Good Thoughts in Bad Times, Part 4
MIXT Contemplations.
I.
WHen I look on a Leaden Bullet, therein I can read both Gods Mercy, and Mans Malice. Gods Mercy, whose Providence foreseeing, that men, of Lead, would make Instruments of Cruelty, didst give that mettall a Medicinall Vertue; As it hurts, so it also heals; and a Bullet sent in by mans Hatred into a fleshly and no Vitall Part, will (with ordinary Care and Curing) out of a naturall Charity, work it's own way out. But Oh! how devillish were those men, who, to frustrate and defeat his Goodnesse, and to Countermand the healing power of Lead, first found the Champing and Impoysoning of Bullets. Fools, who accompt themselves honoured with the shamefull Title of being the Inventors of Evill *Rom. 1.30.Things, indeavouring to Out-infinite Gods Kindnesse, with their Cruelty.
II.
I Have heard some Men (rather causelessely Captious, then judiciously Criticall) cavil at Grammarians, for calling some Conjunctions, Disjunctive, as if this were a flat Contradiction. Whereas, indeed, the same Particle may conjoyn words, and yet disjoyn the sence. But alas, how sad is the present condition of Christians, who have a Communion, disuniting. The Lords Supper, ordained by our Saviour to conjoyn our Affections, hath disjoyned our Judgements. Yea, it is to be feared, lest our long quarrels about the manner of his Presence, cause the matter of his Absence, for our want of Charity to receive him.
III.
I Have observed, that Children, when they first put on new Shooes, are very curious to keep them clean. Scarce will they set their foot on the Ground, for fear to dirty the Soles of their Shooes. Yea, rather they will wipe the Leather clean with their Coats; and yet perchance the next day, they will trample with the same Shooes in the Mire up to the Anckles. Alas, Childrens play is our Earnest. On that day wherein we receive the Sacrament, we are often over-precize, scrupling to say, or do, those things which lawfully we may. But we, who are more then Curious that day, are not so much as Carefull the next. And too often, (what shall I say) go on in sinne, up to the Anckles, yea, our sins go *Psal. 28.4.over our Heads.
IV.
I Know some Men very desirous to see the Devill, because they conceive such an Apparition would be a Confirmation of their Faith. For then, by the Logick of Opposites, they will conclude, There is a God, because there is a Devill. Thus they will not believe there is a Heaven, except Hell it self be deposed for a Witnesse thereof. Surely such mens Wishes are vain, and Hearts are wicked: For if they will not believe, having Moses, and the Prophets, and the Apostles, they will not believe, no, if the Devill from Hell appears unto them. Such Apparitions, were never ordained by God, as the means of Faith. Besides, Satan will never shew Himself, but to his own advantage. If, as A Devill, to fright them, If as an Angell of light, to flatter them, how ever to hurt them. For my part I never desire to see him. And O! (if it were possible) that I might never feel him in his motions, and Temptations: I say, let me never see him, till the day of Judgement, where he shall stand Arreigned at the Barre, and Gods Majesty sit Judge on the Bench, ready to condemn him.
V.
I Observe, that Antiquaries, such as prize Skill above Profit, (as being rather Curious, then Covetous) do preferre the Brasse Coyns of the Roman Emperours, before those in Gold and Silver, Because there is much falsenesse and forgery daily detected, (and more suspected) in Gold and Silver Meddals, as being commonly cast and Counterfeited; Whereas Brasse Coyns, are presumed upon, as true and antient, because it will not quit cost for any to Counterfeit them. Plain dealing. Lord, what I want in Wealth may I have in sincerity. I care not how mean Mettall my Estate be of, if my Soul have the true Stamp, really impressed with the unfeigned Image of the King of Heaven.
VI.
LOoking on the Chappell of King Henry the seventh, in Westminster, (God grant I may once again see it, with the Saint, who belongs to it, Our Soveraign, there in a wel conditioned Peace) I say looking on the outside of the Chappell, I have much admired the Curious Workmanship thereof. It added to the Wonder, that it is so shaddowed with mean Houses, well nigh on all sides, that one may almost touch it, as soon as see it. Such a Structure needed no Bace Buildings about it, as foiles to set it off. Rather this Chappell may passe for the Embleme of a great Worth, living in a private way. How is he pleased with his own Obscurity, whil'st others, of lesse desert, make greater Shew. And whil'st Proud People stretch out their Plumes in O…tentation, he useth their Vanity for his Shelter; more pleased to have worth, then to h…ve others take Notice of it.
