Blood for Blood, Part 1
Of her behaviour in the time of her Impriſonment, and other Paſſages very uſeful for every Chriſtian that deſires to be kept from being guilty of the like Fact.
SHe no ſooner cometh to Newgate, but the noiſe of this cruel Murder ſpreads abroad, and ſeveral reports went as to her ſelf, and what ſhould be the cauſes of that barbarous Act.
1. That the Devil appeared in a perſonal ſhape unto her, and told her ſhe muſt either deſtroy her ſelf, or her Child.
2. That the day before ſhe went to ſee one of her other Children at Nurſe, and would have ſent the Nurſe forth, that ſo ſhe might have killed that Babe.
3. That ſhe was under trouble of mind about Religion, with many other things.
Which for ſatisfaction to our ſelves and others, and clearing the truth of Goſpel-profeſſion, (as being inconſiſtant for any true work of the Spirit of God in the conviction of a ſinner to leave the ſoul, having begun in the Spirit to end in the fleſh.) Some of thoſe Miniſters which went to viſit her in the Priſon, made more than ordinary diligent ſearch into theſe things. And as to the firſt report ſhe ſaid, there was no appearance unto her but the violent Temptation of the Devil, and her own wretched and ſinfull heart giving way to the Temptation.
And as to the ſecond, ſhe confeſt ſhe went to ſee her Child at Nurſe upon the Saturday before, but it never entered into her heart to conceive a thought of doing that Child any hurt.
And as to the third, her anſwer was, That there was nothing of any Religious Concernment in it; but it was that great Diſcontent which ſhe had conceived in her mind, grounded upon her apprehenſion of exceeding unkindneſſes of her Relations unto her, although ſhe had never been undutiful unto them; but very ſparing ſhe was in accuſing any but her ſelf: And it is not the deſign of this Narrative to accuſe them, only to deſire they may cal to mind, and lay to heart, and repent of their neglect of duty towards her, wherein they ſhall any of them be conſcious unto themſelves of remiſneſs; and that all others who ſhall reade this ſad Relation, may take warning thereby, ſo to diſcharge their relative duties, that they may not expoſe their Relations unto Temptations, and ſo when a ſeparation cometh, either violent or natural, they have cauſe to mourn all their dayes for their own and their other mens ſins.
But as to her ſelf, the ſenſe of her great ſin and guilt lay with ſuch weight upon her conſcience, that Satan uſed his utmoſt endeavour to drive her into deſpair of ever obtaining mercy; it being his uſual method to preſent God all mercy, to allure men to commit ſin, and afterwards to preſent God altogether ſeverity, to drive the ſinner into deſpair of God's mercy in the pardon of their ſin.
A great wound lay upon her with reſpect unto her dear Babe whom ſhe had ſo inhumanly deſtroyed, Whether her Fact might not hinder the Child's Salvation? Much care and pains was taken ſo to ſpeak as might not in the leaſt extenuate the ſence of her guilt, and yet to open a door of hope unto her, that the eternal ſtate of the Child might be ſafe (notwithſtanding her great wickedneſs) through the riches of God's grace, which ſheweth mercy unto whom he will ſhew mercy, that 18th of Ezekiel, ver. 24, being read unto her.
But ſtill ſhe ſadly bewailed the horridneſs of her ſin, wiſhing often, Oh that ſhe had had more Grace! for, if it were to do again, ſhe would ſubmit to a thouſand deaths, rather than to commit that ſin: And her ſore trouble now was, that her heart was ſo obdurate that ſhe could not mourn as ſhe ſhould, and deſired to do; and begged that all good people would pray for her: And being asked, What ſhe deſired us to pray unto God for, for her? her anſwer was, that God would give her a broken and penitent heart.
She alſo ſadly lamented her diſtraction by reaſon of her evil company in the Room with her, that hindred both her meditations and addreſſes to God. O it is ſad dwelling in the Tents of Kedar, and a ſore evil to leave our great work to do until the laſt, not knowing what hindrance we may meet with: It is inconvenient to caſt up our Accounts in a crowd and hurry of buſineſs.
Ever and anon ſhe would ſadly bewail her want of the light of God's countenance; and it was not to be wondred at that ſhe was ſo much in the dark, having committed ſuch a groſs ſin againſt the light of Nature. Iniquity ſeparates betwixt us and our God, and cauſeth him to hide his face, that it is rarely if ever they recover it; though he may in mercy pardon the ſin, yet he may juſtly cauſe the ſinner to go mourning and with broken bones to the grave.
The Seſſions now came on, and upon the 21th of February ſhe was arraigned and endicted at the Old-Baily, and caſt for her life.
Upon the Petition of her Husband, ſhe had a weeks time granted her, to prepare for her death, and being ſentenced on Wedneſday the ſecond of March to die in Smithfield, over againſt Clothfair-Gate, where ſhe formerly lived when ſhe committed that horrid Murder.
