Of Domestical Duties — William Gouge

Of Domestical Duties · William Gouge

The ſecond Treatiſe. PART. II. Of common-mutuall duties betwixt Man and Wife.

§. 1. Of the heads of thoſe common-mutuall duties.

IN the firſt part of this Treatiſe concerning Man and Wife, hath beene declared, who are ſo to be accounted: in this ſecond part their common-mutuall duties are to be laid forth. Theſe are either xDe neceſſitate ad eſſe.abſolutely neceſſary for the being and abiding of mariage: or yDe honeſtate ad benè eſſe.needfull and requiſite for the well being and well abiding of it, that is, for the good eſtate of mariage, and for a commendable, and comfortable liuing together.

There are two kindes of the former,	1. Matrimoniall Vnity.
2. Matrimoniall Chaſtity.

The latter alſo may be drawne to two heads: for they are either ſuch as the maried couple are mutually to performe each to other: or ſuch as both of them are ioyntly to performe to others.

Thoſe mutuall duties are	1. A louing affection of one to another.
2. A prouident care of one for another.

VnderUnder that prouident care I compriſe both the Meanes whereby it may be the better effected (which is Cohabitation) and the Matter wherein it conſiſteth:

And this reſpecteth,	1. The Soule,	3. The Good-name	of each other.
2. The Body,	4. The Goods

The ioynt duties which are to be performed to others,

reſpect	1. Thoſe who are in the houſe.
2. Thoſe who are out of the houſe.

They who are in the houſe are	1. Members of the familie.
2. Gueſts which come to the familie.

Many more particulars are compriſed vnderunder theſe generall heads, which I purpoſe diſtinctly to deliuer, as I come to them in their ſeuerall proper places.

§. 2. Of Matrimoniall vnitie.

The firſt, higheſt, chiefeſt, and moſt abſolutely neceſſarie common-mutuall dutie betwixt Man and Wife, is Matrimoniall Vnitie, whereby husband and wife doe account one another to be one fleſh, and accordingly preſerue the inuiolable vnion whereby they are knit together. This is that dutie which the Apoſtle inioyneth to husbands and wiues, in theſe words, Let 1 Cor. 7. 10, 11.not the wife depart from her husband: Let not the husband put away his wife. He there ſpeaketh of renouncing each other, and making the matrimoniall bond fruſtrate, and of no effect: which bond he would hauehave to be kept firme and inuiolable, and they two who are thereby made one, conſtantly to remaine one, and not to make themſelues two againe. This matrimoniall vnitie is ſo neceſſarie, as it may not be diſ-united or diſſolued though one be a Chriſtian, the other a Pagan. If any brother 1 Cor. 7. 12, 13.(ſaith the Apoſtle) hath a wife that beleeueth not, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that beleeueth not, let her not leaue him.

The reaſons of this inuiolable vnion are eſpecially two: One taken from the Author of mariage: the other from the Nature thereof.

1. The Author of mariage is God. It is his ordinance: and Gen. 2. 18, 22, 24he it is that by his ordinance hath made of two, one fleſh. Now marke the conſequence which Chriſt as a ruled caſe, and vndeniable principle inferreth thereon, What God hath ioyned together Mat 19. 6.let no man put aſunder: If no man, then nor wife, nor huſband himſelfe.

2. Such is the Nature of the matrimoniall bond as it maketh of two one, and *See Treat. 1 §. 79, 80.more firmely bindeth them two together, then any other bond can binde any other two together, how then ſhould they be two againe?

§. 3. Of Deſertion.

The vice contrary to matrimoniall vnitie is Deſertion, when one of the maried couple through indignation of the true religion, and vtter deteſtation thereof, or ſome other like cauſe, ſhall apparently renounce all matrimoniall vnitie, and withdraw him or her ſelfe from all ſocietie with the other, and liue among Infidels, Idolaters, heretiques, or other ſuch perſecutors, as a faithfull Chriſtian with ſafetie of life, or a good conſcience, cannot abide among; and though all good meanes that can be thought of be vſed to reclaime the partie ſo departed, yet nothing will preuaile, but obſtinatly perſiſteth in renouncing all matrimoniall fellowſhip.

This Deſertion is in the caſe of mariage ſo capitall, as it Infidelis diſcedens in matrimonium peccare dignoſcitur: ita que non eſt ei fides ſeruanda coniugij. Ambr. in 1 Cor. 7.freeth the innocent partie from any further ſeeking after the other. In which reſpect the Apoſtle ſaith, If the vnbeleeuing depart, let him depart. A brother or a ſiſter is not vnderunder bondage in ſuch caſes, 1 Cor. 7. 15. By bondage he meaneth matrimoniall ſubiection (by reaſon whereof neither of the maried perſons hauehave power of their owne body, but one of the others.) Now they that are not vnderunder this bondage, are not bound to ſeeke after it. That Deſertion therefore on the delinquents foreign. Phot. in 1 Cor. 7. Luth. de matrim. Calu. epiſt. 227. Beza in lib. de Diuort.part is ſuch diſſolution of mariage, as freeth the innocent partie from the bondage thereof. In many reformed Churches beyond the ſeas Deſertion is accounted ſo farre to diſſolue the very bond of mariage, as libertie is giuen to the partie forſaken to marie another: and it is alſo applied to other caſes then that which is aboue mentioned: as when an P. Martyr in 1 Cor. 7. 13. Melanct. in loc. de Coniug.Infidell, Idolater, or Heretique ſhall depart from one of the true religion for other cauſes then hatred of religion: or when both man and wife hauing liued as Idolaters among Idolaters, Zanchius de Oper. Dei lib. 4. cap. 1.one of them being conuerted to the true faith, leaueth his abode among Idolaters, and goeth to the profeſſors of the true faith, but can by no meanes get the other partie to remoue: or when one of the true religion ſhall depart from another of the ſame profeſſion, and will by no meanes be brought to liue with the partie ſo left, but openly manifeſteth peremptorie obſtinacie; the matter being heard and adiudged by the Magiſtrate, the mariage bond may be broken, and libertie giuen to the partie forſaken to mary another. But becauſe our Church hath no ſuch cuſtome, nor our law determined ſuch caſes, I leaue them to the cuſtome of other Churches.

§. 4. Of matrimoniall Chaſtitie.

The ſecond neceſſarie common-mutuall mariage-dutie is Matrimoniall chaſtitie. Chaſtitie in a large extent is taken for all manner of puritie in ſoule or body: in which reſpect the Apoſtle calleth the Church of God a chaſte virgin. But in the 1 Cor. 11. 2.ſenſe wherein we here vſe it, it eſpecially appertaineth to the body: which is that vertue whereby we poſſeſſe our veſſels (to 1 Theſſ. 4. 4.vſe the Apoſtles phraſe) in holineſſe and honour: or more plainly to our purpoſe, whereby we keepe our bodies vndefiled.

Chaſtitie thus reſtrained to the body is of	Single life.
Wedlocke.

That of ſingle life is oppoſed to fornication: and it is either of ſuch as neuer were maried. Such an one was S. Paul, in which reſpect he wiſheth that all were as he, 1 Cor. 7. 7. Or of ſuch as are lawfully freed from the bond of mariage. Such an one the Apoſtle calleth *foreign. 1 Tim. 5. 5. Paphnutius congreſſum cum legitima vxore caſtitatem eſſe dicebat. Socr. hiſt. Eccl. l. 1. cap. 11.a widow indeed. Chaſtitie of wedlocke is that vertue whereby parties maried, obſeruing the lawfull and honeſt vſe of mariage, keepe their bodies from being defiled with ſtrange fleſh: thus the Apoſtle commandeth wiues to be chaſte, Tit. 2. 5. So as aQui leges coniugij ſeruat homini continenti par ſit. Greg. Naz. Cygn. Carm.they that keepe the lawes of wedlocke are as chaſte as they that containe.

Here by the way note the dotage of our aduerſaries, who thinke there is no chaſtitie, but of ſingle perſons: whereupon in their ſpeeches and writings bClerici caſtitatem profeſſi matrimonium contrahere non poſſunt. Concil. Trid. § 24. Can 9.they oppoſe chaſtitie and matrimonie one to another, as two contraries.

Some of their holy Fathers and Popes, and thoſe not the leaſt learned, nor of worſt note among them, hauehave inferred by their arguments againſt Prieſts mariage, that Mariage is a liuing in the fleſh, a ſowing to the fleſh, a pollution of the fleſh. To that Siricius & Innocentius 3. Gratian. Decr. diſtinct. 31. 82. 1 Cor. 7. 5.purpoſe S. Pauls aduice to man and wife to abſtaine, that they may giuegive themſelues to faſting and prayer, is vrged: but directly contrarie to the intent of the Apoſtle. For,

1. He ſpeaketh there of extraordinarie humiliation. 2. He interpoſeth this limitation, for a time. 3. He ſaith not ſimply, that ye may pray, but that ye may giuegive your ſelues. (or hauehave *foreign. Non dixit ſimpliciter vt oretis, ſed vt vacetis orationi: ac ſirem impediat, non coinquinet. Chryſ in 1 Cor. 7. hom. 19.leaſure) to prayer: as if it did only hinder, but not pollute prayer.

But how can the forenamed ſpots and blots of mariage ſtand with that beautie and glorie wherewith the Apoſtle ſetteth it forth in theſe words, Mariage is honourable in all, H…b. 13. 4. If mariage were as Papiſts ſet it forth to be, the mariagebed were verie vnfitly called a bed vndefiled.

Behold how contrarie the ſpirits of S. Paul and of their Popes were. I wot well farre more contrarie then chaſtitie and matrimonie.

But to returne to our matter, cleare it is, that maried perſons may be chaſte, and accordingly they ought to be chaſte. To which purpoſe the Apoſtle counſelling men and women, for auoiding fornication, to hauehave wiues and husbands, inſerteth this particle OWNE (Let euerie man hauehave his OWNE wife, 1 Cor. 7. 2. foreign.and euerie woman hauehave her OWNE husband) whereby he implieth, that they ſhould not hauehave to doe with any other. That which *Prou. 5. 19. See more of this text in Treat. 4. §. 11.Salomon expreſſeth of an husband, by the rule of relation muſt be applied to a wife. As the man muſt be ſatisfied at all times in his wife, and euen rauiſht with her louelove; ſo muſt the woman be ſatisfied at all times in her husband, and euen rauiſht with his louelove. By the like rule the precept giuen to wiues, to be chaſte, muſt husbands take as directed to themſelues Tit. 2. 5.alſo, and be chaſte. This dutie did Iſaak and Rebekah faithfully and mutually performe each to other.

1. It was one maine end, why mariage (eſpecially ſince the Reaſons for mariage-chaſtitie.fall of man) was ordained, to liue chaſtely. This the Apoſtle implieth, where he ſaith, to auoid fornication, let euerie man hauehave his owne wife, and let euerie woman hauehave her owne huſband. 1. Chaſtitie one end of mariage. 1 Cor. 7. 2. Ibid. verſ. 9.And againe, If they cannot containe let them marrie.

2. By chaſtitie is a godly ſeed preſerued on earth. By this reaſon doth the Prophet Malachie inforce this dutie. For after he had ſaid, that the Lord made one, meaning of two one fleſh 2. By chaſtitie a godly ſeed preſerued. Mal. 2. 16.by mariage, he inferreth this exhortation, Therefore take heed to your ſpirit, and let none deale vnfaithfully againſt the wife of his youth.

3. An eſpeciall part of the honour of mariage conſiſteth in 3. Chaſtitie the honour of mariage. Heb. 13. 4.chaſtitie: whereupon the Apoſtle hauing giuen this high commendation of mariage, that it is honourable in all, addeth this clauſe (and the bed vndefiled) to ſhew the reaſon of that honour. As if he had ſaid, Becauſe the mariage-bed is in it ſelfe a bed vndefiled, mariage is therefore in it ſelfe honourable, and doth ſo farre remaine honourable, as the bed remaineth vndefiled.

§. 5. Of Adulterie.

The vice contrarie to matrimoniall chaſtitie is Adulterie, one of the moſt capitall vices in that eſtate: a vice whereby way is made for Diuorce: as is cleare and euident by the determination of Chriſt himſelfe, concerning that point, firſt aMatth. 5. 32.propounded in his ſermon on the mount, and againe bMatth. 19. 9. Chriſtus ab adultera vero ſeparari permittit. Greg. Naz. Orat. 36. Vir poſt fornicationem non eſt vir, Chryſ. hom. 19. in 1 Cor. 7.repeated in his conference with the Phariſies, where condemning vniuſt diuorces, he excepteth the diuorce made for adulterie.

And great reaſon there is thereof. For c1 Cor. 6. 16.the adulterer maketh himſelfe one fleſh with his harlot. Why then ſhould he remaine to be one fleſh with his wife? Two (ſaith the Law) ſhall be one fleſh: not three. The like may be ſaid of a wife committing adulterie.

§. 6. Of pardoning adulterie vponupon repentance.

Queſt. Seeing by adulterie iuſt cauſe of diuorce is giuen, may this fault vponupon the repentance of the delinquent perſon be ſo forgiuen, as no diuorce be ſought by the innocent perſon, but both continue to liue together in wedlocke as before?

Anſw. Though it be not meet in this caſe, to impoſe it as an inuiolable law vponupon the innocent partie, to retaine the delinquent, becauſe of repentance (for we hauehave direct and ſtrict warrant for it) yet I doubt not but they may ſo doe, if they will, and that without iuſt exception to the contrarie, they ought ſo to doe. For the law of diuorce did not neceſſarily enioyne any to ſue out the bill, but only afforded them libertie to vſe that puniſhment if they ſaw cauſe. I doubt not but for warrant of this libertie, we may take Gods patterne, in retaining Churches and people after they hauehave committed ſpirituall adulterie: and Chriſts forgiuing the woman that had committed adulterie. For, dPoſtquam Chriſtus ait adulterae, nec ego te damnabo: vade, deinceps noli peccare, quis non intelligat, debere maritum ignoſcere quod videt ignouiſſe Dominum ambor um: nec iam ſe debere adulteram dicere cuius poenitentis crimen diuina credit miſeratione deletam? Aug. de adult. Coniug. lib. 2. cap. 6.Seeing Chriſt ſaid to an adult ereſſe, I condemne thee not, goe and ſinne no more, who cannot conceiue that an husband ought to forgiue that which he ſeeth the Lord both of husband and wife hath forgiuen: and that he ought not to account her an adultereſſe, whoſe fault he beleeueth to be blotted out, by the merciemercy of God, vponupon her repentance?

§. 7. Of the difference of adultery in a man, and in a wife.

Queſt. Is the bond of mariage as much violated on the Adultery as great a ſinne in a man as in his wife. Lex Jul. de Adult. l. 1. Orif. Codic. in l. Illuſt. Greg. Sayr. Clau. reg. l. 9. c. 16.mans part when he committeth adulterie as on the womans when ſhe doth ſo?

