Innocency Though Under a Cloud Cleared, Journal entry

Innocency Though Under a Cloud Cleared · Journal entry

Ebenezer Ebenezer; The Lord Jehovah is my ſtrength, Chriſt alone is the Foundation of all my Conſolation, in this day of my trouble and ſad rebuke.

IT was the eleventh day after my Impriſonment, before I attained this Book; And I rejoyce I have it, that the daily Supports I have from God's Promiſes, and his Preſence may be by me recorded; that if I live I may look over them, and remember Priſon-Mercies, as others who faithfully love the Lord, and wait for his Appearance, may ſee and bleſs God, and not fear … Priſon, but truſt God upon his Word, for … is faithful, and to be truſted: The firſt day and night that I came in, I was in a maze, … well knowing where I was; and …king within, I found my heart like Ephraim, Jer. 31.18. but I had not long moaned my ſelf, but God appeared; … in the 20. verſe of that chapter, and … next day, after I had for ſome time ſought …d, and ſearched my own heart, and …nd as to Men I was innocent, and did judge God would not have called me here, but he had ſome work for me to do, For Affliction cometh not out of the duſt, Job 5.6. At laſt God moving the people of the houſe to lend me a Bible, the firſt Scripture I caſt mine eye upon, juſt as I opened the Bible, was Jer. 18.12. to the latter part of the 18th verſ. at which the Lord did exceedingly appear to refreſh my Soul, eſpecially for what I ſaw in the 12, 13, 14, 17. and 18th verſe, 'tis too long to inſert it; only upon the 12th verſe, I ſet it down in my Concordance.

O let all that fear the Lord, bleſs him for his Scripture, much more for its life; which God keeps and lets down to whom and when he pleaſes; Parts, may draw and obſerve good teachings from them, to ſerve others… but not its own Soul; unleſs God give in that Light, Life and Spirit, that firſt penned them.

What Parts can draw may ſerve Profeſſion, but not a Priſon and the ſights of Death But O, when God unlocks the Scriptures and ſays to the Soul, Behold what's her… there's Life, there's Love, there's a feaſt all good things. And now ſee the difference between being brought by common gifts … the Truth, and the promiſed Spirit leading us into Truth, as our Lord promiſed, Jo… 15.26. chap. 16.13. And I muſt ſay a witneſs to this, that God's way to accompli… p. 3this, is by cauſing the Soul to ſtand in God's Fear, and out of its own wiſdom; and as to its own ſtate in it ſelf, to ſhrink down into its own emptineſs, hating all liſtings up, but that by the Son of God, in the pure ſingle Wiſdom, Love and Grace of the Father. O had not this Foundation been laid, I muſt have been left, being a man of ſorrows, ſurrounded on every ſide, and every window is ſhut, but this of the Lord's Love; O bleſſed … his Name. O all you Saints that love and fear the Lord, bleſs him, and ſeek no Foundation but what God hath laid. But more of this hereafter.

The next Scripture by which God did appear to refreſh my heart, was in John 18.11. 'tis the words of Chriſt in anſwer to Peter, who in his miſtaken Love, tenders Chriſt's Perſon more than God's Pleaſure; and in anſwer to that, Chriſt lets him know, that is Fathers Pleaſure was by him higher pri…ed, than his own preſervation; and ſaith, The Cup which my Father giveth me, ſhall I not …ink it? He doth not ſay, the Cup my Father lays upon me; but that the Father gives …e. All ſuffering Cups to Chriſt or his …embers, are Kindneſſes, they are God's …ifts, Phil. 1.29. they are not to be rejected, …t prized and eſteemed. David in the 118th …ſal. takes the Cup, bleſſing God.

But ſome will ſay, that was not the Cup p. 4of Suffering, but of Salvation; and 'tis true, but it was through the Cup of Chriſt's Sufferings: But all the Cups of Suffering to the Saints in the Primitive Times, behold how chearfully they imbraced them; Acts 5. with Heb. 11. and Rom. 5.1, 2, &c. Therefore Chriſt doth not tell Peter, I muſt be forced to take it, or drink it, but ſaith, Shall I not … he doth not, in propounding this, inquire, if he ſhould, or ſhould not? but it is to ſhew his reſolution, that he ſhould do it, and would do it; judging it a higher honour and duty to imbrace God's Pleaſure, than to ſeek and imbrace ſelf-preſervation contrary to God's Pleaſure. That made thoſe in Heb. 11.35. not accepting deliverance, that was on terms wherein God's Pleaſure and Honour ſhould be croſſed. In this caſe it wa… Chriſt's; and it ought to be the generous ſpirit of all the Sons of Zion, to ſlight, nay loath, nay hate their own lives, when it thus comes in competition with the will of God's now to do God's Will, in many wayes Hypocrites in Imitating-Grace may delight fully do it; Iſa. 2.58. Mat. 13.20, 21. But the chiefeſt Teſtimony of true Grace, is to live in the Will of God; ſo that if a Cup of Croſſes comes, the very ſight and ſenc… that the Fathers hand preſents it, and that his heart is in it, ſo that his Purpoſe and Pleaſure is to be accompliſhed by it; no ſooner p. 5ſay is this ſeen, but the heart is ſilently ſatisfied, and cries out, not only like old Eli, …t's the Lord, let him do it, but as Chriſt in the Text, It is my Fathers Cup, and his Gift, I am contentably willing to imbrace it. O the very ſight and ſence of this Truth! …om this place in John 18.11. God made ſo refreſhing, that the Cup which the Lord, not only in this Impriſonment, but before …nd ſince the ſad unheard-of ſuffering by Cenſures on my Name from profeſſed friends, which was the ſaddeſt tryal that ever befel …e, was made dearly ſweet, by ſeeing it to …e a Cup that my Father gave me: to fleſh …nd blood it was very ſore; for though my innocency was enough to bear me up; For …here declare it in the Preſence of my Father, by whoſe Love I live, that I was, and am as innocent**Meaning the Reports that are of me to be a Trapanner, &c. as the child unborn; …t that which made it hard … bear, was;

Firſt, It came from ſuch …at I deſerved better, and expected better, and God required better from.

