The True Dignity of Pauls Elder in the Life of Owen Stockton, Floating text 1

The True Dignity of Pauls Elder in the Life of Owen Stockton · Floating text 1

p. 65His Obſervations and Experiences.

Jan. 10. 1653. In reading of Calvins Inſtitutions I met with that place in Iſa. 44. 3. Upon the reading whereof (having been the the night before under Conviction of the emptineſs and barrenneſs of my Soul, and ſome deſpondency of Spirit thereupon) I conceived ſome hope, and found my Soul lifted up towards God, to wait for and expect the ſhedding abroad of his Spirit in my Soul, ſeeing he had ſaid, he would pour it out upon the dry ground; but alas! the lively ſenſe of this was but momentany, it was ſoon gone, and my old deadneſs of heart returned upon me.

Hence I obſerve that it is of ſingular uſe both for the Eſtabliſhment of true, and diſcerning of falſe Comforts to ſee upon what p. 66grounds our Souls take in, and upon what grounds they let go their Comforts.

The letting go of our Comforts oftimes proceed from our letting go of the promiſes. When Satan can prevail to beat us off from the promiſe, he will quickly rob us of our Comfort.

I find that at ſeveral times I have been kept under doubts, and fears, and jealouſies, and yet have had no Scripture grounds for them, ſo that I perceive they proceede… from Satan darkning my heart, and keeping me in unbelief, and trouble of Spirit.

Feb. 16. My Soul being dejected becauſe after long w…iting upon God, for the fulfilling of his Covenant in giving his Spirit, and carrying on the work of Faith, and Sanctification with power, it had found no ſenſible in-comes; when I was reading the Scripture according to my uſual Cuſtom, the Lord did rebuke the deſpondency of my Spirit from thoſe words of the Prophet Iſa. 40. 27. Why ſayeſt thou O Jacob, and ſpeakeſt O Iſrael my way is hid from the Lord, and my judgment is paſſed over from my God. And did encourage my Soul ſtill to hope in God, and wait for his ſtrength from the following words. v. 28▪ 29. 31. Haſt thou not known, haſt thou not heard? (if thou haſt not known it by experience having found his everlaſting Arms under thee for thy ſupport, yet haſt thou not at leaſt heard it) that the everlaſting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends p. 67of the Earth fainteth not, neither is weary. He giveth power to the faint, &c. Continue thou therefore O my Soul, to wait upon the Lord.

Lord! what an accurſed hard heart have I! that ſin which grieves thee Gen. 6. 6. thy Son. Mar. 3. 5. thy Spirit, Eph. 4. 30. ſhould not grieve me! that ſin which wearieth thee Iſa. 43. 24. ſhould not be a burden to me! that I ſhould not be troubled for want of thy Preſence, when as the hiding of thy face made our Saviour cry out, My God, my God, why haſt thou forſaken me? That Eternity and Judgment to come ſhould make no impreſſion upon me, that I can hear, yea ſpeak of thy Word, thy wrath, &c. and yet not fear thee, not tremble at thy Word, nor at this my Condition.

Feb. 19. Being Sabbath day. Having formerly perceived a deſperate hardneſs in my heart, that that Word, which works upon others, ſhould do me no good, that no means, no mercies did melt my Soul, and almoſt deſpairing of ever having it ſoftened. After Prayer I was encouraged from the Lord in reading Mr. Hooker upon Act. 2. 37. who from thoſe words, When they heard theſe things they (who had Crucified our Lord Chriſt) were pricked at the heart, raiſeth this obſervation, It is poſſible even for the moſt ſtubborn ſinner to get a broken heart. And now O my Soul, Why art thou caſt down? Is not the Lord greater than thy heart? Can Satan be more malicious to deſtroy thee than the Lord is merciful p. 68to ſave thee? Yet the actings of my Faith hereupon are but faint.

Upon Examination of my ſelf, I have ſometimes found that to mine own ſenſe and feeling, I have been altogether void of any love or fear of God, and that I have been at ſuch a time as unable to work up my heart into the Love and fear of God, as to ſay to this Mountain, Be thou removed and caſt into the Sea. Such wonderful deadneſs hath ſeiſed upon my Soul, ſo greatly have I been enſlaved, and held captive by Satan that I have not been able truly to deſire the Spirit of God. O that my heart could bleed at the remembrance of this great evil, that I ſhould not only be cut off from Communion with God, but be contented with this condition, that I ſhould have no groanings in Spirit to be delivered from this miſerable bondage. Be inſtructed hence O my Soul to aſcribe every good motion to God, if thou feeleſt any hungrings after Jeſus Chriſt, or any ſorrow for want of Gods preſence or the like, own it as his work, and bleſs him for it.

I have ſometimes found my condition much like the man mentioned Joh. 5. who lay a long time by the pool of Betheſda, but was not able to put himſelf in, that he might be healed, even ſo it is with my Soul. Though God hath opened a Fountain for ſin and for uncleanneſs to waſh in, and I find my Soul exceedingly polluted, yet I am not able to ſtep into this Fountain that I may be healed. p. 69O my Soul, the Lord ſeeth thy weakneſs, and that thou haſt been now a long time in this caſe, wait thou on God. Who can tell but that as the Bowels of Jeſus Chriſt did yearn towards the poor man, ſo may his Compaſſions be great towards thee, and he may heal thee alſo. Ceaſe not to importune him ſaying, Jeſus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, O Lord, heal my Soul.

Having at ſeveral times found diverſe workings upon my heart as Convictions, and thereupon ſome pantings and breathings after God, but as yet nothing come to perfection, I thought of and found that I had cauſe to take up the complaint of Hezekiah in another caſe, It is a day of trouble and rebuke, the Children are come to the Birth, and there is no ſtrength to bring forth. Iſa. 37. 3. Some time after reading Iſa. 66. it ſeemed to me that that word v. 9. was ſuited to my Caſe. Shall I bring to the Birth, and not cauſe to bring forth, ſaith the Lord? Shall I cauſe to bring forth and ſhut the Womb, ſaith thy God? O my Soul wait thou on God, who will perfect his own work in thee. He hath ſaid, He will not break the bruiſed Reed, nor quench the ſmoking Flax, till he ſent forth judgment unto Victory.

I have oftimes ſeen a Law in my Members warring againſt the Law of my mind, and leading me into Captivity to the Law of ſin and death.

So powerful and mighty have been the p. 70Actings of ſome inward corruptions, that I have not been able to overcome them, but have been hurried Captive by them. Hereby I come to ſee that truth, the heart of man is deſperately wicked, who can know it? I cannot fathom the depth of iniquity which is in my heart. Hereupon I am made to cry out with St. Paul, O wretched man that I am, who ſhall deliver me from this body of Death? O Lord be not thou far from me, but make haſt to help me, Let the ſighing of the Priſoner come before thee, proclaim liberty to thy Captive, and the opening of the Priſon door to him that is bound with the Chain of ſin. Iſa. 61. 1.

Mar. 26. 1654. I find that though in my judgment and Profeſſion I acknowledge Chriſt to be my Righteouſneſs and Peace, yet upon Examination I obſerve that my heart hath done quite another thing, and that ſecretly I have gone about to Eſtabliſh my own Righteouſneſs; and have derived my Comfort and Peace from my own Actings. For when I have been diſquieted by the Actings of my ſin, that which hath recovered me to my former Peace, hath not been (that I could find) God ſpeaking Peace through the blood of Chriſt, but rather from the intermiſſion of temptation and the ceſſation of thoſe ſins; when I have been troubled at an evil frame of heart, I do not find that the Righteouſneſs of Chriſt hath been my Conſolation, but that which hath relieved me, as far as I can find, was that p. 71afterward I found my ſelf in a better temper. Having been in trouble and perplexity I have read the Scripture, gone to Prayer, and in doing theſe I have been relieved, yet I do not find that at ſuch times I had real, true, living Communion with God in ſuch duties, or that the Spirit of God did in thoſe duties reveal to me my intereſt in Chriſt, and ſo quiet my Conſcience. Hence I come to ſee what great need I have, and that it is of ſingular uſe to watch over my Soul in all its ways, both in reference to ſin, that I fall not into it, and when fallen, what the Carriage and Actings of my Soul are at ſuch a time; Whether I flee for relief to God in Chriſt, or to my own works: And in reference to my duties, to take heed leſt thoſe means which God hath appointed to be the conveyances of himſelf, his Son and Spirit, and all Spiritual bleſſings, ſhould prove to me a mean of Death and Separation from God, by my formal uſe of them and reſting in them. For as Satan keeps ſome alienated from God by the groſs pollutions of the world; So others from Chriſt by their Eſtabliſhing a Righteouſneſs of their own. O Lord, break thou this ſnare for me, and let my Soul eſcape as a bird from the Net, that I may flee to thee, and be at reſt.

I have obſerved in my ſelf, that when God at any time is pleaſed to work any thing in my Soul, I ſoon loſe it; if he quicken me, I ſoon grow dead hearted again; if he enliven my p. 72affections, they ſoon grow cold and flat, and my old hardneſs returns upon me. Hence I come to ſee that it is infinite Wiſdom, and Goodneſs in God, that he hath not put the ſtock of grace into our own hands, but hath treaſured it up in Chriſt, that our life is now hid with Chriſt in God, for ſo it becomes ſure. Rom. 4. 16. hereby alſo I come to ſee that I have need of continual recourſe to Jeſus Chriſt, for new ſupplies of grace and ſtrength.

The Lord God in his wiſdom, was pleaſed when he delivered his people out of Egypt, before he brought them to Canaan, to lead them 40 years in the wilderneſs, when as he could have led them a nearer way to Canaan, Exod. 13. 17. He choſe rather to lead them through the great and terrible Wilderneſs, Jer. 2. 6. where were fiery Serpents and Scorpions, and drought, where there was no water, where he brought them forth water out of the Rock of Flint, and fed them with Manna, for this end that he might humble them, prove them, and do them good in the latter end, Deut. 8. 15, 16. Doeſt thou find it ſo, O my Soul, in thy travail towards the Heavenly Canaan: Doeſt thou walk through much Spiritual drought, a land of deſerts, and of the ſhadow of death: Doſt meet with a flinty heart, and fiery temptations? Know that the Lord doth this to humble thee. (which through his grace thou haſt ſometimes found,) and to prove thee, i. e, to diſcover thee to p. 73thy ſelf (for he himſelf knows thy thoughts afar off) and this way of God through grace hath been a means of diſcovering much of thy corrupt heart to thee) and that he may doe thee good in the latter end. Therefore take heed O my Soul of Iſrael's ſins, of murmuring againſt God, under thy wants, of unbeleif, and tempting God, &c. Read oft and weight well the 78th Pſalm.

