A Gold Chain of Directions, Text
A Gold Chain OF DIRECTIONS, WITH Twenty Gold Linkes of Love, to preſerve Love between Husband and Wife.
FIrſt, The firſt Direction, or gold link of Love.To preſerve Conjugal Love between Husband and Wife; the Spirit of God in Sacred Scripture directs, That a ſpecial Care be taken in the choice of a Wife, or of a Husband; Beza upon that place, Non ut Arabs interpres, &c. ſed religioſè & cum Dei timore. So Mr. Calvin, Benedictus Aretius & Pareus.according to the Rule of the bleſſed Apoſtle St. Paul, (1 Cor. 7.39.) That they marry in the Lord; That is, not only a Chriſtian by Profeſſion, and not an Infidel; as an Arabian Interpreter conceiveth (which Mr. Beza noteth). But religiouſly, and in the fear of God, as other godly and learned Divines judge. That in their choice they reſpect a Religion; for thus Marriages are Contracted more proſperouſly, and a bleſſing may be expected, when the married parties both fear God. Such being pronounced bleſſed by the Holy Ghoſt, Pſal. 112.1. Bleſſed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in his Commandements: His ſeed ſhall be mighty upon Earth, the Congregation of the upright ſhall be bleſſed: Wealth and Riches ſhall be in his houſe, and his righteouſneſſe endure for ever. And again, Pſal. 128. The ſame Prophet King David ſpeaketh the ſame in effect, inſpired by the Holy Ghoſt, 2 Pet. 1.20, 21.Bleſſed is every one that feareth the Lord, that walketh in his wayes; for thou ſhalt eat the labour of thy hands, happy ſhalt thou be, and it ſhall be well with thee: Thy wife ſhall be as the fruitful Vine by the ſides of thy houſe; thy Children like the Olive plants, round about thy Table: Behold, that thus ſhall the man be bleſſed that feareth the Lord; the Lord ſhall bleſs thee out of Zion, and thou ſhalt ſee the good of Jeruſalem all the dayes of thy life; yea, thou ſhalt ſee thy childrens children, and peace upon Iſrael. Thus an excellent bleſſing comes to them that fear God; But on the contrary part, when the Man or Woman is an Idolater, Atheiſtical, Prophane or Deboiſt; without the fear of God, any way wicked by Education, Cuſtome, or Condition, a Curſe may rather be expected then a Bleſſing, That Kingly Preacher, Eccleſ. 8.12, 13. giveth this evidence, That although a Sinner do evil an hundred times, and his dayes be prolonged; yet I know it ſhall be well with them that fear God, which reverence before him: But it ſhall not be well with the wicked, neither ſhall he prolong his dayes, which are as a ſhadow; becauſe he feareth not before God. It fell out thus with the old World, Gen. 6.1, 2, 3. &c.when the Sons of God, the Children of religious Parents, Members of the Church did ſee the Daughters of Men that they were fair; Gen 7.1, 3.that is, the Poſterities of Prophane and that wicked Cain; and they that were, or ſhould have been Gods Children, made choice of theſe prophane irreligious Wives; they provoked God to anger, and he brought in the Flood upon the world of the Ungodly, 2 Pet. 2.5.to their Deſtruction; only religious Noah and his Family were ſaved alive in the Ark. Gen. 7.23.Again, prophane Eſau, Gen. 24.63.the Son of religious Iſaac, by the evil choice of his Wives, was a grief of mind to his aged Parents Iſaac and Rebecka; Gen. 26.34, 35.and too many ſuch like Marriages we read of in holy Scriptures, 1 King. 11.1, 2, 3.to have been in the World; as you may find at full if you ſearch the Sacred Records. 2 Kings 8.26, 27.And how odious ſuch Marriages are to God, you may find declared by the Prophet Mal. 2.11, 12. And yet how many ſuch are in the World? Families, where ſcarce a form of Religion is to be found; Strangers from prayers to God, nor Morning, nor Evening Prayer to be heard; although God reneweth his Mercies every Morning, Lamen. 3.22, 23.and continueth his goodneſs to the Night: Though he declare his moſt gracious Prefence with us, Exod. 13.21.as it were by a Pillar of a Cloud by Day, and a Pillar of Fire by Night; although God hath been a Defence to their Tabernacles, and they have dwelt ſafely by his goodneſs; yet how many are there who little or nothing take notice of theſe daily Mercies, or obſerve Gods goodneſſe to glorifie him. How far unlike are theſe in this to bleſſed Daniel, Daniel 6.10.or religious King David, Pſal. Pſal. 55.17.55. who kept acquaintance with God three times a day; At morning, and evening, and noon day will I pray, and that instantly, and he ſhall hear my voice, &c. And therefore they are ſtrangers from God, when they ſhould ſtand in need of his help, and want that good which they might enjoy by keeping acquaintance with God, of which Eliphaz doth witneſs, Job 22.21. That gracious practice of ſecret Prayer which our Saviour directs unto, Mat. 6.6. Thou, when thou prayeſt enter into thy Cloſet, and ſhut to thy door, and pray to thy Father in ſecret; and thy Father which ſeeth in ſecret ſhall reward thee openly. How many ſpend ſo much time openly in vain, that they have no leiſure for ſecret Devotions, to read and meditate of heavenly things, which pertain to eternity, or to poure out their Souls as Hannah did to God in Prayer. 1 Sam. 1.15.Alas, if ſins of omiſſion were the only irreligiouſneſs or prophaneneſs in ſome Families, it were leſſe, although for theſe men ſhall be called to an account at the Day of the laſt Judgment, witneſs what our Bleſſed Lord and Saviour declareth, Mat. 25.41, 42. But their ſins of Commiſſion, common breach of Gods Commandements, witneſs little fear of God to be before their eyes; What common ſwearing, and taking of Gods name in vain, forgetting that God threatens he will not hold ſuch guitleſſe that take his Name in vain, Exod. 20.7. or did men remember that of the Lord, by the Prophet Jer. 5.7. How ſhall I Pardon thee for this, thy Children have forſaken me, and ſworn by them that are no Gods. Men, yea Children, would not ſwear ſo commonly by thoſe things which they themſelves will confeſſe are no Gods: How difficult a thing is it to hire a Servant from amongſt the common ſort of People, Read Rom. 12.14. Pſal. 109.17, 18. And Mat. 5.34, 35, 36, 37. James 5.12.but they are Swearers or Curſers, or both, and ſo Gods Name is diſhonoured. Children learn of Parents to be irreligious, and this too often amongſt the Rich as well as Poor; I ſay but little of that common ſin too often in greater Families, inticing men to Drunkenneſs, by that ſpecious pretence of pledging Healths of Friends; preſſing men in Drink, Read Hab: 2:2.15, 16. A dreadful Woe to ſuch.contrary to that Law and Practice of that Moral Prince, King Ahaſuerus, that none ſhould compel to Drink, Heſter 2.8. But every one be free to drink what he pleaſed: a ſhame to men that profeſſe themſelves Chriſtians. I know in divers great Families, there is civility, if not a religious reſpect to avoid theſe ſins; But when theſe abound, and men, or women raſhly unite themſelves in Marriage, what hope of conſtant happy Love to continue between Husband and Wife during life?