Secondly, Not one of them that did report … or believe that Report, though I believe …ere were a thouſand, moſt of which profeſſed to walk by a rule, yet not ſix ever came …e a Brother or Siſter to anſwer the Rule, ſeeking ſatisfaction from me, or to reſtore … if it had been true.

p. 6Thirdly, It made many, that I hope fear God, though miſtaken, and out of their Duty, to be ſo full of anger at me, that they have called me behind my back ſtrange names, and wiſhed that God had taken me away ſeven years before; ſo ſin begot ſin at a high rate.

Fourthly, They did by this add to the National ſins, that great Sin the Prophet mentions in Jer. 20.10. Report, and we will report; O the ſence of this Sin! and that I muſt be the object, did even ſink my ſoul, till God let me ſee his Pleaſure, and that this ſuffering did moſt anſwer my ſins, having more worded away my day, than workt it away; beſides, I had a great Name, and was highly eſteemed among many, in which I did triumph; and in all this my Name was great, but my Nature as to Grace but little, upo… which wing I flew high: Now God ſaw good for me to drink this Cup, as the way to meet with my ſin, and to bring down to Name to be as little as my Grace. As ſoon, ever God ſhewed me this, I kiſſed th… Cup.

Fifthly, Before I ſaw this, my heart wi… reſtleſs, judging my ſelf ſo wronged, bein… innocent, that I found it a hard thing to kee… my heart in a right frame, but reaſoning an… riſing up, and when I reproved my ow… heart, the reply was, Am I not innocent, a… p. 7ſo wronged? then God replyed, and ſaid, Is it good to be angry? and my reply was, It is not Anger, but Zeal; for God's Name ſuffers alſo: but when I ſaw, as David did, God bid them curſe, I was dumb; and for the reaſons aforeſaid, I lay down and kiſſed the Cup.

Sixthly, The Evil that did attend this, was, I ſeeing ſuch unfaithfullneſs and diſorder in profeſſing People, was ready to ſay, Is there …ny faithful or upright? that I began to queſtion all Societies in that kind; and after I had ſent to many, becauſe they would not orderly ſend or come to me; and moſt of all I ſent for, went away, as they ſaid, ſatisfied; and at laſt I began to ſlight giving ſatisfaction, to avoid many things that I might not otherwiſe avoid, that may give offence, which if I failed, it was in that; and though their diſorderly wayes was the cauſe, the ſence of which may very well make them bear it, yet their thus dealing, was no juſt ground in God's eye for me to be ſ careleſs: and ſince God hath brought my heart to ſee his juſt ends in their unjuſt wayes, and to bring …e into a ſatisfactory ſilence; I have been wounded for it; and I do beg of God for my ſelf, and all that fear God, that in and under all ſuch Sufferings, our eyes may be kept cloſe to eye God, and not Men, and to …o our duty, not becauſe others do it, but becauſe p. 8God commands it, knowing the righteous God will imbrace his ſeaſon to reward every one according to their way and work.

So now I bleſs God, my deſire is to im…brace the Cup my Father hath given me, an… to prefer his Pleaſure, before the preſervation of my own Perſon.

If any who are ignorant, ſhould ſay, What is this you mean, that you have been thus falſely reproached in?

I anſwer, 'tis ſo well known not only here but beyong Sea; for he or they who begun it and have ſinfully deviſed it, did ſend it up and down from Sea to Sea, and City to Country, that I need not repeat it, but ſay again in the fear of God, and as I expect merc… at the hands of the God of Mercy, I am a little guilty as the Child unborn, both in principles and practice: but I leave it; and if they who have ſo bloodily murdered m… Name, have or ſhall have as much peace i… this Murder, as I have now in the bearing o… it, they will not want peace.

Secondly, Should I further rip up the matter, by repeating it, the Sin of the Author might as much tend to God's diſhonour, a… they have cauſed God's Name to be diſhonoured in what they have done; ſo ſilence i… my duty, leſt alſo I return evil for evil, contrary to my Lord's will, Mat. 5.11, 12, 39.

The next Scripture God did bring refreſhment p. 9to my heart by, ſince I came into my cloſe confinement, is Mat. 16.25. from whence I was made to ſee, that it is an imprudent way for any Chriſtian, to go to ſave himſelf when Chriſt calls to ſuffer for him.

And it alſo ſhews the ſafety and profit of having a generous ſpirit for Chriſt. If a ſoul doth freely ſo render it ſelf up to Chriſts diſpoſal, not minding its own ſafety, but Chriſts Service, that ſoul ſhall not loſe, but gain: Each word Chriſt here ſpeaks, is upon certainty; If he will ſave, he ſhall loſe; if he will loſe, he ſhall find it.

To ſave life, and in a ſpecial manner, a mans own life, is in it ſelf a duty the Law requires, yet here it ſeems to croſs it: no no, Chriſt only ſhews a new way to ſave life, and that not upon uncertainty, but certainty, and direction how to do it; 'tis but leave, and live; that is, leave all to Chriſt's diſpoſe, in his calling or diſpoſing of us in his Service and Suffering; if we ſo love Him, his Intereſt and Cauſe, we ſhall not, we cannot loſe, but gain.

