Sacred Therapy, Book 2 · Chapter 18
CHAP. XVIII.
Wherein is solved the true converts doubt, whether he be regenerat, because he findeth not self-denyal in the measure which is requisite in converts.
SOme true converts are found, who having for a time injoyed p…eace of conscience, have called their conversion in question by occasion of hearing or reading some sermon of some zealous Preacher pressing the marks of true and sincere conversion, and making self-denyall and loving of God for himself, the main marks of conversion, and without circumspect and wise difference put by him betwixt legall perfection and evangelical sincerity, pressing self-denyal and the loving of God abstractly, further then any Saint doth attain unto in this life. Whereupon some tender souls, do fall in question with themselves, whether they be among the true and sincere converts, because they know that our Lord requireth self-denyall in every person who will follow him, and doth condemn them all for unbelievers who seek glory of men, and not the glory which is of God: And because the Preacher possibly hath made the loving of God for his benefits, to be too too mercenary, and hath pressed without respect to benefits, that God must be loved for himself, therefore the weak convert beginneth to be troubled, as if he were not a true convert at all, saying, what shall I think of my self and of my following of Christ, seing I feel so little of self-denyall in me, seing I have loved Christ for my own good, and many a time in my best actions I have sought the commendation of men in my heart, and I have been ill pleased when I did not obtain it?
2. For solving of this doubt, we grant that every man who will follow Christ, is bound to deny himself: And true it is, there is nothing more difficile then to forsake our own carnall wisdom, and estimation of our own worth, works and abilities how small …oever. Neither is there any more dangerous evil, then in the discharge of Christian duties, to seek or accept our own glory and the applause of men: for he that in this point doth foster his natural corruption, certainly doth not in so far favour these things which are Gods, but serveth his own flesh. Therefore, because the reliques of this and all other sin do remain in the regenerat, the Lord by variety of exercises setteth his children daily to learn this lesson over and over for mortifying their corrupt lusts. It is their duty therefore, when any spark of this evil of self-seeking doth appear, to cast themselves down humbly at Christs feet and confesse the sin, lest some spark of wrath break forth upon them from the Lord. For, the end of this exercise, yea, and the reason of the Lords not removing fully in-dwelling sin, is to humble us, and send us to Christ, least if he should otherwayes deal with us, we should grow proud, and not make such use as becometh us of Gods free grace and Christs righteousnesse imputed to the believer; mean time we must not yield to Sathans tentation, coloured with pretense of Scripture, as if Christ had discharged us to seek any good from him to our selves. or to love him for the good which he hath purchased to us, and which he from time to time bestoweth on us: for, when Christ requireth of us to deny our selves, he requireth indeed the renounciation of our own carnall and corrupt lusts, and confidence in our own wisdom, worth and works. But he doth not require of us to renounce the sanctified love of our own well-being, or the seeking our sanctification, consolation and salvation in him alone; for, the love of God and of his glory, is the main end of all our desires; and the seeking that God would glorifie his own grace and truth in his promises to us by sanctifying, comforting and saving us, is a subordinat mean unto Gods glory: yea, the more we seek our righteousnesse, consolation and salvation in God, through Christ, the more we glorifie God, and do say in substance of God, that he is the fountain of all felicity, and that he is good and faithfull to grant all good things to such as believe in him and do seek grace for grace from him.
3. It is true, that we should love God above all things, and love him more then our selves, and love him though he should slay us; but it is true also, that the more we love him for any cause, the more we esteem of him, the more we magnifie and glorifie him; and what is love to, and seeking of, God, but the acknowledgement of our own emptinesse and his allsufficiency? and what is our seeking communion with him, but a refounding of our selves into the fountain whence we have our being, that he may be glorified in our being, and fully well-being? And so our spiritual love of God for himself and for the goodnesse which is let forth in doing good to us, is not mercenary love, but is the acknowledgement of his perfections and of his grace to us, to whom he will be our God in Christ, even all in all to us in him. As for seeking of mens applause, whensoever, whether upon receiving of any benefit, or discharge of any duty, the corrupt lust of vain glory doth mix it self (which cannot but obscure and hinder the shining of his glory, which should be aimed at in all things by us) incontinent upon the first motion of this our sinfull corruption perceived, let out sin be humbly acknowledged and confessed unto God, the searcher of the heart, and let supplication in our spirit be made unto him, to pardon our sin, and mortifie the bitter root of this and all other evils in us.