Practical Commentary of 1 Peter Volume 2, Commentary · Chapter 1 · Verse 5
Verse 7.
7. Likewise ye Husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge giving honour unto the Wife, as unto the weaker Vessel, and as being heirs together of the Grace of Life, that your Prayers be not hindred.
YOur Wives are subject to you, but you likewise subject to this Word, by which all ought in all Stations to be directed, and however all shall one day be judged by it, and alike subject as they [foreign] Parents as Children, Masters as Servants, and Kings as their Subjects; all hold of a superiour, and 'tis high treason against the Majesty of God, for any in any place of command, to dream of any unbounded absolute authority, in opposition to him.
A Spirit of prudence or knowledge particularly suitable and relating to this subject is required, as the light and rule, by which his whole oeconomy and carriage is to be guided. It is requir'd that he endeavour after that civil prudence, for the ordering of his Affairs, that tends to the good of his Family, but chiefly a pious religious prudence, for regulating his Mind and carriage as a Christian Husband; that he study the Rule of Scripture in this particular, which many do not; neither advising with it, what they should do, nor laying it by re…lex upon their actions past, examining by it what they have done. Now this is the great fault in all practical things, most know something of them, but inadvertency and inconsideration, not ordering our ways by that light, is the thing that spoils all.
Knowledge required in the Wife, but more eminently in the Husband, as the Head, the proper seat of knowledge. It is possible, that the Wise may sometimes have the advantage of knowledge, either natural wit and judgment, or a great measure of understanding of spiritual things, but this still holds, that the Husband is bound to improve the measure both of natural and of spiritual gifts, that he hath, or can attain to, and apply them usefully to the ordering of his conjugal carriage, and that he understand himself oblig'd somwhat the more in the very notion of a Husband, both to seek after, and to use that prudence, that is peculiarly requir'd for his due deportment; and a Christian Wi…e that's largelier endow'd, yet will shew all respectiveness to the measure of Wisdom, though it be less, that is bestow'd upon her Husband.
Dwell with them] This indeed implies and supposes their abiding with them, so far as their calling and lawful Affairs permit: but I conceive, that which it expresly means, is all the conversation and duties of that estate, that they so behave themselves in dwelling with them, as becomes Men of Knowledge, wise and prudent Husbands, which returns them usually the gain of that full reverence and respect that is due to them, of which they rob and divest themselves that be either of a foolish or trisling carriage, or of too au…ere and rigid a conversation.
Giving honour unto the Wife] This, I conceive, is not as some take it, convenient maintenance, tho' that's a requisite duty too, and may be taken in under this word; but it seems to be chiefly, a due conjugal esteem of them, and respect to them, the Husband not vili…ying and despising them, which will readily grieve and ex…sp…rate them, not dis…losing the weaknesses of the Wife to others, nor observing them too narrowly himself: but hiding them both from others, and his own eyes by love, not seeing them further than love it self requires, that is to the wise rectifying of them by milde advices, and admonitions, that flow from love. And to this, the reasons indeed sute well: it seems at first a little incongruous, honour, because weaker; but considering this kind of honour, not of reverence as Superiour, for that is their part, but such an esteem and respect, without which indeed love cannot consist, for we cannot love that which we do not in some good measure esteem well of. And that they be not contemn'd and slighted, even because weaker, for of all injuries contempt is one of the smartingest, and most sensible,Omne infirmum naturâ querelum. especially to weakest Persons, who feel most exactly the least touches of this, whereas greater Spirits are a little harder against opinion, and more indifferent for it, and tho' not all, yet some Wives may be of a stronger Mind and Judgment than the Husbands, yet those rules respect the general condition of the Sexes, and speak of it so, as ordinarily weaker.
Again, Love which is ever to be supposed one Article and the main one, for nothing indeed can be right where that supposition proves false; Love, I say, supposed, this reason is very enforcing, that the weaker the Vessels be, the more tenderly they should be used, and the more a prudent passing by of frail…ies is need…ul, there love will study it, and bestow it the more; yea, this tie you know makes two one, and that which is a part of our selves, the more it needs in that, the more comeliness we put upon it, as the Apostle St. Paul tells us; and this further may be consider'd, that there is a … need of this honouring that consists in not d…spi…g and in covering of …railties, as is even imply'd in this, that the Woman is not called simply weak, but the weaker; and the Husband, that is generally by Natures advantage, or should be the stronger yet is weak too, for both are Vessels of Earth, and therefore frail, both polluted with sin, and therefore subject to a multitude of sinful sollies and frailties: but as that particular frailty of nature pleads for Women that honour, so the other reason added, is not from particular disadvantage, but from their common priviledge, and advantage of grace, as Christian, that the Christian Husband and Wife are equally Co-heirs of the same grace of life.
As being Heirs together of the grace of life.] This is that which most strongly binds on all these duties, on the hearts of Husbands and Wives. And most strongly indeed binds their hearts together, and makes them one, … each be reconciled unto God in Christ, and so heirs of life, and one with God, then are they truly one in God, each with other, and that's the surest and sweetest union that can be. Natural love hath risen very high in some Husbands, and Wives: but the highest of it fall… far very short of that which holds in God, hearts concentring in him are most, and excellently one, that love which is cemented by youth, and beauty, when these moulder and decay, as soon they do, it …ades too, that is somewhat purer, and so more lasting … holds in a natural or moral harmony of Minds, yet these likewise may alter and change by some great accident: but the most refin'd, and spiritual, and most …dis…oluble… is that which is knit with the highest and … Spirit. And the ignorance or disregard of this, … great cause of so much bitterness, or so little true … in the life of most married Persons, because … meet not as one in him.