May 6. being Sabbath day. The Lord was pleaſed in the hearing of his word to convince me of my ſin and loſt condition. But Lord? How unfaithful was I then, and have I been ſince to the Convictions of thy Spirit! How ſoon have I healed up the wound that was given by the word? How ſoon hath an hard heart, a ſecure, careleſs Spirit taken poſſeſſion of me! Lord, If ever thy word be effectual in me, thou muſt not only ſpeak it to my heart, but write and engraff it there alſo. Henceforth I deſire to wait on thee, as for the teachings of thy Spirit, ſo for the writing of thy Law in my heart by thy Spirit. I found a lothneſs in my Spirit, to go to here this Sermon, whereby I perceive Satan would have hindred me. Be encouraged hence, O my Soul, to break through all difficulties thou meeteſt with in doing thy duty. When thou findeſt any ſecret unwillingneſs to ordinances or duties, then ſtir up thy ſelf to wait upon God, expecting that he hath ſome ſpecial mercy for thee, which Satan would hinder thee off.

p. 74Jun. 1. This day the Lord did, in the hearing of his word, revive ſome convictions which have formerly been upon my Spirit, though in a very languid manner. I ſtood convinced before the Lord of unbelief, and that I was a loſt creature becauſe thereof, from the words of our Saviour, Joh. 3. 18. He that believeth not is Condemned already. Conſcience tells me that I am yet in unbelief, that I want that faith which is accompanied with the new birth Joh. 1. 12, 13. that faith which ſhould purge me from Atheiſm, formality, and reſting in duties, from hypocriſie and deadneſs, from unclean affections, and inordinate Love of the world, from a vain mind, and a light Spirit; that faith which ſhould purifie my heart, from theſe and the like evils, Act. 15. 9. that faith which ſhould make Chriſt a greater Reality, and more precious to me than any thing in the world, 1 Pet. 2. 7. that faith which brings peace with God, and joy in the Holy Ghoſt, unſpeakable and full of Glory, Rom. 5. 1. 1 Pet. 1. 8. I find I have had a dead faith. Jam. 2. 17, 20. and preſumed upon Gods Mercy in Chriſt, although I have been eſtranged from God in my heart and Nature, my Reſting in duties, and truſting in my own Righteouſneſs as far as I can ſee, hath been the deceit of my heart.

Lord lay this conviction upon my Conſcience, for I find my heart would put it off, yea it hath already deſperately hardned it ſelf p. 75againſt thee. I fear I ſhall out-grow this Conviction of thy word, as at other times, I feel a careleſs Spirit, that would make light of Eternity, and of Jeſus Chriſt. Lord, break my heart under thy word for my unbelief, and neglect of Chriſt. Let me not heal my ſelf, but wait till thou ſhalt heal me.

Thou didſt help the unbelief of thy Servant Thomas, Oh that thou wouldeſt help mine alſo.

The Lord hath ſhewn me that I am dead in ſin not only from the teſtimony of his word, Eph. 2. 1. Col. 2. 13. but by inward experience. For I feel my ſelf alienated from the life of God, cut off from communion with the Lord Jeſus, ſeparate from God and his bleſſed Spirit. My deceitful heart hath often gone about to repel this conviction, and hath cauſed me ſometimes to miſtake, a life of morality for Spiritual life, and at other times a life of formality. But now I find the Scripture ſpeaks of dead works, and calls for repentance from them. Heb. 6. 1. and purging our conſciences from them, Heb. 9. 14. By dead works I underſtand, not only the groſs pollutions of the World, but all works whatever, that are done by a man, void of the quickning Spirit of God. Without Union to Chriſt there is no Spiritual life, for as the natural life reſults from the Union of the Soul with the body, and the State of death, is nothing but the diſunion and Separation of the Soul from the body; ſo our ſpiritual life reſults from the p. 76Souls Union with Chriſt, and ſpiritual death is our ſeparation from him. Now I feel my ſelf as a poor withered branch cut off from this Vine, unacquainted with the actings of this Spiritual life, as living by faith, Serving God in Spirit, Mortifying Sin by the Spirit, walking in the Spirit, loving God above all things, and ſeeking his Glory in all things. I have ſometimes Prayed againſt ſin, reſolving againſt it, ſtriven with it, avoided occaſions thereto (all which a natural man may do) but ſin hath returned upon me, and overcome me. How to fetch power from Chriſts death to mortifie ſin, how to believe in God for ſubduing it, how to do it by the Spirit, theſe have been myſteries to me. Lord, When ſhall the day dawn, and the Day-Star ariſe in my heart? When ſhall the Day-ſpring from on high, viſit my Soul, to give light to him that ſits in darkneſs, and in the ſhadow of death? Come Lord Jeſus thou light of life, Come quickly.

That which kept me a long time from reſolving to give up my whole heart to God in Covenant, was a fear that I ſhould break my Covenant and ſo double my ſin. But I perceive ſince that this was but Satans policy to keep my heart from God, and the true ground of my not doing this was not conſcienciouſneſs of ſin, as Satan once made me believe, but a loathneſs to part with all ſin, and to ſerve God with all my heart.

A Strong encouragement thou haſt O my p. 77Soul, to enter Covenant with God, to ſerve him with thy whole heart, from that portion of his Word, which thou didſt read this morning, May. 11. 1654. in Jer. 30. 21, 22. Who is this that engaged his heart to approach unto me ſaith the Lord? Ye ſhall be my people and I will be your God.

Since my Covenanting with God I come to ſee more fully the truth of that place, Rom. 8. 7. The carnal mind is enmity againſt God, is not ſubject to the Law of God, neither indeed can be. For I find a Loathneſs to walk cloſely with God, yea under a profeſſion of Religion, my carnal heart hath been at enmity to the power and life of it, and this enmity hath lyen hid under, and been covered with a performance of ſome duties, which have not been deſtructive to that evil principle that hath lived in me. Yea, I find my carnal heart is hungring after the fleſh-pots of Egypt, after its old delights and ſinful pleaſures, is ready to murmur againſt God in the wilderneſs and ſpeaks of returning into Egypt, and being impatient of the croſs it revolts from God many a time, and ſeeks relief and contentment from the creature.

Since my Covenanting with God I ſee more of thee treachery and hypocriſie of my heart, I found my Soul for a while more tender of Sin, and my heart ſeemingly engaged to ſerve the Lord. but I ſoon forgot the covenant that I had made, and in a ſhort ſpace I did not find p. 78that my Covenanting had any influence on my heart or life. So that I ſee I did but flatter the Lord with my mouth, and lyed unto him with my tongue, for my heart was not right with him, neither was I ſtedfaſt in his Covenant, Pſ. 78. 36, 37. My unſtedfaſtneſs in my Covenant with the Lord, did ariſe as far as I perceive from theſe two grounds, 1. My heart was not right with God when I made it, there was not that inward, cordial, full reſolution to part with all Sin, and that for ever, from an antipathy to it, and diſlike of it, neither that inward reſolution of cleaving to God, to have him my All in All, to take all my contentment and joy in him, and to ſeek it in nothing elſe, which ſhould have been. 2. I neglected my watch, and did not (as I ſhould) renew my Covenant often, and engage my heart to walk with God, and while I was ſlothful, and negligent, my heart was ſtolen away by the Devil, and the World, and is now in league again with Sin. Lord, make me upright, and clear up to me my Sincerity, Search me and try me, and let me know the bottom of my heart. Keep me upon my watch and guard, that I may keep my Covenant.

Jul. 23. The Lord did awaken my Conſience to ſuch a ſenſe of my ſin, and loſt eſtate in the reading and hearing of his Word, that when I went to Prayer, I was before him as a loſt creature, being under wrath and the p. 79ſentence of death, lying in my blood and pollution. Now whereas before I found my heart carried out in begging Sanctification, I did now cry to God for the blood of Chriſt to waſh away the guilt of my ſin, I did not before prize Juſtifying Grace ſo as now in ſome weak meaſure I was made to doe. But I ſoon found an accurſed hard heart, in a little time I did not tremble at the wrath of God. I have laboured to work theſe convictions upon my heart, but I found ſuch a roving heart, ſuch a ſlighty heart ſo poſſeſt with vanity that nothing would abide with it. Lord, unleſs thou ſaveſt me for thy mercies ſake, I periſh.

Aug. 6. being Sabbath day. In meditation on 1 Joh. 3. 23. This is his commandment that we ſhould believe on the Name of his Son Jeſus Chriſt. Conſidering with my ſelf what this did imply, viz. not only a relying upon God in Chriſt, for the remiſſion of Sin, but for the pouring out of the Spirit, Joh. 7. 38, 39. which Spirit when it is given will ſhed abroad the love of God in our hearts, Rom. 5. 5. and ſeal up the aſſurance of the remiſſion of our ſins, and witneſs our addoption, Rom. 8, 16. will mortifie ſin in us v. 13. and work all the works of God in us, and for us, all which I want, and to which I haven been a long time convinced that I am unable. And Conſidering further that this Spirit is the free gift of God, Pſ. 51. 12. given not according to our works but of free mercy for the ſake of Chriſt, Tit. p. 803. 4. 5, 6. And conſidering further that Jeſus Chriſt had received Gifts (of which the Gift of the Spirit is intended) even for the rebellious, that God might dwell among them Pſ. 68. 18. I found my heart encouraged to wait upon the Lord for the pouring forth of his Spirit upon me, that I might have my heart renewed and ſanctified, and the remiſſion of my ſins ſealed up to my Soul.

