Life and Death of Mr Hanserd Knollys, Text

Life and Death of Mr Hanserd Knollys · Text

THE LIFE and DEATH OF Mr. Hanſerd Knollys.

I Hanſerd Knollys was Born at Calkwell near Loweth in Lincoln-ſhire, and was removed thence with my Parents to Schartho near Market Grymsby in the ſame County. About the ſixth Year of my Age I fell into a great Pond, and was preſerved from being drowned by the water bearing up my Coats, till my Father came, leaped in, and pulled me out. About the tenth Year of my Age I having conſtrued the 35th. chap. of Jeremiah in my Latin Bible to my Father, he took occaſion to diſſwade me from the love and uſe of ſtrong Drink, and ſaid he would give me 20 l. if I would drink water, but withall told me he would not have me do p. 2it to the prejudice of my Health, and charged me to make no Vow to God ſo to do for I did not underſtand how Sacred a thing a Vow is, and how it did bind the Soul, and it would be Sin not to perform my Vow: whereupon I drunk water eleven years, and never in all that time drank any Wine, nor ſtrong Drink. About that time my Father kept a Tutor in his Houſe, to teach me and my Brother, who was a godly and conſcientious Young Man; He gave us good Inſtructions for our Souls, and convinced us of the Sin of Sabbath-breaking, and of Diſobedience to our Parents. After my Father had preferred our Tutor to a place of greater Profit, we went a little while to Grymsby Free-School, till my Father got another Tutor for us into his Houſe; and one day going to the Free-School we fell out, and fought: upon which I was much convinced that we had ſinned againſt God, and againſt our Father, who had often told us we were Brethren, and ought not to Fall out by the way: And I ſaid, Brother, we have ſinned, come let us be Friends, and pray God to pardon this, and other our Sins; whereupon we both kneeled down upon the plowed Land, and I prayed, wept and made Supplication to God, as well as I p. 3could, and found ſo great Aſſiſtance from God at that time, that I never uſed any ſet Form of Prayer afterwards; which done, we both kiſſed each other, and went to School.

Afterwards I went to Cambridge, and there a godly Miniſter preached on Hoſea the 5th. Chap. and 17. ver. His Doctrine was, That the joyning to Sin by often committing it after Conviction of Conſcience for it, did provoke God to give over many to the power of their Corruptions, and let them alone to dye in their Sins. I was thereby convinced that it was my Caſe, for I had oftentimes broken the Sabbath after Conviction, and I had diſobeyed my Parents, and had often told Untruths. The ſame Lords-day at Night, another godly Miniſter preached at five a Clock upon Eph. 2.3. and thereby I was much more convinced of my ſinful Condition, and that I was a Child of Wrath, without Chriſt and Grace, &c. which Work of Conviction remained ſtrongly upon me above one year, under which I was filled with great Horrour, and fears of Hell, ſore buffettings and Temptations of the Devil, and made to poſſeſs the Sins of my Youth. But yet I prayed daily, heard all the godly p. 4Miniſters I could, read and ſearched the Holy Scriptures, read good Books, got acquaintance with gracious Chriſtians, then called Puritans, kept ſeveral days of Faſting and Prayer alone, wherein I did humble my Soul for my Sins, and begg'd Pardon and Grace of God for Chriſts ſake; grew ſtrict in performing Holy Duties, and in Reformation of my own Life, examining my ſelf every night, confeſſing my Sins, and mourning for them, and had a great Zeal for God, and an Indignation againſt Actual Sins, both committed by my ſelf and others.

June 29th. 1629. I was ordained Deacon, and the next day, June 30th. I was ordained Presbyter by the Biſhop of Peterborow, having Preached above 16 Sermons before I would be Ordained, by way of Tryal of my Ability for that great Work of the Miniſtry.

