Exposition Upon 1 Peter, Biblical exegesis · Chapter 3 · Verse 7
Verse 7. Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowlege, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindred.
NOw he comes to the duty of Superiors, particularly of Husbands, whom he onelyonly nameth; for that he that is a good and godly Husband to his Wife, will be also a good Magistrate, or Minister, if he be called to those places.Superiority exempts not from duty. And in that he teacheth Superiors their duties, we may note, That Superiority exempts them not from duty; every honor carries a burthen along with it: The more high any is in place, the more is expected of him, as more was of him that had the five, then of him that had the two talents; as they look for much duty from others, so not a little is required of themselves: Every Superior should make his Inferior more beholding to him, then he can possibly be to his Inferior, even Inferiors may be as dear unto God as themselves are;Col. 4. 1. And they themselves have a Lord and Master in Heaven to call them to an account: The Word also doth no less ininstruct them in their duty, then the others in theirs: No man holds his place to be idle, but the greater it is, the more is required of him; The Word must guide them in their places, they must not do as they list.
Likewise ye Husbands, Wherein the husbands duty consisteth.&c.] In other places the Husbands duty is set forth by love (no love, no husband, a man, not an Husband) but here by the fruits, which are, 1. To dwell with their Wives. 2. As men of knowledge and understanding. 3. To give them honor; and that, 1. Because they be the weaker vessel. 2. Heirs with their Husbands of Grace and Salvation. 3. The contrary would breed unquietness, and so interrupt and hinder their Prayers together, which were grievous.
Herein he instructeth Husbands (as before he did the Wives) they standing in no less need of instruction,Husbands stand in no less need of instructions then Wives. and no less failing in their duty then Wives, who therefore must humbly, patiently, and christianly hear their duties, with a desire to be ruled accordingly.
Dwell with them] The Husband must forsake Father and Mother,Husbands are to dwell with their Wives. and cleave to his wife; they must keep together for all the marriage ends, the procreation of Children, the avoiding of sin, and keeping themselves chaste, and for the continual comfort they ought to have each of other in prosperity and adversity, for body and soul; and this is for the continuance and increase of love. True it is,In what caces they they may be absent. the Husband may be absent from his Wife, either by the commandment of his Prince, being imployed in any service, whether in Church or Commonwealth, or upon his own necessary affairs, as Merchants and Marriners, or upon meer necessity, as many dwelling in one place, do yet work in another, yet must not he fail in his absence to pray for her, to keep himself chaste, to have her as it were still present with him, sending to her as often as he can, and returning as speedily as he may: Also if any contagious disease should be, they may (with mutual consent) part for a while; It must be matter of weight must keep them any time asunder, not any unkindeness, yea, though both be willing to dwell asunder;Matth. 19. 6. For whom God hath joyned together, no man must sunder: And as they may keep in one house, so one bed and board must hold them; therefore it is that she is said to lie in his bosom, and, Let her breasts satisfie thee at all times.Prov. 5. 18, 19.
1. This condemneth all unlawful partings of Husband and Wife,Use 1. as of the Jews which put away their Wives when they took dislike of them,Matth. 19. 8. by giving them a Bill of divorcement; This came of the hardness of their hearts, but was not so from the beginning: Of sundry in our times which live asunder, as have been married yong through some sinister respects of their Parents, or rashly or inconsiderately, though come to years of discretion, which afterwards they have disliked, neither party loving the other according to Gods Ordinance; of those Husbands that idly give themselves after marriage to travel to see Countreys and Fashions, thus exposing as well themselves as their Wives to Satans temptations:1 Cor. 7. 5. Of those that for the most part haunt Inns, Alehouses, and Taverns, Gusling, Gaming and Whoring, being but seldom at home; If the Husband is to leave Father and Mother, much more such places, to cleave to his Wife: Of those which following their Recreations and Pleasures, put all upon their Wives, chiding them for whatsoever is done amiss by Servants or others; those prove cruel taskmasters to their Wives, like Pharaoh's to the Israelites: were it not better for such (their businesses being over) to read, confer, and lovingly converse with their Wives? and should not their company be better to them then all companies in the world?
