The Saints Everlasting Rest, Treatise 4 · Chapter 14

The Saints Everlasting Rest · Treatise 4 · Chapter 14

p. 790CHAP. XIV. An Example of this Heavenly Contemplation, for the help of the unskilful. There remaineth a Rest to the people of God

§. 2.SECT. II.

REst! How sweet a word is this to mine ears? Methinks the sound doth turn to substance, and having entred at the ear, doth possess my brain, and thence descendeth down to my very heart; methinks I feel it stir and work, and that through all my parts and powers; but with a various work upon my various parts; to my wearied senses and languid spirits, it seems a quieting powerful Opiate; to my dulled powers it is spirit and life; to my dark eyes, it is both eye-salve and a prospective; to my taste it is sweetness; to mine ears it is melody; to my hands and feet it's strength and nimbleness: Methinks I feel it digest as it proceeds, and increase my native heat and moisture, and lying as a reviving cordial at my heart▪ from thence doth send forth lively spirits, which beat through all the pulses of my soul. Rest! Not as the stone that rests on the earth, nor as these clods of flesh shall rest in the grave; so our beast must rest as well as we; nor is it the …atisfying of our fleshly lusts, nor such a rest as the carnal world desireth; p. 791no, no, we have another kinde of rest then these: Rest we shall from all our labors, which were but the way and means to Rest, but yet that is the smallest part: O blessed Rest, where we shall never rest day or night, crying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Sabbaths! when we shall rest from sin, but not from worship! from suffering and sorrow, but not from solace! O blessed day, when I shall rest with God **Praemium est videre deum, vivere cum Deo, vivere de Deo, esse cum Deo, esse in in Deo, qui erit omnia in omnibus; habere deum qui est summum bonum, & ubi est summum bonum ibi est summa faelicitas, summa jucunditas, vera libertas, perfecta charitas, & aeterna securitas, Bern. de praemio coelest. Zeph. 3.17.Zeph 3:17! when I shall rest in the Arms and Bosome of my Lord! when I shall re…t in Knowing, Loving, Re…oycing and Praising! when my perfect soul and body together, shall in these perfect actings perfectly enjoy the most perfect God! when God also who is Love it self, shall perfectly love me! yea, and rest in his Love to me, as I shall rest in my love to him! and rejoyce over me with joy and singing, as I shall rejoyce in him! How neer is that most blessed joyful day? it comes apace, even he that comes will come, and will not tarry: Though my Lord do seem to delay his coming, yet a little while and he will be here: What is a few hundred years when they are over? How surely will his sign appear? and how suddenly will he seize upon the careless world? Even as the lightning that shines from East to West in a moment! He who is gone hence will even so return: Methinks I even hear the voyce of his foregoers! Methinks I see him coming in the clouds, with the attendants of his Angels in Majesty, and in Glory! O poor secure sinners, what will you now do? where will you hide your selves? or what shall cover you? mountains are gone, the earth and heavens that were are passed away; the devouring fire hath consumed all, except your selves, who must be the fuel for ever: O that you could consume as soon as the earth! and melt away as did the heavens! Ah, these wishes are now but vain; the Lamb himself would have been your friend, he would have loved you, and ruled you, and now have saved you; but you would not then, and now too late: Never cry Lord, Lord; too late, too late man; why dost thou look about? can any save thee? whether dost thou run? can any hide thee? O wretch! that hast brought thy self to this! Now blessed Saints that have Believed and Obeyed! This is the end of Faith and Patience: This is it for which you prayed and waited; Do you now repent your sufferings and sorrows? your self-denying and holy walking? Are your tears of Repentance now bitter or sweet? O see how the Judg doth smile upon you! there's love in his looks, The titles of p. 792Redeemer, Husband, Head, are written in his amiable, shining face: Heark, doth he not call you? He bids you stand here on his right hand; fear not, for there he sets his Sheep: O joyful Sentence pronounced by that blessed mouth! Come ye blessed of my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundations of the world; see how your Saviour takes you by the hand, go along you must, the door is open, the Kingdom's his, and therefore yours; there's your place before his Throne; The Father receiveth you as the Spouse of his Son, he bids you welcome to the Crown of Glory, never so unworthy crowned you must be: this was the project of free redeeming Grace, and this was the purpose of eternal Love. O blessed Grace! O blessed Love! O the frame that my soul will then be in! O how Love and Joy will stir! but I cannot express it! I cannot conceive it.

This is that Joy which was procured by Sorrow; this is that Crown which was procured by the Cross; my Lord did weep, that now my tears might be wip't away; he did bleed that I might now rejoyce; he was forsaken, that I might not now be forsaken; he did then dye, that I might now live. This weeping, wounded Lord, shall I behold, this bleeding Saviour shall I see, and live in him that dyed for me: O free Mercy that can exalt so vile a wretch! free to me, though dear to Christ! Free Grace that hath chosen me, when thousands were forsaken! when my companions in sin must burn in hell, and I must here rejoyce in Rest! here must I live with all these Saints! O comfortable meeting of my old acquaintance! with whom I prayed, and wept, and suffered; with whom I spoke of this day and place! I see the Grave could not contain you, the sea and earth must give up their dead; the same love hath redeemed and saved you also: This is not like our Cottages of Clay, nor like our Prisons, or earthly Dwellings: This voyce of Joy is not like our old complainings, our groans, our sighes, our impatient moans; nor this melodious praise like our scorns and revilings, nor like the oathes and curses which we heard on earth; this body is not like the body we had, nor this soul like the soul we had, nor this life like the life that then we lived: we have changed our place, we have changed our state, our cloathes, our thoughts, our looks, our Language: we have changed our company for the greater part, and the rest of our company is changed it self: Before a Saint was weak and despised, so full of pride and peevishness p. 793and other sins, that we could scarce oft-times discern their graces: But now how glorious a thing is a Saint! where is now their body of sin, which wearyed themselves and those about them? Where are now our different Judgments? our reproachful titles? our divided spirits? our exasperated passions? our strange looks? our uncharitable censures? Now we are all of one judgment of one name, of one heart, of one house, and of one glory. O sweet reconcilement! O happy Union! which makes us first to be one with Christ, and then to be one among our selves! Now our differences shall be dashed in our teeth no more, nor the Gospel reproached through our folly or scandall. O my soul, thou shalt never more lament the sufferings of the Saints; never more condole the Churches ruines; never bewail thy suffering freinds; nor lye wailing over their death-beds or their graves. Thou shalt never suffer thy old temptations, from Satan, the vvorld, or thy ovvn flesh: Thy body vvill no more be such a burden to thee: thy pains and sicknesses are all novv cured: thou shalt be troubled vvith vveakness and vveariness no more: Thy head is not novv an aking head; nor thy heart novv an aking heart; Thy hunger and thirst, and cold and sleep, thy labor and study are all gone. O vvhat a mighty change is this! From the dunghill to the throne! from persecuting sinners to praising Saints! from a body as vile as the carrion in the ditch, to a body as bright as the Sun in the firmament! from complainings under the displeasure of God, to the perfect enjoyment of him in Love! from all my doubts and fears of my condition, to this possession vvhichwhich hath put me out of doubt! from all my fearful thoughts of death, to this most blessed Joyful life! O vvhat a blessed change is this! Farevvell sin and suffering for ever: Farevvell my hard and rocky heart, farevvell my proud and unbelieving heart: farewell atheistical, idolatrous, vvorldly heart, farewell my sensual carnal heart; And novv welcome most holy, heavenly nature; vvhichwhich as it must be imployed in beholding the face of God, so is it full of God alone, and delighted in nothing else but him. O vvho can question the love vvhichwhich he doth so sweetly taste? or doubt of that which with such joy he seeleth? Farewell repentance, confession and supplication, farewel the most of hope and faith: and welcome love and joy and praise. I shall now have my harvest without plowing or sowing; my wine without the labor of the vintage: my joy without a Preacher p. 794or a promise: even all from the face of God himself. Thats the sight thats worth the seeing: thats the book thats worth the reading: What ever mixture is in the streams, there is nothing but pure joy in the fountain. Here shall I be incircled with Eternity, and come forth no more: here shall I live and ever live; and praise my Lord, and ever, ever, ever praise him. My face will not wrinkle nor my haire be gray, but this mortal shall have put on immortality, and this corruptible incorruption; and death shall be swallowed up in victory, O death where is now thy sting! O grave where is thy victory! The date of my lease will no more expire, nor shall I trouble my self with thoughts of death; nor loose my joyes through fear of losing them. When millions of ages are past, my glory is but beginning, and when millions more are past, it is no neerer ending. Every day is all noontide, and every monethmonth is May or harvest, and every yeer is there a jubilee, and every age is full manhood; and all this is one Eternity. O blessed Eternity! the glory of my glory! the perfection of my perfection!

Ah drowsie, earthy, blockish heart! How coldly dost thou think of this reviving day? Dost thou sleep when thou thinkest of eternal Rest? Art thou hanging earthward, when heaven is before thee? Hadst thou rather sit thee down in dirt and dung, then walk in the court of the Palace of God? Dost thou now remember thy worldly business? Art thou looking back to the Sodom of thy lusts? Art thou thinking of thy delights and merry company? wretched heart! Is it better to be there, then above with God? is the company better? are the pleasures greater? Come away; make no excuse, make no delay, God commands, and I command thee,That even the philosophers understood that there was a heaven, see Fernelius de abdit. rer. caus. cap. 9. And Aristol. de Caelo, l. 1. c 9. Manifestum est quod neque locus, neque vacuum, neque tempus est extra caelum. In omni enim loco corpus esse possibile est: Vacuum autem esse dicunt in quo non est corpus; possibile autem est esse. Tempus autem est numerus motus, motus autem sine naturali corpore non est, &c. Quapropter neque quae illic sunt, nata sunt in loco esse; neque tempus ipsa facit sen…scere, neque ulla transmulatio ullius eorum est, quae super extima disposita sunt latione, sed inalterabilia & impassiblia optimam habentia vitam, & per se sufficientissimam perseverant toto aevo; &c. come away, gird up thy loines: ascend the mount; and look about thee, with seriousness and with faith. Look thou not back upon the way of the wilderness, except it be when thine eyes are dazled with the glory, or when thou wouldst compare the Kingdom with that howling desert; that thou mayest more sensibly perceive the mighty difference. Fix thine eye upon the Sun it self; and p. 795look not down to Earth as long as thou art able to behold it; except it be to discern more easily, the brightness of the one, by the darkness of the other. Yonder, far above yonder, is thy Fathers glory; yonder must thou dwell when thou leavest this Earth; yonder must thou remove, O my soul, when thou departest from this body: And when the power of thy Lord hath raised it again, and joyned thee to it; yonder must thou live with God for ever. There is the glorious New Jerusalem, the Gates of Pearl, the foundations of Pearl, the Streets and Pavements of transparent Gold: Seest thou that Sun which lighteth all this world; why, it must be taken down as useless there, or the glory of Heaven will darken it, and put it out; even thy self shall be as bright as yonder shining Sun: God will be the Sun, and Christ the Light, and in his Light shalt thou have light.