I proceed to a ſecond Gold-link of Love between Husband and Wife, The ſecond Gold-link of Love.that in choice of a Wife or Husband, as reſpect is to be had for likeneſſe and agreement in Religion, ſo likewiſe to equality, or likeneſs of qualities, and conditions as near as poſſible.
For as St. Paul adviſeth not to be unequally yoaked with Unbelievers, ſo he preſſeth his Counſel with a good Argument: What fellowſhip (ſaith he) hath righteouſneſs with unrighteouſneſs, and what Communion hath Light with Darkneſs, (2 Cor. 6.14.) So even right reaſon will inſtruct us, and daily experience witneſs, that contrary Diſpoſitions of nature, or too great inequalities, ſeldom live comfortably together; as Fire and Water will not agree, the one exſiccateth or quencheth the other. But like rejoyceth, and delighteth with the like. Obſerve this Rule then, for this is a ſecond Direction or Gold-link of Love, to preſerve Love between Husband and Wife.
A third Direction, A third Direction, or Gold-link of Love.or Gold-link of Love followeth: And this is, That ſome fit reſpect be had to the age of the Parties to be married; for a young man of twenty to marry an old woman man of above three-ſcore, or for an old man of fourſcore to marry a young woman under twenty, is not agreeable; becauſe one chief end of Marriage is in danger to be fruſtrate, Gen. 1.27, 28.which is Poſterity to be brought up in the fear and admonition of the Lord, as Sr. Paul intimateth, (Epheſ. 6.4.) Although it is more fit for a very old man to marry a young woman in hope of Poſterity, then for a very old woman paſt child-bearing, to marry a young man. Equality and conveniency do beſt agree together for the preſervation of Conjugal Love between Husband and Wife; and this is a third Gold-Link in this Gold Chain of Direction, to keep and bind Love faſt between Husband and Wife during their Lives.
The fourth Direction, A fourth Direction, or Gold-link of love.or Gold-Link of Love in a marriage Union; there ought to be likeneſſe and agreement of affection, a mutual love and likeing of each others perſons and qualities, and a knitting and uniting of Hearts together, in a right ordered and well grounded Love before the joyning of Hands on the Wedding-Day. For where there is an Antipathy or contrariety of Natures, or diſlike of Perſons or Conditions, there ſeldome is a continuance of ſweet agreement and ſatisfaction one to and with another, and ſo Marriage proveth a Bondage; inſtead of a ſweet freedom in a happy enjoyment of each other in the Lord, as St. Paul deſired to enjoy, and have joy of Philemon in the Lord, St. Paul his Epiſtle to Philemon, verſe 20.in whom what we enjoy is a bleſſing by Chriſt; whereas if the Hearts be truly knit together, and united in Love, as the heart of Jonathan to David, 1 Sam. 18.1.who loved him as his own Soul; the Love will be wonderful, as was Jonathans to David, paſſing the love of Women. 2 Sam. 1.26.Although the love of good women to their Husbands hath been wonderful, as Records of ancient Hiſtories do witneſſe at full. I mean not a light unconſtant paſſionate Love taken upon ſight of Beauty or Riches, or ſome ſuch uncertain foundation, which is deceitful, and vain as King Solomon witneſſes. Firſt of Riches, Prov. 23.5. Wilt thou ſet thy Eyes upon that which is not, for Riches certainly make themſelves Wings and fly away as Eagles towards Heaven. They are uncertain, 1 Tim. 6.17.and not to be truſted in. And again, the like for Beauty, Favour is deceitful, and Beauty is vanity; But a Woman that feareth the Lord ſhe ſhall be praiſed, Prov. 31.30. When a right grounded love in the fear of the Lord (which is praiſe-worthy) is permanent, and will endure for life: I know upon ſome occaſions, A prevention of Objection.there may want time and opportunity of ſuch a familiar Converſe with each other, which may be helpful to ſuch a well grounded love as between great Princes, who are conſtrained to Wooe, and intercede ſometimes by Ambaſſadors, as Iſaac, Geneſis 24 1, 2, 63.that religious Prince did by the religious Servant of his honourable Father Abraham; I call Abraham honourable, for he is ſtiled a mighty Prince: Geneſis 23.6.And this Ambaſſadour went to intercede for a Wife for Iſaac. This done by his Maſters Command, and no doubt with Iſaac's conſent, who was adviſed by his Father in choice of his Wife; as Rebeckah was by her Parents, who willingly ſent her with Abraham's Servant, yet ſo as Rebeckah firſt was asked her conſent alſo, as you may read at large, Gen. 24.57, 58.Gen. 24.
Thus religious Iſaac walking out into the Fields at Eventide to meditate and pray, Gen. 24.63.eſpieth his Rebeckah coming, goeth on to meet her, and bringeth her into his Mothers Tent, and ſhe became his Wife, and he loved her, Gen. 24.67. Thus a good choice with love and Gods bleſſing made a happy Marriage to both their joyes, and no doubt to the joy of aged Abraham, that bleſſed Father of the Faithful. And thus you have a fourth Gold-link in this Gold Chain of Love.
I will give you but one Preparative Gold link of Love more; A fifth Direction, or Gold link of Love.And this is, That not only Parents conſent and bleſſing may be had (if poſſible) (as no doubt Iſaac and Rebeckah had) and their bleſſing. And ſhe bleſſed Rebeckah, and ſaid, be thou the Mother of thouſands of millions, Gen. 24.60.and let thy Seed poſſeſs the Gate of thoſe that hate thee. But that by their Parents proviſion, or thy own wiſdom, there be care taken that one or both have an eſtate for convenience and comfortable maintenance, if not of great Riches; yet to have what Agur prayed for, Prov. 30.8, 9. To be fed with food convenient, leaſt want of Neceſſaries occaſion Complaint, and that breed Differences, and Love receive a Dampe and an Abatement, and ſo marriage which ſhould be a Merry-Age, prove an Age of Sorrow, Sadneſs, and Diſcontent, (yea, of Sin and wickedneſs ſometimes) for although the Husband taketh the Wife, and the Wife the Husband for better or worſe, for Richer or Poorer, yet if God of his free Grace in Chriſt give not a contentedneſſe of ſpirit, and humbleneſſe of mind, to ſubmit to Divine Providences, and to know and learn as St. Paul did, Phil. 4.11, 12, 13.In every eſtate to be content. Both Souls and Bodies may repent ſuch Marriages, and wiſh they had been wiſer, when it is too late. Before God made Man and Woman, our firſt Parents, Adam and Eve, and married them together; He firſt made the World, Gen. 1.27, 28.and enriched them with Dominion over the Creatures, Gen. 2.23, 24.for their comfortable living in a married eſtate; Gen. 1.1, 2, &c.He gave them plentiful Proviſion for them and their Poſterity, Gen. 9.1, 2, 3, 4.as he did after to Noah. Thus ſhould Parents take Care for their Children, or Children for themſelves, to preſerve Love between Husband & Wife during lives. Thus much for pre-conſiderations before Marriages.
