Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 2
The ſecond Treatiſe. PART I. Of Husband and Wife, who are ſo to be accounted.
§. 1. Of thoſe who may ſeeke to be maried.
HAuing in the former treatiſe laid downe the foundation of all domeſticall duties, by expounding the words of the Apoſtle, I purpoſe now diſtinctly to lay them forth in order: beginning with the firſt and chiefeſt couple in the family, Man and Wife.
Here we are firſt to ſpeake of the perſons who are to be accounted true and lawfull husband and wife: and then of the duties which they owe each to other.
So as this Treatiſe conſiſteth of two parts.
1. The firſt declareth, who are man and wife.
2. The ſecond noteth out thoſe common mutuall duties which they owe one to another. Firſt of the firſt.
Husband and wife are they who are rightly ioyned together Who are husband and wife.by the bond of mariage. *See Treat. 1. §. 82. & 84.Whereby two are made one fleſh.
For the better cleering of this point, we will conſider both the parties that may be ſo nearely ioyned together, and alſo the manner how they are rightly ioyned in ſo firme an vnity.
About the parties we are to ſearch,
1. Who may ſeeke a mate for mariage.
2. What kinde of mate is to be taken.
1. All they who are able without ineuitable danger to their Who may marie.yoake fellow to performe the eſſentiall duties of mariage, may be maried.
Out of this propoſition ariſe three queſtions to be diſcuſſed.
1. Who are to be accounted able?
2. What danger is ineuitable?
3. Whether mariage be free for all but ſuch?
§. 2. Of ripeneſſe of yeares in them that are to be maried.
1. They are to be accounted able who hauehave *Ephebi. Vt iuſtas nuptias contrahant, ſint maſculi puberes, foeminae viripotentes. Iuſtin. Inſtit. l. 1. tit. 10.paſt the floure of their age, and are not by defect of nature, or any other occaſion made impotent.
1. Ripeneſſe of yeares is abſolutely neceſſary for conſummating a iuſt and lawfull mariage: wherefore as God at firſt, made Adam of full age, ſo when he ſought out a wife for him, he made her of full age too: he made her a woman, not a childe. Gen. 2. 22. 1 Cor. 7. 36.Where the Apoſtle aduiſeth parents to take care for the mariage of their children, he putteth in this prouiſo, if they paſſe the floure of their age. Child-hood is counted the floure of age. While the floure of the plant ſprouteth, the ſeed is greene, vnfit to be ſowen.
Queſt. How long laſteth the floure of age?
Anſw. aIuſtin. Inſtit. l. 1. tit. 22. Second part of Reports of Caſes. 35. Hen. 6. fol. 41. b.The ciuill law, and common law alſo, ſet downe twelue yeares for the floure of a females age, and foureteene, of a males; which is the leaſt: for before thoſe yeares they can hauehave no need of mariage, nor yet are well fit for mariage, ſo as if they forbeare ſome yeares longer, it will be much better for the parties themſelues that marie, *Eſt invenum coniugium incommodum liberorum procreationi. Cum enim in omnibus animantibus imperfecti ſunt iuniorum partus, ac multo etiam magis foeminarum, id etiam fiat in hominibus neceſſe eſt. Ariſt. Pol. lib. 7.for the children which they bring forth, for the family whereof they are the head, and for the common wealth whereof they are members. Note the ages of the Kings of Iſrael and Iudah when they were firſt maried, and we ſhall finde few of them to be vnderunder twenty, and thoſe few, not aboue one or two yeares vnderunder: and yet of all ſorts of people the Kings did vſe to marie the ſooneſt, that ſo they might hauehave heires betimes.
Obiect. b1 Chr. 22. 5. & 29. 1.Salomon was but a childe when he came to the crowne, and yet c2 Chro. 12. 13.he had then a childe of a yeare old at leaſt.
Anſw. He was ſaid to be a childe not ſimply, but comparatiuely, d1 King. 2. 22.in relation to his other brothers which were elder then he, & e& 3. 7.in regard of that great worke he was to vndertake. In the time of his reign he is ſaidto be f1 King. 11. 4.old: which could not be if he had beene in yeares a childe when he began to reigne: for he reigned but fortie yeares.
2. Obiect. Ahaz was but twentie yeare old when he began to reigne, and reigned but ſixteene yeares, and yet when he died Hezekiah his ſonne was fiue and twentie yeare old, 2 Chro. 28. 1. & 29. 1.by which computation Ahaz had a childe when he was but eleuen, or twelue yeare old at moſt.
1. Anſw. Some ſay that this was extraordinary, and render this reaſon, Ahaz ſo young a father as Elizabet an old mother, Broughton in his Concent of Script.ſhould hauehave hoped in Emmanuel of a virgin.
2. Anſw. The beginning of that reigne when Ahaz was but twentie yeare old, is to be referred to Iotham his father; for Ahaz was twentie yeare old when he (namely Iotham) began to reigne: as m2 Chro. 36. 9.Iehoiachin was eight yeare old, when he (namely his father Iehoiachim) began to reigne: for Iehoiachin was n2 King. 24. 8.eighteene, when he himſelfe began to reigne.
Obiect. Iotham was but o2 Chro. 27. 1.twentie and fiue yeare old when he began to reigne, how then could Ahaz his ſonne at that time be twentie?
Anſw. Iotham was fiue and twentie yeare old when his father Vzziah was ſtrucke with leproſie, from which time he 2 Chro. 26. 21.reigned as King euen in his fathers life time. But after his father was dead, the kingdome was eſtabliſhed to him alone Parents ſinne in marying children vnderunder age.after a more ſolemne manner; in which reſpect it is ſaid that then he began to reigne: and then was his ſonne Ahaz twentie yeare old, Iotham himſelfe being about fortie.
Contrarie to the forenamed fitneſſe of age is the practiſe of Puella dum ei aetas matura non eſt, nulli dari vel promitti debet. Aug. epiſt. 233. Matrimonium contractum verum non eſt ſi impubes fuerit qui contraxit. Azpilcuet. Conſil. & reſp. l. 4. de ſponſ. Conſ. 8.ſuch parents, or other friends of children, as make matches for them in their child-hood, and moue them to conſent, and ſo cauſe them to be maried: ſuch mariages are mock-mariages, and meere nullities. For children cannot know what appertaineth to mariage, much leſſe can they performe that which is required of maried perſons: their conſent therefore is iuſtly accounted no conſent, vnleſſe they doe ratifie it after they come to yeares.
§. 3. Of impotent perſons that ought not to ſeeke after mariage.
2. They are to be accounted impotent, and in that reſpect vnable to performe the eſſentiall duties of mariage, who (to vſe the Scripture phraſe) were borne Eunuchs from their mothers Mat. 19. 12.wombe: or by any accidentall occaſion are ſo made: as they who are defectiue, or cloſed in their ſecret parts: or taken with an incurable palſie: or poſſeſſed with frigidity, or any other ſuch like impediment.
Theſe ought not to ſeeke after mariage: for by thoſe ſignes of impotencie God ſheweth that he calleth them to liue ſingle.
Contrarie to this manifeſtation of Gods will doe they ſinne, A ſinne to conceale any impotencie.who conceale their impotencie and ioyne themſelues in marriage, whereby they fruſtrate one maine end of mariage, which is procreation of children; and doe that wrong to the partie whom they marie, as ſufficient ſatisfaction can neuer be made.
§. 4. Of barrenneſſe, that it hindereth not mariage.
Queſt. Are ſuch as are barren to be ranked among thoſe impotent perſons?
Anſw. No, there is great difference betwixt impotencie and barrenneſſe.
1. Impotencie may by outward ſenſible ſignes be knowne Sterilem coniugem fas non eſt relinquere. Aug. de Nup. lib. 1. cap. 10.and diſcerned, barrenneſſe cannot: it is not diſcerned but by want of child-bearing.
2. Impotent perſons cannot yeeld due beneuolence: but ſuch as are barren may.
3. Impotencie is incurable: but barrenneſſe is not ſimply ſo. Many after they hauehave beene a long while barren hauehave become fruitfull: and that not only by an extraordinary worke of God aboue the courſe of nature (as bGen. 18. 11.Sarah and cLuk. 1. 7.Elizabeth, with whom by reaſon of age it ceaſed to be after the manner of women) but alſo by ſuch a bleſſing as might ſtand with the courſe of nature, being obtained by praier (as dGen. 25. 21.Rebeckah and e1 Sam. 1. 5, 20.Annah) whereof daily experience giueth good euidence: for many after 10, 15, 20, and more yeares barrenneſſe hauehave brought forth children.
