The Complete Mother, Chapter 2
CHAP. II. Wherein are manifeſted the great Miſchiefs which Mothers by tranſferring the Nurſing of their Children to other Women, threaten their Families with; both in point of Succeſſion, and that Mutual Affection which ought to be among the ſeveral Branches of it.
§ 1. MY propoſed Method leads me how to the ſecond part of my undertaking, viz. To conſider and repreſent the Miſchievous Conſequences which frequently reſult from Mothers expoſing their Children to be nurſed by other Women, and cannot otherwiſe be ſo ſurely prevented, as by diſcharging this Office themſelves. And they either reſpect the Family or the Child.
Firſt, The whole Family may ſuffer great prejudice by this unreaſonable Cuſtom: And that both in point of Succeſſion, and that mutual Affection which ought to be among the ſeveral Branches of it, and is neceſſary to its flouriſhing Proſperity.
§ 2. 1. The Families of the Great and the Rich eſpecially are in danger to be injured hereby in the Succeſſion. None are ſo much concerned, as Perſons of Honour and Eſtates, to preſerve the Succeſſion of both to their own Off-ſpring, nor are any in ſo much danger as they to be injured that way. The poor Man needs not fear a Suppoſititious Brood; for who will be deſirous to obtrude a Child on him to inherit Beggary? But if a poor Tenant have a fair Opportunity to thruſt her own or Friends Child into the room of her Landlords Heir, or can contrive to make him paſs for the Son of a Wealthy Tradeſman, it requires a deal of Honeſty to withſtand the Temptation. Now if it be conſidered how mutable the Countenance of an Infant is; what Alterations a few days make in the Lineaments of its Face, it may be judged no hard thing to deceive the moſt Critical Mother after a Months abſence. So that either if the Nurſe have a mind to make her own Child, or be hired to make ſome others a Fortune; or if ſhe have Overlaid her Nurſery, and to conceal the Crime, cloath ſome other about the ſame Age in its Spoils, perhaps the moſt curious Inſpection may not be able to diſcern the Cheat. I am ſure the booriſh and degenerate Rudeneſs of ſome, who paſs for the Children of very Polite, Ingenious and good humoured Parents, give too much cauſe to ſuſpect them Changlings. Nor is this a bare Suppoſition without any Inſtances, for Valerius Maximus tells us,Val. Max. l. 9. c. 15.3. That in the Reign of Auguſtus, one pretended to be the Son of his Siſter Octavia, affirming, That by reaſon of his great Weakneſs he had been changed for the Nurſes own Son. It's true the Cheat ſucceeded not, yet Octavia's putting of her Son off to be Nurſed by a Stranger, gave an opportunity to attempt it: And perhaps the reaſon that ſo few Nurſes art detected in ſuch like Attempts, is becauſe they frequently ſucceed better, being detected only where they fail. Yet one remarkable Inſtance more there is, How Arthebar, or (as others call him) Artabanus King of Epirus was more ſucceſsfully impoſed on, having his Child changed at Nurſe, and the Son of a mean Knight introduced into his Family. Which Treaſon the Nurſe at length, though too late diſcovering, occaſioned a Bloody War, wherein both Pretenders were ſlain, and the Kingdom it ſelf Uſurped by Alexander the Brother of that Olympias, who was Alexander the Great's Mother, And to prevent ſuch Suppoſititious Baſtardies, Lycurgus the Famous Spartan Law-giver enacted, That the nobleſt Spartan Women▪ even their Kings Wives, ſhould at the leaſt Nurſe their eldeſt Son. And Plutarch reports, That the ſecond Son of Themiſtes the ſeventh King of the Lacedemonians, ſucceeded his Father, only becauſe he had been nurſed by his own. Mother, whereas the eldeſt had ſucked the Breaſts of a Stranger. Now as the Mothers Nurſing her ſelf is a ſure way to prevent any ſuch Cheat of the Nurſe; ſo it is a Security to the Husband, that ſhe hath not her ſelf, to eſcape the Infamy of Barrenneſs., Conſented to the introducing of anothers Child into his Family. And it is the Note of St. Chryſoſtom upon Gen. 21.7. That therefore Sarah give Suck, to make it more credible, that ſhe was truly a Mother, leaſt any by reaſon of her Age ſhould have ſuſpected the Child to have been Suppoſititious. For the Milk in her Breaſts might ſatisfie the moſt Diſtruſtful, that Iſaac was her genuine Offſpring, and that beyond all Expectation ſhe was become a Mother. Hence I conclude, that the Quality of any Woman is ſo far from being a reaſonable Excuſe from undertaking this part in the Education of her Child, that it rather increaſes her Obligation. For the greateſt Care ought to be taken in preventing the Obtruſion of a Spurious Iſſue on the Families and Succeſſions, where there is the moſt Danger.