Afterwards conſidering further that the way whereby a poor ſoul that hath loſt Gods image comes to be renewed in heart and mind and made partaker of the divine nature, is by faith in the promiſes, 2 Pet. 1. 4. and obſerving how Iſaac who inherits the bleſſing was not born by the ſtrength of Nature but by promiſe, and as Iſaac was born through the promiſe, ſo are all believers, Gal. 4. 28. not of the will of man but of God, Joh. 1. 13. and that God giveth power to the faint, and ſtrength to them that have no might in a way of waiting Iſa. 40. 29, 31. I ſaw from theſe conſiderations further ground of hope and waiting upon God, notwithſtanding I find my ſtrength periſhed from me.

Neither ſhall the guilt of my Sin diſcourage me from waiting on God, from expecting of his Holy Spirit, from going to Chriſt. The whole need not a Phyſitian, Chriſt deales with Sinners, Mar. 2. 17. He hath ſaid, he will in no wiſe caſt out them that come, to him Joh. 6. 37. why did he ſhed his blood to p. 81waſh away our ſins. How is he the Lamb of God that taketh away the ſins of the world, if he ſhould caſt off guilty Souls when they come unto him? Is there not a fountain opened for ſin and for uncleanneſs to waſh in? Zach. 13. 1. What though I be in my blood, yet if I go to Chriſt, he will not loath me, Ezek. 16. 6, 8. but will ſprinkle clean water upon me and waſh me from my filthyneſs, Ezek. 36. 25. When therefore I find guilt upon me, I will look to Jeſus Chriſt in ſuch promiſes as theſe, Iſa. 1. 18.—43. 25, 26.—44. 21, 22. I will cry unto him that I may have the pardon of my ſin Sealed up to my Soul in theſe promiſes by his Holy Spirit.

Neither ſhall my rebellious heart, the perverſeneſs, and corruption of my Nature diſcourage me, but I will with David beg a new heart and a right Spirit, Pſ. 51. 10. I will ſay as Ephraim, Jer. 31. 18. Turn thou me and I ſhall be turned. God hath ſent Chriſt to bleſs us in turning us from our iniquities Act. 3. 26. and to deſtroy what Satan hath wrought in us. 1. Joh. 3. 8. therefore when I feel ſin prevail and lead me captive, I will with Paul cry out of this body of death, Rom. 7. 24. and go to God in Jeſus Chriſt, through ſuch promiſes as theſe, Mic. 7. 18, 19. Rom. 6. 14. Math. 11. 28. Iſa. 45. 22. Jer. 31. 33. Ezek. 36. 26.

When I feel my ſelf graceleſs, I will look to him who is full of grace, Joh. 1. 14. 16. and p. 82hath promiſed to give grace, Pſ. 84. 11 even an heart to love him, Deut. 30. 6. and to put his fear into us, Jer. 32. 40. and to withhold no good thing, if we endeavour to walk uprightly before him, Pſ. 84. 11.

When I find the plague of an hard dead heart upon me, I will look unto the Lord, who quickens the dead, Rom. 4. 17. and can raiſe Children to Abraham out of Stones, Math. 3. 9. I will look unto him in his Covenant, promiſing to take away the heart of Stone, and to give an heart of fleſh, Ezek. 36. 26.

In time of deſertion, when God withdraws the comfortable influences of his preſence, I will not be diſcouraged, but I will ſearch my heart, and try my ways, and ſee what cauſe I have given the Lord to depart from me, Lam. 3. 40. Joſh. 7. 11. 12, 13. Iſa. 59. 2. I will earneſtly ſeek the Lord that he would return, and ſhine upon me, and lift up the light of his countenance upon my Soul, Pſ. 80. 3.—89. 46. Hoſ. 5. 15. I will not only pray, but wait for his return, Pſ. 130. 5, 6. Iſa. 8. 17. Lam. 3. 2, 3. &c. with 26. and in waiting I will look unto the Lord in theſe, or like promiſes. Pſ. 103. 8, 9. Iſa. 54. 6, 7, 8.—57. 16, 17, 18. Lam. 3. 31, 32. Hoſ. 6. 1, 2, 3. Joh. 14. 18.

When I have neglected my watch, and fallen, and been unſtedfaſt in Covenant with God I will not deſpair but look to God in Chriſt, that he would pardon my ſin, grant me repentance, and reſtore me. The Covenant p. 83of grace admits of repentance after ſin, Levit. 26. 21. 40. 41, 42. Yea God hath exalted Chriſt to give repentance, Act. 5. 31. hath promiſed to heal back-ſlidings, Hoſ. 14. 4. invites backſliders to return, Jer. 3. 1, 12, 13, 14.

How did David behave himſelf when Iniquities prevailed over him? He goeth to God, to purge away his tranſgreſſion, Pſ. 65. 3. he maketh Supplication to God that he would not caſt him out of his preſence, Pſ. 51. 11. he confeſſeth his ſin, and God pardons him, Pſ. 32. 5. which ſhould encourage, all the Godly when they have fallen, to return to the Lord ver. 6. St. John layeth ſtrict charge upon Believers, that they ſin not, but in caſe of Sin he would not have them deſpair, 1 Joh. 2. 1, 2. Solomon prayed to this purpoſe, 1 Kings. 8. and God accepted. ch. 9, 3. When therefore thou haſt fallen, O my Soul, by thine iniquity, and God hid his face, and withdraws his gracious preſence, let thy uncircumciſed heart be humbled, accept of the puniſhment of thy ſin. Turn unto the Lord and and ſay, Take away all iniquity and receive me graciouſly, So will I praiſe thee, Lev. 26. 41. Hoſ. 14. 2. Let not thy falls cauſe thee to depart from the Living God. Though thou haſt played the harlot with many Lovers yet the Lord calleth thee to return, Jer. 3. 1. God commands us to forgive our Brother, ſeven times a day, if he return and repent, Luk. 17. 4. yea not only ſeven times, but p. 84ſeventy times ſeven, Math. 18. 21, 22. And will not God much more forgive us though we fall oft, if we return and ſeek his face, Seeing his ways are far above our ways? Iſa. 55. 7, 9.

Dec. 9. 1655. Having found much formality in my duties on the Sabbath, and ſeeing my ſelf loſt in them, I put the queſtion to my Soul, what if thou die this night? What is thy hope? How wilt thou appear before God? Righteouſneſs of thine own thou haſt none to truſt to, thou ſeeſt how thou ſinneſt every day, and how full of ſin thy beſt duties are. Upon this enquiry the good Spirit of God brought to my remembrance, 1 Cor. 1. 30. God hath made Chriſt Righteouſneſs to us, and Jer. 23. 6. This is the Name by which he ſhall be called. The Lord our Righteouſneſs, which was comfort to me, and enquiring what warrant I had to believe my ſelf to be a ſharer in this Righteouſneſs, and that I ſtand accepted of God, by vertue of this Righteouſneſs, I ſaw from, Rom. 3. 21, 22. that this Righteouſneſs is upon all that believe. Now through the Lords goodneſs, and to his Praiſe be it ſpoken, I have oftimes found my heart not only to long after pardon, and renovation, but to truſt in Chriſt and in God through him, for pardoning mercy and renewing grace, and all other good things.

Dec. 16. I found the Lord graciouſly preſent with me in my morning meditation on my p. 85Bed. And my Soul was much refreſhed with Mr. Simond's Sermon. God ſpake a ſutable word by him to my Soul from Mat. 15. 23. But he anſwered her not a word. God may ſometimes defer to give an Anſwer to a gracious and well qualified Prayer. 1. To correct our deafneſs to his voice. 2. To put us upon more earneſt ſeeking of him. 3. To exerciſe and try our graces. God proportions mercies according to his delays, they are the greater when given in. Sarah tarried long for a Son, and then had an Iſaac. So did Hanna, but then had a Samuel. So Elizabeth but then had a John, my heart rejoyced at this, hoping that God would give an high degree of brokenneſs of heart in his own due time, though at preſent my heart were hard. And I remembred how hard Mr. Bradfords heart was once as to his own ſenſe, and how eminent he was afterward for tenderneſs, as M. Fox Relates. God was very good this day. But Oh! how vile and ſinful was I! I felt a very proud vain-glorious heart both in hearing, and after Sermon was done. But the Lord chaſtiſed me for it. For at night when I Preached in the Chappel the Lord forſook me, I found no aſſiſtance of his Spirit, either in Prayer or Preaching, but was much confounded in both, having little or no ſenſe of the things I ſpake of, or prayed for.

We read of Naaman 2 King. 5. 11. that he expected a Miraculous way of cure. I p. 86thought ſaid he, he will ſurely come out and ſtand and call on the Name of the Lord his God, and ſtrike his hand over the place, and recover the Leper. So have I found my ſelf apt to expect that the Spirit of God ſhould mortifie and ſubdue ſin in me without my ſtriving againſt it. But I have learned it is the will of God, that I ſhould ſtrive againſt ſin as well as pray and wait for his Spirit. Gods working in us to will and to do, excludes not our endeavouring. Phil. 2. 12, 13. Having promiſes let us cleanſe our ſelves. 2 Cor. 7. 1.

Octob. 17. I was immoderate in the uſe of the Creatures, and though checked and reproved from within, yet I perſiſted. At night when I walked in my Chamber, conſidering what I had done, I was ſad, and ſaid to God, Lord I have Rebelled againſt thee. I had no ſooner ſaid it in my heart, but immediately that word was brought to me. Dan. 9. 9. To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgiveneſſes (he will forgive again and again) though we have Rebelled againſt him. O the wonderful goodneſs of God! be amazed, O my Soul, at this Love. Now I ſaw the promiſe (Iſa. 65. 24. before they call I will anſwer, and whilſt they are yet ſpeaking I will hear) made good to me. In the evening on my Bed conſidering on this Love of God, whence it ſhould come to paſs that the Lord ſhould deal thus graciouſly with me, it was anſwered me from Mic. 7. 18. He paſſeth by p. 87the tranſgreſſion of the remnant of his heritage becauſe he delighteth in mercy. Next morning at my firſt awaking the Spirit of God brought that Scripture into my thoughts. Pſ. 65. 3. Iniquities prevail againſt me, as for our trangreſſions thou ſhalt purge them away. It came to me with ſome life and power, and was very ſutable to my Condition. Oh the Goodneſs of God! the Riches of his Grace! that he ſhould ſo ſoon come into my relief, and raiſe my Soul by his promiſe; this is mercy never to be forgotten.