Anſw. Though the ancient Romans and Canoniſts hauehave aggrauated the womans fault in this kinde farre aboue the mans, and giuen the man more priuiledges then the woman, yet I ſee not how that difference in the ſinne can ſtand with the tenour of Gods word. I denie not but that more inconueniences may follow vponupon the womans default then vponupon the mans: as, greater infamy before men, worſe diſturbance More inconueniences of a womans adultery, then a mans.of the family, more miſtaking of legitimate, or illegitimate children, with the like. The man cannot ſo well know which be his owne children, as the woman; he may take baſe children to be his owne, and ſo caſt the inheritance vponupon them; and ſuſpect his owne to be baſely borne, and ſo depriue them of their patrimony. But the woman is freed from all ſuch miſtakings. Yet in regard of the breach of wedlocke, and tranſgreſſion againſt God, the ſinne of either partie is alike. Gods word maketh no diſparity betwixt them. At the beginning God ſaid of them both, aMat. 19. 5.they two ſhall be one fleſh: not the woman only with the man, but the man alſo with the woman is made one fleſh. b1 Cor. 7. 3, 4.Their power alſo ouer one another in this reſpect is alike. If on iuſt occaſion they abſtaine, cVerſ. 5.it muſt be with mutuall conſent. If the husband leaue his wife, dVerſ. 15.ſhe is as free, as he ſhould be, if ſhe left him. Accordingly the puniſhment Tanto grauius viros puniri oportet, quanto magis ad eos pertinet & virtute vincere, & exemplo regere ſoeminas. Aug. de adult. Coning. l. 2. c. 8.which by Gods law was to be inflicted on Adulterers is the ſame, whether the man or the woman be the delinquent, (Deut. 22. 22.) If difference be made, it is meet that adulterous husbands be ſo much the more ſeuerely puniſhed, by how much the more it appertaineth to them to excell in vertue, and to gouerne their wiues by example.

§. 8. Of the hainouſneſſe of Adulterie.

But to returne to the diſcouery of the hainouſneſſe of Adulterie, I finde no ſinne thorowout the whole Scripture ſo notoriouſly in the ſeuerall colours thereof ſet forth, as it is. For beſides that it is a7. Commandement.by name forbidden in the Decalogue, it is further expreſly branded to be committed,

1. Againſt each perſon in the holy Trinitie: the Father (whoſe bProu. 2. 17.couenant is broken) the Sonne (whoſe c1 Cor. 6. 16.members are made the members of an harlot) and the Holy Ghoſt (whoſe d1 Cor. 6. 19.Temple is polluted.)

2. Againſt ones neighbour, as eGen. 34. 31.the partie with whom the ſinne is committed (for this ſinne cannot be committed ſingly by one alone) the husband and wife of each partie fProu. 6. 35.who cannot reſt contented with any ſatisfaction) the gGen. 21. 10. Iudg. 11. 2. Deut. 23. 2.children borne in adulterie (whom they brand with an indelible character of infamie, and depriue of many priuiledges that otherwiſe they might enioy) the hLeuit. 21. 9. Gen. 34. 7. 2 Sam. 13. 22.alliance and friends of each partie (to whom the griefe and diſgrace of this foule ſinne reacheth) the whole family appertaining to either of them (for iIob 31. 12. 2 Sam. 12. 10.this is as a fire in an houſe) the towne, citie, and nation where ſuch vncleane birds rooſt (for kGen. 34. 27. Iudg. 20. 10. Hoſ. 4. 3.all they lie open to the vengeance of God for this ſinne) and the very Church of God (the lMal. 2. 15.holy ſeed whereof is by this ſinne hindred)

3. Againſt the parties themſelues that commit this ſinne, and that againſt their mProu. 6. 32.ſoules, n1 Cor. 6. 18.bodies, oProu. 6. 33.name, pProu. 6. 26.goods, and all that appertaineth to them.

As this ſinne is in it ſelfe a ſinfull ſinne, ſo by the bitter and The bitter fruits of Adulterie.curſed fruits which proceed from it, it is made out of meaſure ſinfull. For

1. By it husbands and wiues affection (which of all other ought to be the moſt inuiolable) is ſo alienated, as ſeldome it is reconciled againe.

2. By it the goods of the family are much waſted: the adulterous husband ſpending that wherewith he ſhould prouide for his family, on his harlot: and the adulterous wife purloining what ſhe can from her husband.

3. By it husbands and wiues are ſtirred vp to wiſh, and long after one anothers death: and not only inwardly in heart to wiſh it, but outwardly alſo in deed to practiſe it.

4. If from this ſinne there ariſe not a gauling and terrifying conſcience (as oft there doth) then (which is worſe) a ſeared conſcience, an hard heart, a reprobate ſenſe, and an impudent face.

Wherefore God accordingly deales with ſuch ſinners. In Gods iudgements againſt adulterie.his ſoule qProu. 22. 14.he hateth them: by his word he hath denounced many fearefull iudgements againſt them, both in rHoſ. 4. 2, 3.this world, and in ſReu. 21. 8.the world to come (againſt no ſinne more.) This ſin is reckoned to be one of the moſt principall cauſes of the greateſt iudgements that euer were inflicted in the world: as of the tGen. 6. 2, &c.generall deluge: of that uEzek. 16. 50.fire and brimſtone which deſtroied Sodome and Gomorrah: of *Leuit. 18. 28.Canaans ſpuing out her Inhabitants: of that xNum. 25. 9.plague which deſtroied in one day 24000: and of the yIer. 5. 7, 8, 9.Iſraelites captiuitie, with the like: By all which we ſee that fearefull doome verified, zHeb. 13. 4.Whoremongers, and adulterers God will iudge. Now conſider what *Heb. 10. 31.a fearefull thing it is to fall into the hands of the liuing God.

§. 9. Of remedies againſt Adulterie, and in particular of due beneuolence, and of defect or exceſſe therein.

For preuenting this hainous ſinne (to omit many other remedies which Gods word hath preſcribed, as aPro. 6. 25.a diligent keeping of the heart (that luſtfull thoughts proceed not from thence) of the bIob 31. 1.eies (that they wander not on the beautie or properneſſe of any ones perſon, or on laſciuious pictures, or any other like allurements) of the cPro. 7. 21.eares (that they hearken not to any inticements of others) of the dEpheſ. 5. 4.tongue (that it vtter no vnchaſte and corrupt communication) of the ePro. 7. 13.lips (that they delight not in wanton kiſſes) of the fPro. 6. 29.hands (that they vſe no wanton daliance) of the gPro. 7. 25.feet (that they carry thee not too neere to the place where adulterie may be committed) of thy hEpheſ. 5. 7.company (that thou be not defiled with others wantonneſſe and vncleanneſſe) of thy iGen. 19. 33.diet (that it be not immoderate) of thine kEzek. 23. 6, 15, 40.apparell (that it be not gariſh and laſciuious) of thy lGen. 39. 9. Pro. 2. 16.time (that it be not vainly and idly ſpent) to omit, I ſay, theſe and other like remedies.) One of the beſt remedies that can be preſcribed to maried perſons (next to an lGen. 39. 9. Pro. 2. 16.awfull feare of God, and a continuall ſetting of him before them, whereſoeuer they are) is, that husband and wife mutually delight each in other, and maintaine a pure and feruent louelove betwixt themſelues, yeelding that m1 Cor. 7. 2, 3, 5, 9.due beneuolence one to another which is warranted & ſanctified by Gods word, and ordained of God for this particular end. This due beneuolence (as the Apoſtle ſtileth it) is one of the moſt proper and eſſentiall acts of mariage: and neceſſary for the maine and principall ends thereof: as for preſeruation of chaſtitie in ſuch as hauehave not the gift of continency, for increaſing the world with a legitimate brood, and for linking the affections of the maried couple more firmely together. Theſe ends of mariage, at leaſt the two former, are made void without this duty be performed.

As it is called *foreign.beneuolence becauſe it muſt be performed with good will and delight, willingly, readily and cheerefully; ſo it is ſaid to be *foreign.due becauſe it is a debt which the wife oweth to her husband, and he to her. n1 Cor. 7. 4.For the wife hath not the power of her owne body, but the husband; and likewiſe alſo the husband hath not the power of his owne body, but the wife.

I hauehave my warrant from the Apoſtle to preſcribe this dutie as a remedie againſt adulterie. For o1 Cor. 7. 2, 3.to auoid fornication, he aduiſeth man and wife to render due beneuolence one to another. If then this queſtion be moued (How will mariage keep men and women from adulterie?) this anſwer out of the Apoſtles words may be giuen (by rendring due beneuolence:) which he further inculcateth by declaring the miſchiefe that may follow vponupon the neglect of this dutie, namely pVerſ. 5.a caſting of themſelues into the ſnares of Satan. Well might he preſſe this dutie to that end, becauſe no other meanes is of like force: nor faſting, nor watching, nor hard lodging, nor long trauell, nor much labour, nor cold, nor ſolitarineſſe, nor any thing elſe. *Dum ſolitudinis me deſerta vallarent, ardorem naturae ferre non poteram: quem cùm crebris ieiunijs frangerem, mens cogitationibus aeſtuabat. Hier. ad Ruſt. Mon. Lege eundem ad Euſtoc. de cuſtod. virgin.Some that hauehave by theſe meanes endeuoured much to beat downe their bodies, and ſubdue luſt (but neglected the forenamed remedie) hauehave notwithſtanding felt luſt boiling in them.

There are two extremes contrarie to this dutie. One in the defect: another in the exceſſe.

Defect therein is, when in caſe of need it is not required, or being required by the one, it is not yeelded by the other. Modeſtie is pretended by ſome for not requiring it: but in a duty ſo warrantable and needfull, pretence of modeſty is (to ſpeake the leaſt) a ſigne of great infirmitie, and a cauſe of much iniquitie. To denie this dutie being iuſtly required, is to denie a due debt, and to giuegive Satan great aduantage. The puniſhment inflicted on Onan, (Gen. 38. 9, 10.) ſheweth how great a wrong this is. From that puniſhment *Hebraei inquiunt perinde vt homicidam reum eſſe qui temerè ſemen profundit. Merc. in Gen. 38. 9.the Hebrews gather that this ſinne is a kinde of murther. It is ſo much the more hainous when hatred, ſtoutneſſe, niceneſſe, feare of hauing too many children, or any other like reſpects, are the cauſe thereof.

Exceſſe is either in the meaſure, or in the time. In the meaſure, when husband or wife is inſatiable; prouoking, rather then aſſwaging luſt, and weakning their naturall vigor more then ſuppreſſing their vnnaturall humor. Many husbands and wiues are much oppreſſed by their bedfellowes vnſatiableneſſe in this kinde.

In the time, when it is againſt Pietie, Mercy, or Modeſtie.

1. Againſt Pietie, when no day, nor dutie of Religion, no not extraordinarie daies, and duties of humiliation, will make them forbeare. qIo…l 2. 6.The Prophets bidding the bridegroome and …ride goe out of their chamber in the day of a Faſt, and r1 Cor. 7. 5.the Apoſtles excepting of Praier and faſting, where he enioineth this dutie of due beneuolence, ſhew that in the time of a Faſt it muſt …e forborne.

2. Againſt Mercy, when one of the married couple being weake by ſickneſſe, paine, labour, trauell, or any other like …eanes, and through that weakneſſe not well able to performe his dutie, the other notwithſtanding will hauehave it performed. … will hauehave mercy, and not ſacrifice, ſaith the Lord. Shall Gods ſacrifice giuegive place to mercy, and ſhall not mans or womans …? for ſo I may well terme this vnſeaſonable deſire.

Queſt. What if an husband or wife continue ſo long ſicke, … otherwiſe weake, as the other cannot containe?

Anſw. In ſuch caſes of neceſſitie the body muſt be beaten …wne, and earneſt praier made for the gift of continency: for …redly the Lord who hath brought thee to that neceſſitie, all giuegive thee grace ſufficient.

3. Againſt Modeſty, ſQuo tempore ſi vir coierit cū muliere, dicuntur concepti foetus vitium ſeminis tral ere: ita vt leproſi & elephantiaci ex hac conceptione naſcantur. Hier. in Lam. 1.when husbands require this duty in that me, which vnderunder the Law was called the time of a wiues ſeparation for her diſeaſe (Leu. 15. 19. &c.) For what can be expected …m ſuch polluted copulation, but a leprous and loathſome generation? This kinde of intemperancie is expreſly forbidden (Leuit. 18. 19.) and a capitall puniſhment inflicted on ſuch as offended therein (Leuit. 20. 18.) Abſtinence in this time is ſet in the catalogue of thoſe notes which declare a man to be righteous (Eccleſ. 20. 7.) and the contrary intemperancy is put in the roll of ſuch abominations as prouoked God to ſpue out the Canaanits (Leuit. 18. 28.) and to forſake his owne inheritance (Ezek. 22. 10.)

To this kinde of intemperancie *Aug. de bon. coniug. ca. 6. Amb. in 1 Cor. 7.ſome referre a mans knowing of his wife after ſhe hath conceiued with childe. But I finde no ſuch matter condemned in Gods word: neither dare I make that a ſinne which is not there condemned. tNemo Eſſenorum cū praegnante concumbit. Ioſeph. de bel. Iud. li. 2. c. 7.Certaine Sectaries among the Iewes are branded for this error.

1. Obiect. No other creature will ſo doe: ſo as it may ſeeme to be againſt nature.

Anſw. 1. I denie the argument: though ſome forbeare, yet all doe not.

2. I denie the conſequence: for other creatures are not ſo tied one male to one female, as an husband to his owne wife. *Quod in beſtijs ipſo naturae iure praeſcriptū eſt, vt praegnantes ad partum vſus que non coeant, hoc in hominibus ſciant arbitrio relictum. Hier. in Eph. 5. Sanchez de Matr. lib. 9. diſp. 21, 22. agit de petendo & reddendo debito quando menſtruum eſt: & tempore praegnationis, & dū infans lactatur.Beſides, that which beaſts by nature are tied vntounto, muſt be left to mans diſcretion.

2. Obiect. After a woman hath once conceiued, no more conceptions can be expected, till ſhe be deliuered.

Anſw. Conception is not the only end of this dutie: for it is to be rendred to ſuch as are barren.

Queſt. What if the wife giuegive ſucke to her childe, ought not her husband then to forbeare?

Anſw. Becauſe giuing ſucke is a mother dutie, man ought to doe what he can to containe.

§. 10. Of mutuall louelove betwixt man and wife.