After my Ordination, the Biſhop of Lincoln gave me a ſmall Living at Humberſtone, where I preached twice every Lords Day, and once every Holy-day: That which made me ſtrict and Laborious in Preaching, was partly the Work of Conviction upon my Conſcience, but more eſpecially a Providential Acquaintance, that I had gotten with a very godly old Widdow p. 5in Gainsburgh, where I taught the Free-School, before I came to Humberſtone, who told me of one called a Browniſt, who uſed to pray and expound Scriptures in his Family, whom I went ſometimes to hear, and with whom I had Conference, and very good Counſel. Whilſt I was at Humberſtone, there lived a very Religious Widow, who falling ſick, ſent for me, and charged me that I would not depart her Houſe on the day-time until ſhe ended or mended, leaſt Satan ſhould tempt her above her ſtrength. The Doctor of Phyſick had given her over, ſome godly Miniſters, Friends and Relations did take leave of her as a Dying Woman. She received nothing for ſeveral days, but a little Julep, which was put into her Mouth with a Spoon, and ran moſt of it out again, lay ſpeechleſs two or three days; her Family mourning over her, and expecting her Death every Hour: I had brought ſome of my Books to her Houſe, and was ſtudying her Funeral Sermon: and when I had almoſt finiſhed the ſame, the Devil ſet upon me with a violent Suggeſtion, That the Scriptures are not the Word of God; He had ſuggeſted this Temptation to me divers Times before, but prevailed not: p. 6Now the Tempter aſſaulted me with this Argument; Whatever you ask in the Name of Chriſt, God will do it, but that Scripture was not true; and if I would put it now upon Tryal, I ſhould find it not to be true, for if I would ask the Womans Life in the Name of Chriſt, God will not do it, and thereby I ſhould know, the Scriptures are not true, nor are they the Word of God, for his Word is true. To which I anſwered, Satan, thou art a Lyar, a Deceiver, and a falſe Accuſer. The Holy Scriptures are the Word of God, and the Scriptures of Truth: And ſeeing thou haſt often tempted me in this kind, and now doſt aſſault me again, that I may for ever ſilence thee, thou wicked and lying Devil, I will truſt in God, and act Faith in the Name of Chriſt in that very Word of his Truth which thou haſt now ſuggeſted. I will leave my Study, and go and pray for her, and believe that God will hear my Prayers thrô the Interceſſion of Jeſus Chriſt, and reſtore her Life and Health, that thou mayſt be found a Lyar: Whereupon I went into the Parlour where ſhe lay ſpeechleſs, without any viſible motion, or uſe of any Senſes; and I locked the Door, and Candles being in the Room, I kneeled down p. 7by her Bed-ſide, and prayed above half an hour, uſing my Voice, and then ſhe began to ſtir, toſs, and ſtruggled ſo much, that I was conſtrained to ſtand up, and holding her in her Bed, ſtill prayed over her: Sathan then gave me a great Interruption, and ſuggeſted to me ſhe was a dying, and theſe were the pangs of Death upon her; I notwithſtanding this Aſſault of the Devil, was aſſiſted by the Holy Spirit to pray and believe ſtill, and in a ſhort time ſhe lay very quietly, and I kneeled down again and prayed fervently, and within half an hour, whilſt I was yet praying, ſhe ſaid, The LORD hath healed me, I am reſtored to Health: Then I returned praiſes to God, and ſhe did joyn with me, lifting up her eyes and hands, ſtill ſaying, I am Healed. Then I roſe up from my knees, and asked her how ſhe did: O Sir, ſaid ſhe, God hath heard your Prayers, and hath made me whole. Bleſſed be his Holy Name. Then I unlocked the Door, and ſome of her Kinſwomen and Servants being at the Door, came in and asked me if ſhe were dead, to whom I anſwered, No. Then they asked me How ſhe did, I bad them go to her and ask her ſelf. She had been ſpeechleſs four days, I told them ſhe could ſpeak now; and p. 8as ſoon as they came to her Bed-ſide, ſhe lift up her ſelf and ſaid, I am well, the Lord hath heard Prayer, and healed me, I am very weak and ſore in my bones, but I am in Health, I pray you give me ſomething to eat; and as ſoon as they brought her ſome broth, ſhe ſat up and eat it, and took ſome of her Julep, and from that time received ſtrength, and the next day ſhe did riſe and walked with a Staff; which being heard of, many godly Miniſters and Chriſtians came to viſit her, and to know the truth of what was told them touching her Recovery: I told them it was not any thing in me, but it was the Lord that had done it for His own Glory; and to ſilence Sathan, who was never ſuffered to tempt me in that kind afterwards; God bruiſed Sathan under my feet, and my Lord Jeſus Chriſt made a conqueſt of him, and gave me the V… ctory, and helped me to give him the Glory of it.

The next Year after this, I Married a Wife, with whom I lived 40 years, by whom I had Iſſue, 7 Sons, and 3 Daughters, who was a Holy, Diſcreet Woman, and a meet Help for me, in the ways of her Houſhold, and alſo in the way of Holineſs; who was my companion in all my Sufferings, p. 9Travels, and Hardſhips that we endured for the Goſpel: She departed this Life the 30th. of April, 1671. in full Aſſurance of Eternal Life and Salvation.

Preſently after I was Married, I was convinced of ſome things about the Worſhip of God (which I had conformed unto,) to be ſinful, to wit, the Surplice, the Croſs in Baptiſm, and admitting wicked perſons to the Lords Supper, whereupon I reſigned my Living to the Biſhop, who offered me a better Living: I told him I could not conform any longer, and would do nothing but preach, which he connived at for two or three Years. Shortly after I was convinced that my Ordination received from the Biſhop was not right, and thô I had preached ſome years by Virtue of that Ordination, I had not received any Seal from Chriſt of my Miniſtry; for thô many had been reformed and moralized, yet I knew not that I had been Inſtrumental to convert any Souls to God: And thereupon I renounced that Ordination, and ſilenced my ſelf, reſolving not to preach any more, untill I had a clear Call and Commiſſion from Chriſt to preach the Goſpel. And to that end I gave my ſelf to Prayer day and night, for ſeveral p. 10weeks together, and at laſt being at Prayer in a Wood at Woodenderby in Lincoln-ſhire, where I had preached before, and prayed with loud cries and tears, that Chriſt would count me worthy, and put me into the Miniſtry, and ſhew me how to glorifie God in the Miniſtry; and thô I was much melted and enlarged in Prayer at that time, yet I had no anſwer from the Lord: After Prayer I walked and meditated under the Wood-ſide till Sun-ſet, and then went homeward, reſolved not to preach, till the Lord made my call to that great Work of preaching the Goſpel clear to me. And as I was going home, an anſwer of my Prayers was given to me in theſe words, Go to Mr. Wheelwright, and he ſhall tell thee, and ſhew thee how to glorifie God in the Miniſtry; but I heard no voice, nor did I ſee any Viſion; only thoſe words were plainly and articulately ſpoken into my Ears and Underſtanding: At which I was aſtoniſhed, and ſaid, Lord let me not be deluded, nor deceived; then was brought to my mind that paſſage of Cornelius ſent to Peter, who ſhould tell him what he ſhould do; whereupon I was fully perſwaded it was an anſwer of my Prayets from the Lord, and I was filled with ſuch joy, that I went on my way rejoycing, p. 11leaping and praiſing God. The next Morning going to ſeek out Mr. Wheelwright, who was a ſilenced Miniſter, whom I had heard of by ſome Chriſtians, that he had been Inſtrumental to convert many Souls, but I knew him not, nor did I know where he was, but I was reſolved to find him out, for I had heard that he was near Lincoln, about 25 miles from me, where he lived privately: And as I was getting up on Horſeback, one of my Neighbours coming by asked me whither I was riding, to whom I ſaid I did not certainly know, I was going to Mr. Wheelwright, who was, as I heard, about Lincoln, No, ſald he, Mr. Wheelwhright and his Family came to dwell at a Village which was but three miles from my houſe, for, ſaid he, I ſaw him come thither but three nights ſince, with his Family and houſhold goods in a Coach and a Wagon. Thither I rid preſently, and found it ſo; and I told Mr. Wheelwright, that yeſternight I was praying as before, and was ſent unto him by the Lord, &c. And after he had asked me many things about the Work of God upon my Soul, and I had told him; he ſaid I could not glorifie God neither in the Miniſtry, nor in any other way or Work for I p. 12was building my Soul upon a Covenant of Works, and was a ſtranger to the Covenant of Grace: At which I was ſtartled, troubled, and ſomewhat amazed, but I told him I was aſſured God had ſent me to him, and by his mouth I ſhould be inſtructed how to glorifie God in the Miniſtry of the Goſpel; and I did earneſtly intreat and beſeech him to apply himſelf to give me his Counſel and directions touching that Matter.

