The Young Mans Guide, Chapter 30
CHAP. XXX. Sheweth the necessity of performing Relative Duties.
VII. HAve special regard to the Duties thou owest to thy Relations, wherein consisteth a great part of a Christians work. If God hath blessed thee with a Family, let thy care be that God may be honoured therein, by a constant, conscionable performance of holy and religious duties. Relative Duties do more demonstrate Piety, and true Godliness, than General Duties. The work of Grace in mens Conversations doth appear much in the Duties of their Relations: If therefore thou profess Godliness, manifest the truth and power of it in performing the Duties of thy Relations.
Whatsoever men may talk of Godliness, except it appear in a conscionable discharge of the duties of their Relations, all their talk and profession of Religion is … no purpose. Except a Servant be diligent and faithful to his Master, a Child dutiful to his Parent, a Wife loving and obedient to her Husband, all their profession of Religion is in vain. So unless Masters, Parents, and Husbands, be careful and conscionable in the discharge of the duties of their Relations, all their talk of Godliness is to no purpose.
Therefore, O Young Man, have special regard to thy Relative Duties: if thou be not good therein, thou art not good at all, what shew of goodness soever thou makest. A good man, but a careless Master, careless of the Souls of his Servants! A good man, but an harsh, unkind Husband, these cannot well stand together: Men are really what they are relatively: except thou art relatively good, thou art not really good. Be therefore exactly conscionable in the duties of thy Relations. If thou beest a Master, a Governour of a Family, be just and merciful to thy servants, careful for the saving of their Souls. If thou beest an Husband, be kind and loving to thy Wife, let all thy Commands be in love, then will they be more chearfully obeyed. If thou beest a Father, be careful in the education of thy Children, bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord: As God hath made them thy Children by Natural Generation, do thou endeavour to make them his Children by a Religious Education. Know that relative duties and graces do very much grace Religion.
Q. What are those special relative duties which are incumbent upon Masters and Governours of Families, in reference to those under their charge?
A. 1. Let your houses be daily perfumed by a Morning and Evening Sacrifice of Prayer and Praise unto God. Both which were appointed under the Law, Exod. 29. 38, 39. and this shadowed what was to be performed under the Gospel. God renews his mercies to you every Morning, and protects you every night from manifold dangers whereunto you are subject: and can you be so ungrateful and unmindful of him, who is every moment so mindful of you, as not to offer up unto him a Morning and an Evening Sacrifice?
2. Let the Word of God be frequently read in your Families, which is not only the Foundation of Faith, and the Well-spring of Saving Wisdom, but also the ground of Godliness, and the Guide of Practice, able to make you wise unto Salvation, 2 Tim. 3. 15. We cry out against the Pope and Popish Clergy for locking up the Scriptures in an unknown Tongue from the Laity, not suffering them to have a Bible in their Mother-tongue: whereas many Masters amongst us deal much alike with those under their charge, who if they do not lock up the Scriptures from them, yet neither do they unlock them to them, by causing them to be read among them. Certainly did you seriously consider the benefit that might redound to your servants by a frequent hearing the Word read, you could not but be more frequent therein. Are any of them addicted to Drunkenness, Lying, or Swearing? who knows but upon hearing the threa…nings in Gods Word denounced against those sins, they m…y for the …ime to come abhor and avoid the same? Or are any of thy servants unprofitable, and disobedient unto thee? who knows but upon hearing the duties of servants read out of the Word of God, where they are commanded to be obedient to their Masters in all things, and to serve them not with eye-service, as men-pleasers, but as the servants of Christ with singleness of heart; as Ephes. 5. 5, 6. they may become more obedient and profitable unto thee! So that, methinks, for thine own good, as well as theirs, thou shouldst cause the Word to be frequently read in thy Family.
3. Set some time apart in every Week to Catechize those under thy charge, teaching them the chief Principles of Religion; than which there is no better means to keep them from the errours of the times. If he be worse than an Infidel who provides not for the bodies of those in his Family, what then is he who takes no care of their Souls, neglecting to instruct them in the Principles of the Oracles of God?
Content not thy self with a dead, distracted manner of serving God, but stir up thy self to a lively, spiritual performing those holy duties thou takest in hand. To draw near unto God with our bodies, and honour him with our lips, when our hearts and spirits are removed from him, is no better than a mocking of God, which he abhors and detests.
