Improvement of Imprisonment, Poem 11

Improvement of Imprisonment · Poem 11

p. 71A Compoſure, for his private Refreſhment made by the ſame Priſoner, upon conſidering the ſaid outward Condition of his Deareſt Relations in the Fleſh: after which is added the Narrative of a ſudden diſtemper thereupon enſuing.

MY Contemplation ev'ry hour ſo travells,

In new purſuits, and into all things Ravells

With ſo much reſtleſneſs, as if ſhe ment

The whole world in a Mapp to repreſent.

One while ſhe maketh inrodes on my Foes,

To bring me ſome Intelligence from thoſe;

That, I conſid'ring what they go about

Their malice, may the better weather-out.

p. 72Another while, to me ſhe repreſents,

What miſchiefes, troubles, fear and diſcontents

There are abroad; that, I may thereby ſee

How, they are troubled, who have troubled me;

How 'twixt the two ſhoars, Pharohs Army reels;

How, GOD hath taken off their Charret Wheels

How, he obdures the Inſolent and proud;

How dreadfully, he looks out of the Cloud

Which he hath placed, betwixt them and thoſe,

Whom they purſue to their own overthrowes.

Sometime, ſhe brings to my conſideration

GOD's Love, and inexpreſſible compaſſion,

Who, in an extraordinary wiſe,

Not onelyonly hath vouchſafed me ſupplies

By thoſe who to my Perſon ſtrangers are,

But alſo, with ſuch love and tender care

Of my ſafe-being, that I may of them

(As Chriſt did, when his kindred ask'd for him)

Say, Theſe my kindred are; Theſe, are my Mothers;

Theſe, are my real Siſters and my Brothers.

My Dear'ſt Relations in the Fleſh, among

Thoſe Friends, this day, appeared in the throng

To be conſider'd; and, I muſt confeſs

My Bowels yern'd, to think on their diſtreſſe,

And, mov'd with pitty, it compel'd my Muſe,

To clothe in words, that, which now next enſues.

I.

All ſuff'rings, that have tended

To my probation, here,

Cannot be comprehended

In what my words declare;

For, though to help expreſſion

I have a knowing-ſenſe,

p. 73The ſum of my Condition

Cannot be gathered in thence.

II.

In Pleaſures, and in Sorrows,

I have had no ſmall ſhare;

Sad Nights, and joyful Morrowes,

My Portion often were;

That, which with Joy affects me,

Is far above the Skie,

And, that, which yet afflicts me

As deep as Hell doth lie.

III.

My near'ſt, and dear'ſt Relations,

Unmention'd though they be,

Among my Meditations,

Are not forgot by me.

For, though I would not mind them,

My heart, them ſo retains,

That, there, I ſtill ſhall find them,

As long as life remains.

IV.

Leſt that might have miſcarry'd

Which, to neglect I fear'd,

Like one, quite dead and buried,

I have to them appear'd:

And by my late employments,

Deſpairful they are made,

Of me, and thoſe enjoyments

Which elſe, they might have had.

p. 74V.

Reciprocal Indearments,

Are by my troubles croſt;

The means of their Preferments

With my Eſtate are loſt.

Theſe times, have quite bereft them

Of that which gave content,

And, in their power nought left them,

New miſchiefes to prevent.

VI.

My Bloſſoms are quite wither'd,

My Leaves are much decay'd;

My Fruits, by thoſe are gather'd

Who nothing for them paid;

I, from whom (when they need them)

They ſhould ſupplies have had,

Have neither Fruits to feed them,

Nor boughes to give them ſhade.

VII.

We could, when we were troubled,

Each others hearts have eas'd;

Converſe, our pleaſures doubled,

When we with ought were pleas'd;

Such Comforts, now to give them,

Companion they have none,

But, they (what ere doth grieve them)

Muſt ſit, and grieve alone.

VIII.

In Mercy, LORD, look on them,

And pitty their Eſtate;

p. 75The wrongs that I have done them,

Proceeded not from hate;

I did, what I conceived

Doth to thy work belong,

But, that's thereby bereaved,

Which is to them a wrong.

IX.

Thereof, be therefore heedful,

Them, favour not the leſs,

Supply with all things needful,

In this their great diſtreſſe;

And, when thou me ſhalt gather

Out of this Land of life,

Be thou my Childrens Father,

A Husband to my Wife.

