Advice to Children, Section 1
The Duties of Children towards their deceaſed Parents.
The Duties of Children towards their deceaſed Parents.Beſides the Duties which Children owe their Parents whilſt they are alive, there are ſome things likewiſe for them to do after their Deceaſe; Particularly,
1. Duty, they ought to bury them decently.Firſt, They ought to bury them decently according to their Quality, ſo far as the preſent Circumſtances of their Eſtate will permit: They ought on the one hand to avoid whatever looks like Baſeneſs and Covetouſneſs, and which is not, in ſome meaſure, anſwerable to their Parents Eſtate and Place while they lived; and on the other hand, they ought to avoid an over-laviſh Sumptuouſneſs, they muſt do nothing above their Eſtate, or above their Rank and Quality. A great many, out of a vain and fooliſh humour of Solemnizing their Parents Funerals in a ſumptuous and ſplendid manner, have ſo far weakened their Eſtate, as ſcarce ever to be able to recover themſelves again. Children therefore ought, in this matter, to govern themſelves, by the Advice and Example of Prudent and Diſcreet Perſons of their own Rank, in the World; but eſpecially, they are herein to govern themſelves by the Will of the Dead, ſo far as it was made known to them or others: Thus, we ſee, Joſeph and his Brethren did to their Father Jacob when he died; he charged them to Bury him with his Fathers, in the Cave that is in the Field of Ephron the Hittite, Gen. 49.29. And accordingly his Sons did as he commanded them, Gen. 50.12,13.
2. Duty, to fulfil their laſt Will.2dly. They are likewiſe to ſhew the greateſt readineſs that is poſſible, to Obey their Parents in every other thing which by their laſt Will they appointed and Ordered to be done; for Example, the Payment of Debts and Legacies, the giving ſo much Money for ſome Excellent and Pious Deſign, or for the Relief of ſome Perſons in Diſtreſs and Want, &c.
The Will of the Dead has, in all Ages, and amongſt all People, been reckoned a thing moſt Sacred and Inviolable: Now, if the Will of the Deceaſed be Obligatory unto any, it muſt certainly be ſo in a ſpecial manner to Children, whom both the Laws of Natural and Revealed Religion require to Obey their Parents in all things.
3. Duty, to call to mind their good Advices, and to follow their good Examples.3dly. They ought to call to mind often their Parents good Advices, and to follow their Pious Examples. If whilſt they were alive, they neglected, or, at leaſt, did not obſerve, ſo well as they ſhould have done, their Admonitions and Inſtructions, and did not make very great account of their good Examples; they ought (now they are gone from them, and to return to them no more) to endeavour to be ſo much the more careful to follow their uſeful Directions and Examples. There is no ſuch way as this, to keep the Memory of Parents freſh and green. There can no Monument be erected comparable to this, when Children imitate their Parents Virtue and Piety. The good Kings which came of the Stock and Lineage of David, made the Memory of their Father David to be ſtill ſweet and flouriſhing, when his Body was rotten in the Grave. Thus 'tis ſaid of Solomon, 1 King. 3.3. He walked in the Statutes of David his Father. And of Aſa, it is ſaid, 1 King. 15.11. And Aſa did that which was right in the Eyes of the Lord, as did David his Father. And of Joſiah it is written, 2 King. 22.2. He did that which was right in the ſight of the Lord, and walked in all the ways of David his Father, and turned not aſide to the right hand, or to the left.
'Twill be an Act of Juſtice, as well as a Teſtimony of due Reſpect and Love to your Deceaſed Parents, now and then to make Honourable mention of them, to talk of their good Advices, their uſeful Sayings, and their good Cuſtoms and Examples. But this is not to be done too often, nor in all Companies; only amongſt thoſe who will bear it, and at ſuch times when it is moſt likely to do good.
