The True Interest of Families, Part 2
Advice to Parents.
PART II.
The Duties of Parents as to their Childrens Bodies.
HAving treated of the Duty of Parents towards their Children, as to their Souls, the better part; I ſhall next ſhew what their Duties are, as to the Bodies of their Children.
Firſt, It belongs to the Mother to give ſuck to her Children;1. Duty, it belongs to the Mother to give ſuck to her Children. unleſs ſome bodily imperfection, great weakneſs, or ſickneſs, or her circumſtances in the World, make it impoſſible, or very dangerous and inconvenient both for her and the Children, or for either. For this end it is that God hath given Breaſts unto Women, and cauſed the Milk to flow into them, that there may be nouriſhment ſuitable to the tender Infants in a readineſs for them. Neither can we ſuppoſe any other body capable of ſhewing equal Care and Love to the Children, with that which it is natural for the Mother to expreſs to the Fruit of her own Womb. Beſides this, it cannot well be imagined, that the Milk of any other Body can be ſo fit for the Child as its own Mothers, if ſhe be but in tolerable Health. Even amongſt the Heathens, they were accounted but half Mothers, who neglected to give Suck to their Children. An ancient Author amongſt the Heathens, ſpeaking on this Subject, ſaith*Aulus Gellius, lib. 12. cap. 1. Quod eſt enim hoc contra naturam, imperfectam atque dimidiatum matris genus?, How unnatural a thing is this, how imperfect, and only to be a Mother by halves, having brought forth a Child, preſently to throw it away? having nouriſhed in her Womb ſomewhat that ſhe could not ſee, not now to nouriſh it with her Milk, when ſhe ſees it alive, and calling for her aſſiſtance?
We ſee likewiſe that Nature hath impreſſed on the moſt Savage and Wild Creatures a readineſs to draw out their Breaſts to their young.Peperiſſe, ac ſtatim ab ſeſe abjeciſſe? aluiſſe in utero, ſanguine ſuo, neſcio quid, quod non videret? non alere nunc ſuo lacte quod videat, jam viventem? jam hominem? jam matris officia implorantem? Lam. 4.3. Even the Sea Monſters draw out the Breaſt, they give Suck to their young ones. And ſhall Women degenerate into ſuch unnatural Barbarity towards their young, as is not to be met with amongſt the moſt ſavage Creatures? Shall they, whoſe love and tenderneſs has been ſo noted and admired, prove unkind and cruel to the fruit of their own Womb?
2ly. When Children are fit for ſtronger Food,2. Duty, about Childrens Diet. Parents are not to indulge them too much in gratifying the curioſity and daintineſs of their Palate, which not only is apt to make them too ſoft and tender; but likewiſe diſpoſeth them to gluttony and ſenſuality; to make their Belly their God. It is fit to accuſtom them to a plain and ſimple Diet; which is generally more wholſom than that ſort of Food which is very artifically prepared. The State of all Humane Things is very uncertain; they who have at preſent all manner of things in greateſt plenty and variety, may meet with changes and viciſſitudes: It's therefore a part of the Wiſdom of Parents, to accuſtom their Children (ſo far as their Health and ſtrength can bear it) to eat any ſort of Food; that ſo, if God ſees fit to change their outward condition and circumſtances, they may be the more fit and able to endure ſuch an alteration.
Thirdly, As to their Habit and Apparel:3. Duty, about Childrens Apparel. Parents ought to cloathe them decently, but not gorgeouſly: Fineries and Gayeties in Apparel are apt to make people, eſpecially younger perſons, vain and conceited, to value themſelves upon their gay Cloathing. It is fit often to ſuggeſt to them, that their Cloaths and Apparel are but borrowed Feathers; and therefore that it is a great folly to be proud of that which is not their own, but which they owe to the Sheep or Goats, to the Worms or Bowels of the Earth.
It is not fit for Parents, to make too great diſtinction among their Children, as to their Apparel; becauſe this is apt to cauſe diſcontents and jealouſies, hatred and envy, contentions and quarrellings amongſt them. Joſeph's Coat of many Colours, which his old Father Jacob gave him, cauſed his Brothers to hate and envy him, and at laſt to conſpire moſt wickedly againſt him, Gen. 37.3, 4. &c. The ſame is to be ſaid as to their Diet, and other things; wherein it is no ſmall part of the Wiſdom of Parents, not to ſhew too much fondneſs to one above all the reſt. This does not hinder, but that Parents may, to very good purpoſe, give Rewards to their Children for their Acts of Virtue, for their ready and chearful Obedience to their Commands; for their diligence and care in performing what was appointed them, &c. Whereby they who do ſuch things are encouraged, and they who do not, but are careleſs and negligent, are puniſhed, and ſpurred up to amend their faults. But when ſuch marks of favour are beſtowed, 'tis fit to let the reſt know, that if they do as well, they alſo ſhall have a Reward: By which means they will ſee that Virtue and Goodneſs are the things which their Parents love and eſteem moſt; and for which they are ready to beſtow the marks of their affection.
