Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 5 · Section 9 – Section 13
§. 9. Of childrens asking their parents bleſſing, whether it be lawfull or no.
Some doubt is made of this duty both in regard of the thing it ſelfe, and alſo of the geſture of kneeling vſed in the performance thereof: I will therefore diſtinctly proue both.
For the thing, it is noted of Iaakob that he carried ſauory meat to his father, that he might bleſſe him: and of Ioſeph, that Gen. 27. 19.he went to his father, and carried his two ſonnes with him, Gen. 48. 1. &c.that his father might bleſſe both him and them: for which end the twelue ſonnes of Iaakob aſſembled to their father.Gen. 49. 1. &c. How the bleſſings which the patriarchs gaue their children are patterns to others.
Obiect. Theſe were extraordinary examples: the Patriarchs were indued with the ſpirit of propheſie, whereby they reuealed to their children what their eſtate ſhould be in the times to come: for knowledge whereof their children came to them.
1. Anſw. Their bleſſings were more then predictions of things to come: they were confirmations and aſſurances to the See Treat. 6. §. 58.children that God would indeed performe that bleſſing which their parents had pronounced. For they ſuſtained a double perſon: the perſon of a Prophet, and of a father; as prophets they foretold things to come: as fathers they obtained the bleſſings pronounced, and an aſſurance thereof to their children, Heb. 11. 20.and that by faith and praier.
2. Anſw. Though all parents cannot with ſuch an extraordinary ſpirit aſſure vntounto their children any diſtinct particular bleſſing, yet the faithfull praier of parents is an eſpeciall, and ordinary meanes to obtaine a bleſſing from God vponupon their children: and that becauſe of Gods promiſe which extends Gen. 17. 7. Act. 2. 39.it ſelfe not only to fathfull parents, but alſo to their ſeed. Wherefore as the children of the patriarches came to their fathers to be aſſured of ſome extraordinary bleſſing, ſo may other children goe to their parents as a meanes to obtaine an ordinary bleſſing. It is noted of Eliah that by an extraordinary ſpirit in praier he obtained extraordinary matters: Yet Iam. 5. 17.the Apoſtle ſetteth forth that example to all Chriſtians as a motiue to ſtirre them vp in faith to pray for ordinary bleſſings. But for further clearing of this point, note the phraſe foreignvſed in the fift commandement as a reaſon to moue children to honour their parents: this it is word for word, That they may prolong thy daies, &c. how can parents prolong their childrens daies, but by begging that bleſſing of God? *See Treat. 6. §. 4. Prou. 15. 8. How wicked parents may bleſſe their children.The praiers then of parents are a great bleſſing to children, and children ought to ſeeke this bleſſing of their parents.
Obiect. If parents be wicked, their praier is abomination: what bleſſing then can children looke for from wicked parents?
Anſw. Though God heare not wicked parents in louelove and goodneſſe to themſelues, yet for the good of their children he may and will heare them: and that the rather to maintaine a reuerend reſpect of parents in the heart of their children. For asking a bleſſing is an acknowledgement of ſuperiority and authority, according to that of the Apoſtle, The leſſe is bleſſed Heb. 7. 7.of the greater.
Concerning the geſture of kneeling, it is anſwerable to the It is lawfull for children to kneele to their parents. Gen. 48. 12.geſture which of old was vſed by Gods people in like caſe: of Ioſeph it is ſaid that he bowed downe himſelfe with his face to the earth.
Obiect. Kneeling is a geſture proper to Gods worſhip.
Anſw. It is not ſo proper, but that it may be vſed in ciuill caſes: elſe Chriſt would hauehave reproued the young man for kneeling before him as well as for calling him good: for he conceiued Mar. 10. 17.Chriſt to be but a meere man, and the worſhip he did him was but ciuill.
It is not ſimply the geſture, but the occaſion of the geſture, the minde of him that performeth it, and the end why he performeth it that maketh it diuine, or ciuill. Cornelius fell down before Peter with conceit of ſome diuine excellency in him, and was not allowed: his manner of worſhiping was diuine. The iaylor fell downe before Paul and Silas in acknowledgement of ſome outward eminency in them, and was not reproued: his manner of worſhipping was meerely ciuill. The ſame geſture may be performed to different perſons with a different reſpect. A childe may kneele to his parent, and to the king. Yet it followeth not that he maketh his parent a king. Neither will it follow that by kneeling to his parent he maketh him a God, becauſe men kneele to God.
§. 10. Of the vices contrary to childrens reuerend geſture towards their parents.
Contrary to the forenamed branches of reuerend geſture, are,Vnreuerend geſtures of children.
