The Exceeding Riches of Grace, Text (1 of 3)
THE EXCEEDING RICHES OF GRACE ADVANCED.
THE Relator hereof (being one who desires to feare the Name of the LORD,) having been an eye and ear-witnesse, both of the sad sufferings, and longed-for-deliverance of this handmaid, Mris SARAH WIGHT; and upon his enquiring at the first and best hand, having many of her precious Evangelicall expressions, (as the first fruits thereof, [viz. from pag. 16, to 35,]) testified to him, by such as are well approved off for godlinesse and faithfulnesse; who were also eye and ear-witnesses with himselfe of the rest here recorded; And he observing, and noting down presently from time to time, since this happy change, such * Glad-tidings uttered of the Righteousnesse of God, of his Faithfulnesse and Salvation, of his * benigne Kindnesse and Truth: he could not but Publish it to the World, for the exalting of this glorious Name of of God; and for the refreshing of poor, hungry, empty, sinfull, burden'd, drooping, desparing soules; that judge none to be so base and hopelesse as themselves; and for the building up of others in their holy faith: he would not, might not, durst not keep it to himselfe alone, and so conceale it, hide it, or withhold it from others; as he would not for all the world, have the Lord withhold, or hide, or * close up his bowels of mercies from his own soule; as the Psalmist argueth *, Psal. 40. 9, 10, 11. Hebrew.
For the better satisfying of some that would hardly give credit to the wonderfull things herein related: It was judged meet, there should be laid down;
1. First somewhat touching this Handmaid, her parentage and dwelling place.
2. Touching her Education. (pag. 5.)
3. Touching her Afflictions in Spirit, especially since shee wronged her Conscience, at her being about twelve yeares old; till April 6. 1647. (shee being in September following, 16. yeares old.) And of godly Ministers, and others, that knew her soule in adversity, and sought to comfort her: and of such as have seen her, and spake with her, since the LORD hath comforted her. (Pag. 6.8, 9.)
4. Touching the Lords delivering her, April 6. 1647. when no creature could help, shee being then struck deafe, blind, and lame; and terrified beyond measure: this extremity was the Lords opportunity. (pag. 14, 15.)
Then, 1. of her so continuing deafe and blind, from April 6, till April 19. many dayes together; (except part of April 15. wherein shee had satisfaction to her troubled Spirit, that her Mother had pardon'd her murmurings against her: And part of April 17, to see and heare her Brother; as Pag. 25. & 29.)
2. Of her being acted, both then, and often after, to admire, utter forth, and magnifie the exceeding Riches of Gods Grace to sinners, to her the chiefe of sinners. Her speeches of Grace, which follow, were all in her Bed, being in the time of her bodies great weaknesse; caused partly through her former deep sense of Gods wrath, consuming and pining away; And by seeking to beat out her eyes, and Braines; and since this happie change, her stomack being exceeding weak; not eating at all till June 11, and drinking so little, as is noted; her voice thus being very low, and oft whispering, (it could be heard by none, but that were very neer her;) uttered in an humble, melting manner; stop'd sometimes with tears of sighs; her eyes being alwayes covered, because of that weaknesse, and by spending her selfe in speaking to distressed soules, and to others.
3. Of her Conferences then and since; with many despairing soules: whose Names, and dwelling places are so born by the Relator, in tender respect to themselves, and their friends: least some not experienced in Temptations, might the more reproach them, or the Name of God, for what these uttered in distresse, or through Temptation. But their Expressions, and the Answers to them are recorded as neer as could be, being then writ down, for help to themselves hereafter, and to others in like condition, if the Lord will: Hoping this will not offend them.
2. Conferences with others about the Church-Ordinances, the Spirits powring forth; about the New Covenant, the Law, Works, Mans Endeavours, Punishment for sinne, Redemption, &c.
4. Of the Lords power in sustaining her, above 75 dayes, by a little water taken once in three or four or five dayes, and very little besides: [And then raising her by FAITH.]
All these are here set down, though the latter are set downe occasionally, and not all in this same order.
I. TOuching her Earthly Parentage. This Mris Sarah Wight, was daughter to Mr Thomas Wight, sometimes of the Auditors Office, and of the Exchequers Office: (Son to old Mr Wight of Daintry.) Her earthly dwelling is now with her faithful Mother Mris Mary Wight, widdow, in Lawrence Pountney. Lane, by Caning-street in LONDON: Whose Father was Mr Edward Purcel Esquire, of Ansloo neer Shrewsbury: and whose former Husband was Mr Edward Vaughan Esquire, the Kings Receiver, and Surveyer for Northampton-shire, and for Rutland-shire: (by whom, shee had her Sonne Mr Ionathan Vaughan, now of Alsoules in Oxford: Who not long since writ thence a Consolatory Letter to this his sorrowfull Sister SARAH, therein saying thus: [Doest thou despaire, because thy Temper is a Lyon for his strength? Behold the Lyon of the Tribe of Iudah, Christ the mighty God: who can and will deliver thee out of his paw.—A fountain laid open for sin, and for uncleannesse. I verily beleeve, that although for the present you lie among the pots, of no use: yet thy God will make thee a Vessell of Honour, an instrument fit for thy Masters use; whereby he will square sinners, to his own glory, &c.] Thin in his Letter is now fulfilled, and fulfilling.) Shee that was born of flesh and bloud, borne in sinne; and that was by Nature a childe of wrath: is now borne from above, borne of God, having given to her Faith and Love: and hath Jesus Christ to heraMat. 12. 50. Rom. 8. 17. Brother; and God to her b1 Joh. 3. 2.Father, and hercPsal. 90. 1. dwelling place; He d1 Jo. 4.12.16.dwelling in her, and shee in him. Let him and her that glorieth, not glory in the flesh, but in the Lord e1 Co. 1.29.31 Jer. 9. 23.alone.
II. Touching her Education: In the time of her Mothers deep afflictions of Spirit, and sore Temptations, shee was well trained up in the Scriptures, by her godly faithfull Grand-mother, Mris Wight of Daintree. And when the Lords time of Love was, that he vouchsafed to manifest his Grace in Christ to her Mothers soule, then the Lord brought her home to her, shee being then about nine yeares old. Shee gave her selfe much to read and study the Scriptures: Which though shee then understood not aright; yet the Lord by his Holy Spirit brought to her remembrance, and opened to her since her restoring, what formerly shee had read for great comfort and soul-refreshing to her selfe, and to many others; as hereafter followeth. (Which is a great encouragement to all that feare God, to train up ther children in the holy Scriptures; as, 2 Tim. 3. 15. Chap. 1.5. Prov. 22. 6. Deut. 6. 6, 7. Gen. 18. 19.)
III. Touching her afflictions. From her childhood she was of a tender heart, and oft afflicted in Spirit: Her Temptations were not so great, till shee was about twelve yeares old; since which, they have continued with more violence till April 6. 1647. it being about foure yeares. [Shee is not sixteen yeares old (as her Mother saith,) till September following.]
The beginning of her more violent Temptations was thus: Her superiour bid her doe a small thing, judging it meet and lawfull: Shee did it, doubtingly, fearing it was unlawfull: and as shee did it, a great Trembling in her hands and body fell upon her: being condemned in her selfe. About a monethmonth after, returning home, having been abroad, she had lost her hood, and knew shee had lost it. Her Mother asked her, for her hood. Shee suddenly answered, My Grand-mother hath it. Her heart condemned her instantly, and trembled againe exceedingly. And these were the first chiefe occasions of her deep despaire: And upon this, shee had cast into her Conscience, that shee was both a thiefe, and a lyar, and was terrified ever since, that shee was shut out of Heaven, and must be damn'd, damn'd, damn'd.
In the last four yeares, shee was oft in such extremities, shee could beleeve nothing but Hell and Wrath—to be her Portion; and other times, that there was no heaven; nor no hell, but in our Conscience: and that shee was damn'd already, being an unbeleever: and therefore if shee could but dispatch this life of hers, there was an end of her sorrows. A subtle deceit of the old Serpent! Hence shee oft attempted wickedly to destroy her selfe; as by drowning, strangling, stabbing; seeking to beat out her eyes and braines; wretchedly bruising, and wounding her selfe: (The chiefe cause of such weaknesse since:) Many particulars whereof follow, in her own Relations.
But the Lord who is her life, and loved her then in her bloud, he wonderfully prevented her destruction, many wayes. Sometimes by one or other at that instant; sometimes staying her in the acting, when no creature was by: Sometimes by bringing to her minde some choice Scripture: as this, No weapon form'd against thee, shall prosper, (Isa. 54.17.) or this, None shall take them out of my hand; or, out of my Fathers hand, (Ioh. 10.28, 29.) This stop'd her sinfull act, but the comfort stayed not.
