Select Observations of Roman Emperors 2, Part 1 · Emperor 25
Choyce Observations OF HELIOGABALUS.
THis Monster had more names and sur-names (saith Tristan) then Hydra had heads; for whilest he was a private man he was called Varius Avitus Lupus, Varius from his reputed Father Varius Marcellus, Avitus Lupus from Julius Avitus Lupus his Grand-father by the mothers side; after being presented to the Souldiers to obtain their favour, he was named Bassianus: by whom when he was received and proclaimed Emperour, they gave him the name of Antoninus. He was the last Emperour upon whom that name was conferred, which because he dishonoured, he was called Pseud-Antoninus. He was named Assyrius (saith Dion) because he was often seen in publick clothed with a barbarous habit, such as his Countrymen the Priests of Syria, anciently called Assyria, used to wear. His debauchednesse made him to be sur-named the Roman Sardanapalus. He had the sur-name of Heliogabalus given to him, *Novo exemplo hic fanati…us, de nomine cjus dei cujus sacerdos fuit, se quoque dici voluit. quod non minut insolens quàm si Iovis sacerdos aut dialis flamen ipsam Iovis appellationem sibi vindicasset. Casaubon.because he was Priest of Heliogabalus the peculiar god of the Emesenes; so strange a Deity, that Authors agree not about the writing, or meaning of his name: though it be most probable that it signifieth the Sun.
He was the spurious issue of Caracalla and Symia Syra, which Sealiger rendreth Lunula Onychine.
He had 6 Wives in the short time of his reigne; the first of which was Annia Faustina, of Commodus his linage, for the enjoyment of whom he caused Pomponius Bassus her husband to be put to death, not permitting her to weep for him.On a reverse of Aunia Fanstina is written Concordia, and on one of Paula's Concordia aeterna. Tristan. See p. 171. in the margin. Divorcing her he married Cornelia Paula a most Illustrious Roman Lady (that he might the sooner be a Father (said he) who was not able to be a man) yet soon after onelyonly because she had a spot in her body, as he said, he put her away, and stripping her of all honours, sequestred her to a private life. After pretending he was in love, he violently took out of Vesta her sacred Nunnery at Rome, Julia Aquilia Severa a Vestal Virgin, and married her, which by the Heathens was held such a crime, that the Num which had carnal knowledge of a man, was buried alive: writing to the Senate, who were grieved at his sacrilegious act, That she was a fit match for a Priest, and impudently affirmed he did it, That from himself a Priest and his Wife the chief Priestesse of Vesta there might be born issue worthy of the Gods. Yet he quickly turned away this wife, for to espouse another, with 2 more whose names are unknown; it being difficult to determine whether he be to be blamed more for his frequent and illegal marriages, or his sudden and causelesse divorces. And at last being possessed with a continuall inconstancy (having changed 5 times in 4. yeares) he returned to Aquilia Severa. compare Dion. l. 79. with Herod. l. 5. c. 6.
Nor did he thus play at fast and loose with humane matrimonies onelyonly, but now his God also wanted a wise. Him he married first to Pallas, after (saying, His God liked not so martial a wife) to Vrania, concluding it was fitter to match the Sun and Moon together, making his God almost as fickle as himself. Herodian l. 5. c. 6.
He gave all the treasure in the Temple of Vrania to his God, for a portion with her.
He commanded all the people of Rome and Italy to use all publick and private feasts for joy of the wedding:
He erected in the suburbs a magnificent Temple, into which every year with great solemnity he brought his God, whom he preferred before Iupiter, and made an edic… that the Romans should pray to the ne… god Heliogabalus before all other gods, who he said, were servants of his God, spoiling their Temples to enrich that of his, nay would have had no other gods worshippe… at Rome, saith Lamprid. in Heliogab. c. 3. Ne… Romanas tautùm voluit extinguere religioues sed per orbem terrae unum studens ut Heliogabalu… deus unus ubique coleretur. Id. ibid. c. 6.
He was a man for all women, and a woman for all men. Coëffeteau.
He so far differed from the manners o… men, that modesty permitteth not to relate his greatest vices; the Devil in the form of an Hermaphrodite, not being able to act greater lewdness then he did saith Tristan.
