Work for a Cooper, Title page – To the reader
Hay any worke for Cooper: OR, A BRIEFE PISTLE DIRECTED BY WAY OF an Hublication to the Reverend Byshops, counselling them if they will needes bee Barrelled up, for feare of smelling in the nostrills of his Majesty, and the state, that they would use the advise of Reverend Martin, for the providing of their Cooper, because the Reverend T. C. (by which mysticall Letters is understood, either the bounsing Parson of Eastmeane, or Tom Coakes his Chaplaine) to be an unskilfull and a Beceitfull Tub-trimmer. WHEREIN WORTHY MARTIN QVITS Himselfe like a Man I warrant you, in the modest defence of his selfe and his learned Pistles, and maketh the Coopers hoopes to flye off, and the Bishops Tubs to leake out of all cry.
Penned and Compiled by MARTIN the METROPOLITAN.
Printed in Europe, not farre from some of the Bounsing Priests,
A man of worship, to the men of worship, that is Marti… Mar-prelate gentleman, Primate, and Metropolitane of all the Ma…tins wheresoever, To the Iohn of all the Sir Iohns, and to the rest of the terrible Priests saith, have among you once againe, my clergie masters.
For,
O Brethren, there is such a deale of love grown of late I perceive, betweene you and me, tha… although I would be negligent in sending my Pistles unto you: yet I see you cannot forget me, I thought you to be very kind when you sent your Pursivaunts about the Country to seeke for me. But now that you your selves have taken the paines to write, this is out of all cry. Why it passes to thinke what loving and carefull Brethren I have, who although I cannot be gotten, to tell them where I am, because I love not the ayre of the Clinke or Gatehouse in this cold time of Winter, and by reason of my businesse in Pistle-making, will not. withstanding make it known vntounto the world, that they have a moneths mind towards me, now truly brethren. I find you kind, why ye doe not know what a pleasure you have done me. My worships bookes were vnknowne to many, before you allowed T. C. to admonish the people of England to take heed, that if they loved you, they would make much of their Prelates, and the chiefe of the Clergie. Now many seeke after my bookes, more then ever they did. Againe, some knew not that our brother Iohn of Fulham, was so good vntounto the porter of his gate, as to make the poore blind honest soule, to be a dum Minister. Many did not know, either that Amen, is as much as by my faith, and so that our Saviour Christ ever sware by his faith, or that bowling and eating of the Sabboth, are of the same nature: that Bishops may as lawfully make blind guydes, as David might cate of the Shew bread, or that father Thomas Tub-trimmer of Winchester, good old student, is a master of Ar…s of 45. yeares standing. Many I say, were ignorant of these things, and many other pretty toyes, vntill you wrote this pretty booke, besides whatsoever you overpasse in my writings, and did not gainsay, that I hope will be iudged to be true, and so Iohn a Bridges his treason out of the 448 page of his booke, you grant to be true. Your selves you deny not to be petty Popes, the Bishop of fir Davids in Wales, you deny not to have two wives, with an hundred other things which you doe not gain say, so that the reader may judge that I am true of my word, and vse not to lye like Bishops, and thi… hath greatly commended my worships good dealing. But in your confutation of my book, you have shewed reverend Martin to be truepeny indeed, for you have confirmed, rather then confuted him. So that brethren, the pleasure which you have done vntounto me, is out of all scotche and notche. And should not I againe be as ready to pleasure you? Nay, then I should be as vngratefull towards my good brethren (as Iohn of Ca…t. is to Thomas Cartwright. The which Iohn, although hee hath beene greatly favoured by the said Thomas, in that Thomas hath now these many yeares let him alone and said nothing vntounto him, for not answering his bookes, yet is not ashamed to make a secret comparison, betweene himselfe and Thomas Cartwright- As who say, Iohn of Lambehith, were as learned as Thomas Cartwright. What say you old deane Iohn a Bridges, have not you shewed your selfe thankefull vntounto his Majestie, in overthrowing his supremacie in the 448 page of your book. I will lay on load on your skincoat for this geare anon:
And I will have my penyworths of all of your brethren ere I have done with you, for thi… paines which your T. C. hath taken with me. This is the Puritans craft, in procuring me to be confuted I know: Ile be even with them, to a crafty whoresons brethren Bishop, did you thinke, because the puritans T. C. did set Iohn of Cant. at a nonplus, and gave him the overthrow, that therefor… your T. C. alias Thomas Cooper Bishop of Winchester, or Thomas Cooke his Chaplaine, could set me at a nonplus, simple fellowes, me thinkes he should not.