Then Mr. Wheelwright opened to me the Nature of the Covenant of Free Grace, which I confeſſed to him I was a ſtranger to in a great meaſure, having bin only under legal Convictions, and a Spirit of Bondage; and tho' I had ſome diſcoveries of my want of Chriſt, yet I had ſought Righteouſneſs as it were by the Works of the Law, and got my peace by performing duties, and reſted on them. Mr. Wheelwright deſired me to conſider what he had ſaid to me, and to come to him 2 or 3 days after: So I left him at that time, and went home exceeding ſorrowful about my Souls Condition, but I gave my ſelf to Prayer, and begged of God to teach me the Covenant of Grace, and to that end I ſearched the Scriptures, and I heard one Mr. How preach p. 13upon Gal. 2.20. I live by the Faith of the Son of God; whereby I ſaw that I had lived a Life of Works, and not of Faith. Then I began to ſee a neceſſity of believing in Chriſt for pardon and Salvation; and hearing the Miniſter ſay, that Chriſt was the Author, Root, and only Foundation of Saving Faith, and that God did give the Faith of Evidence, Heb. 11.1. in ſome New Covenant Promiſe, Gal. 3.14. and that thoſe Promiſes were given of God, 2 Pet. 1.4. I prayed that Night, and next Morning, and in the night ſeaſon, that God would give me ſuch a promiſe. The next day I locked my ſelf in the Church, and in the Chancel, or Quire ſo called, I prayed very earneſtly, mourning and bemoaning my ſelf and my Souls Condition, fearing, and with great brokenneſs of Spirit, and many tears expreſſed my fears, that God would leave me and forſake me, and then I ſhould utterly periſh for ever: And then that promiſe, Heb. 13.5. I will never leave thee, nor forſake thee, was given me, which Promiſe ſtopt me a little in Prayer, and I brake forth into this kind of Expoſtulation with God, ſaying, Lord who am I! I am a vile ſinful Sinner, the chief of Sinners, moſt unworthy of Pardon and Salvation! How, p. 14Lord! never leave me, nor forſake me? O infinite Mercy! Oh Free Grace! who am I? I have bin a graceleſs Soul, a formal Profeſſor, a legal performer of Holy Duties, and have gone about to eſtabliſh mine own Righteouſneſs, which I now ſee is but filthy Rags, &c. Then God gave me thoſe two Promiſes, Iſa. 43.22, 23, 24, 25. and Iſa. 54.9, 10. and filled my Soul with joy and peace in believing, ſo that I brake forth into praiſes and Thankſgiving.

The next day I went again to Mr. Wheelwright, and told him what God had done for my poor Soul, who ſaid unto me, now I was ſomewhat prepared to preach Jeſus Chriſt and the Goſpel of Free Grace to others, having bin taught it of God, and having heard and learned Jeſus Chriſt my ſelf. And he adviſed me to wait ſtill upon God in Prayer, and Chriſt would appear again to me by his Holy Spirit in his Word, and ſhew me and teach me how to preach; then I went home again, and continued in Prayer: And one day begging earneſtly of God in Prayer, that if he had deſigned me to that great Work of preaching the Goſpel, that then he would give me ſome Teſtimony out of his Holy Word of his calling me thereunto; whereupon thoſe p. 51words were ſpoken by his Spirit to my Heart, Act. 26.16. I have appeared unto thee for this purpoſe, to make thee a Miniſter, and a Witneſs both of thoſe things which thou haſt ſeen, and of thoſe things in which I will appear unto thee; whence I believed that now I had received a Call and Commiſſion from my Lord Jeſus Chriſt to preach the Goſpel of his Free Grace: And I bleſſed God, and expected a further Appearance of Jeſus Chriſt unto me. That Night in my ſleep Chriſt put into my mind, that the next Lords day I ſhould preach on that Text, Rom. 8.1. And he dictated to me in my ſleep, what Doctrine I ſhould preach from that Text. The next day I went and told all this to Mr. Wheelwright, who ſaid, Now my beloved Brother, and Fellow Labourer in the Goſpel of the Grace of God, Chriſt hath given you Authority, a Call and a Commiſſion to preach: I pray you be humble and holy, and delay not to do your Maſters Work, or words to that effect. That Night in my Sleep the Lord taught me more, and the third night alſo; and I retained it all in my Memory, and writ it down, and ſearched the Scriptures, which I received in my ſleep for the Confirmation of my Doctrine: And the p. 16next day being the Lords Day, I preached that which I had received from the Lord, and God made it uſeful and powerful to Converſion, as appeared to me afterwards. Thus I was night by night taught of God to preach the Doctrine of Free Grace, according to the Tenor of the new and everlaſting Covenant for three or four years together, whereby very many Sinners were Converted, and many Believers were eſtabliſhed in the Faith: in which three or four years ſpace I preached in three ſeveral places, at Wood-enderby, at Fulleby on the Hill, and at Wainfleel, where I was ſilenced, and from thence removed to London, and thence to New-England, with my Wife and one Child.

