Christian and Conjugal Counsel, Title page – Table of contents
CHRISTIAN AND CONJUGAL COUNSELL OR, Christian Counsell, applyed unto the MARIED ESTATE.
By Will. Thomas, Minister of the Gospel, and Rector of the Church of Ubley.
Heb. 13. 4.
Mariage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled.
Bernard. super Cantica. Serm. 66.
Tolle de Ecclesia honorabile connubium & …um immaculatum, nonne reples eam concubinariis incestuosis, semini…luis mollibus, masculorum concubitoribus, & omni deniquè genere immundorum?
London, Printed for Edward Thomas at the Adam and Eve in Little Britain. 1661
To the CHRISTIAN READER.
THese Meditations (Good Reader) were long since conceived and imparted for the use of one entr… into the Maried state▪ and comming afterward into more hands, the printing of them hath been long since desired, which (the World being full of Books, and my self of Weakness) I diverted, and …ve hitherto deser'd.
Yet fearing lest being fixed among … few in a private place, I should be wanting to more▪ and …onsidering that what I have here written is so little, as that it is not like to be tedious; and of such a subject as toucheth upon the substance of Godliness, and so may be some way profitable, I have, at length, advenred to let it see the light.
And that the rather, because I would have this imprinted in the harts of Christians, that Religion is much seen in Relations; Hence the Apostles proceeding in their Epistles from matters of doctrine to prescripts of practise, do therein descend, and disperse their directions into several Callings and Conditions, as of Magistrates and Subjects, Ministers and People, Husband and Wife, Parents and Children, Masters and Servants; Many of which are conteined and concerned in the Maried estate: Even Nature and Reason make Offices and Societie-services the tryal of Vertue, Magistratus Virum indicatit being an easie matter to creep into a Cell, and under a pretence He that will prove his yoke of Oxen proves them best by putting them into the yoke, Luk. 14. 19▪ with 2 Cor. 6. 14.of Devotion to serve and satisfie Selfwill: but to appear in the sight of the Sun, and to appear approved when there are many quicksighted, and some severe observers; this will find work enough for the greatest grace where it is, and too much for the best nature where it is not.
This difficulty, and the excellency of walking with approbation in the works and offices belonging to all and every one, in their particular place and calling, I am the more willing to note, because I have heard divers Godly persons complain, that having had in the Single estate much liberty for sweet and Soulrefreshing conversings with God, being afterwards maried, and having a Family to look to, they have been so forced from them, as to find a great losse in their acquaintance with God, in regard of that frequent enlarged and un-interrupted communion with him which they formerly enjoyed. But let not such who would fain be communing with God bGen. …8. 33.if they could, and at Jesus feet cLuk. 10. 39.if they might, droop or be disconsolate, much lesse dismayed, for now (being entred into society) they come to make use of that habit, and those helps of holyness, which they got and laid up in the single estate; And this may be a Rule, that the Use of all preparatory exercises and assistances is better than the Using of them: They therefore that shew forth the power of their former religious performances, do not lose, but make a gainfull exchange, They do but come from the exercises of Religion, to the exercise, which is the end, ornament, perfection, and complement of all Exercises.
Its true as the Apostle saith, He that is Unmaried careth for the things belonging to the Lord, how he may please the Lord, that is, having not other things to care for, he is more free for it; He doth not say that every one that is maried taketh that care, or that if a man be once maried, he taketh it not, but onelyonly that the Un-maried have an advantage, and may do it more and more easily Again, He that is maried careth for the things that are of the World, how he may please his wife, a1 Cor. 7. 32, 33, 34.but then this is to be noted that he performs a good office in it, his Care is not his Sin but his Duty; and every Duty hath its comfort and reward; Yea that care and sorrow which women are called to in the Maried estate, hath this comfort assured to it, that (their continuance in Faith, Charity, Holynesse and Sobriety being supposed) they shall be saved in Childe-bearing, b1 Tim, 2. 15.that is, the conscientious and patient performance of the offices, and undergoing the afflictions of Child-bearing women, is their proper way to Heaven; for that's the work which God hath committed to them to do, cMark 13, …4.and the thing wherein the reality of their Religion is to discover it self.