Many precious Ministers came to comfort her: In London these, Mr Thomas Goodwin, Mr Barker, Mr Lockyar, Mr Palmer (lately their Minister in Lawrence Pountney) Mr Sprigge, Mr Iohn Simpson, and others. And these came to her in or neer Shrewsbury, Mr Hildersham of Felton, Mr Paget (Father of Dr Paget now of London) Mr Wright of Wellington, Mr Smith, Mr Fisher, Mr Blake, Mr Morgan Floyd, Mr Moston: All these and many moe godly Ministers and precious Christians, being acquainted with her sad condition, endeavoured to comfort her: and shee gladly would have received comfort; but it was then hid from her.
Some glimpse shee had, especially by meanes of her kinsman, Mr Iohn Browne, of Shrewbury (a faithfull and loving man,) and by one whom he brought with him, viz. Mr Daniel Floyd: but it was soon ecclipsed againe; and shee remained in grievous horror day and night; concluding shee was a Cast-away, a Reprobate, walking daily in the midst of fire and brimstone, as one in Hell already. Till the Lord (who had loved her with an everlasting love, and in loving kindnesse prevented her ruine,) at last restored comforts to her, and to those that had prayed and mourned for her. (Isa. 57. 18.)
And since that her much prayed-and hoped-for-deliverance, amongst many that have visited her, were these Ministers; Mr Palmer, Mr Sprigge, and Mr Simpson beforesaid, Mr Peters, Mr Charnock of London, Mr Atherley of the Charterhouse (with his wife,) Mr Hide of Wighton in Yorkshire, and the Relator. Also the Lady Willoughby of Parham; the Lady Renula, and the Lady Clotworthy her sister; the Lady Vermuiden, with her daughters, Mris Sarah, and Mris Katharine; Sir Ric: Philips, and his Lady, daugh: to Dr Oxenbridge; Sir Rich: Saltonstall, with his Lady: & Capt. Price, with his wife; Dr Coxe, Dr Debote, Dr Worsley, Dr Paget, Physicians. Also Mris Fines, wife to my Lord Says eldest Sonne; and Mris Harrison, wife to the Chamberlain of London; Col. Langhams wife, daughter to the Lady Roberts; Mris Sarah Iones, wife to Mr Tho. Iones Esquire of Tower-hill; Mris Berney of Norsolk: Mr and Mris Liggon, Mris Wilson at Nags-head-Taverne; Mris Thorp, at Grave Maurice; Mr P. Burbon, and his wife; Mris Owen, and Mris Hannah Allen, Booksellers; Mris Manning of Tower-street, Mris Elizabeth Waldo, sister to Mr Iohn Pocock; Mr Ellis and Mris Ellis, Mris Hawkins, Mris Flood, and Mris Thare, and her cousins, Mr Brigs Taylor and his wife, all neer London-stone: and of their neerer neighbours, Mr Lewes Merchant, Mris Palmer, Mris Thurrel, Mris Grace Philips, Mris Dupper, Mris Aires, &c. Besides her Brother Mr Ionathan Vaughan, of Alsoules in Oxford; & her uncle Mr Iames Wight of Southwark, and his wife; and other two Ants, Mris Anne & Mris Mary Wight. Many moe might be named, who have seen her of late, & have bin much affected in hearing of the Lords wonderful workings, in, and towards her: But these are sufficient to witnesse what they have seen, or heard, and beleeve: many of them being persons of note, and of much esteem in London amongst them that fear the Lord. The Naming of them, the Relator desires may not be offensive to any of them, seeing 'tis done for the more assuring this great and memorable worke of Gods mercy, to some, that (like Thomas) will not beleeve it, unlesse (at least) they may speak with some, that have been present with her.
About a monethmonth before her great deliverance, Satan having but a short time so to torment her, her stormes and tempests were greatest of all. She was grievously hurried with Temptations; so terrified, shee could not rest at all, for many dayes and nights together. Whilst shee was able to goe abroad, her Mother would have her goe with her to heare Sermons, on the Lords dayes, and on the Lecture-dayes there. One Lecture-day she was gone forth before her Mother; who missing her, went to the Assembly; and not finding her there, came forth; and sudddenly went, and sent towards Thames to seek her: where shee had been, to have cast her selfe in, but was stayd from it by the power and goodnesse of God: and being found, shee had a command on her spirit to goe to heare that Sermon, and her Mother coming to her, shee readily yeelded to goe with her Mother to the Lecture there. Wherein was proved, what great favour God will shew towards the stock of the Iews; that he will grass multitudes of them into their own Olive, pardoning their sinnes against Christ, restoring them to great dignity, &c. He that preached, went in to Mris Wights house there, after the Sermon; and spake with her daughter, asking her, if the Lord spake any peace to her thereby. Shee answered, shee would not for all the world, but shee had heard that Sermon. Being asked, why so? Shee said, That God will shew mercy to the Iewes; and they are the basest people on earth; that so hate the very name of Christians, and much more Christ himselfe: and yet that God will call them; This supported her a little at that present; but it stayed not with her, and shee was againe under horrid Temptations, to beleeve there was no God, no Devill, no Heaven, and no Hell, but what shee felt within her.
One day being strongly carried on in that temptation, that there was no other Hell, but here in the conscience; As that famous Mris Hanywood had said and done with a Venice Glasse, (who said shee was as sure to be damn'd, as that was to break; and therewith threw it from her to break it; & yet it brake not;) so did shee with her little white drinking cup, an earthen cup; shee said, As sure as this cup shall breake, there is no other Hell: and therewith she threw the cup with violence, against the far side of the chamber; and though it light against the wood, it brake not. Her mother took it up, & said, Loe here childe, it is not breke. Shee got it again, and suddenly said so, & did with it so again, & againe; and once against the edge of the door. Thus shee struggled, and did foure or five times, and yet it brake not; but at the fift time, a little nip brake out. And now since the Lord hath created peace to her, shee hath desired to drinke still out of that her little cup: till their Water-bearer unawares cast it downe, and then it brake all to pieces.
In her despairing fits, shee severall times would turne to the places in Iob, & in Ieremy, where they cursed the day of their birth; and shee said to this effect; Iob cursed the day wherein he was borne, and said, Wherefore hast thou brought me forth of the womb? Oh, that I had given up the ghost, and no eye had seen me. Shee turning to the places, Iob 3.3. Iob 10. 18. And (Ier. 20. 14. to the end) Ieremy cursed the man that brought tidings of his birth, with bitter curses, because his mothers womb was not his grave, and said, Wherefore came I out of the womb, to see toile and sorrow, that my dayes should be consumed with shame? But she said, Have not I much more cause to say so, then they had? for they were in a blessed condition: but I am curs'd, and must be a fire-brand of Hell for ever.
These and many other desperate expressions, shee frequently used; especially in the last monethmonth of her sorrows. When they encreased daily, so that her soule was exceedingly troubled, and shee was, as it were all shattered to pieces. And shee was so weary of her life, and of her selfe, and of everything, shee was never at such a passe, in such extremitie, in all her life before.
Her tender and good Mother, attending on her continually day and night, to prevent her mischieving her selfe; being still upheld with great hopes, that the Lord in his good time, would come in to her with his consolations; yea, shee was verily perswaded so, (as was also her Brother in Oxford;) And this made her sore taske the more easie; which els had been intolerable. Yet when this extremitie had continued long, so that for many dayes and nights together, her mother had taken no rest. At last shee was even wearied out with continuall watchings; and to the end her self might enjoy some rest, to prevent harme to her selfe, shee had spoke to a friend, desiring that her daughter might be for a little season with her; which her friend was very willing unto; and her daughter was desirous to goe with her, that her Mother might enjoy rest. But the Lord prevented both in his goodnesse. For when her friend was come, her daughter was taken with such an exceeding trembling, and such extremity of sorrow and trouble and weaknes, that shee was not able to goe with her. A forerunner of her deliverance.
Then her Mother procured a maid that feared God, to help to look to her, who came that same day of her so trembling, being Tuesday April 6. When the maid beforesaid came to her, she found her weeping most bitterly, & wringing her hands grievously, saying, I am a Reprobate, a Castaway, I never had a good thought in all my life. I have been under sinne ever since I can remember, when I was but a childe, &c.
This heavinesse was greatest, this night was darkest of all, when the day, the joyfull time of her deliverance was neer at hand. And like as at the beginning of her grievous despairing, about foure yeares before, upon those two sinnes beforesaid, a great trembling fell upon her at the beginning of her deep despaire and trouble: so now, at the ending thereof, the like trembling fell upon her; such as shee never had, at any other time. And now, thus trembling exceedingly, and weeping and wringing her hands; shee said to this effect: My earthly Tabernacle is broken all to pieces; and what will the Lord doe with me? If I should hang on Gibbets, if I should be cut in pieces, if I should dye the cruellest death that ever any did, I have deserv'd it; I would still justifie God: aye if he cast me to hell. (Thus it was with patient Iob; He humbled himselfe, and justified the Lord, when his restoring was at hand.) Her hands and her feet were clunched, so as shee could not stand. Shee was tempted and sore urged to blaspheme God and dye. And when shee was ready to speak, her tongue was smitten. Afterward shee being laid down, shee said to her Mother, Ile lye still, and hear what God will say to me: He will speak Peace, Peace. If God will speak a word of Peace at the last moment, I should be contented. Then shee desired them that none might trouble her, but that shee might lie in peace. And shee lay still, as in a sleep, (or as in a trance rather,) from that tuesday night, April 6. till the last day of that week (cald Saturday) at night; except when shee cald for a little water to drink, and drunk two or three cups of water. No other sustenance shee took all that time. And this was the time of love; when The Exceeding Riches of Grace was advanced.