Sept. 28. In meditation I found the Lord drawing forth my heart to cloſe with Chriſt. I was convinced that God was willing to beſtow his Son upon me, becauſe he did not only invite me Iſa. 55. 1. and Command me 1 Joh. 3. 23. but even beſeech and entreat me to receive Chriſt. 2 Cor. 5. 20. I was further convinced of Gods real intention, and willingneſs to give me his Son from his patient waiting and long-ſuffering in expecting my return, even after much deafneſs to the voice of his Spirit, and dallying with his Grace, he ſtill offers his Son to me, yea he preſſeth in upon me with the renewing of good motions and affections which I have quenched. Now whence is all this but from the Love and mercy of God that he ſhould be thus willing to have me take his Son? Now who am I that I ſhould withſtand God? Why ſhould I forſake my own Mercies? Lord thou haſt ſhewn me that p. 88my former revoltings ſhall not hinder this thy mercy, if I will acknowledge my ſin, renounce my ſelf, return unto thee and embrace thy Son. Jer. 3. 12, 13. O Lord, I thankfully accept thy offer of Grace, I come unto thee, Oh give me thy Son; behold, I give thee my ſelf. Let me be Eſpouſed to the Lord Jeſus, I am willing through grace to take up my Croſs, to deny my ſelf, and to follow thee.

Nov. 1. Having ſet apart that day to ſeek the Lord, and to humble my Soul before him, I could not get my heart to be afflicted and mourn under ſin, but found much lightneſs in Prayer, the Lord hid his face, and did not come in to my poor Soul with his quickning preſence. So that I lay in a poor deſolate, forſaken condition under much confuſion, yet in the evening a little before going to bed, ſeeking the Lord again I was revived in reading Pſal. 40. eſpecially v. 17. I am poor and needy yet the Lord thinketh upon me, &c. and next morning in reading Pſal. 9. 10. 18. Thou Lord haſt not forſaken them that ſeek thee; The needy ſhall not alway be forgotten, the expectation of the poor ſhall not periſh for ever. I was thereby encouraged ſtill to wait and hope. O Lord, I have ſought thee, withhold not thou thy tender Mercies from me. How long wilt thou hide thy face from me! O when wilt thou come unto me! Make haſt to help me O my God. I am poor and needy, O p. 89let me not be forgotten for ever, let not my expectation periſh for ever, and now O Lord, what is my expectation? It is even this, the giving in of mercy and grace through the Lord Jeſus, pardoning mercy and renewing grace. It is the pouring out of thy Spirit, the taking away the heart of Stone, and giving an heart of fleſh, it is an heart to know thee, to fear thee, to love thee, and obey thee, &c.

Dec. 6. Being in trouble and diſtreſs of Spirit, becauſe the Lord hid his face, and withdrew himſelf from me, I went in the poverty of my Spirit to Trinity Lecture, and with ſome expectation to meet with God in his own Ordinance. The Lord was gracious to me, and ſpake Comfort to me from his Word. I ſee it is good to wait upon God, though he ſend the Rich empty away, yet he filleth the hungry with good things. My Soul was glad and rejoyced for a ſeaſon. But going into the Country the ſame day, among friends and variety of worldly Affairs, I loſt ſomething of the ſavour and reliſh which the good Word of God left upon me. And I found palpably my Soul reſting in thoſe Comforts which I had received, and growing ſecure and careleſs; from whence the Lord gave me this Inſtruction, That I am a poor ſilly wretch, knowing neither how to want nor how to abound, apt to murmur and repine in Straits, and to be lifted up and grow ſecure in Enlargements. O Lord! in every p. 90Condition I need thy grace to teach me how to behave my ſelf. O ſhew me thy way, and lead me therein for thy Name-ſake. Alſo the Lord taught me hence, that I ought to be patient under his hand when he hideth his Face, and to reſign up my will to his Will, inaſmuch as I do not know what is good for my ſelf. The Lord ſeeth I ſhould be worſe it may be, if I enjoyed more than I do, and therefore in wiſdom and mercy he keeps me in a low Condition.

My confuſion ſometimes hath been ſo great, that I have been ſo unſetled, and at ſuch a loſs in my Soul that I knew not what to do; all former workings have been queſtioned and judged as nothing. In the hour of ſuch temptation the Lord taught me, beſides Prayer and ſearching into my Soul, to have recourſe to former experiences. Pſal. 77. 10, 11. and Pſal. 85.

Octob. 11. In the morning I bewailed it before God, that I was ſtill at a loſs to know whether I loved him; and after Prayer I read 1 Joh. 2 ch. and I was made in a more ſpecial manner to take notice of v. 5. Whoſo keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected. Me-thought I ſaw God Anſwering my Prayer, and telling me out of this word, that I loved him. In him verily, foreign, it is a ſure ſign of Love to God, we need not doubt of it, if we keep his Word. Now if I know my own heart I deſire to do ſo. p. 91if the Love of God be perfected in him that keeps his Word, then ſurely it is begun in him that deſires and endeavours to keep his Word.

Jan. 25. The Lord helped me with Tears to bewall mine abominations, even my Original and actual ſins, my formality, Earthlineſs, alienation from him, &c. therein he did remember and fulfil that gracious promiſe Ezek. 36. 31. I found Godly ſorrow ſweet, not only in the root and fountain thereof (it being a Covenant bleſſing) but in the very Actings of it.

Feb. 2. In the Evening upon my Bed the Lord did graciouſly melt my heart in the ſight of ſin under this Conſideration, that it was againſt infinite Love. I was aſhamed, confounded and abaſhed, becauſe I had ſo long ſlighted, neglected, Rebelled againſt a God of Love. My Soul even trembled at it.

Jan. 15. 1655. Having been the day before with one under great Temptations, and hearing of another under a wounded Spirit, my heart was melted in Prayer, whilſt I was praiſing God for his long patience in the days of my ſinning, and his tenderneſs and gentleneſs towards me in my Converſion.

Jan. 16. I found my heart drawn out to a recumbence on Jeſus Chriſt. The Spirit ſaith Come. Rev. 22. 17. Chriſt ſaith, Come. Joh. 7. 37. And the Father ſaith, Come. Mat. 22. 4. And who am I, O Lord, that p. 92I ſhould gainſay ſuch Invitations. Behold, O Lord, I come, and put my truſt in thee.

Jan. 26. I Preached twice, and had very gracious aſſiſtance, much beyond expectation, in the week before I was much indiſpoſed, and could not get my heart to a ſetled meditation of what I was to ſpeak. I was under a great ſenſe of my impotency, and laboured in the fire, till Saturday Afternoon; when I cried to the Lord he was gracious to me, and Anſwered me. After my work was over I was much aſſaulted with Spiritual Pride. I ſaw plainly, the reaſon of Gods delaying his Aſſiſtance, and giving me ſuch ſenſe of my weakneſs, was to keep me humble. Every way O Lord! I ſee my own vileneſs, when thou withdraweſt from me then my heart dieth, and my ſtrength fails, and I am ready to be froward. When thou enlargeſt me, then I am ready to be puffed up. Oh pardon and purge away all my ſin for thy Names ſake.

Mar. 23. In Singing the 15th. Pſalm I found Comfort, my Conſcience bearing me witneſs that I laboured after thoſe things, which are ſet down as Characters of a Citizen of the New Jeruſalem.

Sept. 28. I had ſweet Meditations upon my Bed, I found God in my morning Prayer alſo in private, and aſſiſtance in Preaching, but not ſuch an influence of the Spirit in publick Prayer, as I have ſometimes found. Yet I had begged of God, that he would give me p. 93his preſence in publick, as a token that he accepted of me and my work; but he withdrew. I feared hereupon, that I had tempted God, and ſinned in begging new ſigns of his favour, when I had had ſuch great experience of his goodneſs many times before. Lord, forgive the ſin of thy Servant.

Nov. 23. Examining my ſelf about a work of Grace, I had ſome Comfort from Pſ. 40. 8. Delight in doing the will of God is an Argument of the Law written in the heart. Now I found that I had a delight eſpecially in ſome duties, as viſiting the Sick, comforting of diſtreſſed Conſciences, &c.

I was ſomewhat terrified from that word in Job. ch. 42. 7. I was afraid leaſt in my Preaching I ſhould ſometimes ſpeak thoſe things of God that were not right, and ſoon after going to Prayer, I was in time of Prayer comforted from Joh. 16. 13. The Spirit ſhall guide you into all truth.

Dec. 7. I found the Lord very much Anſwering my Prayer in giving very gracious, and powerful Aſſiſtance both in Prayer and Preaching at Trinity Lecture on Sabbath day. I may ſay as Jaber. 1 Chron. 4. 10. who ſaid, Oh that thou wouldeſt bleſs me indeed, and be with me! And God granted my requeſt. The next morning there came a woman to me, and ſaid ſhe was troubled at the Sermon that ſhe could ſcarce ſleep all night; for ſhe bad not gone ſo far as the Scribes and Phariſees, p. 94and that which added to the mercy was, God kept me humble after this enlargement.

Mar. 31. 1657. I had a very evident Anſwer of Prayer. I was at a pinch for ſome money, I begged of God that I might be ſupplied, and that Afternoon one to whom I had lent a little money brought it me, which was enough for my preſent neceſſities, the Circumſtances were very remarkable.

I ſought the Lord alſo to be with the Pariſh in the choice of their Church-Wardens, and there were thoſe two choſen, whom if I had had the Nomination, I ſhould have choſen my ſelf.

Apr. 21. I kept a day of Faſt to the Lord. I found God graciouſly with me in Prayer, the chief thing that I propounded was to ſeek direction as to my Preaching on Week-days. Among other things I begged of God a ſupply of my wants, being in ſome ſtraits for want of money. That very night one brought me 10 s. for Preaching a Funeral Sermon, which I expected not; and the next morning the Church-Wardens of St. Andrews Pariſh brought me 7 l. and upwards, whereby I was ſufficiently ſupplied. I could not but take notice of an evident Anſwer of Prayer, and a fulfilling of that promiſe, Prov. 28. 27. He that giveth unto the poor ſhall not lack.