Now a ſixth Gold-link of Love, A ſixth Direction, or Gold-link of Love.for a joyful happy life in a married eſtate, is that the married Parties ought to labour for a daily increaſe of Graces, 1 Pet. 3.7. 2 Pet. 3.18.and to get aſſurance that they are both of them married to Chriſt, Eph. 5.31, 32.and have the Lord Jeſus for their heavenly Husband, and ſo be married one to another in Chriſt, as Chriſt is to his Spouſe the Church, (Hoſ. 2.19, 20.) Happy is the Soul which is married to Chriſt, Iſa. 9.6.He is an everlaſting Father to take care and provide for his Spouſe the Church. Rev. 1.18.A heavenly Husband that never dieth, but liveth ever to provide for his beloved Spouſe, for every Soul that is united in marriage to him. Iſa. 54.5.He is a bleſſed Husband, whoſe Name is the Lord of Hoſts, and our Redeemer; Mat. 18.20. Mat. 28.20.a Saviour who hath promiſed to be preſent with his Church, his Beloved, to the end of the World. And to deliver in greateſt danger, Iſa. 43.1, 2, 3, 4.in fiery Afflictions, it ſhall not burn them, in watry they ſhall not be drowned: There is no better, yea, none ſo good a Husband as Chriſt, none to be loved ſo much as our heavenly Huband the Lord Jeſus. Therefore we ought to labour daily for a bleſſed increaſe of our love to Chriſt, becauſe he loved us firſt, (1 John 4.19.) And as we ought to be enflamed every day more and more in love to Chriſt. So ought Husbands and Wives to endeavour truly to cheriſh, increaſe, and preſerve mutual Love, to and with each other, as the Apoſtle St. Paul prayeth for his Chriſtian Epheſians, Eph. 3.17, 18, 19.that Chriſt may dwell in their Hearts by Faith, that being rooted and grounded in Love, they may be able to comprehend with all Saints, what is the bredth, and length, and depth, and height of that love of God, which paſſeth Knowledge; they may be filled (and ſatisfied) with the fulneſſe of God. So Husbands and Wives being rooted and grounded in Love, may be ſatisfied with each others Love, as that wiſe King Solomon adviſeth: Prov. 5.18, 19.I ſpeak not of a meer carnal Love, which will not make their Souls happy; but of a right Conjugal Love between Man and Wife well rooted, and rightly cheriſhed, which will make their Lives delightful, and hath Gods bleſſing of perſeverance in true love united unto it with joy to the end, Cant. 2.3. Cant. 8.6, 7.like the Love of Chriſt to his Church; A Tree new ſet or planted, may eaſily be plucked up again. But if it hath taken root, and be well grown, it will abide both wind and weather; and a true fervent Love, many Waters cannot quench it, as Solomon ſpeaks of that Love between Chriſt and his Church, it will endure during the Lives of the Lovers, to their Rejoycings, as being ſealed with Conſtancy, and ſetled in the Heart. This is a ſixth Gold-link of Love.
A ſeventh Direction, A ſeventh Direction, or Gold-link of Love.or Gold-link of Love, to enjoy happy contentment and continuance of Love between Husband and Wife, is this, That there ought to be free Communication of mutual kindneſs, and conjugal engagements one to and with another, that mutual Benevolence, and Bond of Marriage-Love, at times convenient, according to the Law of God and Nature; read the bleſſed Apoſtles Direction, (1 Cor. 7.2, 3, 4, 5, &c.) and that Law of God, Leviticus 18.19. and Leviticus 20.18. and Ezekiel 18.6. Theſe Rules obſerved, This Marriage-kindneſs at fit times is one means to cheriſh and preſerve mutual conjugal Love between Husbands and Wives; when as the denial of this loving kindneſſe is a dangerous occaſion of Breach and Diſquietneſſe; yea, ſometimes it may prove of ſeparation, and an occaſion of Damnable ſin (if God reſtrain not by his ſpecial Grace); yet a Bridle muſt be to reſtrain Intemperance in all Delights, leaſt exceſs deſtroy both Souls and Bodies; That is a general Rule (Phil. 4.5.) Let your moderation be known to all men, the Lord is at hand. He is preſent to ſee all our Actions, and to bleſs or puniſh, according to our Obedience or Diſobedience to his Commandements. Thus you have a ſeventh Gold-link of Love.
The eighth followeth; The eighth Direction, or Gold-link of Love.And this is, That Husbands and Wives be careful of, and ready to ſhew their love to each others Souls, as well as to their Bodies or Eſtates: That Husbands love their Wives as Chriſt loved his Spouſe the Church, and gave himſelf for it, that he might ſanctifie and cleanſe it with the waſhing of water by the Word, that he might preſent it to himſelf a glorious Church, not having ſpot or wrinkle, Eph. 5.25, 26, 27.or any ſuch thing, but that it ſhould be holy, and without blemiſh.
Husbands ought to take care for the beauty of their Wives Souls as well as of their Bodies; that they may be lovely to Chriſt their heavenly Husbands, as well as to them, Cant. 4.7.as the Spouſe of Chriſt is to him: The Husband which taketh no care for his Wives ſoul, how can he expect that God ſhould bleſs him with a good Wife? The Husband ſhould pray daily for his Wife, as St. 1 Theſſ. 5.23.Paul did for his Chriſtian Theſsalonians,, That her whole Spirit, Soul and Body be preſerved blameleſs to the coming of our Lord and Saviour Jeſus Christ. The Soul is better then a whole World; Mat. 16.26.What is a man profited, if he gain the whole World, and loſe his Soul? or what ſhall a man give in exchange for his Soul? What ſaith that great and bleſſed Apoſtle, He that provideth not for his own, eſpecially for them of his own houſhold; he hath denyed the Faith, and is worſe then an Infidel, (1 Tim. 5.8.) And if it be a Duty to provide for the Body of his Family or Houſhold, then much more for their moſt pretious and immortal Souls (if it poſſible be in his power), and moſt of all for his Wives Soul, which is his ſecond Self, and is, or ought to be moſt dear unto his Soul. That her Soul may proſper, as St. John did teſtifie of the Soul of his Beloved Gaius; 3 John 1.2.That it may appear, he loveth his Wife in Truth; and ſo God may bleſs her unto him, for the good of his Soul, Body, and Eſtate. And ſo likewiſe Wives ought to be ſtudious and careful for the good of their Husbands Souls, as well as of the health of their Bodies and Eſtates. This is a means by Gods bleſſing, for the preſervation of conjugal Love, and gratious affections for true joy of Husband and Wife, by the Grace and Power of Chriſt. John 15.15. Phil. 4.13.For Husbands and Wives ought to be helpers, and means in their places of each others Salvation; this St. Paul intimateth, (1 Cor. 7.16.) requiring cohabitation and dwelling together; and he expreſſeth a Reaſon, What knoweſt thou, O Wife, whether thou ſhalt ſave thy Husband; and how knoweſt thou, O Man, whether thou ſhalt ſave thy Wife; That is, be an outward means of Salvation by good Counſel, or otherwiſe by Gods Bleſſing, taking care of the means of Salvation for each other to their powers. As the Wives may be a means to win their Husbands by their good Converſations; 1 Pet. 3.1, 2, 3, 4.As St. 1 Pet. 3.7.Peter directs: So the Husbands may win their Wives, if they follow St. Peters Counſel; Live with their Wives as men of knowledge, giving honour to the Wife, as the weaker Veſſel, that their Prayers be not hindred. And this is the greateſt love which is ſhewed to the Souls of each other, and a work of high eſteem, and unſpeakable benefit. James 5.20.Let him know, ſaith St. James, That he which converts a Sinner from the errour of his way, ſhall ſave a Soul from Death, and ſhall hide a multitude of Sins. And thus may a Husband or Wife be helper, and means for their eternal mutual happineſs, if by loving and wiſe carriage and deportment each to other, they can win and gain one or other, or both from any evil he or ſhe is ſubject unto, praying to God daily for a Bleſſing upon their good Endeavours. This is a moſt pretious Gold-link of Love, to preſerve love and affection, and happy peace and proſperity with Husbands and Wives during their lives.