§ 3. 2. I come to ſhew Secondly, That as it is neceſſary to the Happineſs of every Family, that there be mutual Indearments between the ſeveral Branches of it: So the putting of Children out to be nurſed by others, is a very likely way to hinder them, and the contrary to promote them; which I ſhall manifeſt in theſe three Particulars, viz. In reſpect of the Mothers Affection towards the Child, The Childs towards its Mother, and The Children of the ſame Parents towards one another.
§ 4. Firſt, It is very unlikely that thoſe Mothers, who transfer the Nurſing of their Children to others, ſhould ordinarily love them as tenderly as thoſe that make them their own Care. A Gell. l. 12. c. 1. ad fin.When the Infant is exil'd from its Mothers ſight, that warmth of Love, which receives new Vigor from the frequent view of its Object, cools by degrees and languiſhes; whilſt the Interpoſition of other Objects ſoon weans her from that poor Exile, who becomes abroad almoſt as much forgotten, as if it had been laid in the Grave. It is not rare to obſerve, That Foſter-Children are more dear to their Nurſes than their Mothers; and Mothers for the moſt part are fondeſt of thoſe whom they have nurſed themſelves. And it is too common an Obſervation, That ſome Ladies ſhew a greater Fondneſs toward their Dogs than their Children,Ladies Calling, Part 2. Sect. 2. § 26. Shewing thoſe to all Comers, when in many days Converſe one ſhall hear nothing, whence it may be known that they have any Children. Concerning which we have a remarkable Story in Plutarch, Plut. In Pencl▪How that Ceſar once ſeeing ſome Strangers at Rome, who were People of Quality, carrying up and down with them in their Arms and Boſoms young Puppy-dogs and Munkies, and hugging and making much of them, took occaſion to ask, Whether the Women in their Country were not uſed to bear Children. By that Princely Reprimand gravely reflecting upon ſuch Perſons as ſpend and laviſh that Affection and Kindneſs (which Nature hath impleated in us) on Brute Creatures, though it be due and owing only to humane Nature, thoſe of our own Kind. Now there can no account ſo likely be given of any Womans greater Fondneſs, of Brutes, than of their own Children, but that theſe being nurſed abroad, their Dogs are more converſant with them than they. I muſt confeſs (what a. Learned Man objects) that many Ladies,Towerſon on the Commandm. p. 237. who place their Children abroad, are very tender of them, and ſometimes more Fond than Women of meaner Birth and Fortunes, who for the moſt part Nurſe themſelves: Nor would I therefore be underſtood to intend the foregoing Cenſure for all Mothers that decline this Office. In ſome, nay in many, I hope, Duty and natural Affection triumph over this Temptation. However it is a Temptation that prevails on too many, and they that are Wiſe, will for that reaſon conclude it beſt and ſafeſt to avoid it. St. Ambroſe made this Obſervation,Amb. de Abr. l. 1. c. 7. That Mothers generally love thoſe beſt whom they have Suckled at their own Breaſts.Plut. foreign, p. 3. Id. foreign, p. 496. And Plutarch concludes this the principal Intention of Nature, in giving the Mother a Capacity of being a Nurſe, and in placing her Breaſts ſo conveniently for the embracing of her little Nurſery, that ſhe may receive freſh Endearments every Moment from thoſe intimate Embraces.*Nay, God himſelf ſuppoſes this apt to create a great Tenderneſs in the Mother, when he ſays, Iſa 49.15. Can a Woman forget her Sucking Child, that ſhe ſhould not have Compaſſion on the Son of her Womb? When the Woman makes the Son of her Womb her Sucking Child, or her own Nurſery, it is a thing next to impoſſible, that ſhe ſhould fail in the Affection and Care of a Mother toward it. And if this be granted as a moſt likely means to increaſe the Mothers Love to her Child, ſhe that exiles her little ones, takes the way hugely to cool, if not quite extinguiſh it.
