Select Observations of Roman Emperors, Life 25
Helagabalus.
THE outward form is no small circumstance to induce the multitude to reverence; since as deformity in a Prince hath oftentime occasioned contempt even to deprivation: so on the contrary hath an amiable shape strengthened very weak pretentions, and in Antoninus *Non satis possum mirari, quid impulerit hominem alioqui diligentem, & in veterum numismatum tractatione versatum, Onuphrium Panvinium, ut Alagabalum in suis commentariis ubique edendum curaverit, cum ut ipse testatur, in antiquis numismatibus ELAGABAL. incisum observaverit. Ursinus in Dionem, p. 1054.Helagabalus was sufficient title to an Empire, even in a military election. Habington's Edward the 4th p. 6, 7.
Quoniam tota stirps Helagabali & consobrini ejus Alexandri Severi, magnopere confusa est & obscura, eam hic proponam. Igitur Julius Bassianus è Phoenice oriundus filias habuit Juliam Domnam Augustam conjugem Severi, & Maesam. Juliae filius fuit Caracalla qui & Bassianus ex nomine avi materni dictus. Maesa Julium maritum habuit virum Consularem, ex quo duas filias peperit Sohaemiadem & Mamaeam. Quarum Sohaemias quidem Vario Marcello Senatorii loci viro nupta filium habuit Avitum, qui & Bassianus dictus est ex avi ac proavi materni nomine, ex paterno autem nomine Varius. Itaque fallitur Lampridius qui Helagabalum Varium dictum esse scribit ex aviae Variae nomine. Nec minus falli eundem puto, cum Alexandrum Severum Varii filium, Variae nepotem fuisse dicit. Neque enim credibile est patrem Helagabali & Alexandri uno eodemque appellatos nomine. Potius crediderim erravisse Lampridium, qui Alexandri patrem facit qui erat Helagabali. Et enim si Varium Helagabali patrem esse scisset, certè id in ojus vita retulisset, quo loco causas quaerit cur Helagabalus dictus est Varius. Ac duas quidem ejus appellationis ibi causas retulit, hanc quam dixi praetermisit. Proinde non dubito errorem illum in stirpe Alexandri Severi ex ignoratione Lampridii fluxisse. Nisi forte Varii filium interpretari placet, adoptatum ab Helagabalo qui & Varius est dictus. Caeterum naturalis Alexandri Severi pater ignoratur. Ab auctoribus autem Mamaeae filius ferè dici solet. Quod in gratiam Mamaeae a Senatu decretum fuisse credibile est, quemadmodum patres olim censuerant, ut Tiberius Augustus Liviae filius diceretur, teste Dione. Avus quidem ejus dictus est Alexianus, si credimus Herodiano, l. 5. idque initio nomen fuit Alexandro Severo. Valesius in Excerpta Peiresci, p. 111, 112.
This Monster had more names and surnames (saith Tristan) than Hydra had heads; for whilest he was a private man he was called Varius Avitus Lupus, Varius from his reputed Father Varius Marcellus *Nec debuit Alagabalus deliciarum portentum alibi nasci quàm in Syria. P. Molinaeus in Epist. Greg. Nysseni De euntibus Hierosolymam, p. 26.a Syrian, Avitus Lupus from Iulius Avitus Lupus his Grand-father by the mothers side; after being presented to the Soldiers to obtain their favour, he was named Bassianus: by whom when he was received and proclaimed Emperor, they gave him the name of Antoninus. He was the last Emperor upon whom that name was conferred, which because he dishonoured, he was called Pseud-Antoninus. He was named Assyrius (saith Dion) because he was often seen in publick clothed with a barbarous habit, such as his Countrymen the Priests of Syria, Quod non minus insolens quàm si Iovis sacerdos aut dialis flamen ipsam Iovis appellationem sibi vindicasset. Casaubon.anciently called Assyria, used to wear. His debauchednesse made him to be sur-named the Roman Sardanapalus. He had the surname of Helagabalus given to him, |Novo exemplo hic fanaticus, de nomine ejus dei cujus sacerdos fuit, se quoque dici voluit.because he was Priest of Helagabalus the peculiar god of the Emesenes; so strange a Deity, that Authors †Mirè variant in hoc vocabulo libri veteres. Sylburgius in Indice rerum & verb. Notab. in Rom. Hist. syntagmate Graeco-Latino.agree not about the writing, or meaning of his name: though it be most probable that it signifieth the Sun.
