Advice to an Only Child, Chapter 15 – Chapter 16
CHAP. XV. How to manage your Converſe in Company.
1. LET that grace of Love and Charity commended to you in the former Chapter, ſteer and influence you in your Civil Converſe in all Companies. Let it be as a bridle to your tongue, to reſtrain your ſpeaking evil of others, and to curb all cenſuring. Take him (ſaith holy Mr. Baxter) that ſpeaks evil of another to you, to be Satan's Meſſenger, intreating you to hate your Brother, or to abate your Love. Let me then warn and caution you, not to run upon Satans Errand, or to do his Meſſage. And conſider that this ſpeaking evil of others, is the great Make-bate, the grand Incendiary that raiſeth up flames, kindles hatred and malice, and damps all Love and Affection. It's the Sluce of diſſention and diſcord, the great Inlet of jarrs and animoſities, of quarrels and contentions in all Companies. And as for cenſuring of others, how familiar is it with thoſe of your Sex, when they come together, to run diviſion in the Cenſures of other perſons, either for their entertainments, their garb and dreſſing, their outward behaviour and geſtures, or ſome ſuch trifles? alway finding fault, and often making (as Coneys do holes in the Rocks) where they cannot find; therefore do you mind your ſelf only; look within your ſelf, within your own heart; in this reſpect keep at home, like a good Huſwife; be much within doors, within your own boſom, to ſpy what fault there is, and go not abroad in uncharitable Cenſures of others. In the Twilight we can ſee to read without doors, when we cannot within: We cannot ſee the ſwellings in our own hearts, when we can eaſily ſpy ſmall Pimples in another; we can ſee the Mo…e in anothers Eye, when we cannot the Beam in our own.
2. Be watchful when you are in Company, that you contract no harm thereby. The Bee in the midſt of the Hive full of clinging ſtuff, yet keeps her wings untoucht with it. Indeed vain Company hath uſually a very ſtrong force, to make us imitate their geſtures, words and actions; we uſually learn our Pronunciation, our Shib…th, and our Geſtures and Gate, by our Company. You can ſcarce come any where, but there is ſome white Wall, or ſome black Hood, ſo that you ſhall carry ſomething away with you. But the greateſt danger is from carnal Friends and Relations; theſe indeed are the great Impediments in the way to Heaven. Many in all probability had been holy and gracious perſons, if they had had better Kindred, and lived where Godlineſs had been encouraged, and good Examples given thereunto. O it is a very ſad thing to be near to them, whoſe nearneſs will remove you further from God! Be therefore exceeding careful, to keep your ſpiritual Watch in your Company; and labour ſo to live in the World, as not to partake of the corrupt and ſinful humours of it: As Mother Pearls live in the Sea, not taking in one drop of Salt Water into their Shells.
3. But yet as much as poſſible may be, avoid joyning your ſelf with any Acquaintance, except ſuch by whom you may be made better. The Royal Pſalmiſt begins his firſt Pſalm with the bleſſedneſs of that perſon, who hath not walkt in the company of the ungodly. Diamonds will not cement with Rubbiſh.
4. In all Converſe in any Company, let ſome good words fall from you, that may tend to make them better. Let your Lips (like the Spouſes in the Canticles) drop as the Honey-comb; diſtil ſome ſweetneſs, ſome ſavoury and wholſom words. A word ſpoken in ſeaſon may thro' God's bleſſing tend to the eternal welfare of a Soul. A good Woman riding with her Husband in a great Thunder, which much affrighted him, and being askt by him what the reaſon was, why ſhe was not at all afraid, returned this ſweet and holy Anſwer; Becauſe it is my Fathers Voice. And this one ſeaſonable word proved the occaſion of his Converſion to God.
5. Be ſure to avoid all vain diſcourſe and idle chatt, which is the feminine malady; and let your words be few and well conſidered before you ſpeak. Remember that aſtoniſhing ſpeech, Mat. 12.36. That of every idle word, that you ſhall ſpeak, you ſhall give an account thereof at the day of Judgment.
CHAP. XVI. How to manage Solitarineſs.
1. VVHen you are ſolitary and alone, take heed of the creeping in of vain thoughts, which are then moſt apt to ſwarm. Oh it is incredible to think what a multitude of vain thoughts, run through the vain mind in an hour; perhaps as many as there be Sands in an Hour-glaſs. O what pity is it that this noble Soul ſhould be ſo idle, either doing nothing, or to ſo little purpoſe! It's an evil heart, that like Jett, draws to it ſelf nothing but Straws. O how much is it to be lamented, that this golden Mill of the Soul, ſhould ſpend it ſelf in grinding Chaff for its Enemy, the great deſtroyer of Mankind! O waſh thy heart from wickedneſs, how long ſhall thy vain thoughts lodge within thee? Jer. 4.14.
2. Entertain ſome ſhort diſcourſes with God, or with your ſelf when you are alone. You never need complain of Melancholy and Solitarineſs in want of Company, when you may make your ſelf company enough; for you may then hold diſcourſe with God and your own Soul. A Child of God is never leſs alone, than when moſt alone, becauſe he hath God uſually with him, who is the beſt company. That good Heathen Philoſopher Epictetus, could ſolace himſelf in his Solitarineſs in Baniſhment, with theſe thoughts, that Divine Colloquies and Conferences were to be had every where with God. O learn to converſe with God in your moſt ſolitary Retirements. Say to God, I will ſet thee always before me, Pſal. 16.8. Or you may profitably uſe ſome diſcourſes with your ſelf, ſome Divine Soliloquies; you may call your Soul aſide to her withdrawing Room; you may commune with your own heart in your Chamber, as the Pſalmiſt expreſſeth it; Pſal. 4.4. But not as the Fool in the Goſpel did, ſinging a ſecure lullaby to his Soul; Soul, thou haſt much goods laid up for many years, eat, drink, and be merry; Luk. 12.19. But after the example of the devout Pſalmiſt, ſinging a holy reſt to his Soul; Return unto thy Reſt, O my Soul! for God hath dealt bountifully with thee; Pſal. 116.7. Or if you have a troubled ſpirit, then you may talk to your ſelf in a way of challenge, or chiding expoſtulation; Why art thou caſt down, O my Soul! and why art thou diſquieted within me? As he did, Pſal. 42.5, 11. where he rallies up his Soul in that awakening Enquiry. And if after you ſee reaſon to alter your Note, and to give thanks for the ſcattering of that ſad Cloud by the Sun-ſhine of Pardoning Mercy and Love, then you may ſet your Affections in the ſame Key, in which the ſame holy Man's were in another Soliloquy, ſaying with him; Bleſs the Lord, O my Soul! and all that is within me bleſs his holy Name, who forgiveth all thine iniquities, and healeth all thy diſeaſes; Pſal. 103.1, 2, 3.
3. This courſe will much improve you in Piety and Holineſs; and this Retirement will help you to the moſt excellent Company, to the Fellowſhip of God and Chriſt, who will dwell in you; and the innumerable company of Angels and juſt men made perfect will be of the ſame Society with you. She that is not permitted to ſpeak in the Church, may thus preach to her ſelf, in her own private Chapel, to her great benefit. I mean that Sacred Chapel, which her Devotion hath built in her own heart.