1. Rudeneſſe and vnmannerlineſſe, when children know not how to put difference betwixt their parents and ſtrangers, but can 1. Rudeneſſe.ſuffer their parents to come to them, and they abide in their place and not ſtirre to meet them.
2. Diſdainfull ſtatelineſſe, when they thinke much to ſtand 2. Statelineſſe.bare-headed any while in their parents preſence. It falleth out many times, that when parents and children are together before their betters, they will ſhew more reuerence then theſe: for the father will ſtand, and be vncouered, when the ſonne ſitteth downe and puts on his hat, vponupon conceit that his father doth more reuerence then is meet: but if it were ſo, yet the ſonne for the fathers ſake ſhould ſtoope ſomewhat the lower.
3. Wantonneſſe and boldneſſe, when children are ouer-familiar 3. Boldneſſe.with their parents: toying and gigling vponupon eueryevery light occaſion. This kinde of cariage cannot but much tend to the diſgrace and diſhonour of parents. For what can they who behold it thinke, but that ſuch children hauehave beene too much cockered and ill nurtered?
4. Ambition, when children are ſo ambitiouſly deſirous of place, 4. Ambition.eſpecially in companie, as rather then be vnderunder ſome whom they ſuppoſe to be at leaſt their equals, they will be aboue their parents. This oft falleth out, when parents being of a lowly minde, giuegive place to ſuch as their children, being of a lofty minde, thinke meaner then themſelues. Now rather then they will be vnderunder their inferiours (as they ſuppoſe) they will be aboue their parents. A point of great inſolencie. Such ought to be the reſpect of a childe to his parent, as he ſhould debaſe himſelfe below thoſe that are his inferiours, rather then exalt himſelfe aboue his parent. As with other men, for peace ſake, in many caſes, a man muſt depart from his right; ſo eſpecially with his parent, in caſe of ſuperioritie. Would not eueryevery one that knowes what honour a childe owes to a father, condemne that childs ambition, that ſhould ſo ſtand vponupon the place and hand, as to take them of his parent?
5. An ouer-nice and erroneous opinion of thoſe, who thinke it 5. Refuſing to aske bleſſing.vnmeet for any childe to aske their parents bleſſing. Their owne conceit more ſwayeth them, then the continuali approued practiſe of Gods people in all ages: not vnlike him whom Solomon ſaith to be wiſer in his owne conceit, then ſeuen men that can render Pro. 26. 16.a reaſon. Others, though they doe not ſo generally disa…ow this dutie, yet they thinke it meet only for yong children: not conſidering of what yeeres, ſtature, and ſtate, Ioſeph was, when he performed it.
As for thoſe, who thinke it not vnlawfull, yet careleſly neglect it, they little conſider the benefit of a parents bleſſing. Profane Eſau ſhall another day riſe vp in iudgement againſt them. He Gen 27. 34. Heb. 12 17.beggd and beggd againe and againe, and that with a loud cry and ſalt teares, a bleſſing of his father.
Thus much of childrens reuerence. Their obedience followeth.
§. 11. Of childrens obedience.
The obedience of children doth moſt proue the authoritie of parents, and is the ſureſt euidence of the honour a childe giueth to his parent: therefore is it aEph. 6. 1. Col. 3. 20.by name in the text expreſſed, and all other duties are compriſed vnderunder it. Reuerence without obedience is a meere mockage, nothing at all acceptable. Of the two, a childe were better faile in the former: inſtance the bMatt. 21. 31.parable of the two ſonnes. Reuerence in compariſon of obedience is but a complementall honour. Obedience is a true reall honour; the ſureſt triall of a dutifull childe. Obedience is a dutie ſo proper to children, as the Apoſtle applieth it to them as a proper attribute, ſaying, c1 Pet. 1. 14.as obedient children faſhion not, &c. The example of Chriſt is herein ſet before vsus as a patterne: dLuk. 2. 5 1.he was ſubiect to his parents. Solomon counteth the neglect thereof a ePro. 23. 22.deſpiſing of a parent.
Contrary is diſobedience and rebellion: the greateſt impeachment Diſobedience moſt contrary to parents authoritie.of parents authoritie that can be. For to what end is authoritie ouer thoſe who reſiſt it, and rebell againſt it? The f2 Tim. 3. 2.Apoſtle reckoneth diſobedient children among the lewdeſt perſons that be: and ſetteth forth their diſobedience by gTit 1. 6. foreign.a metaphor taken from vntamed, head-ſtrong beaſts, that will not be brought vnderunder the yoke: the word therefore is not vnfitly tranſlated vnruly: and it is ſomewhat anſwerable to an hDeut. 13. 13. foreign ex non & profuit. Hier. abſque iugo. quaſi foreignHebrew phraſe giuen to diſobedient children, viz. ſonnes of Belial, which is according to the notation as much as ſonnes without profit; or, as ſome will hauehave …it, ſonnes without yoke, that is, ſuch children, as refuſing to be in ſubiection vntounto parents, are no way profitable, but worke much miſchiefe, and cauſe great griefe. The iDeut. 21. 18, &c.puniſhment which by Gods law was appointed to diſobedient and rebellious children, was a publike ſhamefull death.