Hitherto of thoſe common mutuall duties which tend to the preſeruation of the very being of mariage, and are in that reſpect abſolutely neceſſarie. The other common mutuall duties (though they be not of ſo abſolute neceſſitie as the former) are in their kinde neceſſary for the good eſtate of mariage, and for the better preſeruing of that knot: ſo as, if they be not performed, the end and right vſe of mariage will be peruerted, & that eſtate made vncomfortable, & very burdenſome. The firſt of theſe is LoueLove. A louing mutuall affection muſt paſſe betwixt husband and wife, or elſe no dutie will be well performed: this is the ground of all the reſt. In ſome reſpects LoueLove is proper and peculiar to an husband, as *Treat. 4. §. 2.I purpoſe to ſhew when I come to ſpeake of an husbands particular duties. But LoueLove is alſo required of wiues, and they are commanded to be louers of their husbands, as well as husbands to louelove their wiues: foreign. Tit. 2. 4. Col. 3. 19.ſo as it is a common mutuall dutie belonging to husband and wife too: and that is true wedlocke, when man and wife are linked together by the bond of louelove. VnderUnder louelove all other duties Hoc verum eſt coniugium, quando vinculo charitatis ſunt concatenati. Chryſ. hom. 45. in Gen.are compriſed: for without it no dutie can be well performed. aRom. 13. 10.LoueLove is the fulfilling of the Law, that is, the very life of all thoſe duties which the law requireth. It is the bCol. 3. 14.bond of perfection, which bindeth together all thoſe duties that paſſe betwixt partie and partie. Where louelove aboundeth, there all duties will readily and cheerefully be performed. Where louelove is wanting, there eueryevery duty will either be altogether neglected, or ſo careleſly performed, that as good not be performed at all: in which reſpect the Apoſtle willeth, that all things be done 1 Cor. 16. 14.in louelove. LoueLove as it prouoketh the partie in whom it ruleth to doe all the good it can; ſo it ſtirreth vp the partie loued to repay good for good. It is like fire, which is not only hot in it ſelfe, but alſo conueigheth heat into that which is neere it: whence ariſeth a reflection of heat from one to another. Note how admirably this is ſet forth betwixt Chriſt and his Spouſe in the Song of Salomon: and it is further manifeſted in the examples of all good husbands and wiues noted in the Scripture: they did mutually beare a very louing affection one to another.

Though louelove be a general duty which eueryevery one oweth to another, Matth. 5. 44.euen to his enemie, yet the neerer that God hath linked any together, the more are they bound to this dutie, and the more muſt they abound therein. But of all others are *Treat. 1. §. 79, 80.man and wife moſt neerely and firmly linked together. Of all others therefore are they moſt bound hereunto, & that in the higheſt degree that may be, euen like to Ionathans louelove, who loued Dauid 1 Sam. 18. 1. Prou. 18. 22.as his owne ſoule. Salomon ſaith, He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth fauour of the Lord: which by the rule of relation is alſo true of an husband, Shee that findeth an husband findeth a good thing, and obtaineth fauour of the Lord. Man and wife therefore are each to other an eſpeciall pledge of Gods fauour, and in this reſpect aboue all others vnderunder God to be loued. If this be the ground (as it ought to be) of their mutuall That which in Treat. 4. §. 2. 9. 11. is ſpoken of an husbands louelove and intire affection, may alſo be applied in ſome reſpects to a wife: and ſo ſerue to amplifie this common mutuall dutie of louelove.louelove, their louelove will be feruent and conſtant. Neither will the want, or withering of any outward allurements, as beautie, perſonage, parentage, friends, riches, honours, or the like, with-hold or with-draw, extinguiſh or extenuate their louelove: neither will any excellencies of nature or grace in other husbands and wiues draw their hearts from their owne to thoſe other: nor yet will the louelove of a former yoake-fellow dead and gone, any whit leſſen the louelove of the liuing mate.

This inſtance I hauehave the rather mentioned, becauſe in many, LoueLove of after venters to be as intire as of former.who are farre from ſetting their affection on ſtrange fleſh, their louelove of a former husband or wife departed is ſo faſt fixed in their heart, as they can neuer againe ſo intirely louelove any other. They who are ſo minded are not fit to be ioined with another yoke-fellow after they are looſed from one. If they mary againe, and manifeſt ſuch a minde, they plainly ſhew that they reſpect this or that perſon more then Gods ordinance. By Gods ordinance man and wife are no longer bound one to another then they liue together. Death is an abſolute diremption, and maketh an vtter diſſolution of the mariage bond. If the man Rom. 7. 2, 3.be dead, the wife is deliuered from the law of the man, ſo as ſhee may take another man. Which liberty is alſo giuen to the man. Being now free, if they mary another (that other being now a true husband or wife) their louelove muſt be as intire to that other as it was to the former: yea, and more intire, if there were any defect in the former. For as children maried out of their parents houſe muſt not retaine ſuch a louelove of their parents as ſhall ſwallow vp their louelove of the partie to whom they are maried, but muſt according to the law, leaue father and mother, and cleaue to their yoke-fellow: ſo neither muſt the louelove of a former husband or wife be predominant when they are maried to another. This other muſt be as cloſe cleaued vntounto, as if they had neuer beene ioined to a former. The liuing husband or wife is the preſent pledge of Gods fauour. He is now thine owne husband: and ſhe is now thine owne wife: and not the partie that is dead. I denie not but the memorie of a vertuous husband or wife ought to be pretious to the ſuruiuing partie: for the memoriall of the iust is bleſſed. Prou. 10. 7.But as the vertue of a perſon deceaſed may not be buried with the dead corps: ſo neither may the perſon be kept aboue ground with the memorie of his or her vertue: which after a ſort is done, when louelove of the partie deceaſed either taketh away, or extenuateth the louelove of the liuing. This is to giuegive dominion to the dead ouer the liuing: which is more then the law enioyneth.

§. 11. Of husbands and wiues mutuall hatred contrary to louelove.

There is a generation of ſo crabbed and crooked a diſpoſition * See Treat. 3. § 8. & Treat. 4. §. 10.as they cannot louelove, but rather hate one another becauſe they are man and wife: for many husbands hauing wiues, and wiues husbands eueryevery way worthy to be loued, will notwithſtanding ſay to the aſtoniſhment of the hearers, I hauehave indeed a good husband, or I hauehave a good wife: but I cannot louelove him, or I cannot louelove her: and being demanded a reaſon, ſticke not openly and impudently to reply, I thinke I could louelove him if he were not mine husband, or I thinke I could louelove her if ſhe were not my wife. O more then monſtrous impudencie! Is not this directly to oppoſe againſt Gods ordinance, and againſt that order which he hath ſet betwixt man and woman? Is it not to trample vnderunder foot Gods fauour? Though there were nothing elſe to moue louelove but this, that ſuch an one is thine huſband, or ſuch an one is thy wife, yet this ſhould be motiue enough. And ſhall this be the ground of thine hatred? Aſſuredly ſuch a ſpirit is a plaine diabolicall ſpirit, contrary to that ſpirit which is from aboue; and if it be not caſt out, it will caſt thoſe whom it poſſeſſeth into the fire of hell.

§. 12. Of mutuall peace betwixt Man and Wife.

Among other meanes of maintaining an inward louing affection betwixt man and wife, outward mutuall peace, concord, and agreement is one of the principall. Whereupon the Apoſtle exhorteth to keepe the vnitie of the ſpirit in the bond of Epheſ. 4. 3.peace: for peace is a bond that tieth one to another, and maketh them to be as one, euen one in ſpirit: as on the contrary ſide outward diſcord diſunites mens ſpirits. We are enioined to follow peace with all men: how much more of all perſons ought Heb. 12. 14.husbands to hauehave peace with their wiues, and wiues with their husbands? they are neerer then brothers and ſiſters. Behold then how good and pleaſant a thing it is for them to dwell together in vnity. *§. 14. Prou. 21. 9.Dwell together they muſt: but without peace there is no dwelling together: It is better to dwell in a corner of the houſe top then with a contentious woman in a wide houſe. Perſons at variance were farre better be out of ſight and place, then preſent together. Out of ſight and place man and wife muſt not be, at peace therefore Portus eſt mulier, & maximū ſecuritatis remedium. Si ventis & fluctibus portum liberaueris ex foro reuerſus tranquillè viues. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1 Cor. 11.they muſt be. Mutuall peace betwixt them is a great refreſhing to their mindes, being beaten with the diſcords of others. It is ſaid that a wife is in this reſpect as an hauen to man (how much more man to his wife?) If the hauen be calme, and free from ſtormes and tempeſts, what a refreſhing will it be to the Mariner that hath beene toſſed in the ſea with windes and waues?

For maintaining peace,

1. All offences ſo much as poſſibly may be muſt be auoided. Directions for maintaining peace betwixt Man and Wife.The husband muſt be watchfull ouer himſelfe that he giuegive no offence to his wife: and ſo the wife on the other ſide. Offences cauſe contentions.

2. When an offence is giuen by the one partie, it muſt 1. Auoid offence.not be taken by the other; but rather paſſed by: and then will not peace be broken. The ſecond blow makes 2. Take not offence.the fray.3. Offer reconciliation.

3. If both be incenſed together, the fire is like to be the greater: with the greater ſpeed therefore muſt they both labour to put it out. Wrath muſt not lie in bed with two ſuch Eph. 4. 26.bed-fellowes: neither may they part beds for wrath ſake. That this fire may be the ſooner quenched, they muſt both ſtriue firſt to offer reconciliation. Theirs is the glory who doe firſt begin, for they are moſt properly the bleſſed peacemakers. Not Mat. 5. 9.to accept peace when it is offered is more then heatheniſh: but when wrath is incenſed, to ſeeke atonement is the dutie of a Chriſtian, and a grace that commeth from aboue.

4. Children, ſeruants, nor any other in the family muſt be 4. Take no part with others.bolſtred vp by the one againſt the other. The mans partaking with any of the houſe againſt his wife, or the wiues againſt her husband, is an vſuall cauſe of contention betwixt man and wife.

5. They muſt forbeare to twit one another in the teeth 5. Make not compariſons.with the husbands or wiues of other perſons: or with their owne former husbands or wiues (in caſe they hauehave had any before.) Compariſons in this kinde are very odious. They ſtir vp much paſſion, and cauſe great contentions.

6. Aboue all they muſt take heed of raſh and vniuſt iealouſie, 6. Be not iealous.which is the bane of mariage, and greateſt cauſe of diſcontent that can be giuen betwixt man and wife. Iealous perſons are ready to picke quarrels, and to ſeeke occaſions of diſcord: they will take eueryevery word, looke, action, and motion, in the worſe part, and ſo take offence where none is giuen. When iealouſie is once kindled, it is as a flaming fire that can hardly be put out. It maketh the partie whom it poſſeſſeth implacable.Pro. 6. 34, 35.

7. In all things that may ſtand with a good conſcience they muſt endeuour to pleaſe one another: and either of 7. Pleaſe one another.them ſuffer their owne will to be croſſed, rather then diſcontent to be giuen to the other. Saint Paul noteth this as a common 1 Cor. 7. 33, 34.mutuall dutie belonging to them both, and expreſſeth their care thereof vnderunder a word that ſignifieth more then ordinarie foreign.care, and implieth a diuiding of the minde into diuers thoughts, caſting this way, and that way, and eueryevery way how to giuegive beſt content.

§. 13. Of contentions betwixt man and wife.

Contrary to mutuall peace are contentions betwixt man and wife: which are too frequent in moſt families, and by which Cùm vir & vxor domi diſſentiunt, nihilo melius naui iactata domus illa diſponitur, cùm gubernator aduerſus prorae directo. rem diſſentiat. Chryſ. loc. citat. Gen. 13. 8.the common good is much hindered. Diſcord betwixt man and wife in an houſe is as contention betwixt the maſter and pilot in a ſhip: may not great danger, and much miſchiefe be thence iuſtly feared? We heard before that man to his wife, and ſhe to him, is as an hauen. Now by experience we finde that if the hauen be tempeſtuous it is much more troubleſome, and dangerous to the Mariner then the wide ſea. Wherefore let man and wife be of the ſame minde one to another as Abraham was to Lot, and when occaſions of diſcord are offered, ſay, Let there be no ſtrife betwixt thee and me, for we are man and wife: no more two, but one fleſh.

§. 14. Of husbands and wiues dwelling together.

From a mutuall affection of louelove proceedeth a mutuall prouident care in husband and wife one for another. In handling whereof we will firſt note the meanes whereby their mutuall prouidence may be the better effected and manifeſted, and then the matter whereabout it muſt be conuerſant. The meanes in one word is cohabitation. For a dutie it is that man and wife dwell together. The phraſe vſed in ſetting out the womans creation (he built a woman, whereby the erecting of foreign Vide Muſc. in Gen. 2. 22. See Treat. 1. §. 79.a family is intimated) implieth as much: ſo doth the law of mariage whereby man is enioyned to leaue father and mother, and to cleaue vntounto his wife, that is, to goe out of his fathers houſe, and to dwell with his wife: and ſo doth this phraſe (forget Pſal. 45. 10.thy fathers houſe) taken from the dutie of a wife, and myſtically applied to the Church. Saint Peter expreſly chargeth huſbands 1 Pet. 3 7.to dwell with their wiues: and Saint Paul layeth it to 1 Cor. 7. 12, 13.the charge both of husbands and wiues not to leaue one another, but to dwell together, yea though the one be an infidell. Surely it was conſcience of this dutie which made the eIudg. 19. 3.Leuite to goe after his wife, that went away from him, to bring her home againe: and which made fGen. 31. 14.Iaakobs wiues to leaue their fathers houſe, and goe with their husband. *foreign coniux. foreign vxor.The word vnderunder which Saint Peter compriſeth this dutie is a title appropriated to an husband: and an anſwerable title is appropriated to a wife: from which the notation of our two vſuall Engliſh words (husband, houſewife) doth not much differ.

The power which the one hath of the others body, and Reaſons for cohabitation.the aduantage which by liuing aſunder, they giuegive vntounto Satan, (both of which are expreſly noted, 1 Cor. 7. 4, 5.) doe ſhew the neceſſity of this dutie: and the many benefits ariſing from thence doe further preſſe the equity of it. By husbands and Benefits of cohabitation.wiues dwelling together all mariage duties are better performed: mutuall louelove is better bred, preſerued, and increaſed: the good gifts of either of them are better obſerued by the other: better helpe and ſuccour is mutually by each afforded to the other: and in fine they are made more capable of doing good one to another, and of receiuing good one from another. Why then ſhould they hauehave any minde of liuing aſunder, vnleſſe they be forced by extraordinary occaſions, as captiuity, cloſe impriſonment, contagious ſickneſſe, and ſuch like, which are no faults of theirs, but croſſes to be borne with griefe; and inſtant praier, together with all other good meanes, to be vſed to bring them together againe? Yea if the impriſonment, baniſhment, or other like kinde of abſence, D. Fulke againſt Rhem. on 1 Cor. 7. §. 6.be ſuch as one may if they will come at the other, the partie that is free ought to come to the other, if at leaſt that other require it.

§. 15. Of the reſpects for which man and wife may for a time liue aſunder.

Queſt. May there be any iuſt cauſes for man and wife willingly to liue aſunder?

Anſw. There can nor ought to be any cauſe of vtter relinquiſhing one another, which is a kinde of *§. 3.deſertion: but for liuing aſunder for a time there may be iuſt cauſes, as

1. Weighty and vrgent affaires which concerne the good of the Church, or commonwealth: as when a man is ſent forth to warre, or on an ambaſſage (in which caſe though he may take his wife with him, yet is he not neceſſarily bound there to, eſpecially if the place whither he is ſent be farre off, the paſſage thereto difficult and dangerous, and his abode there not long.) When bNumb. 32. 26, 27.Reuben, Gad, and halfe the tribe of Manaſſch paſſed ouer Iorden to helpe their brethren in their battels againſt the Canaanites, they left their wiues behinde them in their families: c2 Sam. 11. 3, 6.when Vriah went to warre, he left his wife at home: and dExo. 18. 2.when Moſes was to bring Iſrael out of Egypt, his wife remained at her fathers houſe.