Now that there is no loſs by loſing all on this ſide Chriſt for Chriſt, you will ſee, if we conſider theſe things;

Firſt, All that we loſe in this ſence, in it ſelf is nothing; Prov. 25.5. it is ſaid there, It is not; that is, 'tis nothing; and in Amos 6.13. 'tis ſaid to be a thing of nought; that p. 10is, it's nothing; and in 1 Cor. 7.31. 'tis ſaid to be a faſhion; now faſhions they change, and that which is to day, is not to morrow, but paſſeth away; ſo that if this be loſt, when as in it ſelf it's nothing, what can be loſt out of nothing?

Secondly, Conſider that whatſoever is loſt, or laid down for Chriſt, cannot be a loſs; becauſe it's only lent, and God and Chriſt have given ſufficient ingagement, to repay with an hundred fold improvement. See Mat. 19.29.

But this Text aſſures us, of not only freedom from loſs, but a finding or gain.

If any ſhould ſay, Wherein is a Saints gain in thus ſuffering?

Anſwer, Firſt, mind this; no ſooner is the ſoul upon the wheel of ſuffering for Chriſt, but God and Chriſt is upon their motion to riſe and ſerve them: And that,

Firſt, By inquiring into their ſtate and condition; as he did in the old time.

Secondly, By giving forth a ſuitable proportion of Grace to carry them through it.

Thirdly, By debating with the tryal, and waiting it out, that it may be in meaſure, Iſa. 27.8. Jer. 30.11.

Fourthly, When its gone forth and ſeized upon a Saint, God ſtands by it, and if it appears too heavy, he makes it lighter, by giving the heart a lift into the higher Life and p. 11ſtrength, or by taking ſome of that away; See Pſal. 138.3, 7.

Fifthly, While that is on, that he in his Wiſdom ſeeth beſt to be on, Chriſt ſtands in ſo great a ſympathy with them, that he is afflicted in their affliction, Iſa. 63.9. and it is ſuch a ſympathy, that cauſes Chriſt not to ſtand ſilent, but to ſympathize with the ſoul, ſo as to ſend it and carry it anſwerable comforts.

Sixthly, The Grace that God gives ſouls in ſuch a ſuffering day, is not only ſo much as may and doth anſwer their troubles, but it doth over-ballance and tranſcend all their ſorrows; See 2 Cor. 1.4, 5.

Seventhly, God doth not only keep Saints in ſuffering, and bring them out without loſs, but he makes even their affliction, to increaſe profit and gain to the Soul, Rom. 5.2, 3, 4.

Eighthly, God is ſo indulgently tender of Saints, and their good and gain in a ſuffering day, that rather than they ſhall want what is in his hand or heart, he will with his own Preſence be with them, and abide with them, Iſa. 43.1, 2. if they go, he goes, if they be put into the water and fire, ſo will he too: See the three Children, Dan. 3.24, 25. and if ſhut up in priſon where they are kept dark, there God will ſhew them more than before, Jer. 33.3, 8. whatſoever they want or are, in p. 12point of comfort deprived of, God preſently makes it up, Micah 7.7, 8.

Ninthly, And to make up all, after his often coming down to them, and inriching them, by his giving forth, Light, Love, Life, and all, that they may be fully gainers, he will take them up to himſelf, and ſo to live in eternal Glory with them for ever, where ſin, and ſinners, ſuffering and ſickneſs ſhall trouble them no more, but all ſorrow and ſighing ſhall paſs away, and all tears ſhall be wiped from their eyes, Iſa. 25.8. Rev. 7.17. chap. 21.4. O come Lord Jeſus, come quickly, Amen, Amen.

O now my Soul, what loſs is there by loſeing for Chriſt, his Cauſe and Intereſt? Ah, happy is the ſoul that is imployed in this work! O who would not leave it ſelf, and its all, to Him and his diſpoſal, and never choſe, or refuſe its own Cup that the Father mixes and gives to us? O my ſoul, truſt God, he is Faithful, and will make good every tittle of his Promiſes. See 1 Kings 8.56. Iſa. 34.16.

Now the next Scripture God brought comfort to my Soul by, was Rev. 2.10. Fear none of theſe things which you ſhall ſuffer: behold, the Devil ſhall caſt ſome of you into priſon, that you may be tryed, and ye ſhall have tribulation ten dayes; but be faithful, &c. Theſe ten dayes is an uncertain time; and that the p. 13word Ten is taken for an uncertain time, is clear, if you mind Gen. 31.7, 41. & Numb. 14.22. & Job 19.2.

Object. The Ten Horns in Dan. 7.7. ſure is a certain number.

Anſw. Yes, 'tis ſo; but mind, the word Ten is not barely expreſſed, and ſo left, but it is expounded verſe 24. Theſe Ten Horns are ten Kings; ſo that it is not there left as in the other places, but when 'tis expreſſed, and not fixed to a certain number, it is to be minded as an uncertain time; ſo that by ten dayes, muſt be meant an uncertain time. Some ſay 'its to be meant, a day for a year, and the longeſt time of perſecution that ever was ſince Chriſt's time, was but Ten years; but I judge it beſt to mind this as in other places, many dayes.