Now I proceed to a ninth Gold-link, A ninth Direction, or Gold-link of Love.in this Golden Chain of Love. This is, that Husband be an example to the Wife of Piety and Chaſtity, & Religious Love, with care of Cheriſhing his Wife, as the weaker Veſſel, eſpecially in times of Sickneſs, Weakneſs, or other Infirmities; as Chriſt was kind to his Diſciples, when they were troubled at the news of his Departure from them, John 14.1, 2, 3. Let not your Hearts be troubled, ye believe in God, believe alſo in Me; in my Fathers Houſe are many Manſions, if it were not ſo, I would have told you; I go to prepare a place for you. And as Chriſt hath been to his Church; and Children in all Ages, eſpecially in any ſad Diſpenſation; To ſpeak comfortably, as the Lord anſwered the Angel that ſpake for Jeruſalem, Zachar. 1.13. The Lord anſwered the Angel that talked with me with good words, and comfortable words. Or as Elkanah did to Hannah, when peeviſh and ſpiteful Peninnah vexed her, becauſe ſhe was barren. And Elkanah ſaid, Hannah, why weepeſt thou I and why eatest thou not I am not I better to thee then ten Sons, I Sam. 1.8. And the wife ought to be careful, not to provoke her husband by any unkind behaviour towards him, but to be ready to ſhew her love to her husband in ſickneſs and health, and both to look to the example of Chriſt our heavenly husband. The husband to love his wife as his own Body; for he that loveth his wife, loveth himſelf: For no man yet ever hated his own fleſh, but nouriſheth and cheriſheth it, as the Lord doth the Church, Epheſ. 5.28, 29. Each followeth Chriſt his Golden Rule, Mat. 7.12.to do to each other as they would be done by. And if any unkindneſs hath been, not to reſt quietly untill there be a Reconciliation; Sleep not, untill they can ſleep in Love, and loving Embracements of each other; ſay in any neglect of Love, or in any occaſion of Breach, would I have Chriſt, my Lord and ſpirituall husband, ſo unkind to me, as I am to my wife; and may the wife ſay, would I have Chriſt ſo unkind to me, to forſake my ſoul, or withdraw his love from me, as I have done from my husband; and ſo may the husband ſay in reſpect of his wife. This mutual care of kindneſſe is a precious Gold link of Love, to bind love faſt during life.A tenth Direction, or Gold-link of love,
The tenth Direction, or Gold link of Love. Husbands and wives muſt take heed their love be rightly qualified.
Firſt, let Love be without Diſſimulation. This is that Rule of the Holy Ghoſt, recorded by the Apoſtle St. Paul, Rom. 10.9.
Secondly, Let love be without Bitterneſs, ſo the ſame Apoſtle, Coloſſ. 3.19. Husbands love your Wives; and be not bitter against them. Nor ought wives to be ſuch to their husbands: Love and Bitterneſs connes agree well together; Pſal. 64.3.this is contrary to love, to ſhoot out Arrows, even bitterneſs, or bitter actions inſtead of pleaſant and lovely: Sinilitude.This is to mingle Gall with Honey, or ſoure ſharp Vinegar with ſweet Wine, it will make all diſtaſteful; a husband muſt not be like unto a Crab, Orange, or Lemon; fair on the outſide to the ſhew, and ſoure and bitter within; pleaſing, with ſugared words abroad, Sweet-heart before Company, and of a froward and perverſe Diſpoſition at home; or in private, nor muſt the wife be ſo to the husband; Eph. 5.1, 2.but both walk in true Love, as Chriſt hath loved us.
The eleventh Direction, The eleventh Direction, or Gold link of Love.or Gold link of Love, to preſerve mutual love between husband and wife is mutually, fidelity and faithfulneſſe each to other, according to the marriage Covenant, they ought to forſake all other, and keep mutually onelyonly to themſelves ſo long as they both ſhall live. Yea, they ought to be very careful to avoid all occaſions of jealouſies of or againſt each other, and to hate jealouſie as a moſt dangerous enemy, except there be evident and ſure ground of each others diſloyalty, and ſinful Breach of the marriage Covenant. The Jews were a very jealous People, jealous of their wives upon ſlight occaſions, and often put their wives away with a Bill of Divorce, for ſlight occaſions, and cauſes which did not break the Bands of Matrimony, againſt which our Saviour ſpeaks, Mat. 5.31, 32. Mat. 19.3, 4, 5, &c. The Jews were ſo jealous, That upon ſmall ſuſpition, they would forbid their wives to keep any Company in ſecret with any of whom they were jealous, and if after the wife was thus forbid before two witneſſes (as the Jewiſh Doctors declare) if ſhe was proved to be in ſecret with ſuch a Maymony in miſn. com. 2. See Mr. Ainſworth, in Numb. 5.one. The husband brought her before the Magiſtrate, and ſhe was to be put to the Tryal of ſeu honeſti, by the bitter water of Jealouſy, which if ſhe were guilty, would cauſe her Belly to ſwell, and her Thigh to rot, as you may read in that Law for Trial of jealouſy, Numb. 5.11.12. to the end. And ver. the thirtieth, The Text ſaith, That when the Man is free from Iniquity, M…ymo…y in Jota…. cap. 2. ſect. 8.the Woman (guilty) beareth her Iniquity. Therefore amongſt the Iſraelites it is ſaid, See Mr. Ainſworth, in Num. 5.30.That no man which had himſelf been guilty that way, could bring his wife to this Tryal, The guilty man could not bring his wife to this Tryal of bitter Water. Rom. 2.1.that is, by this bitter water, according to the Law of Jealouſy afore. But it is moſt certain, That it is the duty both of the husband and wife, to be careful by power from Chriſt, to avoid all occaſions of jealouſy in both, according to that Rule of God's word, and Direction of the Holy Ghoſt by the Apoſtle St. Paul, To abſtain from all appearance of Evill, 2 Theſſ. 5.22. And that ancient Law of God, Levit. 19.14. Thou ſhalt not put a ſtumbling block before the blind; But thou ſhalt fear thy God, I am the Lord. And preſſed again by the bleſſed Apoſtle, Rom. 14.13. Let us not judge one another any more, but judge thus rather, that no man put a ſtumbling block, or an occaſion to fall in his Brothers way. I muſt avoid occaſion of ſin my ſelf, and I muſt not give occaſion of ſin to another, nor of this ſin of unjuſt jealouſy to my husband, or to my wife. For many are the miſeries may follow to husband or wife; jealouſie is the rage of a man, therefore he will not ſpare in the day of Vengeance: He will not regard any Ranſome, neither will he reſt content, though thou giveſt many Gifts; witneſſe King Solomon, Pro. 6.34, 35. And jealouſie is cruel as the Grave, the Coals thereof are Coals of fire, which hath a moſt vehement flame, witneſſe the ſpirit of God, Can. 8.6. This taking care to avoid all occaſion of jealouſy, is a powerful means to preſerve Conjugal Love between husband and wife.