2. Maine duties of their particular calling: as of Mariners, who are oft to be on the ſea: Merchants who trade in other countries: Lawyers who attend publike places of iuſtice: Courtiers, who in their months, or quarters, attend their Prince: Keepers of women in child-bed, and ſicke perſons: and other nurſes.

Prouided alwaies that in theſe, and other like caſes, there be Abſence, 1. not without conſent. 1 Cor. 7. 5.a ioynt and mutuall conſent of both parties: for if man and wife may not defraud one another for a time to giuegive themſelues to faſting and praier without conſent: much leſſe may they for lighter occaſions liue any time aſunder without 2. Not with delight. Si vir ad peregrina contenderit, nulla longin. quitas, nulla abſentia complacitam minuat charitatem. Ambr. Hexaem. l. 5. c. 7.conſent. Prouided alſo that they take no delight to liue aſunder, but rather be grieued that they are forced ſo to doe: and in teſtimony thereof to take all occaſions that they can to manifeſt their longing deſire one after another by letters, meſſages, tokens, and other like kindneſſes: and to returne with all the ſpeed they can. No diſtance, or abſence ought any whit to diminiſh their mutuall louelove.

§. 16. Of the errour of Papiſts about man and wifes ſeparation.Si quis dixerit Eccleſiam errore cùm ob multas cauſas ſeparationem inter coniuges quoad thorum, ſen cohabitationem, ad certum, incertumue tempus fieri poſſe decernit, Anathema ſit. Concil. Trid. §. 24. can. 8.

Contrarie to the dutie of cohabitation is the doctrine of Papiſts, whereby they teach, that

Separation may be made betwixt man and wife for many cauſes from bed, or cohabitation, for a certaine or vncertaine time. The Councell of Trent is bold to denounce Anathema againſt ſuch as ſay, the Church erreth therein. If the many cauſes which they alledge, beſides adulterie, be well weighed, we ſhall finde them without all warrant of Gods word. *Bellarm. de Matrim. l. 1. c. 14.They draw them to two heads, 1. Mutuall conſent. 2. Demerit.

By conſent (ſay they) of both parties maried to attaine a greater and perfecter estate, mariage conſummate may be looſed from bed and cohabitation.

Anſw. 1. In mariage there is a couenant of God (Prou. 2. 17.) as well as of the two parties: the conſent therefore of parties is not ſufficient to breake it.

2. No eſtate in this world can be greater or perfecter then is meet for maried perſons. Adam and Eue in their beſt eſtate were maried: and now is mariage honourable in all.Heb. 13. 4.

3. The eſtates which they count more perfect, are either ſuch as are not in mans power (as perpetuall continencie) or ſuch as may be as well performed by maried perſons as by ſingle perſons (as Eccleſiaſticall functions) if at leaſt they be ſuch as are warranted by Gods word. High Prieſts, and other Prieſts, all ſorts of Leuites, extraordinarie Prophets and Apoſtles were maried. What greater functions then theſe?

The cauſes which for demerit, they ſay, make a ſeparation, …re 1. Adulterie. 2. Departing from the Catholike faith. 3. Soli…iting or impelling vntounto ſinne.

Concerning *See §. 5.Adulterie, we denie not, but that it giueth …uſt cauſe of diuorce: but withall we ſay (as aMatth. 5. 32.we hauehave good warrant from Chriſts words) that it is the only cauſe of iuſt di…orce. For to make a ſeparation for departing from the Catholike faith, Fidei gratia vxorem ne eijcias. Chryſ. hom. 19. in 1 Cor. 7.is directly contrarie to S. Pauls and S. Peters doctrine, 1 Cor. 7. 12, 13, 14. 1 Pet. 3. 1.

As for ſoliciting and impelling vntounto ſinne, though it may be cauſe to moue an husband or a wife to walke more warily and Si ferus moribus fit coniux, perferat illum vxor, nec vllam ob cauſam ſocietatem, vinculum que diſſoluere patiatur. Baſil. Hexaem. bom. 7. Matth. 5. 29.wiſely, and in extremitie to auoid ſocietie for a time, or to com…laine to the Magiſtrate for releefe, who may ſee it meet to lay …he delinquent perſon in priſon, or elſe otherwiſe keepe them ſunder till that delinquent be reclaimed and brought to a better minde: yet is it no ſufficient cauſe finally to diſſolue ma…age in regard of bed and cohabitation.

They vrge that if the right eye cauſe to offend, it muſt be pluc…d out.

Anſ. 1. That is but a metaphor, and may ſundry other wayes … applied.

2. The words are not ſimply, but by way of compariſon to …e taken, rather plucke it out, then to be made to ſtumble thereby.

3. Plucking out, applied to the point in hand, may be by …any other wayes, then by diſſoluing mariage.

4. That generall inhibition (whoſoeuer ſhall put away his wife, Matth. 5. 32.cauſeth her to commit adulterie) reſtrained only with the exception of fornication, admitteth neither this, nor any other ſuch cauſe of diſſoluing mariage.

§. 17. Of husbands and wiues vnlawfull abſenting themſelues one from another.

Contrarie alſo to the forenamed dutie of cohabitation, is the practiſe of many men, who liuing themſelues in one place (ſuppoſe at London) ſend their wiues vntounto ſome countrey houſe, and there euen mew them vp, as Hawkes, neuer caring to come at them, but are then moſt merrie, when their wiues are fartheſt off. If their wiues liue at home they will be abroad, mealing and lodging where their wiues ſhall not know: their owne houſe is as a priſon to them: they are not well, but when they are out of it. Of the like lewd conceit and practife are many wiues, who on no other occaſion then meere lightneſſe, being eager in purſuing their pleaſures, and ſatisfying their luſts, gad out of their owne houſes in the day, lie out of them in the night, and remaine in other company dayes and nights: or at leaſt are glad when their husbands hauehave occaſion to be from home; not vnlike to the light huſwife which Salomon deſcribeth, Prou. 7. 10. &c. I ſpeake of matters too famous, or rather infamous. I would there were no iuſt cauſe to taxe this lightneſſe. But let ſuch as deſire to approue themſelues to God or man, take heed of theſe hainous and more then heatheniſh vices. Though Iſrael play the harlot, yet let not Iudah Hoſ. 4. 15.offend.

Too neere to the forenamed kinde of vnlawfull ſeparation Man and wifes fault in parting roomes and beds in the ſame houſe.doe they come, who though they liue both in one houſe, yet make that houſe by their eſtranging themſelues one from another as two houſes: the man abiding in one end thereof, his wife in another: and ſo hauehave their ſeuerall roomes, ſeuerall tables, ſeuerall ſeruants, all ſeuerall: Or if the ſtraitneſſe of their houſe will not ſuffer them ſo to part other roomes, yet they will hauehave ſeuerall bed-chambers, or at leaſt ſeuerall beds: ſo as they that ſhall call them bed-fellowes, ſhall but nicke-name them. Thus they rob each other of that due beneuolence which they mutually owe one to another, they expoſe themſelues to the deuils ſnares, they more and more eſtrange their hearts one from another, and depriue themſelues of ſuch mutuall comforts and helpes, as by matrimoniall ſocietie they might afford to, and receiue from one another.

§. 18. Of husbands and wiues mutuall prayers.

The matter whereabout husbands and wiues mutuall prouidence ought to be conuerſant, is in generall the good of one another; that each of them doe that for the other, which Salomon in particular applieth to a wife, viz. good and not euill all Prou. 31. 12.the dayes of their life. Now the good of man extendeth to his ſoule, bodie, good name, and goods.

A generall dutie tending to the good of all theſe is prayer. Prayer a mutuall dutie. 1 Pet 3. 7.S. Peter requireth ſuch a cariage of man and wife one towards another, as their prayers be not hindred: whereby he taketh it for grant, that prayer is a mutuall dutie which one oweth to the other: which dutie Iſaak performed for his wife. Herein may Gen. 25. 21.man and wife be helpfull each to other in all things needfull to either of them: for it is the meanes which God in wiſdome Matth. 7. 7. I am. 5. 16.hath ſanctified for the obtaining of euerie needfull bleſsing for ourſelues or others. By many it is counted but a ſlight dutie and of ſmall vſe; but the truth is, that to performe it aright, in truth and faith, is both difficult in the deed, and powerfull in the effect. It is the beſt dutie that one can performe for another, and the leaſt to be neglected. We heard before, that Iſaak prayed for his wife: and to ſhew the good he did to her thereby, it is noted, that the Lord was intreated of him: ſo as ſhe, being Gen. 25. 21.barren before, by that meanes conceiued. All the phyſicke in the world could not hauehave done her ſo much good. aforeign. Luke 18. 1.Alwayes therefore, bforeign. 1 Theſſ. 5. 17.without ceasing is this dutie to be performed. Whenſoeuer man and wife make any prayer, therein they muſt be mindfull of one another: yea and oft muſt they of purpoſe take occaſion to make prayers in ſpeciall one for another: and that both in abſence, and alſo in preſence of one another.

This latter doth eſpecially concerne the husband, who is as a Prieſt vntounto his wife, and ought to be her mouth to God when they two are together: yet I doubt not, but that the wife may pray in the husbands preſence when they two are alone, …ither for triall (that he may hauehave knowledge of her abilitie and gift in that kinde) or for helpe (if the wife be much better able to performe that duty then the man is, as many wiues are.) Not without cauſe therefore hauehave I reckoned this among common mutuall duties.

§. 19. Of the things for which husbands and wiues are to pray alone.

There are ſundry needfull bleſſings which husbands and wiues are to pray for that appertaine only to themſelues, and are moſt meet to be mentioned in priuate praier betwixt themſelues, as

1. That as they two are one fleſh, ſo they may be alſo one ſpirit: that their hearts may be as one, knit together by a true, ſpirituall, matrimoniall louelove: alwayes delighting one in another, euer helpfull one to another, and readie with all willingneſſe and cheerefulneſſe to performe all thoſe duties which they owe one to another.

2. That their mariage bed may be ſanctified: and as it is by Gods ordinance, ſo it may remaine to them by their well vſing it, a bed vndefiled. There is no other thing, for which mutuall prayer in priuate betwixt man and wife is more needfull: and that ſo much the rather, becauſe of the naturall heat of luſt which is in moſt: which if it be not by prayer (the beſt meanes for that purpoſe) aſſwaged, it may proue a defilement Intemperans in coniugio quid aliud niſi quidam adulter vxoris eſt? Aug. ex Ambr. contr. Iulian. lib. 2.of the vndefiled bed: and man and wife become adulterers one to another. As other things, ſo this alſo is ſanctified by the word and praier. The word giueth a warrant and direction for the vſe of it: praier both ſeaſoneth it, and procureth a bleſſing vponupon it.

3. That they may hauehave children, and thoſe ſuch as may be heires of ſaluation, and liue in this world to their owne and others good: that they may be comely and well proportioned children: nor ideots in vnderſtanding, nor monſters in bodily ſhape, nor yet lewd and infamous in their liues: which could not but be a griefe to their parents, and might alſo open the mouthes of the wicked againſt them.

4. That God would giuegive them competencie of this worlds goods, and other good meanes well to nouriſh, nurture, and place forth their children: and a ſufficiencie for the maintenance of their family, and of that eſtate wherein God ſetteth them.

5. That ſuch needfull gifts and graces as are wanting in either of them may be wrought: and ſuch vices and infirmities as they are ſubiect vntounto may be redreſſed.

Theſe and many other like things giuegive occaſion to man and wife in ſpeciall manner to pray one for another, and one with another.

§. 20. Of husbands and wiues hatefull imprecations and wiſhes one againſt another.

Contrary to that holy and heauenly dutie of praier are thoſe direfull and helliſh imprecations and execrations, which ordinarily doe paſſe out of the mouthes of many husbands and wiues againſt one another (and that many times for very light occaſions) curſing the day that euer they knew one another, and wiſhing that one of them had beene vnderunder the ground before they came together. Moſt odious are theſe and ſuch like execrations in any mans mouth, but more then moſt odious in the mouth of man and wife againſt one another.

Many who for outward ſhame for beare to belch forth ſuch …rotten ſtinking ſpeech, make ſmall conſcience of wiſhing the like in their hearts. If an husband be any whit harſh, and a wife ſhrewiſh: or if through ſickneſſe, or any other like occaſion they ſeeme burdenſome each to other: or if any diſlike of one ariſe in the heart of the other: or if their hearts be ſet vponupon others: or if the ſuruiuor be to carry away the goods and …ands, their hearts will be filled with a thouſand wiſhes of one anothers death. Yea, many times ſuch as hauehave very good huſbands or wiues, without any ſhew of reaſon (only through an inward corrupton of their heart, and malicious inſtigation of Satan, not taking notice of their owne good) are ready to wiſh they were in heauen: making thereby a pretence of their eternall bliſſe to whom they ſo wiſh, whereas indeed their only deſire is to be looſed and freed from them. God oft meets with ſuch wicked wiſhers (whereby he ſheweth how hatefull ſuch wiſhes are to him) for ſometimes according to their wiſh he taketh away good husbands and wiues from thoſe that are euill: and when they are gone he maketh their loſſe to be ſo ſenſibly felt, as thoſe vngodly wiſhers doe, (as we ſpeake) in eueryevery veine of their heart repent them of their raſh wiſhes. Yea, to aggrauate their wretchedneſſe the more, he giueth them ſuch crabbed and peruerſe husbands and wiues in the roome and ſtead of thoſe good ones (for ſeldome comes a better) as they are forced with many deepe ſighs and groanes to wiſh (but all in vaine) their former wiues and husbands Quam chara ſint carendo intelligunt. Cic. in Orator.aliue againe, and ſo to verifie the prouerbe, A good thing is not ſo well diſcerned by enioying, as by wanting it. Sometimes againe God in anger croſſeth their wiſhes, and firſt taketh away the wiſhers of others death: or elſe prolongeth the life of both to Amicitiae quid haberent voluptatis carendo magis intellexi quàm ſruendo. Idem in oration. poſt red.their greater vexation.

§. 21. Of husbands and wiues neglect of mutuall praier.

The very neglect of mutuall prayer in husbands and wiues for each other is alſo a ſinne contrary to the forenamed dutie of praier: whereof if all that are guiltie were as well knowne to man as to God, how many vnkinde husbands and wiues careleſſe of one anothers good would be noted, more then are? Rare are thoſe husbands and wiues, that hauehave their ſeaſons to pray alone together one with another, if euer they pray one for another. Though in outward complements they may ſeeme very kinde, and in the outward things of this world, very prouident, yet if they pray not one for another, they are neither kinde, nor prouident. Heartie, feruent, frequent prayer is the greateſt token of kindneſſe, and beſt part of prouidence that can be.

§. 22. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care for one anothers ſaluation.