What thinkest thou, O my soul, of this most blessed state? What! Dost thou stagger at the Promise of God through unbelief? Though thou say nothing, or profess belief; yet thou speakest so coldly and so customarily, that I much suspect thee: I know thy infidelity is thy natural vice. Didst thou beleeve indeed, thou wouldst be more affected with it? Why, hast thou not it under the hand and seal, and oath of God? Can God lie? or he that is the Truth it self, be false? Foolish wretch! What need hath God to flatter thee, or deceive thee? why should he promise thee more, then he will perform? Art thou not his Creature? a little crum of dust? a scrawling worm? ten thousand times more below him, then this flie or worm is below thee? wouldst thou flatter a flea, or a worm? what need hast thou of them? If they do not please thee, thou wilt crush them dead, and never accuse thy self of cruelty: Why yet they are thy Fellow Creatures, made of as good mettal as thy self; and thou hast no Authority over them, but what thou hast received: How much less need hath God of thee? or why should he care, if thou perish in thy folly? Cannot he govern thee without either flattery or falshood? cannot he easily make thee obey his will? and as easily make thee suffer for thy disobedience? Wretched unbelieving heart! Tell a fool, or tell a Tyrant, or tell some false and flattering man of drawing their subjects by false promises, and procuring obedience by deceitful means: But do thou not dare to charge the Wise, Almighty, Faithful God, with this. Above all men it beseems not thee to p. 794duplicate page p. 795duplicate page p. 794duplicate page p. 795duplicate page p. 796doubt, either of this Scripture being his infallible Word, or of the performance of this Word to thy self. Hath not Argument convinced thee? may not thy own experience utterly silence thee? How oft hath this Scripture been verified for thy good? how many of the promises have been performed to thee? hath it not quickened thee? and converted thee? hast not thou felt in it something more then humane? would God perform anothers promise? or would he so powerfully concur with a feigned word? If thou hadst seen the miracles that Christ and his Apostles wrought, thou wouldst never sure have questioned the truth of their doctrine: why they delivered it down by such undoubted testimony, that it may be called Divine as well as Humane. Nay, hast thou not seen its Prophecies fulfilled? hast thou not lived in an age, wherein such wonders have been wrought, that thou hast now no cloak for thy unbelief? hast thou not seen the course of Nature changed? and works beyond the power of nature wrought? and all this in the fulfilling of this Scripture? hast thou so soon forgotten since nature failed me, and strength failed me, and blood, and spirits, and flesh, and friends, and all means did utterly fail? and how Art and Reason had sentenced me for dead? and yet how God revoked the sentence? and at the request of praying, believing Saints, did turn thee to the Promise which he verified to thee? And canst thou yet question the truth of this Scripture? hast thou seen so much to confirm thy faith, in the great actions of seven yeers past, and canst thou yet doubt? Thou hast seen signes and wonders, and art thou yet so unbelieving? O wretched heart! Hath God made thee a promise of Rest, and wilt thou come short of it? and shut out thy self through unbelief? Thine eyes may fail thee, thy ears deceive thee, and all thy senses prove delusions, sooner then a promise of God can delude thee. Thou maist be surer of that which is written in the Word, then if thou see it with thine eyes, or feel it with thy hands. Art thou sure thou livest? or sure that this is Earth which thou standest on? art thou sure thine eyes do see the Sun? As sure is all this glory to the Saints; as sure shall I be higher then yonder stars, and live for ever in the Holy City, and joyfully sound forth the praise of my Redeemer; if I be not shut out by this evil heart of unbelief, causing me to depart from the living God.

And is this Rest so sweet, and so sure? O then, what means the p. 797careless world? Do they know what it is they so neglect? did they ever hear of it? or are they yet asleep? or are they dead? Do they know for certain that the Crown's before them, while they thus sit still, or follow trifles? undoubtedly they are quite beside themselves, to minde so much their provision in the way, and strive, and care, and labor for trifles, when they are hasting so fast to another world, and their eternal happiness lies at stake Were there left one spark of VVit or Reason, they would never sell their Rest for toil, nor sell their Glory for worldly vanities, nor venture Heaven for the pleasure of a sin. Ah poor men! That you would once consider what you hazard, and then you would scorn these tempting baits. O blessed for ever be that love, that hath rescued me from this mad bewitching darkness!

Draw neerer yet then,Love acted. O my soul; bring forth thy strongest burning Love; here's matter for it to work upon; here's something truly worth thy loving. O see what beauty presents it self: Is it not exceeding lovely? is not all the beauty in the world contracted here? is not all other beauty deformity to it? Dost thou need to be perswaded now to love? Here's a feast for thine eyes; a feast for all the powers of thy soul: dost thou need to be intreated to feed upon it? Canst thou love a little shining Earth? canst thou love a walking piece of clay? and canst thou not love that God, that Christ, that Glory, which is so truly and unmeasurably lovely? Thou canst love thy friend, because he loves thee: And is the love of thy friend, like the love of Christ? Their weeping or bleeding for thee, doth not ease thee, nor stay the course of thy tears or blood: But the tears and blood that fell from thy Lord, have all a soveraign healing vertue, and are waters of Life, and Balsam to thy faintings, and thy sores. O my soul! If love deserve, and should procure love, what incomprehensible love is here before thee? Pour out all the store of thy affections here; and all is too little. O that it were more! O that it were many thousand times more! Let him be first served, that served thee first; let him have the first born, and strength of thy love, who parted with strength and life in love to thee: If thou hast any to spare when he hath his part, let it be imparted then to standers-by. See what a Sea of love is here before thee; cast thy self in, and swim with the arms of thy love in this Ocean of his p. 796duplicate page p. 797duplicate page p. 798love: Fear not least thou shouldst be drowned, or confirmed in it; Though it seem as the scalding **In which it is said Saint John was cast and came out anointed only.furnace of lead, yet thou will finde it but mollifying oyle; Though it seeme a furnace of fire, and the hottest that ever was kindled upon earth, yet is it the fire of love and not of wrath; a fire most effectual to extinguish fire; never intended to consume, but to glorifie thee: venture into it then in thy believing meditations, and walk in these flames with the Son of God; when thou art once in, thou wilt be sorry to come forth again. O my soul! what wantest thou here to provoke thy love? Dost thou love for excellency? why thou seest nothing below but baseness, except as they relate to thy enjoyments above. Yonder is the Goshen, the region of light, this is a Land of palpable darkness. Yonder twinkling Stars, that shining moon, the radiant Sun; are all but as the Lanthorns hanged out at thy fathers house, to light thee while thou walkest in the dark streets of the earth: But little dost thou know (ah little indeed) the glory and blessed mirth that is within! Dost thou love for suitableness? why what person more suitable then Christ? his Godhead, his manhood, his fulness his freeness, his willingness, his constancy, do all proclaime him thy most suitable friend. What state more suitable to thy misery, then that of mercy? or to thy sinfulness and baseness, then that of honor and perfection? What place more suitable to thee then heaven? Thou hast had a sufficient tryal of this world: Dost thou finde it agree with thy nature or desires? are these common abominations, these heavy sufferings, these unsatisfying vanities suitable to thee? or dost thou love for interest and neer relation? Why where hast thou better interest then in heaven? or where hast thou neerer relation then there? Dost thou love for acquaintance and familiarity? Why though thine eyes have never seen thy Lord, yet he is never the further from thee: If thy son were blinde; yet he would love thee his father, though he never saw thee; Thou hast heard the voice of Christ to thy very heart, thou hast received his benefits; thou hast lived in his bosome, and art thou not yet acquainted with him? It is he that brought thee seasonably and safety into the world: It is he that nursed thee up in thy tender infancy, and helped thee when thou couldst not help thy self: He taught thee to go, to speak, to read, to understand: He taught thee to know thy self and him; he opened thee that first window whereby thou p. 799sawest into heaven: Hast thou forgotten since thy heart was careless, and he did quicken it? and hard and stubborn, and he did soften it, and made it yeeld? when it was at peace, and he did trouble it? and whole, till he did break it? and broken, till he did heal it again? Hast thou forgotten the time▪ nay the many, very many times, when he found thee in secret all in tears; when he heard thy dolorous sighes and groans; and left all to come and comfort thee? when he came in upon thee, and took thee up, as it were in his armes, and asked thee, Poor soul what doth aile thee? dost thou weep, when I have wept so much? Be of good cheer; thy wounds are saving, and not deadly. It is I that have made them, who mean thee no hurt, Though I let out thy blood, I will not let out thy life.

O me thinks I remember yet his voice, and feel those embracing armes that took me up, How gently did he handle me! how carefully did he dress my wounds and binde them up! Me thinks I hear him still saying to me, Poor sinner, though thou hast dealt unkindly with me, and cast me off; yet will not I do so by thee; though thou hast set light by me and all my mercies, yet both I and All are thine; what wouldst thou have, that I can give thee? and what dost thou want that I cannot give thee? If any thing I have will pleasure thee, thou shalt have it; If any thing in heaven or earth will make the happy, why it is all thine own; Wouldst thou have pardon? thou shalt have it, I freely forgive thee all the debt: wouldst thou have grace and peace? thou shalt have them both; wouldst thou have my self? why, behold, I am thine, thy friend, thy Lord, thy brother, thy husband, and thy head; wouldst thou have the Father? why I will bring thee to him; and thou shalt have him in and by me.—These were my Lords reviving words; These were the melting, healing, raising, quickening passages of love. After all this, when I was doubtful of his love; me thinks I yet remember his overcoming and convincing Arguments.—Why sinner, have I done so much to testifie my Love, and yet dost thou doubt? Have I made thy believing it, the condition of enjoying it, and yet dost thou doubt? Have I offered thee my self and love so long, and yet dost thou question my willingness to be thine? VVhy what could I have done more then I have done? At what dearer rate should I tell thee that I love thee? Read yet the story of my bitter passion, wilt thou not believe p. 800that it proceeded from love? Did I ever give thee cause to be so jealous of me? Or to think so hardly of me, as thou dost? Have I made my self in the Gospel, a Lyon to thine enemies, and a Lamb to thee, and dost thou so over-look my Lamb like nature? Have I set mine arms and heart there open to thee, and wilt thou not believe but they are shut? why, if I had been willing to let thee perish, I could have done it at a cheaper rate, what need I then have done and suffered so much? what need I follow thee with so long patience and intreating? what dost thou tell me of thy wants? have I not enough for me and thee? and why dost thou foolishly tell me of thy unworthiness, and thy sin? I had not died, if man had not sinned? if thou wert not a sinner, thou wert not for me; if thou wert worthy thy self, what shouldst thou do with my worthiness? Did I ever invite the worthy and the righteous? or did I ever save or justifie such or is there any such on earth? Hast thou nothing? art thou lost and miserable? art thou helpless and forlorn? dost thou believe that I am a sufficient Saviour? and wouldst thou have me? why then take me, Lo, I am thine; if thou be willing I am willing, and neither sin nor devils shall break the match.