April. 24. Being deſired to go to a poor Chriſtian, I promiſed to go; there being only two Maids in the houſe, I conſidered whether p. 95it might not prove ſome ſcandal to go; but conſidering alſo ſhe was a Member of Chriſt, and therefore I ought to Adminiſter to her Soul, I reſolved to commit the taking care of my Name to the Lord, and to do my duty. I begged of him that he would ſecure me from reproach, and as I went an honeſt poor man met me, to whom I told whither I was going, and asked him to go along with me; he was willing, and did ſo. I looked upon him as ſent by the Providence of God in Anſwer to my Prayer.

Theſe were ſome of thoſe obſervations and experiences which he recorded during his continuance at Cambridge. Upon his removal from thence he intermitted this practice for ſome years, but reſumed it again.

Octob. 1662. God put it into my heart, as at other times ſo eſpecially on Wedneſdays (the day on which I was wont to Preach my Lecture) when I was not diverted by ſome unexpected Providence, to lament after the Lord who had caſt me out of my employment in his Vineyard, and to ſeek to him for a diſcovery of the cauſe for which he contends with me, and that he would ſhew me for what ſin or ſins he hath ſent this ſad affliction, and that he would give me a ſanctified uſe thereof, by purging out my ſins and making me more holy, and that he would reſtore me again to ſome employment in his Vineyard, when and where it ſhall ſeem good in his ſight.

p. 96Being ſad and dejected becauſe I had ſinned now I was under the afflicting hand of God, I was very much revived by Iſa. 57. 17, 18. I ſmote him—he went on in the way of his own heart, I have ſeen his ways and will heal him. Having afterward ſinned again, and been over-powred by a corruption which had oft prevailed over me, I was cauſed to obſerve from that Scripture further, that it was not only a ſingle Act of ſin which was committed, but he went on in the way of his heart; and God ſaith, I have ſeen his ways and will heal him. It was a ſtay to my Faith. Here I obſerve what I have often found, viz. 1. Dejection is a fore-runner of Conſolation. Seldom have I had trouble upon my Spirit, but if I have eyed and followed after God, he hath took it off by ſome word of promiſe. 2. The obſerving and pondering of every word and Circumſtance in a promiſe is of great uſe, as it hath been to me. 3. God openeth his promiſes gradually ſometimes hinting and diſcovering one thing, and then another in the promiſe.

Being foiled by ſin I was raiſed to my former hope and affiance in God by Phil▪ p. 97Children of God till the coming of Chriſt.

Being another time foiled with the ſame corruption, and my heart ſinking in a deſpondent frame, I was much revived from Jam. 4. 5. 6. He giveth more grace. Where I ſaw that even our ſtrongeſt ſins, ſuch as our corrupt natures are moſt prone to, and are deeply rooted in our hearts and Spirits, are conquerable by Gods grace.

Being troubled that I had ſinned againſt God under his Correcting hand, and having thereby loſt my former Comfort which God had ſpoken to my Soul after my former backſlidings, I ſighed over the great Treachery and unſtedfaſtneſs of my heart, and caſting about in my thoughts where I ſhould find a ſutable word to fix on, God brought to my remembrance. Iſa. 48. 8, 9. I knew that thou wouldeſt deal very Treacherouſly—for my Names ſake will I defer my Anger. While I was muſing and pondering hereon and had new hope put into me, the Lord let in further Comfort and encouragement from. verſ. 10, 11. which is rendred by Piſcat. Behold I will refine thee, and I will make thee a choice one in the furnace of affliction: for mine own ſake, even for mine own ſake will I do it. Which gave me abundant refreſhment, and did marvellouſly ſtrengthen my hope in God. This was given me in when I had ſet apart ſome time to humble my Soul.

Apr. 5. 1665. I ſet apart that day for p. 98Faſting and Prayer on behalf of my Daughter Elianor, that had been ſo long ſick, and in the Evening had my Faith revived from Iſa. 44. 3▪ I will pour my Spirit upon thy ſeed.

Apr. 7. I began the day with diſcourſe with ſome Friends, before I had been at my private Communion with God, I met with a gentle Rebuke from the Providence of God in my Family Affairs, and my heart was flat in Family duty, and ſtraitned in private. I took this as an Item to begin with God, before I converſe with men. In the Evening God came in graciouſly to me in my Family Exerciſe.

Apr. 9. Lords day, I was much diſcompoſed in my Spirit in the Morning, by reaſon of a foil ſin had given me the Evening before. Satan would have boat me off from Preaching in my Family, but I performed my Morning exerciſe, and continued dejected till the Evening, and then in Family Prayer God graciouſly revived me with that promiſe. Hoſ. 11. 10. They ſhall walk after the Lord, in Connexion with verſ. 7. my people are bent to backſliding, though they called them to the moſt high, none at all would exalt him. Where two things were a great relief to my Faith. 1. God promiſeth they ſhould walk after him, notwithſtanding their habitual proneſs to backſlide from God. 2. Notwithſtanding their refuſing to exalt the Lord, though called to it. Yet within a little time I was again foiled p. 99by my corruption, which made me ſee what a poor creature I was, it left of God to my ſelf.

May. 8. At eleven of the Clock at night my daughter Elianor died after a long Sickneſs. God gave me ſeveral opportunities of recommending her Soul to him in prayer, at ſome whereof my heart was much affected and my faith, and hope acted on God, for the eternal welfare of her Soul, which made her departure eaſie to me. My grounds were, Gen. 17. I will eſtabliſh my Covenant between me and thee, and thy ſeed after thee for an everlaſting Covenant, to be a God to thee, and thy ſeed after thee. I conſidered that this Covenant is to give life, Mal. 2. 5. And whereas the thoughts of the Childs Original, and actual Sins, as frowardneſs, &c. might make me fearful of its eſtate. It was brought to my mind, that the Covenant is to give pardon of ſin, Heb. 8. 10, 12. And whereas faith and regeneration are neceſſary to Salvation, I conſidered further that the Covenant is to give all things neceſſary, to Salvation, 2 Sam. 23. 5. this is all my Salvation. Beſides the Conſideration of the Covenant, God gave me other encouragements, to hope in reference to my Child, as from Math. 19. 14. Suffer little Children to come unto me, and from obſerving how prevalent, faith and Prayer is with God for the remiſſion of ſins, and ſalvation of others as well as our own ſouls, p. 100Math. 9. 2. Jeſus ſeeing their faith, ſaid Son be of good cheer, thy ſins be forgiven thee. So 1 Joh. 5. 16. If a man ſee his Brother ſin a ſin which is not unto death, he ſhall ask of God, and he ſhall give him life. Now I Conſidered that though my child had ſins incident to Childhood, yet it had not ſinned the ſin unto death, and therefore I concluded that if I asked of God he would give it life, Jam. 5. 15. The Prayer of faith ſhall ſave the ſick, and if he hath commited ſins they ſhall be forgiven him. Math. 15. 22, 28. The woman of Canaan's faith and Prayer availed with Chriſt for the Caſting the Devil out of her daughter: Now God helping me to act faith, for my child upon the account of his covenant, and ſtiring me by his Spirit often to pray for my Child, I was thereby encouraged to hope for its Salvation.

When my Child died, the ſame day the ſmall Pox began to appear upon my Siſter, I knew not what breaches God might be about to make in my family; but as I was hearing the word, the Miniſters, treating on Gods intention to glorifie himſelf by all afflictions that he laid upon his people, from that Scripture, Iſa. 5. 15, 16. this word Satisfied me, that whatever judgments, God ſhould bring upon me or my family, he would exalt and glorifie his own Name by them; hereupon I ſubmitted and reſigned up my ſelf to God, to do with me and mine what he pleaſed.

p. 101Yet I was then under the ſenſe of ſin, which weakned my faith and made me fearful, I ſhould not bear up chearfully if I ſhould be viſited, while under the ſenſe of guilt. But I was much encouraged in meditation from Mic. 7. 8, 9. When I ſit in darkneſs the Lord will be a light unto me. This faith they held, when their affliction was attended with the ſenſe of ſin, for it followeth. I will bear the indignation of the Lord, becauſe I have ſinned againſt him. I was alſo much encouraged by viewing the promiſes that I had collected to comfort my ſelf with, when I was in danger of contagious diſeaſes. Eſpecially thoſe two▪ viz, Pſ. 41. 12. As for me, thou ſetteſt me before thy face for ever, and this was when under an evil diſeaſe, v. 8, which was the fruit of his ſin. ver. 4. and Pſ. 38. 5, 7. My wounds ſtink and are corrupt—my loyns are filled with a loathſome diſeaſe, &c. though in this viſitation he was afflicted with the ſenſe of ſin, and of Gods diſpleaſure, v. 1, 2, 3, 4▪ and was deprived of the Comfortable Society of his relations, and friends, v. 11. yet he kept up his hope in God, v. 15. In a little time after I had the ſenſe of guilt taken off, while I was ſtudying my Sermon, to remove the fears of Death.

Jun. 12. As I was reading, Act. 6. in my Evening courſe by my ſelf, I obſerved by comparing▪ ver. 4. 7. that upon the Apoſtles giving themſelves Continually to prayer, and p. 102to the miniſtry of the word, the number of the diſciples, encreaſed greatly in Jeruſalem, and a great company of the Prieſts were obedient to the faith. I was inſtructed and affected with it, and ſaw it was neceſſary, I ſhould pray much as well as Preach much, if I would convert many Souls, and that upon giving my ſelf to prayer, and to the miniſtry of the word, I was in the moſt likely way, to convert many Souls to Chriſt. The Prieſts were the chiefeſt oppoſers of the Goſpel. Act. 4. 1, 2. the chiefeſt perſecuters of Chriſt, Math. 16. 21. and 20, 18. the moſt active in putting Chriſt to death, Mar. 15. 10, 11. Luk. 19. 47. the multitude that came to apprehend Chriſt, were ſent by the Prieſts, Joh. 18. 3. the falſe witneſſes were ſuborned by the Prieſts Math 26. 59. yet by the power of prayer, and the word theſe Prieſts were brought in, by great numbers to the faith of Chriſt, and the obedience of the Goſple.

