A Mirror both for Saints and Sinners, Treatise · Chapter 37
CHAP. XXXVII. Examples about Marriage, and Conjugal Love.
MAn, and wife, are as the two branches in the Prophet Ezekiels hand, inclosed in one barke, and so closing together, that they make but one piece: and therefore marriage is rather a fellowship of the dearest amity, then disordered love: and though before marriage we may endeavour to fit our choice to our minde, yet after, we must fit our minde to our choice: yea though all other contentions betwixt man, and wife are unlawful, yet may they contend each, who should love other most: and the more to quicken us hereunto, observe these Scriptures, and examples following.
Women married, Gen. 20. 12. & 24. 67. & 25. 1. Deut. 22. 22.
Called a meet help, Gen. 2. 18. given into mans bosome, Gen. 16. 5. Mich. 7. 5. appointed of God for man, Gen. 24. 14, 44. the desire of his eyes, Ezek. 24. 26. his companion, Mal. 2. 14. the glory of man, 1 Cor. 11. 8. the weaker vessel. 1 Pet. 3. 7.
They must honour their Husbands, Est. 1. 20. Obey them, Eph. 5. 22, 24. Col. 3. 18. 1 Pet. 3. 1. Tit. 2. 5. Live chastly, 1 Pet. 3. 2. Be of meek and quiet spirits, ver. 4. Do their Husbands good, and not evil, Prov. 31. 12. Be industrious, vers. 17, &c. See the evil of contention, Prov. 19. 13.
A good wife is Gods gift, Prov. 19. 14. & 18. 22. A crowne to her husband, Prov. 12. 4. A help, Pro. 14. 1.
Scriptural examples, Sarah, 1 Pet. 3. 6, Rebecca, The good wife, Prov. 31. Cont. Exod. 4. 25.
Husbands must love their wives, and how, Eph. 5. 25, &c. Col. 3. 19. Instruct them, 1 Cor. 14. 35. Dwell with them according to knowledge, 1 Pet. 3. 7. Commend them when they do well, Prov. 31. 28. yield them due benevolence, 1 Cor 7. 3.
Scriptural examples, Elkanah, 1 Sam. 1. 8. Abraham, Gen. 16. 6. Joseph, Mat. 1. 19.
Other examples: Some Trojans that escaped in the sacking of Troy, took such Ships as they found in the Haven, and putting to sea, were driven by the windes to a part of Tuscany, near that place where Rome now stands, and the men being gone on hunting, the women having been very sea-sick, the noblest of them called Roma, perswaded the other women to set their Ships on fire, that so they might go to sea no more: the men at their returne, finding their Ships burnt, were exceeding angry with their wives, whereupon to pacifie them, they went and kissed them on their mouthes, whence that custome was taken up, which continues till this day of saluting by a kisse. Plut.
The Romanes at the first building of their City, wanting wives, made a great feast, and when as the Sabine virgins came to see their pastimes, they seized upon them, every man catching one for his wife: this was the cause of great, and long Warres between the Sabines and the Romanes: but at last when the two armies were ready to joyn battel, these women ran betwixt them; some of one side, others of the other, with lamentations, and cries stepping between their weapons, and seeking out their fathers, and husbands, with their babes in their armes, and their haire dishevelled, they called sometimes upon the Romanes, other sometimes upon the Sabines, with the movingest expressions they could devise, which so melted the enraged hearts of both Armies that they gave back a little: Then Hersilia that was married to Romulus, and some other of the chiefest women said to the Sabines: What offence have we done to you, that we should deserve such an heap of evils? we were indeed violently, and against Law ravished by those who are now our husbands, but you left us so long with them, that now we are tied to them by the strongest bonds of nature that can be. You came not to our rescue when we were Virgins untouched; but now you come to take the wives from their husbands, and the mothers from their little ones, so that the help which you now think to give us, doth but grieve us more then your former neglect of us: These, and such like speeches brought the two Armies to a parley, during which the women brought their husbands to their parents, and brethren: provided them meat, and drink, dressed their wounds, and carrying them home to their houses, shewed them that they were Mistresses there with their husbands, highly loved, and honoured by them: So that in the end a peace was concluded, and amongst other Articles of agreement these were some: that the Sabine women should remaine with their husbands: that they should be exempted from all service, and work▪ save spinning of wooll: that they should have the upperhand of their husbands: that the men should speak no foule, nor dishonest words, nor discover their nakednesse before them, &c. Plut.
A woman of another Countrey being in talk with Gorgona the wife of Leonidas King of Sparta, said to her, There be no wives in the world that so much love, and commend their husbands as you Lacedemonian wives do: the Queen straight replied, Neither be there any women but we that bring forth men. Plut.