VII.
THe Mariners at Sea count it the sweetest perfume, when the Water in the Keel of their Ship doth stinke. For hence they conclude, that it is but little, and long since I ak't in. But it is wofull with them, when the Water is felt before it is smelt, as fresh flowing in upon them, in abundance. It is the best savour in a Christian Soul, when his Sinnes are loathsome and offensive unto him. An happy Token that there hath not been of late in him any insensible supply of hainous offences, because his Stale Sinnes, are still his new and daily Sorrow.
VIII.
I Have sometimes considered in what a Troublesome Case is that Chamberlain, in an Inne, who being but one, is to give Attendance to many Guests. For suppose them all in one Chamber, yet if one shall Command him to come to the Window, and the other to the Table, and another to the Bed, and another to the Chimney, and another to come up Stairs, and another to go down Stairs, and all in the same instant, how would he be distracted to please them all. And yet such is the sad Condition of my soul, by Nature; Not onelyonly a Servant but a Slave unto Sin. Pride calls me to the Window, Gluttony to the Table, Wantonnesse to the Bed, Lazinesse, to the Chimney, Ambition Commands me to go up Stairs, and Covetousnesse to come down. Vices I see, are as well Contrary to themselves, as to Vertue. Free me, Lord, from this distracted Case, fetch me from being Sinnes Servant to be thine, whose Service is perfect freedom, for thou art but One and Ever the same; and alwayes enjoynes Commands agreeable to themselves, thy Glory, and my Good.
IX.
I Have observed, that Towns, which have been casually Burnt, have been Built again more beautifull then before: Mud-walls, afterwards made of Stone; and Roofs, formerly but thatch't, after advanced to be tiled. The *1 Pet. 4.12.Apostle tels me, that I must not think strange concerning the fiery Triall which is to happen unto me. May I likewise prove improved by it. Let my renewed Soul, which Grows out of the Ashes of the Old man, be a more firm fabrick, and stronger, structure: So shall affliction be my Advantage.
X.
OUr Saviour saith, *Matt. 6 3.when thou doest Almes, let not thy left hand know, what thy right hand doth. Yet one may Generally observe, that Almeshouses are Commonly built by High-way-sides, the ready road to Ostentation. How ever, farre be it from me, to make bad Comments on their Bounty: I rather interpret it, that they place those houses so publikely, thereby not to gain applause, but Immitation. Yea, let those, who will plant pious works, have the liberty to choose their own Ground. Especially in this Age, wherein we are likely, neither in by wayes or High-wayes to have any works of mercy, till the whole Kingdom be speedily turned into one great Hospitall, and Gods Charity onelyonly able to relieve us.
XI.
HOw wrangling and litigious were we in the time of Peace? how many Actions were created of nothing, Suits we had Commenced, about a mouthfull of Grasse, or a handfull of Hey. Now he, who formerly would sue his Neighbour, for Pedibus Ambulando, can behold his whole Feild lying waste, and must be content. We see our goods taken from us, and dare say nothing, not so much as seeking any legall Redresse, because Certain not to find it. May we be restored in due Time to our former Properties, but not to our former Peevishnesse. And when Law, shall be again awaked (or rather revived) let us expresse our Thanks to God, for so great a Gift by using it not wantonly, (as formerly in vexing our Neighbours about trifles) but soberly to right our selves in matters of moment.
XII.
ALmost twenty yeers since I heard a profane Jest, and still remember it. How many Pious Passages, of farre later date, have I forgotten? It seems my Soul is like a filthy Pond, wherein Fish dye soon, and Froggs live long. Lord, raze this profane Jest out of my Memory. Leave not a Letter thereof behind, lest my Corruption (an apt Scholler) guesse it out again, and be pleased to write some pious Meditation in the place thereof. And grant, Lord, that for the time to come, (because such bad Guests are easier kept out, then cast out) that I may be carefull, not to admit, what I find so difficult to expell.
XIII.