But much more the Grace of fidelity, and conſtant care of faithfulneſs each to other, according to that ſacred Bond of Marriage.
The husband ought to be careful, to be faithful to his wife, forſaking all other, witneſſe the ſpirit of God, Prov. 5.18, 19. Let thy, Fountain be bleſſed, and rejoyce with the Wife of thy youth: Let her be as the Loving Hind and Pleaſant Roe; Let her Breſts ſatisfie thee at all times, and be thou raviſhed alwayes with her Love. And the ſame Spirit of God ſpeaketh the ſame again, Prov. 6.23.24, 25, &c. The Commandement is a Lampe, and the Law a Light, and reproof of Instruction is the way of life to keep thee from the evil Woman which flattereth with her Tongue, and from the flattery of the Tongue of the ſtrange woman: Luſt not after her beauty in thy Heart, neither let her take thee with her Eye-lids: For by means of a whoriſh woman a man is brought to a piece of Bread, and the Adultereſs will hant for the precious life. Can a man take Fire in his Boſome, and his Clothes not be burnt? Can one go upon hot Coales, and his feet not be burnt? So he that goeth into his Neighbours wife, whoſoever toucheth her ſhall not be innocent. This ſin of Adultery or Fornication, breaketh the Command of the great God, (Who is a conſuming Fire, Heb. 12.29.) The Law of that All-ſeeing every where preſent God, Jer. 23:23, 24.before whoſe Eye, Prov. 5.21. Heb. 4.13. Mat. 12.36. Amos 4.13.all things are open and naked; whatſoever we can ſpeak, do or think, The command of this Mighty God is, Thou ſhalt not Commit Adultery, Ex. 20.14. The Lord himſelf will be witneſs againſt ſuch, Mal. 2.14. The Lord, ſaith the Prophet, hath been a witneſſe between thee and the wife of thy youth, againſt whom thou haſt dealt treacherouſly; yet ſhe is thy Companion, and the wife of thy Youth; yea, of thy Govenant, to keep thee only to her: And did not he make one, ſaith the Prophet, and yet had be reſidue of ſpirit; and wherefore one (one man and one woman) that he might ſeek a godly feed; Therefore take heed to your ſpirit (ſaith he) and let none deal treacherouſly with the wife of his youth, Mal. 2.15. And the ſame is the ſin of the wife, and her wickedneſſe, if ſhe break the Marriage-Covenant, as you may read, Prov. 2.16, 17, 18. To deliver thee from the ſtrange woman, which flattereth with her words, which forſaketh the guide of her Youth, and forgetieth the Covenant of her God; for her Houſe inclineth to Death, and her Pathes unto the Dead; none that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the Pathes of Life. And Prov. 7.27. Of the Adulterous woman, the wiſe wiſe man concludeth, That her Houſe is the way to Hell, going down to the Chambers of Death: A Whore is a deep Ditch, and a ſtrange Woman a narrow Pit, Proverbs 23.27. Therefore to be avoyded as ſnares, and Pits prepared for thy Deſtruction: Both the Adulterer and Adultoreſs they ſin grievouſly, and their puniſhment will be terrible, except God in time give them true Repentance; for by the Law of God they were both to be ſtoned to death, Levit. 20.10. and Deut. 22.22. That ſentence of the Apoſtle is terrible, Hebr. 13.14. Marriage is Honourable amongst all, and the Bed undefiled; But Whore-Mongers and Adulterers God will judge. In this life this ſin of Adultery and Fornication oftentimes is an occaſion of Murder. As Shechem's Fornication with Dinah, Jacob's Daughter, occaſioned the Murder of the Shechentites, Gen. 34.21, &c. And Ammon's Raviſhing of Tamar, 2 Sam. 13.27, 28, &c. Beſides it excludes ſuch out of the Kingdom of Heaven, 1 Cor. 6.9, 10. And on Earth it is a cauſe of Divorce, as our Saviour declares, Mat. 5.32. And thus you ſee how neceſſary mutual fidelity is to preſerve Conjugall Love between Husband and Wife, while they live.
The twelfth Direction, A twelfth Direction, or Gold-link of Love.or Gold-link of Love, is, That either of them, or both of them have a ſpecial Care of their mutual Duties, to give right and due reſpect to each other. Firſt, the Wife to honour and reverence her Husband as her Head, and to obey him in all things lawful and expedient in the Lord, as Sarah (that great Lady) did honour and obey Abraham her Husband, calling him Lord, 1 Peter 3.6. I ſay, Obey him in all things lawful and expedient in the Lord: For as this is the rule of Childrens Obedience to their Parents, given by the Spirit of God, Epheſ. 6.1. So it is the rule of all Inferiours to obey their Superiours in all things lawful in the Lord; yea, expediently alſo it is to be reſpected. A Husband may not proſtitute his Wives Chaſtity or Honour, as he may not proſtitute his Daughter to be a Whore, as you may read, Leviticus 19.29. Nor Husband nor Father can lawfully Command a Wife or Daughter to conſent to ſuch a ſin; nor is either Wife or Daughter bound to obey in ſuch ſinful Commands; no Superiour hath power to command an Inferiour to ſin againſt Gods Command: The Anſwer to ſuch unlawful Commands of Men or Women is ſet down by the Holy Ghoſt, Acts 5.20. It is better to obey God then Man. Theſe unlawful Commands will ſtop the current of Love between Husband and Wife. For as the Wife is to honour the Husband as her Head, ſo the Husband is no way to diſhonour, or ſeek to diſhonour his Wife, but to honour her as the weaker Veſſel, as a Coheir with him of the Grace of Life, as the Apoſtle directs, 1 Peter 3.7. This living together as heirs of the Grace of Life, muſt be of the Husband to his Wife, as to a Companion, and Fellow in the Bonds of Marriage, as may be intimated, Mal. 2.14, 15, 16. For when God made the Woman, as he did not take her out of the Head of Adam, to be above him, ſo he did not take her out of Adams Feet, to be trampled upon; but out of his Side, near to his Heart, Gen. 2.21, 22. to be honoured and loved as his Fellow Helper, and beloved Companion. And this kind reſpect on both ſides is an excellent means and help to preſerve Love between Husband and Wife to the end.
