight of glorie. They cannot ſhelter vsus from his wrath, he can from theirs.
Hitherto of ſuch duties of children as reſpect their parents authority, ſuch as reſpect their neceſſity follow.