He was the spurious issue of Caracalla and Symia Syra, which Scaliger rendreth Lunula Onychine.
Appellationes imponere a rebus, quae in amoribus & deliciis sunt, omnium nationum commune est, a floribus, ab arboribus, herbis, gemmis, mundo muliebri. Sed hoc Iudaeis, Aethiopibus, Syris, Arabibus tam frequens, tam vulgo usitatum, ut earum nationum proprium videri possit. Scaliger in Eusebium.
He had 6 Wives in the short time of his reign; the first of which was Annia Faustina, of Commodus his linage, for the enjoyment of whom he caused Pomponius Bassus her husband to be put to death, not permitting her to weep for him. Divorcing her,On a reverse of Annia Faustina is written Concordia: and on one of Paula's Concordia aeterna. he married Cornelia Paula a most Illustrious Roman Lady (That he might the sooner be a Father (said he) who was not able to be a man;) yet soon after only because she had a spot in her body, as he said, he put her away,Tristan. and stripping her of all honours, sequestred her to a private life. After pretending he was in love, he violently took out of Vesta her sacred Nunnery at Rome, Iulia Aquilia Severa a Vestal Virgin, and married her, which by the Heathens was held such a crime, that the Nun which had carnal knowledge of a man, was buried alive: writing to the Senate, who were grieved at his sacrilegious act, That she was a fit match for a Priest, and impudently affirmed he did it, That from himself a Priest and his Wife the chief Priestess of Vesta, there might be born issue worthy of the Gods. Yet he quickly turned away this Wife, for to espouse another, with 2 more whose names are unknown; it being difficult to determine whether he be to be blamed more for his frequent and illegal marriages, or his sudden and causeless divorces. And at last being possessed with a continual inconstancy (having changed 5 times in 4 years) he returned to Aquiliae Severa. compare Dion l. 79. with Herodian, l. 5. c. 6.
He so favoured Aurelius Zoticus, that himself commanded him to be taken (of all the chief Officers for the Emperors husband. Zoticus was supplanted by Hierocles, admitted to the same familiarity by Helagabalus, and styled his husband also.
Nor did he thus play at fast and loose with humane Matrimonies only, but now his God also wanted a Wife. Him he married first to Pallas, after (saying, His God liked not so martial a Wife) to Vrania, concluding it was fitter to match the Sun and Moon together, making his God almost as fickle as himself. Herodian, l. 5. c. 6.
He gave all the treasure in the Temple of Vrania to his God, for a portion with her.
He commanded all the people of Rome and Italy to use all publick and private feasts for joy of the wedding.
He erected in the suburbs a magnificent Temple,Is Deum suum circumferens ac reliquis omnibus praeferens & Coelesti Carthaginensium deae matrimonio copulans, Eponam etiam nescio quam deam obtrudens, nihil reliqui fecit ad summam proterviam. Jac. Cappellus in Eccl. Christ. cent. 2. p. 51. into which every year with great solemnity he brought his God, whom he preferred before Iupiter, and made an Edict that the Romans should pray to the new god Helagabalus before all other gods, who, he said, were servants of his God, spoiling their Temples to enrich that of his, nay would have had no other gods worshipped at Rome, saith Lampridius in Helagab. c. 3. Nec Romanas tantum voluit extinguere religiones, sed per orbem terrae unum studens ut Helagabalus deus unus ubique coleretur. Id. ib.
So inordinate was his concupiscence, that nature not permitting, what his desires prompted him unto; turning his lusts upon himself, he cut off his privities, consecrating himself to Cybele; and charged all to call him Bassiana, instead of Bassianus. Sextus Aurelius Victor in his Epitome.
Ad ritum patrium, non temere, pudenda sacravit spurcissimus ille. Seldenus de Diis Syris, syntagmatis secundi capite primo, editionis L. B. p. 228.