But from it I am made to ſee, that to perſecute Saints is the Devils work; God makes uſe of the Devil to do his drudgery. Sufferings is God's way to ſcoure and rub the ruſt off from his Servants: it's work fit for Satan; but the profit of it is fit for none but Saints. O I have cauſe herein to bleſs God, for I have cauſe to ſay, there was much ruſt got in my lazie time upon my heart, and over my Experiences and Graces, and acquaintance with God and his wayes; O if this be God's rubbing and clearing day, I muſt ſay as Peter, Not only my hands, but all over. O my p. 14God, did my Eſtate gather or cauſe ruſt? thou tooks away that, and thou didſt ſee my Name dead. Didſt thou ſee my Name, being too large for my Nature, cauſed ruſt? thou haſt ſuffered that to be blaſted; and thou ſeeſt that both my Liberty and Life, gather ruſt? wilt thou alſo take that? Do Lord, do Lord what thou wilt, ſo thou wilt bring me out as Gold, like Job, Job 23.10. and that is the next words in the Text; and ſee what follows in this, Rev. 2.10. Be faithful to the death, and I will give thee a Crown of Life: Saints faithfulneſs is to be ſuch, as not only to hold out in ſome dangers, but to death; O there is a ſufficient reward, a Crown, and that a Crown of Life; all earthly Crowns are dead, or dying Crowns, this a living Crown, or a Crown of Life: O who would but ſtrive, wait and work for ſuch a Crown! well might Chriſt exhort Saints not to fear any thing that ſhall befal them of this nature.

Now the chiefeſt word that God made of weight to my Soul from theſe words, was theſe firſt words, Fear none of theſe things; O there is not only one ſort of Sufferings, but all ſorts muſt attend Saints; but none is to be feared.

Now upon my minding this, theſe conſiderations did follow me.

Firſt, There is no cauſe of fear where the object of fear is removed. Now the matter p. 15of Fear or Fearfulneſs is Evil. The Evil of all afflictions on Saints, is removed by God through Chriſt, Iſa. 27.8. That made David ſay, Pſal. 23.4. Though in the valley of the ſhadow of death, not to fear Evil.

Secondly, There is no cauſe of Fear of that or them which come either to ſerve us or ſave us; Now al Suffering on Saints as Saints, comes to ſerve them, and ſo to ſave them, ſometimes from ſin, Iſa. 27.9. and ſometimes from the evil to come, Iſa. 57.1.

Thirdly, There is no cauſe of fear of that which accompliſheth no Evil, but alwayes Good; if all doth, Rom. 8.28. then Sufferings …o being part.

Fourthly, There is ground of fear of them, or that which is conquered before we encounter with it, as all ſufferings and cenſures, …e, Rom. 8.33, 35, 39.

Fifthly, There is no fear to walk in that way, which Chriſt our Captain hath gone before us in and tryed it, and not only ſo, but he holds us by the hand, nay, heart, all the way.

Sixthly, There is no fear of that, though never ſo great a croſs, if it be the eminent way to the Crown, as Sufferings are; See Acts 14.22. 2 Tim. 3.12.

Seventhly, There is no fear to meet with God in the way, and day of his favours: for Saints ſuffering ſeaſon is God's obſerving p. 16ſeaſon to give forth his Loves, 'tis his very high market dayes; See Pſal. 43.2, 3, 4. Jer. 33.3.

Eighthly, What cauſe of fear is there of that, which doth not, nor can deſtroy the Foundation of Faith? O it is ſo far from that, that it is rather an opportunity for the Foundation to give forth it ſelf like a Fountain ful of all freſh Springs. See I pray, ſee David ſee the three Children, ſee Daniel, what ſtreams of Light, Love, nay Life, was given forth at ſuch ſuffering ſeaſons, Pſal. 23.4. and 27.1, 2, 3. and 138.3, 7.

Ninthly, What cauſe is there of fear of that which is appointed to teſtifie and ſeal to our Faith, and our Intereſt in God's Love and eternal Life?

Tenthly, What cauſe is there to fear that which is but the opening the door to let us into converſe with God? as all Sufferings of Saints is no more, but God's turning the key to unlock the door, and let Souls into a living converſe with God; for where the world ſhuts Saints out, God takes them in, Pſal. 25.

The worlds frowning time is God's ſmi… ling time; when the comforts of the world ſeem to be ſilent, then God opens the e… for inſtruction; Job 36.15. Hab. 3.17, 1.19. Micah 7.8.

Eleventhly, What cauſe is there to fear be imployed in that, or of that, which is the p. 17way not only to follow Chriſt, but it's that by which the ſoul is made conformable to Chriſt, and to his Death, and the Power of his Reſurrection, 'tis what Paul groaned for, Phil. 3.10.

Twelfthly, What cauſe is there to fear to meet with that, which is to accompliſh the end of our Faith, to wit, the Salvation of our ſouls, and eternal Glory with God & Chriſt, and all the Aſſembly of Saints, the Firſt-born, and Angels for evermore. See Heb. 12.22, 23, 24.

O theſe conſiderations did follow me many dayes and nights, till my Soul cryed out, Lord, where am I, Lord what am I, that I ſhould be thus honoured? O bleſſed be God for ever. After, this or upon this conſent from theſe conſiderations there was a queſtion did ariſe in me, which was to this purpoſe, Why men may ſuffer much and long and yet be nothing. Paul ſaith, 1 Cor. 13.3. of a man give his body to be burnt, it will not do without Charity: So then the queſtion was, who are true Sufferers, or when doth a ſoul ſuffer rightly, and when not?

Anſwer, A man may ſuffer, that is a Profeſſor of Chriſt, and yet not for Chriſt, but is an evil doer or buſie body, and his profeſ…eſſion will not make his ſufferings good.

Secondly, A man may ſuffer for the Profeſſion of Chriſt, and yet not for Chriſt: as …us:

p. 18Firſt, When men will ſuffer, becauſe they will ſuffer, and not becauſe God wills it.

Secondly, When men ſuffer becauſe others ſuffer, and ſuffering is cryed up as honourable; ſo in the crowd of this cry, with the reſt in this crowd, ſome men crowd in.