The Duty of Parents as to the outward Eſtate of their Children.
A third thing that belongs to the care of Parents, is the outward Eſtate of their Children.
Firſt, When they are fit for a Trade,1. Duty, to chuſe a fit Tr… them. they ought to chuſe an honeſt Employment for them: To ſuffer them to live in Idleneſs, is to ruin them: If they have not ſome uſeful thing or other to take up their thoughts, they are in great hazard of finding ſomewhat to do which is bad, and hurtful both to themſelves and others. The Devil is always at hand to furniſh Occaſions to idle people, for employing themſelves to their own deſtruction.
As to the particular kind of Employment, wherein Children are to ſpend their days, it is to be left to the diſcretion and prudence of Parents: They are ſo to inſtruct and diſpoſe the minds of their Children, that they may be ready to be determined to any Trade or manner of Life that's honeſt, which their Parents think beſt and meeteſt for them to follow: But yet a great regard is to be had to the particular Genius and Inclination of Children, which ordinarily diſpoſeth them more for one ſort of Employment than another: It will make them more diligent in learning their Trade, when they have a delight in it: Otherwiſe, if they are put forth to a Trade againſt their minds, they are more likely to neglect it, or to break off from it. Seldom do ſuch perſons attain unto great perfection in their Employment, who follow it againſt the grain.
2. Duty, about diſpoſing of them in Marriage.Secondly, When they are fit for Marriage, Parents are ſo to diſpoſe of them, as that in all likelyhood they may be happy in ſuch a ſtate of Life: They are not to conſtrain them to marry againſt their will; for ſuch marriages are ſeldom happy; they end too often in ſomewhat or other very Tragical and Calamitous, to one or t'other party, if not to both.
Great care is to be taken, that there be not too great inequality of outward ſtate and condition; for that occaſions often neglect and contempt of the perſon that is inferiour to the other in ſome external advantages: Nor yet too great inequality of years; for that doth likewiſe, ſooner or later, cauſe an abatement and decay, and ſometimes an utter extinction of that Reſpect and Love which is neceſſary to make thoſe who are married happy.
Parents are not, in diſpoſing of their Children in Marriage, to govern themſelves wholly by their reſpect to Riches and Honour; but are to have a regard to Virtue and Goodneſs, ſo far, as to prefer one who is diſcreet and wiſe, of a Virtuous and good diſpoſition, to another that is fooliſh, or indiſcreet, and prophane and Atheiſtical, tho' attended with greater degrees of Wealth and Earthly Honour. What a great Reproach is it to our Religion, to think that ſo many Parents, in diſpoſing of their Children, only conſider how much Wealth they may have, and what Friends and Alliances they may make by marrying into ſuch a Family? or what Profits and Preferments may be expected thereby? As for any other thing, they do not much trouble their Heads about it: They know no other happineſs but in the things of this life, and therefore they ſeek nothing elſe for their Children, but to make them great and wealthy; by which means it often comes to paſs that they bring their Children into a moſt miſerable and unhappy ſtate of life, in which they muſt pine away their days in ſorrow and grief, in the Company of fooliſh and wicked wretches, who are often in a fury and rage, who ſpend their time in gaming and drinking, in Curſing and Swearing, in quarrelling and fighting, in whoring and ranting, and ſuch like woful doings; which cannot but prove to thoſe, who have any the leaſt degree of real goodneſs, ſo very uneaſie and afflictive, that Wealth and Riches can make no amends for them. Such unfortunate perſons cannot but often envy the happineſs of thoſe who are in a very poor and low eſtate and condition, but yet live in peace and quietneſs, in love and concord, and in the fear of God; and ſo enjoy-real ſatisfaction and contentment, and have a great deal of Comfort to ſweeten their outward Wants and Neceſſities. Prov. 15.16, 17. Better is little with the fear of the Lord; than great Treaſure, and trouble therewith. Better is a Dinner of Herbs where Love is, than a ſtalled Ox, and hatred therewith.