April 10. 1647. that Saturday at night, about midnight, or after midnight, shee began to expresse the first expressions of comforts, of such soule-satisfying comforts, that ever shee so manifested: [though her soule enjoyd them from that Tuesday night before; as since her Trances ceas'd, shee hath declared.] Even now, when all mans help faild, and when all meanes before used could not doe it; and when now shee was made uncapable that way to receive it, being now struck both blind, and deafe: her eyes being fast closed up, wrapt up together: [A. Saul (who is called Paul) when the Lord converted him, was three dayes without sight, and neither did eat, nor drinke, Act. 9. 9.] And thus shee began: My soule thirsts for the water of life, and I shall have it: My soule thirsts for the water of life, and I shall have it, (foure times in ardency of spirit uttering those words, then adding) a little water good people, a little water. So shee drank two or three of her little cups of water. Then shee sate up, and with a most sweet and heavenly countenance, and with much brokennesse of heart, in an humble melting manner, Teares sometimes trickling downe, shee spake with a low voice, as followeth.
Ah, that Iesus Christ, should come from the bosome of his Father, and take the nature of man upon him! and come in such a low estate; and lie in a Manger aLuk. 2. 7.! There's three sorts of people in the world; a higher sort, and a middle sort, and a lower sort: Christ came to the lowest soule; he lay in a Manger; a contemptible place. Doe you not see an excellency in him bPhil. 3. 8.? Do you not see an excellency in him? I tell you, there's more excellency in him, in his lowest state, his meanest state, then in the world; aye, then in a thousand worlds. Who came he to dye for? for sinners; aye for the greatest sinners, the chiefest sinners, the chiefest sinners c1 Tim. 1. 13-15. Luk. 18. 14.? A dying Christ for a denying Peter; a dying Christ, for a denying Peter; a dying Christ, for a denying Peter. Peter denied him, and yet he dyed for him dMat. 26. 72. Luk. 22. 31, 32.. Goe tell Peter! Goe tell PetereMark. 16. 7.! Ah Peter! And then shee paused a while, as admiring it: and proceeded thus: For a Peter! for a Mary Magdalen! for a Theefe on the Crosse! that none should despaire: a crucified Christ, for a crucified Theefe! a crucified Christ, for a crucified Theefe! A persecuting Saul, becomes a beloved Paul! for the chiefest sinners! the chiefest sinners! Not the proud Pharisie, but the poore Publican fJoh. 5. 40.. No sin separates from Christ, but the sin of Vnbeliefe. And this is the Faith, beleeving a full Christ, to a nothing Creature: a full Christ, to a nothing Creatures: a full Christ, to a nothing Creature gJoh. 1. 16. 2 Cor. 12. 31.: To me, the chiefest of sinners: yet I obtained mercy *Shee meant, being then in unbeliefe.through unbeliefe: Christ came not to finde faith, but to give faith: Christ came in to me, when I was in my unbeliefe. (Then shee said pausing.) There's a fountaine open, for Judah, and for Jerusalem; for sin, and for uncleannesse. A fountain open, for Judah, and for Jerusalem, for sin, and for uncleannesse hZach. 13. 1.. A fountaine, not streames, but a fountain: open, an open fountaine: if a doore stand shelving, you cannot come in, but you must thrust to come in: but if it stand wide open, then there's freedome for you to goe, freedome for you to goe. Its open *The house of David, is of Iudah, Mat. 1.1,2.6.for Judah; Judah that play'd the Harlot, yet God saith to Judah, Returne, though thou hast play'd the Harlot with many lovers, returne, for I am married to thee iJer. 3. 1. 14.. For Judah, and for Jerusalem: and what was Jerusalem? her skirts were fu'l of bloud, her streets were full of bloud kJer. 2.34. 2 King. 21.16.. Yet the fountain is open for Judah, and for Jerusalem. For sin, and for uncleannesse: for all sin, for the greatest sinne, the chiefest sinne and sinners. Who is this fountaine? Iesus Christ, he is this fountain *Joh. 7.37. Rev. 1. 5.: a filling fountaine, and never dry;lLuk. 1. 53. a filling fountaine, and never dry; a filling fountaine, and never dry. Who is a God like to thee? pardoning sin mMic. 7. 18., all sin, sin past, present, and to come nHeb. 10. 10-14.: not onelyonly pardoning sin, but passing by the transgression of his heritage. Passing by daily sins, and frailites: he retains not his anger for ever; He is slow to wrath; bist he delights in mercy: He is slow to nothing but to wrath; but he is swift to mercy. His wrath is but a little, in a little wrath: and what's that? but with everlasting kindnesse will he shew mercy oIsa. 54. 8.. His mercy, and his kindnesse is for ever, for ever. Christ was first crucified, before he was glorified pLuk. 24. 26. Rom. 8. 17.. Before yot receive a Christ glorified, you must receive a Christ crucified. [Thus the Lord opened her mouth to speak, much of it in the words of the holy Scriptures, April 10 or 11. and so also April 13, and 15, and 17. April 19, 20. 25. &c. as hereafter followeth; though shee remain'd deafe and blind til April 19, from April 6: except part of April 15. and 17. (the Wonder followeth ☞) nor could shee see to read by reason of the weaknesse of her eyes, til about the midst of May, nor wel then, til Iune 11. ☞ But as our Lord Jesus promised to his Disciples, that his Spirit should teach them all things, and should bring to their remembrance what he had said unto them, (Joh. 14. 26.) So now he thus far graciously perform'd it to her. Shee neither cited Chapter, nor Verse now; nor usually afterward. Her own words being writ down by the Relator first, he then added (in a Parenthesis) such places of Scripture as were suitable to them, for better satisfaction to many: the letter a1 Joh. 3.8., bHeb. 2. 14., cRev. 22.20., &c. with the proofs, are suitable to her own words preceding, where the like letter is.]
Those her gracious expressions beforesaid, (and moe to the like effect) shee uttered after midnight, April 10 or 11. and then ceased, and lay downe: and continued silent from April 10. till the 13th, being Tuesday at night following, neither speaking, nor eating, nor drinking any thing in the meane while.
When her Mother had moved her to take somewhat, laying her hand upon hers, (for shee heard not what was said to her;) shee spake as one troubled at it, and said, Why doe you hinder my Communion with God. And remained troubled, sighing about it, for some time after: which caused a forbearing to urge her therein.