On theſe grounds many Saints, who hauehave beene barren, hauehave maried, and their practiſe therein not diſallowed, nor their mariage diſſolued. fTantum valet ſociale vinculū coniugum, vt cùm cauſa procreandi colligitur, nec ipſa cauſa procreandi ſoluetur. Aug. de bon. Coniug. cap. 7.For though procreation of children be one end of mariage, yet is it not the only end: and ſo inuiolable is the mariage bond, that though it be made for childrens ſake, yet for want of children it may not be broken.
§. 5. Of that ineuitable danger which hindereth mariage.
3. They who are infected with ſuch contagious diſeaſes, as diffuſe themſelues into thoſe who hauehave ſocietie with them, and infect them alſo, ought not to ſeeke after mariage: for that cannot but turne to the danger of the partie with whom they marie. It was for mutuall good one of another Gen. 2. 18.that God ordained the law of mariage; to vſe it to the hurt and danger of one another, is againſt the maine end of the firſt inſtitution.
The law of ſhutting vp a leper from all ſocietie with men proueth as much; for if lepers might not hauehave mutuall ſociety 2 Chro. 26. 21.with any man, much leſſe might they hauehave matrimoniall ſocietie with a wife or an husband.
By contagious diſeaſes not only both the parties which company together will be infected, but alſo their iſſue: whereby their diſeaſe which otherwiſe might die with themſelues, is propagated to their poſterity. A like reſtraint may be applied to ſuch foule and loathſome diſeaſes, as make the company and ſociety of that perſon, who is infected therewith, irkcſome, and odious to their companion.
Contrarie to the end and vſe of mariage doe they ſinne, A ſinne to conceale a contagious diſeaſe.who conceale ſuch diſeaſes, and ſo ioyne themſelues in mariage, to the vnanſwerable preiudice of the partie whom they marrie.
§. 6. Of the lawfulneſſe of mariage to all ſorts of perſons.
Where there is no ſuch iuſt impediment as hath beene before mentioned, it is lawfull for all ſorts of people of what foreign.calling or condition ſoeuer to marrie. For Mariage is honourable Heb. 13. 4.in all, or among all, namely in, or among all ſorts of people: whereupon it is accounted a Doctrine of deuils to forbid 1 Tim. 4. 1, 3.to marrie. For it is a Doctrine contrarie to Gods word, and a Doctrine that cauſeth much inward burning, and outward pollution, and ſo maketh their bodies, which ſhould be temples of the holy Ghoſt, to be ſties of the deuils.
The diſeaſe, for the redreſſing whereof mariage is ſanctified, is a common diſeaſe which hath infected all ſorts of people: why then ſhall not the remedy be as common?
In this caſe the Apoſtle ſaith indefinitly of all, without exception of any, to auoid fornication let eueryevery man hauehave his owne 1 Cor. 7. 2, 9.wife, and let euerie woman hauehave her owne husband. And againe, If they cannot containe let them marie: for it is better to marie then to burne.
Obiect. aMat. 19. 12.There be Eunuchs which hauehave made themſelues Eunuchs (that is, hauehave abſtained from mariage and liued in a ſingle A deuilliſh doctrine to forbid mariage.life continently) for the kingdome of heauens ſake.
Anſw. That is ſpoken of ſome particular perſons to whom the gift of continency was giuen: not of any diſtinct conditions, and callings, as if all and euerie one of this or that calling had ſo done or were able ſo to doe: whereupon Chriſt addeth this clauſe, He that is able to receiue it, let him receiue it, and the Apoſtle to the ſame purpoſe ſaith, b1 Cor. 7. 7.eueryevery one hath his proper gift of God.
Contrarie to this neceſſarie and warrantable libertie, is the impure and tyrannicall reſtraint of the Church of Rome, whereby all that enter into any of their holy orders, are kept from mariage.
Doe they not herein cAct. 15. 10.tempt God by putting a yoke vponupon mens necks, which neither our fathers nor we are able to beare? dUide Chryſoſt. hom. 4. in Iſay 6.No ſuch reſtraint was euer enioyned by Gods word to any of thoſe holy functions which he ordained: for vnderunder the Law it was lawfull for high Prieſts, ordinarie Prieſts, all ſorts of Leuites, and extraordinarie Prophets, to marie: and vnderunder the Goſpell, for eOmnes Apoſtoli exceptis Iohanne & Paulo vxores habuerunt. Ambr. in 2 Cor. 11.Apoſtles, Biſhops, Deacons, and all Miniſters of the word. *Tolle de Eccleſia honorabile connubium, nonne reples eam concubinarijs inceſluoſis, ſeminifluis mollibus, maſculorum concubitoribus, & omni denique genere immundorum? Bernard. in Cant. Serm. 66. vide Bernard. de Conuerſ. ad …ler. cap. 29.Fearefull hauehave beene the effects of this Diabolicall doctrine: as fornication, adulterie, inceſt, Sodomie, buggerie, and what not? Many wiues put from their husbands, becauſe their husbands were Miniſters, and many Miniſters put from their calling becauſe they had wiues: many children by this meanes baſely borne, and among them many in their infancie cruelly murthered. fHuldricus, ſeu vt alij, Voluſianus in Epiſt. ad Nichol. Pap.Six thouſand heads of infants were found in the ponds of a religious houſe. How many more thouſands hauehave beene from time to time caſt into other ponds, or buried in gardens, or other places, or other wayes conueyed out of ſight? Deuilliſh muſt that doctrine needs be, which hath ſuch deuilliſh effects. gVtinam qui continere non valent perfectionem temerariè profiteri, aut coelebatui dare nomina vererentur. Sumptuoſa ſiquidem turris eſt, & verbum grande, quod non omnes capere poſſunt. Bernard. de Conuerſ. ad Cler. ſerm. 29.Well did he wiſh, that wiſhed that all they who cannot containe, would take heed how they doe raſhly profeſſe perfection, and vow virginitie.
§. 7. Of the things which are abſolutely neceſſarie to make a perſon fit for mariage.
They who hauehave power to marie muſt be carefull in chuſing an helpe meet for them: for aGen. 2. 18. Neceſſarie for the eſſence of mariage.this was Gods care when firſt he inſtituted mariage. To make an helpe meet for mariage, ſome things are abſolutely neceſſary for the very eſſence or being of mariage; others, neceſſarie for the comfort and happineſſe of mariage.
In regard of the former ſort, there muſt be choſen,
1. One of the ſame kinde or nature: for among all the creatures which were made, bGen. 2. 20. Buggerie.there was not found an helpe meet for man: therefore God out of his bone and fleſh made a woman of his 1. Perſons of the ſame kind.owne nature and kinde.
Contrarie to this is the deteſtable ſinne of buggerie with beaſts, expreſly forbidden by the *Leu. 18. 23.law. A ſinne more then beaſtly: for the bruit beaſts content themſelues with their owne kinde: Monſtrous it is in the kinde thereof: and a cauſe of abominable monſters. cVide Aug. de Ciuit. Dei lib. 15. cap. 23. & Lud. Uivem in eundem de Incubis, & Succubis.Contrary alſo is that copulation which witches hauehave with deuils: then which none more vnnaturall, none more prodigious and odious.
2. One of the contrarie ſex: the male muſt chooſe a female: the female a male. Thus God hauing made Adam a male, 2. Perſons of diuers ſexes. Maritalis copula requirit ſexuum aptitudinem. Bern. in Cant. ſerm. 66. Vnnaturall commixtions. Rom. 1. 25, 26.made Eue a female, and ioyned them in mariage. A coniunction of theſe different ſexes is only fit for increaſe of mankinde, and other mariage duties.
Contrarie are thoſe vnnaturall commixtions of parties of the ſame ſex: which the Apoſtlereckoneth vp as iudgements inflicted on the heathen, becauſe they changed the truth of God into a lie, and worſhipped, and ſerued the creature more then the Creator.