From the generall dutie of praier which is profitable to all things, I come to the particular branches of man and wiues Admonendi ſunt coniuges vt exhortantes inuicem ſaluent. Greg. in Paſt. part. 3. Adm. 28.mutuall prouident care: and will firſt begin with that which is firſt to be ſought, the good of one anothers ſoule: which the Apoſtle intimateth to be a thing to be ſought after, where he ſaith, a1 Cor. 7. 16.What knoweſt thou, ô wife, whether thou ſhalt SAVE thine husband, or what knoweſt thou, ô man, whether thou ſhalt SAVE thy wife? b1 Pet. 3. 1.S. Peter enioyneth wiues to doe their endeuour to win their husbands: and cEpb. 5. 25.S. Paul ſetteth before huſbands the patterne of Chriſts louelove, which had eſpeciall reſpect Of the particular dutie of husbands in this reſpect, See Treat. 4. §. 47.to the ſoule and the ſaluation thereof: ſo as this is a mutuall dutie appertaining to them both, which S. Peter further implieth where he ſtileth them coheires of the grace of life.

It is the greateſt good that one can poſſibly doe for another, to be a meanes of helping forward his ſaluation. And there is 1 Pet. 3. 7. foreign.nothing that can more ſoundly and firmely knit the heart of one to another, then to be a meanes thereof.

§. 23. Of husbands and wiues care to win one the other, when one of them is not called.

That the ſaluation of the ſoule may be the better effected, reſpect muſt be had to the preſent and particular eſtate of huſband or wife. If one be a beleeuer the other not, the beleeuer muſt vſe all the meanes that may be, to draw on the other alſo to beleeue. If both be beleeuers, their mutuall care muſt be to …edifie one another in thier moſt holy faith.

For the firſt, it is the maine drift of S. Peters exhortation to 1 Pet. 3. 1.beleeuing wiues, about their conuerſation, to draw on their vnbeleeuing husbands to the true faith. His phraſe (that they foreign.may be wonne or gained) as in generall it hath reſpect to their ſoules ſaluation, ſo in particular to their firſt conuerſion. Now if this dutie appertaine to a wife, much more to an husband, who is appointed an head to his wife, and a Saniour. To this end doth S. Paul aduiſe beleeuing husbands and wiues that Eph. 5. 23. 1 Cor. 7. 12, 13are maried to vnbeleeuers, to dwell with them.

For what a wofull thing is it, that two which in this world A wofull thing that one fleſh ſhould be in heauen and hell. Luk. 17. 34.are ſo neerely linked together as to make one fleſh, ſhould in the world to come be ſo farre ſeparated one from another, as heauen is from hell. This indeed ſhall ſo fall out in many: for Chriſt hath expreſly foretold it, that of two that were in one …ed together (who are more fitly ſet forth vnderunder this phraſe then man and wife, who moſt vſually are ſtiled bedfellowes?) …ne ſhall be taken (to mercy and glory) the other ſhall be for ſaken or left to endleſſe and eaſeleſſe torture and torment.) But though it be foretold that thus it ſhall fall out with many a …ouple, yet our care muſt be, and that with our vttermoſt power, Meanes of conuerſion the beſt cauſe of louelove.to preuent it, as in our ſelues, ſo in our bedfellow.

If it pleaſe the Lord to giuegive ſuch a bleſſing to the endeuour of an husband or wife, as to be a meanes of the conuerſion of their bedfellow, then will the partie conuerted both intirely louelove the other, and alſo heartily bleſſe God (as there is iuſt cauſe) that euer they were ſo neerely linked together.

This dutie of winning one another, is to be applied to ſuch as are maried not only to plaine infidels, but alſo to Papiſts or other like Idolaters, to Atheiſts, or any other profane perſons, to heretiques, ſeparatiſts, ſchiſmatiques, or any that beleeue not aright.

§. 24. Of husbands and wiues edifying one another.

The ſecond dutie tending to the ſoules ſaluation is, that two beleeuers being maried together, they endeuour mutually to build vp one another more and more. b1 Theſſ. 5. 11One Chriſtian oweth this dutie to another: much more man and wife. cHeb. 12. 15.Take heed (ſaith the Apoſtle) that no man fall away from the grace of God. If no man, then nor wife nor husband.

A ſpirituall edifying of one another is the beſt vſe which Spiritual edification a main end of matrimoniall coniunction.we can make (and ought to make) of thoſe dCol. 2. 19.ioynts and bonds whereby we are knit one to another. By vertue of them eEph. 4. 16.the body (namely the myſticall body of Chriſt) receiueth increaſe to the edifying of it ſelfe, and dCol. 2. 19.increaſeth with the increaſe of God. Now the bond of mariage being of all other the firmeſt, and that whereby we are neereſt knit together, by vertue of what bond ſhould we edifie one another, if not by vertue of the mariage bond?

§. 25. Of husbands and wiues hindering ſinne one in another.

Two things are requiſite vntounto ſpirituall edification.

One reſpecteth the hinderances of growth in grace.

The other the helpes thereof.

The hinderances of grace are all manner of ſinnes. Sinne to grace is as water to fire: it ſlaketh the heat of it, and if without hoe it be powred on it, it will cleane put it out. In regard hereof there ought to be a mutuall care in husbands and wiues, both to preuent ſinne before it be committed, and alſo to make what redreſſe they can after it is committed.

That it is a mutuall dutie for husbands and wiues ſo much Man and wife to preuent ſin in one another.as they can, to preuent ſinne one in another is euident, by that reaſon which the Apoſtle vſeth, to keepe them from defrauding one another, in theſe words, that Satan tempt you not. 1 Cor. 7. 5.For out of the ſcope and matter of thoſe words, this generall doctrine may be gathered, Husbands and wiues ought to be carefull to keepe one another from the temptations of Satan, that is, from ſinne, whereunto all his temptations tend. gGen. 27. 6, &c.Rebekah performed the dutie of a good wife in keeping Iſaak from bleſſing Eſau: which if he had done, he had ſinned againſt hGen. 25. 23.Gods expreſſe word. Though ſhe failed in the manner of doing it, yet her end was good.

As that louelove they owe one to another, ſo that care which they By preuenting ſinne in each other, they keepe iudgements from themſelues.ought to hauehave of themſelues requireth as much, for ſinne prouoketh Gods wrath, his wrath ſendeth downe vengeance, that vengeance which falleth on the husband can hardly miſſe the wife, or that the husband, which falleth on the wife; and that by reaſon of their neere vnion: though it fall not on both their pates, yet it cannot but much affect, and euen afflict the partie that eſcapeth. The wiues of thoſe rebells who were Num. 16. 27, 32ſwallowed vp quicke in the wilderneſſe, periſhed in like manner with their husbands. For they who are ſo neere as husbands and wiues, and doe not what they can to preuent one anothers ſinnes, make themſelues acceſſary thereto.

For the better effecting of this dutie, husbands and wiues Direction for preuenting ſinne.muſt be watchfull ouer one another, and obſerue what ſinnes either of them are giuen vntounto, or what occaſions are offered to draw either of them into ſinne. If either of them be cholericke or prone to be angry on a ſudden, the other muſt endeuour to take away all occaſions of offence: and if both ſhould be teſtie and haſtie to wrath, when the one ſeeth the other firſt moued, the partie whoſe paſſion is not yet ſtirred, ought the rather to be ſetled and compoſed to all meekneſſe and patience, leſt, if both together be prouoked, the whole houſhold be ſet on fire. If either of them be giuen to drunkenneſſe, couetouſneſſe, or any other ſinne, the other ought by wiſe and gentle perſwaſions to keepe them (as much as they can) from thoſe ſinnes. Yea they may alſo get others, that are diſcreet and able, to diſſwade them: or vſe what other good meanes they can to that purpoſe.

§. 26. Of husbands and wiues redreſſing ſinne in one another.

When either husband or wife is fallen into any ſinne, a mutuall dutie it is for the other, to vſe what redreſſe may be of that ſinne: as if one of them were wounded, the other muſt take care for the healing of that wound. Abigail performed 1 Sam. 25.her dutie in this kinde, when, after ſhe had heard what churliſh entertainment her husband gaue to Dauids ſeruants, ſhe haſtened to carry ſtore of prouiſion to Dauid, and humbled her ſelfe before him, and ſo moued Dauid to aſſwage his wrath: yea ſhe tooke a ſeaſonable time alſo to tell her husband his fault, and the danger whereinto he brought himſelfe thereby.

More directly, and with better ſucceſſe did Iaakob redreſſe the ſuperſtition, or rather Idolatrie of his wife Rachel, as may

be gathered by comparing	Gen. 31. 19, 34
Gen. 35. 2, 4.

A brother at large muſt not ſuffer ſinne to lie on his brother: Leu. 19. 17.much leſſe may husband or wife the one vponupon the other.

Thou ſhalt not hate thy brother (ſaith the law) and ſuffer It is a branch of hatred to ſuffer ſin to lie on any.ſinne to lie on him. To doe this then is a token and fruit of hatred. If an husband ſhould ſee his wife, or a wife her husband lying in the fire, or water, ready to be burnt or drowned, and not afford their beſt helpe to pull them out, might they not iuſtly be thought to hate them? But ſinne is as fire and water, which will burne and drowne men in perdition.

This dutie may be performed by meeke inſtructions, pithy perſwaſions, gentle reproofes: yea, and by the helpe of ſome Mat. 18. 16.good Miniſter, or other diſcreet and faithfull friend.

§. 27. Of husbands and wiues helping forward the growth of grace in each other.

Hitherto of preuenting, and redreſſing hinderances of grace. Hereunto muſt be added an helping forward of the growth thereof: which man and wife muſt mutually endeuour to effect one in another. The care which Elkanah had to carry his 1 Sam. 1. 4. &c.wiues along with himſelfe vntounto the Tabernacle of the Lord yeere by yeere, ſheweth that his deſire was to vphold them in the feare of God: yea the gifts and portions, which at that time he vſed to beſtow on them, implie the care that he had to encourage them to hold on in ſeruing the Lord. It was without queſtion the maine end which the Shunamite aimed at in 2 King. 4. 10.prouiding lodging for the Prophet, that both ſhe and her huſband might be built vp in Grace.

This duty may be the better effected by theſe means following.How growth in grace may be helped forward.

1. By taking notice of the beginning, and leaſt meaſure of Grace: and approuing the ſame.

2. By frequent conference about ſuch things as concerne the ſame: mutually propounding queſtions one to another thereabouts, and anſwering the ſame.

3. By their mutuall practiſe and example: making themſelues each to other a patterne of pietie.

4. By performing exerciſes of religion, as praying, ſinging pſalmes, reading the word, and the like together.

5. By maintaining holy and religious exerciſes in the familie. Nemo magiſter ita perſuadere poterit quemadmodum vxor. Chryſ. hom. 19. 1 Cor. 7.Though this dutie eſpecially appertaine to the husband, yet the wife muſt put her husband in minde thereof, if he forget it; and ſtirre him vp, if he be backward: Thus did the good Shunamite, 2 King. 4. 9, 10. No mans perſwaſion in this kinde, can ſo much preuaile with a man as his wiues.

6. By ſtirring vp one another to goe to the houſe of God, Maritum co adducito vt ſanctorum dierum rationem habeat. Greg. Naz. ad Olymp.to heare the word, partake of the Sacrament, and conſcionably performe all the parts of Gods publike worſhip.

Great need there is, that husbands and wiues ſhould endeuour to helpe forward the growth of grace in each other, becauſe we are all ſo prone to fall away and wax cold, euen as 1. Great need thereof.water if the fire goe out, and more fewell be not put vnderunder. 2. Husbands and wiues may be very helpfull one to another therein.And of all other, husbands and wiues may be moſt helpfull herein, becauſe they can ſooneſt eſpie the beginning of decay by reaſon of their neere, and continuall familiaritie together.

§. 28. Of the ſinnes of husbands and wiues contrary to a mutuall care of one anothers ſaluation.

The vices contrary to that generall mutuall dutie of huſbands and wiues in procuring the Saluation of one another, and to the particular branches compriſed vnderunder it, are many: As

1. A careleſſe neglect thereof: when as husbands and wiues 1. Care only for temporall things.ſo minde earthly things, as they thinke it enough if they be prouident one for another in the things of this life. Hereof moſt that liue in this earth are guiltie: and among others, euen many of them who hauehave the name of very good and kinde husbands and wiues. But whatſoeuer the opinion of others be of them, the truth is, that if they faile in this point, they goe no further then the very heathen hauehave done, and their kindneſſe may be as the apes kindneſſe, which cauſeth death.

2. The vnworthy walking, and vnchriſtian cariage of a beleeuer 2. Vnworthy walking.that is maried to one that beleeueth not: hereby the vnbeleeuer is kept off from embracing the Goſpell, and made the more to diſlike and deteſt it. If a popiſh or profane husband be maried to a wife that maketh profeſſion of the truth of the Goſpell, and ſhe be ſtout, proud, wanton, waſpiſh, waſtefull, or giuen to any other like vices, will he not be ready thereupon to inueigh againſt the religion ſhe profeſſeth, and vtterly proteſt againſt it? So alſo a popiſh or profane wife, if ſhe be maried to ſuch an husband.

3. Negligence in obſeruing one anothers diſpoſition or conuerſation: 3. Negligence in preuenting ſin.whereby it commeth to paſſe that they keepe not backe, nor reſtraine one another from running into any ſinne: but proue ſuch husbands and wiues one to another as Eli proued a father to his ſonnes: whence it fell out, that Gods ſeuere vengeance fell vponupon the necke of the one, and of the other. Pilats wife though an heatheniſh woman, ſhall riſe vp in iudgement againſt many ſuch wiues, for ſhe did what ſhe could to keepe Mat. 27. 19.her husband from ſhedding innocent bloud.

4. Acomplement all ſoothing of one anothers humour, and ſeeking 4. Man-pleaſing.mutually to pleaſe one another in all things, without reſpect of good or euill. Such as theſe the Scripture termeth Eph. 6. 6. foreignmen-pleaſers. Hence it commeth to paſſe that husbands and wiues are ſo farre from drawing one another from ſinne, that the better rather yeelds vntounto the worſe, and both runne into Diabolus ſaepe ſollicitus eſt ſubuertere viros per os coniugum. Orig. in Iob. lib. 2.euill, as Adam was perſwaded by his wife to tranſgreſſe againſt Gods expreſſe charge: and wiſe Salomon was drawne by his wiues vntounto Idolatrie, 1 King. 11. 4. and Sapphira conſented to the ſacriledge of Ananias her husband, Act. 5. 2.

5. An vndue feare of offending one another by Chriſtian inſtruction, 5. Vndue feare of offence.admonition, reproofe, and the like. Many who are oft moued in conſcience to make knowne to their husbands and wiues the ſinnes wherein they liue, and the danger wherein they lie by reaſon thereof, doe notwithſtanding through careleſſe and cauſeleſſe feare, refraine and forbeare to doe ſo.