J gesse your T, C. to b… Thomas Cooper (but I do… not peremptorily affirme it) because the modest old student of 52▪ yeares standing, set…eth Winchester after Lincolne and Rochester in the cont…ts of his booke, which blasphemy, would not have beene toller…ted by them that saw and allowed the booke, vnlesse Mistresse Coopers husband had beene the author of it.
Secondly, hecuase this T. C, the author of this booke is a Bishop, and therefore Thomas Cooper he is a Bishop, because hee reckon…th himselfe charged …mongst others, with those crimes whereof none are accused but Bishops alone, pag. 101. lin. 26. Ha olde Martin, yet I see …hou hast it in thee, thou wilt enter into the bowels of the cause in hand I perceive. Nay if you will commend me, I will give you more reasons yet. Th… stile and the phra…e is very like her husbands, that was sometimes wont to write vntounto Doctor Day of Welles. You see I can doe it indeed. Againe, none would be so groshead as to gather▪ because my reverence telleth Deane Iohn, that hee shall have twenty fists about his …ares more then his owne (whereby J meant indeed, that many would write against him, by reason of his bomination learning, which otherwise never meant to take pen in hand) that J threatned him with blowes, and to deale by stafford law; whereas that was farre from my meaning, & could by no meanes be gathered out of my words, but onelyonly by him that pronon…ced Enlogeni for E…login in th… pulpit, and by him whom a Papist made to beleeve, that the Greek word Eulogein, that is to give thankes, signifie…h to make a crosse in the forhead: py hy hy hy, I cannot but laugh, py hy hy hy. I cannot but laugh, to thinke that an old soaking student in this learned ag…, is not ashamed to be so impud… as to pre…me to deale with a Papist, when he hath no grue in his pocket. But I promise you Sir, it is no shame to be a L. Bishop if a man could, though he were as vnlearned as Iohn of Glocester, or William of L…echfeld, And I tell you true, our brother Westchester, had as live play twenty nobles in a night, at Priemeero on the cards, as trouble himselfe with any Pulpit labour, and yet hee thinks himselfe to be a sufficient Bishop. What a Bishop such a cardplaier? A Bishop play 20 nobles in a night? Why a round threpence serveth the turne to make good sport 3 or foure nights amongst honest neighbours, and take heed of it brother Westchester▪ it is an vnlawfull game if you will believe me. For in Winter it is no matter to take a little sport for an odde cast braces of twenty nobles when the weather is foule, that men cannot goe abroad to bowles, or to shoote? What would you hav… men take no recreation: Yea but it is an old said s…w, enough is as good as a feast, and recreations must not be made a trade and an occupation, ka master Martin Mar-prelate, I tell you true brother min…, though J have as good a gift in pistle making, as you have at Prieme… ro, and f…re more delight then you can have at your card…, for the love I beare to my brethren, yet I dare not vse this sport, and cards I tell you though they be without hornes, yet they are parlous beasts, be they lawfull or vnlawfull take …eed of them for all that. For you cannot vse them but you must needs say your brother T. C. his …men, that is, swear… by your faith, many a time in the night, well I will never stand …rgling the matter any more with you, if you will leave your card-playing so it is, if you will not, trust to it, it will bee the wo…se for you.
I must goe simply and plainely to worke with my brethren, that have published T. C. Whosoever have published that booke, they have so hooped the Bishops tubs, that they have made them to s…ell farre more odious then ever they did, even in the nostrels of all men. The booke is of 252 pages; the drift thereof is to … certaine printed and published libels, you bestow not full 50 pages in the answer of any thing that ever was published in print, the rest are bestowed to maintain the belly, and to c…ute: what thinke you? Even the … inventions of your ow… braines for the most part. As that it is not lawfull for his Maiestie to allot any lands vntounto the maintenance of the Minister, or the Minister to live upon lands for this purpose allot…ed unto him, but is to content himselfe with a small pension, and so small, as he have nothing to leave for his wife and children after him (for who… hee is not to be car…full, but to rest on Gods providence) and is to require no more but foode and raiment, that in poverty he might b… answerable vntounto our Saviour Christ and his Apostles, in the confutation of these points, and the Scriptures corruptly applied to prove them▪ there is bestowed above 100 pages of this Booke, that is, from the 149 vntounto the end. Well T. C. whosoever thou art, and whatsoever Martin is, neither thou, nor any man or woman in England shall know while you live, suspect and trouble as …any as you will, and therefore save you… mony in seeking for him, for it may be he is nearer you then you are ware of. But whosoever thou a… I say, thou shewest thy selfe to be a most notorious wicked s…anderer, in fa…hering thes… things vpo… those whom they call Puritans, which …ever any enioying common sense would affirme▪ And bring me him, or set downe his name and his reasons that holdeth any of the former points confuted in thy booke, and I will prove him to be vtterly bereaved of his wits, and his confuter to be either starke mad, or a starke enemy to all religion, yea to his Majestie and the state, of this Kingdome. No no, T. C. Puritans hold no such points, it were well for Bishops, that their adversaries were thus sotti…. They might then justly incense his Maiestie and the state against them, if they were of this mind. These objections, in the confutation whereof, thou hast bestowed so much time, are so farre from having any Puritan to be their author, as whosoever readeth the booke, were he as blockheaded as Thomas of Winchester himselfe, he may easily know them to be obiections onelyonly invented by the author of the booke himselfe. For although he be an impudent wretch, yet dareth hee not set them downe, as writings of any other, for then he would have described the author and the booke by some audient.