Thirdly, Parents are to provide for them,3. Duty, about providing ſomewhat that may be the foundation of their comfortable ſubſiſtance in the World. if they can, ſomewhat that may be a foundation for their Comfortable ſubſiſtance in the World; which by the Bleſſing of God on their Callings, may be improved towards their living decently and honeſtly. Parents are not to propoſe to themſelves, the rendring their Children very Great and Rich: But as they themſelves having Food and Rayment, are to be therewith content; ſo, if they can get Neceſſaries for their Children, they ought to reſt ſatisfied, and be thankful. Our life (that is the happineſs of our life) doth not conſiſt in the abundance of the things we poſſeſs, Luke 12.15. Tho' you are thus to provide for your Children; yet you are not, out of too great thoughtfulneſs about the time to come, to reſtrain your ſelves from doing all neceſſary Offices of Charity to the poor, who do now ſtand in need of your help: Never neglect a preſent Duty for fear of an uncertain inconvenience: You are forbid to take thought for the Morrow, Matth. 6.34. But you are required to do good to all Men, while you have opportunity, Gal. 6.10. To caſt your Bread upon the Waters; to give a Portion to ſeven, as alſo unto eight, becauſe you know not what evil there may be in the Earth, Eccleſ. 11.1, 2. This is the way to lay up Treaſures for your Children; to entail upon them great Bleſſings; to make God their Guardian; to leave them to his merciful and kind Providence, and to his Almighty protection. Pſ 37.25, 26. I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not ſeen the Righteous forſaken, nor his Seed begging Bread. He is ever merciful and lendeth, and his Seed is Bleſſed. So that by your Bounty and Charity, you put forth your Money into God's hands, who will not fail to repay it with Uſury. He that gives to the poor, lendeth to the Lord. You thereby bring your Wares to a good Market. The liberal Soul ſhall be made fat, Prov. 11.25. He that gives to the poor ſhall not lack, Prov. 28.27. and Deut. 15.10. it is written, Thou ſhalt ſurely give him, (to wit thy poor Brother) and thy heart ſhall not be grieved, when thou giveſt unto him; becauſe that for this thing, the Lord thy God ſhall bleſs thee, in all thy Works, and in all that thou putteſt thine hands unto. And in the Epiſtle to the Hebrews, ch. 6. v. 10. it is ſaid, God is not unrighteous to forget your work, and labour of love, which you have ſhewed towards his Name, in that you have miniſtred to the Saints, and do miniſter. From all which it appears, that Charity and Liberality are the beſt Husbandry.
As you are to beware, leſt your care for your Children, make you neglect neceſſary Duties of Charity; ſo you are to take heed, leſt you uſe any unlawful method to get Wealth to beſtow upon them: This is not a way to make them rich; for ſuch Riches ſeldom proſper: There is a Curſe which attends all unlawful Gain, and like a Canker eats it out, and conſumes it. All Ages and Places afford Examples, which confirm this Obſervation. Better, ſaith Solomon, Prov. 16.8. is a little with Righteouſneſs, than great Revenues without Right.
Thus I have ſhewed you what are the principal Duties you owe to the Souls and Bodies of your Children, and what you are to do for them as to their outward Eſtate.
The above mentioned particulars earneſtly recommended to Parents.
From what hath been ſaid you may ſee, what a weighty and difficult charge you have; the ſenſe whereof ſhould excite you to beg of God earneſtly every day, that he would direct and aſſiſt you, to perform the Duties that belong to Chriſtian Parents. That you may the better act your part; 'tis fit for you, when you call your ſelves to an account about your Lives and Converſations, to make enquiry particularly how you perform the Duties of Parents towards your Children, as to their Souls, their Bodies, and Outward Concerns: And if upon ſerious enquiry, you find that you ſincerely endeavour to do whatever you know your ſelves to be bound to do for them; then bleſs and praiſe God, who gives you both to will and to do according to his good pleaſure: Beg his pardon for thoſe imperfections and defects that attend all Humane Actions: Reſolve to go on, and not to grow weary in your Duty towards them; that ſo they may be as happy in all reſpects, as is poſſible for you, by the help of God, to make them.
