Letters in Two Parts, Part 1 · LETTER 137
To JOHN LAWRIE. (137)
Dear Brother.
I Am sorry that ye or so many in this Kingdom should expect so much of me an empty reed: Verily I am a naughty & poor body: But if the tinkling of my Lord Jesus's iron chains on legs & arms could sound the high praises of my royall King, whose prisoner I am, O how would my joy run over! If my Lord would bring edificatiō to one soul by my bonds, I am satisfied; but I know not what I can doe to such a princely & beautifull welbeloved: He is far behinde with me: Little thanks to me to say to others, his wind bloweth on me who am but withered & dry bones: But since ye desire me to write to you, either help me to set Christ on high for his running-over love, in that the heat of his sweet breath hath melted a frozen heart, else I think ye doe nothing for a prisoner. I am fully confirmed that it is the honour of our Law-giver I suffer for now: I am not ashamed to give out letters of recommendation of Christ's love to as many as will extoll the Lord Jesus & his cross. If I had not sailed this sea-way to heaven, but had taken the land-way as many doe, I should not have known Christ's sweetness in such a measure: But the truth is, let no man thank me; for I caused not Christ's wind to blow upon me: His love came upon a withered creature whether I would or not; [& yet by coming it procured from me a welcome] A heart of iron & iron doors will not hold Christ out: I give him leave to break iron locks & come in, & that is al: & now I know not whether pain of love for want of poss…ssion, or sorrow that I dow not thank him, paineth me most: but both work upon me. For the First, O that he would come & satisfie the longing soul & fill the hungry soul with these good things? I know indeed my guiltiness may be a bar in his way, but he is God, & ready to forgive: And for the other, woe, woe is me that I cannot finde a heart to give back again my unworthy little love for his great sea-full of love to me: O that he would learn me this piece of gratitude! O that I could have leave to look in thorow the hole of the door to see his face & sing his praises! or could break up one of his chamber windows to look in upon his delighting beauty, till my Lord send more: any little communion with him, one of his love-looks should be my begun heaven: I know he is not Lordly, neither is the bridegroom's love proud, though I be black & unlovely & unworthy of him. I would seek but leave, & withall, grace, to spend my love upon him: I counsel you to think highly of Christ & of free, free grace more then ye did before; for I know that Christ is not known amongst us; I think I see more of Christ then ever I saw, & yet I see but little of what may be seen: O that he would draw by the curtains & that the King would come out of his gallerie & his palace, that I might see him! Christ's love is young glory & young heaven: It would soften hell's pains to be filled with it: What would I refuse to suffer, if I could but get a draught of love at my hearts desire? O what price can be given for him! Angels cannot weigh him, O his weight, his worth, his sweetness, his overpassing beauty! If men & Angels would come & look to that great & Princely one, their ebbeness would never take up his depth, their narrowness would never comprehend his breadth height & length: If ten thousand thousand worlds of Angels were created, they might all tire themselves in wondering at his beauty, & begin again to wonder of new. O that I could win nigh him to kiss his feet, to hear his voice, to finde the smell of his ointments! But Oh alas I have little, little of him; yet I long for more! Remember my bonds & help me with your prayers for I would not niffer or exchange my sad hours with the joy of my velvet-adversaries. Grace be with you.
Aberd. June. 10. 1637. Yours in his sweet Lord Iesus. S. R.