These, O these were the blessed words, which his Spirit from his Gospel spoke unto me, till he made me cast my self it his feet, ye into his arms, and to cry out, My Saviour and my Lord: Thou hast broke my heart, thou hast revived my heart, thou hast overcome, thou hast wone my heart, take it, it is thine; if such a heart can please thee, take it, if it cannot, make it such as thou wouldst have it. —Thus, O my soul, maist thou remember the sweet familiarity thou hast had with Christ; therefore if acquaintance will cause affection, O then let out thy heart unto him; it is he that hath stood by thy bed of sickness, that hath cooled thy heats, and eased thy pains, and refreshed thy weariness, and removed thy fears; He hath been always ready; when thou hast earnestly sought him; He hath given thee the meeting in publike and in private; He hath been found of thee in the Congregation, in thy house, in thy chamber, in the field, in the way as thou wast walking, in thy waking nights, in thy deepest dangers. O if bounty and compassion be an attractive of Love how unmeasurably then am I bound to love him? All the mercies that have filled up my life, do tell me this, all the places that ever I did abide in, all the societies and p. 801persons that I have had to deal with, every condition of life that I have passed through, all my imployments, and all my relations, every change that hath befaln me, all tell me, That the Fountain is Overflowing Goodness.—Lord, what a summ of love am I indebted to thee? and how doth my debt continually increase? how should I love again for so much love? But what? shall I dare to think of making thee requital? or of recompencing all thy love with mine! will my mite requite thee for thy golden Mines? my seldom wishes for thy constant bounty? or mine which is nothing or not mine, for thine which is infinite and thine own? shall I dare to contend in love with thee? or set my borrowed languid spark, against the Element and Sun of Love! Can I love as high, as deep, as broad, as long **Quemadmodum umbram nostram superare non datur quippe quae tantum praeit quantum progredimur, & aequa portiene semper antecedit, neque supra caput esse potest corporis magnitudo, cum illud semper corpori superpositum sit; sic neque Deum largiendo vincere possumus. Neque enim quippiam largimur quod illius non sit, aut magnificentiam & liberalitatem antecedat; considera unde sit tibi id ipsum quod es, quod spiras, quod sapis, & id quod maximum est, quod Deum cognoscis, quod speras regnum coelorum, aequalem angelis dignitatem, puram, perfectamque gloriae quam nunc in speculis & aenigmatibus cernis contemplationem; qúod factus es filius Dei, cohaeres Christi (audacter dicam) & Deus ipse. Nazianzen. in orat. de pauper. amand. &c.as Love it self? as much as he that made me? and that made me love? that gave me all that little which I have▪ both the heart, the hearth where it is kindled, the bellows, the fire, the fuel, and all were his: As I cannot match thee in the works of thy Power, nor make, nor preserve, nor guide the worlds; so why should I think any moreof matching thee in Love? No, Lord, I yield, I am unable, I am overcome; O blessed conquest! Go on victoriously, and still prevail, and triumph in thy love: The Captive of Love, shall proclaim thy victory; when thou leadest me in triumph from Earth to Heaven, from Death to Life, from the Tribunal to the Throne, my self, and all that see it, shall acknowledg that thou hast prevailed, and all shall say, Behold how he loved him. — Yet let me love thee in subjection to thy Love, as thy redeemed Captive, though not thy Peer; shall I not love at all because I cannot reach thy measure? or at least, let me heartily wish to love thee. O that I were able! O that I could feelingly say, I love thee! even as I feel I love my friend, and my self! Lord, that I could do it! but alas, I cannot, fain I would, but alas, I cannot. Would I not love thee, if I were but able? Though I cannot say as thy Apostle, Thou knowest that I Love thee, yet can I say, Lord, thou knowest that I would love thee; but I speak not this to excuse my fault, it is a crime that admits of no excuse, and it is my own, it dwelleth as neer me as my very heart; if my heart be my own, this sin is my own, yea and more my own then my heart is. —Lord, what shall this sinner do? the fault is my own, p. 800duplicate page p. 801duplicate page p. 802and yet I cannot help it; I am angry with my heart that it doth not love thee, and yet I feel it love thee never the more; I frown up on it, and yet it cares not, I threaten it, but it doth not feel, I chide it, and yet it doth not mend, I reason with it, and would fain perswade it, and yet I do not perceive it stir, I rear it up as a carkass upon its legs, but it neither goes nor stands, I rub and chafe it in the use of thine Ordinances, and yet I feel it not warm within me.—O miserable man that I am—unworthy soul! is not thine eye now upon the onelyonly lovely object? and art thou not beholding the ravishing glory of the Saints? and yet dost thou not love? and yet dost thou not feel the fire break forth? why, art thou not a soul? a living spirit? and is not thy love the choicest piece of thy life? Art thou not a rational soul? and shouldst not thou love according to Reasons conduct? and doth it not tell thee, that all is dirt and dung to Christ? that earth is a dungeon to the celestial glory? Art thou not a spirit thy self? and shoulst thou not love spiritually? even God, who is a Spirit, and the Father of Spirits? Doth not every creature love their like? why, my soul? art thou like to flesh… or gold? or stately buildings? art thou like to meat and drink, or cloathes? wilt thou love no higher then thy horse or swine? hast thou nothing better to love then they? what is the beauty that thou hast so admired? canst thou not even wink or think it all into darkness or deformity? when the night comes, it is nothing to thee, while thou hast gazed on it, it hath withered away; a Botch or Scab, the wrinkles of consuming sickness, or of age, do make it as loathsom as it was before delightful; suppose but that thou sawest that beautiful carcass lying on the Bier, or rotting in the grave, the skull dig'd up, and the bones scattered; where is now thy lovely object? couldst thou sweetly embrace it, when the soul is gone, or take any pleasure in it, when there is nothing left thats like thy self? Ah, why then dost thou love a skinful of dirt, and canst love no more the heavenly Glory? What thinkest thou? shalt thou love when thou comest there? when thou seest? when thou dost enjoy? when the Lord shall take thy carcass from the grave, and make thee shine as the Sun in glory, and when thou shalt everlastingly dwell in the blessed presence? shalt thou then love, or shalt thou not? is not the place, a meeting of lovers? is not the life a state of love? is it not the great marriage day of the Lamb? when he will embrace and entertain his Spouse p. 803with love? is not the imployment there the work of love? where the souls with Christ do take their fill?Cant. 5.8.Song 5:8 O then, my soul, begin it here; be sick of love now▪ that thou maist be well with love there; keep thy self now in the love of God (Jude 21.) and let neither life nor death,Rom. 8.35.Rom 8:35 nor any thing separate thee from it, and thou shalt be kept in the fulness of love for ever, and nothing shalt imbitter or abate thy pleasure, for the Lord hath prepared a city of love, a place for the communicating of love to his chosen, and those that love his Name shall dwell there, Psal. 69.36.

Awake then,Joy. O my drowsie soul! who but an Owl or Mole would love this worlds uncomfortable darkness, when they are called forth to live in light? to sleep under the light of Grace is unreasonable, much more in the approach of the light of Glory: The night of thy ignorance and misery is past, the day of glorious Light is at hand, this is the day-break betwixt them both: Though thou see not yet the Sun it self appear, methinks the twilight of a promise should revive thee! Come forth then, O my dull congealed spirits! and leave these earthly Cels of dumpish sadness! and hear thy Lord that bids thee Rejoyce, and again Rejoyce; thou hast lain here long enough in thy prison of flesh, where Satan hath been thy Jaylor, and the things of this world have been the Stocks for the feet of thy Affections, where cares have been thy Trons, and fears thy Scourge, and the bread and water of Affliction thy food, where sorrows have been thy lodging, and thy sins and foes have made the bed, and a carnal, hard, unbelieving heart have been the iron gates & bars that have kept thee in, that thou couldst scarce have leave to look through the Lattices, and see one glimpse of the immortal light: The Angel of the Covenant now calls thee, and strikes thee, and bids thee Arise and follow him: up, O my soul, and cheerfully obey, and thy bolts and bars shall all fly open; do thou obey, and all will obey: follow the Lamb which way ever he leads thee: Art thou afraid because thou knowst not whither? Can the place be worse then where thou art? Shouldst thou fear to follow such a guide? Can the Sun lead thee to a state of darkness? or can he mislead thee that is the light of every man that cometh into the world? will he lead thee to death, who died to save thee from it? or can he do thee any hurt, who for thy sake did suffer so much? follow him, and he will shew thee the Paradise of God, he will give thee a sight of the New Jerusalem, he will give thee a taste of the Tree of p. 804Life: Sit no longer then by the fire of earthly common comforts, whether the cold of carnal fears and sorrows did drive thee; thy Winter is past, and wilt thou house thy self still in earthly thoughts, and confine thy self to drooping and dulness? even the silly Flies will leave their holes when the Winter is over, and the Sun draws neer them; the Ants will stir, the Fishes rise, the Birds will sing, the earth look green, and all with joyful note will tell thee the Spring is come; Come forth then, O my drooping soul, and lay aside thy Winter mourning Robes, let it be seen in thy believing Joyes and Praise, that the day is appearing, and the Spring is come; and as now thou seest thy comforts green, thou shalt shortly see them white and ripe for Harvest; and then thou who art now called forth to see and taste, shalt be called forth to reap, and gather, and take possession. Shall I suspend and delay my joyes till then? should not the joyes of the Spring go before the joyes of Harvest? Is Title nothing before possession? Is the heir in no better a state then the slave? My Lord hath taught me to rejoyce in hope of his glory,Rom. 5.2.Rom 5:2 and to see it thorow the bars of a Prison: and even when I am persecuted for righteousness sake, when I am reviled, and all manner of evil sayings are said against me falsly for his sake, then hath he commanded me to rejoyce and be exceeding glad,Mat. 5.10, 11, 12.Matt 5:10Matt 5:11Matt 5:12 because of this my great reward in Heaven. How justly is an unbelieving heart possessed by sorrow; and made a prey to cares and fears, when it self doth create them, and thrust away its offered peace and joy? I know it is the pleasure of my bounteous Lord, that none of his family should want for Comfort: nor live such a poor, and miserable life, nor look with such a famished dejected face: I know he would have my joyes exceed my sorrowes; And as much as he delighteth in the humble and contrite, yet doth he more delight in the soul as it delighteth in him: I know he taketh no pleasure in my self-procured sadness; nor would he call on me to weep or mourn, but that it is the only way to these delights. Would I spread the Table before my guest, and bring him forth my best provision, and bid him sit down, and eat and welcome, if I did not unfeignedly desire he should do so? Hath my Lord spread me a table in this Wilderness, and furnished it with the promises of Everlasting Glory, and set before me Angels food, and broched for me the side of his beloved Son, that I might have a better wine then the blood of the Grape? p. 805Doth he so frequently and importunately invite me to sit down, and draw forth my faith, and feed, and spare not? Nay hath he furnished me to that end with reason, and faith, and a rejoycing disposition? And yet is it possible that he should be unwilling of my joyes? Never think it, O my unbelieving soul; nor dare to charge him with thy uncomfortable heaviness, who offereth thee the foretaste of the highest delights, that heaven doth afford, and God bestow. Doth he not bid thee delight thy self in the Lord? and promise to give thee then the desires of thy heart?Psal. 37.4. 1 Thes. 5.16. Psal. 32.11.Ps 37:41 Thess 5:16Ps 32:11 Hath he not charged thee to rejoyce evermore? Yea to sing aloud, and shout for joy? Psal. 47.1. Why should I then draw back discouraged? My God is willing, if I were but willing. He is delighted in my delights. He would faine have it my constant frame, and daily business, to be neer to him in my believing Meditations; and to live in the sweetest thoughts of his goodness, and to be always delighting my soul in himself. O blessed work! Employment fit for the sons of God!

