A Sons Patrimony and Daughters Portion, Part 2 · Chapter 6

A Sons Patrimony and Daughters Portion · Part 2 · Chapter 6

p. 121CHAP. VI.

Of Wedlock: how ſacred that band: how fundamentall to comfort. I. Our well and orderly entrance into that honourable eſtate. II. Our well ordering our ſelves therein according to the dignitie and honour thereof.

IT follows now, that we make ſome proviſion alſo, againſt the other ſolemne Ordinance, wherein two are made one; That is in the day of our marriage; which day hath an influence into all the remaining dayes of our mortalitie: For, of all our civill affairs, there is none more weighty, important, of greater conſequence, either for extreameſt outward vexation, and hearts grief, or extraordinary ſweet contentment, and continuall peace, then wedlock is; it is as the laſt ſumme, put at the foot of our reckoning; whereby we may reade, what all comes to. As this proves, we ſay, it goes well with us, or ill: All our Temporalls, comforts p. 122and eroſſes lie here, as within a little map or table ggforeign &c. Eurip. oreſt. p. ….We muſt walk ſoftly here, and very conſiderately, it being, according to the old ſaying, like a ſtratagem in warre; we cannot erre and recall it. We marry for life as was ſaid, nay, for eternitie.

I ſhall note here for the more comfortable entrance into this eſtate.

1. The headie proceeding of ſome young folk.

2. The notorious abuſe of the Miniſter.

3. The cunning contrivance of ſome parents.

4. And the couſening crafty concealement of thoſe, who are more at libertie to diſpoſe of themſelves, I mean widows and widowers. Theſe things, I ſhall onelyonly point at in the firſt place, the better to make way unto that, I principally intend.

1. The proceeding herein of the younger folk, is like themſelves, raſh and headie; as if what they did to day, could be undone a monethmonth after; And ſo they pay for their raſhneſſe, and have time enough for repentance all their life after. How oft have I known two green heads, who could think of nothing but the preſent, give their conſents for the undoing of themſelves? But becauſe their conſent is nothing, without a fourth perſon (for we make no doubt but the maid or man-ſervant is the third perſon, alwayes a pander Servi corrup…elae juvenum.in theſe caſes) therefore, they have agreed alſo with a Miniſter, for ſo poore a reward, as will pay his ſcore at the ale-houſe ſome monethmonth after, that he ſhall come in and witneſſe their conſent; then, which belongs to the office, (as he ſtraineth it) to put to the Churches ſeale, as a ſure witneſſe, that all is made firm.

The Parents quickly heare of it, and we may be ſure, it wounds deep; For now (as it is moſt likely in ſuch a proceeding) neither their ſorrow, nor their vvealth, nor their counſell can poſſibly redeeme their childe from perpetuall thraldome.

A Miniſter, I call this man, who knit this couple, and made them one, and a miniſter he will be called; whether p. 123we will or no; be it ſo; but in my conſtruction, it is in a large ſenſe, ſo an hang-man is a miniſter alſo, and in this caſe, he doth but the office of a very executioner; yet, which doth more debaſe him, in a moſt unlegall way. And ſuch an one, I ſaw once ſtanding before an honourable Court, for joyning, by vertue of his much abuſed office, two perſons, in condition very unequall; and as unſeaſonably too, in the night; within leſſe then one houres time after the Father of him, now newly yoked, was departed out of this world; his orders (I think they are called ſo; and ſo called to put ſuch men in minde of their duty even to walk orderly) were taken from him, and ſome other penalty inflicted upon his purſe, which he regarded not, for the ale houſe had dryed and ſhrunken up that before hand; and ſome reſtraint of libertie (but he was a priſoner before:) For any further puniſhment, it is not within the verge of that Courts juriſdiction. Theſe points following are too high for me to examine; whether the knot which this fellow hath knit, be of that ſtrength, as with us it is accounted? Some think not ſo, and have their grounds for ſo thinking; but if ſo, I mean, if being ſo unlawfully knit, it cannot be lawfully undone; then, whether our proviſion of laws in Church or Commonwealth, are not too ſhort for the pulling out of theſe cankers? Theſe be matters too high for me, but, I am ſure of theſe two things, which I ſpeak very feelingly, as one who knows the heart of a Parent;

1. That my childe is a much more valuable commoditie, then is my purſe, my horſe or my mare. A childe is a fathers earthly treaſure, the other are trifles in compariſon, and being loſt, may be made up again. It is not ſo with a child; if a ruffian-like-hath ſtolen her affections, or her away, and another, alike perſon or Prieſt, hath married them, this loſſe is unreparable, the Parent cannot recover or make it up again. And what can recompence this loſſe? A childe is ſtolen away; ſhe is unequally yoaked for eternitie, for life I am ſure. The Parent now may complain ſadly and that is all, for help he cannot.

p. 1242. This I know alſo, That, thoſe of that ſacred order (for ſo their orders have ranked them) deale herein moſt diſhonourably and unworthily, and do offer ſuch an affront to Church and Common-wealth, as in no one thing, more or a greater opprobrie.

I think now of the Inſtitution of Marriage, how ſacred that was, the honour and dignitie of the ſame, and how this Miniſter hath abaſed himſelf, and vilified this ſacred ordinance, and now I commend him to the eye of the civill Magiſtrate, and from his hand, to the hand of his fellow Miniſter, the hang-man I mean, for, I pray for him, That he may ſuffer as a notorious malefactour: Becauſe he doth moſt notoriouſly abuſe his office, ſcandalize his ſacred order; and, which is yet worſe, doth more hurt to the Commonwealth, then hath the moſt notorious Rogue in Newgate. I am very ſenſible and ſure of what I ſay. The ſervant before ſpoken of, muſt be remembred too; the Cart or Bride-well is a fit puniſhment for her, but too eaſie a puniſhment for ſuch an one, who, for a trifle, will hazard the caſting away her Maſters jewell. I have done with the pandar and his fellow Miniſter both.

3. Sometimes I have obſerved, that the Parents on the one ſide, have been well pleaſed, and contented to wink and give ſecret allowance to an unwarrantable proceeding; the Childe they think, will chooſe better for it ſelf, then they could have done.

And here I muſt tell alſo, what I have ſeen and obſerved further, which is; That croſſes have preſently followed the concluſion of the match, which one ſide gave ſecret allowance unto, in hope of advancing their Childe; either a preſent ſeparation hath followed; The ſonne hath been poſted away into ſome forrein Countrey, elſe ſome ſtrangeneſſe of affection; for ſuch love is quickly cold, bird like (as Clemens hhforeign, …. …. 10. pag. 144.ſaith) it cannot be fixed. Some thing or other hath happened that croſſed, and blaſted all their hopes.

4. I have obſerved ſome alſo, being at their own libertie to make their own choice, not ſo carefull and upright this p. 125way; They have carryed things in a cloud: ſome things they have made more then were, ſome things leſſe; ſome things they have concealed, which ſhould have been made known; and ſome things have been preſented under a colour and ſhew, and all to compaſſe a poore end, ſome wealth and repute amongſt neighbours; but things have proved contrary, they have embraced a ſhadow, and loſt the ſubſtance. They preferred a poore acceſſory before the principall, and ſo have been paid with winde, with counterfeit coyne inſtead of currant. I could inſtance in ſome now, widows and widowers, who at this preſent do ſmart openly, and in the eyes of others, for their reſervedneſſe, their ſecret and cunning contrivance and impoſture this way; nor could it be otherwiſe, for it is not Gods way, we cannot expect a bleſſing in it. What I compaſſe by guile and cunning, doth but ſerve to increaſe my after diſcomfort; A foundation iiforeign Piad. Nem. od. 8.layed in unrighteouſneſſe will be like a tottering wall; at the beſt, but like a houſe built upon the ſands, and tending to ruine. And therefore this ſhould be a warning to thoſe, who have any hand in this ſo weightie, and fundamentall a buſineſſe, the iſſues whereof are ſo great; And hence follows their rule, which is this;

Look wherein a man expects the greateſt good (and his expectation is larger in no other thing, then in marriage, being moſt ancient, important, fundamentall to a ſweet ſocietie of life, and a great number of mutuall obligations, and profitable offices flowing thence) therein now, in a buſineſſe of ſo high concernment; Let a man proceed in the greateſt evidence and cleareneſſe of dealing, not ſwerving one jot, or haires breadth from the wayes of ſinceritie and truth; This is the direction, and I would have it evidence my minde, when my tongue cannot.

And now, childe (to make application of all to thy ſelf, and way for thy better proviſion) conſidering the premiſes; That marriage is a buſineſſe of ſuch, and ſo great conſequence, and concernment; That the band is ſo ſtrait, that nothing can diſſolve it but death; or that which is to be puniſhed p. 126with death; that, if there be an errour at firſt, it is hardly recoverable afterwards; conſidering all this; I, that might command thee, do intreat thee, by that worthy name called upon Thee, and thy ſacred vow then given; By all the engagements of a childe; ſuch be all thy parents travell for thy good: By all the comforts thou canſt hereafter look for; Be well adviſed firſt before thou doeſt proceed in this great buſineſſe, which requires ſuch and ſo much deliberation; Be, I ſay, well adviſed firſt; By whom? not by thine own heart, aske not counſell there, it may be, and is in ſuch caſes, ſtrangely corrupted; nor by thine own eare, there is prejudice; nor eye, that is blinded; nor affections, they are troubled, and can give no certain anſwer; Nor by thy ſelf, for now thou art not thy ſelf; Thy judgement and reaſon are quite ſteeped in affection kkAffectiones facile faciunt opiniones.. Yeeld thy ſelf wholly up, to thoſe, who have the overſight and charge over thee, that is my charge; There leave this great buſineſſe and ſubmit; Here ſhew thy obedience as thou lookeſt to proſper.

All thy deportment, from the yeares of underſtanding and onward, thy geſture, thy words, thy actions, ſhould all, at all times, ſweetly and child-like ſpeake out, and ſhew forth thy dutie to, & due obſervance of thy parents; So as all that look on thee, may heare and reade it in thy whole carriage; and all ſhort enough to anſwer thy debt. But here is the principall buſineſſe, wherein they that have the charge over thee look to be obſerved; And as thou doeſt obſerve them here, ſo look to proſper. I will read a ſhort ſtory here, wherein we ſhall ſee a great example of a childes dutie at this point; The greater the perſon was, the greater the example is: yet not ſo great the perſon, in reſpect of place and dignitie; but we are greater then he in reſpect of name and profeſſion; And therefore, if we Chriſtians fall ſhort at this point, our diſobedience will be, as the more notorious, ſo the more abominable. Xenophon relates the ſtory thus; Inſtit. Cyri. lib. 8. p. 665.

Cyaxares would have eſpouſed his daughter to Cyrus the great, offers him a portion anſwerable; A large countrey p. 127for her Dowry, great gifts beſides: Cyrus thus nobly makes anſwer; I like the Stock well, I cannot diſlike the Branch; The portion pleaſeth and proportion both; all lovely and deſireable. But, Sir, I am a Childe, and muſt deport my ſelf herein Childe-like; A Childe is no matchmaker, unleſſe in childiſh and triviall things, things of a low nature, and of but ordinary concernment; A Childe muſt not treat at ſuch a point as this. I have, Sir, a Father and a Mother both, as they will treat and conclude, ſo ſhall I determine and reſolve you; This is the example, and ſee the old diſcipline, and awfull reſpect of children in old Time to Fathers and Governours. And but equall it is, and very reaſonable, that ſo it ſhould be; for, if the Parents will determine nothing till they aske the maide llGen. 24. 57, 58.Gen 24:57Gen 24:58, (whereof afterwards) how unchild like were it (to ſay no more) for the maide to ſay, or do, any thing till ſhe aske the Parents? Eſau was a bad Childe of a good Father, and he ſhewed (ſaith Chryſoſtome) his untowardneſſe betimes, for he Ibid.matched himſelf, without his Parents cōſent. And that we may know how ill ſuch matching thrives; It is upon everlaſting record, That they were a griefe of minde unto Iſaac and Rebecca mmGen. 26. 35.Gen 26:35. And certainly if we grieve the hearts of our good Parents, we do, in ſo doing, block up our own way to our deſired bleſſing: ſo then, the beſt counſell I can give, and the beſt proviſion a childe can make againſt this great and ſolemne time, and for the better ſucceſſe in this great buſineſſe is; to look carefully, firſt to its ſingle charge; And then to leave the reſt to them, whoſe charge it is, and have taken upon them faithfully to diſcharge the ſame.

The firſt is a Childes principall dutie, This ruling of one well, The diſcharging of that little great-Cure, ſo as a man (ſouls have no ſexes, as was ſaid) may quit himſelf, like himſelf, in that ſingle account. This I ſay, is every ſingle. Bodies principall dutie; Therefore of this firſt.

1. We are by nature ambitious of rule, like the Bramble, the more unfit to govern others, the more deſirous. We love to be in authoritie, and have others under us, before we p. 128have got command over our ſelves. We would take upon us, the charge of more ſouls (ſo doth He or She, that enter into this condition, and they muſt be accountable for them too, the greateſt cure in the world) before we know how weightie the charge of one ſoul is. Marriage is an honourable eſtate, and if well ordered, there is nothing in the world more beautifull; And that it may be ſo, we muſt be well ordered before-hand, as befits the honour due to ſo ſweet a ſocietie; And it were well if our ſufficiency this way, and means for the well ordering of our ſelves, were well tryed (as in ſome Common-wealthes it hath been) before we are ſuffered to enter into ſo holy an order: unbrideled humours and unreclaimed deſires are not fit for this ſtrait bond. This band is ſtraite, and of any band holds in the ſhorteſt, how ever we may think the contrary; neither our own will, nor the libertie we may take, but right judgement, ſanctified reaſon, and expediency muſt guide us; elſe that, which ſhould ſuppreſſe ſinne, may increaſe and foment it: and that, which in true uſe doth refreſh and comfort, will weaken and exhauſt nature.

They that marry, marry not for themſelves but for poſteritie, family, friends: matters of great importance and of great burden; But few there are that conſider it beforehand, and therefore few that carry themſelves, as befitteth the ordinance, orderly and honourably in it, whence it comes to paſſe, that that which is the greateſt good, proves the greateſt evill, the fuell of ſinne, and matter of the greateſt diſcontent.

A man may live to fortie or fiftie yeares, and yet be very unadviſed here; and ſo run on as the moſt do, of whom we may ſay; they know not what they do. A due conſideration before hand, and care how to diſcharge this ſingle cure would prevent all this, and ſet a man in a ready way for a future bleſſing. It was uſefully anſwered to a friend deſirous to know his friends reſolution, how fit it was for him being a ſingle man to change his condition: If your own deſires (ſaid his friend) finde you work enough to reclaime and p. 129keep them in; you had beſt forbeare yet to take upon you more work in the charge over others: If it be an hard taske to ſteere your little boat in a little River, it is not ſafe to venter your little skill in ſteering a ſhip through a wide Sea mmLipſ. cent. 1. cp. 36..

