Christian Behavior, Section 5
The Duty of Wives.
But passing the Master of the Family I shall speak a Word or two to those that are under him.
And first to the Wife; The Wife i… bound by the Law to her Husband, so long as her Husband liveth, Rom. 7. 2. Wherefore she also hath her work and place in the family, as well as the rest.
Now there are these things considerable in the carriage of a Wife toward her Husband, which she ought conscientiously to observe.
First, That she look upon him as her head and lord. The head of the woman is the man. And so Sara called Abraham Lord; 1 Cor. 11. 3. 1 Pet. 3. 6.
Secondly, She should therefore be subject to him as is fit in the Lord. The Apostle saith, That the Wife should submit her self to her Husband, as to the Lord, 1 Pet. 3. 1. Col. 3. 18. Ephes. 5. 22. I told you before, that if the husband doth walk towards his wife as becomes him, he will therein be such an ordinance of God to her, besides the relation of an husband, that shall preach to her the carriage of Christ to his Church. And now I say also, that the wife, if she walk with her husband as becomes her, she shall preach the Obedience of the Church to her husband. Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands i… every thing, Ephes. 5. 24.
Now for thy performing of this work thou must first shun these evils.
1. The evil of a wandering and a go… soping spirit: this is evil in the Church and is evil also in a wife, who is the figur… of a Church. Christ loveth to have hi… Spouse keep at home; that is, to be wit… him in the Faith and practice of hi… things, not ranging and medling wit… the things of Satan: no more should wives be given to wander and gossop a broad: You know that Prov. 7. 11. saith She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide n… in her house.
Wives should be about their own husbands business at home: As the Apostl… saith, Let them be discreet, chaste, keepers a home, good, obedient to their own husbands And why? because otherwise the Word … God will be blasphemed, Tit. 2. 5.
2. Take heed of an idle, talking, o… brangling tongue. This also is odious either in maids or wives, to be like Pa… ra…s, not bridling their tongue; where … the wife should know, as I said before, …at her husband is her lord, and is over …r as Christ is over the Church. Do you …ink it is seemly for the Church to par…t it against her Husband? is she not … be silent before him, and to look to his …aws rather than her own fictions? Why …, saith the Apostle, ought the wife to car…it towards her husband. Let the woman, …ith Paul, learn in silence with all subjecti…: but I suffer not a woman to teach, or to …urp authority over the man, but to be in …ence, 1 Tim. 2. 11, 12.
It is an unseemly thing to see a woman, … much as once in all her life-time, to …fer to over-top her husband; she ought … every thing to be in subjection to him, …d to do all she doth, as having her war…nt, licence, and authority from him. …nd indeed here is her glory, even to be …ider him as the Church is under Christ. …ow she openeth her mouth in Wisdom, and … her tongue is the Law of kindness, Pro. …1. 26.
3. Take heed of affecting immodest …parel, or a wanton gate, this will be evil both abroad and at home; abroad will not only give evil example, but so tend to tempt to lust & lasciviousn… and at home 'twill give an offence … godly Husband, and be cankering to … godly Children, &c. Wherefore, as sa… the Apostle, Let womens apparel be mo… as becometh women professing Godliness … Good Works, 1 Tim. 2. 10. not with b… dered hair, or Gold or Pearls, or co…aray. And as 'tis said again, Whose … dorning, let it not be that outward adorni… of plaiting the hair, and of wearing gold, … of putting on of apparel; but let it be hidden man of the heart, in that which not corruptible, even the ornament of a m… and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of G… of great price: For after this manner in a time, the holy women also, who trusted God, adorned themselves, being in subject… on to their own husbands, 1 Pet. 3. 3, 4, 5, …
But yet, do not think that by the su…jection I have here men…ned, that I intend women should be their husban… slaves. Women are their husbands yo… fellows, their flesh and their bones; a… … is not a man that hateth his own flesh, … that is bitter against it, Ephes. 5. 29. Wherefore let every man love his wife as himself: and the wife see that she reverence her husband, Ephes. 5. 33.
The wife is master next her husband, and is to rule all in his absence; yea, in his presence she is to guide the house, to bring up the Children, provided she so … it, as the adversary have no occasion … speak reproachfully; 1 Tim. 5. 10, 13. … Who can find a vertuous woman; for her price is far above Rubies. A gracious woman retaineth honour, and guideth her affaires with discretion, Prov. 31. 10. Prov. …, 16. Prov. 12. 4.
Object. But my husband is an unbeliever, what shall I do?