But, ah my Lord, thy feast is nothing to me without an appetite: Thou must give me a stomack as well as meat. Thou hast set the dainties of heaven before me, but alas, I am blinde, and cannot see them; I am sick, and cannot relish them; I am so benummed, that I cannot put forth a hand to take them. What is the glory of Sun and Moon to a clod of earth? Thou knowest I need thy subjective grace, as well as thine objective, and that thy works upon mine own distempered soul, is not the smallest part of my salvation. I therefore humbly beg this grace, that as thou hast opened heaven unto me in thy blessed word, so thou wouldest open mine eyes to see it, and my heart to affect it: else heaven will be no heaven to me. Awake therefore O thou Spirit of Life, and breath upon thy Graces in me; blow upon the garden of my heart, that the spices thereof may flow out; Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant fruits (Cant. 4.16.) And take me by the hand, and lift me up from earth to thy self, … I may fetch one walk in the garden of glory, and see by Faith what thou hast laid up for them that love thee and wait for thee.

Away then you soul-tormenting cares and fears! Away you importune heart-vexing sorrows! At least forbear me a little while; stand by, and trouble not my aspiring soul; stay here below, whilest I go up, and see my Rest. The way is strange to me, but p. 806not to Christ. There was the eternal dwelling of his glorious deitie; And thither hath he also brought his assumed glorified flesh. It was his work to purchase it; it is his work to prepare it, and to prepare me for it, and to bring me to it. The Eternal God of truth hath given me his promise, his seal, and his oath to assure me,John 3.16.John 3:16 that believing in Christ I shall not perish, but have everlasting life; Thither shall my soul be speedily removed, and my body very shortly follow. It is not so far▪ but he that is every where can bring me thither, nor so difficult and unlikely, but Omnipotencie can effect it. And though this unbelief may diminish my delights, and much abate my joyes in the way, Yet shall it not abate the love of my Redeemer, nor make the promise of none effect. And can my tongue say, that I shall shortly and surely live with God; and yet my heart not leap within me? Can I say it believingly, and not rejoycingly? Ah faith! how sensibly now do I perceive thy weakness? Ah unbelief! if I had never heard or known it before, yet how sensibly now do I perceive thy malicious tyranny? But, though thou darken my light, and dull my life, and suppress my joyes, yet shalt thou not be able to conquer and destroy me. There shall I, and my joyes survive, when thou art dead, and though thou envy all my comforts, yet some in despight of thee, I shall even here receive; But were it not for thee, what abundance might I have? The light of Heaven would shine into my heart; and I might be as familiar there as I am on earth.

Come away my soul then, stop thine ears to the ignorant language of infidelity; Thou art able to answer all its Arguments; Or if thou be not, yet tread them under thy feet. Come away, stand not looking on that grave, nor turning those bones, nor reading thy lesson now in the dust; Those lines will soon be wiped out: But lift up thy head and look to heaven; and read thy instructions in those fixed Stars: Or yet look higher then those eyes can see into that foundation which standeth sure;2 Tim. 2.19. Rev. 13.8. and 18. Luke 10.20.2 Tim 2:19Rev 13:8Rev 13:18Luke 10:20 and see thy name in golden letters written before the foundations of the world, in the book of life of the slain Lamb. What if an Angel from Heaven should tell thee, that there is a mansion prepared for thee? that it shall certainly be thine own, and thou shalt possess it for ever? would not such a message make thee glad? And dost thou make light of the infallible word of promises, which were delivered by p. 807the spirit,2 King. 2.11.2 Kgs 2:11 and by the Son himself? Suppose thou hadst seen a fiery chariot come for thee, and fetch thee up to Heaven like Elias! would not this rejoyce thee? Why, my Lord hath acquainted me, and assured me, that the soul of a Lazarus, a begger, goes not forth of its corrupted flesh, but a Convoy of Angels are ready to attend it, and bring it to the comforts in Abrahams bosome. Shall a drunkard be so merry among his cups? and a glutton in his delicious fare? and the proud in his bravery and dignity? and the lustful wanton in the enjoyment of his mate? And shall not I rejoyce who must shortly be in Heaven? How glad is voluptuous youth of their playtimes and holydayes? VVhy, in Heaven I shall have an everlasting Holyday of Pleasure. Can meat and drink delight me when I hunger and thirst? Can I finde pleasure in walks and gardens and convenient dwellings? Can beauteous sights delight mine eyes? and odors my smell? and melody mine ears? And shall not the forethought of the Celestial bliss delight me? my beast is glad of his fresh pasture, and his liberty, and his Rest: And shall not I? What delight have I found in my private studies, especially when they have prospered to the increase of my knowledg! me thinks I could bid the world farewel, and immure my self among my books, and look forth no more (were it a lawful course) but (as Heinsius in his Library at Leyden) shut the doors upon me, and as in the lap of Eternity, among those divine souls, imploy my self in sweet content, and pitty the rich and great ones that know not this happiness. Sure then it is a high delight indeed, which in the true lap of Eternity is enjoyed! If Lipsius thought when he did but read Seneca, that he was even upon Olympus top, above mortality and humane things: VVhat a case shall I be in when I am beholding Christ? If Julius Scaliger thought twelve verses in Lucan better then the whole German Empire.Leon. Diggs praefat. ad perpet. prognost. What shall I think mine inheritance worth? If the Mathematicks alone are so delectable, that their students do profess, that they should think it sweet to live and dye in those studies: How delectable then will my life be, when I shall fully and clearly know those things, which the most learned do now know but doubtfully and darkly? In one hour shall I see all difficulties vanish; and all my doubts in Physicks, Metaphysicks, Politicks, Medicine, &c. shall be resolved; so happy are the students of that University. Yea all the depths in divinity will be uncovered to p. 808me, and all the difficult knots untyed; and the book unsealed, and mine eyes opened. For in knowing God; I shall know all things, that are fit or good for the creature to know. There Commeni'us attempt is perfected; and all the sciences reduced to one. Seneca thought, that he that lived without books, was but buried alive: But had he known what it is to enjoy God in glory, he would have said indeed, that to live without him, is to be buried alive in hell.

If Apollonius travelled into Aethiopia and Persia to consult with the learned there: And if Plato and Pythagoras left their country to see those wise Egyptian Priests: And if (as Hierom saith) many travelled thousand miles to see and speak with eloquent Livy: And if the queen of Sheba came from Ethiopia to hear the wisdome of Solomon, and see his glory; O how gladly should I leave this Countrey! how cheerfully should I pass from earth to Heaven! to see the glory of that Eternal Majesty; and to attain my self that height of wisdom, in comparison of which the most learned on earth, are but silly, bruitish fools and Ideots! If Bernard were so ravished with the delights of his Monastery (where he lived in poverty, without the common pleasures of the world) because of its green banks, and shady bowers, and herbes and trees, and various objects to feed the eyes, and fragrant smels, and sweet and various tunes of Birds, together with the opportunity of devout contemplations, that he cryes out in admiration, Lord, VVhat abundance of delights dost thou provide, even for the poor? How then should I be ravished with the description of the Court of Heaven? where in stead of hearbs and trees and birds and bowers, I shall enjoy God and my Redeemer, Angels, Saints, and unexpressible pleasures? and therefore should with more admiration cry out, Lord, what delights hast thou provided, for us miserable and unworthy wretches that wait for thee! If the heaven of glass which the Persian Emperor framed, were so glorious a piece: and the heaven of silver which the Emperor Ferdinand sent to the great Turk; because of their rare artificial representations and motions; VVhat will the Heaven of Heavens then be? which is not formed by the Art of man, nor beautified like these childish toyes; but is the matchless Pallace of the great King, built by himself for the residence of his glory, and the perpetual entertainment of his beloved p. 809Saints. Can a poor deluded Mahometan rejoyce in expectation of a feigned sensual Paradise?Du Bartas in the second day of the first week. Th' Empyreal Pallace, where th' eternal Treasures Of Nectar flow; where everlasting pleasures Are heaped up, where an immortal May In blisful beauties flourisheth for aye: Where life still lives: where God his Sizes hold's Environd round with Seraphins, and souls Bought with his pretious blood, whose glorious flight Yerst mounted earth above the heavens bright. And shall not I rejoyce in expectation of a certain Glory? If the honor of the ambitious, or the wealth of the covetous person do increase, his heart is lifted up with his estate, as a boate that riseth with the rising of the water: If they have but a little more lands or money then their neighbors, how easily may you see it in their countenance and carriage? How high do they look? how big do they speak? how stately and loftily do they demean themselves? And shall not the heavenly loftiness and height of my spirit, discover my title to this promised land? shall I be the adopted Son of God, and coheir with Christ of that blessed inheritance, and daily look when I am put into possession? and shall not this be seen in my joyful countenance? What if God had made me commander of the earth? What if the mountains would remove at my command? What if I could heal all diseases with a word or a touch? What if the infernal spirits were all at my command? Should I not rejoyce in such priviledges and honors as these? yet is it my Saviours command, not to rejoyce that the divels are subject to us: but in this to rejoyce, that our names are written in heaven.

I cannot here enjoy my parents, or my neer and beloved friends without some delight: especially when I did too freely let out my affections to my friend, how sweet was that very exercise of my love! O what will it then be to live in the perpetual love of God! For brethren here to live together in Unity, how good and pleasant a thing is it? To see a family live in love: husband, wife, parents, children, servants, doing all in love to one another; To see a Town live together in love, without any envyings, brawlings, heart-burnings or contentions,Boeth. l. 2. Met. 8. O foelix hominum genus Si vestros animos amor Quo caelum regitur regat. scornes law-suits, factions or divisions; but every man loving his neighbor as himself, and thinking they can never do too much for one another, but striving to go beyond each other in love; O how happy and delectable a sight is this? O sweetest bands (saith Seneca) which binde so happily, that those that are so bound, do love their binders, and desire still to be bound more closely, and even reduced into one! O then, what a p. 810blessed society will be the Family of Heaven? and those peaceable Inhabitants of the New Jerusalem? where is no division, nor dissimilitude, nor differing Judgments, nor disaffection, nor strangeness, nor deceitful friendship, never an angry thought or look, never a cutting unkinde expression, but all are one in Christ, who is one with the Father,Eras. Apotheg. Anima est ubi amat, non ubi animat. and live in the love of Love himself? Cato could say, That the soul of a Lover dwelleth in the person whom he loveth; and therefore we say, The soul is not more where it liveth and enlighteneth then where it loveth. How neer then will my soul be closed to God, and how sweet must that conjunction be, when I shall so heartily, strongly, and uncessantly love him? As the Bee lies sucking and satiating her self with the sweetness of the Flower; or rather as the childe lies sucking the Mothers brest, inclosed in her arms, and sitting in her lap; even so shall my loving soul be still feeding on the sweetness of the God of Love. Ah wretched, fleshly, unbelieving heart! that can think of such a day, and work, and life as this, with so low and dull and feeble joyes! But my enjoying Joyes will be more lively.

