The Holy Life and Happy Death of John Bruen, Chapter 13
CHAP. XIII.
His more effectuall converſion and the fruits of it, Cap. 14HAving now ſpent ſome few yeares of his youth in the purſuit of theſe vanities, leſt he ſhould trifle out his precious time in ſuch carnall pleaſures any longer: The Lord began to awaken him to ſome better ſight and ſenſe of his errour and offence in this courſe, and to prepare him now as a veſſell of honour for better ſervice and imployment both in his owne, and in his maſters houſe.
VponUpon his fathers death.In the yeere 1587. It pleaſed tho Lord to call unto his mercy his worthy Father, upon whoſe deceaſe he being much perplexed both in minde and ſtate, ſome ſorrowes and feares, thoughts and cares began to ſtirre and work within him, and the Lord (who beſt knoweth the fitteſt times and ſeaſons for his own work) began to work alſo for his more effectuall calling and reformation therewithall. And this he did by the rebukes of his Word and checkes of his Spirit, convincing his judgement, and changing his minde and heart,By Gods good meanes. from the love of baſer, to a delight in better things: For now he began to ſearch his heart and try his wayes, and to call himſelfe to an account for his former courſes, and meaſuring all thoſe things by the line of the Word, and in the ballance of the Sanctuary, which he had found or felt before in the pleaſures of this life, he ſaw there was nothing at all, in them all, but vanity of vanities, and vexation of ſpirit.Not very violent. And albeit the pangs of his converſion, and paines of his new birth were not ſo violent as others of Gods childrens have beene; or as Pauls, Constantines, and Luthers were, yet were his paſſions and affections, at this time, not much unlike unto S. Auſtins, upon the point of his converſion, who being now weary of the wayes of vanity, and tyred out with the weight of his owne ſinne, in a holy deſire to caſt off the burden that did preſſe him downe, and to ſhake off the pleaſing ſins that did intangle him ſo faſt, powred out his heart in prayers and teares before the Lord, after this manner: Ʋſquequo Domine iraſceris? in finem? Ne memor fueris iniquitatum mearum antiquarum. How long Lord wilt thou be angry? for ever?Like unto S. Auſtins. Be not mindfull of my old ſins. Quamdiu? quamdius? cras, & cras? Quare non hodie? quare non hac hora finis turpitudinis meae? How long? how long? To morrow? and to morrow? Why not to day? why not this houre is there not an end of my former filthineſſe? O happy Auſtin, and holy man of God, that was firſt thus humbled, that he might be exalted! And yet more happy, that having the Lord to ſeeke him as a loſt ſheep, he finding himſelfe to go aſtray, began preſently to ſeek the Shepheard, that ſought him; and happy moſt of all in this, that in ſo ſeeking the Lord, he did both finde him and was found of him.In many particulars I will not compare this Gentleman for meaſure of grace, with S. Austin, but for the nature, manner, meanes, and time, and truth of their converſion, he may well go hand in hand with him.
1. Austin was about 32 yeares of age when he was effectually called and converted, and ſo was he.
2. Auſtin had at that time many combats betwixt Reaſon and Religion, the fleſh and the ſpirit; and ſo had he.
3. Austin had his heart full of prayers, and his eyes full of teares, when he ſought after God; and ſo had he.
4. Austin had and held ſweet communion with God by Colloquies, Soliloquies, holy and heavenly meditations; and ſo did he.
5. Auſtin having once taſted the ſweetneſſe of the Lord, thought nothing ſo pleaſant as to forgoe the pleaſures of his former vanities,Aug. Conſ. lib. 9. cap. 1. Quam ſuave mihi ſubitò factum eſt carere ſuavitatibus nugarum? And held it now a joy to renounce thoſe joyes and toyes, which before he was afraid to loſe. Et quas amittere metus fuerat, eas jam dimittere gaudium erat; And ſuch for all the world were this Gentlemans deſires and delights, ſuch his diſpoſition and affection, when once he had taſted how ſweet the Lord was, and had drunk of the pleaſures of his houſe ſomwhat more freely and fully than formerly he had done: Whereof Auſtin gives the reaſon for them both, Tu enim Domine, qui vera es, & ſumma ſuavitas, ejiciebas eas à me, ejiciebas, & intrabas pro e…s, omni voluptate dulcior, omni luce clarior, &c. For thou O Lord who art the true and chief ſweetneſſe it ſelfe, didſt caſt out of me thoſe pleaſures of vanities, thou didſt caſt them out, and didſt enter in thy ſelfe in ſtead of them; being unto me more delicious than any delight, more cleare than any light whatſoever.
6. Auſtins converſion was ſo bleſt of God, that it was an occaſion of the converſion of others of his friends, as of Alipius, Nebridius, and Evodius, neare about the ſame time. And ſo was this Gentlemans converſion bleſt of God alſo, being attended and accompanied with the converſion of diverſe of his friends, brothers, and ſiſters, and neighbours, who being brought on by his good meanes, and Gods bleſſing, unto a love and liking of the truth of the Goſpell, were alſo effectually called to the profeſſion, and practice of the ſame.
7. Auſtin being converted, did not onelyonly ceaſe from the practice of his former vanities, and old ſinnes of his youth, but he renounced the hereſie of the Manichees, wherewith he was tainted, and did for go his Rhetoricke Lecture at Millan, fearing to doe hurt unto his Schollars any longer, by poyſoning their mindes with errors and lies, and corrupting their hearts with words of vanity. And ſo did this Gentleman utterly renounce the pleaſure, and practice of his former vanities, and purge out of his heart the poyſon of Popiſh errours, wherewith formerly he had been infected, and would never any more either read, or heare ſuch Lectures of vanity as formerly he was wont to do.
8. Laſtly, Auſtin upon his converſion began to ſeeke and ſerve the Lord with great power, and zeale, both in his perſon and calling, ſtanding and ſtriving for the truth againſt a lie, yea every lie that durſt confront it, or aſſaile it. And ſo did this Gentleman for his calling, and ſtanding (according to the gifts and graces which God had given him) though herein much inferiour to Auguſtine, (I confeſſe) who is gone before him, yet ſuperiour by much to many, if not the moſt of his rank, that either lived with him, or ſhall follow after him. The truth of all which ſpecialties, ſhall God willing be ſeene in divers and ſundry particulars more plainly, in the courſe of his life, and ſequele of this ſtory.