A Godly Form of Household Government, Part 3
What the dutie of a wife is toward her husband.
THis duty is comprehended in these points;
First, that she reuerence her husband.
Secondly, that she submit herselfe, and be obedient vntounto him.
And lastly, that she do not weare gorgeous apparell, beyond her degree and place, but that her attire be comely and sober, according to her calling.
The first point is proued by the Apostles, Peter and Paul; who set forth the wiues duties 1. Pet. 3. 1. Ephes. 5. 22. Col. 3. 18. 1. Cor. 7. 2.to their husbands, commanding them to be obedient vntounto them, although they be prophane and irreligious, yea, that they ought to do it so much the more, that by their honest life and conuersation, they might winne them to the obedience of the Lord.
Now for so much as the Apostle would hauehave Christian wiues, that are matched with vngodly husbands, and such as are not yet good Christians, to reuerence and obey them: much more should they shew themselues thankfull to God, and willingly, and dutifully performe this obedience and subiection, when they are coupled in marriage with godly, wise, discreet, learned, gentle, louing, quiet, patient, honest, and thrifty husbands. And therefore they ought euermore Wiues must be seruiceable & obedient vntounto their husbands and stand in a reuerend awe of them.to reuerence them, and to endeuour with true obedience and louelove to serue them; to be loth in any wise to offend them, … rather to be carefull and diligent to please them, that their soule may blesse them.Ephes. 5. 24.
And if at any time it shall happen, that the wife shall anger or displease her husband, by doing or speaking any thing that shall grieue him, she ought neuer to rest vntill she hauehave pacified him, and gotten his fauour againe. And if he shall chance to blame her without a cause, and for that which she could not helpe or remedy, (which thing sometimes happeneth euen of the best men) yet she must beare it patiently, and giuegive him no vncomely or vnkind word for it; but euermore looke vponupon him with a louing and cheerefull countenance; and so rather let her take the fault vponupon her, then seeme to be difpleased.
Let her be alwaies merry and cheerfull in his Cheerefull in countenence.company, but yet not with too much lightnesse. She must beware in any wise of swelling, powting, lowring, or frowning; for that is a token of a cruell and vnlouing heart, except it be in respect of sinne, or in time of sicknesse. She may not be sorrowfull for any aduersitie that God sendeth: but must alwayes be carefull that nothing be spilt, or go to wast through her negligence. In any wise she must be quicke and cleanly about her husbands meare and drinke, preparing Gen. 27. 9.him the same according to his diet in due season. Let her shew her selfe in word and deed wise, humble, curteous, gentle, and louing towards her husband, and also towards such as he doth louelove; and then shall she leade a blessed life. Let her shew her selfe not onelyonly to louelove no man so well as her husband, but also to louelove none other at all but him, vnlesse it be for her husbands sake, and the Lords.
Wherefore let the wife remember, that (as the Scripture reporteth) she is one bodie with Gen. 2. 23. 24 Math 19. 5. 1. Cor. 6. 16. Eihes 5. 31.her husband; so that she ought to louelove him none otherwise then her selfe: for this is the greatest vertue of a married woman, this is the thing that wedlocke signifieth and commandeth, that How the wife ought to behaue her selfe vntounto her husband.the wife should reckon, to hauehave her husband for both father, mother, brother, and sister, like as Adam was vntounto Eue; and as the most noble and chast woman Andromache said her husband Hector was vntounto her:
Thou art vntounto me both father and mother,
Mine owne deare husband, and well beloued brother.