Tuesday-night April 13. first having started suddenly, shee said: The Devill fights with me, as he did with Michael, and his Angels *Rev. 12.7.14.. Doe you not see him? Doe you not see him? [and shee struck with the back of her hand from her; and thus proceeded;] But the Angel shall prevaile, the Lyon of the Tribe of Judah, hath overcome him. The Accuser of the Brethren is cast out: The Accuser of the Brethren is cast out: The Accuser of the Brethren is cast out *Rev. 12.7.14.. Iesus Christ came to destroy the works of the Devill a1 Joh. 3. 8.. He took our nature upon him, that he might be partaker of our sufferings bHeb. 2. 14.. [Then shee added] Come Lord Iesus; Come Lord Iesus cRev. 22.20.: But why say I, Come? He is come, he is come, he is come: He hath dispossessed the strong man dLuk. 11.22., and hath taken possession of my soule, and will eJoh. 14. 16. 23.dwell with me, for ever, for ever, for ever. How neer are the Saints to Christ? They are his Iewels fMal. 3. 17.: Nay, they are his signet on his right hand: Nay, they are his seale on his heart gCant. 8. 6.: they lye in his bosome. When you take a thing out of a mans bosome, you cannot take it, but you must touch the man: (clapping her hand on her breast.) That that I admire most is, that Christ took our nature, he took our nature. Men and Angels admire it: aye and Devils too, if they can. When the Lord doth any great thing, he puts his I to it: I, even I am he hIsa. 43. 25.. I'le make a New Covenant iJer. 31. 31-34.: I'le write my Law in their heart: I'le pardon your sinnes: I'le doe them away as a thick cloud kIsa. 44. 22.. I change not, therefore are you not consumed †Mal. 3.6.. Ah, what a foolish creature am I? I could not endure to heare one speak of the Devill, and I was as bad as he l1 Joh. 5. 10., in distrusting of God, that dyed for me. Oh, that the world knew Iesus Christ mJoh. 4. 10.! Sure they would not distrust him, they would not despight him, they would not persecute him. Christ taught Simon how to beare the Crosse: he bare it first himself. I was found of them that sought me not, and to the Nation that looked not after me, I said; Behold me, Behold me nIsa. 65. 1.. Then speaking somewhat louder, shee said; oAs foreign (Holy, holy) is repeated 9 times in the Greek of Plantins Edition, which is coūsed the best)Love him, Love him, &c. These words shee repeated nine or ten times, in ardency of affection. (oRev. 4.8.Prov. 8. 17. 21.) Then shee desired a little water to drink, [shee never having loved strong drinke, nor wine, nor strong water, since shee was borne: of late small beer, or water was her usuall drink: but now, since Saturday the 27th of March 1647. (when shee took a little broth) till this day of the writing of part hereof, being May 19. These 53. dayes together, shee hath taken no outward sustenance at all, but onelyonly two or three or foure cups of fair water at a time, and once of … a little broth, (and casting it up again, unable to keep it,) and taking this also onelyonly once in two days, or in three dayes or more, between the times of her taking thereof, never taking it two dayes together: And yet shee looks better now, then shee did seven or eight weeks agoe.] Desiring water, shee said, Give me a little water good people; Christ hath given you water freely. Then shee drank her little white cup full once, and againe: and said, I pray you give me some more: Iesus Christ when he turned water into wine, be turned not cups full, or glasses full; but sirkins sull aJoh. 2. 6.. If you giuegive a cup of cold water as to a Disciple, you shall not loose your reward bMat. 10.42.. Then shee drank two cups more: and proceeded thus in the same tender-hearted manner. As I live saith the Lord, I will not the death of a sinner. He hath sworn it; he hath sworn it, that he delights not in the death of a sinner cEzec. 33. 11.. He hath said, Ile never leave thee, no, Ile never forsake thee, no *dHeb. 13.5. foreign. [Thus shee added the Emphasis, No; that is more in the Greek, then in our Translation: though shee be no Grecian:] and then added: What am I? a poor, empty, disconsolate, sinfull, vaine, contemptible worme: a poor, wretched, empty, unthankfull, sinfull, vile, contemptible worme, to tread upon. Yet hath Iesus Christ loved me. That, that I admire most, is, that Iesus Christ should dye for such a one eRom. 5.6-8, 9..
Then being sensible of her bodily ilnesse, having kept her bed since April 6. Shee said: I am sore from the crown of the head, to the foot; but tis nothing, tis nothing. When Iesus Christ was in the world, he cured bodies, and not bodies onelyonly, but soules too.
Then turning her selfe in the bed, shee said: Now I have my desire; I desired nothing but a crucified Christ, and I have him. I desired nothing but a crucified Christ, and I have him; a crucified Christ, a naked Christ; I have him, and nothing els. I am sore all over; I can neither heare, nor see; I desired him so, and I have him so, and I have nothing els. And said, Wee should be as well content to beare he crosse of Christ, as the crown fGal. 6. 14. Act. 2…. 24.. For he was made perfect by suffering gHeb. 2. 10., and he had no sin: it was for us Therefore wee should be contented to beare the Crosseh1 Pet. 2. 21, 22.
Hah, Had I known this, I would not have been in such a condition as I was, (meaning it seems, in murmuring, and not waiting patiently the Lords time:) But Gods time is the best time, to reveale himselfe, and to open mine eyes to see, and mine ears to hear; and he gives power to wait.
Was I afraid to name the Devill? Nothing but free Grace, makes the difference between me and the Devill. All's free, mercy free, and goodnesse free, and love free. The Lord proclaimed his own Name, he cald himselfe, Gracious, Mercifull, Long-suffering iExod. 34. 6..
Ah, how sick am I at the heart! what a stitch I have. Soon after shee said; I thank you for giving me the water, Iesus Christ hath given you water. He hath given you, and he will give you more.
Shee said also; God hath two thrones: one is in the highest Heavens; the other is in the lowest hearts. He dwels as truly in the lowest hearts, as in the highest Heavens; in the poorest contemptible heart kIsa. 66. 2.. When Solomon built a Temple, he said; The Heavens of Heavens cannot contein thee: and how shall this house that I have built l1 King. 8. 27.? But God builds a house for himselfe to dwell in: and he dwels in it, for ever, for ever, for ever. Doe not you know, that God hath two Thrones? The highest Heavens, and the lowest hearts! Happy is that people that is in such a case, whose God is the Lord, whose joy is their strength mPsal. 144. 15.. And so saying, shee smiled, her eyes being still fast closed. So shee lay still, and was not heard to speake any more, from that Tuesday till Thursday following.
Thursday, April 15. 1647.
This day, about 7 of the clock in the morning, shee began thus: Daniel in the Lyons den; the three children in the siery farnace nDan. 6. end: Dan. 3.26, 28.; the Lord delivered them, and so he doth me. Then calling for water to drink, shee said again, (as formerly,) Christ hath given you water to drink freely: give me water freely: so shee drank three or foure times her little cup full of water. And shee still remaining deaf, and with her eyes fast closed up, shee said; Have not I a Mother some where? I pray you pray her to pardon me, the murmurings against her. For nothing els troubles me. God hath pardoned. Hath the Creator pardoned, and shall not the Creature? Thus speaking, the teares ran fast down her checks for a great while: and shee said; When the prodigall came home, his earthly father pardon'd him oLuk. 15. 20. 32., and his heavenly Father pardon'd him. And will not my Mother pardon me? If shee should, its not that, will doe me good. If shee will not, it lyes heavy upon me. But God hath pardon'd mee.
[Another time, when many were present, shee said thus, with teares trickling down; If any did know, what it is to murmure against a God, and against a Parent, and felt for it what I have felt; they would never doe it. Nothing more burdens me, then my murmurings and disobedience against my Mother. This shee spake, weeping. [What a warning is this to all children, that have murmured or been disobedient against father or mother, to repent in time, and seek pardon, and mercy for helpe against it; least it be as heavy a burthen to them, when they are in trouble, as it hath been to this hand-maid, (and to divers others,) Yet she said, her disobedience was not wilfull, but shee was hurried to it, in the violence of temptation.]
Then shee desired her mother might come to her, to testifie that she had pardon'd her: yet could shee then neither heare nor see: but said, I know a Iacob from an Esau. Her mother came to her, and took her daughters hand, and put it to her own neck, where her daughter felt a skare that was there, through the enemy: whereby her daughter knowing her, cast her head into her mothers bosome, and wept greatly, and kissed her, and stroaked her face, and said, I know you mother; and I love you with another love then I loved you before.
Then shee asked for water, to wash her EYES, desiring she might now see her Mother also, and that shee might heare her mother speak, and tell her, that shee had pardon'd her disobedience. And water being brought, her eyes were wash'd: and they being still fast folded up, Mris Dupper her neighbour in Lawrence Pountney-lane, held open her eyes, and shee saw and knew her mother: and then immediately her EARES also were opened, that shee might heare her mother speake to her, and shee testified to her, that shee had pardon'd her, and lov'd her as her own soule. And then, her heart was at rest, shee was satisfied: Her bearing then continued about halfe an houre, viz. till shee ceased then to speake, and then it was againe taken from her; and her eyes were presently closed up again. In this time of her hearing, her mother told her, that her Brother was come, viz. Mr Ionathan Vaughan; (her mothers son by her former husband;) [Who being then a Student of Alsoules Colledge in Oxford, having remained there severall yeares; was now come to London, to see his Mother, and Sister, and other friends, and was to return thither again shortly. From thence he had lately writ a Consolatory Letter to his Sister, expressing his confidence, that Iesus Christ, the Lyon of the Tribe of Iudah, both could, and would deliver her, &c. Of which, her Mother also was perswaded, and waited for: by which the Lord the more enabled her to bear this sad affliction, that bad so long continued.]
Shee was glad to hear of her Brother, that had mourned and pray'd for her, that he was now come at such a time: and shee desired to see and hear him; But at that time, he was abroad. And before he came, shee had ceased speaking, and then remained without speaking, or drinking, & without sight or hearing, these being again taken from her from that 15. til the 17th of April. On the same 15. day, shee asked if her Brother, or the maid would goe to Mr Simpson, to desire him to come to her. When he came, shee had done speaking; and seemed to be in a trance, and would not speak again, till her time came.
On the same 15th day, before shee ceased, shee further said: I thought I was the bad theef; but now I see, I am as the good theef. I was really crucified with Christ aGal. 2.20.; though I was not in the appearance of any bodily eye, but as I was in the loyns of Adam when he sinned bRom. 5.12. Heb. 7.9. 16.. I was the nailes in his hands and in his feet; and the speare in his side cIsa. 53. 5.. The maid desired her to eat something: shee answered, I cannot; I am full.