Lampridius thus beginneth the story of Heliogabalus: I would never have wrote the beastly life of Heliogabalus, that it might not have been known, that he was a Roman Emperour, unlesse Caligula, Nero and Vitellius had before sate in the same throne.
Boccaline feigneth that Lampridius was severely proceeded against by Apollo, and that by order of the whole congregation of Parnassus, his Histories was turned back upon his hands, and he was freely told, That he should go and teach those execrable lusts in the publick Classis, wherewith he had so delighted himself to fill his shamefull papers, wherein he had written the lives of Heliogabalus, Caracalla, and other las…vious Monsters of Nature. Parnassus cent. 1. advertisement 55.
It is questioned whether were greater his boundlesse Prodigality, his stupendious Leachery, or his fantasticall Foolery: the last of which his Imperial vertues he gave proof of, when he commanded his servants to bring him a thousand pound weight of Spiders offering them a reward, and received of them ten thousand pound weight, whereupon he said, that now he understood the greatness of Rome: At another time he caused to be gathered ten thousand Mice, a thousand Wezels, and a thousand Polecats, which he brought forth in a publick shew to the people, for some wise State-purpose, like the former. Speeds Chron.
He disfigured his faire face with foul tinctures; He slept in the day, transacted affaires in the night.
Being near the Sea, he never tasted fish; nor flesh, when he was farthest in the Continent: He said that fare was best which cost most.
He ridicously wore Jewels, and those curiously engraved, on his feet; as if the rarity of the work could be discerned there. Lamprid. c. 23.
That he might seem magnificent, he drowned Ships in the haven; paying the owners for their fraught: and drew Fishes out of his Ponds with Oxen. Lamprid. c. 32. and 24.
He built stately Bathes, which being but once used were plucked down. Lampr. c. 30.
He said, If he had an heir he would teach him to do as he did.
When he was but a private man, being reproved for his prodigality by a friend, who asked him, Whether he did not fear want hereafter; he answered, What can be better for me then to be heire to my self?
He conferred honours on sordid persons, and put great persons upon mean employments, causing the entrails of the sacrifices to be born by Generals of armies, and the chief Officers of State.
In imitation of Apicius he would frequently eate Camels heels, the combes of Cocks newly cut, the tongues of Peacocks and Nightingales, with the entrails of Mullets, Partridges egges, the heads of Parrats, Pheasants and Peacocks, and the braines of Thrushes and Phoenicopters. Id. ibid. c. 20.
He had served in at a meale the heads of 600. Estridges, onelyonly that he might eat their brains. Id. ib. c. 30.
He fed his horses with grapes, his dogs with Geese livers (a dainty then) Lyons and other beasts with Parrats and Pheasants. Id. ibid. c. 20, and 21.
He often changed his Pallets, and lay not on any couch unlesse it was stuffed with Hares furre, or the feathers under Partridges wings. Id. ib. c. 19.
One day he would eat nothing but Pheasant, another day Chickens, on another this or that Fish, at one time Ostriches, at another Herbs, or Apples, other whiles sweet-meats or white-meats onelyonly. Id. ib. c. 32.
One of his feasts was hardly ended in a day, the several messes being prepared, and eaten successively in the houses of his several friends, one dwelling in the Capitol, another upon mount Caelius, a 3 beyond Tiber, &c. one staying for another, till the dishes went through all their houses. Lampridius c. 30.In parasitas tantùm scelestus nebulo ingeniosus & justus fuisse videtur, saith one.
He tyed his Parasites to a wheele, and turned them up and down in water, calling them his Ixionian friends. Id. ibid. c. 24.
He thrust them also out of his diningroomes, which had deceitfull floores, into chambers filled with roses, that smothered with them, they might meet with the bitternesse of death in sweetnesse. Id. ib. c. 21.
He Tantalized them with mock-feasts in waxe, wood, ivory, marble, glasse; sometimes what himself did eat was woven or wrought with a needle on their Napkins: otherwhiles so many dishes of meat as were provided for him, were painted upon their tables: onelyonly allowing them to drink. Id. ib. c. 26. and 27.
At the 2 and 3 course he caused Beares, Pardals, Lyons and Leopards, which lacked their teeth and clawes, to be brought in suddenly by their Keepers, to terrify them, who were ignorant of their inability to hurt. Lamprid. c. 21.