And if it be true that men. do say, that friendship maketh one heart of two: much more truely and effectually ought wedlocke to do the same, which farre passeth all manner both of friendship and kindred. Therefore it is not said, marriage doth make one man, or one minde, or one body of two, but clearely one person; wherefore matrimonie requireth a greater dutie of the husband to wards his wife, and the wife towards her husband, then otherwise they are bound to shew to their parents. The Apostle biddeth, To reioyce with them that reioyce, and weepe with them that weepe. With Rom. 12. 15.whom should the wife reioyce, rather then with her louing husband? Or with whom, should she weepe and mourne, rather then with her owne flesh? I will not leaue thee, saith Elisha to 2. King. 2. 6.Eliah: so she should say, I will neuer leaue him till death. Beare one anothers burthen (saith Paul.) Gal. 6. 2.Who shall beare one anothers burthen, if the wife do not beare the husbands burden? Wicked lezabel comforted her husband in his sicknesse: 1. King. 21. 5. 1. King. 14. 4.and Ieroboams wife sought for his health, though she was as bad as he. God did not bid Sarah leaue her father and countrie, as he did Gen. 12. 1.bid her husband, yet because he bad Abraham leaue his, she left hers too: shewing, that she was content not onelyonly to be his play fellow, but his yoke-fellow too. Beside a yoke-fellow, she is called an helper, to helpe him in his labours, Gen. 2. 18.to helpe him in his troubles, to helpe him in his sicknesse, like a woman physition, sometime with her strength, and sometime with her counsell. For as sometime God confoundeth 1. Cor. 1. 27.the wise by the foolish, and the strong by the weake; so sometimes he teacheth the wise by the foolish, and helpeth the strong by the weake. Therefore Peter saith, Husbands are wonne 1. Pet. 3. 1.by the conuersation of their wiues. As if he should say, sometime the weaker vessell is the stronger vessell. Abraham may take counsell of Sarah, as Naaman was aduised by his seruant. 2. King. 5. 3. & 49.The Shunamites counsell made her husband receiue a Prophet into his house: and Hesters counsell made her husband spare the Church Hest. 7. 3.of the Iewes: so some hauehave bene better helpe to their husbands then their husbands hauehave bin to them: for it pleaseth God to prouoke the wise with the foolish, as he did the Iewes with the …. 32. 21.Gentiles. Beside an helper, she is called a comforter too; and therefore the man is bid to reioyce …. 10 19. Prou. 5. 18. 19.in his wife: which is as much to say, that wiues must be the reioycing of their husbands, euen like Dauids harpe to comfort Saul. A good 1. Sam. 16. 23.wife therefore is knowne, when her words, and deeds, and countenance, are such as her husband loueth. She must not examine whether he be wise or simple, but that she is his wife, and therefore being bound she must obey: as Abigail loued her husband, though he were a 1. Sam. 25. 3.foole, churlish, and euill conditioned. For the wife is as much despised for taking rule ouet her husband, as he for yeelding it vntounto her. Therefore one saith, that a mankind woman is a monster, that is, halfe a woman & halfe a man. It beseemeth not the mistresse to be maister, no more then it becommeth the maister to be mistresse: but both must saile with their own wind, and both keepe their standing.
Lastly, we call the wife huswife, that is, houswife, not a street-wife, one that gaddeth vp and downe, like Thamar: nor a field-wife, like Dinah: Gen. 38. 4. Gen. 33. 1. Why wiues are called huswiues.but a house-wife: to shew that a good wife keepes her house: and therefore Paul biddeth Titus to exhort women that they be chast, and keeping at home: presently after chast, he saith, Tit. 2. 5.keeping at home, as though home were chastities keeper. And therefore Salomon depainting Pro. 7. 12.and describing the qualities of a whore, setteth her at the doore, now sitting vponupon her stall, now walking in the streets, now looking out of the window, like cursed Iezabel, as if she 2. King 30.held forth the glasse of temptation, for vanity to gaze vponupon. But chastitie careth to please but one, and therefore she keepes her closet as if she were still at prayer.
The Angell asked Abraham, Where is thy wife? Abraham answered: She is in the tent. The Angell Gen. 18. 9.knew where she was, but he asked, that we might see how women in old time did keepe their tents and houses. It is recorded of the Shunamite, 2. King. 4. 22.that she did aske her husband leaue to go vntounto the Prophet, though she went to a Prophet, and went of a good errand, and for his cause as much as her owne, yet she thought it not meete to go farre abroad without her husbands leaue.