X.

When I with them muſt never

Speak more, by Tongue or Pen,

And, they be barr'd for ever,

To ſee my face agen.

Thy Loving kindneſs ſhow them,

Loſt comforts to receive,

Inſtead of what I owe them,

And pay not whilſt I live.

XI.

Let all my former failings,

Through frailties, in time paſt,

And, what may cauſe bewailings,

Quite out of thought be caſt;

And, onelyonly recordation

Of thoſe things be expreſt,

p. 76Whereby their conſolation

May dayly be increaſt.

XII.

Preſerve them from each Folly,

Which ripening into Sin,

Makes Root and Branch unholy,

And brings deſtruction in.

Let not this World bewitch them,

With her beſotting Wine,

But, let thy Grace inrich them,

With Faith, and Love Divine.

XIII.

And, whilſt we live together

Let us, upon thee call;

Help to prepare each other,

For what, may yet befall;

So juſt, ſo faithful hearted,

So conſtant let us be,

That, when we here are parted

We may all meet in thee.

This being writ, and once or twice ſung over,

My Reaſon, did ſufficient ſtrength recover

Thoſe Paſſions to repell, which did begin

Upon my heart at that time to break in:

But, ere they were alay'd, an Accident

Fell out, which that good iſſue did prevent;

I have ſo much of common Manlineſs,

(Which might more profit me if it were leſs)

That, all the frailties of the Humane Creature

(Co-incident ſince my depraved Nature)

Still ſo attend me, that do what I can

I fall into diſtemper, now and then;

p. 77And ere that day was wholly overpaſt,

I, by a ſudden accident was caſt

Into a Paſſion, which did give occaſion

Of this enſuing ſad Ejaculation.

LORD, help me now; aſſiſt me now, to bear

That, unexpected brunt of Hope and Fear,

To which I on a ſuddain am expos'd,

(Whilſt other miſchiefes have me round inclos'd)

For, great and many, though my troubles be

They, hitherto have not diſtemper'd me.

But, now I feel my Conſtancy to ſhake,

My Fleſh to tremble, my ſad heart ſo ake,

That, if thou doſt not ſpeedily apply

A Cordial, I may droop, and faint, and die.

My Treacherous Fleſh and Blood, how falſe are you!

To me, and to your own ſelves, how untrue!

How quickly to revolt do you begin!

How cowardly have you my Foe let in

At his firſt ſummons? how have you conſpir'd

To give him that advantage he deſir'd?

And whilſt I for your ſafety did prepare

Joyn to ſurprize me ere I was aware?

LORD, let them not prevail; but, help me rally

My ſcattered Forces, and to make a ſally

On thoſe who my weak Citadel beſet:

For they have ſeiz'd but on my Out-works yet,

And, if but over me, thou pleaſe to hover,

(Though at a diſtance) I ſhall ſoon recover.

Therefore, at this Aſſault, for me appear;

From me, this Black Cloud, by thy preſence, clear;

Renew my courage in this day of trouble;

Increaſe my Faith, my former Hope redouble;

And let thy Spirit teach me ſo to pray,

That what I ſhall requeſt, obtain I may.

p. 78Be likewiſe pleas'd the chatterings of the Swallow,

And mournings of the Turtle, ſo to hallow;

That thoſe things which are now expreſſ'd by me,

May be both acceptable unto thee,

And unto thoſe who hear them not in vain,

Though to my private ſuff'rings they pertain:

For peradventure, that which me oretakes

Hath partly been permitted for their ſakes;

That they, by heeding what on them at length

May fall, might by my weakneſs gather ſtrength;

For, what is in it ſelf a ſingle Trouble,

By circumſtances, may be ſometimes double.

My beſt Friends peradventure, now will wonder

How, I am thus, as with a clap of thunder,

Struck ſuddenly; and my Foes, with a ſcoff

Will Jeer, to ſee me ſo ſoon taken off

From my late courage and high Reſolution,

(Whilſt I was putting it in Execution,)

When they ſhall know, that, but concerns my Wife,

Which breaks through all the comforts of my life,

And thus diſorders me: But, when they hear me

Ev'n ſome of them, who at the firſt will Jeer me,

(If they have any Manhood left in them)

Shall me of no ſuch levity condemn,

As yet they may, when all the circumſtances

I have declar'd to cure their ignorances:

For, one of GOD's choice Prophets, had a Tryal

Not much unlike this, of his ſelf-denial,

When he (as I do) in his Generation,

Bore witneſs of their great abomination:

Which (if ought more) had little more effect,

Then I may, at this preſent day, expect.

