Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 4 · Section 35 – Section 37
§. 35. Of *Treat. 3. §. 47 An husbands reproofe muſt be ſweetned with mildnes.well ordering reproofe in the matter thereof.
That an husband may euidently demonſtrate that his reprouing of his wife is indeed a fruit of his louelove, he muſt hauehave an eſpeciall care to ſweeten it, eſpecially with mildneſſe: for it is the bittereſt pill that by an husband can be giuen to a wife. It is a verball correction, & in that reſpect a middle meanes (as I may ſo ſpeake) betwixt admonition and correction; partaking ſomewhat of both: it goeth no further then words, and ſo is an admonition: the words of a reproofe are ſharpe, and ſo it is a correction: though it be but a milde correction, yet it is a ſharpe admonition; and all the correction which by himſelfe an husband can giuegive his wife: for we ſhall *§. 44.after ſhew that he may not proceed to blowes, and ſtrokes.
To ſweeten reproofe with mildneſſe reſpect muſt be had (as before was noted of commanding) both to the matter, and alſo to the manner thereof.
| The matter of reproofe muſt be Matter of reproofe. 1. Iuſt. | 1. Iuſt. |
| 2. Weightie. |
Iuſtice requireth that it be a truth, and a knowne truth, euen a thing whereof he is aſſured, for which he reproueth his wife. Chriſt in giuing direction for reprouing aright, layeth downe this as a ground, If thy brother ſhall treſpaſſe, &c. a treſpaſſe Matth. 18. 15.therefore muſt goe before reproofe: where no treſpaſſe is, there reproofe is vniuſt.
Againe, the Apoſtle aduiſeth that an accuſation ſhould not 1 Tim 5. 19.be receiued but vnderunder two, or three witneſſes; whereby he implieth that a light report muſt not be receiued, but where blame is laid, there muſt be two or three witneſſes to confirme it, ſo as he that cenſureth may hauehave good and ſure ground for that which he doth: indeed that aduiſe was in particular giuen about an elder, but from the leſſe to the greater it will follow to be a good aduiſe concerning wiues: for no kinde of perſon muſt be more warie in laying blame vponupon another and reproouing for the ſame, then an husband on his wife.
Equitie further requireth that the matter for which an huſband 2. Weigh. y.reproueth his wife be weightie; namely for ſome fault that is dangerous to her ſoule, hurtfull to their eſtate, contagious by reaſon of ill example to children, and others in the family, but moſt of all for ſinne againſt God which prouoketh his wrath, and pulleth downe his heauie curſe vponupon him, her, and the whole family.
When that for which a wife is reproued is a truth, a knowne truth, and a weightie truth, the husband in performing this dutie iuſtifieth his deed, ſheweth that there was need thereof, and ſo giueth euidence of his louelove, maketh his reproofe to pierce the more deeply, and ſo maketh her the more aſhamed of her fault; whence it will follow, that either ſhe will amend her fault or at leaſt will hauehave her mouth ſtopped, ſo as ſhe ſhall hauehave nothing to except againſt it. The reproofe of the three Saints before mentioned, mGen. 30. 2.Iaakob, nIob 2. 10.Iob, and o2 Sam. 6. 21, 22.Dauid, were anſwerable to theſe points of Iuſtice and wiſdome: and the effects thereof anſwerable to thoſe which we hauehave noted in this reaſon, as the ſilence of the three wiues implieth: for none of them replied againe.
§. 36. Of vndue reproofe.
Contrary to the forenamed Iuſtice and equitie are ouerlight Contrary, 1. Credulitie.credulitie and vndue ſuſpicion. Credulitie is when credence is giuen to eueryevery light report, and thereupon blame laid vponupon the wife before any iuſt proofe be made of that for which ſhe is blamed: whereby it oft commeth to paſſe, that ſhe is wrongfully and vniuſtly blamed: which if ſhe be, what good fruit can proceed from ſuch reproofes? yea what euill fruits are not like to proceed from thence, as ſecret diſcontent (if not malice and hatred) and open contentions and brawlings?
The like may be ſaid of light and cauſeleſſe ſuſpicion, which 2. Suſpicion.is the mother of iealouſie, and the very bane of mariage, from whence the deuill taketh great aduantage againſt them both, ſeeking thereby to vnlooſe that knot which God hath ſo firmly knit betwixt them. Suſpicion to the minde is as a coloured glaſſe to the eie, which repreſenteth things to the ſight not as indeed they are in their owne true colour, but as the colour of the glaſſe is. Suſpicion will make a man peruert eueryevery thing that his wife doth, and blame her many times for ſuch things as are praiſe-worthy: in which caſe what can be thought, but that an husband ſeeketh aduantage againſt his wife, rather then any good vntounto her?
If to thoſe two forenamed vices (credulity and ſuſpicion) he 3. Raſhneſſe.…dde raſhneſſe and haſtineſſe in reprouing, and make eueryevery …mall and light matter which any way he diſliketh, matter of reproofe, doth he not proclaime to all that ſhall know it, that he loues chiding more then he loues his wife? Yea is not this the ready way to make all his reproofe (if not ſcorned) lightly regarded? What then will be the profit of them?
§. 37. Whether an husband may reprooue his wife for ſuch things as he is guilty of.
To the matter of reproofe ſome adde, that an husband ought not to reproue his wife for that fault whereof he himſelfe is guiltie: but I make doubt of this direction. I denie not but that he ought to hauehave an eſpeciall care that he be not guiltie of that crime for which he blameth his wife; otherwiſe, 1. he blunteth the edge of his reproofe, ſo as readily it cannot peirce into her heart. 2. He cauſeth it to rebound backe againe vponupon himſelfe with theſe reproches, Phyſitian healethy Luk 4. 23. Mat. 7. 5. Rom. 2. 21. Rom. 2. 1.ſelfe: Hypocrite firſt caſt the beame out of thine owne eye. Thou that teacheſt another teacheſt thou not thy ſelfe? 3. He is an heauy witneſſe againſt himſelfe; for in that he iudgeth another he condemneth himſelfe. But thereupon to infer, that becauſe he is guiltie of ſuch vices as are in his wife, he ought not to reproue her though ſhe be worthy to be reproued, is ſcarſe ſound and good diuinitie: for thus he maketh himſelfe guilty of a double fault, one of committing the ſinne himſelfe, the other of ſuffering his wife to lie therein: whereas if he reproued his wife, he might thereby reclaime both her and himſelfe: for I doubt not but his reprouing of his wife would ſtrike deeper into his owne conſcience then if a third ſhould reproue them both. How were Iudah and Dauid ſtroken to Gen. 38. 26. 2 Sam. 12. 13.the heart after they had giuen ſentence againſt ſuch crimes as they themſelues were guiltie of? It is a good aduice that no man be guiltie of that which he reproueth in his wife, but it is no good rule to ſay, no man ought to reproue his wife of that whereof he is guiltie.