The Souls Looking Glass, Treatise · Part 6
The degrees of a troubled conſcience.
II. THe next thing I promiſed to ſhew is the degrees of a troubled conſcience. A troubled conſcience hath divers degrees: For ſome conſciences are more troubled then other ſome. 1. The firſt degree is ſuch a degree as may be in Gods children: and this ariſeth not ſo much from the apprehenſion of Gods wrath as from the guilt of ſinne: Their conſciences grieve and are troubled to think that they have ſinned and offended the Lord God. Thus we ſee David could not be at quiet: Although Nathan had told him from God that his ſinne was forgiven, yet his conſcience ſtill troubled him: Againſt thee onelyonly have I ſinned, Pſal. 51.4.and done this evil in thy ſight, ſaith he. I grant the conſciences of Gods children are troubled at the apprehenſion of Gods anger; but then it is his fatherly anger, not the anger of an enemy. Though for a fit they may ſeem to apprehend th… too, yet moſtly it is for that they have provoked their loving Father to anger againſt them. A father may be angry with his child out of love; and ſo the Lord may be with his dear children. The Lord was angry with me too, ſaith Moſes, Deut. 1.37. O let not my Lord be angry, ſaith Abraham the father of the faithfull.Pſal. 80.4. O God of hosts, how long wilt thou be angry with thy people that prayeth, ſaith the Pſalmiſt. Sometimes the Lord is angry with the prayers of his people; but it is in love, becauſe he would have them pray better, and obey better, and look to their ſtanding better. Now the conſciences of Gods people are very much troubled when the Lord is thus angry with them.
2. The ſecond degree of trouble of conſcience is ſuch as is in the wicked, and yet not altogether without hope. The conſcience is troubled, but yet ſo as it conceiveth hope: God is mercifull; and, Chriſt died for poore ſinners, &c. Thus many a wicked man is troubled and affrighted in conſcience, nor for ſinne, but for the wrath of God againſt it; yet he conceiveth for the preſent that the ſinne is pardonable and may be forgiven: Christ may forgive; God may pardon. It is indeed but a poore ground of hope and comfort upon poſſibilities: but yet this lightneth the trouble in the mean time, and it may be within a while ſhaketh it quite off: Like the wicked Jews, Iſa. 57.10. who were worried and wearied moſt grievouſly; yet they ſaid not, There is no hope. There may be much horrour and diſquiet in theſe conſciences for a time: but ther… is a higher degree yet, a worſe troubled conſcience … this.
3. The third degree of a troubled conſcience is, when it is for the preſent altogether hopeleſſe; ſuch a conſcience as is ſwallowed up in deſpair: when men thinking of their manifold ſinnes, of the direfull wrath of God, of the dreadfull torments of hell for ever, their conſciences make them deſpair of all hope or poſſibilitie of avoiding this; bringing ſuch thoughts as theſe, What a deal of time have I ſpent in ſinne, wherein I might have made my peace with God, and have prevented all this? What a great and omnipotent God have I offended? What an infinite Judge have I provoked, who is able to revenge himſelf on me, and who will be my foe to eternitie? conſcience alſo bringing in thoughts of the torments and unſufferable pains to be endured in hell, and ſuch ſwallow up in deſpair without all hope for the preſent or the future. Like the wicked man which Eliphaz ſpeaketh of,Deſperatio eſt homicida animae, Aug. He believeth not that he ſhall return out of darkneſſe, Job 15.22. So theſe have no hope of eſcaping, expect to periſh as Spira; O, ſaith he, I envy Cain and Judas: I would I were in their caſes: They are damned; but I ſhall be worſe for evermore. Now though to theſe all hopes be gone for the preſent, yet ſome of theſe troubled conſciences ſcramble up again with vain hopes, and ſome do not. Cain got up again, it ſhould ſeem: but Judas did not. Thoſe that never get up again, either 1.Deſperate eſt in infernum deſcendere, Iſià. they live in intolerable horrour and vexation of ſpirit, as if they had a devil in them to put them to anguiſh, and often (being weary of their lives) do make away themſelves, and ſo leap quick into hell: or elſe 2. they runne deſperately into all abominable courſes: Their conſciences telling them there is nothing to be expected but damnation, they give themſelves deſperately to commit ſinne with greedineſſe, ſaying with them in Jeremie, There is no hope; therefore we will walk after our own deviſes, Jer. 18.12. Or elſe 3. they grow ſenſeleſſe of it. They ſee they are wrong, but they are not ſenſible of it. It may be they pray and reade and heare; but their conſciences ſecretly whiſper, All is to no purpoſe. Conſcience eateth and eateth like a worm,E…ek 24.23. and they pine away in their iniquities, as the prophet ſpeaketh. A kind of ſorrow they have, but they cannot mourn; a kind of ſad dolour, but they cannot weep: Ye ſhall not mone nor weep, but pine away in your ſinnes, ſaith the text. I confeſſe there be more preſumers in the world, who promiſe themſelves that all ſhall be well with them: but yet there be deſpairers too, and very many, whoſe conſciences are troubled with ſecret deſpair; though it may be not apparently to others.