Thirdly, When men are by providence brought into a ſtate, or ſtrait, that if they go back they ſhall un-man themſelves: ſo more out of the reſolution of an heroick nature than from the exerciſes of Grace, they ſuffer; this is not to ſuffer as a Saint, but as a man.

Fourthly, When mens intereſt is ſo interwoven with the Intereſt of Chriſt, that if they do not ſtand by Chriſt, they will loſe their own, ſo to gain their own, they ſtand by him this is not right.

A ſoul is ſaid to ſuffer as a Saint, and … becomes a Chriſtian, ſo as God and Chriſt will own it and crown it.

Firſt, When they ſingly ſuffer for being Saints, and rather than they will deny it … forſake it, they will forſake all: As in H… 11.35. They accepted not deliverance.

Secondly, When they ſuffer for their owning or ſtanding by God's and Chriſt's Ca… or Intereſt, and rather than they will forſake either, they will forſake their lives, or … that's dear to them in the world. So David ſuffered; ſo did Daniel ſuffer, and the thre… p. 19Children, and the Apoſtles, Acts 4. and Acts 5. and ſo Paul.

Thirdly, When ſouls are brought to ſuch ſtate, that unleſs they willingly ſuffer, ſome other of God's People muſt ſuffer; now rather than they ſhould ſuffer, the ſoul is willing to ſuffer: this is that which God will own; and it is what Chriſt did for us; and …erefore we ought, ſaith the Apoſtle, to lay own our lives for the Brethren, 1 John 3.16. and this it is that Chriſt intends in that, John 13.14. chap. 15.12. It was Pauls joy … ſuffer for the Coloſſians, Col. 1.24.

Theſe Scriptures are a ſufficient ground to ſuffer, rather than to free our ſelves from it; the manner of ſome is by accuſing others, …d bringing others to ſuffer, to free themſelves, and ſay, Charity begins at home; theſe …uls have little acquaintance with Chriſt's …w Command, and they will one day ſee, … the way to loſe and not to ſave; as Chriſt …th, Mat. 16.25.

And now if any will demand by what rule …ey ſhould rather ſuffer, than ſave themſelvs … putting others upon ſuffering, let them …k well upon thoſe bleſſed Scriptures afore…entioned, and they will ſee it a duty and …nt-like to ſuffer for the Brethren; and it not the action of a Saint, but of Satan, to … themſelves by accuſing others.

… bleſſed be my dear Father, that of all p. 20the Evils that attend me, thou didſt never ſuffer that to come into my heart.

Fourthly, To ſuffer as a Saint, is when the World out of their envy againſt Saints, Holineſs and Piety, as being contrary to them, they are carried out in envy to hate them, and to do all the hurt they can againſt them, though they cannot in particular charge them with any thing juſtly, not ſo much as againſt their own Law, yet cannot love them.

Now thus to ſuffer willingly, not for any thing we have done to the World, only becauſe we are called out of the world, thus to ſuffer is to ſuffer as a Saint: therefore Chriſt makes proviſion for this, when he tells his Diſciples, that the World hated him, and ſo would hate them, in that they were not of the world; for the World can only love its own.

But mind further what dear proviſion Chriſt's makes, John 16. ult. And O my ſoul, do thou therein rejoyce, that thou haſt an intereſt in this ſuffering, and thought worthy to be enriched with that Proviſion of Peace in the Prince of Peace, there reſt in the God of Reſt. Amen, Amen.

About this time ſome Friends coming … ſee me, deſired to know my Judgment as … Gods Appointments, or Goſpel-Ordinances and why of late I did not walk with them p. 21I uſed to do, and deſiring my Judgement; which I did give them; and cannot omit, but inſert it here, and ſhall faithfully ſpeak to both, and to the laſt.

Firſt, 'Tis true, I did for many yeares walk with theſe Friends in P.F. and the ten laſt years with them at Newcaſtle and Durham, and my care and pains there to attend both them at Newcaſtle and Durham I ſhall not declare, but leave it to them that were eye witneſſes; and the rather, becauſe ſome here in London are pleaſed to reproach me, and affirm the contrary: Now ſince that I came to London, at or about which time, I for the moſt part did uſe to imploy my Gifts among the People that walk with Mr. K.

Now as to my not continuing with them as before, there be many cauſes, that if any unbyaſſed hearts will judge, they will not condemn me as they do. It was not long after this, but under trouble of mind, I deſired to live at peace; I went beyond Sea to Holland, and had no evil intent, as God knows and bears me record; but as ſoon as I was gone, thoſe, or ſome of thoſe I moſt prized, raiſed a report, That I was gone to carry on Deſigns againſt the People of God; at the hearing of which I was exceedingly grieved; and though I writ over, and imployed friends to inquire the cauſe; yet to this day I could not p. 22find out the reaſon; only a ſad malitious ſpirit raiſed it.

So I came over with a deſire, though I dyed, to vindicate my ſelf, but as I and many friends indeavoured it, this ſpirit privately went up and down to carry it on, and promiſed in ſo many weeks it would be made good; thoſe weeks we ſtayed; then in three months it would be made good; we ſtayed three times three months, but ſtill it was as it was; and though he that was by them imployed to devulge it, ſaw his and their evil, as ſome faithful Friends can witneſs, yet theſe parties did ſtill perſiſt in their way; and the Report was all over the Nations, to the wounding of my ſoul, and many more: I did by ſome ſend privately to ſee if I might come to their Private Meetings; this was the return, they ſhould be afraid of me if I did come; and all this time, of all theſe thouſands that did report this, not ſix ever came either to reprove me, or to exhort me to my duty: And when them of P. F. left their place for fear, I ſent a Letter to them to keep together, and deſired that if they would not, that they would let me appear there; it was not accepted: and when they all left it, I did once go and appear, and for ſo doing, how I was cenſured, many can witneſs. I knew not what to do, but began to think, whither ſhould I go; I ſaw a People that was p. 23come out from them, and joyned with N. S. that had kept themſelves more clear than the reſt; but ſearching the Scriptures, I could not find clearneſs for their coming off as Members from a Church or Churches, till a Church had unchurched themſelves, and I could not ſee that they had, by what they had then done; and for Members to reaſſume the power of withdrawing, which is only in a Church, and not in particular Members to act ſo towards a Church, was ſo ſtrange, that there I could not joyn if I might, ſo that my way was ſtopt up from all ſuch way of Society.