I Perceive there is in the world a good Nature, falsely so called, as being nothing else, but a facill and flexible Disposition, wax for every impression. What others are so bold to beg, they are so bashfull as not to deny. Such Osiers, can never make Beams to bear Stresse, in Church and State. If this be good Nature, let me alwayes be a Clown. If this be good Fellowship, let me alwayes be a Churle. Give me to set a Sturdy Porter before my Soul, who may not equally open to every Commer. I cannot conceive, how he can be a Friend to any, who is a friend to all, and the worst Foe to himself.
XIV.
HA, is the Interjection of Laughter. Ah, is an Interjection of Sorrow. The difference betwixt them very small, as consisting onelyonly in the Transposition of what is no Substantiall Letter, but a bare Aspiration. How quickly in the Age of a Minute, in the very turning of a Breath, is our Mirth chang'd into Mourning.
XV.
I Have a great friend, whom I endeavour and desire to please, but hitherto all in vain: The more I seek, the further off I am, from finding his favour. Whence comes this miscarriage? Are not my Applications to man, more frequent then my Addresses to my Maker? Do I not love his Smiles, more then I fear Heavens Frowns? I confesse, to my Shame, that sometimes his Anger hath grieved me more then my Sinnes. Hereafter, by thy Assistance, I will labour to approve my wayes in Gods presence; So shall I either have, or not need his friendship, and either please him with more ease, or displease him▪ with lesse danger.
XVI.
THis Nation is scourged with a wasting Warre. Our Sinnes were ripe; God could no longer be Just, if we were Prosperous. Blessed be his Name, that I have suffered my Share in the Calamities of my Countrey. Had I poised my self so politickly betwixt both Parties, that I had suffered from neither, yet could I have took no Contentment in my safe escaping. For why should I, equally ingaged with others in Sinning, be exempted above them from the punishment. And seeing the bitter Cup, which my brethren have pledg'd, to passe by me, I should fear it would be fill'd again, and returned double, for me to drink it. Yea, I should suspect, that I were reserved alone, for a greater Shame and Sorrow. It is therefore some comfort that I draw in the same Yoak with my Neighbours, & with them joyntly bear the Burthen which our Sins joyntly brought upon us.
XVII.
WHen, in my privat Prayers, I have been to confesse my bosome Sins unto God, I have been loath to speak them aloud. Fearing (though no men could) yet that the Devill would overhear me, and make use of my words against me. It being Probable, that when I have discovered the weakest Part of my Soul, he would assault me there. Yet, since I have considered, that therein I shall tell Satan no News, which he knew not before. Surely I have not managed my Secret Sinnes with such privacy, but that he, from some Circumstances, collected what they were. Though the fire was within, he saw some smoake without. Wherefore, for the future, I am resolved, to Acknowledge my darling faults, though alone, yet aloud; That the Devill who rejoyced in, partly, knowing of my Sins, may be grieved more by hearing the Expression of my Sorrow. As for any advantage he may make from my Confession, this Comforts me▪ Gods Goodnesse in Assisting me, will be above Satans Malice in Assaulting me.
XVIII.
IN the mid'st of my Morning Prayers, I had a good Meditation, which since I have forgotten. Thus much I remember of it, that it was pious in it self, but not proper for that time. For it took much from my Devotion, and added nothing to my Instruction, and my soul, not able to intend two things at once, abated of it's fervency in Praying. Thus snatching at two. Imployments, I held neither well. Sure this Meditation came not from him, who is the God of Order. He useth to fasten all his Nailes, and not to drive out one with another. If the same Meditation return again, when I have leisure, and room to receive it, I will say it is of his sending, who so mustereth, and marshalleth all good Actions, that like the Souldiers in his Army, mentioned in the *Ioel 2.8.Prophet. They shall not thrust one another, they shall walk every one in his own Path.
XIX.
WHen I go speedily in any Action. Lord give me to call my soul to an account. It is a shrewd Suspition, that my Bowle runnes down-hill, because it runnes so fast. And Lord, when I go in an unlawfull way, start some Rubbs to stop me, let my Foot slip or stumble. And give me the Grace to understand the Language of the Lets thou throwest in my way. Thou hast promised, *Hosea. 2.6.I will hedge up thy way. Lord be pleased to make the hedge high enough, and thick enough, that if I be so mad, as to adventure to climbe over it, I may not onelyonly soundly rake my cloaths, but rend my Flesh: yea, let me rather be caught, and stick in the Hedge, then breaking in thorow it, fall on the other side into the deep Ditch of eternall Damnation.