During this time, much pains was taken with her continually, by skilful and faithful Phyſicians, for her Souls recovery out of the ſnare of the Devil, who had carried her captive at his will; and ſeveral Books of Mr. Baxters, and other Books ſuitable to her preſent condition, were brought her to reade, which ſhe ſeemed diligently to improve her time in, together with the holy Scriptures.
March 1. being the day before her Execution, one Mris. R. H. had an earneſt deſire to ſee her, and to watch with her that night, and through God's mercy it was of great uſe unto her, for her comfort who had now but a little time to live.
That day being asked, If a pardon for life, or a pardon for her ſin were equally preſented to chooſe one, which would ſhe chooſe? ſhe anſwered, If her heart did not deceive her, it would be the pardon of her ſin. O her ſin, her ſin! her blood-guiltineſs, lay with weight upon her! but ſtill ſhe cryed out, ſhe could not find her heart in that broken and believing frame which ſhe deſired it ſhould be in.
On the ſame day great pains were taken with her to help her underſtanding and apprehenſion, both as to the nature of true Repentance, and ſaving Faith: to which ſhe with more than former freedom anſwered, That as to Repentance opened unto her, ſhe hoped God had given her a ſight of her ſin, and a deſire to be truly humbled for it; it was her wound ſhe was no more wounded, and that ſhe did deſire to forſake ſin with abhorrence, and to loath her ſelf for her ſin, to lay her mouth in the duſt, and yet to look up unto the Lord Jeſus, if ſo be ſhe might find mercy.
And as to her Faith, ſhe ſaid, God had convinced her that her own righteouſneſs was but unrighteouſneſs, even as a filthy menſtruous cloth, and therefore deſired out of the ſence of her own nothingneſs, and utter emptineſs, to go out of her ſelf, and to rely upon Jeſus Chriſt alone for Righteouſneſs and Salvation.
Then ſeveral Scriptures were read unto her, and preſſed with earneſtneſs upon her, amongſt many others, that in Mark 5.25. and forward, concerning that Woman which had a bloody iſſue, who ſaid in her ſelf, If I may but touch the hem of his garment, I ſhall be whole. Much was ſpoken unto her from this, wherewith ſhe was obſerved to be very much affected, tears trickling down more than uſually, and with earneſtneſs ſaid, O that I could believe!
That evening before ſhe ſuffered, her Huſband's long abſence from her, gave her occaſion to ſuppoſe that endeavours were uſing for a Reprieve, or a Pardon for her, at which ſhe did rather expreſs diſlike, than to be well pleaſed, ſaying, ſhe had rather chooſe to die, than to continue in that place with that wicked company, it being a Hell upon Earth, if any ſuch were; and that ſhe was not at all concerned about a Pardon from Man, could ſhe but obtain a Pardon from Chriſt, it was that ſhe moſt deſired; nevertheleſs, for her better preparation for death, ſhe could have wiſhed a little longer time; but ſhe was willing to die, if that could not be obtained.
That night ſhe took a little reſt for the ſupporting of nature, but it was judged ſhe ſlept not above half an hour; but ſome time was ſpent by her ſelf, her Husband, and Mris. R.H. in prayer and reading, ſhe her ſelf taking her Bible, read the fourth chapter of Matthew, and wept much in the reading of it, ſaying, The Lord Jeſus was tempted, but he was God-man, and the Evil-one found nothing in him, and ſo could not prevail againſt him: but I, a vile wretch! Temptation no ſooner came and aſſaulted me, but I was overcome by it; a wicked woman that I am to give way to that roaring Lion!
Then reading Iſa. 44.22. [I have blotted out as a cloud thy tranſgreſſions, and as a thick cloud thy ſins: return unto me, for I have redeemed thee] brake out again with tears, ſaying, Oh! what grace is this! What, my ſins! what, a Redeemer to ſuch a great ſinner as I have been! Then turning further unto Iſa. 54.7, 8. [I will have mercy upon thee, ſaith thy Redeemer.] See, ſaith ſhe, here is Redeemer again!
Her Husband, a little before morning, asked her how it was with her? ſhe anſwered, Not ſo well as to boaſt, nor ſo bad as to be altogether dejected.
When morning came, ſhe dreſſed her ſelf that ſhe might be in readineſs when called, but ſeemed a little impatient to loſe ſo much time in dreſſing her body, when ſhe had ſo little to improve for her ſoul which lay at ſtake. Several both Miniſters and other Chriſtian friends waiting to go up unto her when ſhe was ready; one of them deſiring to know how it was with her this morning? ſhe anſwered, that ſhe was now entring upon the borders of Eternity, but Oh, what ſhould ſhe do, ſhe wanted the light of God's countenance! Whereupon both awakening and comforting words were ſpoken unto her; and then a little time was ſpent in prayer to God, that he would pleaſe graciouſly to direct us ſo to ſpeak unto her, as might advance his Glory, and effectually adminiſter comfort unto her Soul. In prayer ſhe was ſeen to melt very much. And having ended that duty, as God did direct, the words of God were ſpoken unto her, and ſhe was deſired to ſpeak what was upon her heart, for our comfort who had been labouring for the Lord with her.