About the Year 1636. I was perſecuted, and proſecuted in the High Commiſſion Court, by vertue of a Warrant wherewith I was apprehended in Boſton, and kept a Priſoner in the Man's Houſe who ſerved the Warrant upon me: But God helped me to convince him, and he was ſo greatly terrified in his Conſcience, that he ſet open his doors and let me go away; but before I went, I tarried ſo long in London, waiting for a paſſage, that when I went aboard I had but 6 braſs farthings left, and p. 17no Silver nor Gold, only my Wife had 5 l. that I knew not of, which ſhe gave me when we came there: By the way my little Child dyed with Convulſion fits, our Beer and Water ſtank, our Bisket was green, yellow and blew, moulded and rotten, and our Cheeſe alſo, ſo that we ſuffered much hardſhip, being 12 weeks in our paſſage; but God was gracious to us, and lead us ſafe thro' thoſe great Deeps, and e're we went aſhore, came one and enquired for me, and told me a Friend that was gone from Boſton to Rode Iſland had left me his houſe to ſojourn in; to which we went, and two Families more with us, who went ſuddenly to their Friends and other Relations in the Countrey, and I being poor was neceſſitated to work daily with my Howe, for the ſpace of almoſt three weeks. The Magiſtrates were told by the Miniſters that I was an Antinomian, and deſired they would not ſuffer me to abide in their Patent: But within the time limited by their Law in that Caſe, two Strangers coming to Boſton from Piſcattuah, hearing of me by a meer Accident, got me to go with them to that Plantation, and to preach there, where I remained about four years, and then being ſent for back to England by p. 18my aged Father, I returned with my Wife and one Child about three years old, and ſhe was great with another Child, and we came ſafe to London on the 24th. of December 1641. in which Year the Maſſacre in Ireland broke forth, and the next Year Wars brake forth in England between King and Parliament: I was ſtill poor, and ſojourned in a Lodging till I had but ſixpence left, and knew not how to provide for my Wife and Child, but having prayed to God, and encouraged my Wife to truſt in God, and to remember former Experiences, and eſpecially that Word of promiſe, God had given us, and would perform to us, Heb. 13.5. having paid for my Lodging, I went out not knowing whither Gods good hand of Providence would lead me to receive ſomething towards my preſent Subſiſtence. And about ſeven or eight doors from my Lodging a Woman met me in the Street, and told me ſhe came to ſeek me, and her Husband ſent her to tell me, that there was a Lodging provided and prepared in his houſe by ſome Chriſtian Friends for me and my Wife: I told her my preſent Condition, and went along with her to her houſe, and there ſhe gave me 20 s. which Dr. Baſtwick a late Sufferer had given her for me, and p. 19ſome Linnens for my Wife, which I received, and told her and her Husband I would fetch my Wife and Child, and lodge there: and ſo I returned with great joy, and my Wife was very much affected with this Mercy and Divine Providence, being ſo ſuitable and ſeaſonable a ſupply unto us, and ſhe ſaid, Oh dear Husband, how ſweet is it to live by Faith, and truſt God upon his bare Word: Let us rely upon him whilſt we live, and truſt him in all Straits; with many ſuch like expreſſions. And after we had returned praiſes to God, we went to our new Lodging, where we found all things neceſſary provided for us, and all charges paid for 15 weeks, and my Wife being bruiſed much on Shipboard, had ſore Labour, and lay under great weakneſs above ten weeks, all which time two Doctors, an Apothecary and a Chyrurgeon did daily attend her, and adminiſtred unto her freely without any Money, and at the end of 16 weeks, we had ſeven pounds that was given us by ſome Chriſtian Friends; I had ſpoken to ſome of thoſe Friends, to get me ſome Scholars, and I would get me a convenient place to teach School, for I had rather work for my Bread, than be maintained by the Charity of good Chriſtians: p. 20One morning came a Friend, and told me, a School-maſter on great Tower-hill dyed laſt night, and if I would come preſently, I might probably get ſome of his Scholars, ſo I went and got three or four Scholars that day, and there I had a great School, and continued till I was choſen Maſter of Mary-Axe Free-School, whither I carried ſixty Scholars from great Tower-hill, and within one year I had above ſeven-ſcore Scholars, and ſixteen Boarders, which Free-School and all the Benefits thereof, I left to go into the Parliaments Army, and preached freely to the common Souldiers, till I did perceive the Commanders ſought their own things more than the Cauſe of God and his People, breaking their Vows and ſolemn Engagements. Whereupon I left the Army, and came to London again; ſhortly after the Committee for plundred Miniſters ſent their Warrant to the then Keeper in Ely-Houſe to apprehend me, and bring me in ſafe Cuſtody before them, who took me out of my Houſe, carried me to Ely-Houſe, and there kept me Priſoner ſeveral days, without any Bail, and at laſt carried me before the Committee: who asked me ſeveral Queſtions, to which I gave them ſober and direct Anſwers. Among p. 21others, the Chairman Mr. White asked me who gave me Authority to preach, I told him the Lord Jeſus Chriſt; then he asked me, if I were a Miniſter; I anſwered, I was made a Prieſt by the Pre…ate of Peterborow, but I had Renounced …hat Ordination, and I did here again Re…ounce the ſame. They asked me by what Authority I preached in Bow-Church, I told them, after I had refuſed the deſire of the then Churchwardens three times one day after another, their want of Supply and Earneſtneſs prevailed with me, and I went …hither: They opened the Pulpit-door, and I went up, and preached upon Iſa. 58. and gave them ſuch an account of that Sermon (thirty Miniſters of the Aſſembly of Divines, then ſo called, being preſent) that they could not gainſay, but bad me withdraw, and ſaid nothing unto me, nor would my Jaylor take any charge of me; for the Committee had called for him, and did chide him, and threaten to turn him out of his Place for keeping me Priſoner ſo many days. So I went away without any blame, or paying of any Fees. Not long …fter I was brought before the Committee of Examinations, being accuſed to them, that I occaſioned great diſturbance to Miniſters p. 22and People in Suffolk; which I gave ſo good and ſatisfactory an Account of to them, that upon their Report thereof to the Houſe of Common…, they Ordered That I might preach in any part of Suffolk when the Miniſter of that place did no… preach: which was all I got for 60 l. which that trouble coſt me to clear my Innocence, and the Honour of the Goſpel, which Expence I put upon Chriſt's ſcore, for whoſe Goſpel, and preaching Jeſus Chriſt upo… that Text, Col. 3.11. But Chriſt is all and i… all; I was ſtoned out of the Pulpit, an… perſecuted at a privy Seſſions, and fetched out of the Country 60 Miles up to London and was conſtrained to bring up four o… five Witneſſes of good Repute and Credit, to prove and vindicate my ſelf from falſe Accuſations. Some time after that I was ſummoned before a Committee in the Chamber (called the Queens Court) at Weſtminſter, whereof Mr. Leigh was Chairman, for preaching without holy Orders. To which I anſwered, that I was in holy Orders: Some of the Committee told rhe Chairman I had Renounced my Ordination by the Biſhop, in the Committee for plundred Miniſters; I confeſſed that I did ſo, but I was Ordained ſince in a Church p. 23of God according to the Order of the Goſpel of Chriſt, the Manner whereof I then declared to the Committee before Mr. Nye and other Miniſters there preſent. But at laſt the Committee, by their Chairman, commanded me to preach no more; I told them I would preach the Goſpel both publickly and from houſe to houſe; for it was more equal to obey Chriſt, who had commanded me, than them who forbid me; and ſo I went away, and ceaſed not to teach and preach Jeſus Chriſt and him crucified. I was then Paſtor to a Church which I had gathered two or three years before, in the year 1645. with whom I have walked ever ſince, except that I was abſent from the Church ſometimes upon juſt Occaſions, and with their leave, or forced from them by violent Perſecution; my chiefeſt means of Livelihood hath been by Teaching School, wherein God was pleaſed to make me ſerviceable in my Generation to communicate liberally to the Poor of the Church, and to Strangers that ſtood in need, and plentifully to provide all things neceſſary and convenient for my Wife and Children, through God's Bleſſing upon my honeſt Labours: I received from the Church always according to their Ability, moſt of p. 24the Members of the Church being poor but I coveted no mans Gold nor Silver, but choſe rather to labour, knowing it is more bleſſed to give than to receive. And I did not wholly neglect my Duty, as a Paſtor, but preached two or three times a week, and viſited the Members of the Church from houſe to houſe, eſpecially when they were ſick. And during twenty five years now paſt, the Church hath continued in the Apoſtles Doctrine, Fellowſhip, and in breaking of Bread, and in Prayer, without Diviſion and Separation of any part thereof, or Party therein: Though ſome few particular Members being led away by ſome Errour in their Judgment, have forſaken the Aſſembling of themſelves with the Church, as the manner of ſome is, and was in the Apoſtles time. In the year 1660. upon Venners Riſing, and others that with him made an Inſurrection in the City of London, my ſelf and many other godly and peaceable perſons, were taken out of their own dwelling houſes, and brought to Woodſtreet-Counter, and many to Newgate, and other Priſons, though we were innocent, and knew not of their Deſign; at which time I ſuffered Impriſonment 18 weeks, till p. 25we were delivered by an Act of Pardon upon the Kings Coronation, unto all Offenders, except Murderers. We were above four hundred Priſoners kept all this time in Newgate, becauſe we refuſed to take the Oaths of Allegiance and Supremacy. After I was ſet at Liberty out of Priſon, I went to Holland, and thence up into Germany, with my Wife and two of my Children, where we ſojourned about two or three years, and in my Abſence one Col. Legge, a Bed-chamber Man, and Lieutenant of the Ordnance, charged me in the Court of Exchequer for keeping a Houſe and Ground from the King, againſt whom I ſtood Suit by my Attorney: But when Col. Legge could not get my Houſe from me by Law, he and ſome others brought ſeveral Red Coat-Souldiers, and took it by force, thruſt out thoſe perſons I had left in Poſſeſſion, and kept Poſſeſſion by Souldiers, both of my Houſe, Garden, and my Goods, which had coſt me above 700 l. with the Purchaſe, bought of the Artillery Company of London, to whom I paid 300 l. and laid out 400 l. more in building upon the Ground, which I had bought and paid for. I had at the ſame time 200 l. in Weavers Hall, which was given away to the King, p. 26among many greater Summs of other mens Money. I ſpent above 150 l. more in Holland and Germany; and when I had ſpent all that, I was forced to ſell all my Goods there, to bring me to England again. In which Return I met with two remarkable Acts of Providence towards me, my Wife and two Children. I had agreed with a Skipper at Cullen in Germany to Rotterdam for a Summ of Money, and he was to pay all the Tolls & Licences which he did at two or three places, till we were come where we were Strangers, and then he made me pay Licences at 2 places, and at a place called Rurote, upon the River Rhyne he made me pay both Toll and Licence, and kept me there two or three days at great Charges; and my Wife being ſet and very ſad in an Harbour or Victualling. houſe, came in a Gentleman, and obſerving of her, asked me what the Gentlewoman ailed, I told him ſhe was my Wife, and he underſtanding the Latin Tongue, a…ked me what the matter was; I told him all my Caſe, and what my Condition was; Well, ſaid he, if you be a Son of Abraham, God will deliver you; and ſo he went into his Chamber, and ſent for the Skipper and Toll Maſters, and cauſed him to produce p. 27our Agreement, and underſtanding how he had wronged one, he being Lord, and Chief, over the Tollmaſters there, he Commanded them to take our Goods from him, and to hire us another Skipper to carry us and our Goods to Rotterdam: And made the Skipper that had done me wrong, to allow me ſo much as I had paid for Licences all the way thither. After we were come to Rotterdam, and my Wife, and Son, and Daughter, were come to England, God made two Catholicks in Cullen, inſtrumental to prevail with the Prince Dewit, to ſend me by a Bill of Exchange 160 Rix-Dollers, for a Houſe that I had Built in his Country, and could not Sell, which I received at Rotterdam; and then came over to England my ſelf, and came to my Wife and Children, whom I found at a Friends Houſe in London. Then I ſet upon teaching School again, and by Gods Bleſſing upon my honeſt Labours, have provided things Honeſt, Neceſſary, and Convenient, for my Family. To my Eldeſt Son, I had given 60 l. per Annum during his Life, which he enjoyed above 21 Years ere he Died. To my next Son, that lived to be Married, I gave the full value of 250 l. in Money, Houſe, School, and Houſhold-Goods, p. 28and left him 50 Scholars in his Schoal-Houſe. To my only Daughter then Living, I gave upon her Marriage above 300 l. in Money, Annuity, Plate, Linnen, and Houſhold-ſtuff, and left her Husband 50 Scholars in the ſaid School-Houſe, in Partnerſhip with my ſaid Son. To my youngeſt Son, that lived to be Married, I gave more than 300 l. Sterling, beſides it coſt me above 60 pounds in his Apprenticeſhip, and 40 l. afterwards.