Jun. 25. about three of the Clock in the morning being Lords day my Wife was delivered of a Daughter, and that morning the Lord ſent a very plentiful rain. The Tueſday before, we kept a day of humiliation for my Wifes ſafe delivery, and to ſeek the Lord for rain, and the Lord gave a gracious anſwer to the prayers of that day, both at one time.

Jul. 31. I ſaw the plague of my heart breaking out. I argued againſt my corruption, yet it overcame me, and led me captive, it p. 103wounded me that I ſhould ſtill ſin againſt God, even while under his Correcting hand. My faith was revived by that Scripture, Iſa. 57. 17, 18. I Smote him, he went on frowardly in the way of his own heart, I have ſeen his ways, and will heal him. I was much encouraged from that word, I will heal him, which imports the Subduing, as well as the pardoning of ſin.

Aug. 2. I was encouraged to write ſomething that might be uſeful for my generation, from, Jer. 36. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Two things eſpecially from that Scripture, did put me forward to this. 1. writing of the word of God, is a means to Convert ſouls, and to lead them to repentance. 2. this Command for writing was given when Jeremiah was ſhut up, and could not preach as uſually, and ſuch was my caſe, viz, I was debarred from publick preaching, hereupon I apprehended; God called me to write.

Sept. 6. Being faſt day, As I came from Church I received a letter from, Mr. J. which acquainted me that my Son Samuel was very ill. that day I ſpent ſomewhat unprofitably, I was not affected as I ought with publick judgments, and the miſery of others, and therefore it was juſt with God to bring affliction into my family, the next day my Wife and, I went over to ſee our Child, and after we had been with it about five or ſix hours it died very ſuddenly. I was troubled that I p. 104did not pray with it before it died, which was occaſioned by being in anothers family, and my not apprehending death to be near.

This ſtroak coming ſoon after my removal from Colcheſter, I communed with my heart, whether I had ſinned in removing from that place, and my conſcience did not at that time charge me with ſin, in removing my habitation: I was Comforted in calling to mind Gods dealing with Jacob, who met with many afflictions in thoſe removes, which he made at the command of God, He was purſued by his Uncle, put into great fear by his Brother, loſeth Deborah his Mothers nurſe, and Rachel his beloved Wife, His Sons Reuben, Simeon and Levi, fell into foul ſins, &c. Hence I ſaw that God trieth his dear Servants with ſudden and ſore afflictions in thoſe places to which they have removed at the call of God.

Sept. 24. I enjoyed the opportunity of the Lords Supper, I found God gracious to me in preparation: In the morning when I awaked, God brought to my remembrance, Jer. 2. 32. Can a maid forget her Ornaments, or a Bride her attire? I conſidered I was to meet and Sup with my Bridegroom the Lord Jeſus, and then conſidered what Ornaments and attire would beſt pleaſe him, that I might put them on, and theſe were preſented to my thoughts, ſome as I lay in bed, and ſome afterwards, as lovely and deſirable in the ſight of Chriſt which I determined to put on 1ſt, A meek p. 105and quiet Spirit, 1 Pet. 3. 4. 2ly, Faith, Cant. 4. 9. Thou haſh raviſhed my heart my Siſter, my ſpouſe, with one of thine Eyes Faith hath the office of an Eye in the Soul Joh. 6. 40. Every one that ſeeth and believeth Looking unto Jeſus, Heb 12. 2. 3ly Love, Cant. 4. 10. How fair is thy Love, my Siſter, &c. 4ly Humility, Math. 11. 29. Learn of me for I am lowly in heart. 5ly, Selfdenial and forſaking of every thing, that cometh in Competition with Chriſt. Pſ. 45 10, 11. Hearken O Daughter, and conſider—forget thine own people, and thy Fathers Houſe; So ſhall the King greatly deſire thy beauty. 6ly, An obediential frame of heart, Math. 10. 20, 21. All theſe have I obſerved from my youth: Jeſus beholding him Loved him. 7ly, An heart reſolved to hold and maintain frequent converſe and communion with him. Cant. 2. 14▪ Let me ſee thy countenance, let me hear thy voice, for ſweet is thy voice, and thy Countenance is Comely. 8ly, Uprightneſs, Prov. 11. 20. 9ly, An holy fear of God and hope in his mercy. Pſ. 147. 11. 10ly, fruitfulneſs. Cant. 4. 16—5. 1.

But though God graciouſly aſſiſted me in preparation, yet in the time of receiving, my heart was flat and dead. As ſoon as the Sacrament was ended, I retired to my Chamber to to pray, and as I was praying, that Scripture was brought to my remembrance, Rom. 3. 3, p. 1064. ſhall their unbelief make the Faith of God of none effect? God forbid. I argued thence that the ſins of my holy▪things, my deadneſs and want of holy and due affections, in time of receiving ſhould not make void what God had promiſed, in and by this ordinance, but that the Cup was to me the Communion of the blood of Chriſt, and the New Teſtament in his blood; and the Bred the Communion of the body of Chriſt▪ This did ſtrengthen my faith, to depend upon God for the benefits ſignified, and ſealed by that Ordinance, notwithſtanding the indiſpoſition of my heart in the time of receiving▪

Sept. 29. As I was muſing on that rich promiſe made to Abraham, Gen. 15. 1. Fear not Abraham, I am thy ſhield and thy exceeding great reward. Which is ſufficient to bear up the Soul under the fear and danger of any Evil, and againſt the loſs and want of any good things▪ I conſidered what warrant I had to apply that promiſe, and preſently that Scripture was hinted to me, Gal. 3. 9. They which be of faith are bleſſed with faithful Abraham. I was ſtrengthened, and Comforted by it.

Twice in this weak I obſerved that Setting upon worldly buſineſs, (which called haſtily upon me) before I had been at cloſet prayer, and performed my uſual meditations on the Covenant and promiſes of God, my heart grew out of frame, and unſavory, and I was Succesſleſs on both days.

p. 107Oct. 1. Sabbath day, At my Entrance on my morning meditation on Gods Covenant, I had a great combate in my Spirit, about my laying claim to God as my God, having been lately foiled by my ſins, but God helped me, and ſhewed me out of his word that, I might and ought to keep my hold of God as my God, Notwithſtanding my often backſlidings from him, Jer. 3. 1, 5, 7, 8. yet v. 19. ſaith God, Thou ſhalt call me, my Father Hoſ. 2. 5. with 16.

The ſame evening conſidering how often and greatly I had ſinned, and yet had been forgiven, I pondered on that Scripture. Luke 7, 47. and ſaw that I had cauſe to love the Lord much becauſe I had much forgiven, and Conſidering how I ſhould ſhew my Love to God, and that much, theſe Scriptures were hinted to me, Pſ. 40. 16. Let ſuch as love thy name ſay Continually, let the Lord be Magnified, Pſ. 97. 10. Ye that Love the Lord hate evil. Joh. 14. 10. If ye Love me keep my Commandments, Joh. 21. 15. Simon loveſt thou me? feed my ſheep, feed my Lambs, Lord help me thus to ſhew much love to thee.

Oct. 8. Having been overtaken with the ſin which eaſily beſets me, and hath often foiled me, My Spirit fell, and my faith flagg'd, and I could not look upon God with any boldneſs, was indiſpoſed to prayer. Yet in time of prayer God magnified his free grace to me, and revived my Souls with that word, 1 Joh. 2. 1, 2. If any man ſin we have an Advocate &c. After I had ended my Supplications I p. 108pondered on that Scripture, and was comforted againſt the ſenſe of my ſin, by the Advocateſhip of Jeſus Chriſt, who pleadeth his propitiatory Sacrifice, as a Satisfaction to his Fathers juſtice for the ſins of believers, as oft as they fall into them, and querying with my ſelf whether he would be an Advocate to me to plead for me: I was ſatisfied from that word, Joh. 6. 37. him that cometh to me I will in no wiſe caſt out. I was alſo further encouraged from, Heb. 7. 25. I conſidered that the Interceſſion of Chriſt, anſwered all charges and accuſations that could be brought againſt thoſe for whom he interceded, Rom. 8. 33. 34. and that the Interceſſion of Chriſt kept us …o firmly in the love of God, that nothing could be able to ſeparate us from it, Rom. 8. 34. 35, 38, 39. I conſidered further that the perſons for whom he interceded were ſuch as came to God by him, and that he interceded for them at all times, when they are fallen as well as when they ſtand, when they are dead, as well as when in a lively frame, for He ever liveth to make interceſſion. After theſe meditations▪ my Spirit revived and notwithſtanding I was before bowed down under the ſenſe of guilt, I went with boldneſs to God, leaning upon the merits and Interceſſion of Jeſus Chriſt.

Oct. 13. My Spirit being bowed down with the ſenſe of guilt, becauſe I was foiled by a Sin againſt which I had prayed many years, p. 109I was revived in reading in my courſe 2 Cor. 12. 7, 8, 9. Whence I obſerved, 1ſt. God ſeeth it needful for ſome of his Servants, to meet with buffeting. 2ly. When God lets looſe any corruption, a thorn in the fleſh, or a temptation, a meſſenger of Satan to buffet us, It is to keep us humble, and from being exalted. 3ly. God ſuffers his faithful Servants ſometimes to pray long againſt corruption or temptation, and yet cannot get it removed. 4ly. Though my ſtrength was not ſufficient to reſiſt and overcome my ſins, yet Gods grace was ſufficient: Paul was inſufficient to any good of himſelf as I am 2 Cor. 3. 5. He had a body of ſin and death as well as I, Rom. 7. 23. 24. and Satan aſſaulted him here as well as me, and therefore if Gods grace was ſufficient for Paul, why not for me alſo? what God ſpake to Paul, I applied as ſpoken to me, according to, Math. 22. 31, 32. Chriſt ſaith, what was ſpoken by God to Moſes was ſpoken to them, though many hundered years after Moſes.

Dec. 10. I had about a month before made, though not a formal explicit vow, yet a kind of mental implicit vow, which I broke, and being under the ſenſe of guilt, was revived by reading a paſſage concerning David in Mr. Harris his works. p. 490.

Who would ever have thought, that ſo many afflictions as David had Suffered, ſo many mercies as he had received, ſo many vows as he had made, ſo many pieces of Holy p. 110Scripture as he had proved, &c. ſhould not have made him an whole man? Who would have dreamed that after all this ſo many dregs of adultery, of treachery, of murder, ſhould have been left remaining in him, Yet when David remitted his watch over his own heart, how foully did he fall?