The thirteenth Direction, The thirteenth Direction, or Gold-link of Love.or Gold-link of Love, is, That both husband and wife be mutually carefull in their places for the preſervation or increaſe of their Eſtate and Proviſion, and Government of their Houſhold or Family, and provide both for the preſent and for the future. This care of the Husband, and his Duty, we may learn from that great Apoſtle, 1 Tim. 5.8. If any man provide not for his own, eſpecially for thoſe of his own Houſhold, he hath denied the Faith, and is worſe then an Infidel. That was good Counſel of Solomon, Prov. 27.23, 24. Be thou diligent to know the ſtate of thy Flocks, and look well to thy Herds: For Riches are not for ever, and doth the Crown endure to every Generation? Providence is requiſite to preſerve an Eſtate.
I remember it is above threeſcore years ſince when I was in Oxford, I did ſee a little Book of good Counſel, writ by a noble Lord to his Son, in which he adviſed his Son to divide his Eſtate into three parts. Firſt, one part he might ſpend in ordinary Expences, Houſe-keeping, Apparrel, and ſuch like. A ſecond part lay aſide for extraordinary occaſions for himſelf and the Church and Common-wealth. And a third part to lay up for increaſe of his Eſtate. If a man ſpend beyond his Eſtate, or live at the higheſt rate of his Incomings, he will be conſtrained to live of borrowing, and ſo of borrowing in the end, if in time he labour not to prevent. And for the wife alſo, Solomon giveth an excellent Deſcription of a virtuous woman, as Prov. 31.10, 11, 12. to the end of that Chapter, read it at your leiſure, Verſes 27.28. He ſaith a virtuous woman, She looketh well to the wayes of her Houſhold, and eateth not the Bread of idleneſſe; her Children riſe up and call her bleſſed, he Husband alſo, and he praiſeth her, &c. He concludeth, Give her of the fruit of her Hands, and let her own workes praiſe her in the Gates. The good wife will conſider her husbands eſtate, and not preſſe him to ſpend above power; She will do her husband good, and not hurt all the dayes of her life, Prov. 31.12. Thus whon there is a mutual providential care of husband and wife for themſelves, Family and Poſterity. This is an eſpeciall Gold-link of Love, to bind love faſt between husband and wife.
The fourteenth Gold-link of Love followeth; The fourteenth Direction, or Gold link of Love.There ought to be a mutual care of, and for Education of their Children which God hath graciouſly given unto them, as Jacob ſpake to his Brother Eſau, Gen. 33.5. That they be taught and inſtructed both in civil and ſpiritual Reſpects, both in divine and humane Learning, according to the Honour and Dignity of their Places and Calling. It is King Solomon's Counſel, Prov. 22.6. Teach a Child in the way he ſhould go, and he will not depart from it when he is old. Eſpecially, that they be ſeaſoned with the Catechiſm, and firſt principles of the Oracles of God, Heb. 5.12.and the Knowledge of God's will in the Sacred Scriptures, as bleſſed Timothy was, for which St. Paul giveth that excellent Teſtimony, you may read, 2 Tim. 3.15. That from a Child he had known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make us wiſe unto Salvation through Faith which is in Chriſt Jeſus. This is life eternal to know God, the onelyonly true God, and whom he hath ſent Jeſus Christ, John 17.3. For this care of inſtructing Children and Family, the Lord himſelf commended faithful Abraham, and maketh him of his ſecret Counſel; Shall I hide from Abraham the thing that I do? And he giveth this for one Reaſon, For I know him (ſaith the Lord) that he will Command his Children, and his Houſhold after him to keep the way of the Lord, to do Justice and Judgment, that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath ſpoken of him and his Poſterity, Gen. 18.19. Again, this was God's Command to his People Iſrael, That they ſhould teach their Children diligently the Law and Word of the Lord, and thou ſhalt talk of them when thou art in thy Houſe, and when thou walkeſt by the way, and when thou riſeſt up, as it is recorded, Deut. 6.6, 7. and this no doubt with holy reverence and devotion, as deſirous to reveal God's mind to their Children and Family. And Children are commanded to hearken to their Parents inſtruction, Prov. 1.8. My Son, hear the Inſtruction of thy Father, and forget not the Law of thy Mother; And again, Prov. 31.1. you may find the words of King Lemuel, the Prophecy which his Mother taught him. To conclude, the Apoſtle St. Paul, Epheſ. 6.1, 2, 3, 4. preſſeth the duty both of Children and Parents. Firſt, Children obey your Parents in all things, as it is fit in the Lord; and honour thy Father and Mother, which is the firſt Commandement, with promiſe, That it may be well with thee, and thou mayeſt live long in the Land: And Fathers, provoke not your Children to wrath, that they be not diſcouraged, but bring them up in the Nurture and Admonition of the Lord. Thus Children well inſtructed in the knowledge of God's mind, may be a joy to Parents, and Parents enjoy their Children as bleſſings from the Lord, and behold them as Olive branches round about their Table to God's Glory, Pſal. 128.and as the Pledges of their mutual Love to each other: And this is an excellent Gold-link of Love, to preſerve and keep mutual Conjugal Love between Husband and Wife.
The fifteenth Direction, The fifteenth Direction, or Gold-link of Love.or Gold-link of Love, is, That the Husband and Wife, according to their duty, do live together, and not ſeperate the one from the other, except with conſent for a time, upon moſt neceſſary occaſions, or that they may give themſelves to Faſting and Prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt them not, as St. Paul directeth, 1 Cor. 7.5. That ſo living lovingly together, as heirs of the Grace of life, they may be mutual Helpers to each other in theſe Conjugal Duties. This Rule St. Peter giveth, 1 Pet. 3.7. Husbands dwell with your Wives, as men of Knowledge. And St. Paul, 1 Cor. 7.13. If a woman that believeth, hath a husband that believeth not (or is not a Chriſtian) yet if he pleaſe to dwell with her, let her not leave him; but continue, that ſhe may be a help to him for his Soul, as well as for his Body and Eſtate: When God did make the woman, The Lord God ſaid, It is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a help meet for him, Gen. 2, 18. And a good wife will be a Helper for good, not a hinderance to her husband. God did make the woman to be a ſecond-ſelf, Mr. Ainſworth in Gen. 2.like him in nature, knit to him in Love, needful for Children helpful in all Duties, preſent always with him, and ſo very meer and profitable as a joyful Companion in all eſtates, in adverſity, as well as in Proſperity, in Sickneſs as well as in Health, in Poverty as well as in a rich Eſtate. This requireth cohabitation, That the wife leave not the husband, nor the husband forſake the wife. Becauſe this unjuſt and unchriſtian forſaking of husband or wife, for light differences, for any thing leſs then that which is a ſufficient ground for a lawful Divorce by the Law of God. This giveth occaſion of ſin, abateth love, and cannot expect a bleſſing from God; yea, this too often doth break off Love betwixt Husband and Wife, when cohabitation doth preſerve Conjugal Love, and will do (if they live in the fear of God, and follow his Directions) to the end.
