Christian Behavior, Section 1 – Section 2
Touching the Master of a Family.
If thou have under thee a Family then thou art to consider the several re…lations thou standest under; and art t… know, that thou in each of them hast… work to do for God; and that he expect…eth thy faithful Deportment under eve…ry one of them. As,
First then in general, He that is th… Master of a Family, he hath, as unde… that relation, a work to do for God; t… wit, The right governing of his own Fa…mily; and his work is twofold.
1. Touching the spiritual State there…of.
2. Touching the outward.
As touching the spiritual State of hi… Family; He ought to be very diligen… and circumspect, doing his utmost indeavour, both to increase Faith where it is begun, and to begin it where it is not.
Wherefore to this end, he ought diligently and frequently to lay before his houshold such things of God, out of his Word, as are sutable for each particular: and let no man question his Rule in the Word of God for such a practice; for if the thing it self were but of good report, and a thing tending to civil-honesty, it is within the compass and bounds even of nature it self, and ought to be done, much more things of a higher nature: Besides, the Apostle exhorts us to, Whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are true, just, and of good report, to think of them, that is, to be mindful to do them, Phil. 4. 8. But to be conversant in this Godly Exercise in our Family, is very worthy of praise, and doth much become all Christians. This is one of the things for which God so highly commended his Servant Abraham, and that with which his heart was so much affected: I know Abraham, saith God, (I know him to be a good man in very deed) for he wi… command his Children and his Houshold af…ter him, and they shall keep the way of th… Lord, Gen. 18. 19. This was a thing als… which good Joshua designed should b… his practice as long as he had a breathin… time in this world: As for me, saith he and my houshold, we will serve the Lord Josh. 24. 15.
Further. We find also in the New Testament, that they are looked upon a… Christians of an inferior rank that have not a due regard to this Duty, yea, so inferior, as not fit to be chosen to any office in the Church of God. A Pastor mus… be one that ruleth well his own house, having his Children in subjection with all gravity For if a man knoweth not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the Church of God? The Deacon also, saith he, mus… be the husband of one wife; ruling their Children and their own house well, 1 Tim. 3. Mark a little, the Apostle seems to lay down thus much, that a man that govern… his family well, hath one qualification belonging to a Pastor or Deacon in the House of God (For he that knoweth not …ow to rule his own house, how shall he take …are of the Church of God?) which thing considered, it giveth us light into the work of the Master of a Family, touch…ng the governing of his house.
1. Then a Pastor must be sound and …ncorrupt in his Doctrine: and indeed …o must the Master of a Family, Tit. 1. 9. Ephes. 6. 4.
2. A Pastor should be apt to teach, to reprove, and to exhort: and so should the Master of a Family, 1 Tim. 3. 2. Deut. 6. 7.
3. A Pastor must himself be exemplary in Faith and Holiness: and so also should the Master of a Family, 1 Tim. 3. 2, 3, 4. & 4. 12.
I, saith David, will behave my self in a perfect way; I will walk in (or before) my house in a perfect way, Psal. 101. 2.
4. The Pastor is for getting the Church together, and when they are so come together, then to pray among them, and to preach unto them: this is also commendable in Christian Masters of Families.
Object. But my Family is ungodly … unruly, touching all that is good, What sh… I do?
Answ. I answer, first, Though this… true, yet thou must rule them, and n… they thee: Thou art set over them… God, and thou art to use the authori… which God hath given thee, both to r…buke their vice, and to shew them th… evil of their rebelling against the Lor… This did Eli, though not enough; an… thus did David, 1 Sam. 2. 24, 25. 1 Chro… 28. 9.
Also, thou must tell them how sad th… state was when thou wast in their cond…tion, and so labour to recover them o… of the snare of the Devil, Mark. 5. 19…
2. Thou oughtest also tolabour … draw them forth to God's publick Wor…ship, if peradventure God may conver… their souls. Saith Jacob to his houshol… and to all that were about him, Let us ari… and go to Bethel, and I will make there a… Altar to God, that answered me in the d… of my distress, Gen. 35. 3.
Hannah would carry Samuel to Sh… that he might abide with God for ever, Sam. 1. 22. Indeed a soul rightly touch…d, will labour to draw, not only their …amilies, but a whole City after Jesus …hrist, John 4. 28, 29.