Again, shee said; How old am I? [Her Mother saith, she shall be sixteen yeer old in September next, 1647. Shee went on in her speech thus.] Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen: so long I have been a filthy sinner. Now I have been foure dayes in the grave, with LazarusdJoh. 11.39.: (shee having been four yeers in deep despaire:) and now I am risen eCol. 3. 1., to live with Iesus Christ, for ever, in glory. He led Captivitie Captive, and received gifts for men; even for the Rebellions fPsal. 68. 18.. He came to the poore Publican, that could but speak one word: not to the proud Pharisee, that us'd many words gLuk. 18. 13.. Iesus Christ said, The Cup that my heavenly Father gives me to drink, shall I not drink it hJoh. 18. 11.? He drank the dregs, the very dregs; and he had no sin; and shall the Saints think much to sip of the Cup, when he drank of it before us? The yoke of Christ is easie, and his burden is light; but the yoke of sin is heavy, and wrath is heavy. iMat. 11. 28.The yoke of Christ is easie, because Christ helps them to hear it himselfe, and that makes it easie, The Saints shew'd have no sufferings, if it were not for their good kRom. 8. 28. 31.; els they should have no sufferings at all.
Christ comes leaping over the mountaines, and skipping over the hils! There's nothing in the soule, but mountains of sin, and hils mLuk. 3. 5.of corruption: he doth not come running, nor walking, but leaping and skipping, to a poor nHos. 2. 14.bewildred soule: not to a garden ready trim'd he trims it for himselfe, to abide in, for ever, for ever. If wee confesse our sinnes, hee's faithfull and just to forgive us o1 Joh. 1. 9.. One confession, and two things to that, Faithfull and just. Hee'l give water of life to them that thirst pRev. 22. 17.. Not onelyonly water, but water of life. He hides himselfe, that wee may seek the more earnestly after him qHos. 5. last., and that he may reveale himselfe more fully. I that was an enemy, am made an heire with Christ, to live in glory, for ever, for ever. Christ is my Brother, my elder Brother rMar. 3. 35..
How sweet are the Teachings of the Spirit to my soule! Sweeter then the Teachings of men and Angels: They may speak much to the eare, and that's well: but they could not say to my soule, Thy sinnes are pardon'd, and Christ Iesus loves thee.
These and moe heavenly expressions shee uttered in a humble gracious manner that same 15th day. The relating of them thus brokenly, cannot so affect the heart, as to have heard her selfe so tender-heartedly speak them. For this half hour or more of her now speaking, the Lord restored her hearing, wherein shee both saw and heard her Mother, as two days following shee saw and heard her Brother also, whom shee longed to see and heare, and was satisfied. And having thus spoken what shee desired then to say, she ceased, and rested. And then both her sight, and her hearing were againe taken from her. Shee abiding as asleep, but it seems slept little, but in that resting time, much enjoying communion with Jesus Christ, her souls rest. So was shee silent from that morning April 15. till the morning of the 17th day. The night following April 16. shee was very sick labouring for breath, as if shee would have dyed.
April 17. being the last day in the week in the morning, shee asked for water. A little being given her to drinke, shee said; Give mee it freely: Christ hath given me Faith freely, and love freely, and joy in himselfe. And having drunk again, shee proceeded thus.
Wee love him, because he loved us first a1 Joh. 4. 19.: Wee rejoyce in him, because he rejoyced in us first: Wee desire him, because he desired us first. I could not beleeve that I should be saved: but now, if men and Devils stood there, before my eyes, and should tell me, I should not be saved; I would not beleeve them. I see him that's invisible; and look on him, whom I have pierced, and I mourne over him. Doe not you love him? if you see him, as I see him, you would admire him. A sight of him would satisfie Nations. A sparkle of him, is more glorious then the world bPhil. 3. 8. Mat. 17. 2..
This day shee asked againe for Mr Simpson, & for Mr Iessey. Shee answered her selfe, thus; I cannot heare, and why doe I aske a Question. After this, shee remembring her Mother had told her that her Brother was come, shee spake of her Ioseph, [for so shee called him,] and now shee was desirous to see him. And said; Mine eyes have seen my heavenly Ioseph, and why shall I not see my earthly Ioseph? The Lord hath opened my spirituall eyes, and why should I not beleeve, that he will open my bodily eyes? And shee called for water to wash her eyes: and having washed her eyes, her brother being present by her, shee saw him, and took him by the hand, and puld him, and told him of the greatnesse of the love of Christ, saying, Why came he from the bosome of the Father; but to die for sinners? the chiefe of sinners: and that makes the Grace great.
Shee then told him, what condition shee had been in, thus (in a sweet humble manner;) I was at the very brink of Hell; and Iesus Christ puld me out. And how can I but love him? He came for the disobedient, and unholy, and unthankfull: and for murmurers, as I have been aMat. 9. 13.. If any one see and feel what I have seen and felt, they would take heed of murmuring against God and a Parent. You never murmured so much against God, and against my Mother, as I have done; Ah, ah, ah, sighing and weeping as shee spake. But I speake the rather, (said shee) that none should despaire: because I have found mercy b1 Tim. 13-16..
I am not able to expresse how sweet that word is; Behold, O daughter of Ierusalem, thy King, Hab, (smiling at that word,) thy King cometh, meek, meek, cometh meek; riding on an Asse *Mat. 21.5; even on a Colt the foal of an Asse †Job 11.12.: not on a horse ready trim'd: He comes to a wild Asses colt; to one unaccustomed to the yoke, as Ephraim was |Jer. 31. 19, 20.. Yet Ephraim was a deare son, a pleasant childe. They cast their cloths on the Asse: He cast his skirt over me: not a skanty skirt: a skirt that covered all my filthinesse. My beloved is mine, and I am my beloveds. As an Appletree is among the Trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons dCant. 2. 3.. What a pleasant thing is an Appletree, among the Trees of the wood? There's both Protection, and Provision: there's Protection from the beat, under his shadow: and his fruit was sweet to me; there's Provision. Christ is protection, a shelter: a shelter from the storme eIsa. 4.6.. Christ keeps his Church himselfe. Men put others in their Garrisons: but Christ keeps his Church, his own self fPsal. 121. 4, 5.. I that was a far off, far off from peace, am made nigh, by the bloud of the Crosse gEph. 2. 13..
Her brother spake aloud to her, to take somewhat to refresh her body. Shee then heard him, and answered, I cannot; I have what I did desire; I have a crucified Christ: I am so full of the Creator, that I now can take in none of the Creature. I am fild with heavenly Manna hJoh. 6. 33-35.: I am sore from the crown of the head, to the sole of the foot. But let the Lord doe what be will with me: let him take me to his eternall rest, I am content: or leave me in this vaile of misery, I am content iPhil. 4. 11.. Thou art a free agent: Thou workest when thou wilt, and where thou wilt.
Shee said moreover: Let the Lord doe with mee what he will: if he throws me into hell, Ile be contented; because I have deserv'd it kEzr. 9. 13.. But his mercy will save mee in the day of wrath l1 Thes. 1. 10. Eph. 2. 3. 5..
There's no sin separates the soule from Christ, but the sin of Vnbeliefe mJoh. 5. 40.. And this is all the Faith I look after, beleeving a full Christ, to a nothing Creature: a full Christ to a nothing Creature nJoh. 7. 37.. Nothing makes a difference between me, and the Devill, but free Grace, free Grace oEph. 2. 1-8.. He hath not forgot to be gracious: he hath not forgot to be mercifull, though I often said, he had: He hath not forgotten to be gracious, though I said, he had pIsa. 49. 14, 15.. Shee prayed for her beloved Ioseph, her brother, to this effect. Blessed be Joseph of the Lord. The good will of him that dwelt in the bush, be on the head of Joseph, and on the top of the head of him, that was separated from his Brethren qDeut. 33.16..
Shee asked for the same persons that shee had named before; and said; They have sought the Lord for mee, desire them to praise and magnifie the Lord with me. When these came, shee had ceased speaking, and then shee lay still without speaking, or drinking, till the 19th day: having not eaten any thing at all since the 27th of March, nor drunke any thing at all, but two or three of her little cups of fair water, and that onelyonly at once in two or three days, as is beforesaid.
April 19. Shee put her finger to her mouth, desiring water. And one cup was given her; then shee began, thus: God is a refuge and a shield, from the stormes and tempests: He hath avenged me on my adversary, (meaning, the Devill,) that thought to be avenged on me: and I thought he would: but the Lord hath avenged me on him. Shall the unrighteous Iudge doe justly, [meaning, in avenging the widow on her adversary:] and shall not the righteous Iudge do justly? Yea a thousand times more rLuk. 18. 6, 7.. Happy, happy, happy is the people that have the God of Jacob for their Excellency, and whose strength is in the Lord sPsal. 144 15.. Behold, the Lord will come with a strong band: He shall feed the flock like a Shepherd: He shall carry his Lambs in his arme tIsa. 40. 11, 12.. I have born thee from the belly, which have carried thee from the womb, even to thy old age: I am he: and even to hoary haires will I carry thee, uIsa. 46. 3, 4.Ile wait on him, that hides himselfe from the house of JacobwIsa. 8. 17.. He hides himselfe from the House of Jacob: yet they were his people. Thou art worth the waiting for, if one should wait from the day of their birth, to the very day of their death: even one glimpse of thee is worth all. He that walks in darknesse, and seeth no light, let him trust on the Name of the Lord, and stay himselfe upon his God: his God, though he be in darkness, stay on his God. [Isa. 50 10.]