But if upon enquiry, you find that you have been very defective in your duty towards your Children; that you have done very little good for their Souls, and not what you ſhould, and might have done for their Bodies and outward Eſtate; and that perhaps you have done them a great deal of hurt by your Evil Counſel, and Prophane and Wretched Example; that you have led them on in the Broad Way, which leads to the Chambers of Death; that you have robbed God, who beſtowed them on you, of their Service and Obedience; and have made them the Servants of Sin; that you have contributed to the making them Heirs of Wrath, Children of Diſobedience, who were made by their Baptiſm, Children of God, and Inheritors of the Kingdom of Heaven; that you have done what tended to deſtroy eternally thoſe Souls and Bodies, which God intruſted with you, that you might take care of them, and do what you could to make them happy. If, I ſay, upon enquiry into your hearts and lives, you find your ſelves guilty of thoſe things, how great reaſon have you to be in bitterneſs and grief of Heart, to weep and lament, to abhor your ſelves in Duſt and Aſhes, to confeſs and acknowledge your ſins with great humility and contrition, to implore the divine mercy and forgiveneſs with all earneſtneſs, for the ſake of his dear Son; to reſolve and purpoſe ſincerely to amend your ways and doings; to beg grace from God, that he would aſſiſt you, that he would compaſs you about with his Salvation; and never leave you nor forſake you. Conſider the particular things wherein you have hurt the Souls of your Children, and failed in your Duty to them, as to their Bodies and Outward Concerns: And the more you find you have done amiſs, reſolve ſo much the more to be zealous to do them good; to double your diligence in promoting the wellfare and happineſs both of their Souls and Bodies. Tell them ſo far as is meet, what you now ſee and feel; let them know that you have been out of the way, that you have milled them, and brought both your ſelves and them in danger of being undone, and ruined eternally: Tell them what you reſolve to do, and what you and they ought to do, and muſt do, or elſe that you will certainly periſh. Delay not to do this one moment: fly like a Bird out of the Snare of the Fowler. Your Souls lye at the ſtake, and therefore do what Men uſe to do to ſave their Lives; Skin for Skin, and all that a Man hath, will he give for his Life. Men are ready to part with any thing to ſave their lives; They'l part with Houſe and Lands, with Silver and Gold, with their whole Eſtate and Subſtance, to ſave their Bodies alive, which muſt dye at laſt, and, for ought they know, may dye within a very few days or hours. How much more ought you, that you may ſave your own Souls, and the Souls of your Children, to part with your vile and unruly Luſts and Paſſions, your vain fooliſh Habits and Cuſtoms, which are your reproach and diſhonour, which are the worſt things in the World; which can do you no good, if you hold them ſtill, but will certainly do you a great deal of miſchief? They will prove the cauſe of your deſtruction; they will deprive you of all that is good and excellent; they will cut you off from the favour of God, the Love of Chriſt, and the fellowſhip of the Bleſſed Spirit; they will likewiſe deprive you of the aſſiſtance and Miniſtry of the Holy Angels, and the Comfortable Society of the Saints departed; they will exclude you for ever from the Kingdom of Heaven, the Crown of righteouſneſs, the peace and joy, the love and glory of the future State: All this your ſins will deprive you of; and inſtead thereof, they will expoſe you to the Wrath of God, to the devouring fire, to everlaſting Burnings, to blackneſs of darkneſs, to weeping and gnaſhing of Teeth, to the wretched and curſed company of Devils and damned Souls, to the Worm which never dieth, which will gnaw you, and torment you for ever: And will you chuſe all this rather than part with your Luſts, that you may be for ever happy, and have fulneſs of joy and pleaſures for evermore? Will you be ſo mad, as to prefer Hell and Death, everlaſting Miſery and Woe, to Heaven and everlaſting life, to Bleſſedneſs and Glory? Now is the time for you to become either happy or miſerable; if you repent and amend, and act the part of Wiſe and Religious Parents, you may be happy; for God will have mercy upon you. Iſa. 55.7. Let the wicked forſake his way, and the unrighteous Man his Thoughts: And let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. Follow therefore the Example of the Pſalmiſt, Pſal. 119.59, 60. I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy Teſtimonies. I made haſte and delayed not to keep thy Commandments. But if, inſtead of this, you continue in your ſin and folly, ſetting at naught Gods Counſels, and deſpiſing his Reproofs, putting the Evil Day far from you, promiſing your ſelves peace and ſafety, tho' you walk after your own Hearts Luſts; making a mock at ſin, and laughing at all that is ſacred and ſerious; and by your wicked Example deſtroying the Souls and Bodies of your poor Children; then aſſure your ſelves God will not be mocked; he will at laſt whet his Sword and bend his Bow, and make ready his Arrows againſt his Adverſaries; he will render to you according to your Works; he will in no wiſe clear the Guilty. Conſider the terrible threatning which is mentioned, Deut. 29.19, 20. againſt the man, who, when he heareth the words of the Curſe, does bleſs himſelf in his Heart, ſaying, I ſhall have peace, tho' I walk in the imagination of my heart, to add drunkenneſs to thirſt: [The Lord will not ſpare him, but the anger of the Lord and his jealouſie ſhall ſmoke againſt that man; and all the Curſes that are written in this Book ſhall lye upon him, and the Lord ſhall blot out his Name from under Heaven.]