V. As a means and help for the constant performing these Family-duties, have special care of the choice of thy Yoke-sellow, that thou marry a Vertuous woman, one who is related to Christ, at least one that liketh and approveth the best things. If thy Wife be not a promoter of Godliness in the Family, she will be a hinderer thereof. The Scripture in setting forth the wickedness of Iehoram, renders this as the reason thereof, that he had the Daughter of Ahab to Wife, 2 Chron. 21. 6.
Therefore, O Young Man, in seeking after a Wife, it will be thy wisdom:
1. To look more after righteousness, than after riches; to inquire more after her Piety, than after her Portion; to know rather with what Religion she is indued, than with what Estate she is indowed. Alas what is the richest Portion, the most exquisite Beauty, and the rarest parts, in comparison of a mind inobled with Grace and Ver…ue?
A Wife, as well as an Husband, is the greatest outward comfort or cross in the world: So that to err once in the choice of a Wife, is in a manner to be undone for ever. Therefore, O Young Man, be sure thou seek unto God by Prayer, for his direction and assistance in this great work, upon which much of thy future happiness or misery doth depend.
2. Next to Piety, Prudence and Discretion is to be looked at in a Wife. For wisdom exceeds solly, as much as light exceeds darkness, Eccles. 2. 13. And indeed what is Beauty without discretion, but as a Iewel of Gold in a Swines snout, Prov. 11. 22. And Solomon, by way of commendation, setteth forth a prudent Wife to be a special gift, and principal blessing of God, such as excelleth all other temporal blessings whatsoever.
3. Marriage-affection requires some external amiableness, that she be a pleasing person in whom thou mayst delight: Though (as the Wise Man speaketh, Prov. 31. 30.) favour be deceitful, and beauty vain; because they are subject many ways to decay, and vanish away; yet favour and beauty may serve for the rooting, and settling of affection at the first.
4. In regard that Marriage is the Foundation of a Family and Posterity, a Portion is not to be contemned, though not chiefly to be desired. Therefore in seeking a Wife, let not wealth and riches be chiefly in thine eye, as if thou wert going about a Purchase, and wert to Wed not the Woman, but her Wealth: but look more to her inward goodness, than to her worldly goods.
Lastly, For a conclusion of the whole, In the careful observation of all these directions, give diligence to make thy Calling and Election sure. It will not suffice me to press thee to do something, that so thou mayst have hope; I would perswade thee to thy whole duty, that so thou mayst have assurance that it shall be well with thee. And less than I have here advised thee to, will not suffice thee to make sure for everlasting. He must duplicate page duplicate page be an Universal Christian that will be an assured Christian; there is as much required to assurance, as is required in the whole Scripture.
Well, what sayst thou? wilt thou henceforth adventure thy Soul on conjectural and deceitful hopes? or wilt thou set to it to make sure for Heaven? What shall I say more to perswade thee? Give me leave, e're I dismiss thee, to urge upon thee an argument or two. Whatever thou hast to do here, make sure for hereafter. For.
1. Nothing temporal can be made sure.
2. If things eternal be made sure, it's no great matter though things temporal remain at the greatest uncertainties.
1. Nothing temporal can be made sure. This World is a World of uncertainties; The riches of it are uncertain riches, 2 Tim. 6. 17. The pleasures of it are uncertain pleasures, worldly Friends are uncertain Friends.
The Wheel of Providence is ever turning: Now one's at the top of the Wheel, and then another and another; and he that was just now at the top, by and by tumbles down, and the Wheel runs over him. How often do rich men break, and poor men get up in their rooms, and then tumble down after them, and give place to him that comes next. To day thou hast an Estate, but who can tell what thou mayst have to morrow? Such an uncertain World this is, and at such uncertainties are the things thereof, and there's no preventing it.
It's good to be sure of something. Since Earth can never be made sure, thou art the more concerned to make sure of Heaven. To have all at uncertainties, both here and hereafter, this is such a misery, as every one that is wise will do what he can to prevent.
2. If things Eternal be made sure, it's no great matter though things Temporal be at the greatest uncertainties. This world is uncertain; a world of changes, of disappointments, vexations, and all kinds of troubles: Why, let it be so; so Heaven be sure, no matter for all these lower uncertainties.