2. This condemneth those that part boards (the Husband being either so proud,Use 2. as he thinks his Wife not good enough to sit with him at Table, or she so unquiet, that he eats by himself, each Hog in his own Trough) yea and beds too, and that either continually, or upon discontent for some time, or upon surliness, and overmuch coyness; when the Husband will not be troubled with the childes crying, &c. as if he were not sometimes to bear such marriage troubles, but lay all upon his Wife.
3. This condemeth the marriage of Children,Use 3. who must be kept asunder many years; This comes from the excessive haste of Parents, which dare not trust God for a marriage rich enough, till they come of years, but thus prevent the Lord: Such think they work wisely, but for the most part, its but foolishly: They think thus to build their houses, but for the most part it proves their ruine, such seldom loving one another.Husbands must be men of understanding.
According to knowledge,] Husbands must be men of understanding and knowledge in the Scriptures, and grounds of Christian Religion, that they may do good to their wives and whole family: They are the head, therefore must be able to guide; the eye, therefore must see:Mat. 6. 22. If the eye be dark, all must needs be dark; as the oyntment on Aarons head ran down on his beard,Psal. 133 2. and thence to the skirt of his garment,See 1 Cor. 14. 35. their knowledge must be exercised for the good of their wives, and the meanest in their family.In what particulars the same will appear. They must be men of knowledge: 1. To instruct them in the ways of God, to pray with them, and (especially when through weakness or sickness their wives have been forced to stay at home) to inform them of such Points as were publikely delivered by the Preacher. 2. To comfort them in their heaviness of minde, affliction of body, loss of children, and the like, and that from the Word of God, being able to asswage the bitterness of their grief. 3. To advise and counsel them for the best. 4. How to admonish and reprove them: They must not do it without cause, nor when there is cause in an ill maner, before company, or with carnal bitterness, but rather in the terms of the Scriptures, and in love. 5. When to yield to their requests or perswasions: Herein Adam, Sampson and Ahab failed, but Job in rebuking his wife, shewed he was a man of knowledge. 6. To bear with their weaknesses and infirmities meet to be born with. 7. Not prescribing them to do any unlawful or unreasonable thing, whether on the Lords day, or at other times, as to say, They are not within, when they are within, &c. 8. Not keeping such a number of Dogs, as may be both loss and continual vexation to their wives, or removing up and down till they have wasted all they have: Thus bad wives may be brought on to goodness, and good wives made better.
1. This condemneth the common abuse of this Land;Use 1. How few husbands be men of knowledge, able to instruct, comfort, advise, govern or admonish their wives? how few able to pray with them, repeat a sermon to them, or comfort them in any of their heavinesses? Hence it is, that they burthen their wives with needless things; Hence many women of some good parts and towardness, matching with such Worldlings and Ignorants, have been undone; Hence so many jars and contentions in families: How many wives would perform their duties, if their husbands would go before them in performing theirs? O what evils might be avoided if husbands had but discretion! but most are void of understanding, cannot give a reason of their Faith, cannot pray in their families, scarce give thanks for their meat, check and discourage their wives from goodness, if they have any inclination thereto: Alas, in these days, if they get a little hair on their faces, and their portion into their hands, they think themselves fit to marry, though they have neither wit nor understanding; or if they stay some years, its to get goods to set up with, not that they may be furnished with knowledge. Parents enquire after wealth, and how their daughters shall live, but do not much regard their living with men of knowledge.
2. This condemneth the Papists,Use 2. which forbid the Layety to read the Scripture: But where's knowledge to be learned, if not by them? Its enough with them that their Priests have knowledge, yet must not they marry.
3. For those that are married,Use 3. and have failed herein, let them redeem the time:1 Tim. 5. 8. If he be worse then an infidel that provides not bodily maintenance for his family, then what is he that provides not spiritual?
For those that are to marry, let them beg for wisdom, and labor for knowledge, that being married, they may live Christianly, and according to knowledge.
For parents, let them instruct their sons in knowledge, and before they provide them wives, let them know indeed that they are men of knowledge; and for those that have daughters to marry, let them not so much aym at wealthy husbands, as with those which may live with their daughters according to knowledge.