6. An impious, and enuious diſpoſition, whereby many huſbands 6. Scoffing at the ſignes of grace.and wiues are moued to mocke, and ſcoffe at that holy zeale, and forwardneſſe which they obſerue in their bedfellowes: as Michal who reſembled Dauid to a foole, or 2 Sam. 6. 20.vaine-fellow, becauſe he manifeſted his zeale by dancing before the Arke. Thus doe many nip the worke of the ſpirit in the very bud, and cauſe grace ſoone to wither. But curſed be that husband, or wife, that thus peruerteth the maine end of their neere coniunction.

§. 29. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care ouer one anothers body.

After the good of the ſoule followeth the good of the body, wherein husband and wife muſt ſhew their prouident care each ouer other: and doe what lieth in them to procure the well-fare of one anothers perſon, and to nouriſh and cheriſh one anothers body. This dutie the Apoſtle layeth down vnderunder the compariſon of a body which he calleth fleſh, ſaying, aEph. 5. 29.No man hateth his owne fleſh, but nouriſheth and cheriſheth it: now man and wife are bEph. 5. 31.one fleſh. This dutie the Apoſtle in particular applieth to husbands. At the firſt inſtitution of mariage it was in particular applied to the wife, whom God made to be cGen. 2. 18.an helpe meet for man: ſo as it is a mutuall dutie appertaining to both. It ſeemeth that dGen. 27. 14.Rebecha was ſo carefull of Iſaak in this reſpect, that ſhe could readily make ſauory meat for him, ſuch as he loued.

This dutie extendeth it ſelfe to all eſtates both of proſperity and aduerſity, of health and ſickneſſe: for ſo much doe they mutually couenant and promiſe when they are firſt ioyned together in mariage, I take thee (ſaith each to other) for better for worſe, for richer for poorer, in ſickneſſe and in health to louelove and to cheriſh. Wherefore they ought mutually both to reioyce in the well-fare of one another, and alſo in all diſtreſſe to ſuccour and comfort each other, putting their ſhoulders vnderunder one anothers burden, and helping to eaſe one another as much as they can. That which Salomon ſaid of a friend and a brother, may fitly be applied in this caſe to husband and wife, a friend loueth at all times, and a brother is borne for aduerſity, Pro. 17. 17.that is, a truſty and faithfull friend is conſtant in his goodwill, and ready to performe all duties, of kindneſſe at any time, whether it be proſperity or aduerſity: the change of outward eſtate maketh no alteration in his louing affection and friendly cariage: yea he ſeemeth to be as it were borne and brought forth againſt the time of trouble and affliction, becauſe then is his prouident care and tender affection moſt manifeſted. Of all friends none ought to be more carefull, none more faithfull one to another then man and wife. How then ought they to louelove at all times, and if any triall come to either of them, the other ſo to carrie himſelfe, as it may be truly ſaid they were ioyned together for aduerſity?

Thus ſhall they verifie the truth of that whereby God was moued to creare of mankinde male, and female, namely that it was not good for man to be alone, but that it was rather good, Gen. 2. 18.that is, needfull, profitable, and comfortable for man and woman to be together. In which reſpect the wiſe-man ſaith, he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing; and by the rule of Pro. 18. 22.relation we may inferre, ſhe that findeth an husband findeth a good thing.

§. 30. Of husbands and wiues backwandneſſe to helpe one another in time of need.

Contrary to this duty is a certaine vnnaturall affection in ſundry husbands and wiues, who much grudge to prouide the things that are needfull for one another. The man commonly thinkes the charge too great, the woman thinkes the paines too much: they are affected one to another as if they were meere ſtrangers: nay many ſtrangers will be more ready to performe, and more cheerefull in performing needfull duties (as occaſion is offered) then ſuch vnnaturall husbands and wiues. If a little ſickneſſe, or other like croſſe fall on one of them, the other thinkes, neuer any had ſuch a burden; and by their diſcontent make the burden much more heauy then otherwiſe it would be: euen as when two oxen are in one yoke, and the one holdeth backe, the draught is made much harder to the other. Thus doe they peruert one of the principall ends of mariage, which is to be a continuall comfort and *Gen. 2. 18.helpe each to other, and to eaſe the burdens of one another: in which reſpect they are made yoke-fellowes. Iobs wife by her vnnaturall cariage towards him in his affliction Iob 2. 9.did much aggrauate his miſery: when he ſtood in moſt need of her helpe, ſhe afforded leaſt vntounto him: it appeares by Iobs complaint of her, in theſe words, my breath is ſtrange to Iob 19. 17.my wife, that ſhe altogether neglected him in his miſery. The common ſpeech of many after their husband or wife hauing long lien ſicke is departed, bewrayeth their vnnaturall affection: their ſpeech is this, if my husband (or wife) had died ſo much ſooner I had ſaued ſo much mony. What doth this intimate but that they could hauehave beene contented their husband (or wife) ſhould hauehave died ſooner that they might hauehave ſpared the more.

§. 31. Of Husbands and Wiues mutuall reſpect of one anothers good name.

The prouident care of husbands and wiues ought further to extend it ſelfe to the credit and good name of one another. As deare ought the good name of the wife be vntounto the huſband, and of the husband to the wife, as their owne. aMat. 1. 19.The great regard that Ioſeph had of the credit of Marie his eſpouſed wife, made him thinke of putting her away priuily when …e obſerued her to be with childe and knew not of whom: …or he was not willing bforeign.to make her a publike example. The …ame reſpect moued c2 Sam. 11. 5.Bethſheba to ſend ſecretly to Dauid, and …ell him that ſhe was with childe. The commendation which he good husband (Pro. 31. 28. 1. A good name is pretious. noted by Salomon) giueth of his wife being approued by the holy Ghoſt, ſheweth how man and wife …aght in that reſpect to honour each other: and that on good …ounds. For

1. A good name is a moſt pretious thing: eEccl. 7. 3.better then pre…ious ointment, which giueth a ſweet ſauour, and fPro. 22. 1.to be choſen …oue great riches.2. The good name of the one is the honour of the other.

2. So neerely are husbands and wiues ioyned together, the good name of the one cannot but tend to the honour and credit of the other; ſo that herein they ſeeke their owne honour alſo.

§. 32. Of husbands and wiues preuenting each others diſcredit.

For direction herein, conſider we how this dutie may be Directions concerning a good name.performed, and how it may be manifeſted.

For the better performing of it, care muſt be had both to preuent and redreſſe an ill name, and alſo to procure and preſerue a goodname.

To preuent an ill name reſpect muſt be had of theſe three things following,1. Preuent an ill name, and that

1. What one relateth of another, and how.

2. What eare they giuegive to things related by others.

3. What cenſure they giuegive of one another.

For the firſt, husbands and wiues may in no caſe delight to 1. By concealing things of ill report.diſcouer vntounto others, and ſpread abroad the infirmities, and imperfections of one another, or any thing that may tend to the diſcredit of either of them: but rather couer and conceale them as much as they may with a good conſcience. It is expreſſed that gMat. 1. 19.Ioſeph being a iuſt man laboured to conceale that blemiſh which he imagined to be in his wife, ſo as this may ſtand with iuſtice: yea alſo it is a part of Ioue, for h1 Pet. 4. 8.louelove couereth a multitude of ſinnes.

For the ſecond, husbands and wiues muſt not hauehave their 2. By cloſing eares againſt ill reports.eares wide opened to heare eueryevery tale and report that ſhall be brought to one againſt the other, but rather ſhew themſelues diſpleaſed and offended with them that are ready to relate things of euill report. If an husband or wife manifeſt a willingneſſe to hearken after tales and reports of one another, the deuill will ſtirre vp inſtruments enow to fill their heads with tales, and thoſe for the moſt part both friuolous and forged: not only ſtrangers, but children, ſeruants, and they which are of the ſame family will euer be telling ſome tale or other, to currie fauour, as we ſpeake. But an vtter diſlike of ſuch flattering tale-bearers, will take away occaſion from them of telling vntrue, or ſlight reports.

For the third, the iudgement and cenſure which husbands 3. By forbearing to cenſure raſhly.and wiues giuegive one of another muſt either be very charitable, or verie ſparing. If one heare reported any notorious crime of the other, they may not be ouer-headie or haſtie to iudge and condemne, no though they thinke they ſee ſome euidence thereof, but rather ſuſpend their iudgement. This ſeemeth to be the minde of Ioſeph: though he obſerued Marie to be with Mat. 1. 19.childe, yet would he not preſently iudge her to be a notorious adultereſſe, or condemne her for an hypocrite, vnworthie to liue, and therefore would not make her a publike example.

In briefe, that husbands and wiues may be the more ſparing in cenſuring one another, they muſt not raſhly beleeue any euill report of one another, but rather ſuppreſſe all light ſuſpitions as much as they can.

That the iudgement which they giuegive one of another, may be charitable, in iudging they muſt well obſerue the properties of louelove, which are 1. To interpret doubtfull things in the better part. 2. To mitigate, ſo farre as truth and iuſtice will ſuffer, the faults which are euident. Michal offended againſt 2 Sam. 6. 20.the firſt in an high degree, and was curſed. Abigail obſerued 1 Sam. 25. 25.the latter, and was bleſſed.

§. 33. Of the wiſdome of husbands and wiues, in redreſſing one anothers ill name.

To redreſſe an ill name, husbands and wiues muſt firſt giuegive one another notice of the report that goeth of them, and endeuour 2. Redreſſe an ill name.to worke in them both a ſight, and alſo a ſenſe of thoſe euils which are in the mouths of others: after notice giuen, they muſt labour to bring them to repentance of thoſe ſinnes, for which they are ill reported of, and to a manifeſtation of repentance, by doing things meet for repentance, which is by a zealous and conſcionable practiſe of ſuch vettues as are cleane contrarie to the vices for which they were euill ſpoken of. It may with good probabilitie be gathered out of the hiſtorie of the Leuite, whoſe wife plaid the whore, that thus he Iudg. 19. 1, 2, &c.dealt with her. And thus Abigail endeuoured to deale with her husband.1 Sam. 25. 37.

§. 34. Of husbands and wiues care in procuring one anothers good name.

To procure a good report, husbands and wiues muſt 3. Procure a good report.Firſt, take notice of the good qualities which are in one another, and as one hath occaſion to ſpeake of the other, to make thoſe good qualities the ſubiect of their ſpeech: as we l Pro. 31. 28, 29.heard it before commended in the husband of that wife which is deſcribed by Salomon.

Secondly, they muſt lend a willing and ioyfull eare to ſuch as ſhall (ſo farre as they can conceiue) truly and vnfainedly, without flatterie or hypocriſie, ſpeake any thing in commendation of the one or of the other: not thinking themſelues diſpraiſed (which is the conceit of many) when their bed-fellow is praiſed: but rather hauing their hearts the more enlarged to praiſe God, for beſtowing on them ſuch an excellent token and pledge of his fauour.

Thirdly, they muſt imitate thoſe good things which they behold, or heare to be in one another, and ſo imitate them as they which hauehave before time knowne both husband and wife, may ſay, this ſhe learned of him, or this he learned of her.

§. 35. Of husbands and wiues wiſdome, in preſeruing each others good name.

To preſerue a good name, it will be meet for an husband or 4. Preſerue a good name.wife, wiſely and ſeaſonably to giuegive one another notice of that good fame which is raiſed of them, thereby to prouoke them both to giuegive glorie to God for the ſame (mCol. 1. 3, 4. as the Apoſtle thanketh God for that report which was ſpred abroad of the faith and louelove of the Coloſsians) and alſo to walke worthie of that good report (as the Apoſtle who had giuen a great teſtimony of the bountie of the Corinthians, earneſtly exhorteth them to finiſh their beneuolence, leſt (ſaith he) I ſhould be aſhamed in 2 Cor. 9. 4.this my conſtant boaſting.) For if they of whom there is once a good report raiſed, decay, wax cold, grow backward, or fall into notorious and ſcandalous ſinnes, they will cleane extinguiſh and put out their good name among men, and turne it into an euill report, according to that which Salomon ſaith, Dead flies cauſe the ointment of the Apothecarie to ſendforth a Eccleſ. 10. 1.ſtinking ſauour: ſo doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wiſdome and honour.5. Manifeſt a care of one anothers good name.

§. 36. Of husbands and wiues like affection towards one anothers credit.

In the laſt place, to manifeſt a mutuall prouident care of one anothers good name, husbands and wiues muſt be ſo affected with the report that goeth of either of them, as if the report were of their owne ſelues. If the report be good, to be glad thereof, and to reioyce thereat; if it be euill, to be grieued, and after an holy manner vexed at it: thus ſhall they ſhew a true ſympathie and fellow feeling of one anothers credit, according to that generall rule of the Apoſtle, nRom. 12. 15.Reioyce with them that reioyce, and weepe with them that weepe.

§. 37. Of the vices contrarie to that mutuallcare, which man and wife ſhould hauehave of one anothers credit.

Vices contrarie to theſe duties concerning the good name of Contrarie vices.an husband and wife, are in generall two.

One is a readineſſe to diſgrace and diſcredit one another, 1. To diſcredit each other, and thatlike Michal the wife of Dauid, of whom we heard before. A hatefull and deteſtable vice this is, which cannot ſtand with 2 Sam. 6. 20.true matrimoniall louelove, but rather argueth an vtter diſlike, and a plaine hatred of one another.

Husbands and wiues diſcredit one another, either by procuring an ill name, or hindring a good name.

An ill name in procured by theſe meanes following.

1. By blazing abroad one anothers infirmities: as when 1. By blazing one anothers infirmities abroad.tatling Goſsips meet, their vſuall pra…e is about their husbands, complaining of ſome vice or other in them: My husband, ſaith one, is couetous: I cannot get of him any thing almost: he maketh me goe as no body goeth. And my husband, replieth another, is ſo furious as none can tell how to ſpeake to him: ſo one after another goeth on in this tracke, ſome diſcouering ſuch infirmities as ſhould be concealed; others (which is worſe) plainly belying their huſbands. In like manner alſo husbands when they meet with their boone companions, make their wiues the common ſubiect of all their talke: one accuſing his wife of one vice; another his, of another. There are two reſpects for which this vice (moſt deteſtable in it ſelfe) is made more odious in an husband or a wife. 1. Becauſe they know more then any other of one anothers infirmities: ſo as if they be ſo euilly minded, they may much more diſcredit one another, then any other can. 2. Becauſe in regard of their neere vnion they are moſt bound to conceale and couer each others imperfections. pGen. 9. 22, 25.Cam was curſed for reuealing his fathers nakedneſſe. but a more horrible curſe doe husbands and wiues deſerue, that ſo doe.

2. By opening their eares, and giuing credit to eueryevery light 2. By hearing and beleeuing others ill reports.report that any ſhall raiſe. More ſecret heart-burning of one againſt the other, and more open quarrels and contentions betwixt them, ordinarily ariſe from hence then from any other thing.

3. By peruerting and miſ-interpreting one anothers actions, 3. By turning euerie thing to the worſt.words, yea and thoughts alſo: taking eueryevery thing in the worſt part.

4. By concealing from one another the common euill rumors 4. By concealing euill rumors.which are raiſed of them, and are in eueryevery mans mouth: of all other, bedfellowes are moſt fit to diſcloſe ſuch things one to another: and moſt bound to doe it. Moſt fit, becauſe of their mutuall familiaritie: moſt bound, becauſe of their neere vnion.