The second point is, that wiues submit themselues, and be obedient vntounto their owne husbands Ephe. 5. 22. 23. …. Cor. 11. & 14. 34.as to the Lord, because the husband is by Gods ordinance the wiues head, that is, her defender, teacher and comforter: and therefore she oweth her subiection to him, like as the Church doth to Christ: and because the example of Sarah the mother of the faithfull, which obeyed Abraham and called him Lord, moueth them Gen. 18. 12. 1. Pet. 3. 6.thereunto. This point is pattly handled before in the first point, as also in the duty of the husband to the wife. As the Church should depend vponupon the wisedome, discretion and will of Christ, and Ephes. 5. 24.not follow what it selfe listeth: so must the wife also submit and apply her selfe to the discretion and will of her husband: euen as the gouernmēt and conduct of eueryevery thing resteth in the head, not in the bodie. Moses writeth, that the Serpent Gen. 3. 1.was wise aboue all beasts of the field: and that he did declare in assaulting the woman, that when he had seduced her, she might also seduce and deceiue her husband. Saint Paul 1. Tim. 2. 14.noting, this, among other the causes of the womans subiection, doth sufficiently shew, that for the auoiding of the like inconueniences, it is Gods will that she should be subiect to her husband, so that she shall hauehave no other discretion or will, but what may depend vponupon her head. The Lord also by Moses saith the same: Thy desire shall be subiect to thy husband, and he shall rule ouer thee. This dominion ouer their wiues will doth manifestly appeare in this, that God in old time ordained, that if the woman had Num. 30. 7.vowed any thing vntounto God, it should not withstanding rest in her husband to disauow it: so much is the wiues will subiect to her husband. Yet it is not meant, that the wife should not employ her knowledge and discretion which God hath giuen her, in the helpe, and for the good of her husband: but alwayes it must be with condition to submit herselfe vntounto him, acknowledging him to be her head, that finally they may so agree in one, as the coniunction of marriage doth require. Yet as when in a Lute or other musicall instrument, two strings concurring in one tune, the sound neuerthelesse is imputed to the strongest and highest: so in a well ordered houshold, there must be a communication and consent of counsell and will betweene the husband and the wife: yet such, as the counsell and commandement may rest in the husband. True it is that some women are wiser and more discreet then their husbands: as Abigail the wife of Nabal, and others. Whereupon Salomon saith: A wise woman buildeth vp the house: and blessed is the man that hath a Pro. 14. 1. & 18. 22. & 19. 14. & 31. all.discreete wife. Yet still a great part of the discretion of such women shall rest in acknowledging their husbands to be their heads, and so vsing the graces that they hauehave receiued of the Lord, that their husbands may be honored, not contemned, either of them or of others: which falleth out contratie, when the wife will seeme wiser then the husband. So that this modestie and gouernment ought to be in a wife: namely, that she should seldome speake, but to her husband, or by her husband. And as the voice of him that soundeth a trumpet, is not so lowd, as the sound that it yeeldeth: so is the wisedome and word of a woman, of greater vertue and efficacie, when all that she knoweth, and can do, is, as if it were said and done by her husband. The obedience that the wife oweth to her husband, dependeth vponupon this subiection of her will and wisedome vntounto him: as 1. Peter 3. 6. Ephesians. 5. 33. Ester. 1. 12. So that women may not prouoke their husbands by disobedience, in matters that may be performed without offence to God: neither presume ouer them, either in kindred or wealth, or obstinately to refuse in a matter that may trouble household peace and quiet. For disobedience begetteth contempt of the husband, and contempt wrath, and is many times the cause of troubles betweene the man and the wife. If the obedience importeth any difficultie, she may for her excuse gently propound the same: yet vponupon condition to obey (in case the husband should persist in his intent) so long as the discommoditie importeth no wickednesse. For it is better to continue peace by obedience, then to breake it by resistance. And indeed it is naturall in the members to obey the conduct and gouernment of the head. Yet must not this obedience so farre extend, as that the husband should command any thing contrary to her honour, credit, and saluation, but as it is comely in the Lord: Colos. 3. 16. Ephes. 5. 13. Therefore, as it were a monstrous matter, and the meanes to ouerthrow the person, that the body should in refusing all subiection and obedience to the head, take vponupon it to guide it selfe, and to command the head: so were it for the wife to rebell against the husband.
Let her then beware of disordering and … the course which God in his wisedome hath established: and withall let her vnderstand, that going about it, she riseth not so much against her husband, as against God: and that it is her good and honor to obey God in her subiection and obedience to her husband. If in the practise of this dutie she find any difficultie or trouble, through the inconsiderate course of her husband, or otherwise; let her remember, that the same proceedeth not of the order established by the Lord, but through some sin afterward crept in, which hath mixed gall among the honie of the subiection and obedience that the woman should hauehave enioyed in that estate, wherein, together with Adam, she was created after the Image of God. And so let her humble her selfe in the sight of God, and be well assured that her subiection and obedience is acceptable vntounto him: and that the more that the image of God is restored in her and her husband through the generation of the holy Ghost, the lesse difficultie she shall find in that subiection and obedience, as many in their marriage hauehave in deed tried, to their great contentment and consolation.