Giving honor unto the wife,] What honor the husband is to give to his wife.The honor which is here prescribed, is not Divine honor (Peter would none of it at Cornelius his hand, nor the Angel at Johns) nor that honor which an Inferior is to give to his Superior (whereof we may read in the fifth Commandment) but such as a Superior may give to an Inferior (so is the wife in some things) but as anunequal to his equals,Acts 10. 26. so is the wife in many things.Rev. 22. 9. This comprehends diverse things:
1. That the husband is to respect and esteem his wife,Sundry particulars implyed herein. as of a most comely, necessary and profitable instrument, appointed of God as a meet help for him for the comfortable passing of his life, and such a one as he could not be without; profitable to the encrease of posterity, to the building up of his house, for the bringing up of his children, for the ordering of his family, and disposing of things within doors (wherein he himself hath no skill, and which being left to servants are but sorrily done) profitable also to converse with in prosperity, to take comfort from in adversity; yea, by joyning with him in every good duty to further his souls salvation: She is every way a necessary (not evil, as the world faith, but) good, an help meet for man, both in respect of body and soul; who more careful, painful, faithful, comfortable to her husband, then she? If God take away the wife, alas, how lame and maimed is the husband, his one hand is gone: When husbands do not thus esteem of their wives, they discourage them, occasion unquietness in them, if they be women of Spirit, or otherwise make them foolish.
2. That the husband is to ask his wives counsel and advice in businesses: God hath made her of his privy councel, and two eyes see more then one,Gen. 31. 4. yea oftentimes (that he may not despise her) she more then he: Jacob sent for his wives into the field, and conferred with them about his journey: Many husbands have confessed, that if they had taken their wives counsel, it had gone better with them. Naaman heard his servants advise,1 King. 5. 14. and followed it, much more should the husband the wives:Gen. 21. 14. Abraham heard, and yielded to Sarah about Hagar and Ishmael; such are indeed injurious to their wives, that will never make them of their counsel.
3. That according to his ability he is to allow her competent maintenance for her self, children and family, not spending all abroad, as too many do.
4. That he is to give her a fit employment for her place: It were a foul wrong for her to sit in a chimney-corner, or set about some base employment, a servant in the mean time carrying the keys, and having the whole disposal of the house: And as he is thus to give her a fit employment, so therein to let her alone, not prying narrowly into every thing, and following her from room to room, and taking account of every thing, and every peny made of it, as distrusting his wives thrift, wisdom or faithfulness.
5. That he do not over burthen his wife, or require more of her then she is well able to go through: He must not be a task-master to her, lest she cry unto God, and he hear in his anger, especially not when she is sickly or childe-bearing, when she is big, or after her delivery, for then he is to bear much with her: Such as fail herein, whereby either their wives or children are cast away, have they not a guilty conscience, and an hard answer to make?
6. That he must not reprove her before company, no not before her Children or Servants; for as this provokes her, so it weakens her authority, that she shall prevail the less with her Family in her husbands absence.
7. That he ought not to take part with Childe or Servant when she rebukes or corrects them, though haply she be in a fault; he must tell her thereof in private.
8. That he is to use her lovingly and kindely,Reasons hereof not proudly, tyrannously, or cruelly, abusing his authority; for though God hath given him preeminence,Eph. 5. 25. yet is he not to use it as he list, but as God prescribes.
What may not incite husbands hereunto? God requires it, they are their own flesh;Col. 3. 19. Christ loved his Church dearly, as accordingly they are to love their wives; She hath forsaken all for him, and he hath chosen her from all others; Her Friends entrust her with him, and expect kindeness at his hands; He promised the same at the time of his Marriage, before God and the Congregation: This also will provoke her to her duty, and so further a comfortable living together. Whoso then regards the Commandment of God, and will suffer it to bear …way with them, or their Covenant and Promise, must thus honor their wives.