Theſe words imply but thus much; That every ſingle perſon muſt examine himſelf well and ſeriouſly in this point; how he hath diſcharged his ſingle account; how he hath ordered his little houſe, himſelf. And if he fall ſhort here, as certainly, if he deceive not himſelf, he will finde himſelf ſhort enough; Then he or ſhe (but we reſpect not ſexes) muſt think it as well a mercy, as the very reaſon that God doth not truſt them with more; their unfaithfulneſſe would be the more, and their account the greater: He that is not faithfull in a little, will not be faithfull in more, nor ſhall he have much committed unto him.

This intends every ſingle bodies inſtruction, more ſpecially thine; Take a ſpeciall charge (my childe) over thy ſelf, rule well thine own houſe, I mean thy ſelf; God hath made every man a governour there. The poore man, that hath none to govern, yet may be a king in himſelf. When thou haſt learnt to rule thy own ſpirit, thou wilt be fitter to be ſubject to anothers, and to rule others alſo. Look up to God, and look well to thy affections, that they get not the upper hand, for then they will keep reaſon under foot. Look well to thy outward ſenſes, and make a covenant there; beguile not thy ſelf with ſuch a mockery nnforeign &c. Iſid Peluſ. lib. 4. epiſt. 24. See epiſt. 2. 3. 4. 12. ejuſdem libri. Quid hac voluntate mendacius? Aug. de civit. 14. 4.as this; To pray againſt temptations, and then to run into them; If thou looſeſt thy command over thy ſelf, thou looſeſt thy ſelf; for thou wilt be as a citie without a wall, where thoſe that are in, may go out, and the enemies without may come in at their pleaſure: So, where there is not a government ſet up, there ſin breaks out, and Satan breaks in without controule.

This is a ſacred Truth, not to be doubted of: Beleeve me now in what follows; I have known many, but more there have been, whom I have not known, who (neglecting this ſingle charge; and caſting off the government of themſelves) p. 130have poyſoned all their ſprings of comfort at the very head ooforeign. Eurip. Her. Fur. p. 46., and blaſted their hopes in the very bloſſome, and blocked up their own way to the comfort they greedily catched at, but in a very ſhadow. Nay, which is more, I have known them, who have kindled a fire in their youth, that hath conſumed them in their age; and ſome remaining coales have ſinged the childe, not then born.

Know it a truth not to be doubted, and ſo plain, that it needs not explication; therefore what is poſſible, keep thy heart as a chaſte Virgin unto Chriſt, even to thy marriage day, and ever: Thy poſteritie, and the bleſſing upon them depends upon it. And ſo much touching this ſo neceſſary a charge, this ſo prime a duty, The looking well to our ſelves, our ſingle charge;

Which cannot be to purpoſe, unleſſe theſe ſingle perſons look up conſtantly to God, who is the chiefeſt Overſeer; (Parents and others are but deputies under Him) who leades us on and holds us in every good way, and hath ſaid, I will not leave thee, nor forſake thee **foreign. Five negatives ſurely I will not, verily verily I will not. Heb. 13. 5.Heb 13:5: And this ſo great a buſineſſe they muſt commend unto Him (for it is a chief point of their charge) with the ſame earneſtneſſe as they deſire to ſucceed and proſper in it. Our Lord Chriſt ſpent that whole night in prayer, before He choſe His diſciples: Thereby teaching us (weak and frail creatures, who have no ſubſiſtance of, or in our ſelves, but all from, and in God, what we ought to do at all times; but more eſpecially then, when matters of importance are in hand.

It is of great importance, how and in what manner matters of importance are entred upon, and begun; where we may note; that nothing ſhall prove a bleſſing to me, which I have not commended to the Lord, and gained it from Him by prayer; ſo then, the young perſons muſt look up to that hand, that diſpoſeth all things, and to that hand they muſt ſubmit. They muſt leave God to His own time, they muſt not tie Him to theirs; He is wiſe and wonderfull, and accordingly doth He work for thoſe, whoſe hearts are ſtayed upon Him.

p. 131I have obſerved thoſe, who have waited Gods time (w^ch is ever beſt, He doth all things well and in their ſeaſon) ſo preferred in their match at the laſt, that it hath quite exceeded their own expectation, and the expectation of their friends; and this at ſuch a time when they leaſt expected, and had the leaſt hope. I have certainly obſerved it ſo. They that wait on the Lord, ſhall once ſay they are remembred, and in a fit ſeaſon: But they, who like an unſerviceable piece of Ordinance, flie off before they are diſcharged; they who will put out themſelves before their time, have broken themſelves with haſte, and proved like proffered wares, of the leaſt eſteem, quite diſregarded. They muſt wait on God herein, whoſe hand leadeth into every good way, and gives a bleſſing in it: And they muſt wait His time alſo, which is a chief point of their duty.

3. The younger folk muſt leave this weighty buſineſſe in their hands, who are deputed under God to take the cure over them, and the care thereof: And this if the ſingle parties ſhall do, they have then diſcharged their double duty, before mentioned, which conſiſted, firſt, in the well ordering themſelves, and ſo diſcharging their ſingle cure: And then in leaving the reſt, for the changing of their condition, wholly in their hands, whoſe charge it is, and whoſe duty alſo it is faithfully to diſcharge the ſame, and now followeth; for it is neceſſary I ſhould adde ſomething thereof: I mean, touching the overſeers duty.

They, that are overſeers of the childe (Parents, or deputed ſo to be) muſt be earneſt with the Lord at this point, for it is a main duty; houſe and riches are the inheritance of Fathers, and a prudent wife is from the Lord ppProv. 19. 14.Prov 19:14. Parents may give a good portion, but a good wife is Gods gift; a great mercy and greatly to be deſired. This is their firſt duty; The next is;

2. They muſt chooſe the man; (we regard not ſexes) I ſay a man, not a boy, not a girle, before the face can diſcern the ſex; parents muſt avoid the inconveniency of haſte in ſo important a buſineſſe, which helps to fill the world with beggery p. 132and impotency qqSee Cenſure of Travell. ſect. 7.. And they muſt chooſe the man; I ſay the man, not his money: It is well where both meet, and then they may chooſe and wink, but that is not very ordinary, and therefore they muſt be the the more watchfull; ſo where there is a fluſh of money, an high-tide of proſperitie, there is commonly a low ebbe of better matters, which indeed denominates a man: proſperitie is a great ſnare, (the greater, when the young heire begins at the top firſt, at the ſame peg or height where the Father ended) and it is many times accompanied with ſome idleneſſe of brain **Ad omne votum fluente fortuna laſcivit ocium. Quint. Dec. 3. p 32.. I need not feare this; but yet I ſay in way of caution, chooſe the man, and then the money; when I ſay, a man, I mean ſuch an one, who can finde meat in a wilderneſſe; who carries his riches about him, **Cic. Parad. Sen. ep. 9. 2 Chron. 25. 9.2 Chr 25:9when he is ſtript of his money; who hath his chief comelineſſe within, and yet not uncomely without, ſuch a man they ſhould chooſe. If this man be wanting, the childe ſhall not ſet her eyes upon him, the parent muſt not. If ſome money be wanting, no great want, it is eaſily ſupplied; it is certain, if other things anſwer, ſome want that way, I mean in money, is not of ſufficient value to hold off, or make a breach. As it was ſaid of the talents, The Lord is able to give much more then this ^r; But if goodneſſe be wanting, it is a greater want then is in a light piece of gold, which in a great paiment will paſſe not withſtanding; as many great wants paſſe currant, where there is a great portion. Parents muſt ſhew their wiſdome here▪ elſe they fail in a prime duty. They muſt chooſe goodneſſe, and not account it an acceſſary. Better want the money then the man ſſSee Chryſoſt. of the choice of a wife. Ser. 28. Tom. 5. Non ſum ex inſano amatorum genere, qui vitia …iam exoſculantur, ubi ſemel formâ capti ſunt. Haec ſola eſt quae me delectat pulchritudo, &c. Calv. ep. 16..

Religion ttM^r Bolton direct. p. 236.and the feare of God, as it it is generally the foundation of all humane felicitie, ſo muſt it in ſpeciall be accounted the ground of all comfort and bliſſe, which man and wife deſire to finde in the enjoying each of other. There was never any gold, or great friends; any beauty or outward bravery, which tied truly faſt and comfortably any marriage knot. It is onelyonly the golden link and noble tie of Chriſtianitie and grace, which hath the power p. 133and priviledge to make ſo deare a bond lovely and everlaſting uuMendax eſt omnis ſecularis amicitia, quae divini timoris vinculo non eſt ligata. Chryſ. Hom. 24. in Matth. …atin. tantùm.; which can ſeaſon and ſtrengthen that neareſt inſeparable ſocietie with true ſweetneſſe, and immortalitie. So farre M^r Bolton; and ſo much touching the Over-ſeers duty, in making the choice.

3. There is another main point, That they give the childe leave to approve of the choice. As the Childe offers the greateſt affront to Parents in giving her conſent without their leave and privitie; ſo ſhall Parents offer the greateſt wrong to the childe, that can be thought of, in concluding a match without or againſt the childes allowance; we have an old example hereof, and a ſtanding rule, We will, call &cxxGen. 24. 57. 58.Gen 24:57Gen 24:58

To uſe conſtraint and force here, is the greateſt piece of injurie that is done in the world; yet ſo injurious have ſome Parents been, and ſo they have compaſſed their end, ſome eſtate for their childe, but quite forfeited the comfort of eſtate, and childe both. The parents care was for that the childe leaſt cares for; and neglected the main, the childes liking of the choice.

This is moſt injurious dealing; nay more, not unlike his (and that was moſt inhumane) who joyned the living to the dead yyVirg. Aen. 7.. Smithfield and other places have told us the ſad ſequells of ſuch matches. So then, this is the next thing belonging to the Parents charge; They will not proceed without the childes conſent.

But it will be ſaid (as many times it falls out) The Parents have made a fit choice, and have asked the childes conſent, but cannot have it, nor any reaſon (except a womans reaſon) why it refuſeth.

And indeed ſo it may well be; for the elder ſort cannot alwayes give reaſon of what they like or diſlike; (and when they can, their reaſon is unreaſonable in ſuch caſes, no better then folly aaSee firſt part. chap. 4. 13. 4. p 55.;) much leſſe ſometimes can the younger. And if ſo, then the childe muſt be drawn on by all faire meanes, and the plaineſt Arguments, ſuch as true wiſdome and diſcretion can ſuggeſt, whereby to win upon it, and ſweetly to incline the will; And if after ſome time of tryall, p. 134they cannot (by ſuch faire means) prevail, then the worl… is wide enough, they muſt make another choice; they muſt not uſe force, oh by no means.

I think now of the ſad and heavy conſequences herefrom: So long as my childe hath a principle of life to carry her to Church, let her not be borne thither as upon others ſhoulders; for ſhe matches for her ſelf principally, and for her life; let it be with her full conſent.

4. It is proper to the parents charge, and it is a point of their wiſdome alſo, to be watchfull herein, that the parties have as little ſight one of the other, as well may be, till there be ſome likelihood of proceeding. And then but ſparingly too, till the match be made up. There are two things neceſſary in all matters of weight; That we have Argus his eyes, and Braiareus his hands bbPrima actionum Argo committtenda ſunt, extrema Briareo. De Aug. 6. 41. p. 201.; That is; that we walk leiſurely, and circumſpectly, looking with all our eyes, and deliberating with all our counſels before we determine; and when ſo we have done, then to diſpatch ſpeedily. Young folk are good at the latter, they will conclude quickly, they are quick at diſpatch: but in point of foreſight they are no body. They ſpell the rule backward, they diſpatch firſt, and deliberate afterwards; which cauſeth ſo much trouble in the houſe, and ſorrow in the world. They think not, what they do, they do to eternitie. Parents muſt balaſt them here, for they are like a ſhip without it: Parents muſt foreſee and forecaſt with all their eyes, and more if they had them, before young folk go to farre in this buſineſſe. Let this objection be nothing; I muſt eat good ſtore of ſalt with him or her firſt, whom I would make my friend afterwards; There is ſome uſe in it, but not here betwixt young parties. If their affections meet for the preſent, they examine not, what may cauſe a diſagreement hereafter. Let the parents look to that, and judge of their diſpoſitions; they may do it, and they ought; the younger parties, cannot, their judgement is ſteeped in affection, as was ſaid, they have little diſcerning further then as may fit the preſent; but one or both can ſo intangle themſelves, and very quickly, that if the match ſhould break, p. 135the weaker breaks with it, and carrieth the trouble of it to the grave. I have obſerved it ſo alſo; and I tell no more, but mine own obſervations all along. Let them have as little familiaritie one with another as poſſibly may be, till the match be made up, and then as befitteth Chriſtian modeſtie.

5. And now I ſuppoſe the match treated upon, proceeded in and concluded in ſuch a way, as is moſt agreeable to Gods will and word, for in ſo doing we may expect a bleſſing. There is but one thing remains, as a cloſe to that great buſineſſe; The ſolemnizing thereof according to the ſame rule.