How delectable is it to me to behold and study these inferior works of God? to read those Anatomical Lectures of Du Bartas upon this great dissected body! what a beautiful fabrick is this great house which here we dwell in? The floor so drest with various Herbs, and Flowrs, and Trees, and watered with Springs and Rivers, and Seas! the roof so wide expanded! so admirably adorned! Such astonishing workmanship in every part! The studies of an hundred Ages more (if the world should last so long) would not discover the mysteries of divine skill, which are to be found in the narrow compass of our bodies. What Anatomist is not amazed in his Search and Observations? What wonders then do Sun, and Moon, and Stars, and Orbs, and Seas, and VVindes, and Fire, and Aire, and Earth, &c. afford us! And hath God prepared such a house for our silly sinful corruptible flesh! and for a soul imprisoned▪ and doth he bestow so many millions of wonderful rarities, even upon his enemies! O then what a dwelling must that needs be, which he prepareth for pure, refined, spiritual, glorified ones! and which he will bestow onelyonly upon his dearly beloved children, whom he hath chosen out, to make his mercy on them glorified and admired! As far as our perfected glorified bodies will excel this frail and corruptible flesh, so far wil the glory of p. 811the New Jerusalem exceed all the present glory of the creatures. The change upon our Mansion, will be proportionable to the change upon our selves. Arise then, O my soul, by these steps, in thy Contemplation! and let thy thoughts of that glory (were it possible) as far in sweetness exceed thy thoughts of the excellencies below: Fear not to go out of this body, and this world, when thou must make so happy a change as this; but say, as Zuingerus when he was dying [**Gaudeo ego atque adeo exulto, jam tandem illuxisse tempus, quo ille, ille praepotens; Jehova cujus Majesta…em in naturae indagatione miratus sum, veneratus quoque bonitatem, quem fide desideravi, quem suspiravi, a facie jam se mibi ad faciem visendum exhibebit. Melchior Adam in vitis Germanorum m…dicorum. pag. 416. I am glad, and even leap for joy, that at last the time is come wherein that, even that mighty Jehovah, whose Majesty in my search of Nature I have admired, whose Goodness I have adored, whom in faith I have desired, whom I have sighed for, will now shew himself to me face to face.] And let that be the unfained sense of thy heart, which Camerarius left in his VVill should be written on his Monument; Vita mihi mors est, mors mihi vita nova est; Life is to me a Death, Death is to me a new Life.

Moreover, how wonderful and excellent are the works of Providence even in this life? to see the great God to engage himself, and set a work his Attributes for the safety and advancement of a few humble, despicable, praying persons! O what a joyful time will it then be, when so much Love and Mercy, and VVisdom, and Power, and Truth shall be manifested and glorified in the Saints glorification?

How delightful is it to my soul, to review the workings of Providence for my self? and to read over the Records and Catalogues of those special mercies wherewith my life hath been adorned and sweetned? How oft have my prayers been heard, and my tears regarded? and my groaning troubled soul relieved? and my Lord hath bid me, Be of good cheer? He hath healed me, when in respect of means I was uncurable: He hath helped me when I was helpless: In the midst of my supplications hath he eased and revived me: He hath taken me up from my knees, and from the dust where I have lain in sorrow and despair, even the cries which have been occasioned by distrust, hath he regarded; what a support are these experiences to my fearful unbelieving heart? These clear Testimonies of my Fathers Love, do put life into my afflicted drooping spirit.

O then, what a blessed day will that be, when I shall have all mercy, perfection of mercy, nothing but mercy, and fully injoy the Lord of Mercy himself! When I shall stand on the shore, and look p. 812back upon the raging Seas which I have safely passed! when I shall in safe and full possession of glory, look back upon all my pains and troubles and feares and tears, and upon all the mercies which I here received; & then shall behold the glory enjoyed there, which was the End of all this! O what a blessed view will that be! O glorious prospect which I shall have on the celestial mount Zion! Is it possible that there should be any defect of joy? or my heart not raised, when I am so raised? If one drop of lively faith were mixed with these considerations, O what work they would make in my brest! and what a Heaven-ravished heart, should I carry within me! Faine would I believe; Lord help my unbelief.

Yet further, consider O my soul, How sweet have the very ordinances been unto thee? What raptures hast thou had in prayer and under heavenly Sermons? What gladness in dayes of thanksgiving, after eminent deliverances to the Church or to thy self? What delight do I finde in the sweet society of the Saints? To be among my humble faithful neighbors and friends? To joyne with them in the frequent worship of God? To see their growth and stability and soundness of understanding? To see those daily added to the Church which shall be saved? O then what delight shall I have, to see the perfected Church in Heaven? and to joyne with these and all the Saints in another kinde of worship then we can here conceive of? How sweet is it to joyne in the high praises of God in the solemn assemblies? How glad have I been to go up to the house of God? Especially after long restraint by sickness, when I have been as Hezekiah, released, and readmitted to joyne with the people of God and to set forth the praises of my great deliverer? How sweet is my work in Preaching the Gospel, and inviting sinners to the marriage feast of the Lamb? and opening to them the treasures of free Grace? Especially when God blesseth my endeavors with plenteous success, and giveth me to see the fruit of my labors: even this alone hath been a greater joy to my heart, that if I had been made the Lord of all the riches on earth.

O how can my heart then conceive that joy, which I shall have in my admittance into the Celestial Temple, and into the Heavenly Host, that shall do nothing but praise the Lord for ever: When we shall say to Christ, Here am I, and the children thou hast given me; and when Christ shall present us all to his Father, and all are p. 813gathered, and the Body compleated! If the very Word of God were sweeter to Job then his necessary food;Job 23.12. Jer. 15.16.Job 23:12Jer 15:16 and to Jeremy, was the very joy and rejoycing of his heart; and to David, was sweeter then the Hony and Honicomb;Psal. 119.97. Psal. 119.92.70.77, &c.Ps 119:97Ps 119:92Ps 119:70Ps 119:77 so that he cryeth out, O how I love thy Law! it is my meditation continually: and if thy Law had not been my delight, I had perished in my troubles. O then how blessed a day will that be, when we fully enjoy the Lord of this Word! and shall need these written precepts and promises no more! but shall in stead of these love-letters, enjoy our beloved; and in stead of these promises, have the happiness in possession; and read no book but the face of the glorious God! How far would I go to see one of those blessed Angels, which appeared to Abraham, to Lot, to John &c. Or to speak with Henoch or Elias or any Saint, who had lived with God? especially if he would resolve all my doubts, and describe to me the celestial habitacions? How much more desirable must it needs be to live with those blessed Saints and Angels,Discendi adeo fuit cupidus, ut mori fuerit ipsi suave, modò ex dubiis questionibus in quibus sibi ipse satissacere non poterat, se posset expedire. Melch. Adam. in vita Erasti. and to see and possesse as well as they? It is written of Erastus, that he was so desirous to learn, that it would be sweet to him even to dye, so he might but be resolved of those doubtful questions wherein he could not satisfie himself. How sweet then should it be to me to dye, that I may not only be resolved of all my doubts, but also know what I never before did think of, and enjoy what before I never knew? It was a happy dwelling that the twelve Apostles had with Christ; to be always in his company, and see his face, and hear him open to them the mysteries of the Kingdom: But it will be another kinde of happiness to dwell with him in Glory. It was a rare priviledg of Thomas to put his fingers into his wounds to confirme his faith, and of John to be called the Disciple whom Jesus loved, on whose brest at supper he was wont to lean▪ But it will be another kinde of priviledg which I shall enjoy, when I shall see him in his glory, and not in his wounds; and shall enjoy a fuller sense of his Love then John then did;Luk. 2.43.Luke 2:43 and shall have the most hearty entertainment that Heaven affordeth. …f they that heard Christ speak on earth, were astonished at his Wisdome and answers; and wondered at the gratious Words which proceeded from his mouth: How shall I be affected then to behold him in his Majesty?

Rowse up thy self yet O my soul, and consider: Can the foresight p. 814of this glory make others embrace the stake, and kiss the fagot▪ and welcome the cross, and refuse deliverance. And can it not make thee cheerful under lesser sufferings? Can it sweeten the flames to them? and can it not sweeten thy life,If thy first glance so powerful be, A mirth but opened and sealed up again: What wonders shall we feel when we shall see, Thy full-ey'd Love! When thou shalt look us out of pain. And one aspect of thine spend in delight. More then a thousand sun's disburse in light In Heav'n above. Herberts Poems, The Glance. or thy sickness, or naturall death? If a glympse could make Moses his face to shine, and Peter on the mount so transported, and Paul so exalted, and John so rapt up in the spirit? Why should it not somewhat revive me with delight? Doubtless it would, if my thoughts were more believing▪ Is it not the same Heaven which they and I must live in? Is not their God, their Christ, their Crown and mine the same? Nay how many a weak woman, or poor despised Christian have I seen, mean in parts, but rich in faith, who could rejoyce and triumph in hope of this inheritance? And shall I look upon it with so dim an eye? So dull a heart? So dejected a countenance? some small foretastes also I have had my self (though indeed small and seldome thorow mine own belief) and how much more delightful have they been, then ever was any of these earthly things? The full enjoyment then will sure be sweet. Remember then this bunch of Grapes which thou hast tasted of: and by them conjecture the fruitfulness of the Land of Promise. A Grape in a wilderness cannot be like the plentiful Vintage.

Consider also, O my soul; What a beauty is there in the imperfect Graces of the spirit here? so great that they are called the Image of God:Col. 3.10.Col 3:10 and can any created exceellencie have a more honorable title? Alas how small a part are these of what we shall enjoy in our perfect state? O how pretious a mercy should I esteem it, if God would but take off my bodily infirmities, and restore me to any comfortable measure of health and strength, that I might be able with cheerfulness to go through his work? How pretious a mercy then will it be; to have all my corruptions, quite removed, and my soul perfected; and my body also raised to so high a state, as I now can neither desire nor conceive? Surely as health of body, so health of soul doth carry an unexpressible sweetness along with it. VVere there no reward besides, yet every gracious act is a reward and comfort. Never had I the least p. 815stirring of Love to God, but I felt a heavenly sweetness accompanying it: even the very act of loving was unexpressibly sweet. VVhat a happy life should I here live, could I but love as much as I would? and as oft, and as long as I would? Could I be all love, and always loving! O my soul; what wouldst thou give for such a life! O had I such true and clear apprehensions of God; and such a true understanding of his words as I desire; Could I but trust him as fully in all my streights: Could I have that life which I would have in every duty: Could I make God my constant desire and delight; I would not then envy the world their honors or pleasures; nor change my happiness with a Caesar or Alexander. O my soul, what a blessed state wilt thou shortly be in, when thou shalt have far more of these then thou canst now desire? and shalt exercise all thy perfected graces upon God in presence and open sight, and not in the dark, and at a distance, as now.