He was a man for all women, and a woman for all men. Coeffeteau.
He so far differed from the manners of men,Non homo nominandus est, sed upupa faedissima, saith Benevenutus de Rambald is in his Augustalis. that modesty permitteth not to relate his greatest vices; the Devil in the form of an Hermaphrodite, not being able to act greater lewdness than he did, saith Tristan.
Lampridius thus beginneth the story of Helagabalus: I would never have wrote the beastly life of Helagabalus, that it might not have been known, that he was a Roman Emperor, unless Caligula, Nero and Vitellius had before sate in the same throne.
Boccaline feigneth that Lampridius was severely proceeded against by Apollo, and that by order of the whole Congregation of Parnassus, his Histories was turned back upon his hands, and he was freely told; That he should go and teach those execrable lusts in the publick Classis, wherewith he had so delighted himself to fill his shameful papers, wherein he had written the lives of Helagabalus, Caracalla, and other lascivious Monsters of Nature. Parnassus cent. 1. advertisement 55.
It is questioned whether were greater his boundless Prodigality, Iuan Vasilowich sent to the City of Mosko to provide for him a colpack or measure full of live fleas for a medicine. They returned answer that the thing was impossible; and if they could get them, yet they could not measure them, for leaping out. Whereupon he beat out of their shins 7000 rubbels for a mulct. G. Fletchers History of Russia, cap. 12. p. 106.his stupendious Leachery, or his fantastical Foolery; the last of which his Imperial vertues he gave proof of, when he commanded his servants to bring him a thousand pound weight of Spiders offering them a reward, & received of them ten thousand pound weight, whereupon he said, That now he understood the greatnesse of Rome: at another time he caused to be gathered ten thousand Mice, a thousand Weazels, and a thousand Polecats, which he brought forth in a publick shew to the people, for some wise State-purpose, like the former, Speed's Chron.
He disfigured his fair face with foul tinctures; he slept in the day, transacted affairs in the night.
Being near the Sea, he never tasted fish; nor flesh when he was farthest in the Continent: he said, That fare was best which cost most.
In gluttony he exceeded Apicius and Vitellius. Lampridius in Helagabalo, c. 24.
He ridiculously wore Jewels, and those curiously engraved, on his feet; as if the rarity of the work could be discerned there. Lampridius in Helagab. c. 23.
His habit was betwixt the sacred long vestment of the Phoenicians, and the effeminate apparel of the Medes, for he scorned the Roman or Greek attire, as made of greasy wool. Herodianus, lib. 5. cap. 5.
That he might seem magnificent, he drowned Ships in the Haven; paying the owners for their fraught: and drew fishes out of his Ponds with Oxen. Lampridius ibid. c. 32, and 24.
He built stately Baths, which being but once used were plucked down. Lampridius c. 30.
He received the superfluous burden of his belly in vessels of Gold. Lampridius in Helagab. c. 32.
He said, If he had an heir, he would teach him to do as he did.
When he was but a private man, being reproved for his prodigality by a friend, who asked him, Whether he did not fear want hereafter? he answered; What can be better for me than to be heir to my self?
In confesso est, Helagabalum Imperatorem triclinia, quandoque lectos & porticus, omni florum genere stravisse, ut Liliis, Violis, Hyacynthis & Narcissis, ac per eos ambulasse, seque unguentis omnium fragrantissimis nudum saepenumero perunxisse. Quem secuti Imperatores, prope nullam molliciem sibi non permiserunt, nullum voluptatis poculum reliquerunt ingustatum. Quod ego in Romanis principibus quamvis damnem plurimum: non tamen admodum miror, cum etiam apud eos abjectissimi homunculi idem sibi indulserint. Jac. Grasserus in Auctario ad Text. officin. p. 425.
He conferred honours on sordid persons, and put great persons upon mean employments, causing the entrails of the sacrifices to be born by Generals of Armies, and chief Officers of State.