3. If they are obstinate and will not …o forth with thee, then do thou get god… and sound Men to thy house, and there …et the Word of God be preached, when …hou hast, as Cornelius, gathered thy Fami…y and Friends together, Acts 10.
You know that the Jayler, Lydia, Cris…us, Gaius, Stephanus, and others, had not …nly themselves, but their Families made …racious by the Word …reached, and that …ome of them, if not all, by the Word preached in their houses, Acts. 16. 14, …5, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34. Acts …8. 7, 8. 1 Cor. 1. 16. And this, for ought … know, might be one reason among ma…y, why the Apostles taught in their day, …ot only publickly, but from house to …ouse. I say, that they might, if possible, …ring in those in some family, which yet …emained unconverted and in their sins, Acts 5. 24. & 20. 20, 21, for some you know, how usual it was in the day… Christ, to invite Him to their houses, they had any afflicted, that either wou… not or could not come to him; Luke… 2, 3. & 8. 41.
If this be the way with those that hav… outward diseases in their Families, ho… much more then where there is souls th… have need of Christ to save them fro… Death and eternal Damnation?
4. Take heed that thou do not negle… family Duties among them thy self as reading the Word, and Prayer; … thou hast one in thy Family that is gr…cious, take incouragement; nay, if tho… art alone, yet know thou hast both liber…ty to go to God thorow Christ; and al… art at that time in a capacity of having th… universal Church joyn with thee, for th… whol number of those that shal be save….
5. Take heed that thou suffer not an… ungodly, prophane, or heretical Books o… Discourse in thy house: Evil Communi…cation corrupts good Manners, 1 Cor. 15… 33. I mean, such prophane, or heretica… Books, &c. as either tend to provoke t… …osness of life, or such as do oppose the …ndamentals of the Gospel.
I know, that Christians must be allow…d their liberty as to things indifferent; …ut for those things that strike at either …aith or Holiness, they ought to be a…andoned by all Christians, and especi…ly by the Pastors of Churches, and Ma…ers of Families: which practice was …gured out by Jacobs commanding his …use, and all that was with him, to put away …e strange gods from among them, and to …ange their garments, Gen. 35. 1, 2.
Also those in the Acts set a good ex…mple for this, who took their curious …ooks and burned them before all men, …ough they was worth five thousand pie…es of Silver, Acts 19. 18, 19.
The neglect of this fourth particular …ath occasioned ruin in many Families, …oth among Children and Servants. It … easier for vain talkers, and their deceive…le works, to subvert whole housholds, than …any are aware of, Tit. 1. 10, 11.
Thus much touching the spiritual State … thy Houshold.
And now to its outward.
Touching the outward state of thy …mily, thou art to consider these th… things;
First, That it lyeth upon thee to c… for them that they have a convenie… livelyhood. If any man provide not for … own, and especially for those of his own hou… he hath denied the Faith, and is worse th… an infidel, 1 Tim. 5. 8. But mark, wh… the Word saith, thou art to provide … thy house, it giveth thee no license … distracting carefulness, neither doth … allow thee to strive to grasp the World … thy heart or Coffers, nor to take care f… years or dayes to come, but so to pr…vide for them, that they may have fo… and raiment; and if either they or tho… be not content with that, you lanch o… beyond the Rule of God, 1 Tim. 6. … Mat. 6. 34. This is to labour, that you … have wherewith to maintain good Works … necessary uses, Tit. 3. 14.
And never object, that unless you rea… further it will never do, for that is … unbelief. The Word saith, That G… …edeth Ravens, careth for Sparrows, and loatheth the Grass; in which three, to feed, loath, and care for, is as much as heart an wish, Luke. 12. 6, 24, 27, 28.
Secondly, Therefore though thou shouldst …rovide for thy Family, yet let all thy …abour be mixed with moderation. Let our moderation be known to all men, Phil. …. 5. Take heed of driving so hard after his World, as to hinder thy self and fa…ily from those Duties towards God, which thou art by Grace obliged to; as …rivate Prayer, reading the Scriptures, …nd Christian Conference. It is a base …hing for men so to spend themselves, and …amilies after this World, as that they …isingage their hearts to God's Worship. … Christians. The time is short: It remain…th then, that they that have Wives be as …hose that have none; and they that weep, … though they wept not; and they that re…yce, as though they rejoyced not; and they …hat use this world, as not abusing it; for …e fashion of this world passeth away, 1 Cor. …. 29, 30, 31.