4. Duty, to do what they can Lawfully to ſuppreſs evil Reports concerning them.4thly. They ought to do all that they can Lawfully, in a calm and prudent manner, to ſuppreſs evil Reports, which are ſpread abroad of their Parents after their Deceaſe. The Credit and Honour of Parents ought to be very dear to Children: And therefore, when their good Name is wounded, and when they, by Death, are incapable to vindicate themſelves, 'tis the Duty of Children, who are, as it were, their living Images, to do their utmoſt to preſerve their Name from injurious Reports. If what is ſaid of them be manifeſtly falſe, Children ought to make known the naked truth, ſo far as is fit; which will be the beſt and ſureſt Vindication. But if what is ſaid againſt their Parents be true, and of that Nature as to admit of no excuſe or extenuation, the beſt thing that Children can do in ſuch a caſe, is, to avoid ſuch wicked things themſelves as their Parents were Guilty of. They who follow the Evil Example of Parents, cauſe them to ſtink more and more. The poſterity of Jeroboam, who followed his wretched Example, made his Evil Name to be the more remembred, and cauſed this blur to continue in his Character, from one Age to another, Jeroboam which made Iſrael to Sin.
5. Duty, to retain a firm kindneſs for their Friends.5thly. They ought to retain a ſincere and firm kindneſs and eſteem, for all thoſe who witneſſed a true and conſtant Chriſtian Friendſhip to their Parents, who were always faithful to them, ready to ſerve them, and to do them all good Offices, according to their ability: Such Perſons, it may be very reaſonably preſumed, will not be treacherous and unfaithful to the Children, who have teſtified a laſting and faithful Friendſhip to the Parents. Thy own Friend, ſaith Solomon, and thy Father's Friend, forſake not, Prov. 27.10.
Againſt Children who neglect theſe Duties.Now, if it be the Duty of Children, to expreſs their Love and Regard towards their deceaſed Parents, in the abovementioned manner, what ſhall be ſaid of thoſe who run a courſe quite contrary to all this? No ſooner are their Parents dead, but they begin to rejoyce and triumph, and to bleſs themſelves, that at laſt they are delivered from thoſe reſtraints they were formerly under, and that now they have the liberty to give themſelves the ſwing, and to gratifie every Luſt and Paſſion, as much as ever they can. As to their Parents Will, they take no care to fulfill it; henceforth they know no other Will but their own; as to that of their Parents, they think they had too much to do with it, when they were alive, and now that they are dead, they reckon themſelves abſolved from all Obligations to them. As to their Debts and Legacies, &c. They make no Conſcience to pay them, unleſs a neceſſity of ſubmitting to the Laws force them to do their Duty. As to the Credit and good Name of their Parents, ſo little regard have they thereto, as to be ready to give ear to thoſe who ſpeak ill of them; yea themſelves are apt to blaze abroad ſuch things as tend to their Reproach and Diſparagement. As to their Advices and Admonitions, they laugh at them, they look on them as fit only to be liſt'ned to by melancholly dull Souls, who have no reliſh of Manly Pleaſures: They have no mind to be interrupted in their Mirth and Jollity, and therefore farewell any Advice or Council that looks like ſerious. As to their Example, they ſlight and deſpiſe it; they look on themſelves as too wiſe to be led either by Precept or Example, but according as they ſuit their own Humour and Inclination. As to their Parents Friends, they turn their Backs upon them, they break off all Correſpondence with them, and keep them at the greateſt diſtance, as if they were afraid of them; they know that they are of the ſame Temper and Principles with their Parents, and therefore they cannot endure them, for fear of being told by them ſome thing or other, that does not agree with their vain and wicked Practices, and with their raſh and fooliſh Deſigns. In a word, they ſtudy a perfect Oppoſition to their Parents in all things; they pull down whatever they built, they root up whatever they planted, they hate what they loved, and love whatever they hated. So unlike do they render themſelves to their Parents in all their Manners and Cuſtoms, that all who ſee them muſt needs call them a degenerate Seed, Curſed Children, unnatural Plants, ready to be hewn down and caſt into the Fire.
From what hath been ſaid, Children may ſee what their Duty is, which they owe to their Parents; which that they may perform, there are ſeveral things which ſerve as powerful Motives and Arguments to excite them.