Further there is a certaine discretion and desire required of women, to please the nature, inclinations, and manners of their husbands, so long as the same import no wickednesse. For as the looking-glasse, howsoeuer faire and beautifully adorned, is nothing worth if it shew that countenance sad which is pleasant, or the same pleasant that is sad: So the woman deserueth no commendation, that (as it were) contrarying her husband, when he is merry sheweth herselfe sad, or in sadnesse vttereth her mirth. For as men should obey the lawes of their Cities, so women the manners of their husbands. To some women a becke of her husband is sufficient to declare that there is somewhat amisse that displeaseth him, and specially if she beare her husband any reuerence. For an honest Matron hath no neede of any greater staffe, but of one word, or one sowre countenance. Moreouer, a modest and chaste woman that loueth her husband, must also louelove her house, as remembring that the husband that loueth his wife, cannot so well like of the sight of any tapestry, as to see his wife in his house. For the woman that gaddeth from house to house to prate, confoundeth her selfe, her husband and family: Titus 2. 5. But there are foure reasons why the woman is to go abroad. First, to come to holy meetings, according to the duty of godlinesse. The second, to visit such as stand in need, as the duty of louelove and charitie doth require. The third, for employment and prouision in houshold affaires committed to her charge. And lastly with her husband, when he shall require her. Gen. 20. 1. &c. The euill and vnquiet life that some women hauehave, and passe with their husbands, is not so much for that they commit The wife must keepe a good tongue. When the wife doth hold her peace, she keepes the peace.with, and in their persons, as it is for that they speake with their tongues. If the wife would keepe silence when her husband beginneth to chide, he should not hauehave so vnquiet dinners, neither she the worse supper. Which surely is not so: for at the same time that the husband beginneth to vtter his griefe, the wife beginneth The cause of domesticall combats. Silence becometh a woman.to scold and chafe: whereof doth follow, that now and then most vnnaturally they come to handy-gripes, more beast-like then Christianlike: which their so doing is both a great shame and foule discredit to them both. The best meanes therefore that a wife can vse to obtaine and maintaine the louelove and good liking of her husband, is to be silent, obedient, peaceable, patient, studious to appease his choler if he be angry, painefull, and diligent in looking to her businesse, to be solitary and honest. The chiefe and speciall cause why most women do faile in Lacke of knowledge of Gods word, is the principall cause why wiues do not their duties to their husbandsnot performing this duty to their husbands is, because they be ignorant of the word of God, which teacheth the same and all other duties: and therefore their soules and consciences, not being brought into subiection to God and his word, they can neuer vntill then yeeld and performe true subiection and obedience to their husbands, and behaue themselues so eueryevery way, as Christian wiues are in duty bound to do. But if wiues be not so dutifull, seruiceable and subiect to their husbands as in conscience they ought, the onelyonly cause thereof for the most part is, the want and neglect of the wise, discreet, and good gouernment that should be in the husbands: besides the want of good example that they should giuegive vntounto their wiues both in word and deed.
For as the common saying is, such a husband such a wife. For so much as marriage maketh of two persons one; therefore the louelove of the husband and wife may the better be kept and increased, and so continued, if they remember the duties last spoken of, as also not forget three points following.
1. They must be of one heart, will, and mind, One heart and one will.and neither to vpbraide or cast the other in the teeth with their wants and imperfections any wayes, or to pride themselues in their gifts: but either the one to endeuour to supply the others wants, that so they both helping and doing their best together, may be one perfect body.
2. It doth greatly increase louelove, when the one How the louelove, faithfulnesse, and dutie of married folkes may be kept & increased.faithfully serueth the other: when in things concerning marriage, the one hideth no secrets nor priuities from the other, and the one doth not vtter or publish the frailties or infirmities of the other, and when of all that euer they obtaine or get, they hauehave but one common purse together; the one locking vp nothing from the other: and also when the one is faithfull to the other in all businesse and affaires.