And as there is so much worth in one gracious soul, so much more in a gracious society, and most of all in the whole body of Christ on earth: If there be any true beauty on earth, where should it be so likely as in the Spouse of Christ? It is her that he adorneth with his Jewels; and feasteth at his table; and keepeth for her always an open house and heart: he revealeth to her his secrets, and maintaineth constant converse with her: he is her constant guardian, and in every deluge incloseth her in his Ark: He saith to her,Du Bartas in the seventh day of the first week. p. 187. Thou art all beautiful, my beloved! And is his Spouse, while black, so comely? Is the afflicted, sinning, weeping lamenting, persecuted Church, so excellent? O what then will be the Church,With cloudy cares th' …n's muffled up somewhiles, The others face is full of pleasing smiles: For never grief, nor fear of any fit Of the lest care, shall dare come neer to it: 'Tis the grand Jubile, the feast of feasts, Sabbaoth of Sabbaoths, endless Rest of Rests: Which with the prophets and Apostles zealous, The constant Martyrs, and our Christian fellowes, Gods faithful servants, and his chosen sheep, In Heav'n we hope within short time to keep. when it is fully gathered and glorified? VVhen it is ascended from the valley of tears to Mount Sion? VVhen it shall sin no more: nor weep, nor groan, nor suffer any more? The Stars, or the smalest candle are not darkened so much by the brightness of the Sun, as the excellencies of the first Temple will be by the celestial Temple. The glory of the old Jerusalem will be darkness and deformity to the glory of the New. It is said in Ezr. 3.12. that when the foundations of the second Temple were laid, many of the ancient men, who had seen p. 816the first house did weep, i.e. because the second did come so far short of it: what cause then shall we have to shout for joy, when we shall see how glorious the heavenly Temple is, and remember the meaness of the Church on earth?

But alas, what a loss am I at in the midst of my contemplations! I thought my heart had all this while followed after, but I see it doth not; And shall I let my Understanding go on alone? or my tongue run on without Affections? what life is in empty thoughts and words? Neither God nor I finde pleasure in them.

Rather let me turn back again, and look, and finde, and chide this lazy loytering heart, that turneth off from such a pleasant work as this: Where hast thou been, unworthy heart, while I was opening to thee the everlasting Treasures? Didst thou sleep? or wast thou minding something else? or dost thou think that all this is but a Dream or Fable? or as uncertain as the predictions of a presumptu…ous Astrologer? Or hast thou lost thy life and rejoycing power? Art thou not ashamed to complain so much of an uncomfortable life, and to murmur at God for filling thee with sorrows, when he offereth thee in vain the delights of Angels, and when thou treadest under foot these transcendent pleasures? Thou wilfully pinest away in grief, and art ready to charge thy Father with unkindness for making thee onelyonly a vessel of displeasure, a sink of sadness, a skinful of groans, a snow ball of tears, a channel for the waters of affliction to run in, the fuell of fears, and the carcass which cares do consume and prey upon, when in the mean time thou mightest live a life of Joy; Hadst thou now but followed me close, and believingly applyed thy self to that which I have spoken, and drunk in but half the comfort that those words hold forth, it would have made thee revive and leap for joy, and forget thy sorrows and diseases and pains of the flesh: but seeing thou judgest thy self unworthy of comfort, it is just that comfort should be taken from thee.

Lord, whats the matter that this work doth go on so heavily? Did I think my heart had been so backward to rejoyce? If it had been to mourn, and fear, and despair, it were no wonder: I have been lifting at this stone, and it will not stir, I have been pouring Aqua Vitae into the mouth of the dead: I hope, Lord, by that time it comes to heaven, this heart by thy Spirit will be quickned and mended, or else even those Joyes will scarce rejoyce me.

p. 817But besides my darkness, deadness, and unbelief, I perceive there is something else that forbids my full desired Joyes: This is not the time and place where so much is given: The time is our Winter and not our Harvest; The place is called the Valley of tears; there must be great difference betwit the Way and the End, the Work and Wages, the small foretastes and full fruition.

But,Desire. Lord, Though thou hast reserved our Joyes for Heaven, yet hast thou not so suspended our Desires! They are most suitable and seasonable in this present life, therefore, O help me to desire till I may possess, and let me long when I cannot as I would rejoyce: There is love in Desire, as well as in Delight; and if I be not empty of Love, I know I shall not long be empty of Delight.—