I was alſo much comforted againſt the ſenſe of my ſin from, Iſa. 54. 9. This is as the waters of Noah unto me; for as I have ſworn that the waters of Noah ſhould no more go over the earth, So have I ſworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee. I looked upon my ſelf as entitled to this promiſe by vertue of what is ſaid v. 17. This is the heritage of the Servants of the Lord. I conſidered further that the Covenant which God made with Noah, and was confirmed with an Oath, was made with a Non obſtante multiplici peccato hominis, with a promiſe it ſhould ſtand valid notwithſtanding the imaginations of the heart of man are evil from his youth, Gen. 8. 21. I conſidered further that notwithſtanding the Covenant with Noah, there might be immoderate rains which might prove a great affliction, though there ſhould not be a Univerſal deluge. So notwithſtanding this Oath of God, and his Covenant with me I might meet with temporary afflictions, but I ſhould by vertue of the Covenant be delivered from eternal wrath. Bleſſed be God, This Scripture did much revive and comfort my Soul.

p. 111Notwithſtanding all this goodneſs of God I found my heart ſtill manifeſting its in-bred corruption, and I was foiled again by my ſin, which did much caſt me down, and being to draw nigh to God at the Lords Table, I was much diſcouraged; but before the Sabbath came I was in Prayer revived with Iſa. 53. 5, 6. and in conference by Mat. 11. 28. I found I was in a labouring condition, and ſuch Chriſt invited, and alſo from Pſal. 65. 3, 4. David when he found iniquity prevailing, did yet conclude that upon his approaching to God in his Ordinances, he ſhould be ſatisfied.

In reading Luke 8. 27. 30. I was encouraged to hope that the Lord Jeſus would diſpoſſes, and caſt out my ſins out of my Soul, though they were many and had poſſeſſed me a long time. For it is as eaſie for Chriſt to caſt a ſin, as to caſt a Devil out.

Mar. 25. 1666. Being Lords day, and the firſt day the Oxford Act for removing of Non-Conformiſts from the places where they had been Miniſters, and from Corporations, took place. In the morning as I lay in my Bed, pondering on this Providence, theſe Scriptures came to mind. Heb. 13. 14. Here have we no continuing City, but we ſeek one to come. Whence I was inſtructed that the mind of God in this unſetling Providence as to my abode here, was to ſtir me up to ſeek more induſtriouſly after the Kingdom of p. 112Heaven. Jer. 48. 11. Moab hath been a eaſe, and he hath ſetled on his lees, and hath not been emptied from veſſel to veſſel, neither hath gone into Captivity, therefore his taſt remained in him, and his ſcent is not changed. I learned hence that the deſign of God in this Providence was to take me off from Carnal eaſe and ſecurity, and ſetling upon the lees of any ſinful courſe, and to purge away that tang, and ſcent of ſin which yet remaineth in me. Pſal. 55. 19. Becauſe they have no changes therefore they fear not God. Whence I ſaw that this change was to promote a greater awe, and dread of God upon my Soul. The Lord great that this Providence may have theſe effects upon me.

Apr. 8. The Lord warned me to take heed how I preſumed to ſin againſt him upon the account of any mercies and favours he had beſtowed upon me, or upon the account of any gifts or graces given me from 2 Pet. 2. 4. If God ſpared not the Angels that ſinned, but caſt them down to hell—The Angels had been partakers of great goodneſs, God had done great things for them, placed them in Heaven, yet when they ſinned he did not ſpare them, but caſt them down to Hell. O my Soul, be not high minded, do not preſume to ſin againſt God, but fear to offend him.

Apr. 15. Corruption having prevailed I was indiſpoſed to pray, and could not meditate. p. 113After I had been praying a ſecond time though with much flatneſs and diſtraction, God graciouſly revived my Soul with Rom. 7. 23. 25. and 8. 1.

Apr. 21. In the like caſe God revived me with Iſa. 43. 24, 25.

May. 2. In the like caſe I was encouraged from 1 Sam. 12. 20. 22. and from Jer. 31. 37.

Soon after I renewed my Covenant with God; yet quickly found my Treacherous heart departing from God, and revolting and relapſing to ſin. Yet ſtill God Comforted me with his Word. Jer. 31. 31, 32, 33, 34. and Rom. 14. 4. He ſhall be holden up, for God is able to make him ſtand. It is ſpoken of him that is weak in the Faith. v. 1. and encouraged me to hope for the acceptation of my Perſon and Services from Iſa. 56. 6, 7.

Nov. 23. Being a day of private humiliation for my unprofitableneſs under my afflictions, ſighing under my incorrigibleneſs, God minded me of Jer. 31. 18. 20. which much refreſhed me and ſtrengthened my Faith. Bleſſed be God.

Jan. 1. Having ſome days before felt much of the ſinfulneſs, and filthineſs of my own heart, ſin not only ariſing but leading me Captive, I was afraid that becauſe of my ſinfulneſs, God being moſt holy would caſt me out of his favour. But the Lord inſtructed me from Pſal. 89. 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35. that his holineſs ſhould not deter me from expecting p. 114the accompliſhment of his promiſes, but rather encourage me to hope. For God hath ſworn by his Holineſs, that he would not take away his Loving-kindneſs, nor break his Covenant, &c. notwithſtanding he found ſin.

Jan. 7. It was a ſutable word to my ſtate, and that which afforded me ſome ſupport, which I met with in my courſe of private reading. Pſ. 19. 13. Keep back thy ſervant from preſumptuous ſins, let them not have dominion over me. Where I conſidered. 1. That David found in his heart a proneſs to preſumptuous ſins, which made him cry out, Keep back thy ſervant, &c. 2. He was not without fear or danger, leſt preſumptuous ſins ſhould get the dominion over him, for he Prays, Let them not have dominion. 3. When he found it thus with himſelf, he calls himſelf Gods Servant. Keep back thy ſervant—This word coming when my heart had been upon the borders of a preſumptuous ſin, did much affect me.

Febr. 6. Being a day of Humiliation, I was much indiſpoſed to the duties of the day, I found my heart unfit to Pray in private, and to perform Family exerciſe. The ſenſe of guilt had clouded and bowed down my Soul. In the Evening God revived my Soul with Iſa. 64. 6, 7, 8. They complained they were all as an unclean thing, their righteouſneſs as filthy rags, there was a flagging of the p. 115Spirit of prayer, and this in a time of great Judgments, as v. 10, 11. Yet they ſay, But now thou O Lord art our Father. This ſuited my condition, and encouraged me to believe my relation to God, and his to me as my Father, though I found my ſelf under the foreſaid Diſtempers.

I was alſo ſupported againſt my ſins with 1 Joh. 2. 24. Let that abide in you which you have heard from the beginning; if that which you have heard from the beginning ſhall remain in you, ye ſhall continue in the Father and the Son. By which I was encouraged to hold faſt what Inſtructions, Comforts and Supports I had formerly received from God. That which ye have heard, viz. from the teachings of the Spirit. Joh. 6. 45. from the beginning, viz. from the time they began to believe in Chriſt, Heb. 3. 14.

Nov. 28. 1669. Being Saturday, I was viſited with a Feaver. When I was under the Viſitation I looked over my Evidences for Heaven, & had comfortable hopes of my Salvation from ſeveral promiſes, whereby the fear of Death was removed. My Life was in hazard, many Prayers were put up for me: God directed to the timely uſe of proper means, and gave his bleſſing, and reſtored me to my work on the fourth Lords day, as a return to Prayers. In my ſickneſs before the danger was probably paſt, in the night ſeaſon I had very clear and awful apprehenſions of the Majeſty of God, as though I p. 116had heard God ſpeaking to me out of Iſa. 57. 15. I who am the high and lofty one that inhabit Eternity, &c. and then methought it was ſaid to me, Surgite Miniſtri & ſervi, praedicate Evangelium ad Converſionem peccatorum. Ariſe ye Miniſters and Servants of God, and Preach the Goſpel for the Converſion of ſinners. And afterwards it was ſaid to me, You ſhall not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord. Fear thou not, thou haſt born witneſs to my Name in this place; thou ſhalt bear witneſs alſo to my Name, where I ſhall call thee. To which my Soul bowed down, and I replied, Lord, I am willing to follow thee, if thou ſhalt ſatisfie me that thou calleſt me. I could not certainly tell, whether I was awake or ſleeping, or ſlumbring; but the matter being ſo affecting, coherent, and coming with ſome power, I laid it up in my heart, not knowing but it might be uſeful to me.

Jan. 30. 1671. My Treatiſe of Family Inſtruction being finiſhed and Publiſhed, I reſolved after ſeveral times ſeeking God, and Conſulting with my own Soul, to ſet upon compoſing a Treatiſe of glorifying God. The grounds or reaſons inducing me hereunto were,

1. The Command given to all perſons in all Nations to declare the glory of God, 1 Chron. 16. 23, 24. I ſaw here I might lawfully, yea it was my duty, to do what I could p. 117to ſet forth the glory of God: And ſeeing I was taken off from my publick Preaching, I might do it more beneficially by Writing and Printing.

2. My Spirit hath been for ſeveral years put upon, and ſtirred up to write on this Subject. I made a little beginning in the year 1664. but laid it aſide, and in times of ſickneſs I have found a lothneſs to die till that work were done, and have met with many croſs Providences as if ſent with a tacit reproof for neglecting this work. Now the ſtirring up the Spirit to a good work is of God, and part of Gods call to the work. Exod. 36. 2. Ezr. 1. 5. Hagg. 1. 14.

3. I was under many Engagements to glorifie God, as 1ſt. The many and great mercies I have received for my Soul, by the Teachings and Conſolations of his Spirit, and many outward mercies above my other Relations, which are engagements to glorifie God. Pſ. 86. 12, 13. 2ly, The eminent deliverances I have had from ſickneſs, the Peſtilence and other troubles. Pſal. 50. 15. 3ly, The wonderful preſervation I have had from mine Enemies, notwithſtanding all the hazards I have run of falling into their hands, by Preaching the Goſpel at home and abroad, which ſhould engage me to extol and glorifie God. Pſal. 30. 1.