The ſixteenth Direction, The ſixteenth Direction, or or Goldlink of Love.or Gold-link of Love, to bind love faſt, and prevent ſinful Breaches betwixt husband and wife, is for both to learn that firſt leſſon of a Chriſtian, which our Saviour taught his Diſciples, Math. 16.24. They muſt ſometimes deny themſelves, that is, their own wills and deſires, paſſions and affections, bridle raſh anger, and over-rule their paſſions; yea, their right ſometimes for quietneſs ſake, they muſt not be both ſelf-willed, nor both angry at once, or at the ſame time. King Solomon witneſſeth, That he that is ſtow to Anger is better then the Mighty, and he that ruleth his Spirit, then he that taketh a City, Prov. 16.32. And a ſoft anſwer turneth away wrath; but grievous words ſtir up anger, Prov. 15.1. And again, that wiſe man, Prov. 19. Prov. 19.9, 19.It is better to dwell in a Corner of the houſe top, then with a Brawling woman in a wide Houſe; And again, verſe 19. It is better to dwell in the Wilderneſs, then with a contentious and angry woman. And that Kingly Preacher again, Eccleſ. 7.9. Be not haſty in thy ſpirit to be angry, for anger reſteth in the boſome of Fools. Simile.It was a witty conceit of the Father, who gave two Caps to his new married Son and Daughter, made fit for Solomons angry Fools, with this Contract, that they ſhould never put them on both at once. But if the husband had put on his Cap, the wife ſhould let hers lie ſtill, not take it by any means; and the ſame direction to the wife: This is a means to enjoy peace. It was the moral mans Obſervation, Heratius. Latius regres avidum domande ſpiritum, &c.That a man ſhould conquer more by ruling his ſpirit, then by conquering the greateſt Perſon in the World. And the Holy Spirit of God directs, that we ſhould forbear one another in love, Co. 3.13. and the ſame Apoſtle exhorts to be long-ſuffering, this is our duty as Chriſtian in general, and the ſame is incumbent upon man and wife in particular, to yield ſometimes to each other in love.
That was an excellent example of Self-denyal, Example.which faithful Abraham gave, when his wife Sarah was angry with her Maid Hagar, whom ſhe her ſelf had given to her Husband to get Children, becauſe ſhe her ſelf was barren, as you may read, Gen. 16.1, 2.
Abraham left her Maid at her Miſtreſſe diſpoſe, and ſhe by her hard uſage made her fly away. And this muſt needs be againſt Abraham's heart, that Hagar ſhould be ſo hardly uſed and conſtrained to fly away; whom he had gotten with Child by his Wives conſent, and no doubt had affection for her; yet Abraham condeſcends to his wife, for Abraham ſaid unto Sarah, Thy Maid is in thy hand, do to her as it pleaſeth thee. Again, when Sarah had brought forth Iſaac, and Sarah did ſee Iſmael the Son of Hagar mocking of her Son Iſaac; She calleth to Abraham her Husband, Put away the Bond-woman and her Son, for the Son of the Bond-woman ſhall not be heir with my Son, even with Iſaac, Gen. 21.10, 11. This thing was very grievous in Abraham's ſight, becauſe of his Son Iſmael, yet (as God directs him) he yieldeth to his wife; and putteth away Hagar and Iſmael out of doors, and then all was at peace. Thus ſometimes a ſweet Condeſcen…ſin in things lawful, is a ſweet well-pleaſing means to preſerve Love between Husband and Wife; And as the Husband, ſo the Wife is to labour by the Power and Grace of Chriſt to be of a ſelf-denying, ſubmitting, meek and quiet ſpirit, which in the eyes of the Lord is a thing much ſet by, witneſſe Saint Peter, 1 Pet. 3.4.
For a Wife to deny her ſelf, Example.and her own will, for the love of her Husband, is a means to preſerve Love, and prevent the danger of ſeparation. Had Queen Vasti denyed her ſelf to pleaſe her Husbands fancy of ſhewing her Beauty to his Gueſts (as he deſired) Heſter 1.11, 12. ſhe might have prevented his anger, and continued Queen to her death in all likelihood. Thus you ſee the paſſing by of occaſions of anger, and a loving condeſcending to each others lawful deſires, is an excellent Gold-link of Love, and means to preſerve Love between Husband and Wife during Lives.
The ſeventeenth Direction, The ſeventeenth Direction, or Gold-link of Love.or Gold-link of Love now followeth: This is to exerciſe ſpiritual wiſdome, how and when to ſpeak one to another of any thing that is not well done, or ſaid by either party, or that they perceive is contrary to either of their minds or affections, or not for their profit, ſafety or honour; A word fitly ſpoken in due ſeaſon, how good is it, ſaith King Solomon? Prov. 15.23. And Prov. 25.11. A word fitly ſpoken, is like Apples of Gold in pictures of Silver. And the kingly Preacher telleth us, there is a time for all things, Eccleſ. 3.1. For that which is ſpoken may be well taken at one time, which will not be ſo well reſented at another time.
For Example, Example.when Churliſh covetous Nabal had uſed Davids young men unkindly, and brought himſelf and Family in great danger, we ſee Abigail meeting David with a Preſent, and pacifieth David, and prevents his ſhedding of Blood, as you may read, 1 Sam. 25.26. and returning home, ſhe findeth her Husband keeping a Feaſt like a King, and merry with Wine; for he was very Drunken, verſe 36. wherefore ſhe told him nothing leſs or more, untill the morning. But it came to paſs in the morning, when the Wine was gone out of Nabal, then ſhe told him theſe things, and then he was ſenſible of his folly to the full, 1 Sam. 25.37. 1 Sam. 25.37.Thus when a Husband or Wife is in any Diſtemper, drunken with Wine or ſtrong drink, or with any paſſion or diſcontent; it is wiſdome to forbear ſpeaking, and to obſerve a ſit time, and in a loving manner to declare mildly and peaceably what was a failing on either part, and that with meekneſſe of ſpirit; For a ſoft Anſwer turneth away wrath, but grievous words ſtir up Anger, as we noted before, Prov. 15.10. The Apoſtle St. James his direction is good, James 1.19, 20. Be ſwift to hear, ſlow to ſpeak, ſlow to wrath; for the wrath of Man worketh not the righteouſneſs of God. Thus ſpiritual policy, yea, even civil wiſdome is one ſpecial help to quench the fire of jars and unneceſſary fallings out, and to preſerve Conjugal Love between Husband and Wife during their lives.