He (whilſt GOD's work he follow'd) to the heart,

Was pierced (through his Wife) with ſorrows dart.

p. 79She (as the holy Scripture teſtifies)

Was unto him, as precious as his eyes,

The comfort of his life, and far more dear

(As I believe) then all things tranſcient were.

And peradventure he had grieved more

Then yet I do, had not the day before

GOD, both foretold her death, and charg'd him too,

Not to bewail the Wife he loved ſo.

What, this to me doth intimate, I ſhall

Forbear to tell now; but, if that befall

Which I may fear, it will have an effect,

Whoſe demonſtration, I ſhall not neglect

If ſo long I ſurvive, as to declare

That Sequell, for which, it will way prepare.

Mean while (ſince hope hath taken race with ſorrow)

For ſome few dayes, that little time Ile borrow,

To make it known, how, by a Pannick dread

I am at preſent, ſo diſtempered;

And in ſuch ſober Language will declare it,

Without Hyperboles, that, if men hear it

With like ſobriety, it will perchance

Their edifying in ſome kind advance.

When, I had finiſhed thoſe Meditations

Laſt mention'd (which concern my dear'ſt Relations

As to the world) A meſſenger of ſorrow

That very day, (I, looking for, next morrow

My Wives arrival) brought, not newes alone

That ſuddain ſickneſs, her had ſeiz'd upon;

But, that, ſhe likewiſe in a Feaver lies,

With which are complicated Maladies

Portending death: and Death deſired ſo

That, they about her, can with much ado

Preſerve her life. This newes, as ſoon as told,

Laid inſtantly, upon me ſuch faſt hold,

p. 80That, er'e I could into my heart retire

I ſeemed to be wholly ſet on fire:

And (being for ſurprizal, the more fit

By what, that day, for better uſe was writ)

Inſtead of that, which might have quencht the ſame

I ſnatcht up oil, and threw't into the flame.

So frail I am not (though made of ſuch Mettle

That I am ſometime ſoft and ſometime Britle)

As to be ſhaken meerly with a fear

Of things which ev'ry day expected are;

But, many ſad concomitants attended

This Meſſage, not till then ſo apprehended;

For, at that inſtant every thing preſt in

Which might a doleful Tragedy begin,

With ſuch confuſion, that, what entred firſt

I knew not, neither which diſturb'd me worſt.

So that, I nought could call to mind, but that

Which my Afflictions, did more aggravate.

Impriſonment, I felt not till that day,

Wherein I found, that I was kept away,

Where, I to her could no aſſiſtance give,

For, whoſe ſake, I did moſt deſire to live;

My Fancie repreſented to my ſight

In how diſconſolate and ſad a plight,

She there was left, diſpoil'd of all ſhe had,

Excepting, what might make her heart more ſad▪

With foes ſurrounded, not one to befriend her,

Not ſervants in that weakneſs to attend her,

No good Phyſitian living there about,

Scarce any thing within doors, or without,

For food or Phyſick: for, while ſhe had health

Her courage did ſupply her want of Wealth,

And all things elſe, with help, of what from Heaven

Was by his providence in all wants given,

p. 81Who hath been my ſupport; By him alone

She hath in many ſtraits been carryed on,

And all oppreſſions with ſuch courage bore

As if ſhe had been rich by being poor:

Which her deſpightful neighbours heeding well

(And, that ſhe far'd like trodden Camomel)

Words unto this effect, were heard to ſpeak

Will not, with all this loſs, her ſtout heart break?

GOD, was, and ſtill, her helper he will be;

But, for all this, what thanks is due to me?

What help am I who ſhould a help hav… been,

When ſuch extream Affliction ſhe was in?

Dear BETTY, how inhumanly oppreſt?

Art thou? and oh! how is my Soul diſtreſt

Now, I here think upon thy high deſart,

And, how diſcomfortably left thou art!

