A Funeral Sermon for Sarah Lye, Postscript
POSTCRIPT.
NOW though the Husband of our Deceased Friend has been somewhat averse from publishing any thing of her own; yet being at last prevail'd upon, I shall commend to the Reader some particular Experiences of the Lords early dealing with her soul, as I have found them written by her own hand.
First, I find this Position laid down by her in her own Book, viz. That very many Scriptures do imply a possibility, that a believer may know that he is elected of God, and that his election is of free grace through our Lord Jesus Christ unto holiness, which shall end in glory, Phil. 2. 12, 13. 2 Cor. 13. 5. 2 Pet. 1. 10. with very many more, which I shall forbear to mention.
On which ground she proceeds to take a particular account of her own spiritual estate, as follows.
IT hath been much upon my thoughts to write some of those Scriptural Experiences which I have found and received great comfort in from the Word of God; being, as I judg, brought home to my soul, by the Spirit: And being now past the Fortieth year of my age, not knowing how soon the Lord may call, having always had a desire to be on my watch, that I may be found ready and willing when ever my Lords time is (This Mercy I have been begging many years).
I can truly say, for some Months past I have had no rest in my spirit till I began to write these things; and after fasting and prayer by my self, while in doubt what to do, fearing the falsness of my own heart, I was encouraged by a Sermon that I heard on these words in Psal. 77. 1…, I will remember the works of the Lord; surely I will remember thy wonders of old. Where was much pressed the duty of Christians, To relate what God had done for them.
And out of the longing desire I have for the good of you my dear Little ones, that you may value the precious Word of God wherein your Mother hath found so much comfort; you two, that is, SA. and MA. are the only remnant that God hath spared (and blessed be God that hath left us as to this day a Berry or two): You are the children of many prayers; the Lord grant you may be blessed with all spiritual blessings in Christ Jesus; and make you serviceable while you live, and fit you for an inheritance among the Saints in light. In order to that, I beg you in the name and fear of God, that you highly prize the Word of God, and every Ordinance of Jesus Christ appointed in his Word: I would say with David, Come my Children, hearken unto me, and I will tell you what he hath done for my soul, Psal. 34. 11. Psal. 66. 16. I have found the Word read and preached, yea many a Scripture that I could not remember I read or heard preached on; yet it hath pleased my gracious God to send many a word to relieve and comfort my soul: his word hath been to me a convincing word, a reproving, an instructing, and a very comforting word, and that my soul knoweth by great experience.
I intend, if the Lord permit, and will send his Spirit to bring things to my remembrance (without that I can do nothing) to set down the kindness of the Lord from my Childhood, that was pleased to begin with me be-times. O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledg of God, &c. Rom. 11. 33, 34, 35, 36.
I can remember, while a Girl at school, about the age of nine or ten, I took great delight in reading the stories in the Scripture, which did much affect me. Afterward I was more taken with the New Testament, that did reveal more of Christ to me. Then I began to pray as I was able. I do not remember, that I ever did make use of any written or printed form.
The first sin that I remember troubled me, was telling my Father a lye; and it had this aggravation with it, that he told me, If I would tell him how it was, he would believe me rather than my Brothers and Sisters; and out of fear of them, I said as they did; but with a very trembling heart, which much troubled me some years after this, when I begun to hearken to the word Preached, where I heard that sin set out.
I was much affected, and mourned much under the sense of sin; seeing a burden in it, I desired to look after a remedy.
The first Minister that I remember, I hearkned to, was Mr. H. of Kensington, where my Father was, in the summer. I did then begin to understand my state by nature, how under the wrath and curse of God. Then I began to see my need of, and did desire after Jesus Christ, being, as I thought then, willing to take him on his own terms. Jesus Christ was then, as I thought, precious to me; and being willing to understand my own case and condition, it pleased the Lord to open my heart, to hearken diligently to the word Preached, wherein I found much comfort, which ingaged my heart unto the Lord, and made me unwilling to neglect any duty which he commanded, or to commit any sin which the Lord forbids. This I well remember to be the frame of my spirit near thirty years ago.
Hearing much, that it was the end of life to glorfie God, it made the earnest breathings of my soul to be this; Oh, but how shall I glorifie God!
After this, by a Providence I heard Mr. M. at Westminster, my Father being there for some months; he was on that Scripture, 2 Chron. 15. 17. Nevertheless the heart of Asa was perfect all his days. I took great delight to hear him, being often angry he had done so soon. My soul was much refreshed by the signs and marks he gave of a perfect heart.
