Sermon at Funeral of John Bigg, Narrative
A NARRATIVE OF Mr. BIGG's CONVERSION, &c.
MR. Bigg, when married to worthy Mr. Browning's Daughter, was very ſober and well enclined, and by ſome, thought to be Godly. But it appeared in ſome time after, the Work was but outward; for being led aſide by vain Company, and being at firſt (as it was thought, and he expreſſed it to ſome) filled with dreadful Horrors for it, he fell into a woful Security, and continued hardned in Sin, eſpecially that of Company-keeping for ſeveral Years. At laſt he was ſurprized with a lingring Diſtemper, that brought him nigh to the Gates of Death; during which time, he continued ſtupid and unconcerned about his Soul; but it pleaſed the Lord that then he recovered, and continued well for about two years or above; but then fell into a dangerous Relapſe, and then there appeared, pretty early in him, ſome Concernment about his Soul, though he kept it very ſecret, as indeed he was by Nature reſerved, cloſe, and of few Words, except he was amongſt his Company, and diſtempered in his Head. The firſt time he was ſeen to be apparently concerned, was upon this following Occaſion. It has pleaſed the allwiſe God, whoſe ways are in the Deep, and whoſe Judgments are paſt finding out, to lay his heavy Hand upon a Child of his of twelve years of age (who is known to be very gracious) in that ſtrange and unuſual Diſtemper that hath ſeized many others; which Diſpenſation of God towards us, makes us to be taken up into the Mouths of Talkers, and to be gazed and wondred at by many, who paſs their Cenſures variouſly, as they are diſpoſed. Though we deſire humbly to acquieſs in the Will of the Lord, waiting for his Salvation, not in the leaſt queſtioning, but he will eminently glorifie himſelf in the Iſſue, as he has already in ſome Meaſure, bleſſed be his Name, and then they that have reproached us, ſhall ſee, and hear, and be aſhamed. The Diſtemper afflicting the Child with Light-headedneſs (the firſt Effect of it in that kind, as was obſerved on her) ſhe talked of divers things, and amongſt the reſt, of what good People there were in the Neighbourhood that ſhe loved, and amongſt the reſt, ſhe ſaid her Mother was good and would go to Heaven; but being asked concerning her Father, whether ſhe thought her Father would go to Heaven; ſhe replied, ſhe deſired he might: Hereupon Mr. Bigg being called, and ſhe again in his Preſence asked, what ſhe ſaid of her Father? Nothing, ſays the Child, very gravely and awfully, but that I wiſh his eternal Good? which Words fell upon him with ſuch Power and Weight, that it caſt him into great Paſſion of Weeping for ſome time. About that time, being very reſtleſs in the Night, ſaid to his dear Relation, he needed to have ſomething: It was anſwered (ſuppoſing he meant Phyſick) that nothing would do him more good than a little Sleep. He replied, yes, a little Hope would do me more good. It was told him, True! a little good Hope through Grace, would do you more good indeed. Remember that Place of Scripture, Iſa. 45.22. Look unto me and be ſaved, all the ends of the Earth? For I am God, and there is none elſe. He preſently anſwered, That was not ſo eaſily done, and then continued, Theſe Words have run in my Mind of late to terrifie me: Becauſe I have called, and you have refuſed, &c. And many dreadful Scriptures altogether. Then he was told, That Chriſt was able to ſave to the uttermoſt. Yes, ſaid he, and able to deſtroy to the uttermoſt too. Then he ended (ſpeaking nothing of Soul Matters, but what the Force of Terror one while, and Joy another while made him. Some time after he was again complaining; which, whilſt he was doing, he was acquainted, That his Condition was hopeful though painful: It being added, Time was, when you have been under God's Hand, and in great Danger, and to my Apprehenſion, was ſtupid and Sottiſh. He anſwered, Yes, it was ſo. Then being asked, if he had not ſome Hope, he replied, that ſometimes he was ready to think, that if God had had a Purpoſe to deſtroy him, he would have done it before now. Not long after, as he was going to Bed one Night, he asked one, what ſhe thought of him, as to his Living? ſhe anſwered, ſhe did not know what the Lord would do with him: As to Senſe, you are not like to be long in this World (he then being very weak.) And muſt I die then? ſaid he: Oh, I dare not die! I dare not die! Oh! 