3. One beyond thoſe degrees of conſanguinitie and affinitie which 3Perſons without the degrees of conſanguinity.are forbidden by the law of God: theſe degrees are expreſſed by Moſes Leuit. 18. 6, 7, &c. and explained in a table of the degrees of conſanguinitie and affinitie within which none may mary, appointed to be hung vp in eueryevery Church.
Contrary is inceſt, a ſinne not only forbidden by Gods Inceſt. O mulieris ſcelus incredibile, & praeter hanc vnam in omni vita inauditū. O libidinem effrenatam & indomitam! O audaciam, ſingularem! Non timuiſſe vim deorum, hominumque famam? Vicit pudorem libido, timorem audacia, rationem amentia. Cic. pro. A. Cluent.word, but ſo horrible euen to the heathen as (to vſe the Apoſtles words, 1 Cor. 5. 1.) it is not ſo much as named among the Gentiles. Excellently is that cenſure verified by the heathen Orators patheticall exclamation againſt one Saſſia who maried her ſonne in law, in theſe words: O incredible wickedneſſe of a woman, not heard of in any age but this! O vnbridled and vntamed luſt! O ſingular boldneſſe! Not to feare the power of God, and fame of men! &c. Luſt, impudencie, madneſſe, ouercame ſhame, feare, and reaſon.
What may we now thinke of the diſpenſations which the Pope giueth for inceſtuous mariages, allowed vntounto great Princes euen by the *§. 24. cap. 5.Tridentine councell? doth he not herein ſhew himſelfe to be that man of ſinne, who oppoſeth and exalteth himſelfe aboue all that is called God?
4. One that is free: nor maried, nor betrothed to another: the law of mariage noteth thus much in this clauſe, aMat. 19. 5.They two ſhall be one fleſh. And in that bDeut. 22. 22, 23, 24.the law inflicteth the ſame puniſhment 2 Theſ. 2. 3, 4. 4. Perſons that are free.vponupon the perſon which being betrothed committeth vncleanneſſe, that it doth vponupon a maried perſon, it is euident that it is vnlawfull to marie one betrothed to another, as well as one maried to another. So firme is a contract, as the law calleth a betrothed maid, a wife: and a betrothed maid might not be put away without a bill of diuorce.
Contrary is Bigamy, and Polygamy, whereof cTreat. 1. §. 83.before: vntounto which head may be referred mariages with ſuch as hauehave beene eſpouſed to others before. Theſe are vtterly vnlawfull.
§. 8. Of the lawfulneſſe of other mariages after one of the maried couple is dead.
1. Queſt. Are they who hauehave buried their husband or wife ſo free, as they may marie againe?
Anſw. Yea, as free as they who were neuer before maried. The law doth not only permit a widow to marie againe: but Deut. 25. 5, 9.if her husband died before he had any children, it commanded the next kinſman that was liuing and free to marie her, that he might raiſe vp ſeed to his brother deceaſed: which if he refuſed to doe, a penalty of ignominy was inflicted on him: the widow reiected was to looſe his ſhooe from his foot, Non concederet hoc Paulus niſi liceret. At parum dico concedit: vult quo que . Volo, inquit, adoleſcentiores nubere: nec dubium quin viduas dicat. Bern. ſerm. 66. in Cant.and to ſpit in his face in the preſence of the Elders. The Apoſtle expreſly ſaith that a woman, when her husband is dead, is at liberty to be maried (1. Cor. 7. 39.) yea ſpeaking of young widowes he further ſaith, I will that they marie (1. Tim. 5. 14.) This libertie which the Prophet of God, and Apoſtle of Chriſt grant to a wife, can by no ſhew of reaſon be denied to an huſband: for the bond of mariage giueth them a like power ouer one anothers body, (1 Cor. 7. 4.) and knitteth one as inuiolably as the other, (Mat. 19. 6.) Husbands therefore as well as wiues hauehave vſed this libertie, as Abraham (Gen. 25. 1.) bRom. 7. 2.The Apoſtle that giueth this libertie, rendreth a reaſon thereof, taken from the limitation of that time wherein maried perſons hauehave power one ouer another, and that is the time of this life only: For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband, ſo long as he liueth: but if the husband be dead ſhe is looſed, &c. On this ground all the *§. 24. Quid largam benedictionem nuptiarum reſtringis? Bern. loc. …itat. Dominus tot maritorum mulierem nulla ſuae ſententiae ſignificatione damnauit. Aug. de bon. Vid. c. 12.reaſons which warrant or moue ſuch as neuer were maried, to mary, may be applied to them that by death hauehave their yoake-fellow taken from them.
2. Queſt. May this libertie be extended any further then to a ſecond mariage?
Anſw. We finde no reſtraint from a third, or fourth, or more mariages, if by the diuine prouidence ſo many wiues, or huſbands one after another be taken away while there is need for the ſuruiuing partie to vſe the benefit of mariage. The woman of Samaria that had fiue husbands one after another, is not blamed for being maried to ſo many, but for liuing with one (after the other were dead) that was not her husband, (Ioh. 4. 18 Neither did the Lord condemne that woman which was ſaid to hauehave ſeuen husbands one after another, (Mat. 22. 25, &c.)
Contrarie is the opinion of aSecundas nuptias pro fornicationibus habent. Aug. de haer. §. 26.Montaniſts, and Cataphryges, ancient heretiques that accounted thoſe mariages which the ſuruiuor made after the death of a yoke-fellow, to be adulterous: with which hereſie bTertullianus factus eſt haereticus quia tranſiens ad Cataphryges cepit ſecundas ruptias …nquam …upra damnare. Ibid. §. 86.Tertullian an ancient and learned father was ſo farre infected, as he wrote a treatiſe in defence thereof. It ſeemeth by their arguments that one maine ground of their error was a miſinterpretation of thoſe Scriptures which forbid men to hauehave two wiues at once, and women to hauehave two husbands at once, as, Two ſhall be one fleſh, Gen. 2. 24. A Biſhop and a Deacon muſt be the husband of one wife, 1 Tim. 2. 2, 10. Let a widow be taken that hath beene the wife of one husband, 1 Tim. 5. 9. Theſe are indeed expreſſe texts againſt ſuch Digamiſts, and Polygamiſts as hauehave beene deſcribed *Treat. 1 §. 83before: but they make no more againſt ſecond or other after-mariages one mate being dead, then againſt firſt mariages. Into the roll of theſe heretiques may they be put, who denie ſuch after mariages to any kinde of Miniſters. So doe our aduerſaries: they Miniſterijs minorum ordinum exercendis ſuffici poſſunt coniugati, dummodo non bigami. Concil. Trid. §. 23. c. 17. Vide Bellarm. de Cler. l. 1. c. 23.exclude ſuch as are maried againe after one wife is dead from ſuch functions of inferiour orders, as they admit thoſe who are but once maried vntounto. They alleage many of thoſe Scriptures which Montaniſts doe (as 1 Tim. 2. 2, 10. and 5. 9) which ſheweth that they are infected with the ſame hereſie, though they pretend to renounce it.
§. 9. Of equalitie in yeeres betwixt husband and wife.
That matrimoniall ſocietie may proue comfortable, it is requiſite Acqualē ducito Pittaci dictum. Sivis nubere, nube pari. Ouid. 1. Equalitie in age.that there ſhould be ſome equalitie betwixt the parties that are maried in Age, Eſtate, Condition, Pietie.
1. For Age, as the partie that ſeeketh a mate muſt be of ripe yeeres, fit to giuegive conſent, and able to performe mariage duties, ſo the mate which is taken muſt be ſomewhat anſwerable foreign. Ariſt. Eth. l. 8. c. 12. Luk. 1. 7.in age: if one young, both young: if one of middle age, both ſo: if one growne to yeeres, the other alſo. It is noted of Zacharie and Elizabeth, that both were well ſtriken in yeeres. If both were old together, then both alſo were young together. Equalitie in yeeres maketh maried perſons more fit for procreation of children, for a mutuall performance of mariage duties each to other, and for making their companie and ſocietie eueryevery way more happie.