Rowse up thy self once more then, O my soul, and try and exercise thy spiritual Appetite; though thou art ignorant and unbelieving, yet art thou reasonable, and therefore must needs desire a Happiness and Rest: Nor canst thou sure be so unreasonable as to dream of attaining it here on earth: Thou knowest to thy sorrow that thou art not yet at thy Rest, and thy own feeling doth convince thee of thy present Unhappiness, and dost thou know that thou art restless, and yet art willing to continue so? Art thou neither happy in deed, nor in Desire? Art thou neither well, nor wouldest be well? when my flesh is pained, and languisheth under consuming sickness; how heartily and frequenly do I cry out, O when shall I be eased of this pain? when shall my decaying strength be recovered? Ther's no dissembling nor formality in these Desires and Groans. How then should I long for my finall full recovery? There is no sickness nor pain, nor weeping, nor complaints. O when shall I arrive at that safe and quiet Harbor, where is none of these storms and waves and dangers? when I shall never more have a weary, restless night or day! Then shall not my life be such a medley or mixture of hope and fear, of joy and sorrow, as now it is; nor shall Flesh and Spirit be combating within me, nor my soul be still as a pitched Field, or a Stage of contention, where Faith and Unbelief, Affiance and Distrust, Humility and Pride, do maintain a continual distracting conflict: then shall I not live a dying life for fear of dying, nor my life be made uncomfortable with the fears of losing it. O when shall I be past these soul-tormenting fears and cares, and griefs, and passions! p. 818When shall I be out of this frail,Herberts Poems, Dotage. False glozing pleasures: Casks of happiness: Foolish night fires: Womens, and Childrens wishes: Chases in Arras: Guilded Emptiness: Embroider'd Lies: Nothing between two dishes: These are the Pleasures here. True earnest Sorrows: Rooted Miseries: Anguish in grain: Vexations ripe and blown: Sure-footed Griefs: Solid Calamities: Plain Demonstrations, evident and clear, Fetching their proof even from the very bone: These are the Sorrows here. But, O the folly of distracted men, Who griefs in earnest, Joyes in jest pursue! Preferring like bruit Beasts, a loathsom den Before a Court; even that above so clear, Where are no Sorrows, but Delights more true Then Miseries are here. this corruptible, ruinous body! This soul contradicting, ensnaring, deceiving flesh! When shall I be out of this vain, vexatious World! Whose pleasures are meer deluding dreams and shadows; whose miseries are real, numerous, and uncessant? How long shall I see the Church of Christ lie trodden under the feet of persecutors? or else as a ship in the hands of foolish guides (though the supream Master doth moderate all for the best.) Alas, that I must stand by and see the Church, and Cause of Christ, like a Footbal in the midst of a crowd of Boyes, tost about in contention from one to another; every one running, and sweating with foolish violence, and laboring the downfal of all that are in his way, and all to get it into his own power, that he may have the managing of the work himself, and may drive it before him, which way he pleaseth; and when all is done, the best usage it may expect from them, is, But to be spurned about in the dirt, till they have driven it on to the Goal of their private interests, or deluded fancies! There is none of this disorder in the Heavenly Jerusalem; there shall I finde a Government without imperfection, and obedience without the least unwillingness, or rebellion; even a harmonious concent of perfected Spirits, in obeying and praising their Everlasting King. O how much better is it to be a Door-keeper there, and the least in that Kingdom, then to be **Antigonus cum audiret se a vetulâ-propter opes & dignitatem beatum praedi cari, Mea Matercula, inquit, si nosses quantis malis hic panniculus (viz. Diadema) sit refertus, ne in sterquilinio quidem jacentem tolleres.the Conqueror or Commander of this tumultuous World? there will our Lord govern all immediatly by himself, and not put the Reins in the hands of such ignorant Riders, nor govern by such foolish and sinful deputies, as the best of the sons of men now are. Dost thou so mourn for these inferior disorders, O my soul? and yet wouldst thou not be out of it? How long hast thou desired to be a Member of a more perfect, reformed Church? and to joyn with more holy, humble, sincere souls, in the purest and most Heavenly worship? Why, dost thou p. 819not see that on Earth thy desires flie from thee? Art thou not as a childe that thinketh to travel to the Sun. when he seeth it rising or setting, as it were close to the Earth; but as he travelleth toward it, it seems to go from him; and when he hath long wearied himself, it is as far off as ever; for the thing he seeketh, is in another world. Even such hath been thy labor in seeking for so holy, so pure, so peaceable a Society, as might afford thee a contented settlement here. Those that have gone as far as America for satisfaction, have confessed themselves unsatisfied still. When wars, and the calamities attending them, have been over, I have said,Psal. 116.Ps 116 Return now my soul unto thy Rest: But how restless a condition hath next succeeded? When God had given me the enjoyment of Peace, and Friends, and Liberty of the Gospel; and had settled me even as my own heart desired; I have been ready to say, Soul take thy ease and rest: But how quickly hath Providence called me Fool? and taught me to call my state by another name? When did I ever begin to congratulate my flesh its felicity, but God did quickly turn my tune? and made almost the same breath to end in groaning which did begin in laughter? I have thoughts oft-times in the folly of my prosperity, [Now I will have one sweet draught of Solace and Content;] but God hath dropped in the Gall, while the Cup was at my mouth. We are still weary of the present condition, and desire a change; and when we have it, it doth not answer our expectation; but our discontent and restlesness is still unchanged. In time of peace, we thought that war would deliver us from our disquietments; and when we saw the Iron red hot, we catched it inconsiderately, thinking that it was Gold; till it burned us to the very bone, and so stuck to our fingers, that we scarce know yet whether we are rid of it, or not. In this our misery, we long for peace; and so long were we strangers to it, that we had forgot its name, and begun to call it REST or HEAVEN: But as soon as we are again grown acquainted with it, we shall better bethink us, and perceive our mistake. O, why am I then no more weary of this weariness?Jere. 50.6.Jer 50:6 and why do I so forget my resting place? Up then, O my soul, in thy most raised and fervent desires! Stay not till this Flesh can desire with thee; its Appetite hath a lower and baser object. Thy Appetite is not sensitive, but rational; distinct from its; and therefore look p. 820not that Sense should apprehend thy blessed object, and tell thee what and when to desire. Believing Reason in the Glass of Scripture may discern enough to raise the flame: And though Sense apprehend not that which must draw thy desires, yet that which may drive them, it doth easily apprehend. It can tell thee, that thy present life is filled with distress and sorrows, though it cannot tell thee what is in the world to come. Thou needest not Scripture to tell thee, nor Faith to discern, that thy head aketh, and thy stomack is sick, thy bowels griped, and thy heart grieved; and some of these, or such like, are thy daily case. Thy friends about thee are grieved to see thy griefs, and to hear thy dolorous groans and lamentations; and yet art thou loth to leave this woful life? is this a state to be preferred before the Celestial glory? or is it better to be thus miserable from Christ, then to be happy with him? or canst thou possibly be so unbelieving, as to doubt whether that life be any better then this? O my soul! do not the dulness of thy desires after Rest, accuse thee of most detestable ingratitude and folly? Must thy Lord procure thee a Rest at so dear a rate, and dost thou no more value it? Must he purchase thy Rest by a life of labor and sorrow, and by the pangs of a bitter, cursed death? and when all is done, hadst thou rather be here without it? Must he go before to prepare so glorious a Mansion for such a wretch; and art thou now loth to go and possess it? must his blood, and care, and pains be lost? O unthankful, unworthy foul! Shall the Lord of glory be willing of thy company, and art thou unwilling of his? are they fit to dwell with God, that had rather stay from him? Must he crown thee, and glorifie thee against thy will? or must he yet deal more roughly with thy darling flesh? and leave thee never a corner in thy ruinous cottage for to cover thee, but fire thee out of all, before thou wilt away? Must every Sense be an inlet to thy sorrows? and every friend become thy scourge? and Jobs Messengers be thy daily intelligencers? and bring thee the Curranto's of thy multiplied calamities, before that Heaven will seem more desireable then this Earth? Must every joynt be the seat of Pain? and every Member deny thee a room to rest in? and thy groans be indited from the very heart, and bones, before thou wilt be willing to leave this flesh? Must thy heavy burdens be bound upon thy back? and thy so-intolerable Paroxysms become incessant? and thy intermittent p. 821agueish woes be turned into continual burning Feavers? Yea, must Earth become a very Hell to thee, before thou wilt be willing to be with God? O impudent soul, if thou be not ashamed of this! what is loathing, if this be love? Look about thee, O my soul; behold the most lovely Creature, or the most desireable State; and tell me, Where wouldst thou be, if not with God? Poverty is a burden, and riches a snare: Sickness is little pleasing to thee, and usually health as little safe; the one is full of sorrow, and the other of sin. The frowning World doth bruise thy heel; and the smiling World doth sting thee to the heart: VVhen it seemeth ugly, it causeth loathing; when beauteous, it is thy bane; when thy condition is bitter, thou wouldst fain spit it out; and when delightful, it is but sugered misery and deceit: The sweetest poyson doth oft bring the surest death. So much as the world is loved and delighted in, so much it hurteth and endangereth the lover; and if it may not be loved, why should it be desired? If thou be applauded, it proves the most contagious breath; and how ready are the sails of Pride to receive such winds? so that it frequently addeth to thy sin, but not one cubit to the stature of thy worth: And if thou be vilified, slandered or unkindly used, methinks this should not entice thy love! Never didst thou sit by the fire of prosperity and applause, but thou hadst with it the smoke that drew water from thy eyes; never hadst thou the Rose without the pricks; and the sweetness hath been expired, and the beauty faded, before the scars which thou hadst in gathering it, were healed. Is it not as good be without the honey, as to have it with so many smarting stings? The highest delight thou hast found in any thing below, hath been in thy successful labors, and thy godly friends: And have these indeed been so sweet, as that thou shouldst be so loth to leave them? If they seem better to thee, then a life with God, it is time for God to take them from thee! Thy studies have been sweet, and have they not been also bitter? My minde hath been pleased, but my body pained; and the weariness of the flesh, hath quickly abated the pleasures of the Spirit. VVhen by painful studies I have not discovered the truth, it hath been but a tedious way to a grievous end; discontent and trouble purchased by toilsom wearying labors▪ And if I have found out the truth (by Divine assistance) I have found but an exposed naked Orphan, that hath cost me much to take in and cloath, and p. 830keep; which (though of noble birth, yea, a Divine off-spring, and amiable in mine eyes, and worthy I confess of better entertainment, yet) from men that knew not its descent, hath drawn upon me their envy, and furious opposition; and hath brought the blinded Sodomites (with whom I lived at some peace before) to crowd **Memini quid Bucholcerus de Melancthone convitiis lacerato dicere solebat: Quidam sunt Anathema secundum dici, quidam secundum esse: Mallem ego cum Philippo Anathema secundum dici, quam cum illo secundum esse. Josh. 22. Eccl. 1.18. Jere. 20.9.Josh 22Eccl 1:18Jer 20:9about me, and assault my doors, that I might prostitute my heavenly Guests to their pleasure, and again expose them, whom I had so gladly and lately entertained; yea, the very Tribes of Israel have been gathered against me, thinking that the Altar which I built for the interest of Truth, and Unity, and Peace, had been erected to the Introduction of Error and Idolatry: And so the increase of Knowledg, hath been the increase of Sorrow. My heart indeed is ravished with the beauty of naked Truth; and I am ready to cry out, [I have found it] or, as Aquinas, [Conclisum est contra, &c.] But when I have found it, I know not what to do with it. If I confine it to my own brest, and keep it secret to my self, it is as a consuming fire, shut up in my heart and bones. I am as the Lepers without Samaria, or as those that were forbidden to tell any man of the works of Christ, I am weary of forbearing, I cannot stay. If I reveal it to the **Nihil modo quietis aut securitatis invenire possumus, dum adhuc in nobis ipsis ingemiscimus, gravati adoptionem expectantes: Cum autem mortale hoc induerit immortalitatem, tunc nulla erit diabolicae fra… dis impugnatio, nullum haereticae pravitatis dogma, nulla infidelis populi impi…tas; omnibus ita pacatis & compositis, ut in tabernaculis justorū sola audiatur vox exultationis & salutis▪ Greg. in 7. Psal. paenitent.world, I can expect but an unwelcome entertainment, and an ungrateful return: For they have taken up their standing in religious knowledg already, as if they were at Hercules Pillars, and had no further to go, nor any more to learn: They dare be no wiser then they are already, nor receive any more of Truth, then they have already received, lest thereby they should accuse their Ancestors and Teachers, of Ignorance and Imperfection, and themselves should seem to be mutable and unconstant, and to hold their opinions in Religion with reserves. The most precious Truth not apprehended, doth seem to be Error, and fantastick novelty: Every man that readeth, what I write, will not be at the pains of those tedious studies to finde out the truth, as I have been; but think it should meet their eyes in the very reading. If the meer writing of Truth, with its clearest Evidence, were all that were necessary to the apprehension of it by others, then the lowest Scholar in the School might be quickly as good as the highest. So that if I did see more then others, to reveal it to the lazy prejudiced world, would but make my friends turn enemies, or look upon me with a strange and jealous eye. And yet Truth is so dear a friend it self (and he that sent it much p. 831more dear) that what ever I suffer I dare not stifle, or conceal it. O what then are these bitter sweet studies and discoveries, to the everlasting views of the face of the God of Truth? The Light that here I have, is but a knowing in part; and yet it costeth me so dear, that in a temptation I am almost ready to prefer the quiet silent night, before such a rough tempestuous day. But there I shall have Light and Rest together, and the quietness of the night without its darkness. I can never now have the Lightning without the Thunder, which maketh it seem more dreadful then delightful. And shouldst thou be loth then, O my soul, to leave this for the Eternal perfect Light? and to change thy Candle, for the glorious Sun? and to change thy Studies, and Preaching, and Praying, for the Harmonious Praises, and fruition of the Blessed God?

Nor will thy loss be greater in the change of thy company, then of thine imployment. Thy friends here have been indeed thy delight: And have they not been also thy vexation, and thy grief? They are gracious; and are they not also sinful? they are kinde and loving; and are they not also peevish, froward, and soon displeased? they are humble; but withal, alas, how proud! they will scarce endure to hear plainly of their disgraceful faults; they cannot bear undervaluing, or disrespect; they itch after the good thoughts, and applause of others; they love those best, that highliest esteem them: The missing of a curtesie, a supposed sleighting or disrepect; the contradicting of their words or humors, a difference in opinion, yea, the turning of a straw, will quickly shew thee the pride, and the uncertainty of thy friend. Their graces are sweet to thee, and their gifts are helpful; but are not their corruptions bitter, and their imperfections hurtful? Though at a distance they seem to thee most Holy and Innocent; yet when they come neerer thee, and thou hast throughly tryed them, alas, what silly, frail, and froward pieces are the best of men! Then the knowledg which thou didst admire, appeareth clouded with ignorance; and the vertues that so shined as a Glow-worm in the night, are scarcely to be found when thou seekest them by day-light. VVhen temptations are strong, how quickly do they yield? what wounds have they given to Religion by their shameful falls? Those that have been famous for their Holiness, have been as infamous for their notorious hainous wickedness; those that have been thy p. 830duplicate page p. 831duplicate page p. 830duplicate page p. 831duplicate page p. 824dearest bosome friends, that have prayed and conferred with thee, and helped thee toward Heaven, and by their fervor, forwardness, and heavenly lives, have shamed thy coldness, and earthliness, and dulness; whom thou hast singled out, as the choicest, from a world of professors; whom thou madest the daily companions and delights of thy life; are not some of them faln to Drunkenness, and some to Whordome, some to Pride, Perfidiousness and Rebellion, and some to the most damnable Heresies and Divisions? And hath thy very heart received such wounds from thy friends? and yet art thou so loth to go from them to thy God? Thy friends that are weak are little useful or comfortable to thee: and those that are strong are the abler to hurt thee; and the best if not heedfully used, will prove the worst. The better and keener thy knife is, the sooner and deeper will it cut thy fingers, if thou take not heed. Yea, the very number of thy friends is a burden and trouble to thee: every one supposeth he hath some interest in thee, yea the interest of a friend, which is not a little: and how insufficient art thou to satisfie all their expectations? When it is much if thou canst answer the expectations of one. If thou were divided among so many, as each could have but little of thee, so thy self and God (who should have most) will have none. And almost every one that hath not more of thee then thou canst spare for all, is ready to censure thee as unfriendly, and a neglecter of the duty or respects which thou owest them: And shouldst thou please them all, the gain will not be great; nor art thou sure that they will again please thee.

Awake then, O my drowsie soul, and look above this world of sorrows! Hast thou born the yoke of afflictions from thy youth, and so long felt the smarting rod, and yet canst no better understand its meaning? Is not every stroke to drive thee hence? and is not the voice of the rod like that to Elijah, What dost thou here? Up and away. Dost thou forget that sure prediction of thy Lord, In the world ye shall have trouble; but in me ye shall have peace? The first thou hast found true by long experience: and of the later thou hast had a small foretaste; but the perfect peace is yet before, which till it be enjoyed cannot be clearly understood.