Likewise when the one hearkeneth to the other, & when the one thinketh not scorne of the other: and when in matters concerning the gouernment of the house, the one will be counselled and aduised by the other; the one of them being alwayes louing, kind, courteous, plaine, and gentle vntounto the other; in words, manners, and deeds.
3. Let the one learne euer to be obsequious, diligent, and seruiceable to the other in all honest things. And this will the sooner come to passe, They must secretly keepe no euill will in their minds, but tell their griese.if the one obserue and marke what thing the other can away withall, or cānot away withall: and what pleaseth or displeaseth them, and so from thence-foorth to do the one, and to leaue the other vndone. And if one of them be angry, and offended with the other, then let the party grieued open and make knowne vntounto the other their griefe in due time, and with discretion. For the longer a displeasure or euill will rages in secret, the worse wil be the discord. And this must be obserued, that it be done in a fit and conuenient time: because there is some season in the which if griefes were shewed it should make great debate. And if the wife would go about to tell or admonish her husband when he is out of patience or moued with anger, it should then be no fit time to talke with him. Therefore Abigail perceiuing Nabal her 1. Sam. 25. 36. 37.husband to be drunke, would not speake to him vntill the morning. Both the husband and wife must remember, that the one be not so offended and displeased with the manners of the other, 1. Cor. 7. 10. 11 12. 13. 14. 15. 16.that they should thereupon forsake the company one of another: for that were like to one that being stung with the Bees, would therefore forsake the bony.
And therefore no man may put away his wife Mat. 19. 6. Mat. 19. 9. Luke 16. 18.for any cause, except for whoredome, which must be duly prooued before a lawfull Iudge. But all godly and faithfull married folkes are to commend their state and marriage to God, by humble and feruent prayer, that he for his beloued Sonnes sake would so blesse them and their marriage, that they may so Christianly and dutifully agree betweene themselues, that they may hauehave no cause of any separation or diuorcement. For like as all manner of medicines (& specially they that go nighest death, as to cut off whole members, &c.) are very loathsome and terrible: euen so is diuorcement indeed a medicine, but a perillous and terrible medicine. Therefore eueryevery good Christian husband and wife ought with all care and heedfulnesse so to liue in marriage, that they hauehave no need of such a medicine. As the holy Scripture maketh mention of many wiues and women that were wicked and vngodly, as partly may be seene by these quotations, 1. King. 1. 2. Prou. 7. 27 and 22. 14. and 25. 24. and 27. 15. Eccles. 7. 28. So contrariwise, the same sacred Scripture also commendeth vntounto vsus many women that hauehave bene deuout, religious, and vertuous; as partly is manifest by that which hath bene already said: and also by these places of Scripture, Ruth 2. 11. 1. Sam. 25. 3. Pro. 14. 1. and 31. 10. Mat. 28. 1. 8. 9. 10. Luke 8. 2. 3. and 23. 55. 56. Acts 1. 14. and 17. 4. and 9. 36. 39. 2. Ioh. 1. 2. Tim. 1. 5.
And whosoeuer shall obserue it in the reading of the word of God, shall find that it speaketh of the praise of as many, and mo good women then men. Yea, and I am perswaded that if at this day a due suruey should be taken of all the men & women throughout his Maiesties dominions, there would be found in number moe women that are faithfull, religious, and vertuous The wife ought to obey her husband in all things that be honest, and agreeable to Gods word.then men.
Now if a wife be desirous to know how farre she is bound to obey her husband: the Apostle resolueth this doubt; where he saith, Ephesians 5. 22. Wiues submit your selues vntounto your husbands as to the Lord. As if he had said, wiues cannot be disobedient to their husbands, but they must resist God also, who is the author of this subiection: and that they must regard their husbands will, as the Lords will. But yec withall, as the Lord commandeth that which is good & right: so she should obey her husband in good and right, or else she doth not obey him as the Lord, but as the tempter. The first subiection of the woman began at sinne. For when God cursed her, for seducing her husband, when the serpent had deceiued her, he said, He shall hauehave Gen. 3. 16.authoritts ouer thee. And therefore as the man named all other creatures, in signe that they should be subiect to him, as a seruant which commeth when his maister calleth him by his name: so he did name the woman also, in token that she should be subiect vntounto him likewise. And therefore Assuerus made a law, that Hest. 1. 20. 22. Numb. 30. 7. 8 9. 1. Pet. 3. 6.eueryevery man should beare rule in his owne house, and not the woman. Because she sinned first, therefore she is humbled most: and euer since, the daughters of Sarah are bound to call their husbands Lord, as Sarah called her husband: that is, to take them for heads and gouernours.
