The Dead Saint Speaking to Saints and Sinners Living, Treatise 5 · Character 5
5. Character.
A heart ſincere in Prayer doth eye it ſelf in Prayer; it is a heart that diligently obſerves it ſelf in the duty; views all the workings of the ſoul, and takes notice of all the imperfections of the ſpirit in duty. As to gather comfort, and praiſe God if right, ſo to bee humbled and afflicted, if amiſs.
And indeed our ſincerity is as much diſcovered in lamenting the imperfections of a work, as in the moſt perfect performance of it. Where then the heart is ſincere, the ſoul takes notice of the imperfections that do accompany it, and when the duty is done, falls a lamenting the imperfections of its Faith, of its ſorrows, the deadneſs of its deſires. Ah! it now laments that hee hath beheld ſo much ſin with no more ſorrow, looked upon ſo many abominations with no more mourning. That hee hath had no more Faith to cloſe with the Promiſes of pardon, of Grace, of purging. That hee hath had ſo barren, ſo ſhallow, ſo ſleight thoughts of Gods love. That hee hath been ſo cold in his affections again towards God. That he hath had ſo ſleight conceptions of ſin, and no more ſorrow for it. That his heart hath been no more affected with the miſeries of others, nor no more inlarged to ſeek God for them. That there hath been ſo much earth in Heaven, ſo many carnal thoughts, ſo much diſtractions in his ſpiritual imploiment. Ah! my Brethren, a good heart ſits down when duty is done, and goes and mourns over all his Prayers, weeps over all his tears, confeſſeth all his confeſſions, and prayes over all his Prayers. And hee makes up the want of a duty with ſighs, the imperfection of a duty with tears.
Aſſure you ſelves, God is as much honoured in your mourning for imperfections of a duty, as hee is by your moſt perfect performance of it. Bluſhing in Gods account is perfect beauty. When a ſoul can bluſh and bee aſhamed for the blemiſhes which are in its ſpiritual beauty; God looks upon this ſoul as beautiful. This is all wee can do, to deſire and mourn, to aime at the higheſt in our deſires, and to mourn when wee fall ſhort of what wee deſire. A Chriſtian is made up of theſe two things, deſires, and mournings. Deſires, Oh that my heart were directed! Oh that I could beleeve more, love more, prize more! Oh that I were more agreeable to Gods Nature and Will, &c. and then comes in mournings, O miſerable man that I am! &c. Oh that my heart ſhould bee ſo hard, my ſpirit ſo dead, my ſoul ſo cold in holy exerciſes! And here is ſincerity, yea and here is the utmoſt wee can reach, when wee come unto the utmoſt wee can attain in this life;Vintores, non Comprehenſores. here wee are but travailers towards our home, not yet at home, in our way, not come to our reſt. And wee may well ſay it with our fellow travellers, while Auguſtine cryes out, I hate that which I am, Odi quod ſum, non ſum quod amo, &c.and love and deſire that which I am not. Oh wretched man that I am! in whom the Croſs of Chriſt hath not yet eaten out the poiſonous and bit… taſte of the firſt tree: Another hee ſaith, Lord, I ſee, and yet am blinde, I will, and yet rebel, I hate, and yet I love, I follow, and yet I fall, I preſs forward, yet I faint, I wreſtle, yet I halt.
Well then, let us make up the want of our beauty with a bluſh, the imperfections of our duties with ſighs and tears, and then caſt them all into the arms of Chriſt for acceptance.
If you convey a duty to him with tears, hee will preſent it to his Father with blood, hee will ſprinkle it with his own blood, mingle it with his own merits, perfume it with his own odors, as you read, Revel. 8.4. Whatever is offered by the ſpirit of Chriſt, ſhall bee preſented with the merits of Chriſt, and though never ſo weak, in him it ſhall finde acceptance; hee hath made us accepted in the beloved. Hee hath life enough to mingle with a dead Prayer, hee hath warmth enough to adde to a cold Prayer, hee hath holineſs ſufficient to adde to a duty full of ſin. Though as they come from us, our duties ſmell rank of the fleſh of ſin and corruption, yet being mingled with his odours, with his incenſe, they ſhall ſmell ſweet in the noſtrils of God. This is one part of Chriſts mediation, to put life to dead Prayers, to purchaſe acceptance for performances, which are but mean. If wee and our duties were perfect, wee did not ſtand in need of a Mediator; Chriſt would loſe one part of his office. And therefore when the duty is done, ſhew the ſincerity of your hearts in mourning for the imperfections, and caſt all into the arms of Chriſt, and live by Faith in confidence of acceptance; Who hath made us accepted in the beloved, not our perſons only, but our Prayers too.