Remains, Meditation 2
A Meditation on the Death of Chriſt, Preparative to the Sacrament: Pen'd for his private uſe.
BUT is he dead? Oh ſad! yet joyful news! how ſtrangely is my ſoul amazed, and diverſly mov'd and troubl'd by theſe contrary paſſions! methinks I could pull up the floodgates of my ſorrow, and vent it out in tears; but ſomething bids me hold. Shall I mourn for him that's juſt now paſt his ſtate of mourning? He's dead! and what of that? And ſo are all his griefs, his bloody ſweats, his ſighs and groans concluded, He hath drunk on the brook in the way; bitter while they were in his mouth, and he was living; but ſweet now they have ſunk into his belly, and and he in Heaven. Sweet to him, becauſe it was his work, and he hath finiſht it; and ſweet to me, becauſe it was the potion of ſorrow, death, hell, that I muſt have taken. And canſt thou mourn! methinks if thou didſt love, thine heart ſhould rather ſympathize with his: He is ſinging, and ſhalt thou be ſighing? He is joying that his work is done, and now is welcoming into Heaven by God his Father, and ſhouting up by Angels voices, as the great Conquerour of the hearts of men on earth, and that now in triumph he is returned. And will a mournful weed, a wet eye, and a cloudy brow, become thee at theſe times of Feſtivals? Shall the Heavenly Angels be joyful, and thou ſad? How ſtrangely will this be conſtrued! Will it not be ſaid, thou doſt not love him? or thou doſt envy his recovered glory that he had left, and now again hath taken? Or that thou canſt not endure to ſee him wear his Princes Crown in Heaven, that for a time he had laid aſide to come down to the earth to fetch thee thence to Heaven? But ah! my Lord, thou wilt not ſure interpret ſorrow thus; thou haſt not ſure forgot to give a meaning unto tears, to teach a ſigh to ſpeak, and then to know its language! Hath my Lord forgot ſo ſuddenly that he was on earth, and that he ſweat, and groan'd, and wept, and bled, as well as I do now? What though now all tears, and ſorrow, and ſighing is done away, and he ceaſeth to be any longer ſubject to our infirmities? yet ſure he knows it is not thus with us. I am not yet in Heaven, nor am I yet quite paſt the vale of ſorrow; and it cannot then be ſtrange to him, if he ſees ſometimes our faces look of a ſadder hue than thoſe that are in Heaven. But why ſhould thus my tears be check'd, and my throbbing heart be chidden? were it for a thing of nought I might be counted fool or child; but ſhall my Saviour die, and vent his ſoul in a ſtream of blood, and all in love to me? and ſhall he thus forſake the world, and die, and then be laid in the grave, and I be denied the liberty of following him thither as a mourner? Shall it be ſaid of the Prince of glory, that he died and had the burial of an aſs? becauſe there was none to ſorrow forth thoſe words of, Ah my Lord! What! ſhall it be granted to a Wife to mourn for the death of a beloved Husband? and to a Child at the burial of a beloved Father? Shall not ſuch be blamed, but rather pitied? And ſhall their friends come in and confeſs the loſs and the ground of their ſorrow juſt, and rather ſit them down and bear them company in their grief? And muſt I of all be thus cenſur'd? Away with an Husband, Wife, or Child to me: Is he not more to me than ten Husbands? Might I not have had an hundred that would have never done half ſo much for me as he hath done? That firſt left his glory for my ſake, and then laid down his life, and took the ſtroke upon himſelf that I my ſelf deſerved, and all becauſe he lov'd me? Was ever friend like this friend! and ever love, like this love! Many waters cannot quench love; but neither waters, blood, death, nor many deaths could quench his love to me. But ſhall he love, and die in love, and thus be forc'd to leave me, becauſe he lov'd me, and I not mourn the abſence of my beſt Beloved? How unreaſonably may any this deny me! But ah! what a bitter-worded check did I even now receive; as if my ſorrow would ariſe from the envying of his now glorious ſtate, and not from any love I bear him? Oh! what needle-pointed words are thoſe! methinks they have pierc'd mine heart in every part, and from each prick hath ſtarted forth a drop, that hath ſet it o're with a bloody dew! But how can it once be thought that envy ſhould get a room in an heart that's full of love, with which it ſwells, it bubbles up, and runs all over? it cannot be. Bear witneſs heavens! I do not grieve that you contain him, but that I on earth have loſt him! Oh my God! I am not ſorry that thy Son hath paſt his ſufferings, and is arriv'd to reſt, and got again into thy boſom, his ancient neſt of love and pleaſure. Oh you bleſſed Orders of Seraphims and Cherubims, and you innumerable company of the ſpirits of the juſt men made perfect! I do not envy that you have my Lord with you, that you ſee his face, and live and walk, and joy in the light of his countenance: Alas! we your poor Brethren could not make him ſo welcome here on earth, as you can there: we lov'd him as ſincerely as you, and believ'd in him, and took delight too in him; but yet nothing near ſo much as you. You know him better than we do; for you know him as you are known, and therefore know better how to prize him. We know him but in part, and the value, price, and love could but be in the like proportion. He is therefore far much better there than here; and how ſhall I then either envy him or you! And what, my ſoul! ſhould I wiſh him back again? what if I thought I could prize and love him more, and could promiſe the like for all his beloved diſciples? I could not alike engage for the wicked, envious, malicious, unbelieving world; I could not promiſe he ſhould meet with no other Herod to ſeek his life, or that the hard-hearted Jews would give him better entertainment, whom they dare yet curſe with the name of Conjurer, though Moſes and their Prophets