He advanced his teachers and ministers of most lewd and wicked acts to honours, whiles in the mean time he thrust down, or murdered excellent persons. Holland in his Chronology, at the end of Amm. Marcellinus translated by him. Impuros & flagitiosos homines, item aurigas & histriones, facit Legatos, Consules, Duces. Dietericus in Breviario Historico.
In imitation of Apicius he would frequently eat Camels heels, the combs of Cocks newly cut, the tongues of Peacocks and Nightingales, with the entrails of Mullets, Partridges eggs, the heads of Parrats, Pheasants, and Peacocks, and the brains of Thrushes and Phoenicopters. Id. Ib. c. 20.
He had served in at a meal the heads of 600 Estridges, only that he might eat their brains. Id. Ib. c. 30.
He fed his horses with grapes, his dogs with The Goose is the trusty Centinel of the Roman Capitol, whom Helagabalus hated and the Romans honoured so much. Finch in his man transformed. 15th Character.Geese livers (a dainty then,) Lions and other beasts with Parrats and Pheasants. Id. Ib. c. 20. and 21.
He often changed his Pallets, and lay not on any couch unless it was stuffed with Hares fur, or the feathers under *Plinius perdices promiscuè iniri fatetur. Forsan ideo libidinosissimus homo Helagabalus, in pulvinaribus culcitris que substerni sibi voluit perdicum plumas. Sim. Abbes Gabbema in Priapeia, annexa Petronio, p. 20.Partridges wings. Id. Ib. c. 19.
One day he would eat nothing but Pheasant, another day Chickens, on another this or that Fish, at one time Ostriches, at another Herbs, or Apples, otherwhiles sweet-meats, or white-meats only. Id. Ib.
One of his feasts was hardly ended in a day, the several messes being prepared, and eaten successively in the houses of his several friends, one dwelling in the Capitol, another on mount Caelius, a 3. beyond Tiber, &c. one staying for another, till the dishes went through all their houses. Lampridius, c. 30.
In parasitas tantum scelestus nebulo ingeniosus & justus fuisse videtur, saith Goulartius.He tyed his Parasites to a wheel, and turned them up and down in water, calling them his Ixionian friends. Id. ibid. cap. 24.
He thrust them also out of his diningrooms, which had deceitful floors, into chambers filled with roses, that smothered with them, they might meet with the bitterness of death in sweetness. Id. Ib. c. 21.
He Tantalized them with mock-feasts in wax, wood, ivory, marble, glass; sometimes what himself did eat was woven or wrought with a needle on their Napkins: otherwhiles so many dishes of meat as were provided for him, were painted upon their tables: only allowing them to drink. Id. Ib. c. 26 and 27.
At the 2. and 3. course he caused Bears, Pardals, Lyons and Leopards, which lacked their teeth and claws, to be brought in suddenly by their Keepers, to terrifie them who were ignorant of their inability to hurt. Lamprid. c. 21.
He shut them up when they were drunk, turning in upon them in the night these disarmed beasts, with the fear of which many dyed. Id. ib. c. 25.
Their yearly salaries were pitchers full of Frogs, Scorpions, Serpents and Flyes.Digna certè & domino & ministris stipendia. Jo. Cluverus in Hist. Epit. Id. Ib. c. 26.
Many times he kept them in their lodgings from night to morning with old Black-moor women, whereas he told them he had provided most beautiful ones for them. Id. ib. c. 30.
When the people had taken up their places before day in the Theatre to behold the sports, he caused Serpents to be thrown among them, whereby many of them were sore bitten and hurt by flight. Lampridius, c. 23.
He to gratifie his mother,Solus omnium imperatorum fuit, sub quo mulier quasi clarissima, loco viri senatum ingressa est. did fantastically set up a Parliament of Women, with sutable Orders, as how to attire, where take place, when salute; but after his death all Women were deprived of that priviledge by the Senate. Id. ib. c. 4. and 18.Lampridius.
He did drive Chariots drawn by Elephants in the Vatican, levelling the Tombs which stood in his way; he was also drawn by 4 Camels in the Circus, by 4 Mastives in the Palace, after he was Emperor; by 4 Stags in publick, sometimes by Lions he naming himself Magna Mater, also by Tigers counterfeiting Bacchus, unto whom through his excessive humour of drinking he was something more like: other whiles 4 naked Wenches drew him, he being also naked. Lampridius, c. 23, 28, 29.
