The History of the Worthies of England, Part 2 · County 14 · Section 5 – Section 6
Proverbs.
Essex Miles.]
These are cryed up for very long, understand it Comparatively to those in the Neighbouring County of Middlesex, otherwise the Northern Parts will give Essex odds, and measure Miles therewith. The truth is this, good way, and a good horse, shorten Miles, and the want of either, (but both especially) prolong them in any Country whatsoever.
Essex Stiles.]
See the Proverbs in Suffolk.]
Essex Calves.]
A *Festus lib. 9. see Mercators Atlas p. 298.learned Authour telleth us that Italy was so called, quasi vitalae, because the best Calves were bred therein. Sure this will be condemned as a far fetched and forced Deduction; but if true, Essex may better pretend to the Name of Italy, producing Calves of the fattest, fairest and finest flesh in England, (and consequently in all Europe,) and let the Butchers in Eastcheap be appealed unto as the most Competent Judges therein. Sure it is a Cumberland-cow may be bought for the Price of an Essex-calfe, in the beginning of the Year. Let me adde that it argueth the goodness of Flesh in this County, and that great gain was got formerly by the Sale thereof, because that so many stately monuments were erected antiently therein for Butchers, (inscribed Carnifices in their Epitaphs) in Cogshall, Chelmsford, Church and elsewhere, made of Marble, inlaid with Brass, (befitting, saith my *Weavers Fun. Mon. p. 641.Author a more eminent man,) whereby it appears, that these of that trade have in this County been richer, (or at least prouder) then in other places.
The Weavers Beef of Colchester.]
These are Sprats caught hereabouts, and brought hither in incredible abundance, whereon the poor Weavers (numerous in this City) make much of their repast, Cutting Rands, Rumps, Surloyns, Chines, and all Joynts of Beef out of them, as lasting in season well nigh a quarter of a year. They are the Minums of the Sea, and their cheapness is the worst thing, (well considered the best) which can be said of them. Were they as dear, they would be as toothsome (being altogether as wholesome) as Anchovies, for then their price would give a high gust unto them in the judgement of Pallat Men. True it is, that within these last sixteen years, better Men then Weavers have been glad of worse meat then Sprats, (and thankfull to God if they could get it) in the City of Colchester.
Jeering *Alias Cogshall.Coxhall.]
How much truth herein, I am as unable to tell, as loth to believe. Sure I am, that no Town in England of its bigness, afforded more Martyrs in the raign of Queen Mary, who did not jeer or jeast with the fire, but seriously suffered themselves to be sacrificed, for the testimony of a good Conscience. If since they have acquired a jeering quality, it is time to leave it, seeing it is better to stand in pain, till our legs be weary, then sit with ease in the chair of the scorners.
He may fetch a flitch of Bacon from Dunmoe.]
This proverb dependeth on a custome practiced in the Priory of Dunmow, which was founded saith *In his Catal. of Religious houses in Essex.Speed, by Juga, a noble Lady, Anno IIII. for black Nuns. But it seems, afterwards the property thereof was altered into a Male-Monastery, the mortified men wherein were mirthfull sometimes, as hereby may appear.
Any person, from any part of England, coming hither, and humbly kneeling on two stones at the Church-door, (which are yet to be seen,) before the Prior or Convent, might demand at his own pleasure a Gammon or Flitch of Bacon, upon the solemn taking of the ensuing oath,
You shall swear by the custome of our confession,
That you never made any nuptiall transgression,
Since you were married man and wife,
By houshold brawles, or contentious strife;
Or otherwise in bed or at bord,
Offended each other in deed or word:
Or since the Parish-Clerk said Amen,
Wished your selves unmarried agen;
Or in a twelve-monethmonth and a day,
Repented not in thought any way;
But continued true and in desire,
As when you joyn'd hands in holy Quire.
If to these conditions without all fear,
Of your own accord you will freely swear;
A Gammon of Bacon you shall receive,
And bear it hence with love and good leave.
For this is our custome at Dunmow well known,
Though the sport be ours, the Bacons your own.
It appeareth in an old *Now in the possession of the Earl of Warwick.book on record, that Richard Wright of Badesnorth in Norfolk, in the twentieth third of Henry the sixth, when John Canon was Prior; that Stephen Samuel of Little-Easton in Essex, the seventh of Edward the fourth, when Roger Rullcot was Prior; and that Thomas Lee of Coxhall in Essex, the second of Henry the eight, when John Taylor was Prior, demanded their Bacon on the premisses, and receiv'd it accordingly.
Princes.
HENRY FITZ-ROY naturall son to King Henry the eight. Here we confess our Trespass against our own Rules, who confined our selves to the Legitimate Issue of Kings; presuming that the worth of this Henry will make amends for our breach of order herein. He was begotten on the Body of the Lady Talbois, and born at *J … …. … 703.Blackmore-Mannor in this County, Anno 1519. being afterwards Created Earl of No…tingham, and Duke of Richmond. He confuted their Etymology who deduced Bastard from the Dutch words boes and art, *….that is an abject Nature, and verifyed their deduction deriving it from *Kilianus.besteaerd, that is the best disposition: Such was his forwardness in all Martiall Activities, with his knowledge in all Arts and Sciences; Learned Leland dedicating a book unto him. He married Mary daughter to Thomas Duke of Norfolk, and dying Anno 1536. (in the seventeenth year of his age,) was buried at Framlingham in Suffolk with great lamentation.