Bodily sustenance being offered to her, shee not having eaten any thing at all during twenty-four dayes last past, nor drunk any thing at all but fair water, and but very little of that. Shee thus answered: Doe you think, I doe not eat? How doe you think I live? Being asked, what shee did eat? Shee said; No eye of man sees it, but the eye of God. None could tast the sweetnesse of the Manna, by looking on it, none but they that eat of it: or of the Honey out of the Rock. The redeemed of the Lord, are a Royall Priesthood, a chosen Generation. He hath made us Kings and Priests unto God, (1 Pet. 2. 9. Rev. 1.6.) More precious then Gold, Gold of Ophir. The Lord hath avenged me on mine enemy, that roared over mee night and day, to have devoured me; but he hath delivered mee. They that know thy Name, will trust in thee, because thou Lord never failest them that seek thee, (Psal. 9. 10.) Before shee called (meaning her selfe,) he answered: whilst shee was asking, he heard, and delivered me from all my feares. Shee asked againe, will not Mr Iessey and Mr Simpson come, to praise and magnifie the Lord with mee? they have prayed for me. Then were her eares opened, that since April 6. had been deafe, except onelyonly at that time that shee longed to heare that her Mother had pardon'd her, and that shee might see and hear her Brother. For then shee being asked, whether shee desired to live, shee heard, and said; I am contented with what the Lord will, though I would rather dye. Being told, Mr Iesse and Mr Simpson desired shee might live. Doe they? said shee: I must doe what the Lord will. The Cup that my Father gives me to drinke, shall I not drink it? Whether to live, or to dye.
Her eyes still being weak, and closed, shee asked, whether it was night or no? it was answered her, it was night. Shee said; There will be a day when there will be no night, but the Lord and the Lamb shall be the light, and walk in the midst of it aRev. 21. 23. 25. 3.. The Lord hath delivered me from my enemy: from the roaring of the Lyon, that roared over me b1 Pet. 5.8.: the Lord hath triumphed over him. And speaking of this, to her mother, shee said: Doe you not say, tis well mother? And praise the Lord? He is able to save to the uttermost, all that come to the Father by him cHeb. 7.25.. You may trust me now Mother, and not be afraid of me, (meaning, of hurting her self with knife, or water, as formerly shee oft had attempted:) for if no body look to me, the Lord will keep me. And the good Samaritan that heal'd my soule dLuk. 10.33., will heale my body too. ☜
To Hannah Guy that looked to her, and watched with her, shee said; The Lord will reward all your labour of love. So shee lay down and spake no more till the next day at night.
April 20. at night, there being divers neighbours and loving friends come together to see her, Mris Collet, Mris Caron, Mris Dupper, the Relator, and divers others, about twelve or moe, which greatly desired to heare her speak, being greatly refreshed with what they had heard of her expressions, (the Lord having been praised in her behalfe, both in that Parish, and in Ab-Church their neighbour-Parish, and els-where, where prayers had been put up in her behalfe;) shee now lying still, and had not spoken two dayes together since April 6.
These desiring if the will of God were so, that they might heare her selfe speak: shee lying with a linnen cloth over her eyes, which were very weak; the maid told her, Mr Iessey was there; (he being in the company, neer to her,) she then began to speak to him, and said; O magnifie the Lord with me, for he hath delivered me from all my feares: not from one, but from all my feares aPsal. 34.4.This shee spake, as all that follows, with a low voice, in a humble, modest, melting manner, her teares sometimes stopping her speech. He and the rest, listned, and were greatly affected in hearing her. It cannot affect so much in hearing it at second hand, as if you had heard her selfe, with such brokennes of heart uttering it. Shee proceeded on thus, (which presently was writ down:) He hath regarded the low estate, *Luk. 1.48.the base bLuk. 1.48.estate of his hand-maid. I rejoyce in him. I mourn over him, whom I have pierced cZach. 12. 10.. It was not Judas or Souldiers so much, as I that pierced him. I thought I was the bad Theef: but he hath said to me as to the good Theef dLuk. 23.43,. Thou shalt be with me in Paradise. The earthly Paradise, was a Type of the Heavenly Paradise. That was fading and lost; but this endures for ever.
O praise the Lord with me, for he hath heard mee, and looked on me, the vilest of sinners, the worst, the chiefest of sinners: On me, that was rebellious, disobedient, unthankfull, unholy; a murmurer, as much as ever the children of Israel in the wildernesse, (the teares oft trickling down, and she stopping, through her weeping,) and their murmuring kept them out of Canaane1 Cor. 10.10., but though I have so murmured, he hath saved me. I was at the very pits brink, at the very brink of hell: and the Lord fetch'd me out. And is not he worthy of praise? The Lamb is worthy to open the Book. For none in Heaven nor earth, neither men nor Angels, could open these brazen gates, this iron door, this hard heart of mine, but he. [putting her hand to her own breast.] When I confest my sin, he forgave me the punishment. I could never confesse my sin, til now that he made known his mercy to me; though I sought it diligently to confesse it. Being asked when was this that see confest her sin? Shee said, Now since I saw his mercy. And now he hath made knowne to me his mercy. Nothing but the sense of his mercy, could ever bring me to confesse my sin fLuk. 15.18.indeed, I would faine have got comfort by mine own workings, my own doings, or from a Creature, and I spake to men: but I never could get comfort by the creature, but the Lord himselfe did it. I could not love him, till he made known his love to me g1 Joh. 4.19.: to me, the chiefest of sinners. If all the sins in all the world, were in one party, I thought it was all nothing to mine. I could not finde any in all the Scriptures that obtain'd mercy, that was in my case. Yes he hath shew'd mercy to me, the chiefest of sinners h1 Tim. 1.15.. O, that he should come from the bosome of the Father, to dye for sinners! for me, the chiefest of sinners. If all the men in the world should have told me, that Christ dyed for me; that my sins were pardon'd, I could not have beleev'd them. But now, if all the men in the world, & Angels & Devils, should tell me they are not forgiven, I would not beleeve them.
What pains did I take in going to men, to have them speak comfort to me, & they could not doe it. But Christ did it in a moment. They that know his Name, will trust in him: they cannot but trust in him iPsal. 9.10.. If the world knew him, they could not but love him. He is the chiefest of ten thousands kCan. 5.10.. He is more to be desired in his lowest estate, then millions of worlds, if millions of worlds were all in one.
Behold, O daughter of Jerusalem: Thy King comes meek, that he might teach his people meeknesse. He came on an Asses Colt: not on a horse finely trim'd; to an untam'd heiser, unaccustom'd to the yoke; (to me, that was ungodly, unprepared) to Ephraim, that was as a wild Asses colt. Surely, after I was turned, I repented lJer. 31. 18, 19.. I could not turne to him, nor love him, till he shew'd his love to me, and turn'd me.
Praise the Lord with me, that hath shew'd mercy on one in so desperate a case as I was in. I could set nothing before me, but curse, and hell, and wrath, night and day. O that others may be are what God hath done for such a one, (Ps. 66.16.) I would none may DESPAIR of Gods mercy, that hath done thus for me. If any did know what it is to murmure against God, and against a Parent, as I have done, and felt what I have felt, they would never doe it. (A like warning is pag. 24.)
The Relator having heard shee now had not eaten any thing at all for twenty-foure dayes or more, and drunk nothing in all this time since April 6. but onelyonly faire water; neither that, but two or three little cups together, once in two or three dayes. He desired her, if shee could, to eat, to preserve life: for when the Lord saith, Thou shalt not kill: he implies the Affirmative, Thou shalt use all good meanes to preserve life. (Jam. 2.11.) And though he, and all those present, were so affected, even to admiration, in hearing a child so speak; yet he wished her to forbear speaking too much; because it spent her, shee being so very weak. Shee said; In rest and returning shall I be saved, in quietnes and confidence shall be my strength mIsa. 30. 15.. I have Manna to eat of, he feeds me with hidden Manna nRev. 2.17.. It was pleasant to the eye oNum. 11. 11.: but they felt no sweetnesse, by looking on it, but by tasting of it. When shee ended speech, shee desired he would praise the Lord with her; which he performed accordingly, those beforesaid being present.