Concerning the Duty of Parents when God removeth their Children by death.
After all that hath been ſaid, it will not be unfit to add ſomewhat concernning the Duty of Parents, when God ſees fit to remove their Children from them by Death. This falls out ſo very often to Parents, that it cannot but be ſeaſonable to a great many to ſuggeſt to them ſome plain and eaſie conſiderations, which they may ſometimes reflect upon, and imprint on their minds; that ſo they may not be ſurpriſed with the death of their Children, nor ſwallowed up of exceſſive and immoderate grief.
Parents ought to conſider,1. They ought to conſider that it is the Lord who does it. when their Children dye, firſt, that is the Lord who does it: He who is Lord of Life, who gave Life to themſelves and to their Children, is alſo Lord of death, and removes out of the World whom, and when, he ſees ſit. He is the great Potter; and Man is the Clay, which he hath formed and faſhioned into a curious and beautiful ſhape; and animated with an immortal Soul: When he ſees fit to break this brittle Veſſel in pieces, and to ſeparate the Soul from it, who dare ſay unto him, What doeſt thou? May not he do with his own, what he thinks good? Or muſt he give an account of his Actions, unto the work of his own hands? He is infinitely great and powerful; and therefore will do according to his own good pleaſure: He is infinitely wiſe, and knows what's beſt and fitteſt to be done. He is infinitely good and kind, and therefore will order all things for good: And he is infinitely juſt and righteous, and therefore can do no wrong. It's fit therefore that Parents, when God removes their Children from them by Death, ſubmit chearfully to the will of him, who is infinitely powerful, wiſe, good, and juſt; and that they adore him, and ſay with Ely, 1 Sam. 3.18. It is the Lord, let him do what ſeemeth him good.
2. They ought to conſider that their Children were born mortal.Secondly, They ſhould conſider that their Children were born Mortal, frail by Nature, ſubject to a neceſſity of dying, by their very compoſition and frame; and alſo by the Decree of Heaven, Heb. 9.27. It is appointed for all Men once to dye. And therefore when God ſees fit to remove them by Death, to make the Houſe of Clay fall down about their Ears, Parents ought not to be ſurpriſed: This is nothing but what falls out daily: Some are going out of the World, and ſome are coming into it: Some are a great while upon the Stage, and ſome but a very ſhort while; ſome no ſooner enter upon it, but preſently they are gone, and are ſeen no more; ſome take a few turns, and then they are withdrawn; ſome tarry longer, and act a great part on the Stage, for a conſiderable time, and give hopes of yet greater Actions and Performances; but on a ſudden they are gone likewiſe, as a ſhadow; and all their own deſigns and projects, and the hopes and expectations of others fall to the ground. All this happens every day in the Courſe of things here in the World; and therefore Parents have no reaſon to think it ſtrange when they ſee their Children dye. The thing that hath been, it is that which ſhall be; and that which is done, is that which ſhall be done; and there is no new thing under the Sun, Eccleſ. 1.9.
And as it is with men, ſo it is with all things elſe, which live upon the Earth, or grow out of it: Some live longer and ſome a ſhorter while than others of the ſame kind: Some proſper and thrive, and others decay and periſh. Some things grow up in the Morning, and are withered e're Night: Some things grow apace till they are very near the time of ripeneſs and perfection; and then ſomewhat happeneth, which prevents the perfect growth, and makes the goodly appearance come to nothing: Now, what are Men? Moſes in his Prayer (Pſ. 90.5, 6.) tells us, In the Morning they are like graſs, which groweth up; In the Morning it flouriſheth and groweth up: In the Evening it is cut down and withereth. And to the ſame purpoſe the Pſalmiſt David ſpeaketh, Pſal. 103.15, 16, As for Man his days are as graſs, as a flower of the field, ſo he flouriſheth, for the Wind paſſeth over it, and it is gone, and the place thereof ſhall know it no more. Likewiſe Eſa. 40.6, 7. it is thus written, The Voice ſaid Cry. And he ſaid What ſhall I cry? All fleſh is graſs, and all the goodlineſs thereof is as the flower of the field. The graſs withereth, the flower fadeth, becauſe the Spirit of the Lord bloweth upon it: Surely the people is graſs. By all which it appears what Man is by Nature, to wit, a very weak and vaniſhing thing, ſoon nipt and brought to nothing; like the tender Graſs and the Flower of the Field, which is more expoſed to the Winds and other inconveniencies, than the Flowers of the Garden, which the Gardiner preſerves and ſecures.
