Marriage with a Defense of the 32nd Article of the Church of England, Chapter 5
CHAP. V. Of the Education of Children.
CHildren, of themſelves a bleſſing, prove a croſs and a curſe too, unto their Parents, if not cultivated or well managed by a good Education. Teach a Child the way he ſhould go, and he'll not forſake it when he is old: Quo ſemel eſt imbuta recens ſervabit …dorem Teſta diu. Although ragged Colts prove often good horſes, yet let the horſes run till they are ſix or ſeven years old, wild and unbroken, it will be a hard matter to tame and manage them. 'Tis good that a man bear the yoke in his youth: Blaſpheme not, ſaying, A young Saint will prove an old Devil; rather, a young Devil is like to prove an old Beelzebub. You may bend the Oak as well as the Oſier, whilſt it is young and tender: Now, now is the time, the ſeaſon, the very nick, article and joynt of time, when you may turn your Children which way you pleaſe. Oh then, now teach them, mind them to remember their Creator in the days of their youth; bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Let God have the firſt-fruits of their time, the flower of their age; dedicate them to God betimes, by engaging them to him and his ſervice in the firſt place. God would have Children preſented to him in the Temple at forty days old, our Saviour ſaith, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for of ſuch is the kingdom of God: And our Lord was pleaſed with the Childrens Hoſanna's, as he rode in Triumph to Jeruſalem: Out of the mouth of babes and ſucklings thou haſt ordained or perfected praiſe, ſaith the Pſalmiſt, Pſal. 8.
God of old call'd to young Samuel again and again, whilſt he was a Child, rather than to old Eli. We keep a day to Commemorate the young Infants of about two years old, that were murthered for the cauſe of Chriſt, as well as of St. Stephen the Protomartyr, and of St. Paul the aged, that were put to death for the name of the Lord Jeſus. God of old ſeal'd the males amongſt the Iſraelites at eight days old for his own, his peculiar Treaſure. And if God will own your Children, why do not ye Parents preſent them to him? Children within the pale of the Church, God looks on as his Children: And if ye take his Children, your Sons and Daughters which you brought unto him, and offer them to Molock, to Baal, to Idols, or bring them forth, and up, to the Murtherer, or the Abaddon, the Deſtroyer of ſouls, by evil or careleſs Education, a thouſand times better had it been they had never been born. How will Children in Hell curſe their Parents, that by their evil counſel, or evil example, or want of good Precepts, and good Paterns, brought them to the place of torment? Oh therefore teach them, by inſtilling good Principles into them betimes, and guide them by your good example; always be able to ſay to them, Be ye followers of us, as we are of Chriſt; or, Walk ſo, as ye have us for an example; drop good and precious inſtructions daily into theſe narrow mouth'd Veſſels, and when they are old, they will retain the good infuſed into them in their young days. Chaſten them if they offend, if you love them, but in meaſure, that it may appear you love them. Correct them, but not in anger, leſt they be diſcouraged, leſt you provoke them to wrath alſo; leſt your bitterneſs to them, imbitter their ſpirits towards you. Teach them Affability, Courteſie, Gentleneſs, Humility, that as you love them, ſo may every body elſe; that ſo they may paſs their time in peace and quietneſs, both at home, in their own boſoms, and abroad in the world.
Next after they are fitted by a competency of Learning, for ſome honeſt and ſuitable Calling, be ſure you diſpoſe of them accordingly, conſidering what Biſhop Sanderſon hath left on Record in one of his Sermons, that Idle Gentlemen, and idle Beggars, are the peſts of the Commonwealth: Let yours therefore be careful to maintain ſome honeſt Trades or Callings, that they be not unfruitful. Theſe things are good and profitable unto men. Whereas the Grecians would have all Children to be bound to keep their Parents when old, the Athenians put in this Exception, Ʋnleſs their Parents had taught them no Trade whereby to get their living. Every man, ſaith Mr. Perkins, beſides his general Calling as a Chriſtian, muſt have ſome perſonal, particular Calling to walk in, either publick or private, either in the Church, or Commonwealth, or Family. Adam his perſonal Calling aſſigned him by God, was to dreſs and keep the Garden; and Chriſt the ſecond Adam, lived with Joſeph, ſaith Mr. Perkins, in the calling of a Carpenter: And hereupon it was, that the Jews ſaid, Is not this the Carpenter, the ſon of Mary? Mark 6.3. Nor is it a calling to devote your Sons and Daughters to be Monks and Nuns in the Monaſteries beyond Seas. The ancient Church, ſaith the ſame Author, condemned all Monks for Thieves and Robbers, that beſides the general duties of Prayer and Faſting, did not withal, employ themſelves in ſome other Calling for their better maintenance,
Give your Children then Callings: If you ask what Callings? I anſwer, 1. according to their Natural inclinations: And ſecondly, according to their Natural parts and gifts. Thoſe Children which excel in the gifts of the body, bring them up to Mechanical Arts; thoſe Children which excel in gifts of the mind, bring them up to the Liberal Sciences, to Academical Learning, that they may be ſerviceable thereby in Church or Commonwealth. Athanaſius that famous Biſhop, was firſt put to Learning, becauſe he was found by the Sea ſide, doing the part of a Miniſter amongſt a company of little Children like himſelf, examining and baptizing them according to the ſolemn Order uſed in the Congregation. The Athenians, before they placed their Children in any Calling, did firſt bring them into a Publick Place, where Inſtruments of all ſorts were laid; and they obſerv'd, with what kind of Inſtrument they took delight; to the like Art after did they apply them with good ſucceſs. Chriſtians may do well to follow the example of the Heathens in this ſo rational a practice: Chooſe Callings for your Children for which they are fitted, and to which they are inclined; they then will delight in ther Employment, and their lives will be comfortable to them, their very Callings will be Recreations.
