The True Interest of Families, Title page – Preface
THE TRUE Intereſt of Families: OR, DIRECTIONS HOW PARENTS May be happy in their Children, AND CHILDREN In their PARENTS.
To which is annexed a Diſcourſe about the Right Way of Improving our Time.
By a Divine of the Church of England.
With a Preface by A. HORNECK, D. D.
London: Printed for J. Taylor, at the Ship in St. Paul's Church-yard; and J. Everingham, at the Star in Ludgate-ſtreet, 1692.
THE PREFACE.
THE Author of the enſuing Treatiſe, having thought fit to recommend his Papers to …ty peruſal, I was willing to uſher …hem into the World, with ſome remarks upon his pious deſign, and the uſefulneſs of Tracts of this nature.
The plainneſs of the ſtile muſt be no diſcouragement to the Reader, nor muſt Truth be therefore laid by, becauſe it comes not dreſt in a Veſture of Gold, or wants the Curioſities of Embroidery.
Truth needs no borrow'd Beams, its natural Light is enough to ſtrike the Senſes. If it be Truth, it is no matter whether it's preſented in an Earthen Veſſel, or in a Silver Diſh.
The ſerving of it up according to the Mode, may indeed pleaſe ſickly Fancies, but is no great Charm or Motive to inquiſitive, or rational Men, who love Beauty without painting; and are more taken with the natural mixture of white and red, than with all the artificial Waſhes, which are uſed to make the Features amiable.
Plat. l. 2. de Republ. Ariſtot. l. 6. Politic. c. 1.The Welfare of a Common-Wealth doth in a great meaſure depend upon the Duties of the Relatives here treated of, and did Parents and Children conſcientiouſly diſcharge all the Obligations incumbent upon them by the Law of God, and Nature, the World could not be ſo wicked as it is. Education makes the firſt impreſſions upon the Souls of Men, and were care taken, that the ground be impregnated with good Seed, ſuch a Harveſt might be expected from it, that Poſterity might be the better for it.
I am ſenſible that Converſation and the Humour of the Age, is apt to make ſtrange alterations in the Principles we imbibe, yet ſomething will ſtick, and when the thoughts are cool, and Men come to reflect, the Principles they have learned when the wax was ſoft, will recoil, and oblige them to return to their Duty.
Of this we have experience; and though there is no rule ſo general, but admits of exceptions, yet it's enough that this effect doth frequently appear, which is no inconſiderable Motive to the ſerious conſideration of a thing of this importance.
It was a wiſe anſwer, which one of the LXXII. Interpreters gave to Ptolemaeus Philadelphus, who asked him, what was the greateſt negligence? The neglect, ſaith he, of the good Education of Children. It is ſo, and the hurt that's done by it, both to them, and to the Publick, is unſpeakable.
Whence is it that there are ſo many Prodigals? that ſo many come to an untimely end? that ſo many run into exceſſes, which deſtroy both Soul and Body? From want of pious Education.
It was a ſevere Cenſure, which Carneades the Philoſopher paſſed upon the Children of Rich Men, that they learned nothing but to ride well.
Indeed it is to be wondered, that Rational Creatures ſhould be ſo careful to breed up their Progeny to ſenſuality, and neglect the cultivation of that which makes them differ from Bruits, and ſhews, they are Creatures of a nobler extract: Can any thing be more reaſonable, than virtue and the fear of God? Is not this it, which both Scripture and Philoſophy teaches? Do not we our ſelves confeſs ſo much, and do not moſt Men acknowledge it when they come to dye? And yet that we ſhould make this the leaſt part of our care in the Education of Youth, is wondrous ſtrange!
Some ſeem to fancy, that ſending their Children to School, or to teach them their Catechiſm, is all the Care that is incumbent upon them. Though I cannot ſay, but that this is a Duty, yet it is ſo imperfect, that I can ſcarce honour it with the Title of doing it by halves, it being but the beginning, or the leaſt part of it. Inſtruction, Precept, and Example are the mighty Engines and Inſtruments in the promoting and accompliſhing this Work; and perhaps nothing hath a greater influence than Example; for all the Moral Precepts of the Parents, are like Water ſpilt upon the Ground, where Example doth not concomitate the inſtruction.
How ſhall the Child learn Sobriety, where the Father is often drunk? Or how is it poſſible, the young man ſhould be meek and patient, where the Father is Cholerick, and hath no command of his paſſion? I do not reſtrain the Grace of God, and am ſenſible, that the very impiety of the Parents hath ſometimes contrary Effects upon certain Children, and they learn to be good by the Wickedneſs of their Superiors; but this is an extraordinary Providence, which God exerts ſometimes to manifeſt his Omnipotence, and to let men ſee that he can bring light out of darkneſs, but the ordinary way of Edifying thoſe under our Charge, is to teach them by Example.
And though even this proves ineffectual ſometimes, yet it's enough that it is our Duty, and that we have diſcharged it, and have taken that way which was moſt rational, and of God's preſcription.
