The Holy State, Book 5 · Chapter 2
JOAN the first of that Name Queen of Naples which for her Incontinency and other wicked Practises was put to Death. Anno 1381. Page 360. WM sculp:
CHAP. 2. The life of JOAN Queen of Naples.
JOan, grandchild to Robert King of Naples by Charles his sonne, succeeded her grandfather in the Kingdome of Naples and Sicily, Anno 1343. a woman of a beautifull body and rare endowments of nature, had not the heat of her lust soured all the rest of her perfections, whose wicked life *Taken out of Brovius An. Eccle. an. 1344. Petrarch. lib. 5. Episi. & Summontius H. si. Neopol. lib. 3.and wofull death we now come to relate: And I hope none can justly lay it to my charge, if the foulnesse of her actions stain through the cleanest language I can wrap them in.
She was first married unto her cosen Andrew, a Prince of royall extraction, and of a sweet and loving disposition. But he being not able to satisfie her wantonnesse, she kept company with lewd persons, at first privately, but afterwards she presented her badnesse visible to every eye, so that none need look through the chinks where the doores were open.
Now Elizabeth Queen of Hungary, her husband Andrews mother, was much offended at the badnesse of her daughter-in-law, whose deeds were so foul she could not look on them, and so common she could not look besides them; wherefore in a matronly way she fairly advised her to reform her courses. For the lives of Princes are more read then their Laws, and generally more practised: Yea their example passeth as current as their coin, and what they do they seem to command to be done. Cracks in glasse though past mending are no great matter; but the least flaw in a diamond is considerable: Yea her personall fault was a nationall injury, which might derive and put the Sceptre into a wrong hand.
These her mild instructions she sharpned with severe threatnings: But no razor will cut a stony heart. Queen Joan imputed it to ages envy, old people perswading youth to leave those pleasures, which have left themselves. Besides, a Mother-in-laws Sermon seldome takes well with an audience of Daughter-in-laws. Wherefore the old Queen finding the other past grace (that is never likely to come to it) resolved no longer to punish anothers sinne on her self, and vex her own righteous soul, but leaving Naples return'd into Hungary.
After her departure Queen Joan grew weary of her husband Andrew, complaining of his insufficiency, though those who have caninum appetitum are not competent judges what is sufficient food: And she caused her husband in the city of Aversa to be hung upon a beam and strangled in the night time, and then threw out his corps into a garden, where it lay some dayes unburied.
There goes a *Collenusius, l. 5. Regn. Neop.story that this Andrew on a day coming into the Queens chamber, and finding her twisting a thick string of silk and silver, demanded of her for what purpose she made it: She answered, To hang you in it, which he then little believed, the rather because those who intend such mischief never speak of it before. But such blows in jest-earnest are most dangerous, which one can neither receive in love, nor refuse in anger.
Indeed she sought in vain to colour the businesse, and to divert the suspicion of the murther from her self, because all the world saw that she inflicted no punishment on the actours of it which were in her power. And in such a case, when a murther is generally known, the sword of the Magistrate cannot stand neuter, but doth justify what it doth not punish.
Besides, his corps was not cold before she was hot in a new love, and married Lewis Prince of Tarentum, one of the beautifullest men in the world. But it was hard for her to please her love and her lust in the same person. This Prince wasted the state of his body to pay her the conjugall debt, which she extorted beyond all modesty or reason, so unquenchable was the wildfire of her wantonnesse.
After his death (she hating widowhood as much as Nature doth vacuum) maried James King of Majorca, and commonly styled Prince of Calabria. Some say he dyed of a naturall death: Others, that she beheaded him for lying with another woman (who would suffer none to be dishonest but her self) Others, that he was unjustly put to death, and forced to change worlds, that she might change husbands.
Her fourth husband was Otho of Brunswick, who came a Commander out of Germany, with a company of souldiers, and performed excellent service in Italy. A good souldier he was, and it was not the least part of his valour to adventure on so skittish a beast: But he hoped to feast his hungry fortune on this reversion. By all foure husbands she had no children; either because the drougth of her wantonnesse parched the fruit of her wombe; or else because provident Nature prevented a generation of Monsters from her.
By this time her sinnes were almost hoarse with crying to heaven for revenge. They mistake who think divine Justice sleepeth when it winks for a while at Offenders. Hitherto she had kept herself in a whole skin by the rents which were in the Church of Rome. For there being a long time a Schisme betwixt two Popes, Urban, and Clement, she so poysed herself between them both, that she escaped unpunished. This is that Queen Joan that gave Avignon in France (yet under a pretence of sale) to Pope Urban and his Successours: the stomach of his Holinesse not being so squeamish, but that he would take a good almes from dirty hands. It may make the chastity of Rome suspicious with the world that she hath had so good fortune to be a gainer by Harlots.
But see now how Charles Prince of Dyrachium, being next of kin to Prince Andrew that was murdered, comes out of Hungary with an army into Naples to revenge his uncles bloud. He was received without resistance of any, his very name being a Petrard to make all the city-gates fly open where he came. Out issues Otho the Queens husband with an army of men out of Naples, and most stoutly bids him battel, but is overthrown; yet was he suffered fairly to depart the kingdome, dismiss'd with this commendation, That never a more valiant Knight fought in defence of a more vitious Lady.
Queen Joan finding it now in vain to bend her fist, fell to bowing of her knees, and having an excellent command of all her passions save her lust, fell down flat before Charles the Conquerour, and submitted her self: Hitherto, said she, I have esteemed thee in place of a sonne, but seeing God will have it so, hereafter I shall acknowledge thee for my Lord. Charles knew well that Necessity, her Secretary, endited her speech for her, which came little from her heart; yet, to shew that he had as plentifull an Exchequer of good language, promis'd her fairly for the present: But mercy it self would be asham'd to pity so notorious a malefactour. After some moneths imprisonment she was carried to the place where her husband was murder'd, and there accordingly hang'd, and cast out of the window into the garden, whose corps at last was buried in the Nunnery of S. Clare.