Thus my Heavenly Father made up my former Loſſes, with his future Bleſſings, even in outward Subſtance, beſides a good increaſe of Grace, and Experience, in the ſpace of 40 years, that I and my dear faithful Wife Lived together; we removed ſeveral times with our whole Family, whereof once from Lincolnſhire to London, and from London to New-England: Once from England into Wales; twice from London into Lincolnſhire, once from London to Holland, and from thence into Germany, and thence to Rotterdam, and thence to London again. In which Removings, I gained great Experiences of Gods Faithfulneſs, Goodneſs, and Truth, in his great and precious Promiſes: And I have gained ſome experience of my own hearts deceitfulneſs, p. 29and the power of my own Corruptions, ond the reigning power of Chriſt, and his Captivating and ſubduing my Sins, making Conqueſts of the Devil, World, and Sin, and then giving me the Victory: And cauſing me to Triumph, and to bleſs his moſt Holy Name. Three things made my latter Sufferings very eaſy to be endured. 1. The former Straits and Hardſhips, which I had undergone with patience. 2. The preſent lively acts and exerciſe of Grace, eſpecially Faith, and Hope, under thoſe latter and greater Tryals. 3. The Light of Gods Countenance, and the full aſſurance of his Love, and of eternal Life. I would not want thoſe experiences and teachings, that my Soul hath enjoyed for all that ever I ſuffered.