And here we require the parents care and circumſpection, at no point or circumſtance more wanting; yet at no time more needfull, for it is the laſt and chief point of their duty, and evidenceth what their ſinceritie hath been in all they did before, touching their proceeding in and concluding the match: They muſt remember now, and conſider with all conſideration, That they are on this ſolemne day laying the foundation of a new houſe, or familie; now we know, what care we take in laying the foundation: They are now ſo joyning two, that they make two one; and this they can do by joyning hands, but there is but One, and He onelyonly, that can joyn hearts, and keep them joyned; That marries them to Himſelf, and each to other, making them that day, and all their dayes of one heart in one houſe. This is a great work, and peculiar to Him, who is one God bleſſed for ever. Therefore a main point of circumſpection it is, that they do nothing this day whereby to offend His eyes, who gave them their childe, all that is lovely and comfortable in their childe; all the good they have, or can expect: Who makes a Vnitie, and keeps a Vnitie in the bond of peace. Certainly I am upon a great point of duty. O how carefull ſhould we be, that we give no offence here! And yet how is this care wanting? May we not complain here, as Chryſoſtome in his dayes ccIn Gen. 24. verſe 67. Hom. 48. ω & Hom. 56 ω. & Tom. 5. ſer. 18.Gen 24:67? How are marriages ſolemnized, and in a manner, how uncomely for Chriſtians! in ſuch a manner, with ſuch preparations, as if the purpoſe and intent were, that the devill ſhould be the chief gueſt called in thither, and a bleſſing ſhut out.

p. 136I remember the ſame Fathers words in another place; If the minſtrells be within, Chriſt is without; or if He doth come in, He turns them out ddforeign. In Coloſſ. cap. 4. Hom. 12. ω.Col 4. I will not ſay ſo, leſt I ſhould ſtrain the Fathers words, for I cannot take his meaning ſo: Muſick is a ſcience not to be deſpiſed, and though it be not congruous for mourning, yet it is for a feaſt; I ſuppoſe, there we are now. And though we are ſo, yet this I will ſay, and all that have common reaſon will ſay ſo with me, where ſuch ſongs are, as are uſuall at ſuch feaſts, there Chriſt is not, that is certain. He is excluded: and let parents well conſider, what a gueſt they have ſhut forth: ſuch a one, who hath done all for them, from whom they expect all for hereafter. And here now, thou that art a parent ſhalt be judge in thine own caſe, ſuppoſing it to be thus:

Thou haſt no means whereby to preferre thy childe, none at all; thou couldeſt not give it ſo much as her wedding clothes: But a friend thou haſt, who would do all for thee, all to thy very hearts deſire, and more. Tell us now, wouldeſt thou forget this friend, on the wedding day? no ſure, that thou wouldeſt not; who ever was forgot, he ſhould be remembred ſure enough. Thy engagement to the Lord Chriſt is much more, and much ſtronger, I cannot tell thee how much more, but infinitely more, that it is; canſt thou then forget to invite Chriſt to the wedding? Certainly no, if reaſon or civilitie can prevaile any thing: nay, before and above all (or elſe it is nothing, for He muſt be chief and Lord where He comes) thou wilt, as the ſame Father adviſeth, call Chriſt thither eeforeign. In ep. ad Coloſſ Hom. ω.: for certainly, a marriage feaſt cannot be well ordered, if it be not, as once it was, even thus; And both Ieſus was called, and His Diſciples to the marriage ffJohn 2. 2.John 2:2. Suppoſe it ſo, and the parents have quitted themſelves well, for things are done decently and in order. But now, here is a grave queſtion, for thus it will be ſaid; Great reaſon we ſee, Object. that we ſhould invite Chriſt, but how can we do it? He is in Heaven, and we are on earth; He is a ſpirit, we fleſh. That Anſw. is very true, and it is fit ye ſhould know it, that ye may keep your diſtance, and anſwerably addreſſe your ſelves. p. 137And when ye have done ſo, according to knowledge, then obſerve an Analogie or congruitie in this buſineſſe; as thus; would you know how you may invite Chriſt? As thou doeſt thy much honoured friend before ſpoken of; Thou doeſt ſolemnly entreat his company that day; thy preparations are anſwerable to that reſpect thou beareſt unto him; ſuch company, ſuch cheer, ſuch a cōmunion, as is every way ſutable. After this manner invite Chriſt; but remembring ſtill, both Chriſt and his Diſciples, they ſtand cloſe together, and can never be parted.

But if Chriſt come in, our myrth muſt go out; He marres Object. 2 all our muſick. That is the common objection. He is too ſtrict and ſowre a gueſt for ſuch a time: ſo it is ſaid, or ſo it is thought. Why? It is certain; there is a Chriſtian libertie Anſw. to be taken at this time, even by Chriſt's own allowance. If ever mirth be comely, then at a wedding dinner: if ever good cheer be in ſeaſon, and ſome exceeding that way both in mirth and cheer, then at ſuch a feaſt; it is not properly a feaſt without it, not a marriage feaſt I am ſure: And ſuch a feaſt it is even by allowance from our great Maſter of that feaſt. But now we muſt take this along with us: 1. There is great cauſe, that we ſhould watch over our ſelves, and over our affections now, more ſpecially, becauſe, where God gives a libertie, there man is prone to make an exceſſe.

2. We muſt account that a mad mirth, which grieves the Spirit of God. 3. That to be a moſt unkinde requitall of the Lord, where He hath made our table like a full paſture, there to exalt the heart, or to lift up the heel. And all this we are apt to do, therefore muſt we be the more circumſpect, and watchfull over our ſelves at ſuch a time, that things may be done decently and in order; that all may ſhew forth Chriſtian honeſtie, prudence, wiſdome, modeſtie. And this, becauſe that day, having an influence into all our following dayes, may be ſo diſpoſed and paſſed over, that it may be a pledge of a bleſſing upon all the reſt. And this is according to Gods holy ordinance.

And ſo much, Childe, for thy better proviſion and preparation p. 138for this great and ſolemne buſineſſe; Of convenient entrance into this honourable eſtate, wherein I have diſcovered the great abuſes and diſorders about it, for thy better warning; and the more to engage thee to thy duty, which was twofold: The well looking to thy ſelf, thy ſingle cure, and then looking up to God, leaving the reſt in their hands, who are thy parents, or deputed ſo to he; What their charge is, we have heard, even their five fold duty.

It follows now, that I adde ſomething touching our Chriſtian-like managing this worthy and honourable eſtate; as befitteth the honour of it, whereon depends our comfortable living in it.

2. We ſuppoſe now, that affections at the firſt meeting II. §.are ſtrongeſt, like a ſpring-tide; there are ſome certain fluſhes, as I may ſay, of Love, and Ioy, from the preſent enjoyment each of other. Here then is required more wiſdome then we have to moderate our affections (now in their hot fit) and to temper them with knowledge and diſcretion: For this we muſt know, that there is as much difference betwixt theſe ſudden fluſhes of love, and a well grounded affection, as is betwixt the burning heat of a feaver, and the naturall heat of a ſound and healthy body.

It is of ſoveraigne uſe to help us in the guiding the ſtream of our affections in the right channell, to conſider; Who it is, that makes the Creature ſo ſuitable, lovely and beautifull; who it is, I ſay, that adorns and beautifies both the Bridegroom, and the Bride. To forget this, ſeems as unreaſonable, as it is impoſſible for a maid to forget her ornament, or a Bride her attire ffJer. 2. 32.Jer 2:32. And if it be remembred, it will beget ſome reciprocation, both of affection and duty, to Him, from whom we have all our comelineſſe ggEzek. 16. 14.Ezek 16:14, and the ſtream of our affections will run right; We ſhall greatly rejoyce in the Lord, for he hath clothed us with the garments of ſalvotion, He hath covered us with the robe of righteouſneſſe, as a Bridegroom decketh himſelf with ornaments, and as a Bride adorneth her ſelf with her jewells hhIſa. 61. 10.Isa 61:10.

And it will help alſo much to advance our affections that p. 139way, where our treaſure is or ſhould be, if we conſider that expreſſion, then which, there is not another more feeling one in all the ſacred Scripture (except in the 103 pſalme verſe the 13.) As the Bridegroom rejoyceth over his Bride, ſo ſhall thy God rejoyce over theeiiIſa. 62. 5.Isa 62:5

This conſideration would much help us in the keeping our hearts to God, the ſole fountain of life and happineſſe; and from cleaving to the Creature, which at the beſt, is but as a Ciſterne kkJer. 2. 13.Jer 2:13, which fills and empties according as its influence is from the fountain. It would be a means to cut our expectation the ſhorter, that it ſpread not out too large towards the Creature; which (though our thoughts are otherwiſe, but they have no bottom) cannot ſatisfie; nor is it poſſible it ſhould, no more then the Eaſt-winde can fill the ſtomack; there will be an emptineſſe notwithſtanding, or a filling with winde, ſuch a vanitie there is, that lieth upon the Creature. And then the more we ſhall enlarge and widen our hearts towards it, the more the Creature may contract, and narrow it ſelf towards us, for our juſt puniſhment; and ſo, the heart, finding a capacitie in it ſelf, and a narrowneſſe in the Creature, it would finde ſo large content in, but cannot, nor is it poſſible it ſhould, there groweth a ſatietie, then a flatneſſe, then perhaps a coldneſſe: whereas a true and orderly love would have kept it ſelf in life and heat, and have maintained a good proportion in both, &c llforeign &c. foreign &c. Ibid..

Sinne hath wonderfully poyſoned our natures, and put all out of frame: And if we be left in our own hands, we ſhall pervert Gods good ordinance, and turn it into ſinne; ſo, that which was ordained as a remedie againſt ſinne, may prove, through our ſinne, an occaſion to foment it the more. For indeed, thoſe very expedient remedies (on which we may dote too much, and put too much truſt unto) conſidered in themſelves withou… a divine influence ſanctifying them, are but crazy and ſickly. They cannot put us into a ſound conſtitution, or right temper, nor keep us in it, no more then meat and drink can, till the ſtomach be cleanſed, and a word of bleſſing from the Lord of the Creature doth p. 140accompany them, but if abuſed to intemperancy, our good temper is more loſt, our diſtemper is increaſed, as fire by fuell put unto it. The reddition or application hereof to our preſent purpoſe, is very eaſie, but I forbear it.

Over ſome things we muſt draw a vail, and when we walk under that, we muſt walk the more comely, and honourably: No cover hides from God, whoſe eyes run to and fro through the whole world mm2. Chron. 16. 9.2 Chr 16:9. But though all things are bare and naked before the Lord, even the hidden works of darkneſſe, yet we muſt note that the Lord beholdeth us more narrowly, and taketh a more ſtrict obſervation of our way in thoſe places, where mans eye cannot look in upon us. There is the very tryall of our ſinceritie and uprightneſſe, and thither the Lords eyes come; And withall (as I may ſay, for the Scripture intimates ſo much) with a light or torch in His hand; we cannot be hid. Therefore look we muſt to our ſelves more eſpecially in the dark, becauſe there we are moſt obſerved.

This is a point of ſpeciall conſideration, and concernment to make this eſtate comfortable unto us, and, as it is uſually called, honourable. To teach us well to order our affections, and to carry the ſtreame thereof in a right channell. But more ſpecially the words of Chryſoſtome may teach very much, theſe they are: He loved his people committed unto him, as the Bridegroome the Bride, and thus he beſpeaks them nnforeign &c. In Act. Apoſt. ap. 23. Hom. foreign.; I love you, ſaid he, and ye love me; ſo we do well, but we do not enough, nor orderly neither, unleſſe we fulfill the firſt commandement firſt. Let us all love Chriſt, with all our might, with an exceeding love, who hath done all for us, and hath exceeded to us ward: let us exceed (if there can be an exceeding that way;) Then our love will run in a right channell, from Him to Him. This concerns you and me very much, let us put to all our might here, let us love Him with fervency of ſpirit; for foreignpitie it is that ſo ſweet an affection ſhould be ſpent and loſt upon the Creatures: that's the concluſion.

2. It will conduce much to our after content and quiet; p. 141if we, at the firſt, count our coſt, and fore-caſt diſcontent; I mean, if we expect troubles, and keep a room for them (as was ſaid) for come they will, being the proper badge of a Chriſtian, and the very acceſſaries of a married eſtate nn1. Cor. 7. 28.1 Cor 7:28. Some mens thoughts are ſo youthfull, that they can think of no change, but that it will be May-tide all the yeare; they think of nothing but the preſent, and that, as it is at preſent, it will be alwayes; though that preſent time paſſeth, as quick as the thought, and troubles follow, as the night, the day: but this they think not of. We know whoſe conceit it was, that every quarter of the yeare would mend, and prove better and more eaſie to him; but it proved otherwiſe, for it was the vain and ſimple conceit of ſuch a ſimple creature, whoſe nature is inferiour to a fool; The morall is ours, and teacheth that every quarter of life, the Conjugall ſtate more ſpecially, hath ſome proper and peculiar troubles attending on it; and the more we account of them, the better we ſhall bear them.

Things may go croſſe for want of care, ſo may they notwithſtanding all our care. It is a true ſaying, we know not the faults of our yoke-fellows before we are married, nor quickly then; there is enough reaſon and cunning alſo, to hide them before. And now, that we know them, we might have known before; that two Angells are not met together; but two frail creatures; whereof the beſt is full enough of infirmities: And this true wiſdome counts of before hand, and that is to count the coſt; then nothing can come which was not expected.

We muſt expect to enjoy bleſſings with afflictions ooM Dearings letter. 12.; a mirgling our joy with ſorrow; our wealth with ſome woe; a tempering heaven with earth; and this is a happy tempering, that we ſhould neither love nor reſt in this earth, above that which is meet, but acknowledge all is but vanitie: and ſo we ſhould love it as tranſitory things, and have our great delight in the Lord alone. And if this be our wiſdome in this particular and more ſpeciall buſineſſe, then, if matters be not well, we make them well; and, if not our yoke fellows, yet our ſelves the better.

p. 142We muſt note a ſecond thing alſo, for it is of great uſe, for the keeping the unitie of the Spirit in the bond of peace; that in marriage there are two things eſſentiall to it, and ſeem contrary, but indeed are not; An honourable equalitie, and an inequalitie; A ſuperioritie, and an inferioritie: both founded in nature upon the ſtrength and ſufficiency of one ſex, and weakneſſe and inſufficiencie of the other.

The equalitie conſiſteth in this, that man and wife ſhould count nothing their own; ppReade Chryſ. in Epheſ. cap. 5. Hom. 20. ω.Eph 5miae and thine, two words that make ſo much difference and diviſion in the world, muſt not be heard in the houſe between man and wife; no, never heard in that communitie; All things are in common betwixt them; ſouls, bodies, goods, friends, acquaintance, one the others; all common.

The inequalitie or ſuperioritie conſiſteth in the husbands headſhip, and power over the wife, he is ſupreme as the head.

Now here is a point of high wiſdome; ſith a conjugall eſtate is a drawing together in one yoke, and the yoke ſeem unequall; yet to draw ſtrait and even, and in a right path; This, I ſay, is a point of high wiſdome, for it is taught from above qqThere is but one will in an houſe, when the will of the wife to her husband, and her husbands is ſubject to God.: And where this wiſdome is not, there theſe two things, which ſeem contrary, but are not, will be contrary indeed; and that, which is indeed the foundation of all order, which proceedeth from unitie, as the head, will cauſe great diſorder.