Then I only preſſed ſome friends that lay under trouble for others miſcaryings to keep together, and for us to pray, and to exhort and to edifie each other; and this I did, not daring to miſs an opportunity, as they can witneſs, for all the fears that did attend us. Now if any ſoul without prejudice, would but take up the matter, in the true fear and love of God, they cannot juſty condemn me: though they which were moſt near, or ought to be ſo, do condemn me, I bleſs God I have peace.

I but, ſaith ſome, You appear to be againſt Ordinances.

Anſw. 'Tis not ſo; but I have and do very much queſtion theſe things.

p. 24Firſt, Whether a Spirit be yet given down to fit men ſo largely for that work as is profeſſed?

Secondly, Whether God doth or will own men carrying on ſuch a work, or as others calls it, Kingdom-Work without, before it be carryed on within?

Thirdly, I have very much ground to queſtion that ſpirit, that is ſo high to carry it on in dayes of proſperity, and drawes back in times of perſecution, and cloſes in with men to ſave their Perſon and Purſe, more then to venter their All for what they do profeſs: If herein I am ignorant, God knowes it is not willingly. Beſides, there were ſome Queries propounded by me, which made ſome cenſure me, though it was but by my faithful inquiries; which were theſe;

Firſt, Whether there was not a ſeaſon for the ſetled being of the Primitive Church, according to the Primitive Inſtitution, to ceaſe for a ſeaſon, and that from theſe grounds, which I beg of all without cenſuring, to conſider and weigh well.

Query 1. When the Church went into captivity, they were without the enjoyment of th… ſetled Adminiſtrations, and that by God's ow… order; whether I ſay was not that then a Type … If ſo, when fulfilled, it muſt have an Antytype When and where was that Antytype? … muſt anſwer the Type.

p. 25Query 2. When did the Woman, ſpoken of Rev. 12.6. go into the Wilderneſs? and when came ſhe forth? or is ſhe to come forth? and though God did provide a way to feed her there, yet it is very much to be queried, Whether Primitive Inſtitutions, as to Church-Ordinances, can be or could be injoyed in that ſtate?

Query 3. was, Whether in the time the ſeven Plagues were by the ſeven Angels pouring forth, as in Rev. 15. Any man could enjoy Church-Ordinances, or Temple-Duty, ſeeing that, till all the ſeven Plagues was poured forth, no man could enter into the Temple, verſ. 8. If no man could enter into the Temple for that ſeaſon, then where or how Temple-Duty could be injoyed or performed, till that ſeaſon was paſt?

Query 4, was from Rev. 21.9. where it is clear, that one of the ſeven laſt Angels having ſeven Viols full of the ſeven laſt Plagues, who was the Meſſenger that ſaid, Come hither and I will ſhew thee the Bride, the Lambs Wife, was he not the firſt Meſſenger that preſented the viſible Glory of the Church, and her Primitive Purity and Order, after her be-wildered ſtate? If ſo, as it doth appear by the words, then 'tis to be queried,

Firſt, Whether the viſible Glory, Purity and Order of the Church, was not obſcure and lay p. 26hid for ſome ſeaſon before? If ſo, When and what that ſeaſon was, or is?

Query 5. was from Rev. 11.2. This action of God's to meaſure any place or ſtate, imports one of theſe two things, either a deſtroying; as in 2 Sam. 8.2. Hab. 3.6. or it imports a renewing or reſtoring; as in Jer. 31. 39. Ezek. 40.3, 4, 5. chap. 43.10. Now my firſt Query is, Whether the Temple or Temple-Worſhip be here under meaſuring, in order to deſtroy or to reſtore? Then I query further, Whether or no when the Temple or Temple-Work, is under meaſureing in either ſence, it be then in a capacity to be injoyed or practiſed, yea, or no?

Query 6. was, Whether the bare reſtoring of the Knowledge, with Conviction on the Judgment of Men, of the Truth of the Goſple-Order or Ordinances, be ſufficient to authorize any to be Adminiſtrators, or imbrace the Adminiſtrations without the ſame Power and Spirit that at firſt did attend them, and fit ſouls for them, yea or no?

Query 7. was, Whether the reſtoring or injoying ſo many or ſo much of the Primitive Order or Ordinances, that Men, as Men, may do with natural parts, or imitating-grace, and not the Order or Ordinances, that had their immediate dependance upon Gods Power, Spirit and Preſence, be that promiſed reſtoring of Zions Primitive Purity, which Saints pray for and wait for, nay that which ſo many glorious Promiſes point at, yea or no?

p. 27Query 8. is, If the Ordinances that Saints now injoy, in the Order they injoy them, be the ſame Orders, or Ordinances and Inſtitutions that were in the Primitive times: Then what is that Primitive Reſtoring of Zions Power and Purity we dayly wait and pray for?

The other were Queries, upon the Spirits and Principles by which ſome imbrace God's Appointments in this day.