The Conſideration of theſe things will tend mightily to quiet the minds of thoſe who calmly and wiſely reflect upon them, when God removes their Children, or other Relations from them by Death. Their caſe is not ſingular, it is that which is common and uſual amongſt men; it is according to the courſe of Nature for a mortal thing to die.
But what if the manner of the death of your Children be ſomewhat extraordinary, by ſome ſudden and unuſual Accident, or by ſome ſtrange and odd Diſtemper; are you on this account to allow your ſelves in the exceſſes of Sorrow and Mourning? No, in no ways: You are not therefore to be tranſported into immoderate grief and mourning. Shall you be vexed and diſquieted, becauſe a Worm did eat up your pleaſant Fruit, or becauſe the ſtormy Wind did blow away your lovely Flowers? Are you therefore to be enraged and mad with anger againſt the Worms, or againſt the Winds? What would it mend the matter, if you ſhould give way to your paſſion and anger never ſo much in ſuch a caſe? This would only multiply your loſſes, by making you loſe not only your Fruit and your Flowers, but your ſelves too: Which they all do, who loſe their patience, in which it is that we poſſeſs our Souls.
When therefore your Children are removed from you by Death, in ſome unuſual and extraordinary manner, you ought to look beyond Diſeaſes or Accidents unto the Lord of Life and Death; who by his Providence ordereth not only their death, but the manner of it. If the Sparrows fall not to the ground, that is, die not, without your Father: You may be ſure your Children do not die by chance, or without the particular diſpoſal of their heavenly Father. As to the particular grounds and reaſons for which God does after ſuch a manner ſee fit to put an end to your Childrens days, you are not to be too curious and inquiſitive. The Counſels of God are a great deep: His ways are in the deep waters; and none by ſearching can find him out unto perfection, Job 11.7. Upon ſuch occaſions all ought to remember the words of our Lord, when they told him of the Galileans, whoſe blood Pilate had mingled with their Sacrifices, Luk. 13.2, 3, 4, 5. Suppoſe ye that theſe Galileans were ſinners above all the Galileans, becauſe they ſuffered ſuch things? I tell you, Nay: But except ye repent, ye ſhall all likewiſe periſh. Or thoſe eighteen upon whom the Tower of Siloe fell, and ſlew them, think ye that they were ſinners above all men that dwelt in Jeruſalem? I tell you, Nay: But except ye repent, ye ſhall all likewiſe periſh.
Thirdly, Conſider from whence,3. They ſhould conſider from whence, and whither they are gone. and whither they are gone. They were here in a life of Vexation and Trouble; ſubject to innumerable vanities, temptations, ſnares and dangers: They were compaſſed about with great and terrible Enemies, the Devil, the World, and the Fleſh: They were ſubject to daily neceſſities and wants. If they had lived never ſo long, they would only have ſeen the ſame things in a continual ſucceſſion and revolution: As for Example, heat and cold, fair weather and foul, night and day, Summer and Winter, health and ſickneſs, plenty and poverty, peace and war, proſperity and adverſity, ſucceeding one to another: All things going round. But now they are delivered from all theſe; they are at reſt, they are ſubject to no more neceſſities and wants; oppreſſed with no more troubles and vexations; expoſed to no more enemies, temptations or dangers; but exalted to a ſtate of perfect peace, joy, love, and glory. They are as well and better than you can deſire: You are not able to comprehend the Happineſs that they are admitted to. Will you then be in continual ſorrow and grief for your Children, when they are exalted to a ſtate of Reſt and Glory; when they are where you would rejoyce to be; when their gracious Father hath freed them from the vain company of the World, and tranſlated them into the bleſſed Society of Angels, and of the Spirits of juſt men made perfect; when he hath put an end to their toil and labour, to their fighting and wreſtling againſt their Enemies, and beſtowed on them a Crown of Glory, and an everlaſting Inheritance; when he hath broken their bonds aſunder, wherein they were held and kept in captivity and ſlavery, and hath put them into a ſtate of perfect and glorious freedom? The conſideration of theſe things ſhould mitigate and aſſwage your ſorrow and grief, and fill you with unſpeakable comfort and gladneſs.
But ſome are apt to ſay, I ſhould rejoyce, if I thought that my Children, who are dead, were in Heaven: But this I do not know. As to this, you are not to trouble your thoughts about it: for God does not ſee fit to acquaint you with ſuch things. Secret things belong to God; and things revealed to us and to our Children, Deut. 29.29. If your Children, while they were alive, minded good things; and if you did your part to inſtruct them, and to make them what God requires them to be, you are not to be any further ſolicitous about their everlaſting ſtate: You are to hope that they are very happy, and you are to comfort your ſelves with theſe thoughts.