Many husbands and wiues doe hinder one anothers good 5. By enuying and gaineſaying good reports.name by enuying one at the good report that is made of the other, and gainſaying the ſame: as if the credit of the one muſt needs turne to the diſcredit of the other. Thus as water quencheth hot iron, ſo this enuious diſpoſition is a meanes to extinguiſh the heat of fame, and to put out the glorious light of a good name. Whereby as they impaire the credit and honour of one another, ſo they monſtrouſly diſcredit and diſhonour themſelues.

The other generall vice in this kinde, is a careleſſe regard, 2. Neglect of each others fame.or plaine neglect of one anothers fame: when the husband is no way affected with any report that goeth of his wife, nor the wife with any of the husband: but as if they were meere ſtrangers one to another, they paſſe by all reports made of one another. What mutuall louelove can there be in ſuch? howſoeuer their hands hauehave beene ioyned together, ſurely their hearts were neuer vnited, ſo as it had beene better they had neuer knowne one another, vnleſſe the Lord doe afterwards knit their hearts, and vnite their affections more neerely and firmely together.

§. 38. Of husbands and wiues mutuall prouidence about the goods of the family.

Yet there remaineth one thing more, whereabout husbands Treatiſe 3. §. 29.and wiues ought to manifeſt a mutuall prouident care each ouer other: and that is about the goods of this world. Howſoeuer the husband, while he liueth with his wife, hath the trueſt propertie in them, and the greateſt title vntounto them, yet I referre this to thoſe mutuall duties which man and wife owe each to other, in three reſpects.

Firſt, becauſe in conſcience they appertaine to the vſe of the wife, as well as of the husband.

Secondly, becauſe the wife is by Gods prouidence appointed a ioynt gouernour with the husband of the familie, and in that reſpect ought to be an helpe in prouiding ſuch a ſufficiencie of the goods of this world, as are needfull for that eſtate wherein God hath ſet them, and for that charge which God hath committed to them.

Thirdly, becauſe the wife, if ſhe ſuruiue the husband, ought to hauehave ſuch a portion of thoſe goods, as are meet for her place and charge.

In theſe reſpects we ſee it requiſite, yea a bounden dutie, that husband and wife, euen in a mutuall regard one of another, be as prouident as they can be with a good conſcience in getting, keeping, and diſpoſing competent goods and riches for the mutuall good one of another. Concerning the huſbands dutie in this reſpect no queſtion is made: the practiſe of all good husbands mentioned in Scripture, the care of prouiding for their a1 Tim. 5. 8. See Treat. 4. §. 46.owne enioyned to them, their place and office to be their wiues head, with many other like arguments, whereof we ſhall more diſtinctly ſpeake, when we come to declare the particular duties of husbands, doe proue as much. The greateſt queſtion is concerning the wife, whether ſhe be bound to take any care about the goods. But if the Scripture be tho…owly ſearched, we ſhall finde proofe enough to ſhew that euen …he alſo is bound hereunto. For firſt, the generall end which God aimed at in making the woman (namely to be bGen. 2. 18.an helpe …o man) implieth as much: for herein may ſhe be a verie great helpe, as we ſhall ſee by and by in ſundry particulars. 2. That generall property attributed to a wife to be cProu. 18. 22.a good thing, confirmeth as much: for that which is profitable is called good: and it is one reſpect wherein a wife is termed a good thing, that ſhe may by her prouidence and diligence bring much profit to her husband: and therefore in this, among other reſpects, the good wife which Salomon deſcribeth, is ſaid dProu. 31. 12.to doe good to her husband all the daies of her life: for by her induſtry and prouidence ſhee did ſo preſerue and increaſe his goods, that eVerſ. 11.the heart of her husband truſted in her, and he had no need of ſpoile. If the particular actions whereby that good wife is deſcribed be well noted, we may eaſily obſerue that ſhe was an eſpeciall helpe vntounto her husband, euen in his outward eſtate. From all which, we may inferre theſe two points. Firſt, that this prouident care about outward temporall goods is lawfull, not vnbeſeeming a Chriſtian man or woman. Secondly, that it is a mutuall dutie appertaining both to husband and wife.

For the firſt, how needfull the goods of this world are for preſeruation of life and health, eſtate of the family, good of Church and Common-wealth, releefe of the poore, with the like vſes, no man can be ignorant. God hath giuen them as bleſſings to his children, and that often times in great abundance; and his children hauehave accordingly beene thankfull for them: ſo as a prouident care about them is not vnlawfull, but very expedient and needfull.

For the ſecond, If there ſhould not be a ioint care herein, the care and paines of the one might be altogether in vaine. For ſuppoſe an husband be induſtrious, as fGen. 31. 40.Iaakob was, and get much abroad, if the wife either by her vnthriftineſſe, idleneſſe, negligence, or the like vices, ſuffer that which is brought home to be embeaſeled and waſted; or by her prodigalitie, brauerie, or louelove of vaine companie, conſume it her ſelfe, where will be the profit of the husbands paines? Or on the other ſide, if a wife ſhould be as painfull and proſperous in getting, as gProu. 31. 10. &c.the good houſwife before mentioned was, and the husband by carding, dicing, drinking, reuelling, or other like meanes ſhould waſte all away, what fruit would remaine of the wiues prouidence? In this mutuall prouident care of husband and wife, each of them muſt hauehave an eye to their owne place: affaires abroad doe moſt appertaine to the man, and are eſpecially Externa negotia viro permitte. Greg. Naz. ad Olymp.to be ordered by him: that which the wife is eſpecially to care for, is the buſineſſe of the houſe: for the Apoſtle laieth it downe as a rule for wiues (as we ſhall hereafter more particularly declare) that they hTit. 2. 5.keepe at home, and i1 Tim. 5. 14.gouerne the houſe. By this means may they be very profitable each to other.

§. 39. Of the vices contrary to the good prouidence of huſband and wife, about the goods of the family.

Contrary to that dutie, are theſe vices following.

1. Couetouſneſſe, and ouermuch care for themſelues: as Contrary vices.when an husband ſo raketh, and ſcrapeth, and hoordeth vp for himſelfe, as he neither affordeth vntounto his wife ſo much as is 1. Couetouſneſſe.meet for her place while he liueth with her, nor thinketh of prouiding ſufficient maintenance for her, if ſhee ouer-liue him, but rather thinketh how to defraud her of that which the law caſteth vponupon her. Or when a wife ſecretly hoordeth vp whatſoeuer ſhe can get, either by her owne induſtry, or elſe by purloining from her husband: ſometimes ſelling corne, wares, houſhold-ſtuffe, or other like commodities, ſo priuily as the husband ſhall neuer know it: ſometimes taking money out of his counter, box, bagge, cheſt, or the like, ſo as either it ſhall not be miſſed, or if it be, it ſhall not be knowne who had it. Many there be who in miſtruſt of their husbands prouidence, or in diſlike of them, or on ſome other by-reſpects, commit whatſoeuer they can get to the truſt and cuſtody of others, whereby it oft commeth to paſſe, that they themſelues, meeting with deceitfull friends, are vtterly defeated, euen becauſe they dare not make their fraud knowne. As Couetouſneſſe is in it ſelfe an odious ſinne; ſo it is made much more hainous by defrauding husband or wife, who ought to be as deare each to other as themſelues.

2. Prodigalitie, and too lauiſh ſpending vponupon themſelues, 2. Prodigality.and thoſe things which are moſt agreeable to their owne corrupt humor: as when husbands without any meane or mea…ure, ſpend their goods abroad in hunting, hauking, carding, …icing, eating, drinking, or the like, and ſuffer their wiues to want at home, and yet tooke their wiues to maintaine them, and therefore had their portion. Or when wiues bring their husbands into debt, and weaken, if not cleane ouerthrow their eſtate, by gorgeous decking and adorning their houſes, by braue and coſtly apparell, by dainty fare, by goſſipping abroad, with the like. Many wiues are ſo violent herein, that if their deſire and humour be not ſatisfied, their husbands ſhall hauehave no reſt (forſooth they brought a portion, and maintained they muſt and will be; it skilleth not whether their husbands eſtate can beare it or no) in ſo much as many are forced wittingly, for quietneſſe ſake, to ſuffer their eſtate to ſinke. O fooliſh and wretched wiues! how little do they conſider that they were maried to doe their husbands good, and not euill all the daies of their life? is this to be an helpe to man? or rather is it not cleane to thwart Gods counſell, and peruert his purpoſe? can we thinke that God will forbeare, and not be auenged of them? yet much more will God be auenged of the forenamed husbands, becauſe of that image of himſelfe which he hath placed in them, and becauſe of that place and authority wherein he hath ſet them. The Apoſtle expreſly ſaith of them, that they are worſe then Infidels, which being ſo, they muſt looke for 1 Tim. 5. 8.the greater iudgement.

3. Idleneſſe, and a careleſſe neglect of their eſtate. Many 3. Idleneſſe.men ſpend day after day, like a bird that flieth vp and downe, as it falleth out, from tree to tree, from twigge to twigge: they goe from place to place, but know not for what end: as they meet with any company, ſo they abide as long as the company tarrieth, and then ſeeke after other company, and are ready to goe with any to Ale-houſe, Tauerne, Play-houſe, Bowlingalley, or other like places. Many women alſo ſpend all the forenoone in lying a bed and tyring themſelues, and the afternoone as occaſion is offered in ſitting idly at home, or walking forth to little purpoſe, but only to weare out time, little regarding their husbands eſtate, whether it increaſe, or diminiſh. Thus by the idleneſſe and careleſneſſe of husband and wife, come faire eſtates many times to ruine, and both of then brought to penury and beggery.

§. 40. Of husbands and wiues ioint care in gouerning the family.

Hitherto I hauehave deliuered ſuch common duties as mutually reſpect the husband and wife, and are to be performed of each to other. There are other common duties which they are both iointly bound to performe to other perſons: and thoſe either members of the family, or ſtrangers comming to the family.

Concerning the members of the family, though there be ſome peculiar duties belonging to the maſter, and ſome to the miſtreſſe, ſome to the father, and ſome to the mother, of which we ſhall ſpeake in their due place; yet in generall the gouernment of the family, and the ſeuerall members thereof belongeth to the husband and wife both (if at leaſt they hauehave a family) and a ioint common dutie it is to be helpfull one to another therein.

Obiect. Seeing it is not neceſſarily required, that a huſband and wife ſhould hauehave a family to gouerne, for two may be maried and hauehave neither children nor ſeruants (as many are) and yet be true husband and wife; why is this care of a family ranked among the duties of husband and wife?

Anſw. 1. Becauſe ordinarily when two are maried they gather a family, and are the gouernours thereof: ſo as though it faile in ſome particulars, yet for the moſt part it holdeth.

2. Becauſe the ioint gouernment whereof I ſpeake in this place is by vertue of the mariage-bond: for if a man and a woman ſhould liue together in an houſe, and by mutuall conſent hauehave a ioint authority and gouernment, this would be very offenſiue to all that ſhould know it, or heare of it: neither were they by any ordinance of God bound to be ſo helpfull one to another as husband and wife: nor the members of a family ſo bound to ſubiect themſelues to both.

3. The duty whereof I ſpeake, though it be about the gouernment of a family, yet hath it reſpect to an huſband as he is an husband, and to a wife as ſhee is a wife; namely, that by vertue of their mariage-bond, and neere vnion, they be helpfull one to another in well-ordering the things of the family.

Whether the man ought to look to the good gouernment of his houſe is a queſtion without all queſtion. He is the higheſt in the family, and hath both authoritie ouer all, and the charge of all is committed to his charge: he is as a king in his owne houſe: as a king is to ſee that land well gouerned where he is king, ſo he that is the chiefe ruler in an houſe. The dutie which the Apoſtle applieth in particular to Biſhops & Deacons, in generall appertaineth to all husbands, a1 Tim. 3. 4.that they rule their owne houſe honeſtly: and againe, bVerſ. 12.that they be ſuch as can rule their children well, and their owne houſholds. The care of many huſbands is in this reſpect commended in Scripture, as of cGen. 18. 19.Abram, of d& 35. 2, &c.Iaakob, of eJ…ſ… 4. 15.Ioſuah, of fPſal. 101. 2. &c.Dauid, the gIoh. 4 53.Ruler at Galile, and of many other. That the wife alſo ought to be an helpe to him therein, is very euident: for the Apoſtle layeth it expreſly to their charge, h1 Tim. 5. 14.that they gouerne the houſe: would the Wiſe man hauehave ſo highly commended a wife iProu. 31. 11, &c.for well gouerning her huſbands houſe if it had not appertained to her? It is very likely that wiſe Abigail had a great hand in gouerning Nabals houſe, becauſe the ſeruants made complaint to her of Nabals churliſhneſſe, and becauſe ſhe had the ſeruants at command, readily to doe what ſhe would hauehave them; yea alſo, becauſe ſhe could ſo readily prepare ſuch ſtore of prouiſion for Dauid and his men, as ſhe did. Hence is it that the wife is called kMater-familias.miſtreſſe of the houſe, as well as the husband lPater-familias.maſter of the houſe.

Obiect. m1 Tim. 2. 12.A woman is not to teach, nor to vſurpe authoritie ouer the man.

Anſw. 1. That branch of teaching hath reſpect to publike aſſemblies, and Churches, in which ſhe may not teach: but not to priuate families, in which ſhe may, and ought to teach: for nPro. 31. 4.Barthſhebah taught Salomon. When oActs 18. 26.Apollos was brought to the houſe of Aquila, Priſcilla the wife of Aquila did helpe to expound to Apollos the way of God more perfectly.

2. The other branch concerning authoritie, hath not reference to the inferiour members in the family, ouer which the wife of an houſhold gouernour hath authoritie, but only to the husband, ouer whom if ſhe take any authoritie, ſhe vſurpeth it. Therfore neither this place of Scripture, nor any other doth exclude the wife, being iointly conſidered with the husband, to rule & gouerne thoſe in the family which are vnderunder them both.

2. Obiect. This ioint gouernment of the wife doth much impaire the dignity and authority of the husband.

Anſw. Nothing leſſe: for ſhe is ſubordinate to her husband, and muſt ſo rule others as ſhe be ſubiect to her husband, and not command any thing againſt his command, (prouided that his command be not againſt the Lord, and his word.) We ſee that in all eſtates the king or higheſt gouernour hath other Magiſtrates vnderunder him, who hauehave a command ouer the ſubiects, and yet thereby the kings ſupreme authoritie is no whit impaired, but rather the better eſtabliſhed, and he the more honoured. So is it in a family.1. Reaſon. Husbands and wiues by their mutuall aſſiſtance bring great help one to another. Plus vident oculi quàm oculus. Ariſt. Polit. li. 3. c. 7.