§. 12. Of childrens forbearing to doe things without conſent of parents.
That children may the better know their dutie in this reſpect, The parts of a childs obedience.I will diſtinctly ſet forth, both the parts, and alſo the extent of a childs obedience:
1. Wherein it conſiſteth.
2. How farre it extendeth.
The generall parts wherein it conſiſteth are two:
1. A forbearance from doing things without conſent of parents.Of the ſeuerall wayes whereby conſent may be giuen, ſee Treat. 3.
2. A performance of ſuch things as parents will hauehave done.
The former of theſe is a dutie whereunto children are muſt bound while they are vnderunder their parents gouernment. For that §. 19. Num. 30. 17.time the conſent of parents is not only meet, but neceſſarie: and that for theſe reaſons.
1. Children are as the goods of their parents, wholly in their power, to be ordered and diſpoſed by them. On this ground Satan hauing all that Iob had put into his hand, tooke libertie ouer Iob 1. 12, 19.his children as well as ouer his goods and chattell.
2. Children while they be vnderunder gouernment, (euen the eldeſt that are heires) differ nothing from ſeruants.Galat. 4. 1.
3. By Gods law giuen to the Iewes, parents had power to ſell Exod. 21. 7.their children.
4. Parents had power to diſanull ſuch things as children had done. Inſtance the caſe of a vow made to God, which was one of Num. 30. 4.the moſt inuiolable things that one could doe.
Contrary is the opinion and practiſe of many, who hold parents conſent at the moſt but a matter of conueniencie: that it is good, if children will, to hauehave their parents conſent: if they hauehave it not, the matter is not great: their contracts or other things which they doe, are as firme, and good, without, as with their conſents. If this were ſo, wherein is the authoritie of a parent more then of a wiſe experienced friend? It is meet, and good to hauehave ſuch an ones conſent.
But that the power of parents, and dutie of children in this point, may the better be ſeene, I will exemplifie it in fiue particular caſes. 1. Entring into a calling. 2. Making mariage. 3. Diſpoſing of goods. 4. Ordering apparell. 5. Making vowes.
§. 13. Of conſent of parents for childrens entring into a calling.
I. That children ought to hauehave the conſent of their parents in making choiſe of their calling, and not place themſelues as they pleaſe, is euident by the approued practiſe of the Saints recorded in Gods word. aGen. 28. 2.Iaakob was ſent by his parents to Laban to be educated vnderunder him. b1 Sam. 16. 11, 19.Dauid was appointed by his father to keep ſheepe: when Saul was deſirous to hauehave Dauid attend vponupon him, he ſent to Iſhai, Dauids father, for him. In that c1 Sam. 17. 17.Iſhai was …o carefull to ſend prouiſion to his three eldeſt ſons that followed Saul to the warre, we may well thinke, that they went to the warre with his conſent. It is noted of dJer. 35. 7.Ionadab, that he appointed his …onnes to dwell in tents, and that accordingly they did ſo, and are …ommended and rewarded for this their obedience. It is collected …oth by eIuſtin. Mart. in Dial. cum Tryph. contr. Iud.ancient and fEraſm. paraphr. in Mar. 6. Bez annot. in Mar. 6.later Diuines, that our Lord Ieſus Chriſt Baſil. lib. de vit. ſolit. cap. 15. Theod. Eccl. hiſt. l. 3. 6. 23.… his younger yeeres, before he began to exerciſe his publike miniſterie, occupied himſelfe in his fathers trade: and that this was …e thing wherein he manifeſted his ſubiection to his parents. This collection is made by comparing Luk. 2. 51. (where his ſub…ction is noted) with Mar. 6. 3. and Mat. 13. 55. where he is cal…d Muſcul. in Mat. 13. Danaeus ſchol. in Mar. 6. Gualt. hom. 46. in Mar. Mutheſ. in Mar. 6. alij que . Reaſons.the Carpenter, and the Carpenters ſonne.
Equitie requireth that parents ſhould hauehave an hand in placing …th their children, becauſe they brought them forth into the …orld, and brought them vp with much care, paines, and charge, …hile they were young, and till they were fit for a calling.
Beſides, Godhath laid it as a charge vponupon parents, that they …ould ſee their children well trained vp: great reaſon therefore 1. Equitie.at parents conſent be had in ſetting forth children to a calling.2. Gods charge. Bellarm. de Mon. lib. 2. cap.