If it might comfort thee, would thou, didſt know

(Elſe not) what tears out of mine eyes do flow:

For, I, from whom the worlds deſpights can ſtrain

Nor ſighs, nor tears, from tears cannot reſtrain.

Woe's me (my Dear) my life I would reſign

Might it accepted be, to ranſome thine,

And were at my diſpoſe; for, cauſe am I

Of that ſad plight, wherein thou now doſt lie;

Since, what the world hath done, is nothing more,

Then thou haſt alwayes look'd for heretofore.

Yet, take it not unkindly; for, to thee

No ill was meant, in what was done by me:

He, (as I thought) to whom my ſelf I owe,

(And, who did thee, and all I had beſtow)

Requir'd the ſervices that brought upon me

That, which to thy undoing, hath undone me;

And he will either back again reſtore

What's loſt, or give us better things, and more

p. 82This, knowing thou believ'ſt, and doſt confide

In him, hath much my Paſſion qualifi'd;

And makes me hopeful, GOD, will bring thee hither,

Or, me to thee, that, we once more together

May praiſe his Name, and live till we can part,

Without the leaſt diſtemp'rature of heart.

Whilſt this hope laſts, leſt notice being taken

That, I with one ſmall puff of wind am ſhaken;

Leſt alſo, this begets a fear in ſome,

That I may totally be overcome,

When the… perceive, that he, who hath profeſt

So much, hath with ſo little been oppreſt;

And, leſt they alſo may diſcourag'd be,

(If I ſinck under that which lies on me)

I will, for that cauſe, hence occaſion take,

(Aſwell, for their, as for mine, and her ſake)

So plainly, what befals me to expreſſe,

That, no heart which hath any tenderneſs,

Beſeeming men, ſhall think a greater Tryal

Of humane patience, in a ſelf-denial

Can ever in the Fleſh be undergone,

Then this▪ which they ſuppoſe a ſlender one,

I have a juſt occaſion too, by that

To render her, that honour in the Gate,

Which is her due; and whereto I do ſtand

Obliged by King Lemuels Command;

And, from what I expreſſe, perhaps, likewiſe,

There may ſome other good effects ariſe.

What could the malice of the Devil invent,

To make more grievous my Impriſonment

Then at this time, wherein (for ought I know)

The laſt, and needful'ſt duty that I owe

Unto my deareſt Friend, ought to be paid,

To be unjuſtly in a Priſon ſtaid?

p. 83Were I detained but from ſuch a one,

As many have, (a Wife in name alone)

I ſhould be glad perhaps, I now am here,

Or, though within a far worſe place it were:

But, if I may with modeſty expreſſe,

What I believe, I can affirm no leſs

Then this; Though many women have done well,

Mine, with the beſt may be a parallel:

And, ſince my pow'r to nothing elſe extends

Which may, for what ſhe ſuffers make amends,

In words, at leaſt, Ile give her what is due

And ſay no more, then I believe is true.

Perhaps, when told, it will ſo far exceed

What is according to the common Creed,

That, many will ſuſpect it; But, know this

There is in that man very much amiſſe

Who, of his conſort, doth not ſo believe

In ſome degree, as I of mine conceive.

For, if he finds her not a helpful Wife,

Either, for this, or for the other Life;

The fault's his own, though ſhe may faulty prove;

And he ingratefully requites GOD's Love.

GOD gave her not, but, he himſelf acquir'd her,

By ſome ill means; or, for thoſe ends deſir'd her

Which make no Marriages, but what are evil,

And, were made by the World, Fleſh and the Devil.

Elſe, he would honour Providence Divine,

By praiſing of his Wife as I do mine.

Or, by confeſſing freely, as he ought,

That, GOD is juſt, in giving what he ſought.

Whether mine live or die, let none who hear them

Grudge her theſe praiſes, for her worth will bear them.

p. 84At firſt, I lov'd her, for his ſake that gave her;

Of him, I ſought her, and from him I have her,

If ſhe be yet alive, (which I yet hope,

And, that he to my fear will put a ſtop.)

That, we each other might affect the better,

(And, to be mutual helpers prove the fitter)

As EVE from ADAM, GOD did, as it were,

Firſt, make her out of me; then, me by her

He made more perfect; And ſince Eve was made

No man on earth a fitter helper had.

If any woman may Charactred be

By Lemuels pattern, I think this is ſhe:

For, having oftentimes compared them,

Betwixt them, little difference did ſeem.