But ſhe being ſilent for a little ſpace, but obſerved to have ſome conflict in her ſoul, by the tears which fell, and ſighs which broke forth, It was again propounded unto her, Whether ſhe found not a ſecret perſwaſion, that God was able to pardon her great and manifold ſins, but alſo very great fears whether he were willing yea or no?
Whereupon ſhe broke forth into a fuller paſſion of tears, ſaying, O Sir, you ſpeak the very thoughts of my heart, God hath convinced me of the Alſufficiency of his Grace, that though my ſins be as Scarlet, as Crimſon, he can make them white as Snow, as Woel; but O to know whether he will or no, that lieth as my great fear. — Wherupon endeavours were uſed to encourage her to hope in God's mercy, who had teſtified his unwillingneſs that any ſould ſhould periſh; and that he took no pleaſure in the death of ſinners, but rather deſired their return that they might live; Alſo the Lord Jeſus graciouſly invited ſinners, yea the greateſt of ſinners, under the heavieſt load and burden of their guilt and filth, being weary of their load, to come to him that they might be ſaved and find reſt: and had promiſed, that who ever came unto him, though at laſt (if in truth) he would not caſt them out; and that he had ſent his Miniſters to beſeech ſinners to be reconciled unto God; and that we came in his Name and Authority to deliver that his Meſſage unto her:
Therefore the Queſtion was put unto her, Whether ſhe was willing to accept of mercy from Chriſt, and to take Him upon his own terms? Unto which ſhe anſwered, with a ſeemingly altered countenance as to chearfulneſs, Yea, ſhe was willing, and deſired with her whole ſoul, to be ſanctified throughout by Jeſus Chriſt, and waſhed in his Blood, as ever ſhe deſired to be juſtified by his Righteouſneſs, or ſaved by his Death.
Then it was judged expedient to leave her a little retired, that ſhe might improve a few minutes in ſecret betwixt God and her own ſoul, deſiring all the company to withdraw, ſaving her Husband and Mris R.H. And after a little ſpace of time ſhe deſired we would come up again, and apprehending her in a pretty good frame, willing to reſign up her ſelf now unto the Lord, what time the Officers could ſpare (for now the time drew near) was ſpent in fervent prayers and tears unto God with and for her: In the cloſe, being deſired to tell us what returns God had graciouſly given to all our endeavours with her? ſhe ſaid, that the Lord had brought her to that reſolution, that although ſhe might not ſenſibly lie in his boſom, yet ſhe would penitently lie and die at his feet; and if ſhe periſhed, ſhe would periſh there.
When ſhe came to the place of Execution, ſhe ſeemed to have a mixture of fear and hope in her, wringing one by the hand, ſaid, O what ſhall become of me now, if my heart have deceived me hitherto! Some words being ſpoken unto her, ſhe encouraged her ſelf again in the freeneſs of God's grace, and the fulneſs of mercy that was in Chriſt for poor penitent ſinners.
After earneſt Prayers put up unto God for her, and ſeaſonable Counſels given her by Mr. Ordinary and ſome others, ſhe went upon the Ladder, having before expreſſed an earneſt deſire to have ſpoken to the people, but wanting ſtrength, ſhe entreated us to declare to the Spectators and to all the World, That ſhe deſired to juſtifie the Lord in all his righteous proceedings againſt her, and that ſhe died juſtly for her great ſin; and earneſtly begged that all that ſaw or heard of her untimely end, would take warning by her deplorable fall, to take heed how they gave way to Satans Temptations.
Being upon the Ladder, a convenient time was left her to commend her ſoul unto God; and that ſhe might not be ſurprized before ſhe was ready, was deſired to give a ſign when ſhe had done; and ſhe with the ſame foot wherewith ſhe ſtampt for her husband to tell him of her horrid fact which ſhe had unnaturally done, ſtamped upon the round of the Ladder, to give notice ſhe was now willing and ready to dye for the ſame: whereupon the Executioner did his office.
Many other paſſages might have been inſerted, but becauſe we are not willing to make this Narrative ſwell too large, we ſhall omit them.
O that this ſad Execution may cauſe all that hear, to fear, and do no more ſo preſumptuouſly. Deut. 17.13.
How apparent is it that the Devil goeth about like a roaring Lion, ſeeking continually whom he may devour! And how much the more need have all the children of men to be upon their diligent watch, and to be earneſt and fervent in prayer to God, that they may not be overcome with his temptations.
Yea, let him that thinketh he ſtandeth, take heed lest he fall.
Let it be your care to check every temptation at the entrance of it. Conſult not with fleſh and blood; give no place to ſlaviſh fears; admit of no conſultations with the Devil, leſt he prove too hard for you. Give not way to ſinful anger, for therein thou giveſt place to the Devil: And let all ſinners know, that if they do evil, ſin lieth at their door; if they reſolve to continue in their ſin, then their ſin will aſſuredly find them out; but if they break off their ſins by works of righteouſneſs, repent, and return to the Lord, iniquity ſhall not be their ruine.