Let therefore husbands and wiues herein aſſiſt one another, for ſo they may be very helpfull one to another, and bring, by their mutuall helpe in gouerning, much good to the family. The husband by his helpe aiding his wife, addeth much authoritie vntounto her, and ſo cauſeth that ſhe is not deſpiſed, nor lightly eſteemed. The wife by her helpe cauſeth many things to be eſpied, and ſo redreſſed, which otherwiſe might neuer hauehave beene found out: for two eies ſee more then one, eſpecially when one of thoſe is more at hand, and in preſence, as the 2. Reaſon. Many things in a family more fit for the one to meddle with, then for the other.wife is in the houſe.

Beſides there are many things in well gouerning a family more fit for one to meddle withall then for the other: as for the husband to meddle with the great and weightie affaires of the family (as performing Gods worſhip, appointing and ſetling good orders, prouiding conuenient houſe-roome, and other neceſſaries for the family: keeping children when they grow In familia diſpertita ſunt officia: ſunt que alia viri, alia vxoris propria. Pro▪ ſunt ergo vter que alteri ſua in commune confe rentes: ob eam que cauſam ſuauitas in hac tali amicitia ineſt, vtilitaſ que maxima. Ariſt. Eth. li. 8. ca. 12.great, or waxe ſtubborne, in awe: ruling men ſeruants, with the like) And for the wife to meddle with ſome leſſe, but very needfull matters, as nouriſhing and inſtructing children when they are young, adorning the houſe, ordering the prouiſion brought into the houſe, ruling maid ſeruants, with the like. Yea further, as the man eſpecially is to performe the very actions of prayer, reading the word, catechizing, and other like duties in the family, ſo the wife may be a great helpe in putting her husband in minde both of the dutie it ſelfe, and of the time of performing it, and incouraging him to doe it, in gathering the family together, and exhorting them to be forward, in making her ſelfe an example to the reſt by her diligent and reuerend attention, in oft vrging and preſſing to her children and ſeruants ſuch points of inſtruction as her husband hath taught; yea, in praying, reading, teaching, and performing like exerciſes her ſelfe, ſo farre as ſhe is able, when her huſband is abſent, or negligent and careleſſe, and will not himſelfe doe them; or it may be, is not able to doe them: or if ſhe performe them not her ſelfe, in getting ſome other to performe them.

§. 41. Of the vices contrary to a ioint care of gouerning the family.

The minde and practiſe of many, both husbands and wiues, Vices contrary.is contrary to this dutie.

Many a husband becauſe the wiues office is eſpecially to 1. When huſbands put off all gouernment to their wiues.abide at home, will put off all gouernment to the wife: leauing it to her not only to order the things in the houſe, but alſo to bring in all needful things, to order and gouerne the children both young and old, yea euen to prouide for them alſo, to take in, to put out, to vſe all ſorts of ſeruants as pleaſeth her: yea, if ſeruants ſhall be ſtubborne and ſtout againſt her, he will take no notice of it, nor endure to be told of it, much leſſe afford her his aſſiſtance, but ſuffer her to be diſgraced and deſpiſed. As for religious duties, he will no way meddle with them. Oh baſe minded men, vnworthy to be huſbands and heads of wiues! ſhall your wiues who were made to be an helpe to you, hauehave no helpe from you, …o not in thoſe things which eſpecially belong to your charge? ſhall the weaker veſſels beare all the burden? Aſſuredly as the man carrieth away the greateſt reputation and honour when a family is well gouerned (though it be by the ioynt care and wiſdome of his wife) ſo lieth he moſt open to the iudgement of God if the gouernment thereof be neglected, and through the neglect thereof, children and ſeruants grow impious: inſtance a1 Sam. 3. 12, 13.Elie, and b2 Sam. 15.Dauid. For as in a common-wealth, the greateſt honour of good gouernment, victorious battels, happy peace, and proſperity, and the greateſt diſhonor and dammage of the contrary, redoundeth to the king, ſo to the man who is chiefe gouernour in a family: for it is preſuppoſed, that all which doe any good are inſtruments of the higheſt gouernour: if any euill or miſchiefe fall out, that it is through his negligence.

On the other ſide, becauſe the husband is the moſt principall, 2. When wiues refuſe to adde their aide.many wiues thinke that the gouernment of the family nothing at all appertaines to them, and thereupon are careleſſe of the good thereof, and will not ſtirre their leaſt finger to order any thing aright: but, if any thing be amiſſe, lay all the blame on their husbands. Doe not ſuch peruert that maine end for which God made them, euen to be an helpe? Doe they not carrie themſelues moſt vnworthy of the place wherein God hath ſet them, namely to be ioynt-gouernours with their husbands, and partakers of their dignities? As by their negligence they make themſelues acceſſary to all the euill which falleth out in the family, ſo aſſuredly ſhall they hauehave their part in thoſe iudgements which are executed on the head thereof.

Moſt contrary to the forenamed dutie is the practiſe of 3. When husbands or wiues are hinderances each to other.ſuch as are hindrances one to another in gouerning the family: as when wiues are not only negligent themſelues in comming to religious exerciſes, but keepe backe children and ſeruants, and ſo are a great griefe vntounto their religious huſbands: or when they vſe any of the children or ſeruants to be inſtruments of iniquity; or are themſelues diſquiet and troubleſome in the houſe, like to her of whom Salomon ſpeaketh in this prouerbe, It is better to dwell in the corner of the houſe Pro. 21. 9.top, then with a contentious woman in a wide houſe.

Husbands alſo are oft an hinderance to that good gouernment which their wiues would helpe forward, when they ſcoffe and ſcorne at that good counſell which their wiues giuegive them for that purpoſe, or when they will not ſuffer their wiues to meddle with any thing at all, nor endure that they ſhould finde any fault, much leſſe take in hand to redreſſe any thing that is amiſſe. Theſe and ſuch like peruerſe diſpoſitions are in husbands and wiues, whereby it commeth to paſſe that they who were ioyned together to be a mutuall helpe each to other, proue heauy, yea intolerable burdens.

§. 42. Of husbands and wiues mutuall helpe in hoſpitality.

The next common duty of husband and wife reſpecteth ſuch as come to their houſe, but are no particular members thereof, whether they be kindred, alliance, acquaintance, or ſtrangers, eſpecially if they be Saints, to whom aHeb. 13. 2. Rom. 12. 13.hoſpitality, that is, a kinde and courteous entertainment, is due. Herein therefore muſt husbands and wiues be helpfull one to another: for as it is required of b1 Tim. 3. 2.husbands, ſo alſo of c& 5. 10.wiues to be harborous, namely while they are maried, together with their husbands, and when they are widowes, of themſelues. dGen. 18 6. &c.Abraham and Sarah were herein an helpe one to another, when the three Angels in ſhapes of men came to their houſe: ſo were e2 King. 4. 8.the Shunemite and her husband when Eliſha the Prophet came to their houſe.

For hoſpitality, that it is a commendable dutie belonging Reaſons. 1. Hoſpitality a commendable dutie.to ſuch as are houſe-keepers and able to giuegive entertainment, is euident by the precepts and examples before ſpecified, as alſo by the bleſſing which God thereupon hath brought to the houſes of them that were giuen thereunto, which the Apoſtle intimateth in theſe words, fHeb. 13. 2.thereby ſome hauehave entertained Angels vnawares. Now therfore husbands and wiues being (as we hauehave heard) ioynt gouernours, as in other things, ſo in this they ought to lend an helping hand each to other, and that for theſe reaſons.

1. Becauſe in giuing entertainment there are ſundry 2. The entertainment will be the better by a mutuall helpe.things to be done, whereof ſome are proper to the husbands place, and ſome to the wiues. To take order for the prouiſion of things without doores is more fit for the husband, gGen. 18. 7.Abraham did it: to order the ſmaller things within doores is more fit for the wife; that was left to hVerſ. 6.Sarah.

2. Becauſe it is meet that gueſts ſhould know they are welcome 3. Gueſts will be more cheerefull.both to the husband and to the wife, that ſo they may be the more cheerefull.

3. Becauſe a mutuall conſent, and cheerefull help herein will 4. Mutuall louelove will be more firme.be an eſpeciall means, as to manifeſt their mutuall affection, ſo to hold the hearts of man and wife firme and cloſe together, and make them the better like and louelove one the other: eſpecially if the husband ſhall ſhew himſelfe as ready and willing to entertaine his wiues friends and kindred as his owne, and ſo the wife her husbands (as they ought.) For as they themſelues are made one fleſh, ſo ought each of them to eſteeme of the others friends as of their owne.

4. Becauſe thus they ſhew a mutuall deſire of bringing 5. A deſire of one anothers good manifeſted.Gods bleſſing on each other, and vponupon their whole family.

§. 43. Of vices contrary to mutuall helpe in hoſpitality.

Contrary to this dutie is for the moſt part couetouſneſſe in the husband, and laſineſſe in the wife. The man, becauſe the charge of the family lieth on him, diſtruſtfully feareth leſt he ſhould want for his owne.

I denie not but that a prouident care for our owne, & namely for them of the family, is needfull and commendable, i1 Tim. 5. 8.he that prouideth not for them is worſe then an infidell: ſo as a man may be ouerlauiſh in giuing entertainment, if he goe beyond his meanes, impoueriſh his eſtate, and diſable himſelfe to prouide for his owne, as many doe: yet when a man hath ſufficient, yea and abundance, when there is no iuſt cauſe, but meerely vponupon an vndue feare too carkingly, and diſtruſtfully to pinch, and grudge to giuegive entertaiment to any, is vnbeſeeming a Chriſtian, yea alſo to be worſe then an infidell; not worthy to hauehave an houſe, or any thing fit for entertainment; no nor worthy of common ſociety.

The woman on the other ſide grudgeth at the paines ſhe muſt take, and trouble ſhe muſt vndergoe about entertaining gueſts, and thereupon is loth that any at any time ſhould come to their houſe.

Concerning a wife, I denie not but that an husband may be in this kinde ouerburdenſome to her, by being too ioueall, as they ſpeake, and bringing gueſts too often into the houſe, eſpecially if they be gueſts of no good name; and by that meanes make her euen weary of her life: but yet for a wife to refuſe all paines in that kinde, and to be diſcontented when her husband inuites any friends, or when any come (as the three Angels did to Abraham) vnawares, argueth not a louing affection, nor a wiuelike ſubiection vntounto her husband, to be in her.

Theſe faults are ſo much the greater when the husband, or wife, are free and forward in entertaining their owne kindred and friends: but are backward, and grudge at the entertainment of each others friends and kindred. Hence commonly ariſeth much heart-burning of one againſt the other: yea much iarre and contention betwixt them: and from diſlike of the practiſe of one another in this kinde oft followeth a diſlike of one anothers perſon: ſo that as the fault is bad in it ſelfe, it proues to be much worſe in the miſchiefes that follow vponupon it.

§. 44. Of husbands and wiues mutuall helpe in releeuing the poore.

The laſt common and ioynt dutie wherein husband and wife ought to be helpfull each to other, reſpecteth thoſe that are without the houſe, namely the poore, and ſuch as ſtand in need of their helpe, who are to be releeued and ſuccoured. Becauſe man and wife vſually meale together, and are ioynt partakers of Gods good creatures, they muſt put one another in minde of that precept of charity which was giuen to the Iewes when they were at their meales, aNeh. 8. 10.ſend part vntounto them for whom none is prouided. The good wife which is ſet forth by the holy Ghoſt for a patterne and example vntounto others to follow, together with her husband, are noted to be helpfull one to another in this dutie: for ſhe is ſaid bPro. 31. 20.to ſtretch out her hand to the poore, and to the needy: and he is ſaid cVerſ. 28.to praiſe her, thereby incouraging her to hold on in doing thoſe good things which ſhe did. What liberty the wife hath, or howfar forth ſhe may be reſtrained in caſe her husband vtterly refuſe to giuegive conſent, we ſhall *Treat. 3. §. 23. 33.hereafter declare in the particular duties of wiues: the point here noted is, that both the huſband himſelfe muſt according to his abilitie be bountifull to the poore, and ſuffer his wife, yea prouoke her ſo to be, and withall allow her wherewithall to be bountifull: and that the wife alſo muſt ſtirre vp her husband to liberalitie in this reſpect, and her ſelfe open her hand to the poore in the things which lawfully ſhe may giuegive.

There is nothing wherby a man or wife can bring more profit to the houſe, then by giuing to the poore: that which is giuen to the poore is eProu. 19. 17.lent to the Lord, and he will repay it with great increaſe: it is as f2 Cor. 9. 6.ſeed, which being liberally ſowen, will bring forth a plentifull harueſt: yea, it is a meanes to make vsus gLuke 16. 9.friends, to ſpeake a good word for vsus at the barre of Chriſts iudgement ſeat: and it bringeth not only the hIob 29. 13. & 31. 20.bleſſing of men, but iMatth. 5. 7.of God alſo, euen the greateſt bleſsing of all, the kMat. 25. 34.bleſsing of eternall life: for it is lHeb. 13. 16.a ſacrifice with which God is well pleaſed. The Apoſtle noteth this to be one of Chriſts oracles, which by word of mouth he left vntounto his Diſciples, mActs 20. 35.It is more bleſſed to giuegive then to receiue.

Beſides, husbands and wiues in diſtributing almes, may receiue 2. Husband and wife in place to giuegive good direction one to another.good direction one from another: the husband by telling the wife who are fit to be releeued (for commonly huſbands better know thoſe which are abroad out of the family) the wife by telling the husband what things are fitteſt to be giuen away: for wiues commonly know of what things there is greateſt ſtore, and what may in the houſe be beſt ſpared.

§. 45. Of husbands and wiues vnmercifulneſſe to the poore.

Contrarie is the vnmercifulneſſe of many husbands, who Vices contrarie.are not only hard-hearted themſelues (neuer giuing any thing vnleſſe by the law of the land they be forced, & then they part 1. Vnmercifulneſſe of the husband.with that which is giuen, ſo grudgingly, as it is nothing at all acceptable to God (for n2 Cor. 9. 7.God loueth a cheerfull giuer) but alſo tie their wiues hands, and ſuffer them to giuegive nothing. Wherein 2. Binding his wiues hands.they bring both the cry of the poore, and alſo the groanes and griefe of a mercifull wife who is thus reſtrained, vponupon their owne necks, and aggrauate their ſinne in an high degree.

On the other ſide, the vnmercifulneſſe of many wiues is alſo contrarie to the forenamed dutie: for there are many, who though they hauehave libertie to giuegive of the common goods, and alſo allowance of their owne out of which they may giuegive, yet couetouſly hoord vp all they can get, giuegive not a pennies worth, out rather ſuffer victuals and other things to periſh in the houſe, and when they are naught to fling them away, then that any thing whilſt it is good ſhould be giuen out of the houſe. Shall not the creatures which are ſpoiled in an houſe, and the poore that hauehave wanted, make a loud crie in the eares Read Iam. 5. 1, 2. &c.of the Lord againſt them? Yea further, many wiues are grieued at their husbands bountie, and ſtill mouing him to ſhut his hand, and giuegive no more. Are they not plaine deuils herein, oppoſing againſt that which is good?

Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 2 – Treatise 3

p. 213The ſecond Treatiſe. PART. II. Of common-mutuall duties betwixt Man and Wife.