She is a Prize, worth ev'ry precious ſtone

In India, were all their worths in One.

My heart in her hath truſted ſo, that yet

I never, ſince I knew her, felt a fit

Of Jealouſie or doubt, in any kinde,

Which brought the leaſt diſtemper to my mind.

She, at all times, much good to me hath done,

But, evil, in her life time, did me none.

With courage, her Affairs ſhe went about

By Day; at Night, her Candle went not out.

She was among the laſt, who came to bed;

The firſt, who in the Morning rais'd her head;

And, that no duty might be left undone,

Martha, and Mary, ſhe ſtill joyn'd in One.

In all Domeſtick Buſineſs, ſhe was skil'd,

Both in the houſe, and likewiſe in the Field:

And whilſt my time was otherwayes beſtown,

Diſpatch'd both my affaires, and her own.

She was no Prodigal, nor baſely ſparing;

All things were done without vexatious caring;

p. 85She chid thoſe, who (when chiding was in ſeaſon)

Were to be quickned more with noiſe, then Reaſon;

And, when to angry words they did provoke,

Her anger ended, when the words were ſpoke;

When, alſo, they were griev'd, who did miſdo,

She pardon'd, and with them, oft, grieved too.

All her Affairs, ſhe managing with Reaſon,

Appointed work and meat, in their due Seaſon

To ev'ry ſervant; and good notice took

Both of what was well, or Ill done, or ſpoke.

She feared GOD, and honour gave to them

Who were inveſted with a Pow'r Supream;

Her life, ſhe ſquared by GOD's holy Word,

According to the Light he did afford;

And, had her ſelf ſo exercis'd therein,

That, often ſhe my Concordance hath been;

Yea, and in Humane Hiſtories, to me

Been in the ſtead of my MNEMOSYNE.

A better Woman, Miſtris, Mother, Wife,

I never ſaw, nor ſhall ſee during life.

Rebecca like, ſhe gave me ſtill to eat

Aſwell moſt ſavory, as wholſom meat;

And, when GOD ſent me food, good care ſhe took,

The Devil ſhould not ſend me in a Cook.

To me, to mine, and our poor neighbourhood,

She, in the ſtead of our Phyſitian ſtood;

She, ſtill according to her power was ready

To give what things were needful to the needy;

Who did not wilful Beggarſhip profeſſe,

That, they might live in ſorded Idleneſe;

And, purchaſing her own food with her ſweat,

Abhor'd the bread of Idleneſs to eat:

She could ſpeak well, yet readier was to hear;

Exceeding Pleaſant, and yet as ſevere

p. 86As Cato. Though Corporeal Beauties be

Worn out with Age, ſhe is the ſame to me

She was at firſt, and t'was no mean perfection,

Which, in my Youth, ſurprized my Affection.

This is her Character, and in the word

Of Truth, this is thereof, a true record.

In her, I did as much contentment find,

As if I had enjoy'd all Woman-kind:

For, though a poor mans Conſort ſhe hath been,

She had a ſpirit might become a Queen;

Yet, knowing how to want and to abound,

Could make it ſtoop ev'n to the very ground;

And, if ſhe die, I ſhall but little care

For any thing ſhe leaves behind her here,

Except her Children, and that which relates

To GOD, and to our Spiritual Eſtates.

The deprivation of her company

And, of thar joy in her ſociety

Which I have had, is far a greater loſs,

Then, all thoſe many Baubles and that droſſe,

Whereof the world deprives me; or, of them

(Had they heen mine) which others moſt eſteem.

This ſeperation is the great'ſt deſpight

That malice could have done me at her height;

And might we live, where we might live alone

To talk of that, which GOD for us hath done,

(And means to do) my Joy would be much more

With competence, then with the worlds whole ſtore,

Were I depriv'd of her; who, might be here

So neceſſary a Remembrancer.

Now, Judge (if you or I, do this believe)

Whether I had not cauſe enough to grieve,

That we were ſo, divided from each other,

Left hopeleſs, we again ſhould meet together.

p. 87Though ſuch in ev'ry point, ſhe may not be,

Yet, ſince that ſhe doth ſuch appear to me;

Think, if by fear of looſing ſuch a Prize,

A man who is far ſtronger, and more wiſe,

Might not, when thereby ſuddenly oretaken

As much with like diſtemp'ratures be ſhaken:

And, whether (taking to conſideration

The ſenſe I have of ev'ry Humane Paſſion)

Ought may befall, as I am Fleſh and Blood,

That could more difficultly be withſtood.