1. Query Is from the Conſideration, that God's Work in this latter day, is an overturning Work; as in Ezek. 21.27. by which great mutations muſt be made in and among men and things, as the only way to uſher in that that there is intended; then my Query is, VVhether ſuch Principles and Spirits, which gives men liberty to change with the times and turn with turns to ſave themſelves and intereſt, be a Principle, or Spirit, or frame of heart, that is a fruit of God's Latter-day-Promiſes, or ſuch a Principle or Spirit that is fit to meet God in his Appointments, or follow him in Latter-day-VVork, yea or nay?

2. Query Is from the words of Paul, in 2 Tim. 3.5. where the Apoſtle tells us of the evil Properties of Men in the latter dayes; and as to Profeſſors, he ſays, they imbrace the Form, but they deny the Power; from ſuch turn away; my Query is,

If Men in the imbracing God's Ordinances or Appointments, do only ſeparate from the worlds page missing p. 28and publik groſs wayes, yet live in their old nature, and anſwer their conſtitutions in Covetouſneſs, Anger and Pride, &c. and there abide, without growing into a New Life, as to change of natural conſtitution and cuſtom, crying up the Temple of God or the VVayes of God; and there they differ from others, but elſe no difference.

Queſt. Is not this an imbracing the Form without Power, and ſo oppoſive, if not an actual denying the Power: If not, Where among men in this latter day, is there any that do ſo, ſeeing the Form imbraced is a Form of Godlineſs, and the Power wanting is the Power of that Godlineſs?

3. Query, Whether that Spirit or Principle in Men that cannot bear or abide to be queſtioned or tryed, but if it be, it will be ſo far from lying down in patience, as that it will rather fear men and their names; who ſo try or queſtion whether this, I ſay, is or can be the property of the Spirit that's promiſed to be given forth in the latter day, ſeeing in all the Prophets, in their propheſying of the Ppoperties of that Spirit, ſet it forth to be a quiet Spirit, &c. as you may ſee in Iſa. 11.6, 7, 8, 9. chap. 65.25, &c?

4. Query, Whether that Principle or Spirit which doth and can only know and own Grace in men and women, as they are one with them in the external Profeſſion and Form, and as they come up to them there in heighth, length and breadth, ſo far they can and do own men or women p. 29to be Saints, or gratious; but out of that, though never ſo eminent, they cannot give them their hand or heart, in the Fellowſhip, Love, and delightful owning, as Grace in all calls for?

Whether or no, I ſay, is this the Proprety of true Grace, or that Spirit that's promiſed to be given down to men in the latter day, and eſpecially ſeeing that the Spirit of God and Chriſt, is like God, and Chriſt knows his own Grace whereſoever it be: and ſo did the Spirit in the Saints in the Primitive Times, and did then not know nor own men after external appearances, but according to internal Graces; even as Chriſt, 2 Cor. 5.16, 17. and Chriſt himſelf ſo knows and owns men, Heb. 2.11.?

Query 5. was from the conſideration, that where Grace and the Spirit is, either of old promiſed or propheſied of, or injoyed, as in the Primitive Time, or to be injoyed in the latter day, whereſoever it is ſpoken of, it's declared, as the true Property of the Spirit to carry on moral Duties, as well and as much as inſtituted Appointments or Worſhip; as you may ſee in theſe Scriptures, Micah 6.8. Mat, 22.37, 38. Jam. 1.26, 27.

If ſo, What ſhall we judge of ſuch who are forward to profeſs and practiſe inſtituted Worſhip beyond others, and yet as to Morality, as to Juſtice and Righteouſneſs, not only as to God, but between man and man, are more backward than others, and in ſeven years progreſs in the one, yet not one p. 30of alteration in the other; Is there I ſay ground to believe they have the promiſed Spirit fit to imbrace Goſpel-Appointments, yea or no?

Theſe Queries may by ſome be lookt upon weak and ſimple, and not convenient to be here inſerted; to ſuch I anſwer;

I do it upon this account; They being Queries that I did in tenderneſs at ſome time propound to be ſatisfied in them: I did not affirm this or that from them; but ſome were pleaſed to run up and down, and from thence affirm, That I did deny Churches, and God's Appointments; and it coming out of the mouths of Profeſſors, it goes, as alwayes it doth, for truth; and this was the ground of that Report; though God knowes, I never prized Scripture and God's Appointments more, nor ſo much, in all my life; only as I ſaid before, It is not Service, but a Sin, to carry on Kingdom-Work Without, before God carries it on Within; and ſo imbrace the Form before the Spirit, or Power poſſeſs us; a Deludge in which thouſands of ſouls are lulled aſleep, and are kept from heart-work, thinking all is right within, becauſe they are judged, and do judge themſelves to be right without; and that it is ſo, ſee Mat. 8.11, 12. chap. 12.43, 44. Mat. 13.20, 21. Luke 13.25, 26, 27. & Iſa. 58.1, 2.

Becauſe in ſome of my Queries I mentioned the Sin of Covetouſneſs, which is a Sin p. 31that is as ſecret, as dangerous, I ſhall briefly here ſet down the Characters of a covetous-minded man, either in rich men or poor men.

In anſwer to which, firſt, Mind what Covetouſneſs is in the Eye of the Scripture; it is an inordinate deſire of Gain or Increaſe.

Now the Characters muſt be drawn, either from the nature of Covetouſneſs, or from a frame of heart not contented with its ſtate; for Contentation is ſet by the holy Ghoſt in a direct oppoſition to Covetouſneſs, Heb. 13.5. Now in minding what hath been ſaid of Covetouſneſs, the Characters of ſuch a mind will the better appear.