Heirs together.] Loath will they be to despise one another, that are both bought with the precious blood of one Redeemer, and loath to grieve one another, being in him brought into peace with God, they will entertain true peace betwixt themselves and not suffer any thing to disturb it. They have hopes to meet one day, where is nothing but perfect Concord and Peace, they will live as heirs of that life here, and make their present estate as like to Heaven as they can, and so a pledge and evidence of their title to that Inheritance of peace, that is there laid up for them, and they will not fail to put one another often in Mind of th…se hopes, and that Inheritance, and to advance and further both each other towards it: where this is not, 'tis to little purpose to speak of other rules; where neither party aspires to this hei…ship, live otherways as they will, there is one common Inheritance abiding them▪ one Inheritance of everlasting flames, and as they do increase the sin and guiltiness of one another by their irrelig…ous Conversation, so that which some of them do wickedly here, upon no great cause, they shall have full cause there, to curse the time of their coming together, and that shall be a peice of their exercise for ever; but happy those persons, in any Society of Marriage, or Friendship that converse so together, as those that shall live eternally together in glory. This indeed is the Sum of all duties.
Life] A sweet word but sweetest of all in this sense, that Life above indeed only worthy the name, and this we have here, in comparison, let it not be called life, but continual dying, an incessant journey towards the Grave, if you reckon years, but a short moment to him that attains the fullest old age: but reckon miserie… and sorrows 'tis long to him that dyes young. Oh! that that only blessed li…e were more known, and then it would be more desir'd.
Grace.] This the tenor of this Heirship, Free Grace, this Life a free Gift, Rom. 6. ult. No life so spotless either in marriage or virginity, as to lay claim to this life upon other terms; if we consider but a little, what it is▪ and what we are, this will be quickly out of question with us, and we will be most gladly content to hold it thus by deed or gift, and admire and extol that Grace that bestows it.
That your Prayers be not hindred] He supposes in Christians the necessary and frequent use of this, takes it for granted, that the Heir of Life cannot live without prayer, this is the proper breathing and language of these Heirs, none of them dumb, they can all speak, these Heirs if they be alone, they pray alone, if Heirs together, and living together, they pray together. Can the Husband and Wife have that love, and wisdom, and meekness that may make their life happy, and that blessing that may make their Affairs successful, while they neglect God the only giver of these and all good things? You think these needless motives, but you cannot think how it would sweeten your Converse if it were used. 'Tis prayer that sanctifies, and seasons, and blesses all, and not enough that they pray when with the Family; but even Husband and Wife together by themselves, and with their Children, that they, especially the Mother, as being most with them in their Child-hood, when they begin to be capable, may draw them apart, and offer them to God, often praying with them, and instructing them in their youth, for they are pliable while young, as glass when hot, but after sooner break than bend.
But above all, Prayer is necessary as they are Heirs of Heaven, often sending up their desires thither. You that are not much in prayer, look as if you look'd for no more than what you have here, if you had an Inheritance and Treasure above, would not your heart delight to be there? Thus the Heart of a Christian is in the constant frame of it, but after a special manner Prayer raises the Soul above the World and sets it in Heaven: 'tis its near access unto God, and dealing with him especially about those Affairs that concern that Inheritance. Now in this lies a great part of the comfort a Christian can have here, and the Apostle knew this, that he would gain any thing at their hands, that he press'd by this Argument, that otherwise they would be hinder'd in their prayers. He knew that they who are acquainted with prayer find such unspeakable sweetness in it, that they will rather do any thing than be prejudic'd in that.
Now the breach of conjugal Love, the jarrs and contentions of Husband and Wife, do out of doubt so leaven and imbitter their Spirits, that they are exceeding unfit for Prayer, which is the sweet Harmony of the Soul in God's ears, and when the Soul is so far out of tune as those distempers make it, he cannot but perceive it, whose ear is the most exact of all, for he made and tun'd the Ear, and is the Fountain of Harmony: it cuts the sinews and strength of Prayer, makes breaches and gaps, as wounds, at which the spirits fly out, as the cutting of a vein, by which, as they speak, it bleeds to death. When the Soul is calm and compos'd, it may behold the Face of God shining on it; and they that pray together, should not only have hearts in tune within themselves in their own frame, but tun'd together, especially Husband and Wife that are one, they should have hearts consorted and sweetly tun'd to each other for prayer. So the word is foreign, Matt. 18. 19.
And 'tis generally true that all unwary walking in a Christian, wrongs their communion with Heaven, and casts a damp upon their Prayers, clogs the Wings of it: these two mutually help one another, Prayer and holy Conversation; the more exactly we walk, the more fit for prayer, and the more we pray, the more enabled to walk exactly, and 'tis a happy l…e to find the correspondence of these two, calling on the Lord and departing from iniquity Therefore that you may pray much live holily, and that you may live holily be much in prayer, surely such are the heirs of Glory, and this is their way to it.