Invisibles Realities Demonstrated in the Life and Death of John Janeway, Chapter 9
CHAP. IX.
His Retire into the Country; and His firſt Sickneſs.
HE now leaves the Doctors houſe, and retires himſelf into the Country, to his Mother and eldeſt Brother; who did not ſpare to uſe their utmoſt diligence and tenderneſs to recruit the decays of nature: but hard ſtudy, frequent and earneſt prayers, and long, and intenſe meditations, had ſo ruinated this frail Tabernacle, that it could not be fully repaired: yet, by Gods bleſſing upon care, and art, it was under-propped for ſome time.
Whilſt he was in this declining condition, in which he could have little hopes of life; he was ſo far from being affrighted, that he received the ſentence of death in himſelf with great joy; and wrote to his deareſt relations, to diſpoſe them to a patient compliance with ſuch a diſpenſation, as might ſeparate him and them for a while: And to wean their affections from him, he ſolemnly profeſſed, that as for himſelf, he was aſhamed to deſire and pray for life. O, ſaith he, Is there any thing here, more deſirable than the injoyment of Chriſt? Can I expect any thing below, comparable to that bleſſed Viſion! O, that Crown! that Reſt which remains for the people of God! and (bleſſed be God) I can ſay, I know it is mine. I know that when this Tabernacle of Clay ſhall be diſſolved, that I have a houſe, not made with hands; and therefore I groan, not to be uncloathed, but to be cloathed upon with Chriſt. To me to live is Chriſt, and to die is gain.
I can now, through infinite Mercy, ſpeak in the Apoſtles Language, [I have fought the good fight, henceforth there is laid up for me a Crown incorruptible that fadeth not away.]
When he perceived one of his neareſt Relations diſtreſſed at the apprehenſions of his Death; he charged him, not to pray for his Life, except it were purely with a reſpect to the Glory of God. I wiſh (ſaid he) I beg you, to keep your minds in a ſubmiſſive frame to the will of God concerning me. The Lord take you nearer to himſelf, that you may walk with Him; to Whom if I go before, I hope you will follow after. Yet after this, he was through mercy finely recovered, and his friends were not without ſome hopes of his living to be eminently inſtrumental for Gods glory, in his generation.
After he was recovered in ſome meaſure, he fell again to his former practice of ingaging deeply in the ſecret & great duties of Religion, which he conſtantly practiſed (except when God diſcharged him by ſickneſs:) ſecret prayer, at leaſt three times a day ſomtimes ſeven times, yeamore; beſides family, and Colledge-duties, which were before hinted, he ſet a part an hour every day for ſet and ſolemn meditation; which duty he found unſpeakably to improve his graces, & to make no ſmall addition to his comforts: His time for that duty was moſt commonly in the evening, when he uſually walked into the field, if the weather would permit; if not, he retired into the Church, or any empty ſolitary room. Where (obſerving his conſtant practice, that, if poſſible, I might be acquainted with the reaſon of his retiredneſs) I once hid my ſelf that I might take the more exact notice of the intercourſe, that, I judged, was kept up between him & God. But, O what a ſpectacle did I ſee! Surely, a man walking with God, converſing intimately with his Maker, and maintaining a holy familiarity with the great Jehovah. Me-thought, I ſaw one talking with God; me-thoughts, I ſaw a ſpiritual Merchant in an heavenly Exchange, driving a rich trade for the treaſures of the other world. O what a glorious ſight it was! Me-thinks, I ſee him ſtill; how ſweetly, did his face ſhine! O, with what a lovely countenance did he walk up and down, his lips going; his body oft reaching up, as if he would have taken his flight into Heaven! His looks, ſmiles, and every motion ſpake him to be upon the very Confines of Glory. O, had one but known what he was then feeding on! Sure, he had meat to eat which the world knew not of! Did we but know how welcome God made him when he brought him into his banqueting-houſe! That which one might eaſily perceive his heart to be moſt fixed upon, was, The infinite love of God in Chriſt, to the poor loſt Sons and Daughters of Adam. What elſe meant his high expreſſions? What elſe did his own words to a dear friend ſignifie, but an extraordinary ſenſe of the freeneſs, fulneſs, and duration of that love? To uſe his own words, God (ſaith he) holds mine eyes moſt upon his Goodneſs, his unmeaſurable-Goodneſs, and the Promiſes which are moſt ſure, and firm in Chriſt. His love to us is greater, ſurer, fuller than ours to our ſelves. For when we loved our ſelves ſo as to deſtroy our ſelves, he loved us ſo as to ſave us.