☞[Another time, when one gave her a Poesie, shee looking on it, and smelling its sweetnes, commended the workmanship of God in the severall flowers: saying to this effect; The flowers are all fragrant, and some more fragrant then others, they have different colours, and different smels: and all come out of the earth. So are the Saints, they all are in Christ, and in him they all are sweet and savoury: but are of different strength, and judgement. The strong should beare with the weak, and not despise them.]
April 25. being the Lords day, when many Christians were come to see her, amongst others, Mr & Mris Liggon, the Relator, Mris Iones, Mris Aires, Mris Gr. Philips, and others.
In like humble manner, her tender eyes being covered, and lying still, (as shee had kept her bed, being very weak, since April 6.) with a low voice, as speaking to her selfe, shee said: How sweet is it to my thoughts, that an infinite God, should be a Rock and a Refuge to a finite Creature! a sure Rock and hiding place from all stormes & tempests whatsoever, Ps. 46. 1.
When the man was wounded by theeves, and lay by the way; the Priest and the Levite passed by: they passed by and helped not: The creature comfort failes: and then the good Samaritan helps aLuk. 10 35.. Christ saves, whom none els will or can: and when there's nothing in the Creature to move him. The wounded man did not first desire the Samaritans help. The deeper the wound is, the more honour to him that cures him. He set him on his own Beast, leaves him not to himselfe, to goe where he will: but brought him in, and gave two pence for him. I beleeve that holds out Faith and LovebGal. 5.6.. None cared for him, refuge fail'd, then Christ helps, and take care for him cPs 27.10..
One speaking to her of her former condition, how far shee was then from hope ever to obtaine mercy, shee said; If all the world should be saved, then it may be, I should be one; but els no hopes for me. That Peter, Mary Magdalen, David, Manasses were saved; it was nothing to me: no, if Judas should be saved, yet should not I. All their sin, and Pauls in Persecuting, and the Theefe on the Crosse, and Judas, and all I could read of, or heare of, if all their sins were all put together in one; yet all were not so bad as I. Yet I obtained mercy, that thought my time of mercy was past, & that I was damn'd already through unbeliefe. I said many a time, There's no hope in thy end: and I thought I saw it. I may say, It was good for me to be afflicted, I prize his mercies the more. (Psal. 119. 69.) All terrors could not humble me; but the sight of his mercy did. I could never be kindly humbled till then. It was not mine own fitting, or mine own humbling, but Christs fitting, and Christs humbling; when he looks upon such a one; that humbles. He comes with his power on the soule, and causeth the soule to beleeve. (Eph. 1. 19.)
My tongue was not able to tell the misery I was in before continually: and now my tongue is not able to tell what love and mercy hath been shewed to me, I can never enough expresse his Name. I would faine have been dissolved, to be with him dPhil. 1. 23.. It was a hard thing for me to be content to live here still: but its easie for him to teach, to be willing to live or dye: and he hath taught mee cPhil. 4. 11. 13..
I was so desperate, I cared not what became of me: oft was I at very brink of death and hell: even at the very gates, and they were open for me; and then Christ shut them, and fetch'd me out: as Daniel that was in the Lyons den, but it was his mercy that stop'd the mouth of the roaring Lyon, and delivered me. (Dan. 6.)
The hundreth and seventh Psalme; O that men would therefore praise the Lord for his goodnes, and declare the wonders that he doth for the children of men. I would that Psalm were often read over. The goodnesse of God is unsearchable. How great is the excellency of his Majesty; that yet he would look upon such a one as I! I was full of Terror the week before I kept my bed: I rested not day nor night. I thought no death was bad enough for me. If all kinds of death were put together in one, it was too good for me. I walked continually as in fire and brimstone, for rebelling and murmuring against God, and against a Parent.
When he hides his face, who is able to beare it? and when he gives quietnes, who then can trouble? [Iob 34.29.] I can testifie the truth of both these. He hath spoke the word to me, Thy sins are forgiven thee; I even I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, Isa. 43. 25. Iesus Christ is unchangeable, therefore I was not consumed. Wee may say with admiration, What is man, that thou art so mindfull of him? or the son of man, that thou so regardest him? thou madest him lower then AngelsaPs. 8. is meant of Christ; as Heb. 2.6. to 18 vers. proves.. Iesus Christ took our nature, to take part of our sufferings; and that we should follow him in sufferings, & not think strange. Wee have not a High Priest, that cannot be touched with a feeling of our infirmities bHeb. 2.17, 18. & Heb. 4.15., but he was made like to us, that he might sympathize with us, Blesse the Lord, O my soule! Which forgiveth all thine iniquitie; and healeth all thine infirmity. In my misery my flesh and my bones pined, and consumed away, and I was neer to death. [the Lords chearing the heart doth good like a medicine:] I now recover, strength. I read the Scriptures from a childe: but I understood not what I read till now, that I had the Teaching of the Spirit.
He is worth the waiting for him. There is a blessing pronounced to such, Blessed are all that wait for him. I did not wait patiently for him. I was weary, and could wait no longer. But he is not weary: He faileth not. He lets the Creature goe his way for a time, for his own good, to humble him more, and shew his mercy the more. He hath him in a chaine, and the enemy in a chaine. So he hath the soule, to dispose of it. (My times are in thy hands:) that he might magnifie mercy indeed, and free love indeed. No soule ever was as I have been: I am sure of it. If all the sins of all sinners that I read of, or heard talk of, were in one, it were all short of me. And yet tis his goodnesse that such a one as I, should obtaine mercy. I wish all may take heed of *The like expressions were by H.T. another in London, in sicknesse, Iuly 1. 1646.censuring the vilest creatures that are, seeing the Lord hath done thus for me the vildest Creature: but pitty them with teares of bloud.
One asked her, how long it was since her hearing was restored to her? She answered, A few days agoe, I asked if Mr Simson and Mr Jesse would come to praise the Lord with me? and I found it was restored at that instant.
Part of a former Conference between her, and another young Gentlewoman, Mris A. whilst both were in despaire. They met in Lawrence Pountney, to hear the Lecture, before it began, Mris Sarah saw one walk about and about in a sad habit, and went to her, and asked her how shee did, shee answered; In as sad a condition as ever was any.
Mris Sarah, None is in a Condition like to mine. So they sate together; and after that, they went together, and spake further of their sad conditions: each counting their own state the worse.
Another day, Mris A. said, The Lord knows, that knows all things, that I would rather then all the world, that I were in your condition.
Mris Sarah W. answ.
But if you knew, how desperate my condition is, you would be afraid to change place with me, for you know not my sad sorrows. None in the world can compare with mine. Except you would desire to be in hell, you would not desire to be in my condition.
Mris A.
I must be damn'd.
Mris S.
I am damn'd already, from all eternitie, to all eternitie: its not to doe, but tis done already.
Mris A.
I was a great professor, but I was but an hypocrite, and an hypocrites hope shall perish.
Mris S.
I have bin an hypocrite, a revolter, a backslider.
Mris A.
I know it shall be well with you.
Mris S.
As well as it was with Judas, who repented, and hang'd himselfe: which I must do, before I shall be free from these torments.
At their parting, for a farewell, Mris A. said, I think I shall perish ere I see you againe.
Yet the Lord spared her, and shee came to her againe: and they were somewhat gladded to see each other againe, that could be sensible, each of the others condition.
To sadded soules, some joy it is, to have companions.
Shee had another Conference, April 24. 1647. since shee was comforted, with another Maid being in deep despair, that had heard of her former despair, and her late comforts. The words were to this effect.
Maid.
I am darkened in understanding, and I am tempted to beleeve there is no God, nor no Creation from God.
Mris Sarah W. ans.
So was it with mee, I was so tempted: The very Creation shews there is a God aRom. 1. 19, 20., and yet I could not beleeve it.
Maid said:
Some kept a fast for me yesterday, and I remain as I was still, and therefore I am the more terrified, that no prayers shalbe heard for me.
Mris Sarah W.
So was it with me; I was so terrified when there was no answer of prayers for me, when in my dayes were kept for me: But I was rather worse then better. For I knew no prayers should be heard for a damned Creature. I concluded, I was rejected. But the Lords time is the best time to give an answer bPsal. 88. 9. 16..
Maid.
I have resisted the Spirit. The Lord hath spoken mercy to me, but I have resisted it.
Mris Sarah W.
The day of Sealing was not come: then you could not resist that work when he comes with power cPsal. 110. 3.: els you would make God weaker then you. God would bring you this way about, and hides himselfe, when you have grieved the Spirit, that you may seek him the more earnestly: and that he may give you the surer comforts; and to make himselfe a glorious Name: as in Isa. 63. 10, 11. They rebelled, and vexed his holy Spirit, therefore he fought against them, as an enemy. Then he remembred the dayes of old, when he led them by the right hand of Moses, dividing the water before them, to make himselfe an everlasting Name. That led them through the deep. So through the deepest troubles, till the Spirit of the Lord causeth them to rest, to make himselfe a glorious Name. Though you have rebeld, and vex'd his holy Spirit, what could you doe more? yet saith he, I have carried thee all the dayes of old. Ile be your guide even to death.