Numa enacted a Law amongst the Romanes, that when any man died, his wife should remaine a widow for the space of ten moneths.
Augustus Caesar died in the kisses of his wife Livia, of whom he took this farewell, Livia, nostri conjugii memor, vive, & vale. She was alwayes exceeding dear to him; and being asked how she kept his love so long, she answered. Quòd diligenter, & prudenter agens, summum adhibuisset studium, ut omnia faceret ex animo Augusti: nec curiose perquisivisset quidquam eorum quae Augustus faceret. Plut.
Portia the daughter of Cato was married to M. Brutus, who having conspired with some others the death of Iulius Caesar, was something melancholy, and troubled in minde about the thing: his wife Portia observing it, and being grieved that her husband should conceale any thing from her, she took a rasour, and wounded her thigh, and losing much blood fell into a feaver: Her husband coming home, and hearing of the sicknesse of his wife, was much grieved, and went to visit her: She taking the opportunity they being alone, said thus unto him: My deare husband, sit down, and let us talke seriously together: when I married you, I came to your house as a wife, not as a friend, or harlot: and gave up my self unto you not onelyonly at bed, and board, but as a companion of all your joy, and sorrows: I am Cato's daughter, and I desire that you will take notice of▪ what stock I come. What therefore shall I complaine of you? truly I cannot do it in other things: onelyonly one thing troubles me, that you make me not a partaker of your secrets, as doubting of my fidelity, and taciturnity, you cannot dissemble with me: I discerne that your minde is full of trouble, and there is some great secret that you are about: Why do you conceale it from me? if you cannot expect help, yet expect comfort from me: and I will assure you of my silence: Do not consider what others of my sex are but remember againe that I am Cato's daughter, and Brutus's wife: either nature from my father, or custome from my husband hath made me valiant, and constant so as not to fear any danger. What need more words? I have made trial of myself by this wound, the smart, and paine whereof I can easily beare: yea, assure your self, that I can die with Brutus, and for my husband. Wherefore if thou art about any honest thing that beseemes us both, do not conceale it from me. Brutus wondring at her courage kissed her, and with his hand lift up to heaven he said, O ye Celestial gods, I pray you make me an husband fit for such a wife: and so discloseth the whole matter to her. Afterwards when she heard of his death after the battel in the Philippic fields, she resolved to die, and being for a while hindred by those about her, she at last snatched some burning coles out of the fire, and putting them into her mouth, and throat, suffocated herself, Lipsius.
See the Example of Zenobia in Fortitude.
Licurgus the Lacedemonian Lawgiver, enacted, that all they should be infamous that would not marry: So that on a time Dercillides a Noble Captaine coming into a place, there was a young man that refused to rise up, and do him reverence; for, said he, Thou hast not gotten a son that may do the like to me in time to come. Plut.
Solon the Athenian Lawgiver ordeined that no joyntures, nor dowries should be given, or made to maides at marriage, commanding that wives should bring to their husbands no more then three gownes, and some other movables of small value: Utterly forbidding that they should buy their husbands, or make merchandize of marriages as of other trades: he willed that men, and women should marry together for issue, pleasure, and love, but not for money. Plut.
Two men being suiters to the daughter of Themistocles, he preferred the honester before the richer, saying, that he had rather have to his sonne in Law a man that wanted goods, then goods that wanted a man▪ Plut.
A Virgin of Lacaena being poore, was demanded, what dower she had to bring to an husband, and to marry her with? she answered: That which was left me as an inheritance from mine Ancestors, viz. Vertue, and Modesty. Hist. of women. p. 331.
It was a custome among the Grecians for the bride to be carried through the streets in a Chariot, the Axeltree whereof at her coming home was taken off, and burned before the gates of her house, to signifie that she must ever after be an houswife, and keepe within as a faithful, and industrious overseer of their domestick affaires, and businesse. Hist. of women. p. 336.
Prince Edward of England whilest he was warring in Palestine against the Turks, was stabbed by an Ass…ssine with a poisoned knife, but by the diligence of his Chirurgions, and the unparallel'd love of his wife, who sucked the poison out of his wounds without doing any hurt to her selfe, he quickly recovered: so sovereigne a medicine is a womans tongue anointed with the vertue of loving affections. Holy Warre.
The Emperour Conrade besieging the City of Winsperge in Germany: and the women perceiving that the Town could not hold out long, petitioned the Emperour that they might depart onelyonly with so much as each of them could carry upon her back, which the Emperour condescended unto, expecting that they would have loaden themselves with silver, gold, &c. but they came all forth with every one her husband on her back, whereby the men were all saved, and their wives gat immortal credit to themselves.