Answ. If so then, what I have said before lyeth upon thee with an ingagement so much the stronger. For first, …y husband being in this condition, he …ll be watchful to take thy slips and in…mities, to throw them as dirt in the …e of God and thy Saviour, 2. He will be apt to make the worst of … one of thy words, carriages and gestur… 3. And all this doth tend to the po…sing his heart with more hardness, p…dice, and opposition to his own salv…on. Wherefore, as Peter saith, ye w… be in subjection to your own husbands; … if any obey not the word, they may also w…out the word be won by the conversati… the wives, while they behold your c… conversation coupled with fear, 1 Pet. 3… 2. Thy husbands salvation or dam…tion lyeth much in thy deportment… behaviour before him: wherefore if th… be in thee any fear of God, or love thy husband, seek, by a carriage full… meekness, modesty, holiness, and a hu…ble behaviour before him, to win him the love of his own salvation; and thus doing, how knowest thou, O wom… but thou shalt save thy husband, 1 Cor. … 16.
Object. But my husband is not only unbeliever, but one very froward, peev… and teasty, yea, so froward, &c. that I k… not how to speak to him, or behave my… before him.
Answ. Indeed there are some wives … great slavory by reason of their ungod…y husbands; and as such should be pit…ed and prayed for, so they should be …o much the more watchful and circum…pect in all their wayes.
1. Therefore be thou very faithful …o him in all the things of this life.
2. Bare with patience his unruly and …nconverted behaviour: thou art alive; …e is dead: thou art principled with Grace; he with Sin. Now then, see…ng Grace is stronger than Sin, and Ver…e than Vice, be not overcome with …is vileness, but overcome that with thy …ertues, Rom. 12. 21. 'Tis a shame for …ose that are gracious, to be as lavishing … their words, &c. as those that are …raceless. They that are slow to wrath, …re of great understanding: but they that …re hasty in spirit, exalt folly, Prov. 14. …9.
3. Thy wisdom therefore, if at any …e thou hast a desire to speak to thy …sband for his conviction concerning …y thing either good or evil, it is to observe convenient times and seasons.
There is a time to keep silence, and a … to speak, Eccles. 3. 7.
Now for the right timing thy inten…ons.
Consider first his disposition, and ta… him when he is farthest off of those fil… passions that are thy affliction. Abig… would not speak a word to her chur… husband tell his wine was gone fo… him, and he in a sober temper, 1 Sa… 25. 36, 37. The want of this observ…on, is the cause why so much is spok… and so little effected.
2. Take him at those times when … hath his heart taken with thee, and wh… he sheweth tokens of love and deli… in thee. Thus did Esther with the Ki… her husband, and prevailed, Est. 5. 3, … and 7. 1, 2.
3. Observe when convictions seize… his conscience, and then follow the… with sound and grave sayings of the Scri…tures. Somewhat like to this dealt M…noah's wife with her husband, Judg. 1… 22, 23. Yet then,
1. Let thy words be few.
2. And none of them savouring of a lording it over him, but speak thou still as to thy head and lord, by way of intreaty and beseeching.
3. And that in such a spirit of simpathy & bowels of affection after his good, that the manner of thy speech and behaviour in speaking, may be to him an argument that thou speakest in love, as being sensible of his misery, and inflamed in thy soul with desire after his conversion.
4. And follow thy words and behaviours with Prayers to God for his soul.
5. Still keeping thy self in a holy, chaste and modest behaviour before him.
Object. But my husband is a sot, a fool, and one that hath not wit enough to follow his outward imployment in the world.
Answ. First, though all this be true, yet thou must know he is, thy head, thy lord, and thy husband.
2. Therefore thou must take heed of desiring to usurp authority over him, he was not made for thee; that is, for thee to have dominion over him, but to be thy husband, and to rule over thee, 1 Tim. 2▪ 12. 1 Cor. 1. 3, 8.
3. Wherefore, though in truth thou mayest have more discretion than he, ye… thou oughtest to know, that thou wit… all that is thine, is to be used as under th… husband, even every thing, Ephes. 5. 24.
Take heed therefore, that what thou dost, goes not in thy name, but his; not to thy exaltation, but his; carrying all things so, by thy dexterity and prudence that not one of thy husbands weaknesses be discovered to others by thee. A vertuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that causeth shame, is as rottennes… to his bones. For then, as the Wise ma… saith, She will do him good, and not evil, … the dayes of her life, Prov. 12. 4. Prov. 31. 14.
4. Therefore act, and do still, as being under the power and authority of th… husband.
Now touching thy carriage to thy Chi…dren and Servants.
Thou art a Parent and a Mistris, and so thou oughtest to demean thy self.
And besides, seeing the believing woman is a figure of the Church, she ought, as the Church, to nourish and instruct her Children and Servants, as the Church, that she may answer in that particular also: and truly, the wife being alwayes at home, she hath great advantage that way; wherefore do it, and the Lord prosper your proceeding.