This equalitie is not ouer ſtrictly to be taken, as if the maried couple were to be iuſt of the ſame age, but only for ſome anſwerableneſſe in yeeres: which may be though there be a diſparitie Moſt meet that husbands be elder then wiues.of fiue or ten, or ſomewhat more yeeres: eſpecially if the exceſſe of yeeres be on the husbands part: for beſides that according to the ordinarie courſe of nature a mans ſtrength and vigour laſteth longer then a womans, it is very meet that the husband ſhould be ſome what elder then his wife, becauſe he is an head, a gouernour, a protector of his wife. The Scripture noteth many husbands to be elder then their wiues (as Abraham was tenne yeeres elder then Sarah; and if we Gen. 17. 17.narrowly marke the circumſtances of the hiſtories of Iſaac and Iacob, and their wiues, we ſhall finde that the husbands were elder then their wiues) To my remembrance an approued example of an husband younger then his wife cannot be giuen out of Scripture.
Contrary to this equalitie in yeeres, is the practiſe of many Vnmeet for aged perſons to mary young ones.men and women, who being aged, to ſatisfie their luſt, or for ſome other by-reſpect, mary ſuch as are but in the floure of their age, wherein they doe many times much faile of their expectation: for thoſe young ones finding the ſocietie of aged folkes to be burdenſome, and irkſome vntounto them, ſoone begin to loath the ſame, and thereby cauſe more griefe and vexation, then euer they did giuegive comfort and contentment.
On the other ſide, others there be who in the prime and Vnmeet for young perſons to mary aged.ſtrength of their age, for wealth, honour, or ſuch like reſpects, mary thoſe that with age begin to be decrepit, and vnfit to be maried, hoping that they will not long liue, but that with a little trouble they ſhall purchaſe much dignitie or riches, & after a while be free againe. But God oft meeteth with ſuch in their kinde, by prolonging the life of thoſe aged perſons, and ſo making the burden to be much more grieuous and tedious then was imagined, and by taking away thoſe young ones ſooner then they looked for, whereby it commeth to paſſe that all their hopes periſh. *Ne diſcrepent aetates ſic vt vir ſuſcipere liberos poſſit; mulier non poſſit; aut haec poſſit, ille non poſſit. Ex his enim ſeditiones, diſcordiae que , &c. Ariſt. Pol. lib. 7.The heathen obſerued inequalitie in yeeres to be occaſions of many miſchiefes, and thereupon preſcribed rules againſt it.
§. 10. Of equalitie in eſtat… and condition betwixt thoſe that are to be maried together.
2. Some equalitie in outward eſtate and wealth is alſo befitting 2Equalitie in eſtate. Premitur magno coniuge nupta minor. Ouid. epiſt. 9.the parties that are to be maried together, leſt the diſparitie therein (eſpecially if it be ouer-great) make the one …nſult ouer the other more then is meet: for if a man of great wealth be maried to a poore woman, he will thinke to make her as his maid-ſeruant, and expect that ſhe ſhould carrie her ſelfe towards him ſo as beſeemeth not a yoake-fellow, and a bedfellow: ſo as ſuch an one may rather be ſaid to be brought vntounto bondage, then mariage. And if a rich woman mary a poore man, ſhe will looke to be the maſter, and to rule him: ſo as the order which God hath eſtabliſhed will be cleane peruerted: and the honour of mariage laid in the duſt. For where no order is, there can be no honour.
3. The like may be ſaid of outward condition, that therein 33. Equalitie in condition. Eas vxores quas inferioris gradus homines ducant, hi qui altioris dignitatis ſunt ducere legibus propter dignitatem prohibentur.alſo there be ſome equalitie: that Princes, Nobles, and Gentlemen, mary ſuch as are of their owne ranke: and the meaner ſort ſuch as are of their degree. Note what ſort of wiues Abraham, Iſaac, and Iaacob maried, and it will appeare that they had reſpect to this paritie. Diſparitie in condition as well as in eſtate, is a meanes to make men and women ſwell and inſult aboue that which is meet: yea and to twit one another in the teeth with their former eſtate and condition.
Contrary on the one ſide are the practiſes of ſuch as affect Digeſt. lib. 23. cap. 2. §. 49. A fault to affect to mary a perſon much aboue ones ranke. Qui longè praeſtantiores ſe ducunt, non coniugum viri, ſed ſerui fiunt dotiū. Plut. de Inſtit. liber. Pro. 14. 1. and 12. 4.to mary aboue their owne eſtate and degree: thinking by ſuch mariages to aduance themſelues. This is the only thing which many ſeeke after in ſeeking wiues and husbands; whereby it commeth to paſſe that they oft meet with the worſt matches, and make their mariage a kinde of bondage vntounto them. Great portions make many women proud, daintie, lauiſh, idle, and careleſſe; a man were much better, euen for helpe of his outward eſtate, to mary a prudent, ſober, thriftie, carefull, diligent wife, though with a ſmall portion, then ſuch an one. A proud backe, a daintie tooth, and a lauiſh hand will ſoone conſume a great portion; but a wiſe woman buildeth her houſe: and a vertuous woman is a crowne to her husband. Many wiues alſo that are maried to very rich husbands, are more ſtinted and pinched in their allowance, then ſuch as are maried to men of meaner eſtate. It is not the meanes which a man hath, but his minde and diſpoſition that maketh him free and bountifull to his wife.
Contrarie are the mariages which men of great authoritie A fault to mary a perſon much vnderunder ones ranke.and abilitie make with meane women, yea their owne maids many times, and thoſe of the loweſt ranke, their kitchinmaids. page missing parties part that is to be maried: and then if that partie be vnderunder the gouernment of parents, the matter muſt be moued to them, before there be any further proceeding therein, as Sampſon who ſeeing and liking a daughter of the Philiſtims, Judg. 14. 2.told his father and his mother thereof. Yea though the partie be not vnderunder the gouernment of any, yet it is very meet that counſell be taken of wiſe and vnderſtanding friends: that in a matter ſo weightie as mariage is, there may be the aduice of more heads then one, for the preuenting of ſuch miſchiefes as through raſhneſſe might fall out. After a liking is thus taken by one partie of a meet mate, that liking muſt be moued to the other partie ſo liked, to know whether there be a reciprocall affection of one towards another. Thus Sampſon went and Iudg. 14. 7.talked with that woman whom he liked to be his wife. If at firſt there be a good liking mutually and thorowly ſetled in both their hearts of one another, louelove is like to continue in them for euer, as things which are well glued, and ſetled before they be ſhaken vp and downe, will neuer be ſeuered aſunder: but if they be ioyned together without glue, or ſhaken while the glue is moiſt, they cannot remaine firme.
Mutuall louelove and good liking of each other is as glue.
Let the parties to be maried be herein well ſetled before they come to meet with trials through cohabitation, and that louelove will not eaſily be looſened by any trials.
Contrarie is the adulterous and brutiſh practiſe of ſuch as Too eager and haſty purſuing after mariage, a brutiſh thing.ſo ſoone as they caſt their eie on any whom they like, neuer aduiſe or conſult about a right and due proceeding vntounto mariage, but inſtantly with all the eagerneſſe and ſpeed they can, like brute beaſts, ſeeke to hauehave their deſire and luſt ſatisfied. Though to keepe themſelues free from the penalty of the lawes vnderunder which they liue, they procure meanes to be maried, yet they declare a luſtfull and adulterous minde. And their practiſe is too like to the practiſe of the Beniamits, who catcht wiues from among the daughters of Shiloh as they were dancing: or elſe to the practiſe of the old world, which ſo grieued the Spirit of God, that it repented him that he had Iudg. 21. 23.made man, and thereupon he was moued to bring a generall deluge on the whole world. Their practiſe was this, that they tooke them wiues of all that they choſe: that is, they raſhly and Gen. 6. 2.ſuddenly maried whomſoeuer they liked, without any conſideration of their condition.
§. 14. Of a contract what it is?
II. When both parties hauehave manifeſted a mutuall liking Ubi non eſt conſenſus vtriuſque, non poteſt eſſe matrimonium. Inſtit. iur. can. lib. 2. de nupt. tit. 11.each to other, and vponupon mature deliberation and good aduice doe conceiue one to be a fit match for another, it is requiſite that a ioynt conſent and abſolute promiſe of marying one another before ſufficient witneſſes be made. This rightly made is a contract, which is the beginning of a mariage.