4. I did hope for benefit to my own Soul, both by being further enlightened into the p. 118knowledge, and excited to the practice of glorifying God, while I was ſtudying to inſtruct and excite others thereto.

July 17. 1672. God having opened a door for the free exerciſe of my Miniſtry by his Majeſties moſt Gracious Declaration, I was deſired both at Ipſwich and Colcheſter to Miniſter to them. I had diſcouragements as from the uncertainty of the times, not knowing whether this liberty would continue, or a time of trouble and perſecution ariſe, the differences and animoſities that are among Profeſſors, and the enmity that is on the part of the Adverſaries. I conſidered of it and had encouragement from the Word thereto, as 1 Pet. 5. 2. 4. with verſ. 7. as alſo from Joſh. 1. 9. Joſhua had difficult work before him, potent Enemies that dwelt in fenced Cities, the people with whom he had to do, had ſo exaſperated Moſes his Spirit by their frequent murmurings, that once he cried out to God to be killed out of hand, that he might not ſee his own wretchedneſs, Numb. 11. 15. another time he ſpake ſo unadviſedly with his lips that he angred God, and was ſhut out of Canaan. Joſhua might well fear when he was to enter on this work. Therefore God ſpeaks four times to him to encourage him. Be ſtrong; be of good courage, &c. and gives him two Arguments to encourage him. 1ſt. His Call, Have not I Commanded thee? 2ly. A promiſe of his Preſence, as his God. Whence p. 119I Obſ. 1. God will be with his people in all places whitherſoever they go. 2. The promiſe of Gods preſence may take off all fears, ariſing either from the temper of the people with whom we ſhall have to do, or the difficulty of our work, or ſtrength of Adverſaries.

Jan. 1. 1673. I awaked about four of the Clock in the morning, and had many ſweet meditations in my Bed for the ſpace of about two hours. I then reſolved with my ſelf to engage my heart afreſh, and to renew my Covenant with the Lord the beginning of this New year, to be the Lords Servant, to ſerve the Lord and his Son Jeſus Chriſt all the remainder of the days I have to live in this world, in ſuch ſervice as he ſhould ſee meet to employ me.

The encouragements and inducements that were brought to my mind, and drew out my heart willingly and cheerfully to give up my ſelf to the Lord, to ſerve him and his Son Jeſus Chriſt were theſe,

1. His promiſe of affording his Preſence, and Aſſiſtance to ſuch as are his Servants, and to be their God. Iſa. 41. 8, 9, 10.

2. The great and precious promiſes made to his Servants. Iſa. 54. per totum. Which concludeth thus v. 17. This is the heritage of the ſervants of the Lord.

3. We glorifie God when we ſerve him. Iſa. 49. 3. Thou art my Servant O Iſrael in whom I will be glorified.

p. 1204. God hath done great things for me, both for my outward and inward man, and the only thing that he requires of me is to ſerve him in truth and ſincerity. 1 Sam. 12. 24.

5. All Chriſts Servants ſhall aſſuredly be with him where he is, and ſhall be honoured of the Father. Joh. 12. 26. and ſhall enter into the joy of their Lord. Mat. 25. 21.

May 19. 1676. Reading Levit. 22. 3. Whoſoever of the Prieſts in their generations, went unto the holy things, which the Children of Iſrael did hallow unto the Lord, having his uncleanneſs upon him, that Soul ſhould be cut off from the preſence of the Lord, And the enſuing Sabbath being Sacrament day, I conſidered with my ſelf, 1ſt. That greater Reverence is due to the Lords Supper, than to the holy things under the Law. 2ly. Moral uncleanneſs is greater than Ceremonial. 3ly. Therefore I conſidered how I might go to this Ordinance, and Adminiſter it to others without having my uncleanneſs upon me, that is, how I might be purged from my uncleanneſs. To that end I determined,

1. Humbly to acknowledge, confeſs, and bewail the uncleanneſs of my heart, lips, and life before the Lord. Iſa. 6. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. When the Prophet bemoaned his uncleanneſs, the Lord purged it away, and ſent him to do his Office.

2. To go to the fountain ſet open for ſin and for uncleanneſs. Zech. 13. 1. that is, to p. 121act my faith on the blood of Chriſt which cleanſeth from all ſin. 1 Joh. 1. 7.

3. To reſt upon God by faith for fulfilling his Covenant, wherein he hath promiſed to cleanſe me from all my filthineſs, and to ſave me from all my uncleanneſs, Ezek. 36. 25, 29. Act. 15. 9.

4. To plead earneſtly with God to take away all iniquities, Hoſ. 14. 2. and to create in me a clean heart, Pſ. 51. 10. and to ſucceed my prayers with endeavours to put away evil and uncleanneſs out of my heart and life, Iſa. 1. 16. 18. 2 Cor. 7. 1.

Theſe are many of thoſe judicious obſervations, which this holy perſon made, and thoſe ſpiritual experiences he found and recorded for his own uſe; that he might always have at hand before him the manner and method of Gods dealing with his Soul, the workings of Corruption and grace, his lapſes and recoveries, his combates and victories over world, ſin and Satan, his perſeverance and progreſs in holineſs, the ſecret intercourſe between God and his ſoul, the withdrawings and Returns of the Holy Spirit, the faithfulneſs of Gods Covenant the truth of his word ſenſibly felt in his heart, food for his faith, encouragement to walk with God, with experimental inſtruction, how to comfort troubled Conſciences. (In which part of the miniſtry he had a peculiar excellency beyond moſt part of his Brethren. for partly by his diligent ſearching of the Holy Scripture, partly p. 122by obſerving and recording the method of the Holy Ghoſt towards himſelf, and partly by diſcourſing with troubled Conſciences, (wherein as he was much exerciſed, ſo he took much delight) he was ſo acquainted with the various caſes of Conſcience, and ſo well underſtood both Caſe and cure, that it may be truly ſaid of him, The Lord God had given him the tongue of the learned, that he might know how to ſpeak a word in ſeaſon to the weary. On which account he might be ſirnamed Barnabas a Son of Conſolation. It was his uſual manner in preaching to foreſee and raiſe ſuch objections as troubled Souls are prone to make againſt themſelves, and to ſolve them with much clearneſs and ſatisfaction. And many applications of ſuch Souls were made to to him in private as to a Skillful, Experienced, Spiritual Phyſitian, whoſe advice God ſucceeded with his bleſſing to the encouragement of the faith and hope of many doubting Chriſtians that walked in darkneſs.) which are here publiſhed not only as Inſtances and demonſtrations of that Spirit of Light and grace, that power of Godlineſs which poſſeſſed and governed his heart and life, and fitted him to be ſuch a uſeful inſtrument for the Service of Chriſt and his Church, on which account his memory is worthily honourable, and precious to all good men: But eſpecially for the Inſtruction, direction, relief, ſupport, and encouragement of others who are following him, though at a great diſtance, in that narrow way which p. 123leadeth to that life to which he is arrived.

They who labour and are heavy laden, who are bowed down under the power and weight of their ſin, wreſtling with Corruption and temptation, exerciſed with darkneſs and doubtings, with fears and faintings; They who are called to difficult ſervice which require much labour and diligence and ſelf-denial, and may expoſe them to the hazard and danger of this evil world, may hence take Counſel and encouragement while they read the ſenſe, and workings of their own hearts in the experiences, the method and practicableneſſe of their duty in the example of this Eminent Saint.

We have hitherto ſeen ſomethings of his Conſcience of Sin and duty, his induſtry and zeal for the Service and glory of God, his combates with the fleſh and Satan, his Love to Chriſt and his Church, his Spirituality in Religion, His longings and breathings after God, His remembring God upon his bed, and meditating on him in the night watches, his wiſe improvement of the Holy Scriptures, his due fulfilling of all Relations, his Holy manner of Living to God: From whence we may rationally conclude that ſurely he gave this diligence unto the full aſſurance of hope; that he taſted the Conſolation of God, and received the earneſt of Glory; that he walked upon the top of Piſgah in the light of Gods countenance, and in the ſight of the Heavenly Canaan. Which priviledge indeed the God of peace and comfort p. 124did not deny him. He was a man as of much grace, ſo of much peace; an inſtance of that word, Pſ. 119. 165. Great peace have they that love thy Law. He received the ſpirit which is of God, and knew the things that were freely given to him of God and rejoyced therein, 1 Cor. 2. 12.

As to his Converſion (which to ſome that have lived long in ignorance, ſecurity, ſenſuality, prophaneſs, and forgetfulneſs of God, is very Senſible) He being from tender years reſtrained and well inclined, It was not ſo remarkable to him. The moſt diſcernible part thereof was when he was a young Scollar in Cambridge. Nor did he then experience very notable workings of the Spirit of bondage. Which occaſioned ſome trouble to his mind, and he feared his humiliation was not deep enough; but he received full ſatisfaction from a paſſage in a ſermon which he heard preached by that Worthy and Excellent Servant of Jeſus Chriſt Mr. Richard Vines, then Maſter of Pembrooke Hall.

He hath ſometimes ſaid to his Friend that he was not much acquainted with thoſe raviſhing joys which ſome have felt, but yet had that comfort and joy in the Holy Ghoſt, which gave him ſatisfaction.

His method and manner was to derive his aſſurance and comfort from the written word. Of the truth whereof he would ſay he had ſuch a full perſuaſion, as being the ſure word of God, that he did more firmly believe it, than if an p. 125Angel ſhould ſpeak to him from Heaven, according to, 2 Pet. 1. 17, 18, 19, 20, 21. He could not ſatisfie himſelf with the expectation, or apprehenſion of the immediate, ſole teſtimony of the Spirit, without the word. But would compare himſelf with the word, frequently practiſing the duty of ſelf examination, Searching for thoſe graces, diſpoſitions and operations in his heart, which are promiſed in the word, and to which the promiſes are made. Which the Spirit of God enlightned him to diſcern, and enabled him in a way of argumentation to infer thence his intereſt in Chriſt, and the Covenant of God for his ſatisfaction and Spiritual Conſolation. And the Aſſurance which he attained in this method, and by theſe means he thus Recordeth.