Many Christians live, and do, in this world, as if Religion were but a by-bi… ness, and this World the one thing nece… sary; when indeed all the things of … world are but things by the by; and R…ligion only the one thing needful, Luk… 10. 40, 41. 42.
Thirdly, If thou wouldst be such a M… ster of a Family as becomes thee, th… must see that there be that Christi… Harmony among those under thee, as b… comes that house where one ruleth th… feareth God. 1. Thou must look that t… Children & Servants be under subject… on to the Word of God: for though it of God only to rule the heart, yet he e… pecteth that thou shouldst rule their ou… ward man; which if thou dost not, he m… in short time cut off all, of thy stock, that p… seth against the wall, 1 Sam. 3. 11, 12, 1… 14. See therefore that thou keep the temperate in all things, in Apparrel, … Language, that they be not Glutteno… nor Drunkards; not suffering either t… Children vainly to domineer over t… Servants, nor they again to carry the…selves foolishly towards each other.
2. Learn to distinguish between that injury that in thy Family is done to thee, and that which is done to God: and though thou oughtest to be very zealous for the Lord, and to bear nothing that is open transgression to Him, yet here will be thy wisdom to pass by personal injuries, and to bury them in oblivion. Love covereth the multitude of sins. Be not then like those that will rage and stare like mad-men when they are injured; and yet either laugh, or at least not soberly rebuke, and warn, when God is dishonoured.
Rule thy own house well, having thy Children (with others in thy Family) in subjection with all gravity, 1 Tim. 3. 4.
Solomon was so excellent (sometimes) this way, that he made the eyes of his beholders to dazzle, 2 Chron. 9. 3, 4.
But to break off from this general and to come to particulars.
First, Hast thou a Wife? thou mu… consider how thou oughtest to behave th… self under that relation: And to do this … right, thou must consider the condition … thy wife, whether she be one that indee… believeth, or not: … she believeth,The Duty of Husbands to believing Wives. The… First, Thou art eng…ged to bless God fo… her, For her price is far above Rubies, an… she is the Gift of God unto thee, and is f… thy adorning and glory, Prov. 12. 4. Prov… 31. 10. 1 Cor. 11. 7. Favour is decei… ful, and beauty is vain; but a Woman th… feareth the Lord, she shall be praised, Prov… 31. 30.
Secondly, Thou oughtest to love he under a double consideration; 1. As sh… is thy flesh and thy bone (For …ev… [Man] yet hated his own flesh, Ephes. 5… 29.) 2. As she is together with thee a… heir of the Grace of Life, 1 Pet. 3. … This I say, should engage thee to lov… her with Christian Love; to love her as believing you both are dearly belov… of God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, an… as those that must be together with him in Eternal happiness.
Thirdly, Thou oughtest so to carry thy self to, and before her, as doth Christ, to, and before his Church; as saith the Apostle, So ought men to love their wives, even as Christ loved the Church, and gave himself for it, Ephes. 5. 25. When husbands behave themselves like husbands indeed, then will they be not only husbands, but such an Ordinance of God to the wife, as will preach to her the carriage of Christ to his Spouse. There is a sweet scent wrapped up in the relations of husbands and wives (Ephes. 5. 32.) that believe. The wife, I say, signifying the Church, and the husband the head and saviour thereof; Ephes. 5. 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even a Christ is the head of the Church; and He is the Saviour of the body.
This is one of God's chief ends in instituting Marriage, that Christ and his Church, under a figure, might be whereever there is a couple that believe through Grace.
Wherefore that husband that carrieth it undiscreetly toward his wife, he doth not only behave himself contrary to the Rule, but also maketh his Wife lose the benefit of such an Ordinance, and crosseth the mystery of this Relation. Therefore, I say, So ought men to love their Wives as their own bodies: He that loveth his Wife, loveth himself; for no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, Christ laid out his life for his Church; covereth her infirmities; communicates to her his Wisdom, protecteth her, and helpeth he in her imployments in this world: and so ought men to do for their Wives.even as the Lord the Church, Ephes. 5. 28, 29.