Hierom Ep. 7. ad Laetam.I am ſo pleaſed with St. Ierom's Advice to Laeta concerning the Education of her Daughter, that I cannot forbear to tranſcribe part of it.
I will let you ſee, ſaith he, what Education you are to give to a Daughter, whoſe Soul ought to be the Temple of God. Let her hear nothing, learn nothing, ſpeak nothing, but what may inſpire the fear of God into her. Let her not liſten to prophane Diſcourſes, nor be enamoured with Love Songs or amorous Ditties. Let her uſe her ſelf at certain hours, to ſing Pſalms; let none be about her, but ſober Servants, and keep her from running into Company light and vain, where ſhe will learn more ill than good. Uſe her to reading, and to work, and labour, and promiſe her Rewards, and incite her to Emulation; excite her to Virtue by praiſes and Commendations, and make her ambitious to excel others in Virtue and good Works. Let her learn Scripture Sentences by heart, and chuſe her a Maſter, that may not only teach her to read, but inſtruct her in good manners. Give her a Nurſe neither debaucht nor tatling, nor given to ſtrong Liquors; and let her Habit be modeſt, and ſuch as becomes her Chriſtian Profeſſion. Let her not bore Holes in her Ears for Pendants, neither let her uſe any Paint or Waſh to beautifie her ſelf. Let her not be nice in ordering the Hair of her Head, neither ſuffer her to adorn her ſelf with Gold or Pearls or precious Stones, except you deſign her for Hell fire: When ſhe comes to riper age, let her go with her Parents to the Temple, but let her not return to the Gayeties of the World. Adviſe her to keep her ſelf in her Chamber, and let her not go to Feaſts, and merry Meetings. I would not have her uſe too much Faſting and Abſtinence, which may hurt her health, at leaſt till ſhe be ſtronger, and better able to bear it. Let her uſe God's Creatures for neceſſity, and not for voluptuouſneſs ſake. Suffer her not to be at Muſical concerts, nor to be fond of Fiddles, and Lutes, and Harps, but let her repeat every day ſome paſſages out of the Word of God. Let her not go abroad any where without her Mother, nor be very familiar, or enter into intreagues with any Servant. Appoint her a Governeſs that's ſage and wiſe, and who may teach her to riſe at midnight, to ſing Praiſes to her God. Let her pray and work Day and Night. Teach her to handle her Needle, to ſpin and to exerciſe her ſelf in turning the Spindle. Suffer her not to imploy her ſelf in Imbroideries of Gold and Silver. Let her Clothes be plain and decent, and let her eat ſoberly and temperately, and let her not take plea… page missing
I know what will be objected here, that this is the advice of a Hermit, and to teach a Daughter how to be a Nun. But ſtill I appeal to any unprejudiced perſon, whether this be not the moſt likely way to Salvation, and whether theſe Precepts be not agreeable to the Goſpel of Chriſt? And though I will grant, that all are not under the ſame Circumſtances, and all cannot give the ſame Education; yet as to the principal part of the advice, which is to teach Children by Word and Example, how to die to Sin and to the World, it muſt be granted it's very practicable. This Age indeed hath learnt to ſhake off theſe ſtricter Rules, but they ſhould ſhew us too, what Warrant they have from the Word of God to do ſo.
It was judiciouſly obſerved of Fabius, that a ſoft and effeminate Education, breaks the ſtrength of Body and Mind, and whilſt we breed up Children to all the Arts of Vanity and Luxury, they continue ſtrangers to God and to themſelves.
The Vine grows wild, if it be not cut; ſo doth Youth, if they be not betimes curbed in things which war againſt the Soul.
Ʋnderſtand this, ye Parents, and be inſtructed, ye to whom God hath committed the care of Education; ye are God's Stewards, and your Children are the Goods you are to manage to your Maſter's Glory. Their blood God will require at your hands. Have not ye read the Curſe God pronounced againſt Eli for his negligence, and are not ye afraid of the ſame Judgment? Ye are the perſons by whom your Children muſt be taught to ſerve God in their Generation; ye are the perſons from whom they are to learn their Duty to God and Man; at your door the fault will lie, if they miſcarry through your careleſneſs. Are their Souls ſo contemptible in your eyes, that you will let them periſh for want of Admonition? Did Chriſt think them worth purchaſing with his own Blood, and will ye let them lie without fence or wall, or cultivation?
You take care that they may live comfortably in this World: Is it not a greater Duty to beſtir your ſelves, that they may enjoy God for ever? It is joy to you to ſee them do well here, and ought it not to be a greater joy to find, that they are like to reign with Chriſt and his Saints in a better World? You love them, but how doth it appear you do, while you let their Souls die? Is this your Love, to provide for their fleſh, and to neglect enriching their better part with religious Principles? You would have them go to Heaven when they die; but how is it poſſible they ſhould, when you are loth to be at the trouble to ſhew them the way that leads to that Paradiſe? Was ever any man ſaved without Holineſs, and do you hope they will be, without this qualification? If you teach them not by Word and Example to practiſe that Holineſs, how can you or they hope to aſcend into the Mount of God, or dwell on the everlaſting Hills?
