The Holy State, Book 3 · Chapter 22
CHAP. 22. Of Marriage.
SOme men have too much decried Marriage, as if she the mother were scarce worthy to wait on Virginity her daughter, and as if it were an advancement for Marriage to be preferr'd before fornication, and praise enough for her to be adjudged lawfull. Give this holy estate her due, and then we shall find,
Maxime 1Though batchelours be the strongest stakes, married men are the best binders in the hedge of the Commonwealth. 'Tis the Policy of the Londoners when they send a ship into the Levant or Mediterranean sea, to make every marriner therein a merchant, each seaman adventuring somewhat of his own, which will make him more wary to avoid, and more valiant to undergo dangers. Thus married men, especially if having posterity, are the deeper sharers in that state wherein they live, which engageth their affections to the greater loyalty.
2It is the worst clandestine marriage when God is not invited to it. Wherefore beforehand beg his gratious assistance. Marriage shall prove no lottery to thee, when the hand of providence chuseth for thee, who, if drawing a blank, can turn it into a prize by sanctifying a bad wife unto thee.
Deceive not thy self by overexpecting happinesse in the married estate. 3Look not therein for contentment greater then God will give, or a creature in this world can receive, namely to be free from all inconveniences. Marriage is not like the hill Olympus, foreign, wholly clear, without clouds; yea expect both wind and storms sometimes, which when blown over, the aire is the clearer, and wholsomer for it. Make account of certain cares and troubles which will attend thee. Remember the nightingales which sing onelyonly some moneths in the spring, but commonly are silent when they have hatch'd their egges, as if their mirth were turned into care for their young ones. Yet all the molestations of Marriage are abundantly recompenced with other comforts which God bestoweth on them, who make a wise choice of a wife, and observe the following rules.
Let Grace and Goodnesse be the principall loadstone of thy affections. 4For love which hath ends will have an end, whereas that which is founded in true virtue will alwayes continue. Some hold it unhappy to be married with a diamond ring, perchance (if there be so much reason in their folly) because the diamond hinders the roundnesse of the ring, ending the infinitenesse thereof, and seems to presage some termination in their love, which ought ever to endure, and so it will, when it is founded in religion.
Neither chuse all, 5nor not at all for Beauty. A cried-up Beauty makes more for her own praise then her husbands profit. They tell us of a floting Iland in Scotland: but sure no wise pilot will cast anchor there, lest the land swimme away with his ship. So are they served (and justly enough) who onelyonly fasten their love on fading Beauty, and both fail together.
6Let there be no great disproportion in age. They that marry ancient people merely in expectation to bury them, hang themselves in hope that one will come and cut the halter. Nor is Gods ordinance but mans abusing thereof taxed in this homely expression, used by the Apostle himself. If Virginity enforced above the parties power be *foreign, 1. Cor. 7.35.termed by S. Paul 1. Cor. 7.35. a snare or halter, marriage is no better when against ones will, for private respects.
7Let wealth in its due distance be regarded. There be two towns in the land of Liege called Bovins and Dinant, the inhabitants whereof bear almost an incredible hatred one to another, and yet notwithstanding their children usually marry together; and the *Phil. Com. lib. 2. cap. 1.reason is, because there is none other good town, or wealthy place near them. Thus parents for a little pelf often marry their children to those whose persons they hate; and thus union betwixt families is not made, but the breach rather widened the more.
This shall serve for a Conclusion. A Batchelour was saying, Next to no wife, a good wife is best. Nay, said a Gentlewoman, next to a good wife, no wife is the best. I wish to all married people the outward happinesse which *Thuan. de obit. vir doct. in eod. Anno. pag. 385.Anno 1605 happened to a couple in the city of Delph in Holland, living most lovingly together seventy five years in wedlock, till the man being one hundred and three, the woman ninety nine years of age, died within three houres each of other, and were buried in the same grave.