Christian Directions, Chapter 13
CHAP. XIII.
Of our Behaviour in Company.
AS thou must be watchful over thy self when thou art alone, so likewise when thou art in company, looking unto thy behaviour therein; and the rather, because wee are generally more apt to transgress in company, than when wee are alone; experience teacheth us, that many who in secret are watchful over their thoughts, labouring to improve their privacy by some heavenly meditation, and sweet communion with God, are in company very apt to forget God, and themselves too, by giving too much way to the satisfying of their carnal lusts and pleasures, whereby they fall into many sins. And therefore it will not be amiss to set down some directions to guide thee when thou art in company.
But before I lay down these Directions, I shall premise an Argument or two to perswade thee to make choice of the good, and godly, and by no means of wicked and ungodly …sons for thine ordinary converse. As also a preparatory advice or … for the better fitting and preparing of thee to improve thy converse with men to the best spiritual advantage.
1 Therefore highly prize, and earnestly seek the company of such as are godly, because thou wilt finde a greater increase in thy Piety, Knowledge, Faith, Zeal, and all other graces thereby; if you look into the Primitive times, you shall finde, that when the Christians did most frequently associate themselves together, delighting in the communion of each other, then did they most of all thrive and increase, as in Piety, so in Knowledge, Faith, Love Zeal, and all other graces. And it may be observed, that where the people of God do not associate themselves in holy communion, there is little thriving in grace and godliness, though they live under never so powerful a Ministery.
2 Avoid as much as may bee the society of wicked and prophane persons, especially such as are scoffers at Godliness and Religion. Because wee are very apt to be perverted by evil company, and corrupted with the contagion of their sins; such pitch will defile our garments.
3 Avoid the society of wicked men, because wee are thereby in danger to bee involved in their temporal plagues. All prophane men being liable every moment to those fearful plagues, and judgements, which their sins justly deserve, and earnestly call for; If God should showre them down upon them, while the godly are in their company, how can they expect immunity from the same?
4 Avoid their company, because wee shall thereby incourage and imbolden them in their wicked and prophane courses. For it is a great incouragement unto wicked men to go on in their wicked and sinful courses, when as they are countenanced with the society of the godly.
Now for the better fitting and preparing thy self for profitable converse when thou art in company, I shall onelyonly give thee these two advises.
1 That thou mayest bee the better furnished with matter for useful discourse, often, and seriously meditate with thy self on some general head of Divinity; as of our wretched and miserable condition by nature, of the all-sufficiency of Christs sacrifice, of the vanity and uncertainty of all earthly things; of the shortness of this life; of the day of judgement. By often contemplating of the… things, or the like, with thy self in secret, thou wilt be bett… …abled to talk and discourse of them … of others, and that to their good and edification, as well as to thine own.
2 Before thou goest into company, bee earnest with God in prayer for grace so to order thy conversation, and discourses, that they may tend, as to the glory of his name, so to thine own and others good, and spiritual advantage.
These things thus premised, come wee now to the Directions for the good government of thy self when thou art in company; which I shall lay down
1 More generally.
2 More particularly.
1 In reference to thy behaviour in good company.
2 In reference to thy behaviour in bad.
The general Directions for thy behaviour in company are these.
I. Let thy carriage and conversation bee humble, willing to communicate thy counsels, comforts and experiences to the poorest and meanest Christians, and to partake of their counsels, comforts, and experiences; not disdaining to learn any good thing of those, who in several respects are much thine inferiours.
II. In all thy conversings with men, labour to bee fruitful and profitable, both to thy self, and others, by receiving and doing all the good thou canst.
1 To thy self, by receiving all the good thou canst from others. To this end, when thou art in the company of others, diligently observe in what gifts and graces any doth excel (for God hath dispensed various gifts unto his people,2 Cor. 12. 4, 8, 9, 10. all are not alike qualified) and then labour to draw forth those gifts and graces to thine own spiritual good and advantage.