§ 5. Secondly, This is the way to alienate the Childs Affections from its Mother. Some Grammarians derive the Latin word Lac (Milk) from lacio (to allure) as concluding no way ſo likely to allure the Child to love its Mother, as Nurſing it with her Milk. She performs indeed but half the Office, and conſequently earns but half of that Love which otherwiſe is due to a Mother who only bears her Child and then turns it off. And I never yet met with any one Inſtance to contradict the Obſervation of a Learned Prelate to this purpoſe, viz. That many cruel Tyrants have killed their Mothers, Biſhop Taylor's Grand Example. p. 21. § 10.yet none ever offered Violence to his Nurſe. And this ſhews that bearing in the Womb is not ſo inviolable an Obligation to Love, as Nurſing at the Breaſt. We read of one of the Gracchi returning to Rome from his Victories in Aſia, that he preſented his Mother with a Jewel of Silver, and his Nurſe with a Girdle of Gold; giving this reaſon for the preference of the latter,Roderic. de Caſtro de Mulier. morbis. That when his Mother, after his Birth, caſt him off, his Nurſe took him forſaken as he was to her Breaſts, and cheriſhed him in her kind Embraces. This is manifeſt, that Love deſconds more ſtrongly than it aſcends, ſo that it is not likely that the Childs Affections towards its Parents ſhould exceed theirs towards it. And therefore ſuch a Mother hath reaſon to expect the leaſt Love from her Children, who hath ſhewed the leaſt toward them Perhaps whilſt ſhe is in Proſperity, and ſtands in no need of their Love, Intereſt may oblige them to carry civilly toward her: Yet it is to be ſuſpected that they have no ſuch grounds in Nature, as will maintain a conſtant Fervour of Affection againſt the Frowardneſs or Misfortunes of an Unnatural Mother. I do not affirm this to be a conſtant Effect of that Cauſe, for ſometimes perhaps the Mothers After-care may make amends for the firſt Unkindneſs: Sometimes extraordinary good Nature in the Child may conquer the Reſentments of this early Neglect, or the Influences of Divine Grace may triumph over this Temptation. It is enough for my purpoſe that it is a Temptation, a Temptation which oft prevails on a Graceleſs Child, to requite hits Mothers Rejection of him with the like Unkindneſs: And this is reaſon enough to oblige all Mothers to prevent it by their early Care and Tenderneſs in Nurſing.
§ 6. Thirdly, As the Happineſs of Families very much depends upon the mutual Love of the ſeveral Branches of it among themſelves; ſo the Mothers refuſing them that common Nouriſhment which were likely to promote it, is too juſtly chargeable with the Miſchiefs which reſult from their mutual Unkindneſſes. We read of Scipio Aſiaticus, that though he rejected the Importunity of his Brother Africanus, in behalf of ten Soldiers who were condemned for offering Violence to the Veſtals; yet he pardoned them at the requeſt of his Foſter-Siſter: And being asked the reaſon why he did more for his Nurſes Daughter than for his own Mothers Son, he returned this anſwer, I eſteem her rather to be my Mother who brought me up, than her that brought me forth and then forſook me. Which ſhews both that his Nurſe had more of his Love than his Mother, and alſo her who ſucked the ſame Milk, than he who had lain in the ſame Womb.Plut. In Catone. I remember Plutarch reports of Cato, that wiſe Roman, that as he obliged his Wife to give her Children Suck with her own Breaſts, ſo alſo to let the Children of his Slaves Suck her too, that by partaking of the ſame Nouriſhment, a Natural Affection might be inſtilled into them toward his Son. And the frequent Inſtances of many great Perſons Kindneſs and Liberality toward their Foſter-Brothers, is an Argument how prevalent this Method is, of propagating the Streams of Love from the common Fountain of the Breaſt among all the partakers of it. And the too common Obſervation of Fraternal Diſcords, as it is matter of Melancholly Conſideration, ſo it ought to oblige Mothers to neglect no means any way likely to prevent them; eſpecially to joyn them all at her Breaſts, that they may be more united in their Lives.
§ 7. Thus have I demonſtrated how much the good of Families obliges all Mothers, eſpecially Perſons of Quality, to Nurſe their own Children, that they may more ſurely prevent all Opportunities of wronging their own Heir, of alienating themſelves from their Children, or their Children from them, or from one another.