'tis an awful thing to die, &c. Some ſhort time after, whilſt he was in his bitter Complaints, ſeveral Scriptures were laid afore him to encourage his Believing into Chriſt. He ſaid, right! if it had been in time; but it is too late now. He was anſwered, it was not too late, ſeeing the Lord had opened his Eyes on this ſide of the Grave, and made him ſee his Need of Chriſt. He ſaid, yes, it is too late; for I have had the proffer of Chriſt, and the ſame Tenders of Salvation with others: And I would not have Chriſt then, and therefore it is juſt with God to deny him to me now. But one added, you can juſtifie God under all. Oh! Ay, ſaid he: Oh! Ay. He that hath born ſo many years Provocations at my Hands — I will ſpeak well of him … long as I live, however he deals with me. Another time he deſired that Scripture might be turned to, Phil. 3.12. That I may apprehend that, for which alſo I am apprehended of Chriſt. Methinks, ſaid he, it bears this Senſe: That Chriſt muſt firſt take hold of the Soul, before the Soul can take hold of Chriſt. A little before he kept his Bed, he ſaid to his Wife: Dear, What muſt I do? There is no way for me but to cloſe with Jeſus Chriſt, and I cannot do it, I cannot do it. I do not know either whether I am willing to be ſaved by Chriſt or no. May be, if I ſhould recover, things would wear off. Oh! I dread the Thoughts of it. If I may but live till I have obtained Mercy, I ſhall think I have lived long enough. But Oh! the Thoughts how few find Mercy at laſt, would make any ones Heart to ake. It being on the Heart of his dear Relation to ſend to the Church of Chriſt at Rothwell, to pray for him, acquainted him with it; asking him, if it was not his Deſire alſo. He anſwered, he thought of it ſome Days afore, but durſt not be ſo bold as to mention ſuch a thing; but did deſire they ſhould ſeek the Lord for him, that he might cloſe ſaveingly with Jeſus Chriſt, and have a true Godly Sorrow and Repentance, never to be repented of. Now we are drawing towards the Cloſe of his Life. The Friday before he departed, he could ſcarce riſe, being exceeding weak; but he began to be very earneſt about his Soul. He ſpake thus to Mrs. Bigg, The Prayers of God's People are a great ſupport to me; I always had a great Eſteem of the Prayers of God's People. That Night he was confined to his Bed; when he was laid in it, he ſaid very awfully, I ſhall riſe no more till the Trumpet ſounds. When in Bed, he was complaining of the greatneſs of his Sins; he was taken up by one, ſaying, Whether he thought his Sins ſo great, as that there was not enough in Chriſt to pardon? No, ſays he, I will not reflect ſuch Diſhonour on the Blood of Chriſt, as to think ſo. I know there is an effectual Plaiſter prepared; but if not applied, what then? A little after he brake forth into this Expreſſion: As there is a fulneſs of ſin in me, ſo there is much more Fulneſs in Chriſt to pardon. However that Night he continued very reſtleſs, his Diſtreſs being ſuch, he could ſcarcely lay his Eyes together: And in the Morning (which was Saturday) he ſpoke in great Agony, I muſt die, and have not the leaſt bit of Hope. Being then adviſed to venture on Chriſt, and caſt himſelf upon him, as one able to ſave to the uttermoſt: He with a Countenance, that witneſſed huge inward Grief, replied, it was too late. His dear Relation anſwered him thus, It is not too late. God has opened your Eyes on this ſide the Grave, and made you ſee your need of Chriſt; therefore 'tis not too late; but he calleth you now. He preſently ſpake thus, Shall I venture then upon Chriſt? It was anſwered him, He muſt. Then having pauſed, his Countenance more compoſed and cheary, he ſpake reſolvedly, I can but periſh—then ſtopped. Then his dear Wife obſerving his Words and countenance, ſaid, Hope is a Dawning. He quickly replied, I hope it is, and ſoon after burſt forth into high Acclamations and Expreſſions of ſpiritual Joy, and Admirations of the free Grace of God as Strength would permit. But he was much afflicted, that he had not Strength nor Breath to ſpeak of God's free Grace to him, that the World might know what God had done for him. Notwithſtanding he ſpake ſomewhat to this effect: It troubles me that God ſhould looſe his Glory, who hath not, I hope, ſuffered me to looſe my Soul. Oh, that I had Breath to ſpeak of Chriſt! Methinks I could ſpeak of Chriſt till Night! I think I could ſpeak of Chriſt a Year together! And indeed all that Day, when he had ſtrength to ſpeak, it was excellently of Chriſt: And once fetching his Breath with much Difficulty, he ſaid, I ſhall breath out my laſt Breath with a bleſſed be God for Jeſus Chriſt; and little afterwards he would complain, that he could love Chriſt no more. That day there came a young Gentleman, an Acquantance of his, to viſit him, who found him very weak; but when he had recovered a little Strength, he addreſſed himſelf to him thus: All that we have to do for God and our Souls Salvation, is to be done here: There is nothing to be done in the Grave, and it is my Advice, and my dying Counſel to all young Men, that they labour to make ſure of Chriſt in a time of Health, and not put off ſo great a Work as I have done.