2 To others, by communicating unto them such good things as thou conceivest most suitable unto their present state and condition. The more good thou communicarest unto others, the more will God communicate unto thee.
III. Often lift up thine heart unto God in some short ejaculatory prayer, that hee would open thy lips, that thy mouth may shew forth his prayse, Psal. 51. 15.that hee would inable thee so to speak, that thy words and discourses may tend to the good and edification of others, ministring grace to the hearers.Ephes 4. 29.
Having thus given thee general Directions for thy behaviour in com…; come wee now to the more particular directions … good company.
I. When thou art in good company,Nihil de Scripturis, nihil de salute agitur animarum, sed nug…, & risus, & verba proseruntur in venturs. Bernard. trifle not away thy time with worldly conferences and discourses, as the common fault of too too many is, whereof Saint Bernard complained in his time. But let the subject of thy discourse rather be some spiritual matter.
II. Labour to turn the current of worldly discourses into spiritual; to that end watch every opportunity which may occasion any digression from worldly matters, into some spiritual and heavenly subject.
III. Bee ready to communicate and impart such spiritual gifts and graces as thou hast received. Hast thou any competent measure of saving knowledge? communicate thy knowledge unto others, by acquainting them with the mysteries of salvation. Hast thou found comfort after thy spiritual troubles and desertions? Hast thou found support under thy trials and temptations? Hast thou found gracious answers and returns to thy prayers? Hast thou got the victory over any lust or corruption? freely and willingly communicate and impart unto others the experiences thou hast had of Gods Mercy, Power, and Goodness in thy several straights, and exigencies, directing them to such waies and courses wherein thy self hast found much good and benefit. This wee finde expresly commanded.1 Per. 4. 10.
The particular directions referring to our behaviour in bad company, are these.
I. When by reason of some common occasion thou art in bad company (for otherwise, as wee shewed before, thou art by all means to avoid it) see that thy conversation bee with a Dove-like innocency, blameless and harmless, according to that exhortation of the Apostle, in Philip. 2. 15. The truth is, there is scarce a better means to propagate the Gospel, and to fasten it on the affections of natural men, than the fair carriage, and honest conversation of the Professors thereof. It is as the odout of Christs oyntment, the fragrancy whereof draws the affections of others.
II. Be careful that thou partake not of their sins; Which Direction the Apostle giveth,Ephes. 5. 11. saying, Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness: Hee meaneth, that they should no way communicate, or be partakers with their sins, which hee calleth works of darkness.
Quest. How may wee bee said to partake with others in their sins?
Answ. …en partake of others sins, as by provoking them to sin, so by approving their sin. Men approve others sins openly, or covertly … Openly, by Word, or Deed.
By Word. Prov. 24. 24.1 When they commend others for their sins.Prov. 17. 15.
2 When they patronize and defend them in their sins.Isa. 5. 20.
3 When they soothe them up,Acts 8. 1. and 22. 20. and flatter them therein. Men approve others sins by Deed, Lev. 5. 1.when they be companions and agents with them in the same sins. Covertly men approve others sins,Deut. 13. 6, 7, 8. and 21. 7. when they tacitly consent unto them. Hee may be said tacitly to consent, that either revealeth not the sin hee knows, when hee ought;ut malus scrmo in ducit in peccatum, sic malum silentium relinquit in peccato. Augustin. or shews no dislike of it, when hee beholds it. And this oftentimes is as hurtful, in respect of the offender, as ill counsel; for as evil speech moveth men to sin, so evil silence leaveth men in sin.
III. Grieve and mourn for the sins thou discernest amongst them. It is noted oft,Deut. 9. 18, 19. and commended as a special grace in sundry of Gods Saints,Neh. 1. 4. that they have been greatly troubled in themselves at the dishonour done to God even by the sins of others;Psa. 119. 158. as Moses, Nehemiah, David, Ieremiah, Jer. 13. 17.and others.