This condemneth 1. Those Monsters which not onelyonly lade their wives with Curses and Railings,Use 1. but abuse them also with blows and heavy strokes,Sundry sorts of husbands reproved. oftentimes in their drunken fits shurting them out of doors; these be bruit beasts (when knew you the Cock spur the Hen?) Devils in the shape of men: Its marvel their Neighbors take them not and binde them for mad men; for none but mad men beat themselves and their own flesh, whom Bedlam or Bridewel would fit better, then to be at liberty, unless they could use it better. 2. Those (though not altogether so bad as the former, yet) can lend their wives a box on the Ear, or a dowse on the Neck, or a spurn with their foot. 3. Those which though they can rule their hands, yet are so hoggish and churlish to their wives, as they know not how to please them, ever unquiet,1 Sam. 25. 17. and like Nabal, so wicked, that one cannot speak to them, yea, will both rail on them, and revile them. 4. Those that sometimes be pleasant, and use their wives well, who yet at small things will be so hot and angry, as they break out into unseemly, harsh and bitter words, that vex and grieve the spirit of their wives: This argueth much weakness in the heart;Eccles. 7. 9. Anger resteth in the bosom of fools; and, He that is hasty to wrath, Prov. 14. 29.exalteth folly, as, He that is slow to wrath, is of great wisdom. Such sharp and unkinde speeches fall out sometimes between those that love well, and be good Christians, but its their fault, and matter of humiliation. Neither let any please themselves with this, that they are quickly pleased again, for they may speak such words in their fits, as can hardly long after be forgotten, they may pierce so deep, that the wounds made thereby are not soon healed, and when healed,Objections answered. not without scars; yea, its a matter of reproach among men, to be counted hoggish and unkinde to one's wife.
Obj. Oh, but my wife is froward, and speaks to me otherwise then she should; thus and thus provoketh me, not without cause I do thus and thus to her.
A. If our wives had no infirmities,The 1. they were worse then beasts that would misuse them (and yet there be some who have very good wives, whom notwithstanding they use but untowardly) and if they had no imperfections, what need had we of patience? Having imperfections, shall we take hold of every little frailty? Its presupposed that husbands should be stronger then so; and doth not Christ bear with the infirmities of his Church? Beside, wives have many times occasions to distemper them, as frowardness of children, untowardness of servants, sickliness, &c. and they are otherwise good wives, love us well, be careful for our state, bring up our children well, and so should be born with; nay, have not we our selves some one or other infirmity that they are feign to bear with?
Obj. Oh, then we shall have enough of it, we shall never have done; therefore better hold them to hard meat, and make them smart for it, &c.
A. This lesson was not learned in Christs,The 2. but in the Devils school; for God bids us bear with one anothers infirmities; Gal. 6. 2.and,Iames 3. 17. The wisdom from above is peaceable and gentle; mildeness also and loving usage shall prevail more, and do more good, then cruelty and severity: Many a good man that hath had an impatient wife, by his grave admonitions, godly life, patience and Prayers, hath obtained, that she hath proved a very good woman.
Obj. Oh, but my wife will not yield to any good order, cares not for prayers, neglects her Family, brings up her children idly, &c.
A. Heres wisdom,The 3. as not to see God dishonored by suffering evil, so, not to break love, or disturb peace: We must in Gods matters hold our authority and Gods right, though in all our own matters we yield;Exod. 4. 14. the contrary had like to have cost Moses dear: We may not buy peace on such hard conditions, yet in such cases we must rather perswade then enforce, shew what the Word of God saith, use Reasons and Arguments to this purpose; yea, if need be, denounce Gods wrath and judgements, which notwithstanding ought to be done in private and love, without carnal bitterness: We may be earnest, yet not impatient; and if we perceive any little amendment, take knowledge of it, and thereupon encourage them, pray for them, instruct them with meekness, waiting while God give them an heart to repent, and in good sort to comply with their husbands.
As unto the weaker vessel,] Wives are the weaker vessels.Here's the first Reason to enforce the former duty, Wives are the weaker vessels: They are weaker in body then men, weaker also in minde, timerous, and fearful, soon discouraged, soon provoked, quickly take hurt, and are quickly out of temper.
God hath done this a purpose,Reasons. it was so from the beginning, that the wife might the more willingly submit, and its necessary for peace and order, that one rule, and the other submit, which that the Wife may do, and be glad of an head and guide, she is made the weaker vessel; yet are not Wives so weak, but God hath given them competent ability of body, and minde to go through with their duties, and as they be the weaker, so they have the weaker works (except bearing of children, which they brought on themselves by sin) then men, theirs being for the most part within doors.
1. Hereupon let Wives submit themselves the more willingly,Use 1. and the weaker they finde themselves, let them trust the more on God, that they may be strong in him.