Amongst the particular duties that a Christian It is a speciall dutie of a mother to giuegive her children sucke her selfe.wife ought to performe in her family, this is one: namely, that she nurse her owne children: which to omit, and to put them foorth to nursing, is both against the law of nature, and also against the will of God. Besides, it is hurtfull both for the childs body, and also for his wit; & lastly, it is hurtfull to the mother her selfe, and it is an occasion that she falleth into much … thereby.
First, nature giueth milke to the woman for none other end, but that she should bestow it vponupon her child. We see by experience, that eueryevery beast, and eueryevery fowle is nourished and bred of the same that did beare it: onelyonly some women louelove to be mothers, but not nurses. As therefore eueryevery tree doth cherish and nourish that which it bringeth forth: euen so also, it becometh 1. Tim. 5. 10.naturall mothers to nourish their children with their owne milke.
Secondly, the examples of the Scriptures are many that proue this. As Sarah, who nursed Isaack, Gen. 22. 7.though she were a Princesse; and therefore able enough to hauehave had others to hauehave taken that paines. Though she was a beautifull woman, and of great yeares, yet she her selfe nursed and gaue sucke to her sonne.
Also Anna, vntounto whom the holy Ghost hath 1. Sam. 1. 23. Exod. 8. Cant. 8. 1. Psal. 22. 9.left it recorded (as a commendation,) that she nursed her owne sonne Samuel.
So when God chose a nurse for Moses, he led the hand-maide of Pharaos daughter to his mother: as though God would hauehave none to nurse him but his mother. Like wise when the Mat. 2. 14. Luke 2. 7. 12.Sonne of God was borne, his Father thought none fit to be his nurse, but the blessed virgin his mother. It is a commendation of a good woman, 1. Tim. 5. 10.and set downe in the first place as a principall good worke in a widow that is well reported of, if she hauehave nursed her children. And therfore such as refuse thus to do, may well and fitly be called nice and vnnaturall mothers: yea, in so doing they make themselues but halfe mothers, and so breake the holy bond of nature, in locking vp their breasts from their children, and deliuering them forth like the Cuckoo to be hatched in the sparrowes nest.
Thirdly, the childrens bodies be commonly so affected as the milke is which they receiue. Now if the nurse be of an euill complexion, as she is affected in her body, or in her mind, or hath some hidden disease, the child sucking of her breast must needs take part with her. And if that be true which the learned do say, that the temperature of the mind followes the constitution of the body, needs must it be, that if the nurse be of a naughty nature, the child must take thereafter. Yet if it be so that the nurse be of a good complexion, and of an honest behauiour, (whereas contrariwise, maidens that hauehave made a scape are commonly called to be Nurses) yet can it not be but that the mothers milke should be much more naturall for the child then the milke of a stranger. As by experience, let a man be long accustomed to one kind of drinke, if the same man change his ayre and his drinke, he is like to mislike it, as the egges of a henne are altered vnderunder a hawke. Neuerthelesse, such women as be oppressed with infirmities, diseases, want of milke, or other iust and lawfull causes, are to be dispensed withall. But whose breasts hauehave this perpetuall drought? Forsooth, it is like the gowt, no beggers may hauehave it, but Citizens or Gentlewomen. In the ninth of Hosea, verse 14. drie breasts are named for a curse. What a lamentable hap hauehave Gentle-women to light vponupon this curse more then others? Sure if their breasts be drie (as they say they are) they should fast and pray together, that this curse might be remoued from them.
And lastly, that it is hurtfull to the mothers themselues, both Physitians can tell; and some women full oft hauehave felt when they hauehave bene troubled with sore breasts: besides other diseases that happen to them through plentie of milke.