The right making of a firme contract conſiſteth in two things:
1. In an actuall taking of each other for eſpouſed man and wife.
2. In a direct promiſe of marying each other within a conuenient time. So as a forme of contract may be made to this purpoſe; Firſt the man taking the woman by the hand to ſay, I A. take thee B. to my eſpouſed wife, and doe faithfully promiſe to marie thee in time meet and conuenient. And then the woman againe taking the man by the hand to ſay, I B. take thee A. to my eſpouſed husband, and doe faithfully promiſe to yeeld to be maried to thee in time meet and conuenient. This mutuall and actuall taking of one another for eſpouſed man and wife in the time preſent, and a direct promiſe of marying one another afterwards, ſetleth ſuch a right and property of the one in the other as cannot be alienated without licence had from the great Iudge of heauen, who hath by his diuine ordinance ſetled that right.
§. 15. Of the grounds of a contract.
Queſt. Is a contract abſolutely neceſſary?
Anſw. Though it hauehave beene an ancient cuſtome continued Mos ille vete ribus erat ante multum tempus ſponſalia facere. Chryſ. in Gen. Hom. 43.in all ages, yet I dare not pronounce it to be ſo abſolutely neceſſary, as the want thereof ſhould nullifie a mariage, and make it to be no lawfull mariage. But ſurely it is ſo meet and requiſite, as I would aduiſe all Chriſtians that deſire a bleſſing and good ſucceſſe on their mariage to be contracted before they are maried.
If there were no other ground for it but this, that God hath ſanctified it, and commended it vntounto vsus by his word, it were enough to perſwade ſuch as feare God to vſe it.
For I demand, why doth God commend vntounto his Church any thing by his word, but that his Church ſhould make conſcience of vſing it? Now that by Gods word it is commended, is without contradiction moſt euident. For, not to inſiſt on that argument which, not without good probability, is alleaged for the antiquity of a contract, and thus collected from Gods ordering of that firſt ancient mariage betwixt Adam and Gen. 2. 22.Euah, God brought Euah to Adam on the firſt day that they were created to ſee how he would like her, and vponupon the ſight of her, and notice which withall he had of her, by that wiſdome which God gaue him, he then tooke her to himſelfe: which taking is ſuppoſed to be but a contract, becauſe aGen. 4. 1.he did not know her till after his fall. If it be obiected that Adam and Euah are called bGen. 2. 25.man and wife in the time of their innocencie. It may bee anſwered that thoſe titles *Deut. 22. 24. Gen. 19. 14. Conſuetudine Scripturarum ſponſi viri, & ſponſae vocantur vxores. Hier. in Mat. 1.are in Scripture giuen to ſuch as are only contracted, to ſhew the neere and firme coniunction betwixt parties eſpouſed.
But not to inſiſt on that which is but probable, it is more then probable that Lots daughters were contracted: for it is ſaid that dGen. 19. 14, 8. Quia iam deſponſatio facta erat, ideo vocat eos generos. Chryſ. in hunc loc.Lot had ſonnes in law which maried (or rather ſhould marie) his daughters: and withall it is ſaid that they had not knowne man: now then it muſt needs follow that they were called Lots ſonnes in law becauſe his daughters were eſpouſed to them. But moſt euident for this purpoſe is that difference which the eDeut. 22. 22, &c.law putteth betwixt a pure virgin, an eſpouſed maid, and a maried wife. So as contracted perſons are in a middle degree betwixt ſingle perſons, and maried perſons: they are neither ſimply ſingle, nor actually maried. To ſhew that this cuſtome of a contract before mariage continued in Gods Church among the Saints, it is expreſly noted that Marie the mother of the Lord Luk. 1. 27.Ieſus who liued many hundred yeares after that law, was contracted.
§. 16. Of the reaſons which ſhew how requiſite a contract is.
Many good and weightie reaſons may be alledged to ſhew how requiſite it is that a contract ſhould go before mariage. For
1. It addeth much to the honour of mariage, that it ſhould be deliberatly and aduiſedly ſtep after ſtep, by one degree after another conſummated and made vp.
2. It putteth a difference betwixt ſuch as intend mariage in the feare of the Lord, for ſuch holy ends as are warranted in the word, and ſuch as intend it only to ſatisfie their luſt, or for other like carnall ends. For theſe can admit no delay, as was noted *In the end of §. 13.before. But they that vſe this ſolemne preparation by a contract before mariage, ſhew that they deſire to hauehave all things fit for ſo ſacred a matter duly performed; and therefore they are content to make ſome ſtay for the better effecting thereof.
3. It is a meanes of knitting the hearts of the two parties to be maried more firmely and inuiolably together before they come to dwell together. For a contract being the beginning of a mariage, it is an euident demonſtration of Gods counſell concerning the parties contracted, that God hath prepared them each for other to be man and wife: ſo as after the contract is made, they may ſimply and abſolutely pray each for other, that God would bleſſe them one to another, to liue comfortably and happily together. Before a contract is made, they can but vponupon ſuppoſition (if God hauehave appointed them to be man and wife) pray one for another. For oft it falleth out that after many great hopes and likelihoods of proceeding in ſuch or ſuch a match, by ſome occaſion or other it is cleane broken off: but a lawfull contract knitteth ſo firme a knot as cannot be broken: ſo as a man may conclude that being contracted to a woman ſhe ſhall be his wife: and ſo may a woman conclude of a man. The conſideration hereof will further moue them more narrowly to obſerue what good qualities, or what other things, which may make them more louely one to another, are in each other.
4. It is a meanes to make them before hand prepare themſelues to perfome ſuch mariage duties as Gods word requireth of man and wife. For a contract giueth them aſſurance of mariage if they liue vntounto it: ſo as then they cannot but know that it is high time for them to thinke how they are to carrie themſelues, when they come to liue in houſe together: and withall to conſider, what croſſes ordinarily doe accompanie the maried eſtate, that they may be before hand prepared wiſely to paſſe them ouer, or patiently to vndergoe them.
5. It may be a meanes of diſcouering many hidden and cloſe inconueniences, which otherwiſe would neuer come to light. For many friends fearing leſt the diſcouering of ſome euils which are carried cloſely, ſhould make a breach betwixt themſelues and their friends, will not make them knowne till they ſee ſome vrgent neceſſitie to moue them ſo to doe. Though the euill be ſuch, as being knowne would hinder mariage, yet till they ſee ſome ſure euidence, that they ſhall indeed be maried (if no iuſt exception be put in) they will hope that ſome other occaſion may fall out to hinder the mariage, and in that reſpect conceale their exception. But becauſe a contract is the beginning of mariage, after they hauehave notice therof, they will not forbeare to diſcloſe what they know. For this end is it, that the contract is three ſeuerall times openly publiſhed in the Church, that if any doe know any iuſt cauſe why ſuch perſons as are contracted may not lawfully proceed to mariage, they make knowne the ſame. A commendable cuſtome: and great pitty, that it is ſo much neglected as it is.
6. It may preuent many plots and practiſes of inueigling, or ſtealing away maids and widowes. For it oft falleth out, that when parents or other friends hauehave prouided a good match for their daughter, or for ſome other vnderunder their gouernment, and all things on all parts well concluded, the wedding day appointed, and all things fitted and prepared for the ſolemnizing of the wedding, ſome deſirous to foreſtall that mariage, by ſecret and cunning deuices get the bride away a few daies before, if not on the very morning of the intended wedding day, and mary her out of hand to another. That which maketh men ſo bold is, that they know a clandeſtine mariage being conſummate ſhall ſtand firme in law. But a legall contract preuenteth ſuch miſchiefes, becauſe it maketh ſuch a furtiue mariage vtterly void. None therfore knowing that a contract is lawfully made before hand, will be ſo bold, or rather ſo mad, as to offer to fruſtrate a mariage after any ſuch manner.
7. It is a meanes to ſtirre vp the parties which are to be maried, more carefully and diligently to prouide all things fit for their dwelling together, and well ordering their houſhold before hand; that they be not to ſeeke for neceſſaries when they ſhould vſe them. For being contracted, they know that it cannot be long ere they muſt come to dwell together.
§. 17. Of abuſing, or neglecting a contract.