But, notwithſtanding what's expreſt, let no man

Suppoſe I have forgot ſhe is a Woman.

I am not ſo Uxorious, or unwiſe,

To think that ſhe hath no Infirmities;

Or, that to any other ſhe doth ſeem

So worthy as ſhe is in my eſteem.

The rough hard ſhells in which rich Pearls do lie,

Shew not their Beauty to a ſtrangers eye.

And Vertues, when that they moſt perfect are,

Sometimes, like faulty Actions may appear

To lookers on, who have not means to know

How done, nor to what end, nor whence they flow;

And then eſpecially, when their Spectators,

Are Envious, or their Foes, or Vertue's haters.

The mildeſt Medicine, ſore eyes, diſeaſes,

A ſickly Stomack wholſom'ſt meat, diſpleaſes;

And ſo the beſt and nobleſt Diſpoſitions,

Are moſt diſlik'd by men of baſe Conditions;

Becauſe their Vertues, if they neighbours are,

Do make their Vices greater to appear.

Her precions Balms, have ſometimes made me ſmart,

But, I confeſſe, the cauſe was on my part,

If ſhe adminiſtred a bitter pill

In love, to make me well, when I was Ill.

p. 88And well ſhe might ſometimes occaſion find,

To give me wholſome Phyſick of that kind,

By cautions and remembrances apply'd

In ſeaſon, when my wit was foolifi'd:

For, nothing purpoſely, from her I hid

That, in my life, I ſaid, or thought, or did.

And (that ſhe might, at full, be privy to

My whole Affairs, and all I had to do)

No Letter unto me in abſence came,

But leave I gave her to break ope the ſame.

Which freedom (with ſuch) mutually beſtown

Made me to her, and her to me ſo known,

That, what the outſide of my Actions be,

My Conſcience hardly better knowes then ſhe.

Small uſe of an Affection can be there,

Or proofs of Friendſhip, where no failings are.

There's hardly poſſibility of living,

With any one, who never needs forgiving;

For, he, who in his Conſort finds no blame,

When he fails, will confounded be with ſhame.

By theſe Expreſſions, which have ſhown in part,

My Paſſions, I have ſomewhat eas'd my heart.

And, though impertinent, they ſeem to be

To others, they are pertinent to me,

In ſhewing me my weakneſs, and from whom

My helps, in all extremities muſt come.

My Paſſion is the ſame; but, this, makes way

For Reaſon, to command, which did obey;

And, this Divertiſment a ſtop, brings in

To that, which elſe, might have deſtructive been.

Yet, Inſtrumental, though my Reaſon was

Herein, th' Efficient is Preventing Grace:

And therefore, Him, from whom this Mercy came,

I, thus Petition to compleat the ſame.

p. 89My God! my heart, thou haſt now touched nearly,

And doſt in that, which I affect moſt dearly,

Begin to try my Faith; That Faith of mine

Which (if a true Faith) was a gift of thine;

It was by thee, upon my Soul begot:

Into Temptation, therefore lead me not

Beyond my ſtrength; But LORD deliver me

From Evil, that, I may not foiled be:

Thy onelyonly Son, to thee, taught me to pray

In words to this effect, when any way

I was oppreſt; Compaſſion therefore take

On me, (though not for mine) LORD, for his ſake;

And me diſmiſſe not, in this ſad Condition,

Without a kind reply to my Petition:

For, as Lot ſaid of Zoar, LORD, the boone

I new requeſt is but a little one;

And, peradventure, ſhould my foes perceive

Thou doſt of every comfort him bereave

Who hath deſir'd to magnifie thy Name,

It might occaſion give them to blaſpheme,

Or, make thy ſervants to begin to Fear

That, thou regard'ſt not how oppreſt they are.

That Helper, which thou didſt on me beſtow,

(And, Whoſe aſſiſtance is much needed now)

Thou ſeem'ſt to call upon me to reſign,

As one, who muſt no longer now be mine.