The wise is further to remember, that God hath giuen her two breasts; not that she should employ and vse them for a shew, or of ostentation, but in the seruice of God, and to be a helpe to her husband in suckling the child common to them both. Experience teacheth, that God conuerteth the mothers bloud into the milke wherewith the child is nursed in her wombe. He bringeth it into the breasts furnished with nipples; conuenient to minister the warme milke vntounto the child: whom he endueth with industrie to draw out the milke for his owne sustenance. The woman therefore that can suckle her child and doth it not, but resuseth this office and duty of a mother, declareth her selfe to be very vnthankfull to God, and (as it were) forsaketh and contemneth the fruite of her wombe. And therefore the bruite beasts lying vponupon the ground, and granting not one nipple or two, but sixe or seauen to their young ones, shall rise in iudgment against these dainty halfmothers, who for feare of wrinckling of their faces, or to auoyd some small labour, do refuse this so necessary a duty of a mother due to her children. The properties due to a married wife are, that she hauehave grauitie when she walketh abroad: wisedome to gouerne her house, patience to suffer her husband, louelove to breed and bring vp her children, courtesie towards her neighbours, diligence, to lay vp, and to saue such goods as are within her charge: that she be a friend of honest company, and a greater enemie of want on and light toyed. So then, the principall dutie of the wife, is, first, to be subiect to her husband, Ephes. 5. 22. Colloss. 3. 18. 1. Pet. 3. 1. 2. To be chast and shamefast, modest and silent, godly and discreet. 3. To keepe her selfe at home for the good gouernment of her family, and not to stray abroad without iust cause.
Here it is not to be pretermitted, but we must Stepfathers & stepmothers their duties.say somewhat touching men and women that betwise married, and so become step-fathers and step-mothers. Such husbands and wiues as The husband must so praise his first wife, & she her first husband, as it be not done to the offence or reproch of either to the other.marrie againe after the death of their first wiues, or first husbands, are carefully to remember that they do not displease their wiues or their husbands which they now hauehave, by ouermuch rehearsing of their first wife or first husband. For the course and condition of the world is such, that husbands and wiues do account and reckon things past better then things that be present. And the reason is, because no commoditie Iealousie, which is the suspecting of adulterie in the married parties, ought wisely and carefully to be suppressed in both parties without apparent matteror felicitie is so great, but it hath some griefe and displeasure, and also some bitternesse mingled with it: which so long as it is present grieueth vsus sore, but when it is once gone, it leaueth no great feeling of it selfe behind it: and for that cause we seeme to be lesse troubled with sorrowes and discommodities past, then with those that are present. Also age stealeth and commeth on apace, which causeth both men and women to be the lesse able to sustaine and endure troubles and griefes then before. Therefore such men and women as be twise married, and be wise and religious, ought not to esteeme their wife or husband which is dead, better then her or him which they enioy now aliue: remembering the common prouerbe: That we must liue by the quicke and not by the dead: and that we must make much of that we now hauehave. Let the name of step-father and step-mother, admonish and put them in mind of their duty towards the children of the one and the other. For step-father and step-mother, doth signifie a sted-father and a sted-mother, that is; one father and one mother dyeth, The very name of stepfather & stepmother teacheth them their dutie.and another succeedeth and commeth in their stead and roome. Therefore to the end that both their loues may be seiled towards the children of the one and the other, they must remember, that they are stead-father and stead-mother; that is, in stead of their owne father and mother: and therefore they ought to louelove them, to tender them, and to cherish them, as their owne father or mother did. You must not looke vponupon them like Rehoboam, who told his people that he would be worse vntounto them then his predecessor: for then the children will dislike of you, and turne from you, as his subiects did from him: but ye must come to them as Dauid came to the people after Saules death, 1. King. 12. 13. 2. Sam. 2. 