Firſt, When they do by unjuſt and unrighteous Wayes, labour to increaſe their Eſtates; Hab. 2.9, 10, 11, Micah 2.2. Jer. 6.13. chap. 8.10. chap 22.17.

Secondly, When they do by any action declare their love to, or longing after that which in anothers; Deut. 5.21. Joſ. 7.21.

Thirdly, When the wants of poor Saints are ſeen by them, or made known to them, yet they are not free to communicate to their wants ſutable to what God hath bleſſed them with, Prov. 21.26. ſutable to that in 2 Cor. 9.5. compared with 1 John 3.17. with Rom. 13. laſt part of the 9th verſe.

Fourthly, When they toyl and labour after Riches, as by it they are made to loſe p. 32their life & favour in their language and ſervice of God, turning their Chriſtian ſavour into ſadneſs, and loſing their former forwardwardneſs and life in God's wayes, by poſting after the things of this life; 1 Tim. 6.10 2 Tim. 4.10. contrary to Pſal. 119.36.

Fifthly, When the love of the world doth not only hold men in, but take men off from the Service of God, 2 Pet. 2. & the laſt part of the 14th verſe joyned with the 15th, ſutable to Iſa. 57. apply the 9th and the 10th verſe with the 17th verſe; Ezek. 33.31. Theſe five are to try Rich and Poor, but eſpecially the Rich: And the Characters of a covetous mind in poor men follow.

Firſt, When they are not chearfully contented with what they have, but would have what they have not, Heb. 13.5. with a reſtleſs mind, riſing and reaſoning againſt Providence.

2. When they appear complaining or repining at their own Poverty, by comparing their Poverty with others Riches: This is well as the firſt, is contrary to content, and ſo therein Covetouſneſs.

3. When they are not free and willing to go on in any way or work for God, unleſs they are by the rich ſo ſupplyed, that they may be wholly freed from bodily labour, Acts 20.33, 34. ſutable to ſuch in 1 Theſ. 4.11. 2 Th. 3.10, 11, 12. Now this relates to ſome, but not to all.

p. 334. Mind what hath been ſaid from …oth, and you will mind, that ſtrait-hearted…eſs in a Rich man, is Covetouſneſs; and Diſcontent in a Poor man at or with his Eſtate, is no leſs; for that which is contra…y to Contentation, is Covetouſneſs, by the Lord ſo decided, Heb. 13.5, &c.

Diſquieted, or troubleſome, or diſcon…ented demands of Poor men to be ſupplyed …y the Rich, is as ſure a Character of Cove…uſneſs as Strait-handedneſs in a Rich man …e ſupply the wants of the Poor; and both are … be judged Covetouſneſs.

O how much doth this Sin reign in the …earts and lives of men and women, that pretend much for God, and are cryers down of others ſins and perſons for ſinning, and at the ſame time harbour this ſin; that is no leſs than Idolatry in their own breſt: Few or none but will ſay, that it is a ſin to own an Idolater in fellowſhip, and that all true Believers are bound to withdraw from them; and though Covetouſneſs be the ſame, yet how are poor ſouls ſatisfied, or at leaſt ſilent. But I ſhall leave this, and ſay no more to it.

Some Obſervations uſeful for all that fear God; but in particular, left for my Children.

VVHen ever a heart hath a ſenſible injoyment of God, and his Love in Chriſt, eſpecially as a return of Prayers, mind theſe things.

Firſt, Expect a freſh aſſault of Satan, with high attempts to draw the ſoul aſide, either to looſeneſs under that love, or ſome other evil improvements. When Chriſt was in the Wilderneſs, and was inriched with high Inrichments of God, he was preſently ſet on by Satan, Mat. 4.1, 3, 5, 8. And as ſoon as Hezekiah, Iſa. 38.5. was delivered and inriched with God's Love, was preſently ſet on to be tempted, Iſa. 39.1.

So let all that fear the Lord, at all ſeaſons, but in an eſpecial manner, then double their worth.

Secondly, Sin and Satan never gets into us, and is imbraced, but as Sin comes, God goes, and ſo Sin gets ſtrength, and the Soul gathers weakneſs. If ſo,

Thirdly, That Soul that doth not ſo much as reſiſt Sin in its firſt attempts, he may be confident he will be overcome: O then take p. 35this from a ſoul that hath had experience; Keep the watch moſt over thy heart, thy eyes and words.

Fourthly, It is eaſie to ſin God out of ſight, but not ſo eaſie to pray him in: If ſo, O ſtand faſt in God's Fear; and when moſt injoyed, let him be moſt prized, and Sin moſt feared.

Fifthly, Sin leaſt ſeen, is the moſt futile and hardeſt conquered: Then watch and mourn moſt for that which is leaſt ſeen. Heart-Sin, as to men, ſeemeth leaſt, but as to God, hated moſt.

Sixthly, No ſoul ſeeketh for Pardon ſuitably, unleſs he is as much and as eagerly deſirous of Power againſt Sin, as Pardon.

Seventhly, Sins of Conſtitution are moſt to be feared, Heb. 12.1. But when Sins of Conſtitution get into cuſtome, then Sin hath got both its wings, & only a mighty Power of God can conquer it. O fear the Sin of Conſtitution, as Death; and Cuſtome, as Hell: for if they once joyn, they will cauſe the ſoul to fly out of ſight of Preſence, and ſight of Experience, and all ability to return. If ſo, mind;

When a ſoul is there, to go back it cannot, to go forward is death and Hell, ſo then all it can do under its loſs, is to ſhrink down into its empty nothing ſtate, and lye low in it ſelf with its eye ſingly on Free-Grace in Chriſt.

p. 39Eighthly, No heart thus truly lying low, but is lifted up; when up; ſtand in fear, ſin no more.