There are two extremes contrarie to the forenamed doctrine of a contract. One of attributing too much to it: another of derogating too much from it. Many make it a very mariage, and thereupon hauehave a greater ſolemnitie at their contract, then Nonnullis ſponſis tam impotens eſt ardor libidinis, vt corpuſculo puellari vim adferant. Eraſ. in Inſt. Matr.at their mariage: yea many take libertie after a contract to know their ſpouſe, as if they were maried: an unwarrantable and diſhoneſt practiſe. Lots daughters were *See §. 15.contracted to husbands, and yet they are ſaid to hauehave knowne no man. The law ſtileth her that is contracted aDeut. 22. 24.a maid, to ſhew that ſhe ought to keepe her ſelfe a virgin till the mariage be conſummate. Therefore Mary is thus deſcribed, bLuk. 1. 27.a virgin eſpouſed. But it is the common courſe of moſt to make light account of this warrantable and honourable proceeding to mariage by a contract. Few there be in compariſon of the multitudes that are maried, who make any conſcience thereof. They thinke it needleſſe, and vtterly neglect it. No maruell that they meet with many miſchiefes and inconueniences, when the meanes of preuenting the ſame are not vſed. Let ſuch duly weight the reaſons rendred in the former ſection.
§. 18. Of the diſtance of time betwixt the contract and mariage.
Quest. What diſtance of time muſt paſſe betwixt the making of a contract, and conſummating of mariage?
Anſw. This muſt be left to the wiſe conſideration of the parties contracted, and of their friends, for the ſame time cannot preciſely be preſcribed to all. Occaſions may fall out either of haſtening, or putting off the mariage. Only extremes on both ſides muſt be auoided. Neither ought the mariage be too ſuddenly ſolemnized vponupon the contract: (then the ends and reaſons of a contract, before mentioned, are made void) nor yet too long put off (then may Satan take occaſion to tempt them for their incontinencie.) The laudable cuſtome of our and other Churches ſheweth, that at leaſt three weekes muſt paſſe betwixt contract and mariage. For the contract is Rubr. before the forme of ſolemnizing of matrimony.to be three times publiſhed, and that but once a weeke before the wedding be celebrated. And we read that the virgin Mary was at leaſt three moneths contracted before Ioſeph tooke her to wife. For when the Angell firſt came to her ſhe was Luk. 1. 27. 56.eſpouſed: after that ſhe went to her coſen Elizabeth, with whom ſhe abode three moneths: and then being returned home Ioſeph was warned by an Angell to take her to wife. I Mat. 1. 20.note not this as a rule for eueryevery one preciſely to follow. For the virgin Mary had a iuſt occaſion to tarrie three moneths with her old coſen Elizabeth: and ſo may others hauehave occaſions to put off their mariages: which may be lawfull, ſo the mariage be not put off too long, and that there be a mutuall and ioynt conſent of both parties. For after the contract is made, neither the man nor the woman hauehave the power of their owne body.
Contrary is that vnwarrantable courſe which many take, to Vnlawfull for parties contracted long to abſent themſelues each from other. Deut. 24. 5.be affianced and made ſure to a wife, and then to trauell beyond ſea, or to any other place, and be abſent from their ſpouſe a yeere, or two, or three, or it may be more yeeres. If a man might not goe to warre, nor be charged with any buſineſſe that ſhould draw him from his wife the firſt yeere of his mariage, much leſſe may he abſent himſelfe for any long time after he is contracted but not maried. This may be a meanes to alienate the heart of his ſpouſe from him for euer.
§. 19. Of a religious conſecrating of mariage.
III. The laſt degree of conſummating a mariage, is the open and publike ſolemnization thereof: which conſiſteth
| 1. In a religious conſecration | thereof. |
| 2. In a ciuill celebration |
A religious conſecration of mariage is performed by the bleſſing of a publike Miniſter of the word in the open face of the Church in the day time. This of old hath beene vſed of Chriſtians, and ſtill is continued among vsus. Though we hauehave neither expreſſe precept, nor particular patterne in Gods word for this manner of ſolemnizing a mariage (for there is no particular forme thereof ſet downe in the Scripture) yet it being agreeable to the generall rules thereof, we ought in conſcience to ſubiect our ſelues thereto.
The generall rules are theſe, Let all things be done decently, 1 Cor. 14. 40.and in order. The Churches of God hauehave ſuch a cuſtome. Submit 1 Cor. 11. 16.your ſelues to eueryevery ordinance of man for the Lords ſake, with 1 Pet. 2. 13.the like. But the foreſaid manner of conſecrating mariage, is very decent and in good order, a laudable cuſtome of the Churches, and an ordinance of thoſe gouernours vnderunder whom we liue. Therefore warrantable, and to be obſerued. Neither is this order, cuſtome, and ordinance appointed without iuſt and weightie reaſons. For
1. Mariage is a kind of publike action: the well or ill ordering therof much tendeth to the good or hurt of family, Church, and common-wealth. For by mariage families are erected, and Church and common-wealth increaſed and continued.
2. dHeb. 13 4.Mariage is honourable. eTreat. 1. §. 80, 81, 82, &c.The moſt ſacred and inuiolable bond that knitteth any two perſons together.
3. Mariage is fProu. 2. 17.Gods couenant, wherein he himſelfe hath a maine and principall ſtroke. For God is the chiefeſt agent in ioyning man and woman in mariage.
On theſe grounds it hath beene thought very requiſite that mariage ſhould be ſolemnized in the day time (as a worke of light that need not be couertly and cloſely done) and that in a publike place, whether any, that will, may hauehave free acceſſe, either to except againſt it, and hinder it (if there be iuſt cauſe) or to be a witneſſe thereof, and to adde his bleſſing thereto. And among publike places the Church is thought the fitteſt, becauſe it is the houſe of praier, where perſons and actions are moſt ſolemnly bleſſed. And of all perſons a publike Miniſter is thought to be the meeteſt to celebrate mariage, and to ioyne Coniugium benedictione ſacer dotali ſanctificari oportet. Ambr. epiſt. 70.the parties to be maried, together, becauſe he ſtands in Gods roome, and in and by his miniſterie God ioyneth them together, and bleſſeth them: ſo as after the miniſter hath rightly ioyned man and wife together in matrimony, it may be well ſaid, Thoſe whom God hath ioyned together, let no man put aſunder. The forme of conſecrating mariage, which is preſcribed in our liturgie or common-prayer-booke, doth ſo diſtinctly, perſpicuouſly, and fully ſet downe whatſoeuer is to be obſerued and done by the parties to be maried, their parents, or other gouernours, and the Miniſter that ioyneth them together, that I can adde nothing thereunto. There are declared the grounds, ends, and vſes of mariage. There open proclamation is made whether any can except againſt the intended mariage. There each partie is ſolemnly charged, that if either of them doe know any impediment, why they may not lawfully be maried, to diſcloſe it. There alſo each partie is openly demanded if freely and willingly they will take one another for man and wife. There the duties of maried perſons are declared, and they ſeuerally asked whether they will ſubiect themſelues thereto or no. All which being openly profeſſed, the parent or ſome in his ſtead is called forth to giuegive the Bride to the Bridegroome. Then they two actually taking each other to be man and wife, and teſtifying the ſame by expreſſe words, and by mutuall pledges, the Miniſter in Gods name ioyneth them together, pronounceth them to be lawfull husband and wife, and by prayer craueth Gods bleſſing vponupon the action, and vponupon their perſons. Thus is the mariage conſecrated, and they two made one fleſh, that is, lawfully ioyned together by the inuiolable bond of mariage.
§. 20. Of clandeſtine mariages.
Contrary are clandeſtine mariages, ſuch as are made in priuate houſes, or other ſecret places, or in Churches without a ſufficient number of witneſſes, or in the night time, or without a lawfull Miniſter of the word, with the like. As ſuch ſeeking of ſecrecie taketh much from the honour and dignitie of mariage, ſo it implieth ſome euill cleauing thereto: For eueryevery Ioh. 3. 20.man that euill doth hateth the light. There is little hope that ſuch mariages ſhould hauehave any good ſucceſſe. For where ſuch meanes as are ſanctified for obtaining a bleſſing on mariage are neglected, what bleſſing can thereupon be expected?
§. 21. Of a ciuill celebrating of mariage.
Though vponupon the forenamed conſecrating of mariage it be in regard of the ſubſtance thereof fully conſummate, yet for the greater ſolemnity of ſo honourable a thing, it is very requiſite that further there be added a ciuill celebration of it: vnderunder Magnifico conuiuio nuptiae celebrantur: laeta omnia, munera ſponſalia, &c. Greg. Naz. ad Vital. vide plura ibid. de coniugij ſolennitate. Mariage a time of reioycing.which I compriſe all thoſe lawfull cuſtomes that are vſed for the ſetting forth of the outward ſolemnitie thereof, as meeting of friends, accompanying the Bridegroome and Bride both to and from the Church, putting on beſt apparell, feaſting, with other tokens of reioycing: for which we hauehave expreſſe warrant out of Gods word.