Yet here there is need to annex a Caution, to wit, that though the external duties of religion be lessened by mariage (I mean to some, for divers that had lesse liberty before mariage have more by it,) I say, though religious duties be lessened by mariage, yet they must not be left; Christians, whether maried or unmaried must still acquaint their hearts with wisedom, dEccles. 2. 2.and be provident to preserve their Fellowship with God; They that can be content with an Husband, with a Wife and Children (and all Worldly accommodations) without God, never knew what it was to enjoy God. Nay rather, They that have Wives must be as if they had none, e1 Cor. …. 29.that is, in regard of their readinesse for the service of God. A Husband must not say, I have maried a Wife, and therefore I cannot come, fLuke 14. 20.Nor the Wife, I have a Husband, therefore God cannot have me; but though they be not able to take (as some unmaried may) every opportunity, yet they must not neglect those they may take, nor make themselves lyable to that most sad Charge of making light gMat. 22. 5.of Gods Ordinances and gracious invitations.
But the Gate growes wide for so little an House (although it may be reckoned a part of the House, I shall hasten therefore; If any require why I publish this at this time, it might be enough for me so aged) to answer, Because every man should do what good he can while he hath time; yet something more may be said in regard of the present time, wherein the great God (whose Works are like Himself) by rare providences, I say, rare and admirable providences, both because so high and so dry, hath in such sort altered and bettered the state of things amongst us, that our rightfull, gracious and accomplished King is returned unto us, which, if our high sins, our broad and spreading prophaness, and deep security do not hinder, promiseth unto us an happy Settlement. Now, as times of trouble and persecution detain and deter from mariage, so times of peace (albeit mariage should have some further and greater reason than National rest) I say, times of peace and establishment, give encouragement to it, and consequently make these and the like Scripture-directions seasonable for the rendring of it more holy, and thereby more happy.
And to say all, though this advice reflect on the maried estate, yet it is not so appropriated to it, but that there is use of it, as there is of that godlyness and regular Walking, that it perswades unto, in every estate: It is Christian as well as Conjugal counsell, and though it be composed for, and contrived into the maried condition, yet (that estate being so comprehensive) much of it may serve indifferently for Christians in every Condition.
Desiring thy prayers (Christian Reader) that the Author of the Counsell (or rather the weak Instrument) may be Himself the Observer; I rest,
Thy Servant for Jesus sake, William Thomas.
ERRATA.
Epistle, P. 4. concentred r. concerned.
P. 27. Christan, r. Christian.
P. 41. Col. 1. 17. r. Col. 4. 17.
P. 69. l. 8. damage, r danger.
P. 63. l. 7. comfort, r. consort.
P. 84. l. 8. rustles, r. justles.
P. 88. l. 2. it combines, r. is comliness.
The Matter of the ensuing MEDITATIONS Summ'd up, and referr'd to the several Numbers and Partitions of them: WHEREIN—
1 Mariage dignity and duty is generally mentioned. N. 1, 2, 3.
2 Four Requisites in Mariage.
1 Zeale in Religion. N. 5.
2 Patience in all Occasions. N 6. where is further declared concerning Impatience—
1 The evils of it, as being an Enemy to comfortable Society,
1 With God. N 9, 10.
2 With Men. N. 11.
3 With our own Consciences. N. 12.
2 Supports for those that groan under it. N. 14, &c.
3 The cure of it. N. 17. Viz.
1 Consideration of Gods providence. N. 19.
2 Of our own faults. N. 21.
3 Communing with our own hearts. N. 22.
4 Faithfull friends. N. 23.
5 Prayer. N. 24.
3 Wisedome: And that——
1 In matters of Religion:] Particularly, in using and ordering
1 Of religious Exercises. N. 26, 27.
2 Of Christian and edifying conference and admonition, enlarged with divers particular directions from N. 28, to N. 41.
2 In duties of Relation: Namely, relating—
1 To Ministers. N. 41, to 49.
2 To Neighbours and Friends. N. 49, to. 53.
3 To those in the Family. N. 53. Viz.—
1 Equals. N. 54.
2 Inferiours. N. 55.
3 Man and Wife: where there are divers advertisements for both. N. 56, to N. 66.
4 Children, to whom Parents owe
1 Instruction. N. 66, to 69.
2 Correction. N. 69.
3 Disposition into a Calling. N. 70.
4 Disposition in Mariage—to a Consort religious, discreet, with respect to Person and Portion. N. 71, 72, 73, 74.