Solitude Improved by Divine Meditation, Chapter 12
CHAP. XII. Meditation of daily ſelf-denyal.
IN the next place let me Meditate of what I want as to ſelf-denial and Mortification, evidenced by the weeds of corruptions coming up in my ſpirit, Mar. 8.34. or ready ever and anon to ariſe and get ground, and all ſtill upon that grand intereſt of ſelf, or the Reliques of the Roots or Stumps of it: This which hath not been ſpoken to, this ſelf-intereſt, the taking of it down in my heart, is one of the greateſt concernments Meditation daily ſhould fix upon: Self is the great Hinge the carnal heart hangs and turns upon: There the Center is ſelf, the Circumference ſelf, all the lines are drawn from ſelf and to ſelf.
Self is the great Rival and Competitioner with the infinitely ſurpaſſing God, and contends for ſuperiority with him, yea ſelf ſits in the Throne, wears the Crown, holds the Scepter, and ſelf is the ſinners all in all.
1. All poſitive actings in ſenſualities, pride, and covetouſneſs, and other evils are but to ſatisfie ſelf.
2. All negative ways and omittings of good, are but to gratifie ſelf, to eaſe ſlothful ſelf, loth to be put to ſtir, leaſt willing to labour, toil, or ſtrive, leaſt of all to loſe, ſmart, and ſuffer.
Self claps the great ſtrong Biaſs on the ſoul, is the ſpreading prevailing poyſon in it, and empoyſons it all over.
Self is higheſt in the eſtimation, nothing paſſes at ſo high a rate, not God himſelf.
Self is higheſt in the affection, nothing ſo near as ſelf.
Self is higheſt in the purpoſe and intention, nothing ſo aimed at as ſelf.
Self in the converſation, it hath the endeavours, earneſtneſs, and equality: It is like the moſt dangerous ſeiſing, deep rooting, and ſpreading poyſon, of greateſt virulency and prevalency: Thus it is in a natural heart. In a holy heart, though the moſt high God, by the power of Grace, be now higheſt, really chief, yet that remaining part of ſelf, the pieces left behind, oft as it were do juſtle him, frequently juſtle him, to get his place and ſit uppermoſt, for what do ſins, when our minds, wiſdom, deſires, and wills, and our ways, when they thwart and croſs his mind, wiſdom, will, and ways, but as it were juſtle him, and ſtrive to be uppermoſt?
Hereby ſelf ſometimes (out of careleſneſs) ſelf it ſeems to have regained the Throne, and repoſſeſt it ſelf of the ſoveraignty loſt.
In the beſt heart there is ſo much of this bitter Root ſpringing out, ſo much of this ſoul-bane, ſo much of this Touch-wood, Tinder, Powder to preſently take, and inſtantly blow up, ſo much of this Idol, this Dagon ſet ſo near the Ark, that it hath need of the greateſt daily mindings and ponderings, as the greateſt Enemy that hath gained the greateſt advantage of us, it lies ſtill in our Boſoms: Its like the worm that breeds and feeds of the Bodies own fleſh: This of all others is the greateſt Idol; I ſay, ſelf is the greateſt Idol that ever was or will be. There's no Image of Jealouſie like it in the Eye of a God, therefore no one thing requires a more daily minding, for a daily watchfulneſs; Mindings for the effectual help and relief againſt all particular luſts, which are but the leſſer Branches of the great Root of ſelf, the Scouts and Forragers ſent forth from the Head-quarter of ſelf.
This ſelf it is that is the great correſpondent and confederate with Satan; if ſelf were not the ground within, of his attempts from without, he could do nothing.
The Mathematician boaſtingly ſaid, tell me but where I may place my Engine, and I will ſhake the Earth. Satan knowing where to place his Engine, knows how to ſhake us and worſt us, if we watch him not, and this ſelf.
I muſt mind it moſt, and truſt it leaſt; labour the moſt peremptory and conſtant denyings of it, and as my higheſt wiſdom, to mortifie particular Luſts that are all fed from this great Root, and likewiſe to keep off Satan from this advantage ground.
I have it may be enlarged too far upon this: very brief I ſhall be on thoſe that remain.