bore witneſs to him, and though they received a ſeal from Heaven in voices, thunders, ſigns, and an innumerable company of real Miracles. Oh no! my Lord! though I could wiſh to fee thy face again on earth, yet not in ſuch a ſtate of miſery in the midſt of a den of Bears and Lions, as not long ſince thou waſt. Ah! thou knoweſt I took no delight to hear that traiterous news of thine own Apoſtle that had betray'd thee; and that it fill'd mine heart with anguiſh to hear how ſhamefully and ſcornfully thou waſt abuſed. Thou ſaweſt me bluſh when I heard thy face was ſpit on; my head did ake when thine was crowned with thorns. Anguiſh and indignation did looſe my nerves, and with a palſie ſhook mine hands, when thine had a mock-Scepter put into them, a reed, and a ſcoff, Hail Jeſus King of the Jews. And did not mine heart break and bleed to hear that thine was pierced! Ah my Lord! and ſhall I yet find an heart to wiſh thee here again! No, no, I am glad thou haſt eſcap'd their bloody hands, and now got quite without their reach. I am glad thou haſt got to perfect eaſe and reſt; and know'ſt no pains, nor griefs, nor ſorrows. Oh! take a full poſſeſſion of thy Fathers breaſt, and ſit thee down upon his Throne, Thou art a King for ever. And take delight in theſe thy ſoul-did travel, die and bleed for on earth. I will repine at nothing that ſhall advance thy glory. But Oh! thou cruel bloody unbelieving world! you wicked murtherous bloody Jews! though I rejoice my Lord is ſafe arrived home, and quietly landed within his haven; yet from you I cannot hold mine anger, that made his Sea a Sea of blood, and drain'd his heart to make it deep, and fill'd his ſails with ſighs and groans, that caus'd his voyage to be ſo doleful. What good got you to ſtand and laugh to ſee him ſorrowful? to ſcoff and jeer to hear his lamentations? what curſed rage was that to make ſuch haſt to fetch him vinegar and gall to prolong his life, to lengthen out his dolors? How could you find ſuch barbarous hearts to triumph over a bleeding dying lamb, that was ſo innocent? How could you taunt at him when you heard him praying for you, Father forgive them! and ſo tenderly excuſing you, for they know not what they do! Methinks that kindly harmleſs carriage ſhould have pierced your hearts; thoſe melting words ſhould have diſſolv'd them; and inſtead of piercing him, I ſhould have thought you pierced. And ah! but that I know an unbelieving heart my ſelf, and underſtand what hardneſs means, I ſhould ſtand and wonder! Oh! it's too hard an Adamant for downy words, and doleful ſounds, and tender carriages to break and ſhatter! How often have I outſtood all thoſe my ſelf! And when I ſerved my fleſh, how little did I mind them! And when they have been preſented to me in the Goſpel, or in a Sermon told that all theſe tortures he endur'd for me, and I in part believed it too, yet was I not as a man bereft of my ſenſes, and I was no more mov'd in mine heart, as if I had not heard or underſtood, and were quite bereav'd of ſenſe and reaſon. But had I thus continued in my ſenſeleſs unbelieving ſtate, and as I liv'd ſo died; yet how deſervedly ſhould I have born the wrath of God, and have been ſent to Hell as a recompence of mine unbelief? And yet, you careleſs ſecure Jews, can you think to eſcape when God comes to make inquiſition for blood? How will you do if this ſin ſhall find you out? If God requires blood for blood, what will become of yours? If he had been no more than a common man, the Law would then have required your lives for payment. But how if in the end he prove a Prophet? nay more than that, the Son of the moſt high God, the Prince and Saviour whom God had promiſed to raiſe, the Meſſiah whom Moſes and the Prophets bare witneſs to, and him that you ſo long long'd and wiſht to ſee! How will you look! what will you ſay! what anſwer will you make when all theſe truths are cleared? where will you hide your ſelves for ſhame? and what will you do when confuſion ſhall thus take hold upon you? What! will you then confeſs the fact, or will you deny it? with what face can you do the firſt? And if you do the latter, the curſe you and your Fathers drew upon your ſelves, Let his blood be upon us and our children! ſtands ſtill on record againſt you, and will cry you guilty. Will you excuſe it with your unbelieving ignorance? But how will you be able to rub your brows into ſo much confidence? How dare you ſay you were ignorant of him, when you ſay you knew both Moſes and the Prophets, and they bare witneſs of him? You askt a ſign, and did he not give you both ſigns and wonders? How often did he cure your Lame? How wonderfully did he heal your Lepers, and thoſe ſick of the Palſie, yea of all manner of diſeaſes? How did he open the eyes of the blind, and give light to him that was born blind! yea, reſtore the withered hand, and make the crooked ſtraight, and open the ears of the deaf, and caſt out Devils, and raiſe the dead! Therefore let all the houſe of Iſrael know aſſuredly, that God hath made that Son Jeſus whom ye have crucified, both Lord and Chriſt.
Upon which Text, Act. 2.36. the Author Mr. Tho. Wadſworth preach'd at Gregories Church by Pauls, March 29, 1656. evidencing clearly from thoſe words:
(1) That the poor life and ignominious death of him that was crucified at Jeruſalem, was no good argument why the Jews ſhould reject him from being the promiſed Meſſiah.
(2) That that very God-man named Jeſus Chriſt that was crucified at Hieruſalem, was the true Meſſiah whom God made and appointed to be Saviour to the World.
If his Notes were ſufficiently legible, in the proving and improving of theſe two Propoſitions, ſo that they might have been publiſht (as they cannot, unleſs any took them in ſhort-hand for his own uſe) there would have been found in that Diſcourſe a notable antidote againſt the poyſons of Judaiſm, and the Atheiſm of this preſent age.