The following Day, which was the Lords Day, he was exceeding weak, and pained in his Body, and variouſly exerciſed in his Soul, as appears by ſeveral Expreſſions that dropt from him at times. Whilſt he was complaining of his Illneſs, he was told, that however it was, yet God is good, He anſwered, You ſhall never hear me ſay otherwiſe, ſink or ſwim, ſaved or damned, I will juſtifie him. A little after, being exerciſed in his Soul, he cryed out, How hard a thing it is to croud through the Throng of Sin and Guilt to Jeſus Chriſt: Sure Chriſt will not accept of ſuch a filthy thing as I: But, ſaid he again, God's End in pardoning and ſaving Sinners, is to glorifie his own free Grace; and then why not towards me as well as another? What a wonderful Word is that? A Man may die with that Word in his Mouth, The free Gift is of many Offences unto Juſtification. Then added, And though my Fleſh and my Heart faileth, God is the Strength of my Heart, and my Portion for ever. Another time, being ſomewhat clouded, and ſpeaking of the Grace of God, I cannot demand it, nor have I deſerved it: But being asked, if he would not accept of it: Yes, reply'd he, very thankfully. Towards Night he grew more diſtreſſed, for ſeveral Friends being gathered about him he looked upon them dolefully, and ſaid, Oh, I tremble! being asked at what? he anſwered, at the poſſibility of Periſhing. One then ſitting by, that knew how it was with him, told him, it was impoſſible, he being helped through Grace to commit his Soul into ſuch Hands. It was ſaid further, None can pull you out of his Hands. He ſpeaks a little after, Poor Hearts, you are willing to hope the beſt; I wiſh you are not miſtaken. You know, ſaid he, to his Wife, Dear, oppreſſed Nature will cry out for Relief; but being anſwered, that oppreſſed Nature could not reſt on Chriſt for Salvation; or to this Effect, he was ſilent. Next Morning he was much complaining that he was to die, and do Chriſt no Service in the World. He cryed out, Oh, that I might live but one Year! but may be if I ſhould, I would be wicked: But yet, ſaid he, I think verily, if I know my Heart, I am willing to imbrace Chriſt on his own Terms; I think verily, if I was to live the ſtricteſt Life as ever Saint lived, yet I think I could embrace none but Chriſt. A little after, being full of Complaints as to his Soul, it was told him, Yeſterday you could ſay, though my Heart and my Fleſh faileth, &c. He anſwered, But I cannot ſay ſo to day. Some time after, his Faith began to mount up, and being melted under the Sence … God's Grace to him, he ſaid, If I had ſtrength, I would ſoon make my Confeſſion Town-Talk. I need not tell the Town what my Life hath been; they know that very well: But I would have them know the difference between them that have Grace, and them that have none. Monday about Noon Mr. Bear came to viſit him, and asked him, What, art thee going now to Chriſt? He anſwered, Better now than ever. But he was ſo weak, and laboured with ſuch Difficulty of Breathing, that he could ſcarce ſpeak; which he expreſſed himſelf, ſaying, That if it were to ſave his Life, he could not ſpeak; yet deſired Mr. Bear, that he would wreſtle and ſtrive with God in Prayer for him, that he might be helped ſincerely to cloſe with Chriſt. A little after, finding his Weakneſs increaſe upon him, he ſpake thus, I am brought to the Duſt of Death. That Night, which was the Night before he departed, about nine a Clock, he grew weaker and weaker, and fetch'd his Breath ſhorter and ſhorter: Being a little lifted up on his Pillow, he lifted up his Hands, and bad all farewell. After which, he drew his Breath as one juſt departing; being (as 'twas thought) paſt ſpeaking, was ſpoke to by a Friend thus, putting him in mind of his own Expreſſion, Bleſſed be God for Jeſus Chriſt; whereat he was heard to ſay ſoftly, Amen. Then his dear Relation added, Chriſt the Fore-runner is for thee entred: Then he, with a pleaſant Countenance, nodded his Head, being not able to ſpeak. And now Death indeed was in his Face in all its Symptoms, and all concluded him juſt a dying; when, all of a ſuddain, his Blood returned into his Face, Vigor and livelineſs into his opened Eyes, and with a Voice exceeding loud, as if he had roſe from the Dead on purpoſe to give in his dying Teſtimony for free Grace, he thus ſpake triumphantly. I know that my Redeemer liveth, and that with theſe Eyes I ſhall ſee him, and not anothers: Come Lord Jeſus, come quickly; Come Lord Jeſus, come quickly; Come Lord Jeſus, come quickly: Theſe Words he ſpake with ſuch Vehemence, that he made the whole Houſe to eccho, when afore he could ſcarce be heard if one laid his Ear to his Mouth, and then continued thus with no leſs Accent and Affection, I am no more afraid to die, than I am to ſhut my Eyes: I am no more afraid to die, than I am to go to ſleep. God loves me dearly, and I love God dearly: I am ſure he will do me no hurt. Lord, ſtrike the Blow, and the Work is done, I long to be gone, I long to ſee Jeſus Chriſt. O that all the Town might ring of God's free Grace to me! What, at the laſt Hour too? Who would have thought of this a few Weeks ago? Nothing leſs than Eternity is ſufficient to admire free Grace: This is bleſſed Work indeed: This is Dying indeed. Thy Father, ſaid he, turning to his Wife, will wonder to ſee me in Heaven: He little thinks I am ſo near him. His Wife asked him, if he thought ſhe ſhould ever come where he was a going. He anſwered, I do not queſtion it; thou, nor the poor Children neither. Through God's Grace, his dying Propheſie is in a likely way to be accompliſhed in all of them.) You will not be long after me. Come, one Boſom will hold us all: He that hath begun the good Work in them (meaning his Children) will carry it on till the Day of Jeſus Chriſt. A Friend hearing him ſpeak ſo heartily, ſaid, Sir, I hope you may live ſtill. He replied. Oh do not tell me ſo! I do not love to hear of that Ear: I would not come back again for thouſands of Gold and Silver; but what the Lord will, I am wholly ſwallowed up in Gods Soveraign will. After he was ſpent with ſpeaking, he ſaid, I can ſpeak no more; I hope you are all ſatisfied. Fare you well, expecting (as it ſeems) he ſhould have gone immediately to Heaven. But it pleaſed the Lord to order it otherwiſe, and to continue him till the next Night, though under ſome Regret, for he preſently added, Oh! I thought I had been going ſo ſweetly, but I am here ſtill; and next Morning, hearing ſome Friends diſcourſing about the Diſtreſs he had been in, he ſaid to them, but the Lord has now fully ſatisfied me. Yet by reaſon his Diſſolution was delayed, it occaſioned further Temptation, and a black Cloud aroſe upon his Soul after all this glorious Sun-ſhine. He burſt out into ſuch bitter Expreſſions as theſe: God has forſaken me, and I am afraid 'tis a ſore Judgment of God upon me, that I lye in ſuch a Condition. I am afraid, leaſt I have deceived my ſelf with falſe Hopes. Some time after the beginning of his Diſtreſs, there appeared on him Convulſive Fits; whereupon he ſaid to his Wife, I have Fits. She anſwered, I am afraid you have. He added, I am almoſt frighted out of my Wits. Being asked at what: He replied, At the Awfulneſs of Death. This Conflict laſted for ſome time; but the Lord was pleaſed to return again, as was perceived; for his Soul was compoſed and ſtill. His Fits ceaſed, though his Strength was gone, that he could ſpeak but litttle. However, this for Satisfaction was had from him a little before he departed. He ſaid, would I was up! His Wife anſwered, That would be a pleaſant Sight indeed to ſee thee up again, to tell us what thou haſt ſeen on this ſick Bed. He anſwered, I have ſeen that here, which hath made my Heart, and the Hearts of many more glad. It was then told him, you may ſee now what Satan's Temptations are, when God permits him, he will rob a Child of God of his Comforts; but that is all he can do. And it is a great All too, ſaid he, it was that which made my Life a Burthen to me. Being asked, if he did not believe he ſhould have Comfort again. He anſwered, Yes, but did not know when. But it was not long before he had it to the full; for now he fell into a ſweet Sleep, the beſt he had for many Days; in which Sleep, he quietly ſlept in Jeſus.
Thus I have given you an Account of ſome of his Death bed Experiences, in whom; though now dead, he yet ſpeaketh to you the Living, and invites you all to partake of the ſame Grace with him, that you may enter into the ſame Glory …e now is in. Have a care, as I cautioned you afore, to ſuck Poiſon to the Ruine of your own Souls out of this Inſtance of God's Free, Rich, and Glorious Grace; but make this Improvement of it, to ſtir you up now to accept of, and venture on the boundleſs Grace of God in Chriſt Jeſus. Conſider what has been ſaid, and the Lord give you Ʋnderſtanding in all things.
His EPITAPH.
Here lies interred
The Body of Mr. John Bigg;
Who departed this Mortal Life,
When he had ſeen his thirty ſeventh Year,
On the twenty eighth Day of January,
Anno Domini, 1689.
Cropt in his full blown Age, if we by Grace
His time compute, he liv'd but five Weeks ſpace.
Dead whilſt alive, in dying Life begins.
Short Race of Life! But what a Crown he wins!
In Sin him Death attacks; but Grace ſteps in,
And makes him Triumph over Death and Sin.
Thus by Chriſt's Death, in death he's made to cry;
Death, where's thy Sting? Grave, where's thy Victory?
Now to the only wiſe God be Glory and Dominion World without end, Amen.
FINIS.
End of the text · Richard Davis, Sermon at Funeral of John Bigg (1691)