But ſome are apt to ſay, I am afraid that my Children are not in a happy ſtate; they did very bad things, and uſed bad Company; and therefore I have cauſe to fear, and to be troubled about them, now that they are dead. As to ſuch Parents, who have had wretched Children, they ought not to ſuffer their minds to be diſordered, and oppreſſed with grief and ſorrow, becauſe their Children, who died, were wicked. If they did their Duty to make them better; if they adviſed and admoniſhed them; if they reproved them, and, as was fitting, chaſtened them; if they deſired others to deal with them, to ſee what they could do towards the reclaiming of them; if they prayed to God for them, and gave them a good Example: they are not any further to be troubled and diſquieted concerning them, when God takes them into his own hand; He is wiſe and good, holy and juſt, he does all things well, for excellent and glorious ends; and therefore Parents ought to leave them to his Diſpoſal, who is the Supreme Governour of the World, and Judge of the whole Earth. Whatever he does, whether in Mercy or Juſtice, is always beſt. The Inhabitants of the other World, who are tranſlated into a ſtate of heavenly Glory, are not under the power of ſuch paſſions and partialities, as govern us here below. The glorified Parents of damned Children, are not under any uneaſineſs on that or any other account: The Will of God and his Glory is their all; they know that whatever he does is moſt perfectly juſt and good, and for his honour; and therefore all things afford them great pleaſure and delight, true and laſting joy and ſatisfaction of mind. There's nothing able to interrupt the happineſs and joy of thoſe in Glory: They are perfectly and eternally delivered from all ſort of evils, both of ſin and puniſhment: They are placed above the reach of whatever may render them in the leaſt uneaſie.
But there is a third ſort; of thoſe who are troubled, not only becauſe their Children were bad and prophane, but becauſe they were ſo through their example or neglect. As for ſuch, I have already in general ſhewed them what they ought to do. I ſhall only add; That ſince they have been ſo faulty and defective in their Duty towards their deceaſed Children, they ought to be the more careful of thoſe who are yet alive, and to do all that is poſſible to make them what God requires them to be. As to thoſe who have no more Children left them, it would be very fit for them to take into their care one or more Children, upon whom they may beſtow all that pains & care which they ſhould have beſtowed in the right Education of their own; and endeavour, by God's help, to make them truly pious and religious, and Patterns of all ſorts of Virtue to others. This is an office which will be very acceptable to God, and one of the beſt demonſtrations which Parents can make of the ſincerity of their Repentance, for their not having done their Duty to their own Children.
4. They ſhould conſider that there will be a Reſurrection.Fourthly, Conſider, That there will be a Reſurrection of all thoſe that are dead. The mighty Power of God, which made all things cut of nothing, will alſo gather together the ſcattered duſt of thoſe who are deceaſed, and will reform and rebuild, as it were, their bodies which are fallen down, and conſumed. He will raiſe them up again in a more excellent, perfect, and glorious manner. Then ſhall you meet with your Children and Friends who died in the Lord, and behold them after another manner, than you ſaw them here in this World. Inſtead of weak and diſeaſed bodies, you ſhall ſee them ſtrong, vigorous, and lively bodies: Inſtead of frail and dying bodies, you ſhall ſee immortal and incorruptible bodies: Inſtead of filthy and vile bodies, you ſhall ſee pure and glorious bodies: And you ſhall ſee them ſo as to be with them for ever, ſo as never any more to be ſeparated from them by death, or any other thing; for you and they ſhall die no more: 1 Cor. 15.42, 43, 44. So alſo is the reſurrection of the dead. It is ſown in corruption, it is raiſed in incorruption; it is ſown in diſhonour, it is raiſed in glory. It is ſown in weakneſs, it is raiſed in power. It is ſown a natural body, it is raiſed a ſpiritual body: And verſ. 15, 53. This corruptible muſt put on incorruption, and this mortal muſt put on immortality.
How gladly would poor people part with their deareſt Children, if they could be aſſured of ſeeing them again in an honourable ſtate and condition, exalted to great Dignity and Honour? And will not you, who have the hopes of a glorious Reſurrection, be comforted in the abſence of your Children? when their merciful God and Father takes them away from you unto himſelf; not to do them hurt, but good; to make them happy and bleſſed with himſelf for ever; to beſtow upon them what eye hath not ſeen, nor ear heard, nor which hath entred into the heart of man to conceive? Conſider the words of the Apoſtle to the Theſſalonians, 1 Epiſt. 4.13, 14. But I would not have you to be ignorant, Brethren, concerning them which are aſleep, that ye ſorrow not, even as others which have no hope: For if we believe that Jeſus dyed and roſe again, even ſo them, which ſleep in Jeſus, will God bring with him.