But where this wiſdome is, this teaching from above, it will be thus diſcerned and exerciſed; The husband, ſuperiour to himſelf and his own will, ſweetly commands himſelf, looking carefully there (that is the Apoſtles rule and method to all, that have overſight and authoritie over others, as well as paſtours, our ſelves firſt, then others rrActs 20. 28. 1. Tim. 4. 16.Acts 20:281 Tim 4:16) And ſo commands his wife; And ſhe, again, as ſweetly and willingly obeys him: The husband lives with his wife, and rules, as a man of underſtanding; and the wife ſubmits, as a woman, that hath knowledge: The husband counts it his greateſt dignitie, to govern in the feare of God; And the wife her greateſt honour to ſubmit thereunto. It is not baſeneſſe, but a p. 143point of a nobleminde to know ones ſelf inferiour, and to demeane ones ſelf accordingly, ſaith Chryſoſtome. A wife by taking that to her ſelf, which belongs to her husband, as ſſChryſoſt. on Eph. 6. Hom. 22. α. foreign Chry. Cor Hom. 26. foreign. &c in Med μ.Eph 6his proper right and charter, doth not, in ſo doing, take the honour of the man, but looſeth the ornament of the woman, ſaith the ſame Father in another place. Indeed there is not a more unſeemely and unworthy ſight, then to ſee a wife uſurp the authoritie over the man; It is like a body, I have ſometime ſeen, whoſe head was bowed down ſo cloſe to the breaſt, that behind, you could ſcarce diſcern any thing but the ſhoulders. Certainly, it is a ſeemely ſight, To ſee ttThere is much in the example of a good maſter to make all follow his ſleps; though he ſay nothing, yet children and ſervants may ſee enough, whereby they may be taught. Chryſoſt. in cap. 17. Gen. hom. 40. ωthe head ſtand out in ſight; and the contrary, as unſeemely. And as unſeemely every whit, if the man demean himſelf unworthy of his place, if he be not anſwerable to his honour and headſhip, it will but diſgrace him the more: being like a pearle ſet in lead, or a jewell in a ſwines ſnout, a skull without braines; or an head without wit.

It is not to be doubted, but the prime dutie, and the very weight of the burden lyeth upon the man; It is much how he leadeth the way, and draweth here: for the head is the Glory and Crown of the Body; and to be an Head imports a preheminence, and ſoveraigntie; it implyes alſo a derivation of the ſpirits thence to the members, which being intercepted, the body would quickly fall into a dead palſie ttVt in corporibus, ſic in imperio graviſſimus eſt morbus qui à capite diffunditur. Plin. l. 4. ep. 22. ω Morbido Capite nil ſanum eſt: neque ullum omnino membrum efficio ſuo ſungitur, ubi quod eſt principale non conſtat. de Salv. de Guber. l. 7. pag. 234.; All which ſtrongly argueth the mans principall charge and duty, to whom belongs the headſhip; and therefore is the principall and leading example; The man by his example muſt lead on the wife to faith; elſe what is one in the fleſh, will be two in the ſpirit, that is, divided, ſaith Chryſologus. uuVir conjugem dedicat ad fid…m, ne quodunum eſt in carne ſpiritu ſit d…v…ſ…m. Ser. 10. As it is in printing, when on Sheet is ſet a thouſand are eaſily preſſed after it: ſo when the maſter hath a good impreſſion upon him, his family is eaſily ſtampt to piety If Grace that pretious oyntment be plentifully in the head and heart of the Maſter, it will quickly diſtill to his skirts, children and ſervants.The man is in his place, though of the loweſt ranke, yet in his place, as the great parſons in their great ſeas; as the Ad…irall ſhip that beares the Lanthorne, all p. 144ſteare after it: And indeed this man, though in a low Chap. 6 § 2 eſtate of life, yet being out of order, can blow as big, and raiſe as great ſtormes proportionably in his little pond, as the other doe in their great ſeas, ſo Lipſius phraſeth it xxDe Conſt. lib. 2. chap 25. ſee part firſt p. 93. … The lightneſſe of my family ſhall be ſaid to my charge, ſo my con…cience makes me feare for lacke of more earneſt and deligent inſtruction which ſhould have beene done. Biſhop Ridly to Maſter weſt martyr. p. 1569.; Therefore whether the man be in high place or low, it is very much how he leadeth the way, for he is as one that carryeth the Lanthorne. If the husband hath received the ſtampe of holineſſe, as was ſaid, yyEpiſtle to the firſt part.he will quickly preſſe his houſhold with the ſame impreſſion: if Grace, that pretious oyntment, be in the head of the head in an houſe, it will, quickly deſtill to his skirts, Children and ſervants. A husband ſhould know that he is not more above his wife, in place, then in example. Therefore what is done a miſſe in thehouſe, will returne upon the man, as moſt blame-worthy. My conſcience makes me feare, that the lightneſſe of my family ſhall be laid upon my charge, for lacke of more earneſt and diligent inſtruction, which ſhould have been done, ſaid Biſhop Ridly to Maſter Weſt. Woe and woe againe, if we by our examples, ſhould make others to ſtumble at the Truth; So Iohn Bradford to Iohn Careleſſe zzMartyr. pag. 1569. Pag. 1494.It is a tradition, that Matthias the Apoſtle was uſed to ſay; If a goodmans neighbour did fall into any great ſinne, the goodman was to be blamed: for if that goodmans life had been ſutable to his Rule, the Word of God, then had his example, according to rule, ſo awed that neighbor, that he had not ſo falne, ſaid Clemens of Alexandria aaforeign Strom. l. 7. pag. 541.. Much more may the ſame be ſaid touching the husband and the wife; the father and the child; the maſter and the ſervant; if any thing be amiſſe, if things goe not ſtraight in the family, it is very likely; the husband, the father, the maſter, walke not according to rule, but ſome croſſe or crooked way, for he is the head, the leading hand. The ſtarres are eclipſed oftner then the greater lights, but their eclipſe we obſerve not; but if the Sunne or Moone are eclipſed, our eyes are upon them, for the one rules the day, the other the night. Inferiors faile often in their duty; but the obſervation is, what their Superiours, what their Governours doe. They are in their little houſe, as the Sunne p. 145and Moone are in the great world, The little great Rulers therein. Therefore it requires our Marke; That it was the Man, for whoſe faithfulneſſe the Lord did undertake; I know that Abraham will command his children, and his houſehold, &c. bbGen. 18. 19.Gen 18:19Command, marke that; Command not ſo much by his Word, though that was a command too, but by example. That hath more force in it, more of that we call compulſon; Abraham will command. And it was the Man, that promiſed for himſelf; I and my houſe will ſerve the Lord, Ioſhua laſt 15. It was the man, and a man after Gods own heart, that ſaid, I will walk within my houſe with a perfect heart; (Pſal. 101.) And much reformation muſt follow, for the removing of the wicked from his ſeat and ſight, and for the encouragement of the godly; as it is plain in that place: And, which is more, this was a great houſe, a kingdome.

It was a man, and one under authoritie, though he had ſouldiers under him (and they are none of the tameſt creatures) who did ſay to this man go, and he went, and to another come and he came; and to his ſervant do this, and he did it.

And to put the loweſt laſt (for indeed he was much below a Chriſtian, but quite ſhames him) it was an old man, and a darkman; That had foure ſonnes, ſtout young men; five daughters; many ſervants; a great retinue; over all, this man carried himſelf with ſuch authoritie, with ſuch a Lord like command, but ſo well tempered, as his ſervants feared him, his children reverenced him, all honoured and loved him: In the houſe you might ſee, ſaith the author, ccCic. de Senec.the old paternall authoritie and diſcipline revive again.

All theſe examples charge the man ſtill, and good reaſon, that he ſhould be accountable, being principall, and the head of the family, the chiefeſt pillar in it, that holds up all; And, though the wife be (as ſhe ſhould be) more faithfull in her place, then Bibulus in his office, yet the husband carryeth the chiefe name of all, being the more worthy perſon; and Lord in the houſe: And the wife is well content with p. 146it; ſhe counted the husbands honour here; and ſo it is: And being alwayes (as the Moon is ſometimes with the Sun) in a full aspect with her husband, then ſhe caſteth the greateſt luſtre, then ſhe is moſt bright. Similies muſt not be ſtrained too farre; Wives muſt not ſhine then the brighteſt, when Angariari Parabolam.the husband is fartheſt off, though then alſo, though not her clothes, yet her vertues may ſhine the clearer; for then her wiſdome in governing and commanding doth fully appeare, when the husband is farre off; And her husband is knowne thereby; Hee ſitteth among the Elders, and her owne workes ſhall praiſe her in the gates. A good wife is ſtill in full aſpect with her husband. Certainly, it is the comelieſt ſight in the world, To ſee man and wife going in all things, as Peter and Iohn went to the Temple, together, ddAct 3 1.Acts 3:1(it was ſpoken of before) eeEpiſt. to the firſt part.where there are cloven hearts and divided tongues, there is no edifying in that houſe, but a Babell of confuſion rather.

But now ſuppoſe the caſe, as it is too ordinary, that the man is the weaker veſſell; the head goeth the contrary way, it is ſo ſurcharged, or the heart is ſo like a ſtone; ſuppoſe the caſe ſo, that the head is ſo diſtempered and Nabal-like, that it cannot leade the way, how then? This is a croſſe in the way and a great one; but it muſt be taken up and borne; and the wife muſt, as was ſaid, ffPag. 104.ſpeake good of it: we muſt not chuſe every day: If the choice is made and the two are yoaked, they muſt draw as well as they can, and be content. They muſt uſe all the skill they have to fit the yoak to their Neck, elſe it will prove an yron-yoake. Before I have choſen, I may fit my choice to my mind; when I have choſen, I muſt fit my mind to my choice: before, things might have beene otherwiſe: now they cannot, I muſt not now goe Croſſe to my Croſſe, for that is to make it a double Croſſe. Patience and meekneſſe in bearing and forbearing, ggProv. 25. 12. and 15. very notable.Prov 25:12Prov 25:15wins much upon a contrary diſpoſition, and at length may overcome it; but if not, and the labour be loſt: yet, as ſaith the hhChryſoſt. Tom. 5. de Laz con. 1.Greeke Father, (applying it to Miniſters waiting, when God will give repentance) the reward will not be loſt, no nor p. 147the labour neither, for if the wife cannot better her husband, yet ſhe will make her ſelfe the better, as the old ſaying is, iiMariti vitium aut tollendum, aut ſerendum: quae tollit, maritum commod…orem praeſtat, quae fert, ſ…ſe meliorem ſacit. Aul. Gell. lib. chap. 17.and it concernes the wife, as well as the husband. But how bad ſoever the husband be, his badneſſe ſhall not beare her out, nor have her excuſed for the neglect of her proper duties, and walking with God in his wayes, nothing ſhall plead her excuſe for any neglect therein.

We are apt to quarrell with our bleſſings, much more with our croſſes, and with that calling, that God hath ſet us in and allotted us unto. But, aſſuredly that excuſe ſhall leave us ſpeechleſſe; though we thinke every thing will be of weight ſufficient to have us excuſed, yet we ſhall find it but a meere conceit: nothing is of weight ſufficient to excuſe from the doing of duty, kkFirſt part p 174.it ſhall not be an excuſe for the man to ſay; Lord, I had done my duty as thou commandeſt, but that Thou gaveſt me a ſcoffing Michal; nor ſhall it ſerve the wife to ſay, Lord, I had done my part, had I not been yoaked to a Nabal.

The man failing in his dutie, ſhall not hold the wife excuſed, for her failing in hers; If the man leades ill, the woman muſt not follow ill; it was a good anſwer to an abuſing and an over-bearing commander, Doe you what you will, I will doe what I ought: llforeign. The head hath an head. All things ſhall be done as you will have it, but you muſt command, as God will have it.The wife looſeth her fathers name, and muſt forget her fathers houſe, but ſhe muſt not forget her Lords charge, nor her vow in Baptiſme, nor the name was called upon her then. Her head hath an Head; and therefore ſhe muſt ſay to her husband, as Ignatius to the Prieſt, All things ſhall be done, as you will have it, but then you muſt command as God will have it mmIgnatius to a Prieſt. Chryſ. Tom. 6. in vet. … Princip. p. 10. Charrun.. The husband muſt command in the Lord, and ſo muſt be obeyed: if otherwiſe, yet he muſt not put out the eyes of his wife; ſhe hath a light to guide her, beſides her husbands falſe rule. The husbands exorbitancy from his rule, will be a croſſe, and no ſmall one; a block in the wives way, and a very clog hindering, that ſhe cannot walke on with ſpeed, alacrity and comfort; but is ſo farre from warranting the wives aberration from the way God commands to walke in, that it the more binds p. 148and engageth her unto it, her bond is rather the ſtraighter, as her praiſe will be the more. And this we muſt ſtill note; Not to obey as we ſhould, is more dangerous to ſociety, then not to command as we ſhould; though they ſhall not be unpuniſhed that are careleſſe in either, being both the fountaine of all humaine ſociety.

If the wife muſt ſtand alone; ſo farre from an helper that her husband is an hinderer, then ſhe ſtands ſingle and charged but with her ſingle duty; I and my maidens, ſaith a woman, a Queene, that had attendants anſwerable to her ſtate; yet ſhe would ſeeke God in His owne way, ſo ſhould her maydens too nnEſther 4. 16.Esth 4:16: indeed ſhe lived apart, and therefore might much better maintaine her authority. It is not eaſie to maintaine it there, either over maidens or children, where the husband in preſence, will fooliſhly and unworthily contradict or ſlight the ſame. But however the wife muſt doe her duty, I and my children, I and my maidens, Eſter is a cleare patterne, who lived apart from her Lord. And if that comes not ſo home, Ahigals carriage is exemplary, who was very unequally yoaked. But now (for I cannot paſſe over this point lightly,) that the husband and the wife may draw even, though the yoake ſeeme to be, or indeed is, uneven, let them conſider, the husband firſt; Let him remember that houre, when the father gave his daughter to him; for then the father gave his daughter out of his own hands, & from under the tender-eye of the mother, ſo intruſting her unto his righthand: ſhe leaves her deare parents and their houſe, that ſweet ſociety and commu…ion there: ſhe forſakes all theſe ſo well reliſhing comforts, which ſhe found in her parents houſe: nay, ſhe forſakes her ſelfe, for ſhe looſeth her name, that is the propriety in her ſelfe. And what imports all this (ſaith Chryſoſtome ooEpiſt. ad Cor. Hom 26. ω.,) but that the husband ſhould now be to her inſtead of all thoſe, as a carefull father, as a tender mother, as her deareſt brother, as her ſweeteſt ſiſter, as her only ſelfe; that in him ſhe may find her ſelfe againe. In a word, the father giving his daughter implies and expects thus much; that his daughter ſhall now find all thoſe comforts ſum'd up in her husband; in him, the Abridgement p. 149and Epitome of all. All this will be remembred if he remember that time when his wife was intruſted to his right hand.