XX.
COming hastily into a Chamber, I had almost thrown down a Christall Hour-Glasse: Fear, lest I had, made me grieve, as if I had broken it: But, alas, how much pretious Time have I cast away, without any Regret. The Hour-Glasse was but Christall, each Hour a Pearl; that but like to be broken, this lost outright; That but casually, this done wilfully. A better Hour-Glasse might be bought: But Time lost once, lost ever. Thus we grieve more, for Toyes then for Treasure. Lord, give me an Hour-Glasse, not to be by me, but to be in me. Teach me to Number my *Psal. 90.12.dayes. An Hour-Glasse, to turn Me, That I may apply my heart unto Wisdom.
XXI.
WHen a Child, I loved to look on the Pictures in the Book of Martyrs. I thought that there the Martyres at the Stake, seemed like the three Children in the fiery *Dan. 3.27.Fournace, Ever since I had known them there, not one hair more of their Head was burnt, nor any smell of the fire singeing of their Cloaths. This made me think Martyrdom was nothing. But O, though the Lion be painted fiercer then he is, the fire is farre fiercer then it is painted. Thus it is easie for one to endure an affliction, as hee limnes it out in his own fancie, and represents it to himself but in a bare Speculation. But when it is brought indeed, and laied home to us, there must be the Man, yea, there must be more then the Man, yea, there must be God to assist the Man to undergo it.
XXII.
TRavelling on the Plain, (which notwithstanding hath its Risings and Fallings) I discovered Salisbury Steeple many miles off: Coming to a declivity, I lost the sight thereof: But climbing up the next Hill, the Steeple grew out of the Ground again. Yea, I often found it, and lost it, till at last, I came safely to it, and took my lodging neer it. It fareth thus with us, whilst we are way-fairing to heaven, mounted on the *Deut. 34.1.Pisgat Top of some good Meditation, we get a glimps of our Celestiall Canaan. But when, either on the Flat of an Ordinary Temper, or in the Fall of an Extraordinary Temptation, we lose the view thereof. Thus, in the sight of our Soul, Heaven is discovered, covered & recovered, till, though late, at last, though slowly, surely, we arrive at the Haven of our Happinesse.
XXIII.
Lord,
I Find my self in the Latitude of a Feaver. I am neither well, nor ill. Not so well, that I have any mind to be merry with my Friends, nor so ill that my Friends have any cause to Condole with me. I am a Probationer in point of my health. As I shall behave my self, so I may be either expelled out of it, or admitted into it. Lord, let my distemper stop here, & go on further. Shoot not thy Murthering Pieces against that Clay-Castle, which surrendreth it self at thy first Summons. O spare me a little! that I may recover my strength. I begge not to be forgiven, but to be forborn my Debt to Nature. And I onelyonly do crave time, for a while, till I be better fitted, and furnished to pay it.
XXIV.
IT seemed strange to me when I was told, That Aqua-vitae (which restores life to others) should it self be made of the droppings of Dead Beer. And that Strong-waters should be extracted out of the Dreggs (almost) of small Beer. Surely many other excellent Ingredients, must concurre, and much Art must be used in the Distillation. Despair not then, O my Soul! No Extraction is Impossible, where the Chymist is Infinite. He that is All in all, can produce any thing, out of any thing. And he can make my Soul, which by Nature is setled on his *Zeph. 1.12.Lees, and Dead in Sinne, to be quickned by the Infusion of his Grace, and purified into a pious Disposition.
XXV.
Lord,
HOw easie is Pen and Paper-Piety for one to write Religiously. I will not say it costeth nothing, b…t it is farre cheaper to work one's Head, then ones Heart to Goodnesse. Some, perchance, may guesse me to be good by my writings, and so I shall Deceive my Reader. But if I do not desire to be good, I most of all deceive my self. I can make an hundred Meditations, sooner then subdue the least sinne in my soul. Yea, I was once in the mind, never to write more; For fear lest my writings at the last day prove Records against me. And yet why should I not write? that by Reading my own Book, the Disproportion betwixt my lines and my life, may make me blush my self, (if not into goodnesse) into lesse badnesse then I would do otherwise. That so my Writings may Condemne me, and make me to Condemne my self, that so God may be moved to acquit me.
FINIS.
End of the text · Thomas Fuller, Good Thoughts in Bad Times (1645)