5. They ſhould conſider that their giving way to exceſſive Grief and Mourning, can do no good, but will certainly do a great deal of hurt.Fifthly, Your giving way to exceſſive Grief and Mourning, can do you no good, but will certainly do you a great deal of hurt and miſchief in many reſpects. It cannot bring back your Children that are dead. Though you ſhould break your Hearts into a thouſand pieces, by your weeping and mourning, and waſte and conſume your years in conſtant heavineſs and ſorrow; tho' you ſhould never henceforth allow your ſelves one moment of relaxation of mind; after all you muſt go to them, they ſhall not return to you. Now what a folly is it for Men to conſume, to diſquiet, and to torment themſelves, where it is to no purpoſe at all to do ſo?
And not only do you thereby no good at all to your ſelves, but you do your ſelves a great deal of miſchief and prejudice. You provoke God to anger againſt you, to bring upon you yet heavier and more grievous puniſhments, and to deprive you of other Mercies and Comforts, which you ſtill enjoy.
You do thereby no ſmall hurt to your Bodies; you bring upon your ſelves very dangerous Diſtempers, which will make you unfit for the actions of Life, and the Duties of your Calling. You likewiſe do unſpeakable miſchief to your Souls; you deprive your ſelves of that vigour and chearfulneſs of Spirit, that is needful to make you fit to ſerve God acceptably. You thereby weaken your Memory, and darken and diſorder your Reaſon and Underſtanding, and ſo expoſe your ſelves to all the ſad conſequences of a diſordered and diſtracted Mind.
Your Example does alſo a great deal of hurt to others: Your impatience and immoderate ſorrow and mourning teacheth others to do ſo upon the like occaſion. Hereby you bring no ſmall reproach upon our holy Religion, as if it were not ſufficient to ſupport and fortifie us againſt our croſſes and afflictions, and to comfort us amidſt the uneaſie things which God ſees ſit to exerciſe us with in this World.
What an excellent Example is David unto you in this matter? When God ſtruck his Child, ſo that it was very ſick, he faſted and prayed; but when the Child died, he aroſe from the earth, and waſhed and anointed himſelf, and changed his apparel, and came unto the Houſe of the Lord, and worſhipped: Then he came to his own houſe; and when he required, they ſet bread before him, and he did eat. Then ſaid his ſervants unto him, What thing is this that thou haſt done? Thou didſt faſt and weep for the Child, while it was alive; but when the Child was dead, thou didſt riſe and eat bread. And he ſaid, While the Child was yet alive, I faſted and wept; for I ſaid, Who can tell, whether God will be gracious unto me, that the Child may live? But now he is dead, Wherefore ſhould I faſt? Can I bring him again? I ſhall go to him, but he ſhall not return to me, 2 Sam. 12.15, 16, &c. Thus ought all Parents to do, who fear God. When the Lord layeth his hand upon your Children, you ought to pray to God for them, and to uſe all lawful means for their recovery: But when he ſees fit to take them away by death, you ought patiently to ſubmit to his Will, and to ſay with Job: The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; bleſſed be the name of the Lord, Job 1.21. This is your wiſeſt courſe: It is the way to make your ſelves happy, and to enjoy comfort and ſatisfaction of mind under your croſſes. This is the likelieſt and readieſt way to obtain new Mercies and Favours from the Lord, inſtead of thoſe you are deprived of: Thus you ſee the Lord dealt with Job: Jam. 5. 11. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have ſeen the end of the Lord: That the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy. And Job 42.12, 13. The Lord bleſſed the latter end of Job, more than his beginning. And verſ. 16, 17. After this lived Job an hundred and forty years, and ſaw his ſons, and his ſons ſons, even four generations. So Job dyed, being old and full of days.
But if God ſee it more fit to withhold from you the bleſſings of the Womb, and to beſtow no more Children upon you; he can and will make up this want, with much greater and better Bleſſings. What you want in Temporals, you ſhall have in Spirituals. As Elkanah ſaid to Hannah, 1 Sam. 1.8. He will be better to you than ten Sons. He will give you a Name better than of Sons and Daughters, even an everlaſting Name, that ſhall not be cut off. Iſa. 56.5.