7.who said, Though your Maister Saul be dead, yet I will reigne ouer you: So ye must say to them; though your father be dead, or though your mother be dead, yet I will be a father, or I will be a mother vntounto you: so the children will louelove you, as much as they did their dead father, or dead mother. For that man that is led with discretion, reason, and consideration, will reckon himselfe and his wife all one: And likewise, she will account her selfe and her husband as one. And therefore they ought to account both the children of the one and of the other as common to them both. For if friendship make all things common among friends, insomuch that they hauehave loued & fauoured their friends children as their owne, how much more effectually and perfectly ought marriage to cause the same, which is the highest degree, not onelyonly of friendship but also of all bloud and kindred. But step-mothers do more often offend, and faile in this dutie then men, by reason that their affections be stronger then mens, and many times ouer-rule them: and therefore they are earnestly to be admonished and warned, that they shew to those motherlesse children no step-mothers friendship, but a right motherly kindnesse. Let the step-mother aduisedly consider, that God hath ordained and appointed her (in steast. of their owne mother) to be to them a right true mother, and not onelyonly to regard them as children, but as orphane children, and that he requireth her to louelove them, and to do them good as to her owne. What a griefe wold it be to her heart, if she should know now that her owne children whom she hath borne in her owne body, should (after her death) hauehave a step-mother that would be rigorous, churlish, and vnkinde vntounto them? Doubtlesse those childrens mother that dead is, had vponupon her deathbed no lesse care for her children. Let her therefore alwayes hauehave in minde this saying of our Sauiour Christ: As you measure vntounto others, so it shall be measured to you againe: that is, as the step-mother doth intreate the children of her predecessor, so another wife may come after her, and intreate her children. For he that tooke away the first mother, and sent her, can take away the second mother, and send a third, which will not be like a stead-mother to hers, vnlesse she be like a stead-mother to these. Verily, a good woman will be vntounto her husbands children, that which she may heare them call her so often, that is, Mother. For what Christian woman is so farre from all humanitie and naturall affection, that will not be moued and mitigated with this word Mother, of whom soeuer it be spoken? and chiefly of children, which cannot flatter, but speake euen so from their heart, as they would to their owne mother, of whom they were borne. How sweete is the name of friendship? how many iniuries, hatreds and displeasures doth it hide and put away? Then how much more effectuall ought the sweete name of Mother to be, which is full of incredible louelove? Therefore eueryevery religious and louing wife will be mollified and moued in her heart and mind, when she shall heare her selfe named Mother by any of her husbands children.
Otherwise, she shall shew her selfe to be more vnnaturall and vnkind then the wilde sauage beast: for there is no beast so outragious and cruell, but if any other yong beast of her owne kind fawne vponupon her, she will by and by shew kindnesse and mildnesse vntounto it. And shall not her husbands children make her kind & louing vntounto them, when they call and speake vntounto her, by the louing and sweete name of Mother?
3. The third and last point that appertaineth As wiues ought to go comely, plainly, and handsomly in their …, so they must in any wise beware of pride, riot, or excesse therein.to the duty of wiues, is, that they do not weare gorgeous and sumptuous apparell, or broidered haire trimmed with gold: but that after the example of holy women which trusted in God, they be sober in outward apparell, & garnished and decked inwardly with vertues of their minds; as with gentlenesse, meeknesse, quietnesse, and chastitie; which indeed are most precious things in the sight of God.
This point is plainly spoken of by the Apostle to Timothie Chap. 2. vers. 10 in which place, he so flatly condemneth both the excesse and pride of Pride is hatefull before God and man: be not therefore proud, for thou art but dust ana ashes.apparell as also the pompe, curiositie, and wantonnesse which women vse in trimming their heads; by plaiting, criping, broyding, curling, and curiously laying out, that no man can say more against it in few words, then he hath spoken to the vtter dislike thereof. For if a man should occupie himselfe, and giuegive liberty to his pen to write of the horrible abuse and excessiue pride that many women are guilty of in this behalfe, he should rather want time to write, then matter to deliuer.
Therefore, such women as will not reforme themselues, we leaue them to the Lord; who (no doubt will in his appointed time, not onelyonly seuerely punish them, but also their husbands for suffering this great wickednesse and dissolutenesse in their wiues, as he did the Iewes for the same sinne, as plainly may be teene in Esay 3. 16. &c.
For so it falleth out according to the common Prouerbe; that pride goeth before, and shame and destruction commeth after. And on the contrary Prou. 16. 18.part, we hope that such women as be true professors of Christ and his religion, will both attire and dresse their heads so decently, and also content themselues with such comely apparell, as best beseemeth their calling and degree; So as by their good example they may draw on Titus 1. 3.other women to reforme themselues in this behalfe; and so rather come short of that which their abilitie and place would serue to maintaine, then any way to exceed therein, to the slander of their profession.
And let them not so much regard what thing they would faine hauehave, but rather what they Temperance in apparell.cannot well be without: so that whatsoeuer they hauehave no need of, is too deare of a farthing.