And the wife muſt remember alſo that at that very time, ſhe engaged her word, that ſhe would reverence her husband as a father; honour him, as her Lord; obſerve his eye, as her mothers; tender him, as ſhe can her deareſt brother, or ſweeteſt ſiſter; that ſhe will be unto him as an haven (ſo the father ſpeakes) that when her husband comes home, perhaps in ſome ſtorme (as few men there are, that, from within or from without, find not winds enough to cauſe it,) yet then, and at ſuch a time, he may find an haven at home, all calme there. If the wife remembers that time, ſhe muſt remember, that to all this ſhe ſtands bound by a moſt ſolemne promiſe. And thus the husband and wife both may learne and looke to their proper duty; That the husband love the wife, the wife honour the husband. O beware (for this is a nice and tender point,) beware, leſt we blow that coale, which will ſparkle, and quickly kindle a flame; foreſee and prevent all occaſions, which may make the leaſt difference or ſmalleſt diviſion betwixt the man and his wife, for the breach will be quickly great like the Sea, ppLam. 2. 23.Lam 2:23who can heale it? And then, that which ſhould have beene as an haven, will be a Tempeſtuous Sea. For when there is difference betwixt the man and the woman, the houſe fares no better, ſaith Chryſoſtome qqIn epiſt. ad Cor. Hom. 19. ω,, then the Ship doth in a ſtorme, when the Maſter and the Pilot fall to pieces; now if the agreement be not made quickly, and the difference accorded, the Ship will fall to pieces upon the Rocke. And ſo much touching the joynt duty of man and wife; and that, though the yoake ſeeme unequall, yet they may draw even; and that in caſe the one faile in duty, it is no excuſe for the failing of both; how both are inſtructed, and from what time. Other duties there are, but they have beene already intimated in the firſt part. What may more particularly concern thy ſelf, child, whoſe inſtruction I ſpecially intend, now briefely followeth.

Every eſtate is ſubject to grievances, more ſpecially the p. 150married; To ſpeak briefly of them, and as briefly to give ſome proviſion againſt them, I rank them under two heads; feare of evills future; ſenſe of evills preſent. Touching both theſe, the only troublers of our life and peace, ſome few directions.

1. There is but one thing which is evill indeed, which truly and properly is the troubler of our peace and quiet; But one thing, And that is ſin: It hath ſo much malignitie in it, that it can put a ſting, and ſet an edge upon croſſes; That it can make our good things evill to us; can turn our bleſſings into curſes, can make our table, our bed, &c. all ſnares to us; It will leaven our reſt and peace whereby others are edified walking in the feare of God, and in the comforts of the holy Ghoſt rrAct. 7. 31.Acts 7:31; This reſt and peace (a comprehenſion of all bleſſings) through ſinne, will ſlay our ſoules, and be our ruine, which was, as we heard, the building up of others: ſo malignant, ſo deſtroying, ſinne is; more malignant more deſtroying this ſinne is, this evill work, then is the mouth of a Lion, as the Apoſtle intimateth very uſefully, 2 Tim. 4. 17, 18. Therefore more to be avoyded, therefore we ſhould more deſire to be delivered from it, then from that devourer.

For as there is but one thing properly evill, ſo but one thing to be feared as evill: Feare not wants, nor diſgrace by wants, turn thy feare the right way, feare ſinne, and avoid an evill work; So Iſid. Peluſ. writeth to his friend ffLib. 3. ep. 101.. And it is but the concluſion, or a caſe long ſince reſolved by Chryſoſtome ttforeign. Chryſoſt. Tom. 4. epiſt. limp. See Hom. 5. ad Pop. Ant., Sinne is the onelyonly thing to be feared, whereof he makes a full and cleare demonſtration thus; Suppoſe, ſaith he, they are thoſe three great and ſore evills, famine, ſword, and peſtilence, which threaten us? (he names them and many more) why, theſe are but temporary, and but the fruit and effects of ſinne; they continue but their time, and ſhall have their end; nay ſuppoſe they are thoſe two great winding-ſheets uuL. Ver. Eſſaies. 58. 330.of the world (as one calleth them) and Lege Sen. nat. quaeſt. lib. 6. c. 1.as the floud of ungodlineſſe doth threaten an inundation of water, or an earthquake, plagues threatned and inflicted to p. 151waſh away ſinne, and as a puniſhment thereof: Then, yet ſtill ſinne is to be feared, not thoſe; It is fooliſh to feare the effect, and to allow the cauſe. Conſider alſo (ſo the Father reaſons the caſe or to that purpoſe) will xxSee Chryſoſt. de terrae motu. Tom. 5. ſer. 6. Lege Sen. Ibid.it be terrible to ſee the earth totter like a drunken man, and threatning confuſion in an inſtant, and men flying before it, but they know not whither? how dreadfull then will be the wrath of God, which will be heavier then the heavieſt mountain, and ſhall be manifeſted from Heaven, as the juſt portion of ſinners, ſinking the ſoul under the ſame to all eternitie: how dreadfull will that be? and ſinne makes it ſo: if it were not for ſinne, though the earth ſhake, we could not be moved; what ever evill come upon the face of it, yet would it be good to us; it could not hurt; therefore fear not the earthquake (that is moſt terrible and affrighting) but feare ſinne the cauſe that makes the earth to reel: I adde, and flie from it, as Moſes before the Serpent; and as they fled before the earthquake yyZach. 14. 5.Zech 14:5, and flie to Him, who is the propitiation for ſinne, if we ſo do, (as we muſt needs do, if we apprehend ſinne to be ſo evill, for we will avoid poyſon, when we know it to be ſo) This will take away the trouble and ſting of feare, and prevent the ſhaking fit thereof.

I have told thee a great leſſon now, and to make it yet plainer, I will reade it over again; Sinne onelyonly is to be feared; I mean that ſinne I am not humbled for, I have not repented of, that onelyonly is to be feared, for it makes every thing fearfull; Death, they ſay, is terrible; of all things moſt terrible; It is not ſo to him, who hath repented of his ſinne, and is at peace with God, he can die as willingly, as we can fall aſleep, when we are weary. The priſon, ſword, fire, fearfull things all, an earthquake very terrible, not ſo to them, who have made God their rock, and refuge, to whom they can continually reſort; feare nothing but ſinne, and the hiding of Gods loving countenance from thee; for the lightſomeneſſe thereof is better then life. Feare the leaſt eclipſe of His light, and every thing that may cauſe it, for it is more refreſhing p. 152to the ſoul, then the Sun beames to the earth. Mark this ſtill; when ſinne ſheweth its full▪face (we ſee but the half now, and in a falſe glaſſe too) and when God hideth His face, there will be, to ſay no more, a fainting. The ſervants of the Lord have been under heavy preſſures, yet then they fainted not; they have been in priſons, and there they fainted not; thence they have been brought to the ſtake, there they fainted not; fire was put to, and flaming about their eares, and then they fainted not: but when ſinne ſhews it ſelf, and God hides Himſelf, then the next news is ever, The ſpirit faileth. Zophars counſell is the cloſe hereof; If iniquitie, &c. Iob 11. Verſe 14. 15. &c.

Now touching our preſent grievances incumbent and upon us; Theſe are either imaginary or reall; and the imaginary, as one ſaith, are more then the reall; we make ſome grievances to our ſelves, and we feel them ſo, becauſe we fancy them ſo; we call for them before they come, becauſe our imagination, (a wilde and ungovernd'd thing) leades us and miſleades; he was led with a conceit and troubled with it, who complained of a thornie way, when it was not ſo, but he had one in his foot.

The way to help this, is to take a right ſcale of things, and to weigh them by judgement, which, interpoſing, thus reſolveth and aſſureth:

1. As thou ſhalt ſhorten thy deſires, thou ſhalt lengthen thy content; the poorer thou art in the one, the richer in the other.

2. Bridle thy appetite, not accounting ſuperfluous things neceſſary.

3. Feed thy body and clothe it zzCultus magna cura magna virtutis incuria ex Catone. Cal. Inſt. lib. 3. cap. 10. ſer. 4., but ſerve it not, that muſt ſerve thee. If thou ſhalt pamper or pride it, the order will be inverted, and all out of order; that which ſhould obey, will rule.

4. Meaſure all things by the compaſſe of right reaſon (Sinne never wanted a reaſon, yet we call it unreaſonable) by reaſon, I ſay, not by opinion aaOpinioni inſitum tum variare & poenitere ut Chamaeleon, &c. Lipſ. cont. 1. ep. 12.or conceit, a fluttering, ranging thing, it can finde no bottom to ſettle on; it is as changeable p. 153as the winde; it feeds as they ſay, one doth upon the aire, therefore is ſtill gaping, but never content.

Laſtly and chiefly, for it is the ſumme of all; be aſſured hereof; that outward things cannot inwardly ſatisfie bbCapacem Dei non implet minus Deo.. This finite, requires an infinite; He that filleth the earth with His mercies, muſt fill the ſoul with His goodneſſe, elſe there will be an emptineſſe. Expect then a ſatisfaction, a filling from that hand, who alone can give it. O farre be it, if God ſhall enlarge thy earthly portion, and caſt thy lot in a pleaſant place, to ſay, as an unwiſe and unthankfull people once did, We are Lords (that is, we have a full portion in a fruitfull land, whereof we are Lords, and wherein we take contentment) we will come no more unto thee ccJer. 2. 31.Jer 2:31. Look upon outwards, as cyſterns, which cannot fill but from the wellhead; and being filled, empty again.

How pleaſant ſoever thy lot be in reſpect of them, yet ſay ſtill; But it is good for me, to draw neare ddPſal. 73. 28.Ps 73:28unto God; and to continue with Him too eeforeign. Acts 11. 23. foreign Acts 13. 43.Acts 11:23Acts 13:43. And be reſtleſſe in thy deſire, untill thou canſt ſay, thou art the portion of my ſoul: Thus judgement interpoſing reſolveth; and it helpeth much to cure the imaginary grievances of our life: for if we be poore, we are not the further from Chriſt; nor, if rich, are we the nearer. The like we may ſay of health and ſickneſſe; of honour and diſhonour, even the very ſame, which the Aooſtle ſpeaks of that, wherein the Church of old much gloried in and doted upon, They are nothing ff1. Cor. 7. 19. Prov. 23. 4.1 Cor 7:19Prov 23:4; Things that are not in the wiſe mans account; for indeed, he had an eye, that could look into and through them: And therefore as God made all things by His power of nothing, ſo he, having wiſdome from God, made nothing of all things; nothing in reference to that one thing neceſſary; or nothing in reference to heaven, our putting forward or backward in our race thither-ward to our crown ggHe that boaſteth in his riches, &c. is as as if a fellow ſervant, fed from the ſame Maſter, at the ſame table, ſhould glory over his fellows, becauſe his hairs are longer then his fellows, ſo are his nails. Cryſ. 1. Tim. Hom. 1.. And to the ſame purpoſe Calvine ſpeaks upon the forenamed Scripture; For outward things, ſaith he, be not over-carefull, or over-troubled, look that thy heart be turned, and thy life changed, then care not for other changes and turnings of things below▪ come wants, come p. 154ſickneſſe, diſhonour, diſgrace, reproach and ſo forth; come what will or can come, they make ſome change or alteration with us on earth below; they alter not our ſtate at all, they make no change at all with us above in heaven. Health is nothing, ſickneſſe nothing; riches nothing, povertie nothing; honour nothing, diſhonour nothing; What then may wee properly call ſomething? That the Apoſtle ſheweth in the following words; The keeping the commandments of God; For in Chriſt Ieſus neither this, nor that availeth any thing, but A new Creature, or Faith which worketh by love Gal. 6. 15. & 5. 6.Gal 6:15Gal 5:6So much to remedie our imaginary grievances, that proceed from the ſickneſſe and diſtemper of our fancy, which calls things, that are not, or are nothing, as if they were, or were ſomething; and that which indeed is, and is All, as if it were not, or nothing at all. This is the fruit of our diſtemper; And this, which thou haſt heard, may, with a bleſſing from Above, give ſome cure and remedie unto the ſame. A chief remedie alſo it is againſt thoſe, we call reall grievances, whereunto notwithſtanding I muſt ſay ſomething, which now follows.

There are reall grievances in a married eſtate; not ſuch, which we fancy to be ſo, but we know to be ſo; as we know worm-wood is bitter, and honey ſweet, being of the nature of the thing.

And here I come to the bottom, and finde the root of theſe alſo, it is our fooliſhneſſe, our ſinne; that is it, which ſowres all, and brings a curſe upon our bleſſings. As the Father ſaith iiforeign. Ch…yſ. Tom. 5. ſer. 32., Where Chriſt is, there is heaven: ſo truly we may ſay, where ſinne is, there is hell, for ſo we finde it to be, even from thence, our vexation and pain. And therefore if I ſhould ſpeak in a word, the way to help theſe grievances is to pluck out the core of our wound, which puts us to all the ſmart and pain. That core is ſinne: Sinne is it, which cauſeth our ſorrowing, even ſorrow upon ſorrow. Therefore if we look for an healing-up, pluck that core out: And then ſet grace againſt theſe grievances, ſo we may be as grieving, as ſorrowing, and yet even then and alwayes rejoycing. If Nature teach bees, p. 155not onelyonly to gather honey out of ſweet flowers, but out of bitter: Shall not grace teach us to draw even out of the bittereſt condition ſomething to better our ſouls? Man hath learned to tame other creatures, even the wildeſt; Grace will teach a man, how to ſubdue the greateſt troubles: but this is too generall, more particularly thus.

Learne then, ſith troubles will meet with thee; do thou ſit down counting thy coſt (as was ſaid) and go forth to meet with kkforeign, &c Before the ſtorm come, be we humbled as in a ſtorm, ſo when it comes we ſhall finde a calm peace. Chryſ. Tom. 6. vet. Teſt. 7. ω p. 99.them; then thou wilt be better provided and fore▪ armed. It is no point of wiſdome, to let an enemie to ſurprize us, on our own ground, in our own home. Troubles will come, prepare for them, leave ſome room to entertain them, as was alſo ſaid; And when they are come, there is an art to bear them, as there is to poiſe a burden, and well to fit it to the back, that it may be carried, if not without burden, yet with more eaſe.

But now, this Chriſtian likt bearing of troubles, this carrying our burdens patiently, and as we ſay, lightly and merrily away, it ſuppoſeth two main things;

1. That, through his ſtrength, by whom we are able to do all things, we have made a through work in the great and neceſſary buſineſſe of mortification; delicate and dainty fleſh will ſtartle more at the ſcratching of a pin, then mortified fleſh upon the gridiron; They that have hungred and thirſted after righteouſneſſe, can endure to be ſhortned in matters of a much lower nature; and they that dwell in heaven, while they ſojourne on earth, cannot be much diſquieted in their change; they that know, they deſerve nothing, can be glad of any thing.

And the way to come to a through mortification, (I ſpeak of an ordinary way) is to begin to deny thy ſelf in ſmall matters, thou ſhalt the eaſier do it in great. If we cannot forſake a cup of wine mmSee firſt part. p. 84.; or beere which is not needfull for us; we ſhall never be able to forſake, husband, childe, houſe, land, for Chriſts ſake. If we have not the command of our ſelves in a trifle, in a toy, we may never hope for it, in weighty matters; It is M^r Perkins note in his Comment. p. 156on Gal. 5. 24. And it comes ſeaſonable here; for married perſons ſhall have troubles in the fleſh; but if we have gone through-ſtitch in this great work, we ſhall carry our troubles with eaſe, and our burdens lightly away.