Ah my dear Lord, I feel thy meaning; its written in my flesh; its engraven in my bones: My heart thou aymest at, thy rod doth p. 825drive; thy silken cord of love doth draw; and all to bring it to thy self: And is that all, Lord? is that the worst? Can such a heart be worth thy having? Make it so Lord, and then it is thine; Take it to thy self, and then take me. I can but reach it toward thee, and not unto thee: I am too low; and it is too dull; This clod hath life to stir, but not to rise, Legs it hath, but wings it wanteth. As the feeble childe to the tender mother, it looketh up to thee, and stretcheth out the hands, and faine would have thee take it up. Though I cannot so freely say [My heart is with thee, my soul longeth after thee] yet can I say, I long for such a longing heart. The twins are yet a striving in my bowels: The spirit is willing; the flesh is weak, the spirit longs, the flesh is loth. The flesh is unwilling to lye rotting in the earth: The soul desires to be with thee. My spirit cryeth, Let thy Kingdom come, or else let me come unto thy Kingdom; but the flesh is afraid least thou shouldest hear my prayer, and take me at my word. VVhat frequent contradictions dost thou finde in my requests? because there is such contradiction in my self. My prayers plead against my prayers; and one part begs a denial to the other. No wonder if thou give me such a dying life, when I know not whether to ask for life or death. With the same breath do I beg for a reprival and removal: And the same groan doth utter my desires and my feares. My soul would go, my flesh would stay. My soul would faine be out, my flesh would have thee hold the door. O blessed be thy Grace that makes advantage of my corruptions, even to contradict and kill themselves. For I fear my fears, and sorrow for my sorrows, and groan under my fleshly groans: I loath my lothness, and I long for greater longings; And while my soul is thus tormented with fears and cares, and with the tedious means for attaining my desires, it addeth so much to the burden of my troubles, that my wearyness thereby is much increased, which makes me groan to be at Rest. Indeed, Lord, my soul it self also is in a straight, and what to chuse I know not well; but yet thou knowest what to give: To depart and be with thee, is Best; but yet to be in the flesh seems needfull. Thou knowest I am not weary of thy work, but of sorrow and sin I must needs be weary: I am willing to stay while thou wilt here imploy me, and to dispatch the work which thou hast put into my hands: till these strange thoughts of thee be somewhat more familiar, and thou p. 834hast raised me into some degree of acquaintance with thy self; But I beseech thee, stay no longer when this is done. Stay not till sin shall get advantage, and my soul grow earthly by dwelling on this earth, and my desires and delights in thee grow dead; But while I must be here, let me be still amending and ascending, make me still better, and take me at the best. I dare not be so impatient of living, as to importune thee to cut off my time, and urge thee to snatch me hence unready; because I know my everlasting state doth so much depend on the improvement of this life. Nor yet would I stay when my work is done; and remaine here sinning when my brethren are triumphing: I am drowning in teares while they swim in joyes: I am weeping, while they are singing; I am under thy feet, while they are in thy bosome: Thy footsteps bruise and break this worm, while those Stars do shine in the Firmament of glory: Thy frowns do kill me, while they are quickened by thy smiles: They are ever living, and I am daily dying; Their joyes are raised by the knowledg of their endlesness, my griefs are enlarged by still expecting more; while they possess but one continued pleasure; I bear the successive assaults of fresh calamities; One billow fals in the neck of another, and when I am rising up from under one, another comes and strikes we down. Yet I am thy childe as well as they; Christ is my head as well as theirs: why is there then so great a distance? How differently dost thou use us when thou art Father to us all? They sit at thy table, whilst I must stand without the doors. But I acknowledg the equity of thy ways: Though we all are children, yet I am the Prodigal; and therefore meeter in this remote country to feed on husks, while they are always with thee and possess thy glory. Though we all are members, yet not the same: they are the tongue and fitter to praise thee; They are the hands and fitter for thy service, I am the feet and therefore meeter to tread on earth, and move in dirt; but unfit to stand so neer the head as they. They were once themselves in my condition; and I shall shortly be in theirs. They were of the lowest forme, before they came to the highest; They suffered before they reigned; They came out of great tribulation, who now are standing before thy throne: And shall not I be content to come to the crown as they did? and to drink of their cup, before I sit with them in the Kingdom? The blessed souls of David, Paul, Austin, Calvin, Perkins, p. 835Bayne, Parker, Ames, Bradshaw, Dod, Preston, Stoughton, Sibbes, with all the spirits of the just made perfect, were once on earth as I am now, as far from the sight of thy face and glory; as deep in sorrows; as weak and sick and full of pains as I; Their souls were longer imprisoned in corruptible flesh: I shall go but the way that they all did go before me: Their house of clay did fall to dust, and so must mine. The world they are now in, was as strange to them before they were there, as it is to me. And am I better then all these pretious souls? I am contented therefore, O my Lord, to stay thy time, and go thy way, so thou wilt exalt me also in thy season, and take me into thy barn when thou seest me ripe. In the mean time, I may desire, though I may not repine; I may look over the hedge, though I may not break over; I may believe and Wish, though not make any sinful hast; I am content to wait, but not to lose thee; And when thou seest me too contented with thine absence, and satisfying and pleasing my self here below; O quicken up then my dull desires, and blow up the dying spark of love: And leave me not till I am able unfeignedly to cry out,Psal. 42.1, 2. Phil. 3.19, 20, 21. 2 Cor. 5.1, 6, 7, 8. Col. 3.1, 2, 3, 4.Ps 42:1Ps 42:2Phil 3:19Phil 3:20Phil 3:212 Cor 5:12 Cor 5:62 Cor 5:72 Cor 5:8Col 3:1Col 3:2Col 3:3Col 3:4 As the heart panteth after the brooks, and the dry land thirsteth for the water streams, so thirsteth my soul after thee O God; when shall I come and appear before the living God? Till my daily conversation be with thee in Heaven, and from thence I may longingly expect my Saviour: Till my affections are set on things above, where Christ is reigning and my life is hid: Till I can walk by Faith and not by sight; willing rather to be absent from the body and present with the Lord. What interest hath this empty world in me? and what is there in it that may seeme so lovely, as to entice my desires and delight from thee, or make me loth to come away? when I look about me with a deliberate undeceived eye; me thinks this world's a howling wilderness, and most of the inhabitants are untamed hideous monsters. All its beauty I can wink into blackness,Not that we may not here Taft of the cheer: But as birds drink and then lift up the head: So must we sip and think, Of better drink, We may attain to after we are dead. Herbert in Temple. and all its mirth I can think into sadness; I can drown al its pleasures in a few penitent tears, and the winde of a sigh will scatter them away. When I look on th…m without the spectacles of flesh, I call them nothing, as being vainty, or worse then nothing, as vexation. O let not this flesh so seduce my soul, p. 836as to make it prefer this weary life before the Joyes that are about thy Throne! And though Death of it self be unwelcome to Nature, yet let thy Grace make thy Glory appear to me so desirable, that the King of Terrors may be the Messenger of my Joy; O let not my soul be ejected by violence, and dispossessed of its Habitation against its will, but draw it forth to thy Self by the secret power of thy Love, as the Sun-shine in the Spring draws forth the creatures from their Winter Cells; meet it half way, and entice it to thee, as the Loadstone doth the Iron, and as the greater flame doth attract the less: Dispel therefore the Clouds that hide from me thy Love, or remove the Scales that hinder mine Eyes from beholding Thee; for onelyonly the beames that stream from thy Face, and the foresight or taste of thy great Salvation can make a soul unfainedly to say, Now Let thy Servant depart in peace; Reading and Hearing will not serve, my meat is not sweet to my Ear, or to my Eye, it must be a taste or feeling that must entice away my soul: Though arguing is the means to bend my will, yet if thou bring not the matter to my hand, and by the influence of thy Spirit make it not effectual, I shall never reason my soul to be willing to depart. In the Winter, when its cold and dirty without, I am loth to leave my Chamber and fire; but in the Summer, when all is warm and green, I am loth to be so confined; shew me but the Summer fruits and pleasures of thy Paradise, and I shall freely quit my earthly Cell. Some pleasure I have in my Books, my friends, and in thine Ordinances; till thou hast given me a taste of something more sweet, my soul will be loth to part with these: The Traveller will hold his Cloak the faster when the windes do bluster, and the storms assault him, but when the Sun shines hot, he will cast it off as a burthen; so will my soul, when thou frownest, or art strange, be lother to leave this garment of flesh; but thy smiles would make me leave it as my prison; but it is not thy ordinary discoveries that will here suffice; as the work is greater, so must be thy help: O turn these fears into strong desires, and this lothness to dye, into longings after thee! while I must be absent from thee, let my soul as heartily groan under thine absence, as my pained body doth under its want of health: And let not those groans be counterfeit or constrained, but let them come from a longing, loving heart, unfeignedly judging it best to depart and be with Christ: And if I have any more time to spend on p. 837earth, let me live as without the world in thee, as I have sometime lived as without thee in the world. O suffer me not to spend in strangeness to thee another day of this my Pilgrimage! while I have a thought to think, let me not forget thee; while I have a tongue to move, let me mention thee with delight; while I have a breath to breathe, let it be after thee, and for thee; while I have a knee to bend, let it bow daily at thy Footstool: and when by sickness thou confinest me to my Couch, do thou make my bed, and number my pains, and put all my tears into thy Bottle. And as when my spirit groaned for my sins, the flesh would not second it, but desired that which my spirit did abhor; so now, when my flesh doth groan under its pains, let not my spirit second it, but suffer the flesh to groan alone, and let me desire that day which my flesh abhorreth, that my friends may not with so much sorrow wait for the departure of my soul, as my soul with joy shall wait for its own departure, and then let me dye the death of the Righteous, and let my last end be as his, even a removall to that Glory that shall never end: Send forth thy Convoy of Angels for my departing soul, and let them bring it among the perfected spirits of the Just, and let me follow my dear friends that have died in Christ before me; und when my friends are weeping over my Grave, let my spirit be reposed with thee in Rest; and when my Corps shall lye there rotting in the dark, let my soul be in the Inheritance of the Saints in Light: And O thou that numberest the very hairs of my head, do thou number all the dayes that my body lyes in the dust; and thou that writest all my members in thy Book, do thou keep an account of all my scattered bones: and hasten, O my Saviour, the time of thy return, send forth thine Angels, and let that dreadful, joyful Trumpet sound; delay not, lest the living give up their hopes; delay not, lest earth should grow like hell, and lest thy Church by division be crumbled all to dust, and dissolved by being resolved into individual unites: Delay not, lest thine enemies get advantage of thy Flock, and lest Pride and Hypocrisie, and Sensuality, and Unbelief should prevail against thy little Remnant, and share among them thy whole Inheritance, and when thou comest thou finde not Faith on the earth. Delay not, lest the Grave should boast of Victory; and having learned Rebellion of its guest, should plead prescription, and refuse to deliver thee up thy due: O hasten that p. 838great Resurrection Day! when thy command shall go forth, and none shall disobey; when the Sea and Earth shall yield up their Hostages, and all that slept in the Graves shall awake, and the dead in Christ shall first arise; when the seed that thou sowedst corruptible, shall come forth incorruptible; and Graves that received but rottenness, and retained but dust, shall return thee glorious Stars and Suns; therefore dare I lay down my carcass in the dust, entrusting it, not to a Grave, but to Thee: and therefore my flesh shall rest in Hope, till thou raise it to the possession of the Everlasting REST. Return, O Lord, how long? O let thy Kingdom come! Thy desolate Bride saith, Come; for thy Spirit within her saith, Come, who teacheth her thus to pray with groanings after thee, which cannot be expressed; The whole Creation saith, Come, waiting to be delivered from the bondage of Corruption into the glorious liberty of the Sons of God: Thy Self hast said, Surely I come quickly; Amen, Even so come LORD IESVS.