For the generall, that the mariage time is a time of reioycing, ſome gather from the notation of the word, as if it were ſtiled mariage of merry age. But to let that paſſe, The Scripture vſeth to ſet forth a time of reioycing by the aIſa. 62. 5.ioy of the Bridegroome ouer his Bride, and ſtileth bIer. 33. 11.the voice of a Bridegroome and a Bride, the voice of ioy and gladneſſe. And on the contrary counteth it a iudgement, when cIer. 7. 34. Ioel 2. 16.ioy is taken away from the Bridegroome and the Bride.
For meeting of friends at the time of mariage, it is noted that dGen. 29. 22.Laban gathered together all the men of the place, when his daughter was maried. And when Sampſon was maried, eIudg. 14. 11.they brought thirtie companions to him. And when a friend of the virgin Marie was maried, fIoh. 2. 2.Ieſus and his Diſciples, beſides many other, were inuited thereto. And in the parable of the mariage of the Kings ſonne, it is noted that gMat. 22. 3.many gueſts were bidden to the wedding. In all which hiſtories it is further noted, that feaſts were made at the ſolemnizing of thoſe mariages. And the phraſes which the Prophet vſeth of hIſa. 61. 10. Ier. 2. 32.a Bridegroomes decking himſelfe with ornaments, and a Brides adorning her ſelfe with Iewels, giuegive warrant for putting on the beſt apparell at that time.
Here by the way let good heed be taken, that the things which may lawfully be vſed, be not vnlawfully abuſed, as commonly mariage-feſtiuities, and that eſpecially in feaſtings, are.
§. 22. Of ill or well ordering mariage feaſts.
Mariage feaſts are abuſed,Abuſe of mariage feaſts.
1. When they are made at an vnſeaſonable time: as on the Jſa. 22. 12, 13.Lords day, or in a time of mourning.
2. When they exceed the abilitie of him that maketh the Luk. 15. 13.feaſts.
3. When the abundance prepared, is immoderatly taken, Luk. 21 34.euen to gluttony and drunkenneſſe. The lewd practiſe of drinking healths to the Bridegroome and Bride, oft cauſeth much exceſſe in drunkenneſſe.
4. When too much time is ſpent therein.Iſa. 5. 11.
5. When God is cleane forgotten therein, and the companie poyſoned Iſa. 5. 12.with corrupt communication, vnchaſte ſongs, and the like.
6. When the needy and diſtreſſed are not remembred Am. 6. 6.therein.
For preuenting of theſe abuſes, a ſeaſonable time for celebrating Direction for mariage feaſtsmariage muſt be choſen out: and moderation vſed both by him that maketh the feaſt, and alſo by them that partake thereof: moderation I ſay in the meaſure of eating and drinking, and in the time ſpent therein: which time muſt be ſanctified with ſuch communication as is good to the vſe of edifying, that it may miniſter grace vntounto the hearers. And for the more cheerefulneſſe therein, witty queſtions and doubtfull riddles may be propounded (as Sampſon did) to exerciſe the wit Iudg. 14. 12. Eph. 5. 19.and iudgement of the gueſts: there may be alſo ſinging Pſalmes and hymnes and ſpirituall ſongs, making melodie in their hearts to the Lord. Yea further, that the mariage meeting, mirth, and feaſting may be the better ſanctified, good choice is to be made of the gueſts that are inuited thereto. Hereof we hauehave a worthy patterne in thoſe who were maried in Cana of Galile, Ioh. 2. 1, 2.…nd inuited to their feaſt Ieſus, his mother, and his Diſciples. Such as Ieſus, will miniſter occaſion of ſauourie and ſanctified communication, whereby all the gueſts may be much edified. …uch as the virgin Mary will be a good example of modeſty, …brietie, and other like Chriſtian graces. Such as the Diſciples, will be farre from ſcorning and deriding wholſome and …ood inſtructions, but rather giuegive all diligent heed thereunto, …d lay them vp in their hearts.
Aboue all, that the mirth and ioy of mariage be not dampt, as Belſhazzars was, let them that are maried, and all that come Dan. 5. 5.to reioyce with them, be ſure that they hauehave true aſſurance of their ſpirituall mariage with Chriſt, and of a good right in him to the creatures which they vſe. Otherwiſe their ſinnes will be as that hand-writing which appeared to Belſhazzar on the wall.
Finally, in regard of that libertie which God giueth with plentie and abundance to eat of the fat, and drinke of the Nehe. 8. 10.ſweet, let the poore that ſcarce hauehave ſufficiencie be remembred.
Thus by a right celebrating of mariage, is it much honoured: and man and wife with much honour are brought together.
§. 23. Of the honour of mariage in regard of the firſt inſtitution thereof.
Great reaſon there is why mariage ſhould with ſuch honour be ſolemnized. For it is a moſt honourable thing. Honourable in the inſtitution, ends, priuiledges, and myſterie thereof. No ordinance was more honourable in the firſt inſtitution thereof, as is euident by the Author thereof, the Place where it was inſtituted, the Time when it was inſtituted, the Perſons who were firſt maried, and the Manner of ioyning them together.
1. The Author and firſt Inſtitutor of mariage was the Lord Gen. 2. 18, 21, 22God. Could there hauehave beene a greater, or any way a more excellent Author?
2. The Place was Paradiſe; the moſt faire, glorious, pleaſant, honourable, commodious, and eueryevery way moſt excellent place that euer was in this world, Place, though it be but a circumſtance, addeth much to the honour of a thing. Solemat ordinances are made in honourable places. Thus with vsus mariages are ſolemnized in Churches, not in priuate houſes.
3. The Time was the moſt pure and perfect time that euer was in the world, when no ſinne or pollution of man had ſtained it, euen the time of mans innocencie. Puritie addeth much to the honour of a thing.
4. The Perſons were the moſt honourable that euer were euen the firſt father and mother of all mankinde, they who had an abſolute power and dominion ouer all creatures, and to whom all were ſubiect. None but they euer had a true monarchy ouer the whole world.
5. The Manner was with as great deliberation as euer was vſed in inſtituting any ordinance. For firſt the three glorious Gen. 2. 18. Cui hoc dicitur? non creatae alicui potentiae, ſed ei qui exſe natus eſt, Conſiliario admirabili, &c. Chryſ. in Gen. hom. 14.perſons in the Trinity doe meet to aduiſe about it. For The Lord God ſaid, and to whom ſhould he ſpeake? not to any created power, but to him that was begotten of himſelfe, that Wonderfull, Counſeller, &c. In this conſultation this ordinance is found to be very needfull: (It is not good for man to be alone) thereupon a determination is ſet downe, to make an helpe meet for man. For the better effecting hereof the Lord proceedeth thereto very deliberatly, by ſundry ſteps, and degrees.
1. All the creatures that liued on the earth, or breathed in the aire, are brought before man, to ſee if an helpe meet for him might be found among them.
2. EueryEvery of them being thorowly viewed, and found vnfit, another creature is made and that out of mans ſubſtance and ſide, and after his image.
3. This excellent creature thus made is by the maker therof preſented to man, to ſee how he would like it.
4. Man manifeſting a good liking to her, ſhe is giuen to him to be his wife.
5. The inuiolable law of the neere and firme vnion of man and wife together is enacted.
Let all the forenamed branches concerning the firſt inſtitution of mariage expreſly recorded by the holy Ghoſt be well weighed, and we ſhall eaſily ſee that there is no ordinance now in force among the ſonnes of men ſo honourable in the inſtitution thereof, as this.
§. 24. Of the Ends of Mariage.
2. The Ends for which mariage was ordained adde much to the honour thereof. They are eſpecially three.Prima ſocietas in ipſo coniugio eſt &c. Id autē eſt principium vrbis, & quaſi ſeminarium reip. Cic. Offic. lib. 1.
1. That the world might be increaſed: and not ſimply increaſed, but with a legitimate brood, and diſtinct families, which are the ſeminaries of cities and common-wealths. Yea alſo that in the world the Church by an holy ſeed might be preſerued, and propagated, Mal. 2. 15.