2. This patient bearing of troubles, ſuppoſeth a ſecond main thing; That we have made a right choice; I do not mean of a wife, or husband, but of that, which is an all ſufficient good, and makes all good: Therefore, make ſure of that one thing, which is neceſſary, that better part. Thou ſhalt have many ſutours; much ſolicitation thou ſhalt finde for the entertainment of other things, and for giving them the chief room in thy heart; but, be peremptory in thy deniall; give them not entertainment, they are but troublers of thy peace and quiet; what ever they ſay and promiſe beleeve them not, they are deceitfull and will change thy wages: But give this one thing, (call it godlineſſe, or the Goſpel, or Chriſt the kernell of the Goſpel, all this it contains) give it but leave to plead for it ſelf, why it ſhould be entertained; and then thou canſt not refuſe it. Admit of but ſad and ſerious thoughts, about the excellencie of this one thing, this better part, and it is not poſſible then, but thou muſt give entertainment unto it. But then, thy thoughts muſt be fixed and ſetled, not fluttering about the minde, making a through-fare there; they come and are preſently gone, like a flaſh of lightning, which makes all light about us, but is gone in an inſtant, and then leaves us more dark then before: It is a ſetled light that guides us; beſtow ſome ſetled thoughts hereon, and it ſufficeth; for it is not poſſible, that a reaſonable creature ſhould entertain ſuch things, that are troublers of its peace, and neglect the onelyonly thing neceſſarie, if he entertain ſad and ſerious thoughts about it. Goodneſſe, ſay they, nnM^r Dearings ſ…rm preached at the Tower. p. 6. reade it. foreign &c. Chryſoſt. ad epiſcop. ob pietatem in carc. incluſos. Tom. 4 α Iſid. Peluſ. lib. 2. ep. 174. Ad popul. Ant. Hom. 13.is ſo amiable and lovely, that they, who perſecute it, muſt commend it; and vice is ſo deformed, that they, who practiſe it, muſt disallow it.

If ooM^r Raynolds Pſal. 110. p. 114.Ps 110any perſon did ſeriouſly conſider and lay together ſuch thoughts as theſe; I am very buſie for the affaires and paſſages of this preſent life, which will quickly vaniſh and p. 157paſſe away like a weavers ſhuttle, or a tale that is told; I have another and an abiding life to live after this is over. All that I toile for here is but for the backe, the belly, the bagge, and the poſterity: and am I not nearer to my ſelfe, then I am to my money? Am I not nearer to my ſoule then I am to my carkeiſe, or to my ſeed? Muſt I not have a being in that, when neither I nor my poſterity have either backe to bee cloathed, or belly to bee fed, or name to bee ſupported? Oh why am I not as ſadly imployed about this one thing, which is the better part, beyond all compariſon the better? it makes that which is bad in it ſelfe, good to me; that, which is good, better. My Eternall good depends upon it, which ſhall never be taken from mee? If, I ſay, a creature, who is ſad and ſerious in other things, can bolt them out to the bran can lay together ſuch thoughts as theſe; he cannot but make choice of that, which is the only neceſſary thing, the better part, which ſhall never bee taken away; and this choice is ſuppoſed to be made by him or her, who is able to beare troubles, and to carry them lightly as an eaſie burden.

For thus ſuch a perſon reaſoneth; I am ſtript of all things, but they have not taken from me my Treaſure (as the good man ſaid ppAug. de civit. Cap. 10. l. 1.) I have my God ſtill, who will ſupply all my need qqPhil. 4. 19.Phil 4:19. I am laid low now, I ſhall be exalted hereafter; I am made the filth of the world, and the off-ſcouring rr1 Cor. 4. 13.1 Cor 4:13of all things unto this day; But in the day of the Lord, I ſhall be made up with His jewels ſſMal. 3. 17.Mal 3:17; I am perſecuted for Chriſt now, and I ſuffer it; I ſhall hereafter raigne with Chriſt, and according to the meaſure of my ſufferings ſhall my conſolations be, preſſed downe, running over, and ſo forth. Thus then looke to it, that thou makeſt a right choice; let true judgment interpoſe, then the choice will be eaſie. Get Chriſt▪ Thou haſt all: with Him, the heavieſt yoake, the world can lay upon us, will be light and eaſie. In this yoake, We are not alone: He draweth with us; With him, the ſharpeſt and moſt bitter things will be ſweet and pleaſant, for He is that Salt tt2 King. 2. 22.2 Kgs 2:22, who hath changed the property of thoſe p. 158bitter and deadly waters of Afflictions and healed them. Thus we may be able to beare lightly the heavieſt burden▪ through Him, who ſtrengthens us to doe all things uuPhil. 4. 13.Phil 4:13.

Other conſiderations will helpe to ſupport in bearing of our Burdens, as the Hand, from which they come, and the cauſes wherefore: they are uſefully handled by Lipſius xxDe Conſt. l 2. Cap. 89.; Theſe would take too much roome there, and they are impart implyed before. And ſo much for the bearing of our grievances, and what is required for the bearing of them lightly away, the going upright under them, and like a Chriſtian.

It followes now, that I give ſome rules for the preventing of ſnares, they fall under two heads, Snares from Plenty; Snares from Wants; All along we ſhall finde our way is ſtrawed with them: for ſuch are our natures, either wee finde them in our way, or we lay them there; even our good things we make ſnares unto us; for prevention hereof, theſe are the rules.

If riches increaſe, we know our rule; And if God give thee a Child, thats our rule alſo; Thou muſt not ſet thy heart upon them, or this. It is a reſolved caſe, If thou wouldſt keepe thy Child, ſacrifice it (in thy affections, I meane:) elſe it will be a ſnare, and cauſe unto thee no ordinary ſorrow, becauſe thy affection was extraordinary to it, ſo as thou couldeſt not ſacrifice it, according to the Rule: for whatſoever lyeth next thy heart, except Chriſt, will cauſe the breaking of thy heart with worldly ſorrow, which worketh death. There are two things that break the hearts of parents, they are; When the Child lives ill; or dyes too ſoone. Thou ſhalt be armed againſt theſe ſorrowes, at leaſt thou ſhalt not be hurt by them, if, whileſt thou haſt the Child, thou art as if thou hadſt it not: and, having it, if thou doeſt thy utmoſt to it, that may make thee to rejoyce for the Time to come. But hereof in the firſt part, which I will not recall here.

The ſame we may ſay of riches, If thou wouldſt keepe them, forſake them, deny them: Get thine heart from off them, then p. 159they can be no ſnare. It is notable, which Auguſtine ſaith yyDe Civit. lib., No man holdeth Chriſt, but by confeſſing Him; no man keepeth his Gold, but by denying the ſame: If I lay up 1. cap. 10.money as a Treaſure, I ſhut out Chriſt; and in ſo doing I cauſe a rent in my ſoule as wide as Heaven, a breach like the Sea zzLam. 2 23.Lam 2:23. The World ſtands in a Diametrall, a direct oppoſition to Chriſt, as two contrary Maſters; we cannot leane to the One, but we muſt turne from the other; We cannot imbrace the One, but we muſt hate the other: the heart cannot hang betwixt heaven and earth in an Equilibrium, like two ſcales equally poyſed: if the world be at our foote, and under it, then Chriſt is exalted, and ſo on the contrary. With all thy care then keep the earth, and the things of the earth in their place, under foote: Bee in the world, but embrace it not, hug it not. Vſe the world as travellers and pilgrimes (ſuch are we;) they uſe things in their paſſage as they may further them towards their journeys end: They ſee many goodly houſes, and much good land, but they fixe not on them, they ſuffer them to paſſe, becauſe their minde is on their countrey, the place where they would be.

I remember what is ſtoryed of a People, whoſe countrey we only read of, as we do of Platoes common-wealth; It is a fiction, but I intend the uſe: They had of gold and ſilver good ſtore to make their neceſſary proviſion with all, but none for oſtentation or ſhew to adorn their cubbords; what could be ſpared from their very neceſſaries, they muſt make thereof veſſells of diſhonour, ſuch as we ſet at our foot, in plain Engliſh, Chamberpots, or the like. And there was this good in it (ſaid the merry Knight) **V…opiae. Th. Mori. lib. 2. pag. 160.when their ſilver and gold ſhould be required they could not be unwilling to part with that which before they had ſet ſo low as their foot. This gives us the very reaſon whence it is, That ſome are ſo well contented when they are diſpoſeſſed of their poſſeſſions: when they had them, they had them, as if they had them not; They kept them at their foot, farre enough from their heart; And being taken from them, they looſe but what before they counted loſſe aaPhil. 3. 7.Phil 3:7, and ſo are able to take joyfully the ſpoyling of their goods bbHeb. 10.Heb 10. But this is but halfe p. 160the reaſon, the other neceſſarily followes: For if we would not have our riches a ſnare unto us, then as they muſt be ſet at the foot, ſo Chriſt muſt be embraced as the onelyonly Treaſure, and ſo laid to heart. And this will be, if we conſider this to purpoſe, which followes: He made himſelfe poore, to make us rich; he emptyed himſelfe, to fill us; he ſtript himſelf, to cloath us; he was wounded, that by his ſtripes we might be healed; He was made a curſe, that we might be made a bleſſing; He died, that we might live. If we think on this, nothing can ſeeme too much to do, nor too heavy to ſuffer for Him. I remember a lovely anſwer of a Wife to her Husband; And becauſe a ſtory depends upon it, I will ſet down the whole relation, which is this;ccXenephon de Iust…tut. Cyri. l. 3. pag. 203.

Tigranes and Armenias, the husband and the wife, the father in law alſo, All lay at Cyrus his mercy, and when he might have taken away their libertie and their lives, he diſmiſſed them with honour, granting them both; So, home they went well apaid. When they were returned, they began to commend Cyrus, one for this, and another for that; what doeſt thou think ſaid Tigranes to his wife; Was not Cyrus a goodly perſon? Truly Sir, ſaid ſhe, I cannot tell that, for I looked not upon him. No, where were thy eyes, woman? on whom were they fixed? On thee, my deare husband, ſaid ſhe, who, in my hearing, didſt offer thine own life a ranſome for mine. This gives us the reaſon, why a good man and his goods are ſo eaſily parted; whence it is that he breaks ſo eaſily through thoſe ſnares; his affections are more endeared to Chriſt, Then hers were to her husband, and the cauſe wherefore, much more binding. Aske then thoſe, who may properly be called the Spouſe of Chriſt, and demand of them; What think ye of your poſſeſſions, your livings, your libertie, your life? They will anſwer; They are lovely things, for they are Gods bleſſings, they came from His hand, they muſt not be ſlighted in ours; and they have made many wiſe men look backe, (as our Ieuell ddApol. 2. pag. 227.ſaith,) even as many as had not their faces ſtedfaſtly ſet toward Chriſt eeLuk. …. 51. foreign.; But now that their eyes are fixed upon p. 161Him, they ſee no beautie in them at all; The ſtrength of his love who poured forth His ſoul unto death, and the brightneſſe of that glory, wherein, Through Him, they are ſharers, ſo holdeth their eye, and ſo ſtedfaſtly, that it cannot look downward to thoſe things, though otherwiſe very lovely, with an adultereſſe eye. And ſo much to prevent ſnares from plentie, the briefe of what was ſaid therein is this; If we deny not our riches, they will cauſe us to deny the Lord, and to ſay, Who is Hee ffProv 30. 9.Prov 30:9? If then we would prevent a taking in that ſnare, keep we earth and things thereon, in their proper place, at the foot ggPſal 8. 6.Ps 8:6. If we exalt it, it will preſſe us downeward, lower then the place is where we dig it: If we thinke of outwards above what is meet, we ſhall thinke of our ſelves above what is comely. And then our riches will be a ſtrong Tower in our conceit hhProv. 18. 11.Prov 18:11, and we ſhall be ſo conceited of them, ſo bottomed upon them, ſo earthed in them, that we ſhall ſay, as before mentioned, We are Lords, we will come no more unto thee iiIere. 2. 31.Jer 2:31: And then we ſhall ſo pride our ſelves, that we will contemne, diſdaine and ſcorne others, better then our ſelves, and ſo bring not our ſelves onelyonly, into a ſnare, but the whole City; nay we ſhall be as thoſe, who ſet a City on fire, who blow it up, as with Gun-powder kkProv. 28. 9. Inflammant, ſufflant. Trem.Prov 28:9.

So much for prevention of ſnares from Riches in a generall way, now ſomwhat more particularly.

Riches have many ſnares; where there is fulneſſe, and plenty, there is plenty of them. But one daughter there is of plenty and fulneſſe, which, like the horſeleach, ſtill cryeth give give, but is never ſatisfied. This a great ſnare, and fitly called the great inchantreſſe of mankinde, we commonly call it Pleaſure; not ſo properly, for, ſaith one, llIſid. Peluſit. l. 2. epiſt. 240.How can we call that Pleaſure which cauſeth ſo much ſollicitude and carefulneſſe (madneſſe ſaith the Author) before we take it, ſo much trouble and wearineſſe in taking; ſo ſhort a ſatiety preſently after; and ſo much anxiety and perplexity of ſpirit, anon or ſome while after. If this be pleaſure, that hath ſo much ſower and gall in it, then we ſay well when we call it ſo.

p. 162The onelyonly remedy againſt this Siren, or Witch, is to binde our ſelves, as one was to the maſt of his Ships mmHom. Odyſſ. lib 12. Reſolution the morall of that fiction. foreign, &c. Clem. Alex. Ad Gentes. pag. 55., with the cords of ſtrong reſolution nnPſal. 17. Act. 11. 23.Ps 17Acts 11:23unto a conſtant walking onwards in the wayes of holineſſe. I am fully purpoſed, ſaith David, &c. But for preventing this ſnare, and fortifying our ſelves againſt it, and to learne us to call it by its right name, ſomething hath beene ſpoken in its proper place, which I will not recall here.

There are other ſnares in plenty, ſo many, that it is impoſſible to give ſeverall remedies againſt them. But yet to ſpeak in a word, and yet enough for prevention, that our foot be not taken by them, note wee: There is one thing, which God hath appointed as our watch-keeper, and will hold us waking, and well provided againſt them all, if it doth its office, and this is feare; feare I ſay according to Godlineſſe. It is the moſt waking affection, and moſt ſerviceable of any, if it doth its office. It is the houſe porter; the bodies ſpiall, and the ſoules too, ſtill keeping watch; it is, next to love, the moſt commanding affection; our keeper, and p Sit moderatus cibus & nunquam venter expletus, plures quippe ſunt quae cùm vino ſint ſobriae, ciborum largitate ſint ebriae, &c. Hier. ad Hiſt. ep. 17. pag 204. &c. Lege epiſt. 14.Truths keeper alſo; it is the beſt king in the world, (The great or little) for it keeps both Tables. I will ſay no more of it, for I cannot ſay a little, but let us obſerve what it will doe, what good ſervice to a man, if it be right and we uſe it right.