Solomon, and Pharaoh's Daughter, had the art of thus doing, as you may see in the Book of Canticles.
Wherefore bear with their weaknesses, help their infirmities, and honor them as the weaker vessels, and as being of a frailer constitution, 1 Pet. 3. 7.
In a word, be such a Husband to thy believing Wife, that she may say, God hath not only given me a husband, but such a Husband, as preacheth to me every day the Carriage of Christ to his Church.
2. If thy Wife be unbelieving or carnal,The duty of Husbands to unbelieving Wives. then thou hast also a duty lying before thee, which thou art ingaged to perform under a double ingagement. 1. For that she lyeth liable every moment to eternal Damnation. 2. That she is thy Wife that is in this evil case.
Oh! how little sense of the worth of Souls is there in the hearts of some Husbands, as is manifest by their unchristian carriage, to, and before their Wives.
Now, to qualifie thee for a Carriage suitable,
1. Labour seriously after a sense of her miserable state, that thy bowels may yearn towards her soul.
2. Beware that she take no occasion from any unseemly carriage of thine, to proceed in evil; and here thou hast need to double thy diligence, for she lieth in thy bosome, and therefore is capable of espying the least miscarriage in thee.
3. If she behave her self unseemly and unruly, as she is subject to do, being Christless & Graceless, then labour thou to overcome her Evil with thy Goodness, her Frowardness with thy Patience and Meekness: it is a shame for thee who hast an other principle, to do as she.
4. Take fit opportunities to convince her; observe her disposition, and when she is most likely to bear, then speak to her very heart.
5. When thou speakest, speak to purpose; 'tis no matter for many words, provided they be pertinent. Job in a few words answers his Wife, and takes her off from her foolish talking; Thou speakest, saith he, like one of the foolish women; shall we receive good at the hands of God, and shall we not receive evil? Job 2. 10.
6. Let all be done without rancor, or the least appearance of anger; With meekness instruct those that oppose themselves, if peradventure they may recover themselves out of the snare of the Devil, who are taken captive by him at his will, 2 Tim. 2. 25, 26.
And how knowest thou, O man, but thou mayest save thy Wife, 1 Cor. 7. 16.
Touching Parents.
IF thou art a Parent, a Father or a Mother, then thou art to consider thy Calling under this Relation.
Thy Children have souls, and they must be begotten of God as well as of thee, or they perish.
And know also, that unless thou be very circumspect in thy behaviour, to, and before them, they may perish through thee: the thoughts of which should provoke thee, both to instruct, and also to correct them.
1. To instruct them as the Scripture saith, and to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord; and to do this diligently when thou sittest in thy house, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up, Ephes. 6. 4. Deut. 6. 7.
Now to do this to purpose.
First, Do it in terms and words, easie to be understood: affect not high expressions, they will drown your Children. Thus God spake to his Children, and Paul to his, Hos. 12. 10. 1 Cor. 3. 2.
Secondly, Take heed of filling their heads with Whimzies, and unprofitable Notions; for this will sooner learn them to be malepert and proud, than sober and humble. Open therefore to them the state of man by nature: discourse with them of Sin, of Death, and Hell; of a crucified Saviour, and the Promise of Life through Faith. Train up a Child in the Way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it, Prov. 22. 6.
Thirdly, There must be much Gentleness and Patience in all thy instructions, lest they be discouraged, Col. 3. 21.
And fourthly, Labour to convince them by a Conversation answerable, that the things of which thou instructest them, are not febles, but Realities, yea, and Realities so far above what can be here enjoyed, that all things, were they a thousand times better than they are, are not worthy to be compared with the Glory and Worthyness of these things.
Isaac was so holy before his Children, that when Jacob remembred God, he remembred that he was the fear of his Father Isaac. Gen. 31. 53.
Ah! when Children can think of their Parents, and bless God for that instruction and good they have received from them, this is not only profitable for Children, but honourable and comfortable to Parents. The Father of the Righteous shall greatly rejoyce; and he that begetteth a wise Child, shall have joy of him, Prov. 23. 24, 25.