My Wilderneſs-Mercies, Sea-Mercies, City-Mercies, and Priſon-Mercies, afforded me very many and ſtrong Conſolations. The Spiritual ſights of the Glory of God, the Divine ſweetneſs of the Spiritual and Providential preſence of my Lord Jeſus Chriſt, and the joyes and comforts of the Holy and Eternal Spirit, communicated to my Soul, together with ſuitable …nd ſeaſonable Scriptures of Truth, have …o often, and ſo powerfully revived, refreſhed, p. 30and ſtrengthened my heart in the days of my Pilgrimage, Tryals, and Sufferings, that the Sence, yea, the Life and ſweetneſs thereof abides ſtill upon my heart, and hath engaged my Soul to live by Faith, to walk humbly, and to deſire and endeavour to excell in Holineſs, to Gods Glory and the example of others. Though I confeſs many of the Lords Miniſters, and ſome of the Lords people have excelled and outſhined me, with whom God hath not been at ſo much coſt nor pains, as he hath been at with me. … am a very unprofitable Servant, but yet, by Grace, I am what I am. In the beginning of my Miniſtry, I Studied in the Forenoon, and Viſited my Religious acquaintance in the Afternoon, and ſome of my natural Relations. I did Preach conſtantly twice, often 3 times, and ſome Lords days 4 times; at Holton at 7 in the Morning, at Humberſton at 9, at Seartho at 11, at Humberſton at 3 a Clock, all in the ſame day; I alſo Preached every Holiday once, at every Burial, Poor or Rich. And I have moſt commonly Preached 3 or 4 times every Week, if in any meaſure of Health, for above 40 years togather, except now and then, I got ſome other p. 31Godly Man to Preach for me, but rarely. When I was in Priſon, I did Preach uſually every day, if well. And God was pleaſed to confirm my Call unto that great Work, 1. By the Converſion of many Sinners, who having declared the dealings of God with their Souls, teſtified, God did convince them, convert them, and eſtabliſh many of them by my Miniſtry, through the powerful and effectual Operation of his Holy Spirit, and Word preached by me unto them. 2. By ſome healing power of God, put forth upon the ſick and infirm Bodies of ſeveral perſons, who were ſuddainly reſtored to health, immediately in time of Prayer with them, or by and through Faith in Jeſus Chriſt, eſpecially in this City of London, and of the Sickneſs called the Plague, both in former years, and in the year 1665. Not to me, but to God, be given Glory and praiſe, for in his Name, through Faith in his Name, they were healed. 3. By inabling me, ſtanding by me, and ſtrengthning me, by his Holy Spirit, and ſanctifying Grace, to preach the Goſpel in ſeaſon, and out of ſeaſon, with all boldneſs, neither being aſhamed, nor afraid to bear my Teſtimony for Chriſt, his Goſpel, p. 32Churches, Miniſtry, Worſhip, and Ordinances, againſt the Antichriſtian Powers, Miniſters, Worſhippers, and Traditions of the Beaſt, the great myſtical Whore, and the falſe Prophet. Nor have I been terrified by the Adverſary: By virtue of the Acts of Parliament, touching private Meetings and Conventicles, Commencing May the 10th. 1670. I was taken at a Meeting in George-yard, and the then Lord Mayor committed me to the Compter in Biſhops gate for preaching there, but having Favour in the Eyes of the Keepers, I had liberty to preach to the Priſoners there, twice every day of the Week, in the common Hall, where moſt of the Priſoners came and heard me, and ſome of them bleſſed God, that ever I came to that Priſon. Soon after I was ſet at Liberty, at the Seſſions in Old-Baily, God made me his Priſoner, by a ſharp and painful Diſtemper in my Bowels, called the griping of the Guts, and he brought me near to the Grave. But in time of my greateſt Extremity, God remembred Mercy, forgave mine Iniquity, healed my Diſeaſe, and reſtored my Life from Death. No Tongue can expreſs my pains, yet God gave me much patience, wherein I poſſeſſed p. 33my Soul. I had, 1. A very clear Diſcovery from the Lord of the Cauſe, why he ſo contended with me; one was the meritorious Cauſe of ſome former Viſitations, and eſpecially of this ſore Diſeaſe. 2. I ſaw the Sin of my ſinful Nature, which was not ſo Crucified, as that it was deſtroyed, but I found ſome motions of it of late ſtirring in my ſinful heart. The Sence of this was a very ſore burden and trouble to my Soul in this day of my Calamity, for which I mourned in ſecret before the Lord, and lay at the Throne of Grace loathing my ſelf, and begging, that God would kill that Sin, and deſtroy it, and all the reſt of my Sins. And received this anſwer, his Grace was ſufficient for me, he had pardoned and he would ſubdue, and deſtroy that and all other mine Iniquities, according to his everlaſting Covenant of free Grace. Satan was ſometimes very buſy during this time of Sickneſs, and tempted me ſorely in the Night ſeaſon, ſometimes ſuggeſting to me, that I was but an Hypocrite, at other times, that my Evidences for Heaven were not good, whom God helped me to reſiſt ſteadfaſtly in the Faith, and he fled away. Another cauſe why the Lord p. 34now contended with me, was for the Tryal and Exerciſe of my Graces, which he had given me. It was the Tryal of my Faith, and the exerciſe of my Patience, and that I might be to his praiſe, and an example unto weak Believers, whoſe Eyes were upon me, and were obſerving and hearkning how I did behave my ſelf, under all the great Rebukes and Chaſtiſements of the Lord upon me. For they had heard, that God had taken one Grand-Child away by Death, and Viſited another, who was above 16 years old with the Small-pox, and ſhe was likely to die, and one Son died and was Buried during my Sickneſs; and mine Eldeſt Son was dead and Buried in the Country, whereof I was told before I was Recovered; my other Sons Wife had ſore Labour, a Dead-Man-Child, and ſhe likely to die: And my dear loving Wife, then began to be ſorely afflicted with a pain and ſwelling in her Face, of which ſhe ſince Died.