I did usually go from hearing, into my Chamber, and beg earnestly of God for a perfect heart, in which as I thought, I saw more of value, than in any injoyments whatever; it was what did concern my spiritual estate.
I begun to be much troubled about, how such a poor sinful creature that was by natnre under the wrath and curse of God, should escape this. I did believe as I had been taught, it was by a Redeemer; I did also believe that there was no name given under Heaven, by which I must be saved, but the Lord Christ Jesus. I did also much hearken to the tenders of Christ in the Gospel, and how he invited sinners to himself, and that he offered himself freely: this gave me encouragement. But as I had read and heard it was a strait gate, and a narrow way, few that find it: this made me very careful, lest I should be deceived.
And here came in the great question, But how shall I know that God in Christ will accept me? For many are called, but few chosen; God hath mercy on whom he will, and it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy. This made me very diligent to hearken to marks and signs of grace.
The first that I remember troubled me, was this; understanding it was the common lot of all Gods People, through many afflictions to enter into heaven: This did much trouble me at that time, and I was apt to think I should be able to bear any thing that God would lay on me, so it might evidence to me the love of God to my soul: but fool that I was! I judged too soon; for when it pleased the Allwise God to try me, I quickly saw that my strength was but small, by my fainting so much as I did in a day of adversity, which by many sad experiences I can shew, how unable to bear any thing when tryed. However then I thought I could bear any thing from with out, so all might be well within.
After this, by a Providence, I came to hear Mr. V. at St. Olaves; the first Sermon that I heard him, was on these words, And all the things thou canst desire, are not to be compared unto her, Prov. 3. 15. Wherein was set out the value of Jesus Christ above all that the world afforded, which very much wrought on my heart, with great longing after this Christ; but still came this question, How shall you know your interest? However, it pleased God so to bless his Ministry to me, that usually I found my doubts so resolved, and my heart so opened, that I went away with great joy and comfort; but for all this I was perplexed with dreadful thoughts; after I had such peace and joy, then Satan begun to work indeed: I, but is there such a God, and such a Christ to be believed in? How to answer this temptation, I was at a great loss, and would tell none what did ail me; I mourned much under it, and thought, I questioned whether there was a God or no; yet then I did not neglect praying, and did as it were pour out my soul daily unto God for victory, that he would not give me up to an unbelieving heart, and of his free-grace (who knew my soul in adversity) by his word to send me relief.
Going to hear on a Lecture-day, he then Preached on these words, Hos. 2. 7. I will go and return to my first husband, for then was it better with me than now. It pleased God so to order it, that he gave great caution against such thoughts, saying, Take heed, poor soul, when the Devil casteth in such thoughts: Is there a God, or a Christ? Take heed, for then Satan will have you in his snare. This, with many other things was set home on my heart; then he did convince me, by appealing to the Saints experience, Is it not better to entertain good thoughts of God, and of Christ? was it not better with you then, than now? The Lord gave me so to close in with the truth of that word, that I had great joy and peace through believing, and went home full of comfort, that God had so met me with a word. By that means it pleased the Lord to give check to those unbelieving thoughts that so overcame me.
And yet to this day, I have great cause to mourn, for that unbelief I find in my heart, notwithstanding all the experiences that God hath given me; that Scripture doth often reprove me, Heb. 3. 12. Take heed, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God.
After this I kept waiting at the posts of Wisdoms gate, that I might understand the state of my soul, which was the one thing necessary that I desired to look after; and finding by the word Preached, that the usual way and method of God, was to strike the soul down, as he did them in the second of the Acts, and the Jaylor, and the like; this did raise in me great doubts what to think of my self, because I could not find in my self such convictions of, and humiliation for sin, as was pressed; and as to Original sin, it did not seem much to affect me; this did bring me into great fears: However, I took that way I had found comfort in, which was by prayer to the Lord, to bless his word to me. Mr. V. was then on this Text, Ephes. 2. 8. By grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of your selves, it is the gift of God. To this I diligently hearken'd, and received great support, for all my objections seemed to be answered; yet for all this I did as it were refuse to be comforted: he being on signs of grace, closed the Text with these two marks: 1. A souls going on in a way of duty, was a very hopeful sign. 2. But the Spirit of God was the only infallible witness: the spirit it self beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the Children of God. The first did comfort me, the second did very much trouble me; for I could not understand the meaning of the spirits witness, which fearing lest I should be deceived in a matter of so great a concern, made me give all diligence in reading and hearing, that my doubts might be resolved; but as yet no rest in my spirit: and the more increased, being the time to go into the Country, where usually our family was; this added much to my grief to be taken off from hearing Mr. V.