Now the cauſes of theſe deſpairing conſciences are theſe. 1. The greatneſſe of ſinne; when the heart thinketh ſecretly thus, Certainly the Lord cannot find in his heart to forgive me. As it was with Cain: When he had lived in earthly-mindedneſſe, and then in formality, and then in diſcontent and in hatred, and then in hardneſſe of heart, the Lord rebuked him, and yet his heart was ſo hard that ſtill he went on in evil; then he murdered his brother; and laſtly he deſpaireth; My ſinnes are greater, Gen. 4.13.ſaith his conſcience, then can be forgiven. He thought God could not find in his heart to forgive him. So when men ſinne and ſinne, and the Lord doth rebuke them, and yet they do ſinne, and their conſciences do check them, and yet they go on, at laſt they come to have ſecret deſpairs in their heart, that God now will not look towards them; whereas if yet they had a mind to ſtoop to Jeſus Chriſt, they might be forgiven. 2. A ſecond cauſe of deſpairing is multitude of temptations. Indeed the godly ſhould not be ſo apt to think themſelves forſaken of God by reaſon of temptations as ſometimes they are: they ſhould rather count it joy, as James ſpeaketh, chap. 1.2. But yet many of the wicked deſpair finally by this means: Becauſe they do ſo often fall into temptations, therefore they conclude they are forſaken of God. 3. Ignorance of Gods word. When the guiltineſſe of ſinne meeteth with minds not inſtructed in the doctrine of free grace and reconciliation by Chriſt; this is a cauſe of deſpair. 4. So alſo inured cuſtome of ſinning is another cauſe. When men are often quickned, and grow dead again; then quickned again for a fit, and then hardned again: in the end they fall to deſpair. Theſe and the like are the cauſes of deſpairing conſciences. And thus I have ſhewed alſo the ſecond thing propounded to be handled, namely, the ſundry degrees of troubled conſciences.
III. The third thing is the difference between the troubled conſcience in the godly and in the wicked. The conſciences of Gods children may be troubled, and are many times; and the conſciences of the wicked they are troubled too: now the queſtion is, How do they differ? I anſwer,
1. That trouble in the conſcience of wicked men is accompanied with impenitency, and ſometimes with blaſphemy: I would I were able to reſist God, ſaith Francis Spira: like thoſe in the Revelation who blaſphemed God becauſe of their torments. Sometimes it is accompanied with curſings, as Iſai 8.21. ſometimes with infinite murmuring. But in Gods children it is not ſo: When their conſcience is troubled, they juſtifie God, and clear God, and give him the glory of all, and ſubmit under his hand, and ſubdue their hearts unto him: as David in his trouble did not fret and murmure againſt God, but ſaith he,2. Sam. 15.26. If God have no pleaſure in me, lo, here I am: let him do with me what ſeemeth him good. So that the trouble of conſcience in the children of God and in the wicked doth much differ in this firſt reſpect.
2. The trouble of conſcience in the wicked ariſeth onelyonly from the apprehenſion of Gods wrath and fear of judgement for ſinne, not for the ſinne it ſelf and from the love of holineſſe: But that in Gods children ariſeth chiefly for ſinne, and the want of the apprehenſion of Gods love unto them: How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? Pſal. 13.1. Mark whence the trouble of the Pſalmiſt came: This was his trouble, that God did hide his face.
3. Trouble of conſcience in the wicked never maketh them part with ſinne, never breedeth a hatred of ſinne in them; but that in Gods children doth. True it is that a wicked mans troubled conſcience may make him vomit up his ſinne, like a dog that vomiteth up his troubleſome meat: but he doth not vomit up his ſtomach to that meat; for when the trouble is over he returneth to his vomit again. So a carnall man returneth to his deadneſſe of heart again, and to his ſecuritie again, when the trouble is over. Pharaoh, whileſt his conſcience was troubled at the ſenſe of Gods judgements, O then ſaith he, I have ſinned: I pray, Moſes, let me have your prayers; and I will let you go. If the children of Iſrael could have packed up and departed while this trouble had laſted, they might have been gone.Exod. 8.15. But when he ſaw there was reſpite, he hardned his heart again. Mark; His trouble of conſcience did not make him part with his ſinne: But that in Gods children doth.
4. That in the wicked driveth them from God: They have little heart to come unto him: They ſee nothing but wrath; and they rather go about to ſeek eaſe in other things then to ſeek his favour: as Saul ſought eaſe in muſick, and Cain in building caſtles and cities, and Judas in a deſperate courſe. Their trouble fetcheth them not to God. But the trouble in Gods children worketh otherwiſe: In the midſt of trouble of conſcience they reſt upon God: as Heman crieth, O Lord God of my ſalvation, Pſal. 88.1.in the midſt of the troubles of his ſoul. The eyes of Gods children are ſtill towards heaven; they think ſtill they ſhould have ſome help from God: They pray and cry, and though God ſeemeth to neglect them, yet they cannot give over: They will not be beaten off from waiting on God when he will ſpeak comfort to them.
5. That trouble that is in the wicked maketh their heart ſullen; but that in the godly melteth their heart: My ſoul is like melting wax, ſaith David in his troubles of conſcience. His ſoul melted before God, and was even poured out before him, Pſal. 22.13. This is a kindly working. Thus ye ſee the difference.