An eighteenth Direction, The eighteenth Direction, or Gold-link of Love.or Gold-link of Love, in this Golden Chain of Love, is to be of a well-pleaſing quiet ſpirit toward each other, not ſeeking quarrels, but rather ſeeking to pleaſe one another in Love in the Lord; this duty St. Paul intimateth, 1 Cor. 7.33, 34. The married man careth for the things of this World, how he may pleaſe his wife, and the married woman how ſhe may pleaſe her Husband. The Apoſtle holdeth this out (I humbly conceive) not only as a practice, but as a Chriſtian duty alſo, to be careful both Husband and Wife, to pleaſe one another in all things lawful and convenient in the Lord; for Rom. 15.1, 2, 3. He giveth this Rule for Chriſtians in general, That the ſtrong ought to bear the Infirmities of the weak, and not to pleaſe our ſelves; But let every one pleaſe his Neighbour to Edification. Now if this be the duty of all Chriſtians to pleaſe one another for their good; Then much more of Husbands and Wives to be well-pleaſing to each other, not to be contentious or quarrelſome, or croſs for Trifles, or ſmall Matters; but to be wiſe, and ſeek to pleaſe, and give content to each other, according to their Duties and Places. This is heavenly wiſdome, ſaith St. James, which is from above, and is firſt pure, then peaceable, gentle, and eaſie to be intreated, full of mercy, and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocriſie, James 3.17, 18. And this wiſdome ought to be between Husband and Wife, to be peaceable, not troubleſome to each other. For as the wiſe man ſpeaketh, He that troubleth his own Houſe, ſhall inherit the Wind, and the Fool ſhall be ſervant to the wiſe in heart, Prov. 11.29. And Prov. 19.13, 11. A fooliſh Son is the calamity of his Father, and the contentions of a Wife are a continual dropping; it will rot a houſe in time. And again, Houſes and Riches are the Inheritance of Fathers; But a prudent Wife is from the Lord, Prov. 19.14. A contentious Wife will trouble a Family, and bring diſquietneſs to a quiet Husband. Therefore the Wife is to be peaceable, and the ſame ought to be the care of the Husband, not to be captious & chiding with his Wife for every ſmall thing he ſeeth amiſſe; But to follow the Apoſtles Rule, 1 Theſs. 4.11. Study to be quiet, eſpecially with his Wife. This is a hopeful means to prevent diſturbance in a Family, and to preſerve Conjugal Love between Husband and Wife.The nineteenth Direction, or Gold-link of Love.
The nineteenth Direction, or Gold-link of Love, is to learn and act St. Paul his practice, as it is recorded, Phil. 4.11, 12, 13. If a Man hath married a Wife, or a Woman a Husband, which proveth not according to expectation. Firſt, it may be a croſs or careleſs Husband, or one that is tyrannical over his Wife, to make her his Slave, or his Servant, or otherwiſe; that is, a daily vexation to his provident and pious good Wife; a common Tavern or Alehouſe-Haunter, or a deſperate Gameſter, a miſpender of his precious time or eſtate in idle or evil Company, neglecting his Calling and Houſhold occaſions; 1 Sam. 25.17, &c.or a Nabal, a Churliſh Clown, and ingratefull as Nabal was: Or that a Husband hath failed of his expectation, and hath met with a riotous miſpending Wife, or one that is perverſe, and unquiet, or contrary to the Apoſtles Rule, will uſurp authority over the Man, which ſhe ought not, 1 Tim. 2.12. If ſhe prove ſickly or diſeaſed, weak, and unable to perform all Duties; yet if ſhe be faithful to him in the Marriage Covenant, to keep her onelyonly to him ſo long as they both ſhall live. If God lay his Hand upon them with, or in Tryals and Troubles, Loſſes and Croſſes in the World, they muſt both labour by the Power and Grace of Chriſt, to ſubmit to God's Providence, and to be content with their Lot and Condition. It may be God did leave thee to thy ſelf in the Choice of Wife, or of thy Husband, for tryal of thy Faith or Patience, or other Graces: Good Patient Job had not the beſt Wife, that was ſo unkind to him in his great Affliction, as you may read, Job 19.17. It may be God ſaw it beſt for thee to have ſuch a Wife, or ſuch a Husband, to humble thee, or for other ends, and all for thy good, which all things muſt be; If thou love God, and art called by Chriſt to repent and believe on him, according to God's purpoſe, as St. Paul, Rom. 8.28. Therefore to ſtudy Piety and contentment ſhall be your great gain in the end, as the Spirit of God witneſſeth, 1 Tim. 6.6. Labour then by Love to amend what you find amiſs in each other, and that by all fair means. This will be a way to prevent worſe evils, and to preſerve Conjugal Love between Husbands and Wives whilſt they live.
The twentieth and laſt Direction, A twentieth Direction, or Gold-link of love.or Gold link of Love, to preſerve Love between Husbands and wives, which I ſhall give at this time, is, to pray conſtantly and piouſly with Faith and Fervency to God as reconciled in Chriſt, There is Grace, and Wiſdome, and ſtrength in Chriſt to inable you to perform theſe and all other Duties required of you. Read Joh. 1.16. Joh. 15.5. Col. 1.19. Col. 2.3. Phil. 4.11, 12, 13.both for and with one another, not in private onelyonly in your Family, but in ſecret in your Cloſets (if poſſibly it may be) That the moſt bleſſed God will in and for the Merits of Chriſt, pardon all Sins, heal all Infirmities, and by his free Grace in Chriſt ſupply all defects, and reform whatſoever is found amiſs either in Husband or Wife, and by the Power and Spirit and Grace of Chriſt to inable them to perform all Duties; firſt to God, then to each other with care and faithfulneſs; yea, to all other Superiors, Inferiors, or equally ſo to live together as Heirs of the Grace of Life, that your Prayers be not hindred. The Husband may ſay to the Wife, 1 Pet. 3.7.and the Wife to her Husband, as Samuel ſaid to the Iſraelites, 1 Sam. 12.23. God forbid I ſhould ſin againſt the Lord, in ceaſing to pray for you. Prayer is a Duty incumbent upon all to practice daily: And the fervent Prayer of God's Children is effectuall, James 5.16, 17. If any be tempted to any Sin, pray as St. Paul did, 2 Cor. 12.7, 8, 9.Iſaac prayed for his Wife, and God heard him, and gave her Children, Geneſis 25.21. Hannah ſhe prayed for a Son, and God gave her the Requeſt of her Soul, 1 Sam. 2.23. What ſhould I tell you, That Monica, St. Auguſtins good Mother did pray for her Son, and the Lord heard her; and fulfilled her deſires. What greater encouragement can be? or need to be to this duty, Pray till God anſwer. Joh. 16.23.then that gracious Promiſe of our Saviour, That whatſoever we ask the Father in his Name, he will give it us, Joh. 16.3. Oh then, my Beloved in Chriſt, Pray as Jacob did. Gen. 32.26. Hoſea 12.4.be ſure to practice this duty of Prayer, not onelyonly in publick in the Congregations, joyn with the publick Prayers of the Church. But in private in your Families, and in ſecret in your Cloſets daily. Perſevere in prayer, untill God bleſs you, Rom. 12.12.And if you have not Prayer-Books to anſwer every Diſpenſation, and to direct you in particular Petitions; according to your preſent Neceſſities (as who hath); Then learn and labour to be able your ſelves by the help of the Spirit of Prayer and Supplication, promiſed to Gods Church and Children, Zach. 12.10. To make your Requeſt known unto God upon all occaſions; Read Phil. 4.6, 7. The peace of God ſhall keep your hearts and minds in Chriſt Jeſus. Math. 7.7, 8.Husbands for your Wives, and Wives for your Husbands; and both for your Children; with the greateſt reverence, and the beſt expreſſions you can as to your heavenly Father, who biddeth Ask; and you ſhall have. Thus may you obtain this great Bleſſing, That Love may continue firm and conſtant between Husband and Wife, whileſt you live to your comfort, and joy in Chriſt Jeſus for ever; which that it may be by Gods Bleſſing, and ſhall be my daily Prayer for you all. And that all Honour and Glory may be given to God the Father, God the Son, and God the bleſſed Spirit, now and for ever, Amen.