Be not diſpleaſed LORD, if I ſhall ſay

Thou tak'ſt the comfort of my life away;

And that, I do expect thou ſhouldſt not leave me

Quite comfortleſs, if thou of her bereave me.

Why doſt thou Dictate to my heart this Prayer,

If thou intend'ſt, to leave me in deſpaire?

It cannot be, thou move me ſhouldſt to crave,

That, which thou doſt not purpoſe I ſhould have.

p. 90I do depend on thee, and hazarded

Both her, and all that in this world I had

For thy Cauſe, if my heart be not untrue:

Though therefore, nothing is by merit due,

Vouchſafe, (if with thy will accord it may)

Her life with health, and for a longer day,

That, we with thankfulneſs, in praiſes giving,

May ſhew thy Mercies forth, among the living.

With Tokens of thy favour, make us glad,

According to the Troubles we have had.

And, make thy other ſervants hopeful be

Of that Salvation, which thou ſhew'ſt to me.

Make it appear unto this Generation

That, we have the ſame GOD, the ſame Salvation

In theſe our dayes, that was in former times,

Aſwell, as ſuch like Tyrrannies and Crimes.

Make it appear that thou haſt love for us

Aſwell as heretofore for Lazarus;

That, thou, who didſt hear Hagar for a Son,

And, Hannah's Prayer, when ſhe beg'd for one,

Doſt not deſpiſe my Prayer for the life

Of my beloved and Afflicted Wife;

Or, haſt leſs pitty now then heretofore

Thou hadſt of other ſome, who did deplore

Their dead or dying Friends; and when they mourn'd,

Had them into their boſoms back return'd.

Let it be known to thoſe who do begin

To think, thou art not that which thou haſt been,

Becauſe that this Age hath produc'd occaſions

To ſhew thy ſelf in other diſpenſations.

Though to run back to Egypt, we are ready;

As froward, as Rebellious, and as giddy.

As they whom thou broughtſt thence; though, every way

As falſe, as faithleſs, and as apt as they

p. 91To ſet up golden Calves: Though, as were then

There be among us here, ſuch wicked men

As Jannes, and as Jambres, who reſiſt

Not Moſes, but a greater, JESUS CHRIST;

And, ſtrive by their Inchantments how to bring

Us back to bondage, and ſeduce the King

By curſed ſorceries; yet, make it known;

That, thou in Brittain doſt a People own:

That as when Iſrael was from Pharoh ſaved;

That, as thou wert with Moſes and with David,

And with thy People who in thraldom were

At Babel, thou art preſent with us here.

(LORD! I beſeech thee mind thou not the leſs

My private ſuit, although my zeal to this

Diverts me from it: for, Ile further yet

Purſue that, though thou me ſhouldſt quite forget)

Apparant make it, that, ſome yet inherit

A Portion of the ſelf ſame pow'rful Spirit

Which fill'd Elias; and if need require,

That thou haſt Prophets, who can call down Fire,

Hail, Thunder-bolts, and other dreadful things

Upon the Troops and Armies of thoſe Kings

Who Perſecute thy Saints; and Heaven conſtrain

Either to let fall, or withhold the Rain,

As to thy ſervice it ſhall appertain!

For, this, though, hardly yet believ'd of any,

Will ſhortly be made manifeſt to many;

And thy vouchſafeing this requeſt of mine,

May make it, to this Age, perhaps, a ſigne

That, thou, as heretofore, doſt lend an ear

At need, to every private ſufferer,

As well as unto Publick Grievances,

And, that, when ripen'd are Iniquities

p. 92A greater Conqueſt will be got by Words,

Then ever was in any Age, by Swords.

My Dear Redeemer, if it may be thus,

Be pleas'd to Mediate this boon for us.

That ſuit, for which this Prayer was begun

I will renew, now this digreſſions done;

Yet, neither this, nor ought elſe Ile require,

(Though rather then my life, I this deſire)

But, what, with thy Good pleaſure may conſiſt:

And, thou haſt nothing openly expreſt

To make me doubtful that may not be done;

For, then, I therein thus far, had not gone.