After you have educated your Children, and trained them up in ſome honeſt Calling, provide timely a ſuitable Match for them. 'Tis the Parents duty to diſpoſe of their Children in Marriage; as appears plainly by theſe Scriptures, Deut. 7.3. Exod. 34.16. 1 Cor. 7.38. Where obſerve, ſaith my Author, that the Commandment touching the Marriage of the Child, Mr. Perkins.is given to the Parent, not the Child. Thus Abraham took a wife for his ſon Iſaac, and Iſaac ſuffer'd himſelf to be diſpoſed of by his Father; afterwards Iſaac commanded his ſon Jacob to marry in the houſe of Laban, Gen. 28. and Jacob obeyed. I do not mean, that Parents may abſolutely command their Child to marry this or that perſon, but to marry one thus or thus qualified, according to Rules of Scripture, and right Reaſon and Prudence, I ſay they may. Great is the power of Parents over their Children. In ſome Countrys, Parents have power of life and death over their Children. Amongſt the Jews, the Parents might ſell their Children, to free themſelves out of debt; and in caſe Children were diſobedient and incorrigible, their Parents might bring them forth to be ſtoned to death by Gods Law.
And this brings us to treat of the next Head or Argument (viz.) The duty of Children towards their Parents, Honour thy Father and Mother, ſaith the Law; Which is the firſt Commandment with promiſe, ſaith the New Teſtament, Epheſ. 5. Parents muſt have a double honour, namely, of Reverence, and of Maintenance; Thou ſhalt fear thy Mother and thy Father. And again, according to our Saviour's Interpretation, the Phariſees Corban non obſtante, Children were bound to provide for their Parents, foreign, to do or ſhew kindneſs to their Father and Mother; yea, thoſe Chriſtians who do not provide for their own Parents, are worſe than Infidels. It is ſad to think of what Luther obſerves, That one Father will more willingly maintain ten Sons, than ten Sons will maintain one Father: but where Children are unnatural to their Parents, God in juſt judgment ſuffers their Children to retaliate their unkindneſs unto themſelves.
'Tis memorable, the Story of the Father, who being drawn by his Son to the threſhold of the houſe, by the hair of the head, cryed to him, to draw him no further, for that he had drawn his Father no further; v. Robinſons Eſſays, p. 548. 'Tis obſervable, that Children are apt to ſlight their Mother moſt, and her eſpecially in her old age. We are apt to break over the hedge where 'tis loweſt; but the Law of God is a Mound and a Hedge in this Gap, charging us not to deſpiſe our Mother when ſhe is old, Prov. 23.22. And there is a curſe denounced againſt him, that ſetteth light by father or mother, and all the people were to ſay, Amen to it, Deut. 27.16. How terrible is that place, Prov. 30.17. The eye that mocketh at his father, and deſpiſeth to obey his mother, the Ravens of the Valley ſhall pick it out, and the young Eagles ſhall eat it. And he that ſlights his Parents for the infirmities that accompany their old age, or for their wrinkles, or hoary hairs, is very unreaſonable. The natural affection and kindneſs of the Stork to its Dam, may be a witneſs againſt ſuch Children, ſuch worſe than unreaſonable men and women. Aeneas is call'd Pius Aeneus by the Poet; and why? becauſe he carried his Father Anchiſes upon his back, at the deſtruction of Troy. We muſt do what we can to hide our Parents nakedneſs: Remember Chams, or his ſon Canaans curſe, who ſome ſay, firſt ſaw his Grandfather Noah, and went and told his Father, and is therefore curſed: We muſt think reverently of them, we muſt ſhew outward reverence to them, bow down to them, or riſe up before them; we muſt ſpeak awfully to them, and reſpectively of them: We muſt obey their juſt and lawful commands; if they ſay, Go, we muſt go; if, Come, we muſt come; if, Do this, we muſt do it. We muſt provide neceſſaries for them if they want, afford them foreign, we muſt thus honour or reward them for their kindneſs to us. The Jews have a ſaying, What honour is to be given to Parents? the anſwer is, To give them meat and drink, and to cloath them and cover them. Let's endeavour to procure their hearty prayers for bleſſings to God upon us and ours, and dread the thoughts of their ill Wiſhes, Curſes or Imprecations.
'Tis memorable what St. Auſtin in his Civ. Dei, b. 22. cap. 8. relates, namely, Often Children, that being curſed by their Mother, went about quaking and trembling from one place to another like Vagabonds. And I have been very credibly told of a Son, that ſtamping on his Mothers grave, for madneſs becauſe ſhe had given him no more, thereby broke his leg. Though a man muſt love his Wife more than his Mother, yet he muſt reverence his Mother, rather than his Wife. We ſhould honour our Parents living and dead, with Civil honour and reſpect; ſo Joſeph fell on Jacob his Father, and kiſſed him when dead. Give them decent burial; ſo Jacob and Eſau too, buried their Father Ifaac; and weep, or mourn, over them. David ſpeaking of great ſadneſs, ſaith, he bowed down heavily, as one th… mourned for his mother, Pſal. 35.14. and Joſeph when he buried his Father, it was with a great and ſolemn mourning, and of a long continuance, Gen. 50.10. If the widows made great lamentation for the death of Dorcas, and ſhewed the Coats that ſhe had made for them, Acts 9.39. how much more ſhould Children weep and mourn for their deceaſed Parents, from whom under God they had their Beings, their Lives, Education, Food and Cloathing, and Portion and all.