The True Christians T est, Part 2 · Meditation 15
MEDITAT. XV. Of Perſons that Marry, and give in Marriage.
MArriage is now become neceſſary to the greateſt part of Mankind, and is made warrantable, yea, and honourable too, by the Ordination of God. I have already allow'd its juſt praiſes to a Single State, (vide Meditat. 2.) and I hope there are many that live in that State, pure and undefiled. But to oblige our ſelves, or any that are under our power, ſo to live, I doubt proves a Snare to many, and perhaps an Inconvenience to all.
But beſides thoſe that vow Virginity upon a Religious Account, there are a great many that prolong the Single State of their Children in deſpight of their Inclinations, upon a Worldly Account, in the groſfeſt Senſe. And what can I think of thoſe Parents, who knowing the Inclinations of their Children, of a juſt Age, Conſtitution, and Diſcretion, and having fair opportunities of Matching them comfortably, do yet conſtrain them to paſs the Flower of their Youth, as the Apoſtle ſtiles it, and to ſtay for ſo many Hundreds or Thouſands, before they will part with them. I know there are a great many ſhuffling Excuſes; but to prefer Portions or Jointures, an Honourable or Worſhipful Alliance, a particular Serviceableneſs to our Selves▪ or to our Affairs, before that Peace, Purity, Satisfaction and Contentment, which is in a deſired Conjugal State, muſt needs be a Symptom of a Worldly Mind.
If theſe Parents do not behave themſelves harſhly and bitterly againſt their Children according to the Apoſtles Phraſe (Eph. 6. 4.) yet I am ſure they behave themſelves unſeemly towards them, according to this Phraſe elſewhere.
It does not belong to my Meditations at this time, to ſhew the miſchievous conſequences of ſuch reſtraint, whether Whoreing and Wantonneſs, inconvenient and pernicious Matching of themſelves, uncomfortable Melancholy, Diſeaſes, and perhaps Death it ſelf. But I am heartily ſorry to find this Symptom of Worldlineſs there, where it ought leaſt of all to be found.
The lord pity all thoſe who never ſaw that they offended in this matter, till it was too late to ſee it! Of the like Character are all thoſe Parents and Guardians, who by Threatnings or other Severities, by perpetual Importunities, and Solicitations, do force their Children, for meer Worldly Reſpects, to accept of Matches againſt their Inclination and Approbation. If there can be any Raviſhing of a Maid without Deflowring her, this is it; and it is the more abominable, becauſe it is Parents Raviſhing their own Children. And we need not wonder to ſee ſo bad conſequences of ſo bad premiſes, no wonder if they prove to Love where they Marry not, who were forced to Marry where they Loved not.
But of all kinds of violences, methinks Self-forcing is the moſt unnatural; and merely for the Love of Land or Money, to commit a Rape upon ones own Reaſon, Judgment, Affection, and Diſcretion, is next to Barbarous; nay, I queſtion whether there be any thing in Barbarity like it.
It was good Policy, and is brought for an Example of good Oratory, Sic Sacrilegus, ſic Fur, ſic Flagitiorum omnium Vitiorumque Princeps, ac est bonus Imperator.
But how it ſhould be good Divinity, or how it ſhould ever be the language of the heart of any Divines, She is ignorant of the things of Religion, proud, carnal, vain, and many ways unſuitable; but yet ſhe will make me a good Wife, for ſhe has ſo much Land, or ſo much Money. That this, I ſay, ſhould be the Language of any Chriſtians heart, I ſhould be loth to believe, but how ſhall I help it: For what pretence can I have for my unbelief, when I do ſee ſo frequent Examples before my Eyes.
Does not every Body, every day, ſee Men and Women profeſſing Religion, Marrying, or Giving themſelves in Marriage, to Mates that are little elſe than Enemies to Religion, plainly preferring the advancement of their Eſtates, and Worldly Intereſt, before their ſpiritual Advantages, and the comfort of their Souls, or indeed Lives either? Oh but they themſelves know no hurt by them, they have better thoughts of them; Love is blind. Would to God, Chriſtian People would deal ſincerely with themſelves, and then let any of theſe anſwer and ſay, whether they run upon Marriage or blind fold or no. If not, then they have either obſerved or enquired: And if both upon obſervation and enquiry they have found nothing very deſirable, but the Eſtate or the Portion, I would fain know what is the predominant Motive. And to ſay Love is blind, is a woful ſhift; it is but a ſitting down tamely, and being content with the Character of a Fool.
It is too true, That the Love of the World does ſo blind the eyes of Men, that they can ſee none of theſe Infirmities, Deformities, Inequalities, nor ill Conſequences neither, that do plainly enough accompany or attend their Matching: but this does not render them the more excuſable, nor, methink, ſhould it give them any eaſe.
It was a little Alleviation of blind Sampſon's miſery, grinding in the Priſon, to think that the Philiſtines had put out his Eyes by Force: But for men to put out their own Eyes, and then cry, They cannot ſee; or expect to be pitied in their Drudgery, is utterly in vain. Their Bondage and Drudgery indeed renders them Pitiable, but the Blindneſ, that is alledged for the cauſe of it, renders them ridiculous. But ſhall we think then that every Man and Woman is bound to ſeek after the beſt, and accept of none but the beſt Perſons in Marriage?
I ſhall not trouble my ſelf about this Captious Queſtion: But ſure I am, Goodneſs with every Lover of God ought to be a more powerful Charm, than either Wealth or Beauty. It is the beſt Match where they all meet, but that will not be always: However, if a man cannot have them all, he can tell which he is reſolved to have, and which he can be beſt content to want. This I am ſure of, if it be not a mans Duty abſolutely to ſeek the beſt Wife that he can get, it is much leſs his Duty to aim at the richeſt. I conceive the whole World of wicked Men and Women is juſtly divided into Unbelievers and Hypocrites, and I cannot but wonder that Men ſhould think themſelves bound by the expreſs Commandment not to match themſelves unequally with Unbelievers, and yet make no ſcruple at all of unequal yoking themſelves with Hypocrites; and ſuch I am confident God reckons all unregenerate Perſ…ns to be.
I conclude this black Liſt with thoſe, who rather than not have Fortunes, will make their way to them by Felony, at one Blow breaking the Fifth, Seventh, Eighth, and Tenth Commandment. For ought I can perceive, the Marriage muſt be Lawful, before the Conjunction can be excuſed from being Adulterous.
And he that takes a Wife againſt the conſent of Parents or Guardians, and againſt the preſcribed method of the Law, drinks ſtolen Waters, though he may ſay, (as I have heard Children) That he takes them as his own.
Nay, though Parents had no Right in the diſpoſing of their Children to Marriage, yet there is a ſhameful Violation of Commutative Juſtice, in ſtealing Fortunes, for which there is no Satisfaction given.
And indeed they that ſteal Fortunes, are commonly ſuch as are not able to buy them, or pay proportionable Jointures for them. But to what a height of Worldly Baſeneſs does this arrive, when this Adultery and Felony are exerciſed upon Children, when their Infancy and Eſtates, which ought to ſecure them, are both inſtrumental to betray them. To enſnare the Child becauſe ſhe is a Child, is like robbing the Poor becauſe he is Poor.
—Magnum & memorabile nomen,
Stulta dolis aſtuti hominis ſi victa puella est..