But God did give a proportionable meaſure of Faith and Patience to me his poor unworthy Servant, under all this his fatherly Chaſtiſements: He did ſtrengthen me with ſtrength in my Soul, and upheld me with p. 35the right hand of his Righteouſneſs; ſo that I fainted not, nor was I weary: His Rod and his Staff did comfort me; He brought out my Will unto a free Submiſſion, Subjection, and Reſignation to his own moſt wiſe and holy Will. Yea, my Facher's Viſitations did ſo preſerve my Soul, that I did ſing and rejoyce under the ſights and ſmiles of Chriſt, even whilſt I was ſighing and ſorrowing for my tranſgreſſions.

Two learned, well practiſed, and judicious Doctors of Phyſick had daily viſited me, and conſulted my Cure, ſereral days together, and I was fully perſwaded, that they did what poſſibly they could to effect a Cure: And knew alſo, that God did not ſucceed their honeſt and faithful Endeavours with his Bleſſing. Although God had given a ſignal and ſingular Teſtimony of his ſpecial Bleſſing by each of them unto others of their Patients, at leaſt ſixteen at the ſame time; I reſolved to take no more Phyſick, but would apply to that holy Ordinance of God appointed by Jeſus Chriſt, the great Phyſician of value, Jam. 5.14, 15. And I got Mr. Kiffin & Mr. Vavaſor Powel, who prayed over me, and anointed me with Oyl in the Name of the Lord: And the Lord did hear Prayer, and p. 36heal me. For there were very many godly Miniſters and gracious Saints, that prayed day and night for me (with ſubmiſſion to the Will of God) that the Lord would ſpare my life and heal me, and make me more uſeful and ſerviceable to the Lord, to the Church, and to the Saints; whoſe Prayers God heard, and as an Anſwer of their Prayers, I was perfectly healed, but remained weak long after. My dear Wife remained weak and full of pain, and was very greatly afflicted with pain day and night, but the Lord gave her a great meaſure of Faith and Patience even to the end; She enjoyed the Light of Gods Countenance, had full Aſſurance of Gods Love, the Pardon of her Sins, and of eternal Life; And having patiently endured ſix months ſore pains, upon the thirtieth of the ſecond month called April, 1671. being the Lords Day, about four or five a clock, ſlept in Jeſus: I was doing my Maſters Work at that time in the Congregation; and toward the end of my Sermon, had a ſtrong impulſe upon my Spirit, That my dear Wife was departing, and in my Prayer after Sermon was drawn forth by Faith to commend her to God that gave her me, and bleſſed him for receiving her Soul into Abrahams p. 37boſom, and placing her among the Spirits of juſt men made perfect in the Paradiſe of God.

Since the death of my dear Wife, it hath pleaſed God to ſtretch forth his Hand upon my only Son then living, and to afflict him with a deep Conſumption, occaſioned, as I judge, by Grief for his dearly loving and beloved Mother, for he drooped ever ſince ſhe firſt was taken ill of that Diſtemper of Rhume, which fell from her Head into her Face, of which ſhe dyed: And he hath been worſe and worſe ever ſince ſhe dyed. And I having had great Expences and a great Charge of dear Relations, and owing ſome conſiderable debts, I was neceſſitated to teach School again in my old Age; That I might pay my Debts, ſuccour my dear Relations, and not be too great a burden to the Church of God: And this I have willingly and chearfully undertaken, that if Perſecution do come upon me again (which I expect and prepare for) and I ſhall be haled to priſon, or forced to flye: It may be my Mercy and Comfort as at all other times of my many removals in the days of my Pilgrlmage and Perſecutions; That no perſon ſhall have any occaſion to come to me and ſay, Pay me what p. 38you owe me before you go; for I deſire to owe no man any thing but Love, and honeſtly to pay every man his own. And if Death ſeize on my body, that I may leave enough of my own behind me to pay all my Debts, and a little for the Relief of Gods Poor, and ſome of my pooreſt natural Relations. I had a Summoning in June laſt to prepare my ſelf for the Grave by a ſudden and ſore Fit of the Wind-Cholick and Vomiting. And on the 3d of October laſt, 1671. I had another Summons to be ready to depart this life by another ſudden more violent tormenting Fit of the Wind-Cholick and Vomiting. And I am alarmed by theſe awakening Viſitations of the Lord to prepare and be ready; That when my Lord and Maſter comes or calls for me to come to him, I may be found ſo doing, that he may ſay, Well done, thou good and faithful Servant, enter thou alſo into the Joys of thy Maſter.