All, things thou ſeem'ſt to will, accord not to

That, which thou haſt decreed for us to do,

As being abſolutely neceſſary:

For, ſome of them are but Probationary:

Things, by us, rather to be will'd, then done,

As when, to Sacrifice his OnelyOnly Son

Thou didſt command thy ſervant Abraham;

And, when that our obedience is the ſame,

With us, it otherwhile, doth ſo ſucceed

That, thou the Will, accepteſt for the Deed;

And, mayſt another Sacrifice, this day

Accept in her ſtead, for whom I now Pray.

This, moveth Duſt and Aſhes, now, to do,

What Natural Affection prompts me to:

Make her and me, ſo perfectly reſign

Our ſelves, that our will, may be one with thine;

And, Pardon this bold pleading; for, had we

No will, which may be ſaid our own to be,

There could be no obedience. Good nor Ill,

Can be, in him, that is not free to will.

LORD! this my Conſort, is as dear to me

As Iſaac unto Abraham could be;

p. 93Yet, if thou wilt reſume her at this time,

(Although with me thou deal not as with him)

As abſolutely, as he did intend

His Sacrifice; I, her to thee commend.

From thee I had her; up to thee I give her;

I, wholly unto thy diſpoſure leave her;

And, whether thou ſhalt keep, or give her back,

Ile wear it as a Favour, for thy ſake.

And, this, is all Ile abſolutely crave,

(Wherein, I know, I may requeſt ſhall have)

If, with thine honour, it may to her good

Conduce, to let her make with me abode

A little longer time, that time allow;

Or elſe with all my heart, reſume her now.

For, ſave to ſerve thee, and our Generation,

According to the end of our Creation,

(And for thy Glory) neither ſhe, nor I

(If I do know her) wiſh to live or die.

If, her appointed labour now be done,

(And I muſt here abide to work alone,)

Take her into thine Arms before ſhe go;

Make her not barely, to believe, but know,

That, this our ſad and ſuddain Separation

Is for thy Glory, and for our Salvation:

(For, from the life and Death of greateſt Kings

But ſeldom ſo much real honour ſprings

To glorifie thy Name, as doth from ſome

Who fill on earth, a deſpicable Roome.)

Give her an earneſt, that ſhe ſhall poſſeſſe

Thy love, in everlaſting happineſs;

And, that, we, whom ſhe leaves afflicted here,

(Continning in our love to thee ſincere)

Shall by the Mediatorſhip of him

Who bought us, meet at thy appointed time,

p. 94Where we ſhall never part; where, Tyrannies,

Of others, nor our own Infirmities,

Nor any thing which is to come, or paſt,

Deprives, of what for thine, prepar'd thou haſt:

And, if ſhe live, ſo let our deeds expreſſe

Whilſt here we live, what we in words profeſſe;

That others, may, until my dying day

Believe ther's truth, in what I write and ſay,

To that end, keep us pleaſed with our Lot;

Though little, much, or nothing ſhall be got

Of what we had; my GOD preſerve us too

From ſtumbling, and from reeling to and fro,

Or ſtagg'rings in our Tryals, whereby they

Who are in like Afflictions, ſtagger may:

But, with true Joy, ſo let thy Holy Ghoſt

Repleniſh us, that, (although all be loſt

Belonging to this world) thy Saints may ſee

That, there is All-ſufficiency in thee.

Now, live or die my DEAR, GOD's will be done;

He fills my heart, and my Diſtemper's gone.

Since, GOD hath freed me from this Carnal Fear,

Let World, and Devil henceforth do what they dare.

The greater weights they ſhall upon me lay,

The ſooner, I from them ſhall ſcape away.

If, me, they ſhall into a Dungeon throw,

Both dark and deep, that none may come to know

What, I ſay, think or do; yet, what's done there,

By theſe my Scraps and Crums, it will appear,

Though ſcribled haſtily, yea, help prevent

What, peradventure, is the Worlds intent;

And hint, that, though Cloſe-Priſoner me they keep,

I ſhall not wholly ſpend my time in ſleep.

For, doubtleſs, to my GOD, there, ſpeak I ſhall

Like Jonas, in the Belly of a Whale,

p. 95And (as the Blood of Abel did) ſpeake then,

That, which will more prevaile then Tongue or Pen.

Iſaiah 38.

The living, The living (O GOD) ſhall praiſe thee as I do this day.

(YET) Bleſſed are they who die in the LORD; for they ſhall reſt from their Labours, and their works follow them.

Revel. 14.13.

Octob. 6.1661.