Young Man, thou art going forth into the world, how thou mayst prosper in it, notwithstanding all thy skill and care, God only knows, who can tell what crosses thou mayst meet with in thy very entrance, that may dash all thy hopes? And if thou hast never so fair and hopeful a beginning, yet who knows what may be thy lot before the end of thy day? Why now wouldst thou get above all casualties and crosses, and at once be a Conquerour of all the World? Wouldst thou have thy quiet and contentment out of the reach of Winds and Storms? and be able to live chearfully in every condition? make Heaven sure, and 'tis done! Thou mayst then hoise up thy Sails, commit thy self to the Wind and Seas, make on thy Voyage, and never be appall'd at the Storms on the way: whilest thou hast this assurance, thou shalt come safe to Harbour, and not an hair of thy head perish.
Thus have you, dear Youths, the desires and breathings of my Soul after your happiness here, and blessedness hereafter, expressed in some useful directions suitable to your present state and condition, shewing you how to deport and carry your selves, both in your General, and Particular Calling so, that you may please God in all things here, and live with him in everlasting blessedness. Now my hearty request to you is, that you will not content your selves with a bare reading of them; but resolve, with the assistance of Gods Grace, to enter upon the real practice of them. And oh that the Lord, who alone teacheth to profit, would please so to set them home upon your hearts, that they may tend to your spiritual good here, and eternal salvation hereafter.
O Young Men, you are now Flowers in the Bloom, you are those First-fruits which should be offered to the Lord: Oh that now you would consecrate your selves unto God, and his service: Oh that while you are Young, you would with Isaac, give your selves to Prayer and Meditation; and with Samuel, serve the Lord from your Youths; and with young Solomon, study to know, and serve the God of your Fathers; and with Obadiah, fear the Lord from your Youths; and with young Iosiah, do that which is right in the sight of the Lord: And to these ends, with Timothy, from your Youth, addict your selves to the reading of the Scriptures, which are able to make you wise unto Salvation. Oh that you would set these mens lives as Copies for your imitation, giving up your selves intirely, and unfeignedly to the Lord in a truly gracious life.
O Young Men, you are now in your preparations for Eternity; and therefore had need to be very watchful over your selves, to see that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil, Ephes. 5. 15. Little do you consider how much dependeth upon this moment of time, which God for the present is pleased to vouchsafe unto you, even no less than the whole weight of Eternity. Upon your well or ill improving of your time, and Talents here, depends your everlasting condition, that Estate which is to be for ever and ever. Oh what folly and madness then must it needs be in you, to suffer your Lusts, or wicked Companions, to steal away this Jewel, your precious time, which is more worth than all the world! Oh that for the future you would so live every day, as those that live for Eternity. It is sadly evident, that too too many losing their first and tender years, in conclusion lose their Souls also.
O Dear Youths, Behold the Arms of Free Grace are yet open to imbrace you, if now you will abandon your Youthful Lusts, and cordially turn unto God, who is willing to forgive, yea willing to forget all former mis…arriages upon the reforming your lives; Turn ye, turn ye therefore from your evil ways, for why will ye die? Ezek. 33. 11.
In this small Treatise, I have set before you Life and Death, Heaven and Hell, Happiness and Misery. Know assuredly, that as you chuse now, so shall you speed hereafter. Oh then for the Lord Christ's sake, and for the sake of your poor Souls, chuse that good part which shall never be taken from you: walk in the path which leadeth to life, and happiness, that you may not perish, and be tormented with the Devils in hell fire to all Eternity.
And now, my Friend, I bid thee farewel. Take these words along with thee, let them ever be before thine eyes, and upon thine heart, and then go on thy way. Good Counsel be with thee, that thou mayst guide thine affairs with discretion: and good success be upon thee, that thou mayst eat the fruit of thy good doings. I wish first that thy Soul may prosper, and then I also wish that thy Body may prosper, and thy Family may prosper, and thy Estate may prosper, as thy Soul prospereth.
The Lord be with thee in all that thou settest thine hand unto. The Almighty bless thee; let his blessing be upon thy labours; let his blessing be upon all thy substance: let him help thee in thy work, and increase thy store: let his Sun shine upon thy Tabernacle, and let the light of his Countenance make glad thine heart, let him guide thee with his eye, hold thee in his hands, carry thee in his bosom, till he hath lodged thee safe in the Everlasting Rest.
Amen.
FINIS.
End of the text · Thomas Gouge, The Young Mans Guide (1676)