He shut them up when they were drunk, turning in upon them in the night these disarmed beasts, with the fear of which many dyed. Id. ib. c. 25.
Their yearly salaries were pitchers full of Frogs, Scorpions, Serpents and Flyes. Id. ib. c. 26.
Many times he kept them in their lodgings from night to morning with old Black-moor women, whereas he told them he had provided most beautifull ones for them. Id. ib. c. 30.
When the people had taken up their places before day in the Theatre to behold the sports, he caused Serpents to be thrown among them, whereby many of them were sore bitten and hurt by flight. Lampridius c. 23.
He did fantastically set up a Senate of Women, with sutable Orders, as how to attire, where take place, when salute; but after his death all Women were deprived of that priviledge by the Senate. Id. ib. c. 4. and 18.
He did drive Chariots drawn by Elephants in the Vatican, levelling the tombes which stood in his way; he was also drawn by 4 Camels in the Circus, by 4 Mastives in the Palace, after he was Emperour; by 4 stags in publick, sometimes by Lyons he naming himself Magna Mater, also by Tigers counterfeiting Bacchus, unto whom through his excessive humour of drinking he was something more like: other whiles 4 naked Wenches drew him, he being also naked. Lamprid. c. 23. 28. 29.
He was addicted to divination by inspection of the bowels of young men sacrificed, chusing many fair Gentlemen throughout all Italy, whose Parents were living, that their sorrow might be the greater, Lampridius c. 8.
By perswasion of Maesa his Grand-mother, who pretended to free him from cares of state, he proclaimeth Alexander Severus his Cousin German Caesar, maketh him Consul with himself, and adopteth him for his Son, the Senate ridiculously voting what he commanded, viz. Alex. Severus who was 12 years old, to be the Son of Heliog abalus who was but 16.
He assaying in vain to draw his cousen to his unseemely courses, repented that he had made him his collegue in the Empire; expelled all his Tutors from the Court, and put the chief of them to death: alleadging ridiculously, that the Pedants spoiled his Son, not suffering him to dance and revell, but teaching him to be Modest and use manly exercises. Herodian. l. 5. c. 7. Lamprid. c. 13.
That he revenged himself on none who mocked him upon the reading of Macrinu… his letters against him at Rome: Tristan imputeth to the prudent moderation of Maesa and Eutychianus, by whose means chiefly he got the Empire, whom yet he put to death with cruell ingratitude, onelyonly because he was advised by him to reform.
The Syrian Priests having foretold him that he should dye a violent death, he build a rich and stately Tower whence he might throw himself down; preparing also cords of crimson silk and gold to strangle himself with; rich swords to thrust himself through; keeping poyson in boxes of Emeralds and Jacynth, that he might chuse a death according to his humour: saying, That however he dyed, his death should be glorious in the eyes of men, and such a one as none ever dyed.
But he failed of his hope, though not of his desert; for the Souldiers of his own guard, whom he commanded to make away his Cousin-german, and deface his statues, for the love they bore to Alexander Severus, killed Heliogabalus himself in a privy, whither he fled to escape them.
His body was drawn by a Souldier through all the streets of Rome, like the carkas of a dog, with this military proclamation: The whelp of untamed and ravening lust. At last when the quantity of his body was greater then would enter into the stool of a privy, wherein for the last funerall ceremony it should have been buried, they drew it to Tiber, binding it to an heavy weight, & so cast it into the River, that it might neither float above water nor be buried; he being the only Emperour who was ever so punished.
They did also thrust stakes through the fundament of some of his lewd companions, that their death might be conformable to their life.
It is observable that notwithstanding he not onelyonly permitted, but also encouraged his subjects to live licentiously: moreover was so liberal toward them, that he fed them with most delicate and exquisite meates, gave unto them abundance of mony, and all the plate, were it of gold or silver, wherewith he was served, to them who dined or supped with him, & made many other very sumptuous distributions to the people: yet the Romans nevertheless abhorring in him their own vices, or rather being satiated therewith, slew him as is above mentioned, in the 21 year of his age, when he had reigned 3 years 9 months & 4 dayes.