I began to look more into the Scriptures, and to pick up whatever did come suddenly into my mind; and it pleased God to cast in many that seemed to comfort me, which I wrote down in that year.
But then came this question, These are marks and signs that belong to such and such Saints in Scripture: But what is this to thee? These thoughts much cast me down; what to do I knew not, but kept still praying and waiting on God, and I found speedy relief, when I least thought of it. My Father being at Hammersmith, I went constantly to hear there, and that Summer several City-Ministers did supply the place; and among the rest, I heard Mr. G. on these words, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life, Joh. 6. 68. As I remember, this was his Observation, That soul that had once given up it self to, could never bear a going off from Jesus Christ. His arguing thus with a doubting soul; Try thy self; cannot you bear a leaving of God? then doubt not that he will leave you: would you know whether God loves you? consider, do you love God? for you could not love him, unless he loved you first. By these and several arguments, the Lord was pleased so to set it home on my heart; I may well forget the words, my heart being so full of peace and joy through believing, 1 Pet. 1. that I cannot express it, being as I judg, better felt than exprest; it did seem at that time to me, as if I had tasted of that joy unspeakable and full of glory. I know not what to make of it, except it were a sealing unto the day of redemption. I thought then my joy being so great, I could willingly have gone out of the body, to have been with the Lord. I remember I went home and fell on my knees, admiring the freeness of grace to such a worm as I; crying out with the Apostle, O the depth! The sense of free-grace and rich mercy did much overcome me; the which, I hope, I shall admire to all eternity: O the goodness of God! when I had again and again refused to be comforted, yet he waited to be gracious to me! This I write and speak, that God the Father, and God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost may have the glory of their own work.
When under my doubts and fears, I seldom went to hear, but the word did seem to speak unto me; and several Scriptures came suddenly to my mind, that did reprove, and quiet, and comfort me, such as these, Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God, for I shall yet praise him. This hath been made good unto me; and that in the Psalm; In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul; and that it is good for me to draw near to God, Psal. 73. 28. And that a day in thy courts is better than a thousand, Psal. 84. 10. And I can truly say as David did, I had rather be a door-keeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in tents of wickedness. Experienced I have that of Job, I have esteemed thy word more than my necessary food, Job 23. 12. I have had great support from that Scripture, All that the Father giveth me, shall come to me; and him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out, Joh. 6. 37. I have often thought of that Scripture with joy, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thy self unto me, and not unto the world? for who maketh thee differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? I have again and again in these words, and many more, admired freeness of grace towards such a poor doubting soul as I was; I doubt not, but he which hath begun, will finish his own work on Sarah Lye. Amen, Amen.
Thus far I have written a relation of the first 20 years of my age, what was the great thing that most troubled me; it was, That I might have assurance of the love of God, and a well-grounded hope of an interest in Christ; that what the Lord Jesus had done and suffered, might be applied unto me; and having hopes through grace, and rejoycing much in hopes of the glory of God, which hope maketh not ashamed.
After this I began to have great tryals, as to the loss of my relations; my Parents; that were very dear to me, both dying within four Months; this with many more troubles much cast me down; yet to observe the Providences of God to me, and how by his word he sent me relieving experiences, should I set it down in order, would swell to a great Volume.
Only thus much I may speak to the praise of God, that when Father and Mother forsook, God took me into his care, and hath graciously provided for me, and hath given me an Agurs portion, which I beg'd of the Lord when but a Girl: I can truly say, All the ways of the Lord are, and have been to me mercy and truth: For this God I have chosen to be my God, for ever and ever; and I doubt not, but he will be my guide even unto death.
And now, my dear Child, or Children, that shall read of this way and method that the Lord did use in bringing me off from all things to himself, take heed, pray, take heed you do not limit the holy One of Israel; nor tye up God to this, or any way of working; the Lord worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: but we are commanded to search our hearts, and try our ways, and to examine our selves, and to give all diligence to make our calling and election sure.
Look that the work of conversion be wrought, and leave time and way to the All-wise God, that governs the world, and orders all things, to whom be glory for ever and ever, Amen, and Amen.
All that I have written in these few sheets, is not out of any book but that of my own conscience; no assister, but the spirit; and to no end, but that God in all things may have glory, for I will not dare to speak of any of those things which Christ hath not wrought in me.
FINIS.