The next Tryal my heavenly Father ſaw needful for me to be exerciſed under, was the Sickneſs and Death of my then only living Son, my Iſaac, my moſt loving and beloved Son, who was tranſlated the 15th. day of November, 1671. which great Tryal and Loſs God made gain to him, and eaſie to me by a manifeſt and powerful Work p. 39of Converſion, Repentance and Faith upon his Soul in the time of his Sickneſs, which adminiſtred much Comfort to me, ſo that I ſorrowed not for him as one without hope, who exerciſed very great patience under his very great pain, ſoreneſs, and burning Feaver, whilſt his fleſh, marrow, and moiſture conſumed, and acted Faith and Hope very lively and conſtantly upon Chriſt in that Word, John 6.37. And him that cometh to me, I will in no wiſe caſt off: Very often expreſſing his former bondage and ſlavery to Sin and Sathan, which he bewailed; and acknowledged often Gods free and rich Grace in giving him Chriſt and Pardon and Salvation now at laſt, which he had neglected the Offers and Tenders of ſo often. Some Combats he had, but after a manifeſtation of Chriſt to his Soul, he dyed in Faith and Peace.

And albeit my natural Affections cauſed me to weep often, and the ſenſe of Gods Hand & Rod upon me, cauſed me to mourn very much in ſecret; yet the Almighty by his Rod and Staff did ſo comfort me, that I walked through this Valley alſo of the ſhadow of Death without fear of Evil, and was aſſiſted and enabled to perform the Work of my Miniſtry in the Congregation p. 40without any omiſſion or interruption. And that very Night my only Son dyed, the Lord brought to my mind that Scripture, Mic. 7.14. Feed thy people with thy Rod; which was made a ſeaſonable, ſuitable, and powerful Word by the Teachings of the holy Spirit unto my Soul, in my ſolitary Condition: Who thus adminiſtred Food, yea and a Feaſt alſo to my Soul. For by this Rod of God, I had ſerved into my Soul a Diſh of ſour or bitter Herbs, I mean ſorrow for my ſins; but I fed alſo on the Paſchal Lamb, in whole blood I ſaw all my ſins waſhed away: And the Spirit of God witneſſed with my Spirit, that I was the Child of God, and one of thoſe Children, with whom God will keep Covenant, and not take away his Love from me, though he viſited my Tranſgreſſions with the Rod, and mine iniquities with ſtripes, Pſal. 89.28—34. which Scripture was then brought again with power upon my Heart. The next Diſh of ſpiritual Food under this Rod which God brought me, or ſent me by his Spirit in his Word to feed upon, was full of Love; Then that holy Scripture came to me, not in word only, Rev. 3.19, 20. but in Power and in the Spirit, and in much Aſſurance; wherein p. 41in he ſhewed me his Face, and I ſaw my Fathers Face in that Glaſs of the Goſpel, Heb. 12.6, 7. which the holy Spirit held forth to me by this Rod, and ſhed abroad in my heart the Love of the Father in his Son Jeſus Chriſt. After this the next day God gave me a Diſh of ſpiritual Fruits by this Rod to feed upon, ſerved up in that holy Scripture, No affliction at the preſent is joyous, but grievous; but the fruit thereof ſhall be peace and righteouſneſs to them that have been exerciſed therein. And after God had thus fed me, feaſted me ſeveral days and nights together with this his Rod, he very graciouſly pronounced his Bleſſing upon me by his Rod, in theſe words; Bleſſed is the man whom thou correcteſt and teacheſt out of thy Law or Word, unto which I was helped heartily to ſay Amen: It's good for me to be, and that I have been afflicted, &c. And after God had communed with me from his Mercy-ſeat, and had inſtructed me, I experienced ſuch Divine Loves, ſhinings, and ſpiritual ſweetneſs, as Jonathan did when he taſted a little Honeydew on the End of the Rod in his hand; and was enlightned and refreſhed. So that I was enlivened, or revived, fed and feaſted by the Rod and Word, even the Bond p. 42of Gods everlaſting Covenant of free Grace, and Love.

About 4 or 5 months after the Death of my Son, his Wife married a Gentleman of 300 l. per annum, and left me engaged to receive and pay all my Sons Debts; and to preſerve his Credit and his Wife's, I borrowed 200 l. to help to pay his Debts, and ſuffered the loſs thereof, which neceſſitated me ſtill to keep School to pay my Debts: And I having a Granddaughter with me three years before, ſhe being nineteen years old, did take the Charge of my Houſhold-affairs, and of my Boarders, who managed all things with ſo much diſcretion, that my life was very comfortable, and I had great Content. In Septemb. 1672. my only Daughters Huſband went by her conſent into the Country, and left her.

Thus far was written with his own hand; and there we muſt be forced to break off, tho' abruptly, the remaining part of his Life, written by himſelf, as this was, being, as Mr. Kiffin mentions in his Preface, unhappily loſt: which, becauſe 'tis …mpoſſible to be ſupplied by any Hand ſo particularly as his own, muſt be done in general, by letting the Chriſtian Reader know, That p. 43this holy Man's Life was all of a piece, and that he maintained his Zeal, Fidelity, and Integrity in the latter part of it, as well as in the former, even to the end of it. He was not very long ſick; not keeping his Chamber above five weeks, nor his Bed above ten days. All the time of his Sickneſs he behaved himſelf with extraordinary Patience, and Reſignation to the Divine Will, longing to be diſſolved, and to be with Chriſt; not ſo much to be freed from Pain and Trouble, as from Sinning; which he expreſſed to one with him, with a more than ordinary Tranſport of Joy. A little before his Death, he wrote the following Epiſtle, which he left as his laſt Legacy to the Church.