The Puritans indeed hold it vnlawfull for a Minister to have such temporall revenewes, as whereby 10 ministers might be well maintained, vnlesse the said revenews come vntounto him by inheritance.
They hold it also vnlawfull, for any state to bestowe the livings of many ministers vponupon one alone, especially when there is such want of Ministers livings.
They hold it vnlawfull for any minister to be Lord over his brethren, and they hold it vnlawfull for any state to tolerate such vnderunder their government, because it is vnlawfull for states, to tolerate men in those places whereinto the word hath forbidden them to enter.
They affirme that our Saviour Christ hath forbidden all ministers to be Lords, Luke 22. 25. And the Apostle Peter, sheweth them to be none of Gods Ministers, which are Lords over Gods heritage, as you Bishops are, and would be accounted. These things T. C. you should have confuted, and not troubled your selfe, to execute the fruites of your owne braines, as an enemy to the state, And in these points, I doe challenge you T. C. and you Deane Iohn, and you Iohn Whitgift, and you Doctor Coosins, and you Doctor Capcase (Copcoat I thinke your name be) and as many else, as have or dare write in the defence of the established church government, if you cannot confute my former assertions, you doe but in vaine think to maintain your selves by slanders, in fathering vponupon the Puritans the offsprings of your own blockheads. And assure your selves, I will so be scoop, if you cānot defend your selves in these points, as all the world shall cry shame vponupon you, you thinke prettely to escape the point of your Antichristian callings, by giving out that Puritans hold it vnlawfull for his Maiestie to leave any lands for the vse of the ministers maintenance, J cannot but commend you. for I promise you, you can shift of an haynous accusation very prettily,
A true man bringeth vnanswerable witnesses against a robber by the high way side, and desireth the Judge, that the law may proceed against him, Oh no my Lord saith the thiefe, in any case let not me be dealt with. For these mine accusers have given out▪ that you are a drunkard or they have committed Treason against the state, therefore I pray you beleeve my slander against them, that they may be executed, so when I come to my tryall, I shall be sure to have no accusers. A very pretty way to escape, if a man could tell how to bring the matter about. Now brethren Bishops, your manner of dealing is even the very same. The puritans say truly, that all Lord Bishops are petty Antichrists, and therefore that the Magistrates ought to thrust you out of the common-wealth. Now of all loves say the Bishops, let not our places bee called in question, but rather credit our slanders against the Puritans, whereby, if men would beleeve vsus when wee lye, we would beare the world in hand, that these our accusers are Malecontents and sottish men, holding it unlawfull for the Magistrate to allot any lands for the Ministers portion, and unlawfull for the Minister to provide for his family. And therefore you must not give eare to the accusations of any such men against us. And so wee shall be sure to be acquitted. But brethren doe you thinke to be thus cleared? Why the Puritans hold no such points as you lay to their charge. Though they did, as th…y do not, yet that were no sufficient reasō, why you being petty Popes, should be maintained in a Christian common-wealth. A…swer the reasons that I brought against you otherwise. Come off you Bishops, leave your thousands, and content your selves with your hundreds, saith Iohn of London. So that you doe plainely see, that your Cooper T. C. is but a deceitfull workeman, and if you commit the hooping of your Bishopricks vntounto him, they will so le…ke in a short space as they shall be able to keep never a Lord Bishop in them. And this may serve for an answere vntounto the latter part of your booke, by way of an Interim, vntill more worke for Cooper bee published.
Hay any worke for Cooper.
ANd now reverend T. G. I am come to your Epistle to the reader, but first you and I must goe out alone into the plaine fields, and the…e wee will try it out, even by plaine Syllogismes, and that I know Bishops cannot abide to heare of.
The reverend T. G. to the Reader. Page 1.
I draw great danger upon my selfe, in defending our Bishops and others the chiefe of the clergie of the church of England. Their adversaries are very eger: the Saints in heaven have felt of their tongues, for when they speake of Paul, Peter, Mary, &c. whom others iustly call saints: they in derision call them sir Peter, sir Paul, sir Mary.