Iude ooVerſ. 12., the ſervant of Ieſus Chriſt, tels us of ſome, who fed themſelves without feare; That is, who fed themſelves ſuſpecting no ſnares at their Table, or in their meate, whereas, according to the plenty there, there are plenty of ſnares in both. A feare now according to godlineſſe, will make us to prevent all. So likewiſe there are ſome, who goe to bed q Tenen…i codicem ſomnus obrepat. Ibid. p. 205. foreign, &c. The feare of God is a Catholike remedy, &c. Clem. Alex. Protrep. p. 52. & 86.without feare, as if there were no ſnares in ſleeping nor in waking, whereas in Bed, wee ſhall finde many ſnares; a feare according to godlineſſe, inables againſt theſe alſo. There are ſome, who riſe again without feare, who walk abroad without feare; who converſe with men, and amidſt the affaires of the world, all this without feare; as if there were no ſnares, in all this, whereas there is no leſſe variety of ſnares, then there is occaſions or things in the world. Feare p. 163according to godlineſſe, awakens a man, he can look before him; It armes him againſt all. In a word, feare helps to feed a man with food convenient for him; It cloathes him as with a garment; It armes him as with ſhield and buckler; it keeps him in his walk and courſe, as under watch and ward. It guards the eye, eare, hand and foot, that all may do their office and keep in order. It aweth his very thoughts. All this feare doth, if it doth its office, which is to keep the watch ſtrong: for this is certain, If I feare death to be in the pot, I will not taſte of the pottage. And thus ſoveraign it proves to be, becauſe it winds up the heart continually to God, who promiſeth to be a ſanctuary to all ſuch who feare before Him. The Wiſe mans counſell is notable, Be thou in the feare of the Lord all the day long rrProv. 23. 17.Prov 23:17. For it is a concluſion of experience, A wiſe man feareth and departeth from evill: But the foole rageth and is confident ſſProv. 14. 16.Prov 14:16, as if there were no ſnares in his way, whence it commeth to paſſe, that his foot is taken like a bird in a ſnare, he is holden by it and cannot be delivered, for this is a reſolved caſe alſo, Happy is the man that feareth alway: But He that hardeneth his heart ſhall fall into miſchiefe ttProv. 28. 14.Prov 28:14. And ſo we have enough in one word, for the prevention of all theſe ſnares, which are ever ſtrawed thickeſt in a full and plentifull ſtate.

There are ſnares in wants alſo; O give me not too little, ſaith Augur, but feed me with food convenient for me uuProv. 30. 8, 9.Prov 30:8Prov 30:9; leſt poverty be a ſnare unto me, leſt I put forth my hand to that which is not mine, and take the Name of my God in vaine; ſuch a ſnare there is in poverty. Therefore to help thee here, and not mention what hath been ſaid, though it would fit very well, I will reaſon out this point with thee.

If God make thy family like a flocke of Sheep, and thy paſture be bare; if the Mouthes, thou haſt to feed, be many, and thy proviſion of Meale is now toward the bottome; if thy charge be increaſed, and thy meanes ſhortned; if ſo, I know here is a ſtraight, and a burden; Want is a burden xxforeign &c. Chryſoſt. de Laz…r. Conc. 1., ſaith the Father, grievous to be borne, they will tell us ſo p. 164that feele it. But yet, as the ſame father elegantly ſaith, Wee are all Stewards, and we muſt all give an account: what ſhall the poore man give an account of, who hath ſcarce any thing Sermone praecedent. pag. 9. foreign, &c.to give to his mouth? The Father anſwers; The rich Steward muſt accompt with his Maſter, how bountifull he hath beene, according to his Maſters appointment; And the poore Steward, hee muſt be accountable too, how patient he hath beene under wants, how hee hath humbl▪d himſelfe under the Almighty Hand; And how dependant upon that hand. If there bee a ſtraite, and the Meale be at the bottome, here is an hint of a glorio is dependance upon Him, that multiplyed the oyle, and the meale, and the Loaves; And with the fewer loaves (though the power was the ſame) fed the more; And the more was remaining; upon Him, That doth cloath the Lillies, feed the Ravens; makes a path in a wilderneſſe; cauſeth water to flow out of a Rocke, or in a parched ground; filled the Valley with water, when they ſaw neither winde nor raine aa2 King. 3. 17.2 Kgs 3:17. It is good and ſafe to depend here; Infinite power and goodneſſe can never bee at a loſſe; nor faith, which lookes thereunto, can be at ſtand.

Faith makes up a life without the creature; It cheeres the countenance without oy le bbFamem vera ſides non time…. Hier. lib. 2. ep. 18. p. 221.; refreſheth the ſpirit without wine; glads the heart, & ſtrengthens it without the bread of men; It is certain, a ſoul, that hath ſuch a dependance, is never fatter & better liking, then when his paſture is ſhorteſt, like a wilderneſſe. It is fatteſt in the winter, as ſome creatures are; when there is no greene thing, but ground, trees and all are all covered; Then this ſoul can pick meat, when the heaven is braſſe, and the earth iron; Then, even in ſuch a time the ſoul can live, rejoyce and joy in the Lord the God of Salvation. Habb. 3. 18.

This is the onelyonly way, which will lead thee through the ſnares, which are in wants, that thou ſhalt not be intangled with them, not put forth thy hand unto wickedneſſe. If thou canſt finde no way, God can make a way; only thy part is, if meanes be ſhort, to truſt the more; And to lengthen thy hope. Hope, we ſay, is an inheritance for a King; and p. 165this, God will provide, makes Gods children confident. It is good to be in a depending condition, then we roule our ſelves upon God. The depending ſoul can beſt track the wayes of Gods providence, and ſeeth how wiſe and admirable they are; whereas the fulneſſe of outward means obſcureth the luſtre of that track, and draweth the heart unto them from a providence.

And now I need not bid thee uſe all lawfull means; for dependance on a providence doth eſtabliſh the means, and us in the uſe of them. It is unreaſonable to think, that God will feed us from Heaven, when we may gather our meat from the earth; He worketh not extraordinary in a fruitfull land, where the plough can go; I mean in that place and time when our hands can work. As we muſt not trouble our ſelves about Gods charge, as it is uſuall ſo to do: So we muſt not neither neglect our own charge, which is to give all faithfull endeavour; and having done it, then ſtand ſtill, reſt and wait for His bleſſings, who hath ſaid, I will not leave thee, nor forſake thee. And now we are upon thy duty and charge, heare ſome leſſons, which may be of uſe for thy better diſcharge thereof. Therefore the chief leſſon follows, for it makes all eaſy.

Let the law of the Lord be never out of thy minde, nor His word (when houſhold employments admit vacation: for ſhe that is married, careth for the things of the world, how ſhe may pleaſe her husband) be out of thy hand. That's an holy word, ſaith Clemens ddforeign. protrept. p. 41., which makes holy, as He is, and like Him. Tongues there are, but one is enough for a woman, and work enough to uſe that one well: Other learning there is too; but like nuts eeforeign. Clem. Alex. Strom. 1. 199.(I referre to thy ſex) it nouriſheth not. This word makes ff2 Tim. 3. ω Lactan. lib. 3. cap. 25.2 Tim 3perfect, and throughly furniſheth. All neceſſary truths are plain there, and nothing dark ggforeign. Protrept. p. 42.to him or her, that will come to the light, by earneſt hhforeign Chryſ. in Matt. Hom. 25.prayer asking of Him, who is the Father of lights, who leades into all truth. And if He joyn himſelf to our charriot, we ſhall go on and encreaſe mightily, for it is in the ſtrength and with the encreaſe of God. I can but point at p. 166what I would ſay. For thy inſtruction this is the chief; Take counſell from this word, and from this Great counſellour, then thou ſhalt be taught indeed to anſwer thy worthy name worthily; and all thoſe relations, thou ſtandeſt in, as becometh; firſt to children. The chief burden of our charge, as they are the chief of our poſſeſſions. The rules are (what was mentioned before I ſhall not recall:)

1. Thou muſt not ſet thy heart upon them, as was ſaid, but keep a watchfull eye over them, thereby keeping them in awe; and begin betimes; ſit cloſe here; children are like a wilde aſſe colt, if thou doſt not over-rule them, they will overthrow thee, and themſelves. It is a pretty obſervation, I know not how true, That great mens children learn nothing by order and rule, but to mannage their horſe well; and the reaſon, why they are ſo carefull therein, is, becauſe they know their horſe is neither flatterer nor Courtier; he will not ſtick to caſt Firſt part p. 253.them as ſoon as a meaner perſon, if they hold him not ſtrait in, and themſelves cloſe to his back. It is ſo here, if thou doeſt not ſit cloſe upon them (upon ſervants alſo) holding a ſtrait hand, neither ſlacked nor ſtrained; if not, they will runne headlong: What ever honour is due, none will be payed, unleſſe it be honourably commanded, I mean, with authoritie and with a countenance commanding a reſpect and a reverence. Let this bridle looſe once, and they will let looſe the bridle before thee iiJob 30. 11. Eſſrenatè in me invecti ſunt quaſi immiſſis vel excuſſis habenis. Trem. firſt part.Job 30:11; that is, they will ſpeak unreverently and ſcornfully as if they were not children, nor thou their Mother, and the order will be inverted, the childe will be above, and the parent ſhall be below. And therefore hold faſt here. Thus much, or this little rather (for I have ſpoken to it before) that thou mayeſt maintain thy authoritie over them; if thou looſeſt that, thou wilt adventure thy comfort in them.

Covet after the beſt callings, but be not ambitious to make them great here below. It had been a good ambition in the Mother, if it had been ſpirituall, to be an earneſt ſutour for the preferment of her children to Chriſts's kingdome kkHoc praecipuum eſt, uti piè ſancte que vivant. dixit uxor Calv. epiſt. 101.: No preferment in the world comparable. Do thy p. 167beſt here, Grace is a ſure commoditie, and however the world go, the trade of godlineſſe cannot fail. Make ſure of that for thy ſelf, and thine, what thou canſt trade heavenward, the world and trading here will fail. llReade Chryſoſt. in Gen. Hom. 66. w.Put up thy prayers for them, be not wanting at the Throne of Grace; thy prayers may return, when thou thinkeſt not, and with much more advantage, then thy cares; Mark that.

We ſuppoſe thou haſt ſervants too, a great part of thy care and charge; and then there is work enough for thy tongue, thy eye, and thy hand, thou being a leading hand in All.

1. Work enough for thy tongue; I mean not therewith to trouble thy houſe as ſome do, filling it with winde as with ſmoak, which is the abuſe of the tongue; but to inſtruct, to exhort, to reprove, to correct alſo, thereby to bring all to know and ſerve God. There muſt be no difference, none at all, between children and ſervants. It is not ſaid, mmGen. 18. 19.Gen 18:19Abraham and his Iſaac, Lydia nnActs 15. 16.Acts 15:16and her daughters; but Abraham and his houſhold: Lydia and her houſhold. All alike in point of information, though a difference in affection. This is the praiſe in the Goſpell, that ſome private families were particular Churches; The Church in thy houſe Philem. 2. And hence, ſaith the Father ooChryſoſt. in ep. ad Cor. Hom. 12., (If we obſerve ſo much it ſufficeth) hence all our evils which break out in Citie and Countrey; ever from the neglect of this family or houſehold; We think it, ſaith he, ſufficient to excuſe our neglect, when he or ſhe walk in their own way, the way of ſinne and death; That they are our ſervant or handmaid; as if ſervants had no ſouls, and we no charge over them; or to uſe the ſame Fathers words, as if in Chriſt Ieſus there were either bord or free. All one in our care. But now heare the ſame Fathers reproof; we do not ſo neglect our horſe or our aſſe (for we would have them good) as we do our ſervants. For the ſame may be ſaid of us (the Father ppIn epiſt. ad Cor. Hom. 8.puts it down as a Caveat in way of prevention) which was ſaid of a people in Ieremiah's time qqJer. 7. 18.Jer 7:18; The children gather wood, and the fathers kindled the fire, and the p. 168women knead their dough: So of us, children and ſervants run after their pleaſure, Fathers as faſt after their profit; the women make proviſion for a temporall life onelyonly; none ſeek the things of Chriſt, but all their own things, whence muſt needs follow diſorder in the family, confuſion in the Common-wealth. And ſo much may teach thee ſo to uſe thy tongue, that it may be thy glory, in the ſetting up, and maintaining the Glorie and ſervice of God in thy family; which was the grace and glory of thoſe families, whoſe praiſe is in the Goſpell, and the praiſe of that vertuous woman; She openeth her mouth with wiſdome, and in her tongue is the law of kindeneſſe Prov. 31. 26.Prov 31:26.