Maid.
Its not possible that such a one as I, should find mercy: I look every moment, to be swallowed up.
Mris Sarah W.
But Gods thoughts are not your thoughts, nor Gods wayes, your wayes dIsa. 55. 8.. In the Wildernesse Israel murmured, yet the Rock followed them, not they the Rock, but went from the Rock, yet the Rock followed them; and that Rock is Christ e1 Cor. 10. 4.. So this Rock will follow you in this your Wildernesse.
Maid.
Its not possible; I finde such a wicked heart, that if it were not for feare of wrath or punishment, I should fall into all wickednesse.
Mris Sarah W.
Now you shew you beleeve there is a God. You are not worse then Peter that so denied and forswore him, against his Conscience fMar. 14. 71.: or then Mary Magdalen, that had seven Devils, was full of the Devill gChap. 16. 9.. The Theefe on the Crosse, Persecuting Paul, that persecuted Christ, and my selfe, was so injurious and blasphemous—The chiefe of sinners, yet these found mercy. And what can you be more? You can be but a sinner, and the chiefe of sinners. He dyed for such. He is therefore cald Jesus, because he shall save his people from their sinnes. What people? those that were not a people, these he cals, and these he saves.
Maid.
I am no better for going to the means: and am ready to neglect all.
Mris Sarah W.
I was so terrified, I was not able to goe to the meanes: and then I was terrified for not going to them. I had no rest in either. If I went, salvation was turn'd into condemnation to me. If I went not, it was death; I was on the Rack.
Maid.
None can be in a worse condition then I; full of feares.
Mris Sarah W.
Of late my case was so, that if one had been all day burning in fire, they could not have been in a worse condition.
Maid.
I am in such extremities of late, I am even almost spent, and have nothing to relieve me by.
Mris Sarah W.
So it was with mee of late. When you are at the lowest, Christ is readiest to restore soule and body. If you see your selfe nothing; and see all fulnesse in Christ, you are the neerest to comfort aMat. 18. 19.. The Lord hath done as much for me, as ever for any: as much as for the man that had the Legion of Devils in him: he was cloathed, and in his right mind; he hath cloathed me, and put me in my right mind, and set me at his feet bMar. 5. 15.. God doth away our sins, as a thick cloud, but it wants manifesting to your soule. His time is the best time, therefore wait for him.
Maid.
I am an ungracious creature: I cannot wait any longer.
Mris Sarah W.
But the Lord waits on you. You think you are ungracious: and he waits to be gracious to such as you. There's as much of the power of the Lord seen in upholding a soule in such a condition, as in delivering it.
Maid.
I am utterly lost.
Mris Sarah W.
Not in his account: you must be lost in your selfe, that you may be found in him: He came to seek and to save that was lost aLuk. 19. 10..
Thus shee endeavoured the comforting another, with the Consolations wherewith shee was comforted: yet the poor soule went sad away. And shee being much affected with the others sad condition, pittying her, after shee was gone away; shee desired some that came to see her, to pray for that maid.
After this, came another woman to her, being also in deep despair; having heard of her former despair, and present comforts: and complained to her of her sad condition. To whom shee gave such succouring Answers for upholding and refreshing her weary soule, as shee had done to the former: speaking to her, till shee was very much spent.
Another that came to see her, having heard her so manifest her fulnes of joy and content in God, in such high streines: Told her, shee must expect a change, and had need to lay up in store, against times to come. Shee answered, thus; Sarah W. If I should look to take out of my store, I should quickly be a Bankrupt, a Prodigal, and spend it quickly. But Christ hath in store for me. All my fresh bPsal. 87. 7.. Springs are in him.
May 2. being the Lords day: Many that had heard what the Lord had done for her soule, came to see her, and heard her in a humble sort, with a low voice, (being very weak in body) magnifie the Lord and his Grace to her soule. To one then, shee said as followeth, (which was presently writ.) O magnifie the Lord in my behalfe, that daily compasseth me about with songs of deliverance. I could not endure, but that I see him that's invisible. I could not see him, but that he saw me first, and gave me faith. He loved me, and washed me in his bloud, (Rev. 1.5.) He loved me before I was washed: and because he loved me, therefore he washed me.
He was tempted as we are. He had no need to be tempted, but to succour tempted ones, such poore creatures as I. He takes delight to succour such poor soules. Its our Fathers good pleasure, to give us a Kingdome. Its his good pleasure, he delights in giving us a Kingdome. (Rom. 8. end) Its neither height nor depth, neither Principalities, nor powers, nor any other Creature, that shall separate that soule, that's in union with him. He hath bound the soule to himselfe, with the cords of love, and there shall be no separation from it.
May 3. In the morning, one having spoken to her, shee thus answered: I am not onelyonly fild with the Spirit, but, if one may say it, drunk with the Spirit: it overcomes me. [Alluding, it seems, to Eph. 5. 18. Be not drunk with wine,—but be fild with the Spirit; or to Act. 2. 15-17. These are not drunk—but the Spirit is powred out upon them.]
One said to her, Your enjoyments are more then of many Saints, if theirs were put together in one.
Shee answered; My sufferings have been more then of many. Christ is faithfull in all he hath spoken: he will not faile in one promise. He saith, as our sufferings abound, so our Consolations abound a2 Cor. 1. 5.. There's many Saints have lived threescore yeeres, that have not suffered so much as I have done in one monethmonth. The Lord was my Shield at my right hand, therefore no hurt could come unto me. Christ is in me, the hope of glory bCol. 1. 27.,
The God of peace shall tread Satan under our feet shortly cRom. 16.23.. He shall doe it, he hath done it: I see it done. Though he was strong that possessed this house, a stronger then he hath dispossessed him, and possessed it himselfe dLuk. 11. 21., None could doe it but himselfe: it was too hard for men or Angels. I am silent at the Goodnesse of God. If I had the tongue of men and Angels, I could not tell the terrors formerly, nor my present enjoyments.
Many strangers (good and bad) came to see her, amongst others, there came one with Crochets: and when she was silent, vented some, to others present: at the hearing whereof, shee was troubled and sweat; and at last shee burst out, saying: Let them that have received Christ, as the Truth is in Iesus, speak of nothing, but the freenesse of the love of God; and of a full Christ, to a nothing Creature: and not of whimsies.
May 4. When Mris Langham, Colonel Langhams wife, with some other, came to see her, and spake to her, desiring to heare of the dealings of God with her: shee answered, telling her of Gods abundant Goodnes to her, to this effect:
Iesus Christ found me, and loved me, before I could love him. He came to me, in the most disconsolate condition that ever soule was in. When I must either be delivered, or be destroyed, I could abide no longer; then Christ came. Christ is my life, and my life is hid with Christ in God rCol. 3.3. 1 Joh. 3. 2.. And when Christ shall appeare, I shall appeare with him in Glory, How admirable is it, that he should dye, to give mee life! He is to be admir'd in his Saints. He came to give Faith to a faithlesse soule; and to soften hard and unbeleeving hearts. He brought such as were aliens and enemies sCol. 1. 21., to be neer in himselfe: and is not this to be admir'd?
He first finds the soule, and then the Spouse saith, Shee had found him whom her soule loveth. He destroys selfe; righteous selfe, and all selfe, that he alone might have the glory. He leaves nothing for the Creature to boast in. Its his Wisedome, that he alone might have the Glory. Turne thou me, and I shall be turned; Heale me, and I shall be healed; Convert me, and I shall be converted; So many soule hath found by experience.
One told her, Its said;aEzek. 18. 31, 32. Turne yee, why will yee dye, O house of Israel?
Shee answered; Its Christ that comes with a power in the Word, and turnes them. And the Church knew her own unsufficiency to returne, and therefore shee saith; Turne me, and I shall be turned bJer. 31. 18.. Behold, he comes leaping over the mountaines, and skipping over the hills. He makes rough places plaine; and raiseth up valleyes cLuk. 3. 3.. Its easie for him to pardon mountainous sins, multitudes of sins, as one sin. He came to me, and pardon'd me, though my sins were as the stars in Heaven for multitude. He hath delivered me, from the hard bondage, wherein I was made to serve. He appear'd to me in the dark and thick Cloud, a thick Cloud indeed; One beam of the Sun of righteousnesse, dispeld it in a moment. What a sinfull creature was I? I never read of any that was in so desperate a condition as I: And he hath delivered me, from all my feares: not from one or two, but from all my feares. Therefore I desire high and low, rich and poore, to magnifie the Lord, and to praise his Name in my behalfe: that he hath looked on the low and base estate of his handmaid. His works praise him; his Saints blesse him, (Ps. 145. 10.) Especially the work of the New Creation in the soule. I could beleeve nothing before, but that there was no Hell but in this life: I had no rest; no rest in hearing, nor reading,—and then he made me rest on himselfe dMat. 11.28..