Do you believe a future Account, and do not ye enquire, whether you diſcharge your Duty to your Children? Or is this no part of the Account ye are to give? Ye are the perſons who are to breathe goodneſs into them, and to give them life and happineſs. Ye are their Gods, as it were, and from you they receive their motion; and their ſpiritual as well as their natural life muſt begin from you. Ye are Magiſtrates in your Families, and it is your Province to be a terrour to evil doers, and Encouragers of thoſe that do well.
If by your indulgence they ſin, and by your connivence they grow wicked, will not the ſupreme Judge be avenged on ſuch Officers? You blame Governours of a Commonwealth, if they do not adnimadvert on Offenders, or are regardleſs of the reins of Juſtice; and do not you blame your ſelves, who are Commanders in your Families, for ſuffering the fear of God to decay there, which is the only thing that can make them happy?
How is it, that you will not underſtand your intereſt? Is it not your intereſt to educate them into the Practice of Virtue, and Goodneſs, and Self-denial? If they love God, they muſt needs love you, that love will conſtrain them to expreſs their Duty to you. The Preſence of God will over-awe them, and they'l obey you, not with eye-ſervice, but when your eye is off from them. The fear of God will make them conſcientious of obeying your Commands in ſecret; and if your good Counſels and Examples prevail with them, they will be not only your Children, but the Children of God; and you will have this ſatisfaction, that you do not only love them, but that God loves them, and dwells in them, and they in him.
Remember this, ye that are Children, and let this encourage you to a faithful diſcharge of your Duty. Your Parents, that under God gave you life, have a juſt Right to your Services and Obedience. You are born Servants to them, and to be at their beck and command is the obligation you bring with you into the World. As the Authority of Parents was the firſt Government in the World, ſo your ſubjection to them is the firſt Service that was ever known in the World. Can you think any thing too good for them, who are the great Inſtruments of conveying to you all the goods you poſſeſs, and all the endowments you are inveſted with?
If you follow not their good Inſtructions and Admonitions, ye are the greateſt Rebels in the World, and the ſin is as great a Treaſon in the Family you live in, as Sedition in a Kingdom is againſt the State. You have the nobleſt Promiſes made you to reward your Obedience; and though it is a natural Duty bound up with your very Being, yet God will reward it as if it were a deliberate ſelf-denial; and becauſe you ſhall not ſtay for the recompence, God will bleſs you here, and your lives ſhall be comfortable on this ſide Heaven. It is the firſt Commandment in the Law with Promiſe; and to let you ſee how God delights in your honouring your Parents, and obeying their wholeſom Counſels, he hath ſingled out that Precept, and dreſs'd it with more than ordinary encouragements.
But then, the Honour you ſhew them, muſt not ſpend it ſelf in ſome outward Civilities, but muſt be expreſſed in Actions, in Speeches, and in Patience, according to the Advice of the Son of Syrach, Eccleſiaſtic. 3.12, 13, 14.
In Actions, ſo as to execute their lawful Commands with great alacrity and fidelity, to labour, and to take pains for their maintenance and ſupport, if they are fallen to decay, and to relieve their neceſſities, according to your ability.
In Words and Speeches, ſo as to ſpeak honourably of them, to anſwer them with humility, to comfort them when they are in trouble, and to pacifie them with ſoft language, when they are angry and diſpleaſed.
In Patience, ſo as to bear their anger patiently, and to endure their frowardneſs and pettiſhneſs without contradiction; to receive their ſeverer Commands, and ſuch as are contrary to your genius and inclination, with gentleneſs, and to do them without murmuring.
Theſe are Duties which draw more than ordinary Bleſſings upon you, God that ſees you do ſo, will have thoughts of peace towards you; he will be concerned for you, and you may be confident, he will not leave you, nor forſake you.
In honouring your Parents, you honour your ſelves. It's that which will not only procure you favour with God, but with men too. It's upon this account, that Wiſe men have recorded the Dutifulneſs of ſome excellent Children, and made them immortal by their Writings; and there are ſuch Examples of this filial Reſpect, even among the Heathen, that it would be odious and dreadful, if the Children of Chriſtians ſhould fall ſhort of their Duty.
God lays ſo great a ſtreſs upon it, that as he promiſes the kindeſt things to it, ſo he threatens as ſevere puniſhments, where it is neglected; and that he doth not only threaten, but execute theſe Judgments, any man may ſee, that will take notice of his Providences. But all this the Reader will be more fully convinced of, by reading the following Diſcourſe, which, that God may bleſs with ſucceſs and edification, ſhall be my hearty Prayer.
A. Horneck.
ADVICE TO PARENTS.
BY A Divine of the Church of England.
LONDON, Printed for S. Lowndes near the Savoy-Gate in the Strand. 1690.