2. For Husbands,Use 2. let them use their Wives kindely, being weak; they must not grieve them, nor disquiet them to their undoing; they be good, costly, and very profitable vessels, for excellent use, but easily crackt, therefore had we more need have the more care of them, as we have of some choyce glass.Simil. A Gentleman will not put his Watch or Clock into the hands of Children or Fools, nay, he thinks that he is scarce wise enough to handle it himself, What discretion then and wisdom is needful in Husbands about their Wives?
3. This rebukes those that use their Wives ruggedly,Use 3. and curstly, sometimes railing at them, other times beating them, whereby many good Wives are spoiled.Simil. A Venice glass well used and lookt too, may last long, so may a good Wife, but some use them so hoggishly, as they are not like to last long; some vex and grieve their Wives, that they pine away with sorrow, What an account have these to make? justly may God punish such, by taking away their good Wives, and sending them such as may be scourges to them.
And as being heirs together of the grace of life.] Wives be no less heirs of the grace of life then their Husbands.The second Reason, from the honor whereunto God hath advanced them; They be Kings daughters, Heirs of eternal life no less then men; They have the same right to Heaven that men have, and so to the means, Christ Jesus, the Word, Sacraments, Prayer, Faith, Repentance, Sanctification: God hath herein made them equal, so as that there be holy women as well as men; so all believing women be the daughters of God, and so his Heirs, Heirs of the grace of life: Among men, sons (not daughters, if there be any sons) be Heirs, and not all neither, but one; but God, though he hath many sons, yet doth also make all his daughters Heirs. But of this on verse 5.
1. This should make women content with their state,Use 1. and thank God highly; though they be appointed to be subject to their Husbands, and be also the weaker, yet seeing God hath made them equal in the greatest matters, they may rest satisfied, especially seeing even those things also, wherein they might seem abused, are much for their good.
2. It may provoke them to labor for their part in grace,Use 2. and means of glory, God hath not excluded them, they must not exclude themselves: A grievous fault it is in a number of women, that they regard not goodness, as though being poor women especially, little were required of them; But have they not souls to save as well as others? must they not come to Heaven the same way as others? and as they be wives and mothers much is required of them.
3. For husbands,Use 3. let them use their wives exceeding respectively, seeing God hath so honored them: To abuse Gods daughters, his heirs, is grievous. If a man had an Heathen woman to his wife, he ought to use her well, much more being a Christian: The more grace any woman hath, the more kindely must she be used; such are Kings daughters, heirs of the King of Heaven.
That your prayers be not hindred.] The third Reason: Using them ill will breed Contention, and so make them unable to pray at all, or pray amiss. Here note,
1. That the husband should pray with his wife (God takes it here for granted) and that also constantly;Husbands should pray with their wives. the course of their prayers must by no means be broken off.
This is their daily homage to God;Reasons. they have daily need of pardon, grace, protection, direction in all their affairs, all which must be prayed for: This hath promise of blessing, and herein all Religion is contained.
This condemneth most husbands,Use. that never pray with their wives; they have no skill nor will hereto,Psal. 14. 2. an argument of a prophane man, void of all Religion, dead in sin; for where there is the least spark of grace, there will be crying to God. How do these live? as much Religion in their Hogs-coats, as in their houses, they live like Swine; most Families, in stead of being little Churches, be Heards of Swine, which live as if there were no God: How do these look for a blessing? God hath promised none but to them that ask it; what common blessings they enjoy, they enjoy not as fruits of their Prayers; If we desire to be accounted religious, and would have any blessing of God, let's learn to pray.
2. That whatsoever would interrupt our Prayers,Whatsoever may interrupt our prayers is to be avoided. is carefully to be avoided: Thus as we are to avoid worldliness, an ill conscience, and the like; so also contention and wrangling, both with our neighbors, and wives: That party is unfit to Pray, whose heart is poysoned with wrath and malice; the Prayers of such are loathsom, being thus, our Sacrifices will not be accepted at Gods altar: O what a grievous thing is it to lose our prayers? What else have we to help our selves with? What judgements doth not prayer remove? What blessing doth it not obtain? greatly doth he lose, that loseth the benefit of his prayers.
Therefore let us beware of contention and strife,Use. especially with our wives: Let us always keep our hearts calm and fit to pray; Who knows what need he may have of prayer, and that more then ordinary? As men keep their Horses for service in plight and breath, so keep we our prayers in good tune;Simile. keep we them as a Pinnace ready to send out speedily, and come home laden, else we may miss many a good purchase.