2. That men might auoid fornication (1 Cor. 7. 2.) and poſſeſſe their veſſels in holineſſe and honour. In regard of that Qui tentationum procell as cum difficultate ſalutis tolerant, coniugij portum petant. Greg. in Poſt. part. 3. admon. 28.proneneſſe which is in mans corrupt nature to luſt, this end addeth much to the honour of mariage. It ſheweth that mariage is as an hauen to ſuch as are in ieopardy of their ſaluation through the guſts of temptations to luſt. No ſinne is more hereditary; none whereof more children of Adam doe partake, then this. Well might Chriſt ſay (Mat. 19. 11) all men receiue not this ſaying.
Of all the children of Adam that euer were, not one to a million of thoſe that hauehave come to ripeneſſe of yeares hauehave beene true Eunuches all their life time. Againſt this hereditary diſeaſe no remedie is ſo ſoueraigne as this. Yea for thoſe that hauehave not the gift of continency this is the only warranted, and ſanctified remedy.
3. That man and wife might be a mutuall helpe one to Ad adiumentum mulier data eſt viro. Ambr. Offic. l. 1. c. 28.another, (Gen. 2. 18.) An helpe as for bringing forth, ſo for bringing vp children; and as for erecting, ſo for well gouerning their family. An helpe alſo for well ordering proſperity, and well bearing aduerſity. An helpe in health and ſickneſſe. Ut non ſolum honeſtè, ſed & commodè viuat. Chryſ. in Gen. 2. hom. 14.An helpe while both liue together, and when one is by death taken from the other. In this reſpect it is ſaid (Pro. 18. 22.) who ſo findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, which by the rule of relation is true alſo, of an husband.Licet adiuvent hominem laboribus ſuis multa irrationabilla, nullum tamen par eſt rationali mulieri. Chryſ. ibid.
No ſuch helpe can man hauehave from any other creature as from a wife; or a woman as from an husband.
§. 25. Of the Priuileges of mariage.
III. If (*Rom. 3. 1. as once of circumciſion) it be demanded what is the priuilege, aduantage, and profit of mariage, I anſwer, Much eueryevery way.
1. By it men and women are made Husbands and Wiues.
2. It is the only lawfull meanes to make them Fathers and Mothers.
3. It is the ordinarie meanes to make them Maſters and Miſtreſſes. All theſe are great dignities, wherein the image and glorie of God conſiſteth.
4. It is the moſt effectuall meanes of continuing a mans Unuſquiſ que in liberis ſuis quodammodo renaſcitur &c. Plato dè Leg. lib. 4.name and memory in this world, that can be. Children are liuing monuments, and liuely repreſentations of their parents.
5. Many priuileges hauehave of old beene granted to ſuch as were maried. yAppian. lib. 2. debel. ciu.In pleading cauſes, or giuing ſentence, they had the firſt place; and in choice of offices they were preferred. zSucton. in Aug.In meetings they had the vpper hand. *Ariſt. Polit. li. 2. cap. 7. & Codic lib. 10. tit. 63.And if they had many children they were exempted from watchings, and other like burthenſome functions. Among vsus, if the younger ſiſter be maried before the elder, the preheminency and precedency …s giuen to the younger.
The priuileges and honours which are giuen to maried perſons, were queſtionleſſe the ground of that cuſtome which Laban mentioneth of his country; that the younger was not to Gen. 29. 26.be maried before the elder.
§. 26. Of the myſterie of Mariage.
IIII. Great is that myſterie which is ſet forth by mariage, namely the ſacred, ſpirituall, reall, and inuiolable vnion betwixt Chriſt and his Church: which is excellently deciphe…ed in Salomons Song, and in Pſal. 45. and expreſly noted, Eph. 5. 32.
Hereby man and wife who intirely, as they ought, louelove one another, hauehave an euident demonſtration of Chriſts louelove to them. For as parents by that affection which they beare to their children, may better diſcerne the minde, and meaning of God towards them, then ſuch as neuer had childe, ſo may maried perſons better know the diſpoſition of Ieſus Chriſt, who is the ſpouſe of eueryevery faithfull ſoule, then ſingle perſons.
§. 27. Of Mariage and ſingle life compared together.
Let now the admirers and praiſers of a ſingle eſtate bring forth all their reaſons, and put them in the other ſcole againſt mariage. If theſe two be duly poiſed, and rightly weyed, we ſhall finde ſingle life too light to be compared with honeſt mariage. All that can be ſaid for the ſingle eſtate, is grounded vponupon accidentall occaſions. Saint Paul, who of all the pen-men of holy Scripture hath ſpoken moſt for it, draweth all his commendations to the head of Expediency, and reſtraineth all vntounto a1 Cor. 7. 26. foreign.preſent neceſſity.
Obiect. He vſeth theſe words (bVerſ. 1. good, and cVerſ. 38.better.)
Anſw. Thoſe words hauehave relation not to vertue, but to expediencie: neither are they ſpoken in oppoſition to vice and ſinne, for then would it follow, that to marie (which is Gods ordinance, and honourable in all) were euill and ſinfull: which is to reuiue dSaturniliani de quibus Epiph. haer. 23.that ancient hereſie, that mariage is of the deuill. eSi quis coinquinationem vocet legitimā commixtionem, habet inhabitatorem draconem Apoſtatam. Ignat. Epiſt. ad Philad.Of old they who hauehave called lawfull mariage a defilement, hauehave beene ſaid to hauehave the Apoſtate dragon dwelling in them. But the Apoſtle ſtileth that good, which is commodious, and that better which is more expedient: and yet not ſimply more expedient, but to ſome perſons at ſome times. For if any hauehave not the gift of continency, it is not only commodious or more expedient that they marie, but alſo abſolutely neceſſarie. They are commanded ſo to doe (1 Cor. 7. 9.) Yet on the other ſide, if any hauehave the gift of continency, they are not ſimply bound from mariage; there be other occaſions, beſide auoiding fornication, to moue them to marie. It is therefore truly ſaid that Virginity is not commanded, but aduiſed vntounto. Uirginitas non eſt iuſſa ſed admonita. Bernard. de modo benè viu. ſerm. 21.We hauehave no precept for it, but leaue it to the power of them that hauehave that power. So farre forth as men and women ſee iuſt occaſion of abſtaining from mariage (being at leaſt able ſo to doe) they are by the Apoſtle perſwaded to vſe their liberty and keepe themſelues free. But all the occaſions which De virginitate praeceptum non habemus: volentium poteſtati id relinquimus. Conſtit. Apoſt. li. 4. cap. 14.moue them to remaine ſingle ariſe from the weakneſſe and wickedneſſe of men. Their wickedneſſe who raiſe troubles againſt others, their weakneſſe who ſuffer themſelues to be diſquieted and too much diſtracted with affaires of the family, care for wife, children, and the like. Were it not for the wickedneſſe of ſome, and weakneſſe of others, to pleaſe an huſband 1 Cor. 7. 32, 33, 34.or a wife, would be no hiderance to pleaſing of the Lord. If therefore man had ſtood in his intire and innocent eſtate, no ſuch wickedneſſe or weakneſſe had ſeized vponupon him: and then in no reſpect could the ſingle eſtate hauehave beene preferred S. Eccleſia & virginitatem glorificat, & nuptias pudicas honorat. Epiph. haer. 48.before the maried. But ſince the fall, Virginity (where it is giuen) may be of good vſe: and therefore the Church doth giuegive due honour both to virginity and mariage.
§. 28. Of celebrating mariage with ſorrow.
Contrary to the forenamed ioyfull celebrating of mariage are all thoſe indirect courſes which bring much griefe, trouble and vexation thereunto: as forced, ſtolne, vnequall, or any other way vnlawfull mariages: mariages without parents, or other gouernours and friends conſent: or hudled vp to auoid the danger of law for former vncleanneſſe committed, with the like. Many by their prepoſterous and vndue performing of ſo weightie a matter, doe not only cauſe great trouble and diſquietneſſe on the mariage day, but alſo much ſorrow all the daies of their life. If ſuch finde no ioy, comfort or helpe in mariage, but rather the contrary, let them not blame Gods ordinance, but their owne folly and peruerſneſſe.