Rubenius Celer would needs have it ingraven on his Tombe, that he had lived with his wife Ennea fourty three years, and eight moneths, and yet they never fell out.
The Lord of Harlem in the Low-countries having by his exactions, and cruelty made himself odious to all his people, was together with his wife besieged in his Castle by them, and so prest for want of victuals that he was compelled to enter into treaty: His wife (a true mirrour of piety, and love towards her husband) amongst other Articles, capitulated that she might have so much of her most precious movables as she could carry out at one time, the which being granted, she (with the help of her chamber maid) carried her husband lockt in a chest out of the Castle: leaving all her rings, and jewels behinde her. Belg. Com. Wealth. p. 55.
In a great battel fought betwixt Selimus the Great Turk, and the Persians, wherein the Turks had the better, amongst the heaps of the slaine Persians, were found the dead bodies of many women, who being armed, and following their husbands, died with them in the battel. Turk. Hist. p. 512.
Antonia Flaxilla, when her husband Priscus was banished by Nero, whereas she might have enjoyed all the abundance, and plenty in Rome, left all the pleasures, and delights of the City to accompany her desolate Lord in his penurious, and uncomfortable banishment. Hist. of women.
A Reverend man seeing a very Cholerick couple that were married together, live very lovingly, and peaceably, asked them how they could so sweetly confort together: to whom the man answered, When my wives fit is upon her, I yield to her, as Abraham did to Sarah: and when my fit is upon me, she yields to me, and so we never strive together, but asunder.
In the Bohemian Persecution we read of the Major of Litomeritia, who apprehended twenty four godly Citizens, of whom his own sonne in Law was one, and after he had almost pined them in prison, he adjudged them to be drowned in the river Albis, whereupon his daughter wringing her hands, and falling at her fathers feet besought him to spare her husband: but he, harder then a rock, bade her hold her peace, saying, What? can you not have a worthier husband then this? to which she answered, You shall never more espouse me to any, and so beating her breast, & tearing her haire she followed her husband to the river, and when he was cast into the middest of the river bound, she leaped in, and caught him about the middle, but being unable to draw him forth, they were both drowned together, and the next day were found embracing one another. See my Gen. Martyr. p. 151.
A young and beautiful maide was matched to a man stricken in years: whom after she found to have a very fulsome, and diseased body, yet (out of conscience being by Gods providence become his wife) she most worthily digested with incredible patience, and contentment, the languishing, and loath somenesse of an husband continually visited with variety of most irkesome, and infectious diseases: and though friends, and Physicians advised her by no means to come neere him for feare of danger, and infection: yet she, passing by with a loving disdaine, and contempt these unkinde disswasions, plied him still night and day with extraordinary tendernesse, and care, and services of all sorts above her strength, and ability: she was to him friends, Physician, Husband, Nurse: yea, she was Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, Daughter, every thing, any thing to do him good any manner of way: she was full of merciful and melting affections towards him: for falling into want, by reason of extraordinary expence, and excessive charges about him, she sold her Chaines, Rings, and richest Attire: she emptied her cupboard of Plate, her Chabinet of chiefest and choisest Jewels to do him good: and when he was dead, and friends came about her, rather to congratulate her happy riddance, then to bewaile her widowhood, she did not onelyonly abhorre, and deprecate all speeches tending that way, but protested if it were possible, she would willingly redeeme her husbands life with the losse of her five dearest children: and though as yet the flower, and prime of her beautifullest, and best time was not expired, yet she strongly resolved against a second match, Because (said she) I shall not finde a second Valdaura, for so her husband was called. Vives, Lib. 2. De Christiana foemina. pag. 360.
An unnatural Husband.
In the time of the fourth Persecution there was in Egypt a woman married to an husband that was given much to the sinne of uncleannesse, which when by no meanes she could reforme in him, she sued out a bill of Divorce, whereupon this wretched man went and accused her to the Governour that she was a Christian, and so caused her to be put to death.
A Wife murthering her Husband.
Semiramis the wife of Ninus being very witty, and beautiful woman, whom her husband loved exceedingly, as she was one day in discourse with him, told him that she was exceeding desirous of a thing: yet because of the greatnesse of it, she durst not discover it, nor could hope to prevaile: Ninus not fearing her subtilty, báde her tell him what it was: She answered, that he should deliver to her the Government of his Empire for five dayes: which when she had obtained, she caused her husband to be slaine, and so usurped the Government of the Empire into her own hands. Diod. Sic.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it.
Cant. 8. 7.