Letters in Two Parts, Part 1 · LETTER 22 – LETTER 23
To Mr MATHEW MOWAT. (22)
REverend and dear brother, I am a very far misstaken man, if others knew how poor my stock were, they would not think upon the like of me, but with compassion; for I am as one kept under a strict Tutour: I would have more then my Tutour alloweth upon me, but it is good that a bairns wit is not the rule which regulateth my Lord Jesus: let him give what he will it shall ay be above merit, & my ability to gain therewith. I would not wish a better stock (while heaven be my stock) then to live upon credit at Christs hands, daily borrowing: surely running over love, that vast, hudge, boundlesse love of Christ (that there is telling in for man and Angel) is the onelyonly thing, I fainest would be in hands with: He knoweth I have little but the love of that love, & that I shall be happy, suppose I never get another heaven, but onelyonly an eternall lasting feast of that love: but suppose my wishes were poor, He is not poor; Christ all the seasons of the yeer is dropping sweetnesse, if I had vessels I might fill them, but my old riven, holly, and running out dish, even when I am at the well, can bring little away: Nothing but Glory will make tight, and fast, our looking and rifty vessels. Alace I have skailed more of Christs Grace, love, faith, humility, and godly sorrow, then I have brought with me. How little of the sea can a childe carry in his hand, as little dow I take away, of my great sea, my boundlesse & Runing-over-Christ-Jesus: I have not lighted upon the right gate of puting Christ to the banke, & making my self rich with him: my misguiding and childish trafficking, with that matchlesse pearl, That heaven's jewell, the jewell of the fathers delights, hath put me to a great losse. O that he would take a loan of me, & my stock, and put his name in all my bonds, and serve himself Heir to the poor mean portion I have: & be countable for the talent himself! gladly would I put Christ in my room, to guide all; and let me be but a servant to run errands, & doe by his direction, let me be his interdicted heir: Lord Jesus, work upon my minority, & let him win a pupil's blessing. Oh how would I rejoyce to have this work of my salvation legally fastned upon Christ! a back-bond of my Lord Jesus that it should be forthcoming to the Orphan, should be my happinesse: dependency on Christ, were my surest way: if Christ were my bottome I were sure enough. I thought guiding of grace had been no art, I thought it would come of will; but I would spill my own heaven yet, if I had not burdened Christ with All: I but lend my bare name to the sweet covenant, Christ behinde & before, & on either side, maketh all sure: God will not take an Arminian-cautioner Freewill, a weather-cock, turning at a serpents tongue, a Tutor that couped our father Adam unto us, & brought down the house, & sold the Land, & sent the father, & mother, & all the bairns through the earth, to beg their bread: nature in the Gospel hath cracked credit. O well to my poor soul for evermore, that my Lord called grace to the councel & put Christ Jesus with free merits, & the blood of God foremost in the chase, to draw sinners after a ransomer. O what a sweet block was it, by way of buying & selling, to give and tell down a ransome for grace, & glory to Dyvours! O would to my Lord, I could cause paper and ink speak the worth and excellencie, the high, & loud praises of a Brother-ransomer! O the Ransomer needs not my report, but oh if he would take it, & make use of it: I should be happy if I had an errand to this world but for some few yeers, to spread proclamations & out-crys, & love-letters, of the highnes [the highnes for evermore] the glory (the glory for evermore) of the Ransomer, whose cloaths were wet, & died in blood; howbeit that after I had done that, my soul & body should goe back to the mother nothing, that their Creator brought them once out from, as from their beginning. But why should I pine away, and pain my self with wishes, & not beleeve rather, that Christ will hire such an out-cast as I am, a masterlesse-body, put out of the house, by the sons of my mother, & give me employment, and a calling, one way, or other, to out Christ, and his wares, to countrey buyers, & propose Christ unto, & presse him upon some poor souls, that fainer then their life would receive him. You complain heavily, of your short coming in practice, and venturing on suffering for Christ: you have many marrowes. For the first, I would not put you off sense of wretcheduesse, hold on, Christ never yet slew a sighhing, groaning childe; more of that would make you won goods, and a meet prey for Christ, Alace I have too little of it! For venturing on suffering; I had not somuch free gier, when I came to Christs camp, as to buy a sword, a wonder that Christ should not laugh, at such a souldier: I am no better yet; but faith liveth & spendeth upon our Captains charges, who is able to pay for all: we need not pitie him, he is rich enough. Ye desire me also not to mistake Christ under a mask, I blesse you & thank God for it, but alace masked or bare-faced, kissing or glooming I mistake him! yea I mistake him furthest when the mask is off; for then I play me with his sweetness: I am like a childe that hath a golden book, that playeth more with the ribbens, and the guilding, & the picture in the first page; then readeth the contents of it. Certainly, if my desires, to my welbeloved, were fulfilled, I could provoke divels, and crosses, & the world, & tentations to the fields: but oh my poor weakness, makes me, lie behinde the bush and hide me, Remember my service and my blessing to my Lord; I am mindfull of him as I am able: desire him from a prisoner, to come & visite my good master, & feel but the smell of his love: it sets him well howbeit he be young, to make Christ his garland. I could not wish him in a better case, then in a fever of love-sickness for Christ: Remember my bonds, the Lord Iesus be with your spirit.
Aberd. 1637. Yours in his sweet Lord Iesus, S. R.
To WILLIAM HALLIDAY. (23)
Loving friend.
I Received your letter: I wish ye take pains for salvation, mistaken grace, & somewhat like conversion, which is not conversion, is the sadest and most dolefull thing in the world: make sure of salvation, and Lay the foundation sure, for many are beguiled: Put a low price upon world's clay, put a high price upon Christ, temptations will come, but if they be not made welcome by you ye have the best of it: be jealous over your self, & your own heart, and keep touches with God: let him not have a faint and feeble souldier of you, fear not to back Christ, for he will conquer and overcome: let no man skar at Christ, for I have no quarrels at his crosse. He and his crosse are two good guests, and worth the lodging: men would fain have Christ good cheap, but the mercat will not come down: acquaint your self with prayer, make Christ your captain and your armour, make conscience of sinning when no eye seeth you. grace be with you.
Aberd. Yours in Ch: Iesus. S. R.