2. There will be much uſe of the eye too, many ſervants riotouſly waſte much, children wantonly ſpill much; be wakefull herein; ſee that nothing be riotouſly abuſed, (as the ſwiniſh manner is in ſome families, worſe then brutiſh) nor needleſ…ly ſpent; nor careleſly ſpilt. Set an honourable price upon Gods gifts, for thou receiveſt them from God opening His hand: What comes from His hand, muſt not be ſlighted in ours; The leaſt crum of His bleſſings ſhould have its due regard. And as He doth open His hand, ſo do thou open thy heart. Thou canſt not open at all, till He open firſt, much leſſe ſo wide; but yet pray, as the one is enlarged towards thee, ſo the other may be enlarged towards Him, in thy meaſure; and thy hand alſo open to others, according as He hath bleſſed thee. If He doth give thee to eat of the fat, and to drink of the ſweet, and to be clad with the wool Nehem. 8. 10.Neh 8:10; Remember them for whom none of all is this provided. And remember withall it is one of the properties of a vertuous woman Prov. 31. 20.Prov 31:20; She ſtretcheth out her hand to the poore▪ yea, ſhe reacheth out her hands to the needy. Mercies are ſpilt upon us, if our hearts are not open towards God, whoſe they are, and our hand open towards our brethren, who need our help. The poore mans hand is Chriſts treaſurie uuManus pauperis eſt gazophylacium Chriſti. Chryſol. Ser. 8.; as we adde thereto, we give unto Chriſt; and we ſhew mercy to our own ſouls xxProv. 11. verſ. 17. and verſes 24. 25.Prov 11:17; and that thy alms may not ſtick in thy hand, as if thou wert grieved to part with it; learn a leſſon p. 169from thy bee-hive; There thou ſeeſt great ſtore of honey brought home, but look in the place whence the Bee did fetch it, and thou canſt ſee nothing miſſing yyQuis unquam quod ferentem …pem viderat, ubi d…eſſet inven…t? Quint Pro paup…re, decl. 13. p. 158.. It is ſo in giving of alms; Thou doeſt cut a cantle from thy loaf, ſo from thy cheeſe, and ſomething more thou takeſt out of thy purſe, wiſely conſidering the poore and needy (for that is ſuppoſed;) beleeve me now, at the yeares end, thou ſhalt finde nothing miſſing of all thou haſt taken from thy loaf, or out of thy purſe. But ſuppoſe thou haſt not whereof to give (it is a ſtrong objection if there be truth in it, as oft-times there is not) but ſuppoſe thy caſe ſo, though I cannot well ſuppoſe thy caſe harder, then was the caſe of the widow; who, notwithſtanding, (as rich in faith, as ſhe was poore in outward things) from a very little parted with a little, and thereby found a very rich increaſe. So we reade. 1. Kings 17. It is an extraordinary example, but of no ordinary uſe. But ſuppoſe, I ſay, this little is wanting, thou haſt nothing to give; Then we muſt ſuppoſe alſo, that, as it is ſaid, thou waſt thy ſelf a ſtranger, therefore thou knoweſt the heart of a ſtranger zzExod 2…. 9.Exod 2:9: So, thou art a needy perſon, and now thou knoweſt the heart of the needy and helpleſſe man; he would have kinde and mercifull words (they, as an almes, will be accepted, when there can be no more) he would not have affliction added to affliction, not gall and wormwood put to his ſowre cup. So then, what thou canſt not do with thy hand, ſupply with thy tongue, but let thy words come from thy heart. Mark it, we are not commanded to draw out our purſes to the needy perſon; No, for our caſe may be, as it is an ordinary caſe, ſilver and gold have we none. But this we are bound to do; To draw out our ſoul to the hungry Eſay 58 10.Isa 58:10; even then, when otherwiſe, we cannot ſatisfie the afflicted ſoul. We muſt be kinde, pitifull, mercifull to his body, more ſpecially to his ſoul; that is, to draw out our ſoul to the hungry, when we have no purſe to draw out. And then paſt all doubt, we are bountifull; for it is a caſe long ſince reſolved, A poore man may be liberall. Now in a few words, learn the way of thriving, how thou may eſt have whereout to give; this is p. 170the way. A wiſe and Chriſtian thrift, will ſupply us much this way, to enable us to ſupply others wants, whereas a profuſe and riotous ſpending, emptieth all the contrary way, and ſeals up the heart that it ſheweth no pitie. The eye muſt be wakefull, looking about thee that nothing be loſt; and thy hand muſt be diligent in thy houſe: for we ſhall never ſee one and the ſame perſon, ſlack and ſlothfull, yet liberall and bountifull; profuſe and riotous, ſuch a perſon may be caſting or throwing away Gods bleſſings, not beſtowing them with diſcerning, as they, who wiſely conſider the poore, and are attent to their crie bbPſal. 41. 1.Ps 41:1. It is the Apoſtles adviſe, and it may ſtand for a direction, Let him or her labour, working ccEph. 4. 28.Eph 4:28(whether with the hands, or with the minde it matters not, if it be) the thing which is good, that they may have to give to him, that needeth, and that of their owne; for if they, who do not work with quietneſſe, do not eat their own dd2 Theſſ. 3. 12.2 Thess 3:12bread (ſo it is implied) it cannot be that they ſhould give their own bread. A liberall hand then implieth a diligent hand, that it may be liberall, that there may be whereof to give.

And now here is like to be a getting and thriving on all hands; for he that giveth, encreaſeth; in watering others, he makes himſelf more fruitfull, like a watered garden (which muſt be marked by the way) And he, that works, encreaſeth alſo. It is the Wiſe-mans concluſion; He becometh poore that dealeth with a ſlack hand Prov. 10. 4.Prov 10:4, But the hand of the diligent maketh rich. Diligence is a great thriver, it makes good haſte, though not ſo much ſpeed; It is ſtill improving, and adding ſomewhat to the heap. An houſewife is well likened to the Snaile; as well to ſhew what an improvement, a continuall diligence in a houſe will make, as the keeping of her houſe. The ſnaile goes a ſnailes pace, as we ſay, very ſlowly, but by her conſtancy in going, She will aſcend (ſo I read) the top of the higheſt tower ffGuellianus diſplay of Herauld. p. 217.. And we may remember a prettie fiction touching the Snaile and the Hare, and that the Snaile out-went the Hare, for the Hare truſting to his footmanſhip, would take a nap by the way, ſo before the Hare p. 171awaked, the Snaile was at the journeyes end. It teacheth, what a continuall diligence will do; matters above ordinary conceit; Take then for example the vertuous woman, marke her wayes and be wiſe. This is her prime commendation, that ſhe eateth not the bread of idleneſſe ggProv. 31. 17.Prov 31:17. She is diligent in her houſe, yet without carefulneſſe, without diſtracting or dividing cares; for this requires our marke, which we reade in the verſe before (reade it as we ſhould, and as Tremelius, doth) This diligent woman, Laugheth at the time to come hhProv. 31. 25. R…d…t ad tempora ſequentia. Calamitoſus eſt animus futuri anxius, & ante miſerias miſer. Sen. ep. 98. Sapiens vivit praeſentibus laetus, futuri ſec… rus. Sen de beat… vitâ cap. 26.Prov 31:25; that is, (for laughing, ſaith Tremelius, implyeth a ſecuritie in Gods providence) ſhe is not anxious or ſolicitous what will fall out afterwards, ſhe is diligent for the preſent, which is her charge; and ſhe lets God alone for hereafter: to diſquiet her ſelf thereabouts, were a diſquieting in vain. She may perhaps breake her ſleep ſometimes, in riſing while it is yet night; ſo doing her dutie, and giving all faithfull diligence; But ſhe will not breake her ſleepe about Gods charge, which is to provide and to protect; for ſhe hath learnt this, Our God will ſupply all our needs; He hath undertaken it ſo to do, as His proper charge. It is a vain dependance to reſt upon a providence, and neglect the means. A ſecuritie in a providence, doth eſtabliſh all lawfull means, though it doth not ſtabliſh or bottom a man upon them; the diligent perſon is alwayes the ſecure perſon. He or ſhe, that doth wiſely and faithfully diſpoſe of the preſent time, cannot be careful for the after, no not in the year of drought iiJer. 17. 8.Jer 17:8. They were carefull when time was, with all their care; Therefore they ſhall laugh when others weep; They ſhall ſing for joy of heart, when others ſhall cry for ſorrow of heart, and howle for vexation of ſpirit kkEſa. 65. 13.Isa 65:13. So high a point of good husbandry, or huſwifery it is, well and prudently to husband the preſent time. Let us then (for it concernes all) well and carefully improve the preſent time, making good the ends, and the means tending thereto, and leave God to make good the iſſue, and to turn all to our good. Let us part our care ſo, as to take upon us onelyonly the care of dutie, and leave the reſt to God. For this is the way of all the ſervants p. 172of God, as it was of that vertuous woman, in whoſe wayes I would have thee tread; She gave all diligence, yet without carefulneſſe: She ſo diſpoſed the preſent time, that it was well ſpent, and that made her ſecure for after-time. And if thus thou ſhalt do, thou wilt then obſerve times and occaſions ſtill in their ſeaſons; For diligence without order and due obſervation is no thriver; There are particular becks of providence, and they are intimations of Gods will; Providence hath a language, which is well underſtood by thoſe, that have a familiar acquaintance with Gods dealing; They ſee a traine of providence, leading one way, more then to another.

Study huſwifry, and the eſſentialls thereof; not the ſticking of a Pin, or ſetting of a ruffe, or pricking of a cloute, yet theſe in their ſeaſon; As husbandmen picke hempe, and mend ſhooes, when the weather letteth more neceſſary imployments. Some women are in their houſes as a Tulip in the Garden, for ſhew: but ſo it ſhould not be; as her place is principall, and her charge, ſo ſhould her work be at leaſt her overſight.

To her belongeth that Miſtreſſe▪quality of a woman; that is, the commodious and honourable occupation of proviſion of Bread, and cloth, and worke for her houſhold; It is excellently ſet downe in the ſame chapter. Great Ladies have made it their patterne, it concernes not the meaner ſort only. I know well, the Wiſe man, in another place ⁱ, addeth one thing more that the houſe-wife muſt look unto, and that is Correction. It may be none will doe their duty Ecclus. 23. 24. foreign, &c. Ariſt. oeconom.Sir 23:24without it at ſometime, and ſome at no time; Then it is as neceſſary as their Bread; Be ſure, let them have it, but inſtruction with it; And this in all meekneſſe: For they will take the better, if there be more teares then words; For then the inſtructed can diſcerne that there is love in the inſtruct…r. It is notable unto this purpoſe, which the Father ^k hath, foreign, &c. Chryſ. Ad Colſ. Hom. 12.our teares are never ſeaſonable, but in our prayers, and in our inſtructions. But this in paſſage only falling upon the point of Correction, wherewith inſtruction is ſo neceſſarily joyned, p. 173and with both meekneſſe or teares, that there may be good done.

It is part of the good wives commendation, Shee looketh well to the wayes of her houſhold llVerſ. 27.: Shee keeps them in good order: As ſhee doth her duty, ſo ſhee lookes to it, that they doe theirs; as ſhe is diligent, ſo ſhe will have them to be mmforeign. Clem. Alex. Str. lib. 1. pag. 201., ſhe will not ſuffer an idle perſon in her houſe, ſuch an one conſumeth like a Canker. It was Luthers nnMinus nocet ignavus fur quam ſegnis miniſter.obſervation (it is of uſe in higher matters) A ſloathfull Theefe, who hath not the ſlight of conveyance, is not nimble that way, doth leſſe hurt, then doth a negligent ſervant. And it agreeth well with that wee read; Hee that is ſlothfull in his worke, is brother to him that is a great waſter ooProv. 18. 9. An idle perſon, is the barreneſt piece of earth in the world.Prov 18:9; Remember alwayes, that wicked and ſloathfull ſtand together in the ſame line ppMatt. 25. 26. Acts 20. 31.Matt 25:26Acts 20:31.

So now in this great point of houſwifry, thou haſt heard thy duty, which engageth thy Tongue Firſt, that it be apt to teach, to inſtruct, to warne, and that with teares; Secondly, Thy eyes, that they looke well to the wayes of thy houſhold, that there bee no backe-way of conſuming, nor bad way of gathering; Thirdly, Thy hand, that it be open and diligent, working the thing that is good; elſe wee cannot doe good to others for the preſent, nor in quietneſſe and reſt depend on a providence for afterwards. This is the ſumme of what was laſt ſaid; And now drawing to a concluſion, I will put all together, Children and Servants (for there is no difference in point of care and inſtruction) and ſo read over once more, (for that is not ſaid enough which is not learnt enough) The chiefe point of thy charge, which is this:

It is not enough to bee vertuous thy ſelfe, but thou muſt teach others ſo to be **foreign, &c. Chryſ. in Epheſ. Hom. 21.; thou muſt lead others along with thee, in the ſame good way, both children, and ſervants, and all by thy owne example, to walke holily before God; Wee cannot elſe expect, they ſhould walke righteouſly with man. If they be unfaithfull in the great matters, they cannot be faithfull to thee in ſmall, ſo as thou canſt orderly expect a b…eſſing upon them, or from their labours. If thou p. 174ſuffereſt them to ſteale from the Lords ſervice, eſpecially on the Lords day, to give unto thy ſervice, or their owne pleaſures; They are Sacriligious to their Maſter in heaven, they cannot be truſty to their Maſter on earth. Therefore here looke well to thy ſelfe and them: Conſidering ſtill, that there is right government, where Chriſts government is ſet up and maintained **See Chryſoſt. in Gen. cap. 16 ω.Gen 16; Where his ſervice hath the prime and moſt honourable place both in the houſe and heart, then things are done decently and in order.

Herein, indeed, is the beauty of ſociety, and nothing is more beautifull, then a family thus ordered, and then Perſons ſo ordering.

This order in thy family ſhall gaine thee the commendations, which they had, whoſe Praiſe is in the Goſpel, that is praiſe indeed, and worth the having; it is the praiſe from God and goodmen.

And a family ſo ordered will be the Church in thy houſe, which is the honourable title the Apoſtle gives to ſome families, in a very bad time. And this, like a comely Nurcery, ſends forth hopefull plants to the City and Countrey, Church and Common-wealth; And as this Nurcery is maintained, ſo are they ſupplyed; for from this fountaine of ſociety two in one houſe, ariſe families, and from them Common-wealths.

And now we have againe the blocke in our way, though we have remooved it before; I know well, that a family may be ſo governed, as we heard, and as it ſhould be; It is required, that theſe two in one houſe ſhould bee one in one houſe, with one ſoule, with one mind, with one heart ſerving the Lord. This bleſſing and gift from above (for a good husband as a good prudent wife, are both the gift of God and a ſpeciall favour qqSingulari modo Trem. Prov. 19. 14. Chap. 18. 22.Prov 19:14,) my prayer is, that thou maiſt receive: But if not, thou haſt heard thy charge, and withall, how patient thou muſt bee under that want. Thou muſt waite when God will give Repentance, and uſe all meanes, that may haſten the ſame; as the Common adverſary doth our deſtruction, and never diſpaireth of it, while there is p. 175place for hope, as the Father ſweetly and elegantly, ſhewing Chap. 7 §. 1 the duty of Miniſters; But it concernes all in theſe Chryſoſt. de Lazar. Conc. 1. α.caſes, wives eſpecially; that the unbeleeving husband may be wonne, by the chaſte converſation of the wife; and ſo I leave thee now, and thy charge in this ſuppoſed condition, as I would have thee, and them under thee, found; thee ſweetly commanding in the Lord, and they willingly obeying, and in the Lord ſtill; I leave thee, I ſay, in thy family, like a little Common▪wealth, rrforeign. &c. A good houſewife, is an excellent ornament in an houſe, ſhe is … grace to her husband and her ſelf. In that houſe all rejoyce, children in their mother, husband in the wife, the wife in children and husband; all in God. Clem. Alex. Paed. lib. 3. cap. 11 p. 183.reverencing thy huſband, ruling thy Children, commanding thy ſervants, and all in and for the Lord; which will finde thee worke enough to keepe thee waking in the ſeaſon for it; and to imploy the ſtrength of thy parts, and moſt pretious time, and ſo both thy time and parts will be well ſpent in ſo behoovefull a ſervice. Now paſſe on to the laſt ſtage of our life, which is, Old age.