He was addicted to divination by inspection of the bowels of young men sacrificed, chusing many fair Gentlemen throughout all Italy, whose Parents were living, that their sorrow might be the greater. Lamprid. c. 8.
By perswasion of Maesa his Grand-mother, who pretended to free him from cares of state, he proclaimeth Alexander Severus his Cousin-german Caesar; maketh him Consul with himself, and adopteth him for his Son: the Senate ridiculously voting what he commanded, viz. Alex. Severus who was 12 years old, to be the Son of Helagabalus that was but 16.
No more than 4 years 'twixt their Ages run,
Yet t'one must Father be, and t'other Son.
Herodian in english verse, p. 136.
He assaying in vain to draw his cousen to his unseemly courses, repented that he had made him his Collegue in the Empire; expelled all his Tutors from the Court, and put the chief of them to death: alledging ridiculously, That the Pedants spoiled his Son, not suffering him to dance and revel, but teaching him to be modest and use manly exercises. Herodian, l. 5. c. 7. Lampridius, c 13.
That he revenged himself on none who mocked him upon the reading of Macrinus his letters against him at Rome: Tristan imputeth to the prudent moderation of Maesa and Eutychianus, by whose means chiefly he got the Empire, whom he yet put to death with cruel ingratitude, only because he was advised by him to reform.
The Syrian Priests having foretold him that he should die a violent death, he built a rich and stately Tower whence he might throw himself down; preparing also cords of crimson-silk and gold to strangle himself with; rich swords to thrust himself through; keeping poyson in boxes of Emeralds and Iacynth, that he might chuse a death according to his humour: saying, That however he dyed, his death should be glorious in the eies of men, and such a one as none ever dyed. But he failed of his hope; though not of his desert; for the Soldiers of his own guard, whom he commanded to make away his Cousin-german and deface his Statues, for the love they bare to Alexander Severus, killed Helagabalus himself in a Privy, whither he fled to esape them.
His body was drawn by a Soldier through all the Streets of Rome, like the carkass of a dog, with this military proclamation: The whelp of untamed and ravening lust. At last when the quantity of his body was greater than would enter into the stool of a Privy, (wherein for the last funeral ceremony it should have been buried) they drew it to Tiber, Hic finis Antoninorum nomini in rep. fuit, scientibus cunctis istum Antoninum tam vita falsum fuisse quàm nomine. Lampridius, c. 33.binding it to an heavy weight, and so cast it into the River, that it might neither float above water, nor be buried; he being the only Emperor who was ever so punished.
From these things that hapned unto him he was called Tiberinus & Tractitius.
They did also thrust stakes through the fundament of some of his lewd companions, that their death might be conformable to their life.
Brevem temporum seriem per generationes & regna primus ex nostris Julius Africanus sub Imperatore Marco Aurelio Antonino, simplici historiae stylo elicuit, inquit Isidorus, qui his verbis & quintum claudit Originum librum & Chronicon suum orditur. Non est autem hic intelligendus Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Philosophus, sed Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, qui dicebatur Helagabalus sive potius Elagabalus. Gerh. Ioh. Vossius de Histor. Graecis. l. 2. c. 15.
It is observable that notwithstanding he not only permitted, but also encouraged his subjects to live licentiously:Sir Thomas Elyot his Image of Govern. ch. 3. moreover was so liberal toward them, that he fed them with most delicate and exquisite meats, gave unto them abundance of money, and all the plate, were it of gold or silver, wherewith he was served, to them who dined or supped with him, and made many other sumptuous distributions to the people: yet the Roman nevertheless abhorring in him their own vices, or rather being satiated therewith, slew him, as is above mentioned, in the *Victor in his Epit. saith he lived but 16 years.21. year of his age, when he had reigned |Herodian saith 6 years.3 years 9 months and 4 daies.
Who does not Commodus and Bassian Loath?
Heliogabalus was Himself and Both!
Dr. Holyday his Survey of the World. p. 90.