IV. When thou observest any wickedness committed by thy neighbour, reprove him for the same; Levit. 19. 17.which duty wee finde much pressed upon Gods people in the Scriptures. Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart, thou shalt in any wi…e rebuke thy brother, and not suffer sin upon him. Wherein are implied two things.
1 That hee who doth not reprove his brother when hee seeth him do amiss, doth indeed hate him, and not love him; for there is no love like the love of reproof.
2 That by not reproving thy brother, thou sufferest him to run on▪ and continue in his course of sin, which will at last prove his destruction.
For the right manner of performing this duty, both certain General Rules must be observed, and also Particular, according to diverse circumstances. General Rules are these.
1 Hee that reproveth another, must lift up his heart in prayer unto God, that hee would so guide his tongue, and move the others heart, that his reproof may bee profitable unto him. For without Gods blessing, all our admonitions and reproofs will prove but words spoken in the air.
2 Our reproof must bee done in love, aiming therein at our brothers good, and not at all at his disgrace. For … the Apostle speaketh,1 Cor. 16. 14. All things must bee done in love; And as … things, so especially this of reproof. Concerning Particular Rules, both the state of the party reproving, and of the party reproved▪ and the quality of the sin, together with time and place must bee observed.
1 The state and condition of the party reproving must bee observed. As they who have authority over others have greater liberty to reprove, so if they have to deal with notorious scandalous offenders, they then may and must do it.
1 With authority, Tit. 2. 15.as the Apostle exhorteth,T…t. 1. 13. foreign Rebuke with authority.
2 Sharply, So the Apostle commandeth, Rebuke them sharply. The word in the Greek translated sharply, properly signifieth cuttingly, or to the quick. Ely failed herein; though hee reproved his sons for their wickedness, yet it was not sharply, and to the quick, but with too much gentleness and mildness.
2 The mind and …isposition of the party reproved must be observed: For if hee bee flexible and ingenuous,Gal. 6. 1. hee must with mildness bee reproved, even with the spirit of meekness, as the Apostle Paul expresseth it. But yet severity must bee used when lenity prevails not.
3 The state and condition of the party reproved is to bee observed. For
1 If it bee our Superiour, it must be done with all reverence and humility, rather beseeching and exhorting, than plainly rebuking, as Naamans servants did their Master.2 King. 5. 11, 13.
2 If the party to be reproved be our equal, then it must bee done without all bitterness, even with all love. Reproof is a bitter pill, and therefore it must alwaies be rolled with Sugar, expressing much meekness of spirit, and compassion of heart; shewing in the hatred of our brothers sin, our love of his person.
4 The quality of the sin reproved must likewise bee observed.
1 Private offences must bee privately reproved; For saith our Saviour,Mat. 18. 15. If thy brother trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone. But open and scandalous offences must be reproved openly. For saith the Apostle,1 Tim. 5. 20. Them that sin, viz. openly, and with scandal, rebuke before all, i. e. before the whole assembly of the Church, that others also may fear.
2 Sins directly tending to Gods dishonour, must bee reproved with an holy zeal and indignation. Christ thus often reproved the Scribes and Pharisees. And thus Peter reproved Simon Magus.Act. 8. 20.
5 The se…onableness of the time must with great wisdome bee observed. To rebuke a drunkard in his drunkenness is folly; Abigal knew as much,2 Sam. 25. 26. and therefore said nothing to Nabal in his drunken fit, but in the morning, when the wine was gone out of him. So neither is it seasonable to reprove a man for his passion in his passion; wait rather for a fit time, till a mans fit and passion bee over.
6 The seasonableness of the place must likewise bee observed. Unless it bee for due and just censure, let it not bee in publick Assemblies, open streets, with the like. But if by the way thou observest a man sin, whom thou knowest not whether ever thou shalt see him again, or no, then as privily as thou canst, thou maist meekly rebuke him. Thus shalt thou manifest thy Zeal for Gods glory, thine hatred of sin, and thy care for thy brothers salvation.